Work Text:
It happens when Eddie tries to save him.
They are dispatched to an abandoned, ramshackle building, where two teenage boys who ditched school and came to smoke some weed but ended up in one of them getting his whole leg stuck in a broken wooden floor.
They manage to save the boy, and Eddie gives the two of them a long ass lecture because— well, he is a dad; and then , just after they send the kids to Hen and Chim and walk behind them, the wood under Buck's feet gives way and he almost plummets downstairs.
"Buck!" Eddie immediately crouches down and grasps Buck from the wrists, where the rest of body is dangling off the floor, only being held by Eddie.
Buck makes the mistake of looking down and his heart jumps out his throat because if he falls, there is no way he will survive without at least one broken limb and he really, really doesn't want that.
"Eddie." He lifts his head and looks at Eddie, his voice slightly trembling with fear. Eddie's hands around his wrists are firm and sure—but his face is the opposite; he can see the panic in Eddie's eyes.
"I got you." Eddie tells him assuringly. He nods his head and sucks in a sharp breath.
"Don't let go."
"I won't. Hold tight, okay? I'm gonna pull you up." Without loosening his grip, Eddie repositions himself on the floor in a more secure way.
But, no. He is heavier, and more muscular. What if Eddie falls with him when he tries to save Buck?
"Eddie, no. You can't." Buck protests in a haste but the loud creak coming from the floor cuts off his words, warning them to hurry up.
"I will, Buck, we don't have time to wait."
And with that, Buck tightens his hold on Eddie like he is Buck's lifeline, and Eddie starts to pull him up with a scream behind his gritted teeth. With all he has, Eddie pulls Buck's whole body towards himself holding only by the wrists enough for Buck to put his knees on the floor and boost himself up. With the impact, Eddie wraps his arms around Buck's torso and he falls on his back on the floor with Buck laying on top of him.
Releasing the breath Buck didn't know he was holding, he closes his eyes and clenches Eddie's shirt tighter.
"Told you I got you." Eddie whispers, in an out of breath.
Buck lets out a breathy chuckle. "You did."
But then, he feels something warm on his side. Something wet. He lifts his head to see Eddie looking at the ceiling with a frown and knitted brows.
"Buck, something's wrong." Eddie hesitates and holds Buck's shoulder to push him away from his body.
That's when he sees it.
"Eddie." His voice shakes because there is a rusty iron bar sticking out of Eddie's left side.
Eddie places his fingers on his side and lets out a hiss when he presses them down. They get stained with blood. He turns his face to the side and his eyes meet Buck's. There is nothing but shock behind them.
"Eddie." Buck takes Eddie's fingers away and presses his own palm on Eddie's wound hard, causing Eddie to scream in pain and writh under his touch.
"Stay still. Stay still, Eds." He manages out and brings his other hand— it's shaking, to his radio. "Bobby! Eddie's down!"
The blood oozing from Eddie's torso stains and darkens Buck's fingers; he takes his other hand to Eddie's shoulder and holds him down to stop him from moving. Buck notices they are both shaking, but for totally different reasons.
"You're gonna be fine."
Eddie's breathing is fast and shallow— he does not turn his gaze away from Buck, not even for a second, and manages a tiny nod. He lifts his shaking hand and puts it on Buck's blood stained one.
"They're coming." Buck nods his head and waits for their crew to come.
They manage to bring Eddie to the hospital without him getting worse and roll him in immediately for the surgery. Chim keeps him company in the bathroom to clean his hands and forces him to splash water to his face to calm down, and when they are done, they leave the bathroom and wait at the OR entrance to count the hours.
He is pacing back and forth while Bobby, Chim and Hen sit on the hospital chairs when the doctor comes out of the OR.
"How is he?" Buck blurts out and stands in front of the doctor.
"He's fine. The surgery went well." The doctor smiles at them. "He's lucky the bar didn't hit any organs, it was a minor procedure. We can discharge him in a few hours."
"Thank you." Buck's shoulder sag in relief and he feels something huge being lifted from his chest. He takes in a deep breath and drops his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.
He feels a hand— Bobby's hand, on his back, comforting him.
"You can go home with him, take the day off."
"Thanks, Bobby."
It's been only a while since Eddie's surgery but they let Buck in his room without a problem. So he sits on the chair next to Eddie's bed and watches him sleep. He looks so at peace like this. Beautiful even in his sleep. Buck wants to kiss and hold him all over and never let go.
He brings himself closer when Eddie's eyes begin to flutter and his breathing changes.
"Hey, open your eyes." Buck says gently and wraps his fingers around Eddie's hand.
After a few seconds, Eddie slowly opens his eyes and wanders around with a frown on his face, but his expression softens when he lands his eyes on Buck.
"Hi." Buck whispers with a smile. "Morning, handsome."
Eddie's lips twist up faintly in a smile that takes Buck's breath away everytime he sees it and he looks at Buck with half lidded eyes. "Hi."
"Okay, I got your painkillers and we're ready to go." Buck shakes the plastic bag in his hand in the air as he gets closer to Eddie, who is sitting on the bed in his jogger and loose t-shirt with his packed bag next to him.
"You're slow. I just got greys waiting for you." Eddie smirks at him. "Getting old, Buckley?"
Buck rolls his eyes in annoyance but it's no use, he knows Eddie sees the adorement in his eyes. "Fuck off, you already had them."
Eddie's mouth falls open and he arches his brow. "Now that's rude. You know you should respect your elders." He teases.
The weight of the bed shifts as Buck sits next to Eddie and squints his face, making an oh really? expression. But then, his eyes soften and he stares at Eddie admiringly. Buck's heart aches with the love he has for him. It feels too much, his heart doesn't have enough room for his love. It will combust and take him with it.
Buck must've been staring at Eddie for too long, because Eddie furrows his brows and tilts his head to his side. "What?"
"I love you."
The look on Eddie's face loosens and he brings his face closer to brush his lips against Buck's. "I love you, too." His hot breath tickles Buck's lips. Eddie kisses him one more time and strokes Buck's chin with his thumb and smiles. "Now can we please go?"
They take Chris from school on their way home before they pick up some groceries, snacks and two beers, and let themselves into their home. Buck helps Chris with his homework, they eat the leftovers from yesterday, and watch a movie when everything is finished.
"Okay, time for bed." Eddie clicks on the red button on the remote and puts his empty beer bottle on the coffee table.
Chris screws up his face and whines. "Dad, I don't have school tomorrow."
"It's already midnight, bud." Buck tells him softly and stretches his legs on the coffee table— which makes him earn a side eye from Eddie. "And you had a long day today."
"I thought you were the good cop." Chris crosses his arms.
Eddie chuckles and gets on his feet with a hand covering his side. "He's retired."
"Hey! I'm not."
"Okay, time for bed. For all of us."
Chris rolls his eyes and shrugs loudly. "Fine. Good night." He kisses both of them on the cheek and goes to his room.
"Night, buddy." Buck smiles and watches him go.
Eddie holds Buck's legs and gets them off the coffee table. "Us, too."
"And you're telling me old." Buck teases but gets up anyway. He flicks the lights off and follows Eddie to the bathroom to brush their teeth.
Buck is laying on Eddie's right side with his head resting on Eddie's chest— right above his heart, his one knee bent and leg tangled between Eddie's thighs. He places his arm on Eddie's torso carefully and lightly strokes the bandage under Eddie's shirt with his thumb.
"You scared me today." He whispers.
"You scared me first." Eddie's massages Buck's scalp with his right hand fingers, and his other hand holds Buck as close as his wound allows.
"Guess, we're even." Buck moves his hand from Eddie's side to under his shoulder blades, hugging him like a koala bear hugs his most beloved tree.
"When's your shift tomorrow?" Eddie's voice sounds sleepy.
"Not before noon." Buck snaps his head up and looks at Eddie. "Did you take your meds?"
"I took two." Eddie puts his hand on Buck's head to lower him back to where it was on his chest.
"Are you in pain?"
He feels Eddie's head shake above him. "Not really, just tired."
"Okay, then. Night, Eds."
"Good night, Evan."
Buck closes his eyes and lets the steady beat of Eddie's heart lull him to sleep. It sounds strong, healthy. It means Eddie is alive, and if he had to choose, Eddie's heartbeat would be the only sound he'd be willing to listen to until the end of his days.
Warm hue of the sunlight escaping from the blinds daze his eyes when Buck slowly cracks them open. The playful chirms of the birds wake him up enough to bring him one step closer to full consciousness, and it's one of his favorite things to wake up to because they let them know that a new day is on the horizon. He stays still and lets himself listen to the sounds before he wakes up, but a weird hunch settles in him because something feels— sounds missing. And it doesn't feel right. He remembers falling asleep on Eddie's chest, but now he feels like there is a solid concrete underneath him because Buck's head doesn't move up and down with every breath Eddie takes, and the beat that lulled him into sleep isn't there and there is nothing but silence and it feels wrong because it means only one thing and it shouldn't be happening. There is another beat that's pulsating through his veins fast and deafens his ears and it's so loud but it's not Eddie's— it's his own, and Buck doesn't want to hear that, he wants to hear Eddie's but Eddie doesn't have a heartbeat.
Buck's head shoots up to look at Eddie and the hand that was resting on Buck's back falls onto the side and doesn't move . It's limp.
"Eddie?" His own voice sounds muffled to his own ears from his own thump of his heart. Buck disentangles himself from Eddie and— fuck Eddie's limbs are so pliant, straightens himself up in bed and brings his hand which is trembling like a fucking leaf that's left in a hurricane under Eddie's nose.
Eddie is not breathing.
"Eddie?" Buck breathes out shakily and places his fingers on his boyfriend's neck to feel anything, even one single beat under the tip of his fingers.
He doesn't feel anything. There is nothing.
"No, no, no, no, no, Eddie." He throws his one leg on the other side of Eddie's hips and sits on Eddie's thighs and yanks the pillow under Eddie's head to lower his head; his head slightly falls to the side. Like a puppet.
"Eddie, wake up." Buck presses his fingers one more time on his neck to try again. Maybe he is wrong. Maybe he couldn't feel it and now if he tries one more time, he can find it because it was there hours ago, it should be here now.
But it's not there.
"Baby, wake up." Buck clasps his one hand over the other one and positions them on Eddie's chest, and starts pushing.
"Wake up, please." The bed creaks with the firm and rhythmic push of his hands but it's the only movement coming from the bed other than the trembles wrecking his own body.
He fixes his eyes on Eddie's lax face but his vision gets blurred by hot tears dwelling behind his eyes and he shakes his head to let them fall anywhere but on Eddie's face.
"Ed—"
"Dad?"
Chris? No.
No, no, no.
This can't be happening.
Why is Chris here? He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't see this.
"Ch—" An ugly and loud sob ripping his throat chokes Buck in his words, not letting him finish. "Chris, go to your room and call 911." Buck bites down his lips to hold his next sob but it comes out as a whimper, anyway.
"Buck, is dad—"
"Chris . Please. " He can't do this. He can't. Not Chris.
Buck hears Chris leave and go to his room, and after a few seconds, Chris starts talking.
"My dad isn't waking up."
The cry tearing Buck's throat is beyond his power to contain and it echoes in their room. He can't stop his tears anymore. They flood on Eddie's face and fall and fall and fall down.
"God. Eddie, please." Buck begs in a whisper and sucks in a shaky breath.
He keeps pressing and pressing and his body trembles with fear because Eddie can't die, he would rather rip his own heart out with his bare hands and give it to Eddie if that means Eddie will wake up, but Eddie isn't waking up.
Bobby has decided to come in early to the station today, and he is finishing the last of his paperwork when he eavesdrops on one of the firefighters.
"Isn't that Diaz's house?"
He snaps his head up and frowns at the firefighter. "What's going on?"
"The call, Cap. It's from Eddie's house."
What?
He gets on his feet and walks with them to the truck. "What's the accident?"
"Possible cardiac arrest. The operator said the kid on the phone didn't give too much information."
Cardiac arrest. In Eddie's home.
Bobby gives them a firm nod and gets in the truck as fast as he can. "Turn on the sirens." He blurts out. They need to go there. Fast. He doesn't know what to expect, but the uneasiness in his stomach and the way his throat closes up tell him it's not gonna be something good.
"LAFD!" Before Bobby's knuckles touch the door that he's painfully familiar with, someone opens the door.
Chris? Oh, hell.
Chris moves aside and lets them in. "Cap." The kid's voice trembles.
"Hey, kid." Bobby crouches down in front of him and puts his hand on Chris' shoulder. "Tell me what's going on." Keeping his voice steady.
"My— my dad isn't waking up. They are in the bedroom." Tears fall down Chris' face and his lips quiver as he speaks.
The words coming from Chris are like a slap across the face. Sending him shivers down his spine. But he has no time to panic right now.
Bobby springs to his feet and points at one of his men. "You. Take him to the firehouse and call Hen, stay with him until she arrives." He turns his face to the others. "You two, come with me."
The rush to the bedroom feels like an eternity even though it's not even half a minute away, and he finds the sight he dreads the most.
Buck is positioned on Eddie, doing chest compressions, breathing way too loud and shallow for his own good, and mumbling something under his breath.
Under him, Eddie's limbs move with Buck's presses; but other than that, he is completely still and unresponsive.
It's a nightmare.
Bobby takes a deep breath to calm himself and gets next to Buck. He puts his hand on Buck's shoulder blade and squeezes lightly. The kid is trembling under his fingers. "Buck, let them do it."
Buck shakes his head frantically and doesn't pull away. "No— no, I'll do it, I'll do it." He chokes out but his words are drowning in his sob. Buck doesn't move his face an inch— his eyes still fixed on Eddie's face. "I'll do it."
"Buck." He has no choice. Bobby wraps his fingers around Buck's bicep and pulls him towards himself to get him off the bed. "Take over." He nods to one of the firefighters.
Buck stumbles out of bed and falters on his own feet as Bobby holds his arm and keeps him away; his back hits the wall and he slides down on the ground.
Unable to do anything, Bobby just… watches. He watches his men work on Eddie while keeping his hand on Buck's shoulder. He watches the way Eddie's body moves only from the impact of other people's hands. He watches in horror , and can't even move because this is family. This is one of his family, and he is paralyzed.
"We have a pulse."
Bobby clenches his eyes shut and lets out a shaky breath. He helps them get Eddie on a gurney and checks Eddie's pulse himself before he's rolled out. Just in case. It's there.
"Cap, are you coming?"
"You go, I'll be behind you." He has someone to take care of.
Buck is exactly where Bobby left him, slumped on the ground, his eyes still fixed on the empty bed watching— or, looking through . He knows this look, the thousand-yard stare.
Bobby crouches down in front of him and gently puts his hand on the younger man's knee. "Buck." He tries to get Buck's attention, keeping his voice calm and low, but Buck doesn't look at him. He probably doesn't even hear Bobby; he is still looking at the bed with his red rimmed and glassy eyes without blinking, breathing quietly but not so slowly through his parted lips.
It breaks Bobby's heart into a million pieces. The kid looks so broken.
Bobby squeezes his knee and tries again. "Buck."
"Is he dead?" Buck croaks out, but doesn't turn his head.
Oh, no.
Bobby tilts his head to meet his eyes with Buck's. He shakes his head slowly. "He is not de—"
"Is he dead?" Buck's voice cracks and a tear falls down.
Bobby puts his hand on Buck's shoulder. "He is not dead, Buck."
"Wh-what am I gonna tell Chris?" Buck shakes his head and looks around, his face screwed in panic and terror. "Wha— his parents, what am I gonna say?" Buck's breaths become quicker in each word. He is gonna hyperventilate if Bobby doesn't stop this.
"Buck." Bobby takes Buck's face between his two hands but Buck brushes his hands away. He tries again. "Buck, Eddie is alive." He says firmer this time. Sounding sharp.
Buck wraps his fingers around Bobby's wrists and lowers them away from his face. He clenches his eyes shut and opens them again. "Chris, what am I gonna tell him?" Buck lets out a gut-wrenching whimper. "He— Eddie— w-what am I gonna do?" His breath hitches in his throat.
The moment is painfully familiar to Bobby; it reminds him of his days when he found out he lost his family. But it's not right and it shouldn't be happening to Buck because Eddie is alive and he's gonna be okay.
Only, Buck is too lost to realize that.
"Buck, Eddie is not de—"
"He's gone. Eddie—"
Bobby needs to put an end to this. He grasps Buck by the shoulders, wrapping his fingers around the tense muscles and shakes him. Hard.
"Hey! Look at me. Look at me. Eddie's not dead." Bobby raises his voice slightly.
And with that, Buck just stops.
Buck stops crying. He stops moving and stays completely still under Bobby's hands and stares at him with his misty eyes.
"He's gonna be okay." Bobby lowers his voice and assures Buck softly.
In his eyes, Bobby visibly sees Buck slowly coming out of it and regaining his comprehension— his blues clearing second by second as the adrenaline and shock fade away.
"Eddie is gonna be okay." Bobby repeats.
Buck keeps staring at Bobby for a few minutes, but then, his head drops slowly and his shoulders start to shake as a soft hitch of a sob leaves his lips.
"Come here." Bobby puts his hand behind Buck's head to pull him into his chest, and Buck just falls , his hands clinging onto Bobby's back— onto his shirt tightly.
"It's okay." Bobby whispers and folds his arms around Buck's trembling body. He rests his chin on top of Buck's head and draws soft circles on his back. "It's okay. He's okay."
Buck's never-ending tears stream down his face and wets Bobby's shirt, his painful sobs and cries fill the room as Bobby holds him— the man who has become like his own son over the years, and lets him fall apart.
Turns out, it's a malpractice.
The new technician in the pharmacy confuses the drugs and gives Buck a bottle of morphine pills that looks exactly like a typical painkiller, but when Eddie takes two after his anesthesia and a beer, he goes into an arrest, possibly seconds before Buck wakes up. Like a sick fucking joke.
They perform a gastric lavage and settle Eddie into a room to let him rest, and after half an hour or so, the doctors let Buck in.
Buck is sitting on the chair next to Eddie's bed— the same as yesterday but only this time with Chris fast asleep on the couch, and watching Eddie's chest rise and fall without daring to blink.
It rises.
And it falls.
It rises again.
And it falls again.
Steady.
He doesn't notice someone calling out his name at first, so he slightly startles when a hand touches his.
"Hey."
Buck lifts his head to see Eddie awake, with a sluggish smile on his face.
He is alive. Eddie is alive.
Buck can't stop his face from crumbling as his vision gets blurry with tears. He's cried too much today.
Eddie's mouth opens and a soft but stunned expression wears his face. He raises his hand and pulls Buck's head into his chest. "I'm here."
Buck rests his forehead on Eddie's chest and buries his face close, holding Eddie's arm and embracing his presence.
"I thought I lost you." His voice comes out muffled but it's clear he is crying, there is nothing that can silence his sobs.
Eddie wraps his other arm around Buck and rubs his back. "You haven't. I'm not going anywhere."
They both hold each other until Buck's tears die down and he pulls back to give Eddie some space before his body's weight pains him, but his hand finds Eddie's and their fingers intertwine.
Eddie's eyes land on Chris before he speaks. "Is he okay?"
"He's better. Hen brought him here." Buck says with a hoarse voice.
Eddie nods and squeezes Buck's hand. "How are you?"
Buck ducks his head and shakes it. "I don't know." He doesn't know. He is as good as someone who wakes up to their boyfriend being technically dead under them.
"Look at me."
Buck lifts his head and looks at Eddie. Eddie is looking at him with tender and loving eyes and it pierces Buck's heart.
"Don't relive it. It's over." It amazes Buck how Eddie can sound both gentle and firm at the same time. "You have me."
Buck manages a tiny nod.
Eddie tugs at him by his hand and brings Buck's face closer to his.
His lips brush against Buck's and kisses him softly. "You have me." He whispers.
And Buck believes him.