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“Kyle!” The stern but motherly voice boomed through the house, shaking Eric awake. He blinked slowly to compose himself, the harsh light seeping through the blinds burning his tired eyes. “Kyle, bubbeleh! Wake up, you’re gonna be late for school!”
Kahl?
Eric’s eyes shot wide open as he scrambled to look beside him. He was indeed in Kyle’s bed, in Kyle’s room -it was as familiar as his own- but there was no Kyle resting beside him. He furrowed his eyebrows and scanned the room, as if expecting to see Kyle hiding somewhere. First of all, why was he in Kyle’s house without any memory of entering? Where was Kyle? And most importantly, why the fuck was he in Kyle’s bed?! Was this some kind of prank?
“Kyle? Are you awake?” Thumping on the door.
“Calm your tits, woman! Jesus,” He called out, before immediately regretting his words and running to block the door. His voice sounded weird… It wasn’t just groggy from waking up, no, it sounded so incredibly alien yet so familiar. It was way smoother, though slightly shrill, his throat completely cleared and his vocal cords no longer misshapen. The realisation finally hit that it wasn’t his voice at all.
“What what what?!” The door handle rattled rapidly as it tried to open, but Eric had already blocked its path with a chair. The violent attempt didn’t help to stop Eric’s spinning head. He sunk to the floor and almost gagged at the sight of ‘his’ thighs. His beating heart finally slowed to a more reasonable pace which allowed him to take in the situation. The run to the door had been effortless, even though it was quick. Eric could run, but never that quickly without catching his breath. He felt strangely empty and light, the two-piece pajamas sitting loosely on him and his body barely folding on itself in rolls as he sat.
What had happened to his body? What had happened to his voice? This wasn’t the first time he’d woken up with an unfamiliar appearance, but there was no way his friends could’ve done this, right? Had done what exactly? Operated his vocal cords and given him liposuction in his sleep? Just the thought was ridiculous. But what other alternative was there?
“Kyle, you open the door this instant!” Kyle. Right… Kyle… He lifted himself onto thin, unsteady, but surprisingly muscular legs and took a few shaky steps towards the mirror.
“Kyle!” He laughed deliriously at the reflection staring back at him. Its grin reached the corners of its wide blown eyes. But it was Kyle alright. “What the actual fuck” It was Kyle. Kyle, not Eric Cartman. But Eric was the one looking in the mirror, wasn’t he?
He stared at the reflection for about five minutes before he decided that this was great. This was a great opportunity to do whatever he wanted and get away with it. This was his chance to be the one with perky tits. Maybe he’d woo some girls; he knew all the freshmen who kept staring at Kyle during his basketball games. Or maybe he’d simply get Kyle in trouble. The possibilities were endless! Of course there was the ginger jewfro… But then again he never expected a body swap to be perfect.
His green eyes gleamed as he touched his sharp jawline, almost squealing in delight. Eric knew he looked hot in his own body, but he also knew that some wouldn’t agree… And this body was his polar opposite. A tall, lanky but vaguely muscular frame, with puffy red hair and emerald eyes. He savoured the feeling of being able to touch the ‘fro limitlessly. It was a bed head if he’d ever seen one, but his hand sank into it like a pillow.
Eric soon forgot about Kyle’s mom, school and the real Kyle. Even his plans for the day. He couldn’t tear his gaze from the mirror, eventually studying more of the new body up close. It started with stretching out his arms and legs but ended with a shirtless ‘Kyle’ in his undies. A warm streak of heat was visible across his cheeks, probably from the humiliation of ‘checking Kyle out’, even though that was nowhere near what he was doing.
“Kyle! Let us in!” Kyle’s dad cried out from the other side of the door. Eric Cartman couldn’t care less.