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If You're Nothing

Summary:

"If you're nothing without the suit, you shouldn't have it,"

And Peter begins to believe he's nothing.

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After what he’s dubbed the “Vulture Incident,” life goes on as normal. 

 

Or, as normal as it can, now that Aunt May knows his big secret.

 

Better than normal actually! 

 

At first, he was grounded indefinitely. His attempts to convince May that his Spider Suit was just a (frighteningly accurate) cosplay failed. May was livid he’d risk his life “doing dumb things like that… that bank robbery from a few weeks back! They had alien technology, Peter! You’re fifteen! You’re supposed to be sneaking out going to parties and having sex, not sneaking out and fighting who knows what!” 

 

Peter did not want to remember May’s lecture about how “he could’ve gotten killed,” and “I’m supposed to be your guardian, Peter. I cannot have you risking your life every night like this!” Nor did he want to recall that May had specifically stated she didn’t want to see him in the suit any time in the near future. He had just gotten it back and now it was being taken away again. 

 

Being grounded “indefinitely,” only lasted about a month. Whenever Ned saw May, he commented how much he missed the vigilante. Happy had apparently called May and asked if he was okay and where the young hero had been. News reporters commented their friendly neighborhood Spider-Man had suddenly gone missing in action, and each expressed their concern for the webslinger. (Even the Daily Bugle, which had nothing to report now that the Spider-Menace had vanished). 

 

May had succumbed to the pressure of the people around her. One afternoon he found the suit folded up on his bed. “May?” he called, knowing he wasn’t the one who placed it there. 

 

She sighed, crossing over to his bed. “You have this gift, Peter,” she began. “You have this power. And with great power, comes great responsibility.” 

 

He looked at the suit in his hands, then back up to May, “You mean. . .” 

 

She nodded, giving her nephew a hug, “Go be the amazing Spider-Man,” 

 

It didn’t take Peter much more convincing. He put his suit on, shouting a “thank you,’ to his aunt, and then patrolled all over Queens. “It’s nice to have you back, Peter,” Karen had said when he slipped on the mask. It wasn’t only Karen who thought that way. Many civilians who noticed him smiled and waved, expressing their relief that Spider-Man was okay and their happiness that he was back to protecting New York. 

 

After the “Vulture Incident,” life goes on as normal. 

 

Better than normal now that May knows the truth. He no longer has to worry about sneaking around his own apartment, worrying May will see him in the suit. He still enters through his window, careful that no one sees him. It’d be hard to explain why he’s at the Parker residence everyday without revealing his identity. 

 

But sometimes May waits for him with Thai ordered from their favorite take out place. She asks him how patrol was and if anything interesting happened. 

 

Life is better now that May knows. 

 

But better doesn’t last for long. 

 

His decline begins when their Academic Decathlon team gets some down time. MJ is strict and schedules practices left and right. Except the amount is too much for even Mr.Harrington himself and the other students beg her for a break. She relents, and the practice becomes a hang out/study hall. 

 

He doesn’t know who brings up the topics about superheroes. It’s not his place to eavesdrop, but his enhanced hearing prevents him from turning the other cheek. So he listens to his classmates gossip about how hot Black Widow and Thor are. He has to agree about Thor.

 

Flash is the one to bring up Spider-Man. Peter would recognize his voice from anywhere. It’s ironic his bully is spouting praises about the webslinger left and right. “Spider-Man is probably stronger than the Hulk. Spider-Man’s enhancements are probably more powerful than Captain America’s. Spider-Man spends his free time making Queens safe! The other Avengers don’t care unless it’s the end of the world! Spider-Man is the type of guy to walk you home if you don’t feel safe at night. Tony Stark would never!” 

 

It’s all fun and games until the conversation keeps going. 

 

“What about the person under the mask?” someone asks. 

 

Flash’s response catches him off guard. 

 

“Under the mask?” Flash scoffs. “People just care about the hero. The person underneath doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, it’s Spider-Man we all love!” 

 

And although Peter is secretive about his identity, that comment stings. 

 

“The person underneath doesn’t matter,” plays on loop in his head. 

 

At first, Peter tells himself to ignore Flash’s words. It’s not like this was anything new to him. He’d been ignoring Flash since middle school and would continue to until they graduated. 

 

Still, the statement enters his mind in the dead of night when he can’t sleep. He remembers it when he’s had a long day. Sometimes, while he’s patrolling, it reminds him the people of Queens don’t care about him, not really. They care about the hero who saves them from car crashes and muggings, who risks his life for the greater good. 

 

They care about what he can do for them. 

 

Flash’s statement starts to sink deeper. 

 

It didn’t bother Peter that the people of Queens were only concerned when donning the Spider suit. In fact, Peter preferred it that way. It’d be odd if an entire city began showing support for boring, old Peter Parker. They didn’t have any reason to worry about the well being of a random teenager, whilas without Spidey they were vulnerable. 

 

But the very few people who did know of Spider-Man’s identity? That’s where it hurts. There were maybe four or five people in the entire world who knew the truth about the webslinger. There were only a few individuals in the entire world who knew he was Spider-Man and Peter Parker didn’t matter to any of them. 

 

He knew Tony and Happy only paid any attention to him due to his vigilantism. In fact, Happy had only called May when Spider-Man dropped off the face of the Earth and expressed his concerns for the vigilante. Not Peter Parker, Spider-Man. He hadn’t heard from Tony since the day he declined to join the Avengers. That only reinforced the belief he was only as important as his alter ego. 

 

Of course, Ned and May cared about him before he was Spider-Man. Yet, ever since the truth came out, they had acted… different around him, for lack of better words. Ned was always asking him about his time in the suit and crazy villains he fought. As much as he loved to humor his friend’s questions, occasionally he wished they could go back to doing normal things like building with LEGOs and watching Star Wars. Ever since Ned found out, he was hyperfocused on the fact Peter was a superhero, seeming to forget he was still a fifteen year old kid. 

 

May had been extra kind to him since letting him don the suit again. There was nothing making her go out of her way for Peter. Nobody forced her to let him stay up till midnight fighting crime or rub his back soothingly at the end of a hard patrol, but she did all the same. 

 

Ned and May thought he was better as Spider-Man than Peter Parker. 

 

“The person underneath doesn’t matter,” once again repeated in his head. 

 




“Karen,” Peter begins. He’s sitting on the top of his apartment building. The night has been quiet, yet he enjoys the feeling of swinging through the night air. “If I lost all my powers tomorrow, would you still be my friend?” 

 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” the A.I. replies, much to Peter’s disappointment. “I do not know of any way for you to lose your powers. Besides, I am an artificial intelligence. Although you may consider me a friend, I do not have the emotional capabilities to return that friendship.” 

 

“Yeah,” Peter laughs. “Of course,” he replies, despite his bitter tone. 

 

He sighs, looking up at the night sky. A whole city of people who knew him as Spider-Man. Fewer knew him as Peter Parker, and those who did preferred Spider-Man over him. His shoulders slumped as he said out loud what he didn’t want to admit, “I really am nothing without the suit.” 

 

And if he was nothing without the suit, he shouldn’t have it.


“Welcome to the compound, Peter Parker,” FRIDAY greeted when he entered. “Shall I alert boss you’re here?” 

 

Peter shrugged, “Uhhh, that’s okay. I’m not staying for long. I just have to return something to him,” he explained, looking back at the box in his hands. Inside, his suit folded up and ready to be taken back. Along with a small note, explaining why he was returning it. 

 

It wasn’t really an explanation. It didn’t explain how Flash’s words stung all those weeks ago. It didn’t describe how it hurt he was when Happy only checked in on his Spider-Man activities; not that the man had any reason or time to deal with a random teeanger. It didn’t state how Ned and May cared more about him now that he was a hero, and how he felt like he couldn’t live up to his own alter ego. 

 

It was just a sticky note, repeating Tony’s words: “If I’m nothing without the suit, I shouldn’t have it.” 

 

“Very well, Peter,” she replied. “Boss is currently out right now. You may leave it in his lab. I will alert him when he arrives home.” 

 

“Thanks Fri.” 

 

Peter placed the box down, and left without another word. 

 

If Peter had a nickel for everytime he came home to Tony Stark in his living room, he’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. What was even weirder, was that it was the day after he’d given up the suit. 

 

It started like any normal day. May asked him about school, if anything interesting happened, etc. Then, “So, I hear you’ve given up being Spider-Man,” she casually throws in. “Is this true Peter?” 

 

He scoffs, “Where’d you hear that?” but as soon as he steps into the living room he realizes exactly how she knew. Because once again, Tony Stark was sitting on his couch. “Mr.Stark…” he breathes out, surprised to see the man. Didn’t he just quit his nightly activities? “What are you doing here?” 

 

“Why don’t you tell me, Mr.Parker?” he retorts. “I find your suit folded up neatly in my lab with no explanation why it’s there, except for a message from Fri about you “returning something” and a rather cryptic sticky note. So, then I call May to ask if she knows why you’re giving up your suit, and she says she didn’t even know you gave it up,” Tony explains. “Now, would you like to explain to the class why we’re suddenly giving up vignatlism, Pete?” 

 

Peter looks between the two, and gives them a shrug, “Didn’t you read the sticky note?” he mumbles towards Tony. 

 

“That’s not an explanation, kid.” 

 

Peter sighs. “You told me if I’m nothing without the suit, I shouldn’t have it,” he begins. “And, I’m nothing without the suit, so I shouldn’t have it. 

 

“Peter,” May says, “You are incredible without that suit or not.” 

 

He shrugs, “But you like me more with it, right?” he asks. “Ever since you found out, you’ve been acting nicer, b-because I’m Spider-Man, right?” he asks, all his fears and anxiety from the past month about to spill out. “B-because if I was only Peter Parker, then you wouldn’t have to care, right? But since I protect the city now you have to care more because without me, there’s no Spider-Man and without Spider-Man, Queens is unprotected,” he swallows back a cry. “I’m only important as Spider-Man. I’m nothing as Peter Parker.”

 

“Honey, I’m not worried about Spider-Man. He can fend for himself. What the city doesn’t see is my baby who comes home everyday tired from patrol, but still willing to risk his life everyday to protect his city. And maybe I’ve been kinder or more lenient since finding out about your nightly activities, but that’s not because I favor the webslinger over you. It’s because at the end of the day, Peter Parker needs just as much recognition and respect as Spider-Man does.” 

 

They’re silent for a moment as Peter takes in her words. Her extra kindness was never about preferring her nephew when he was swinging around in spandex. It was about protecting her nephew when he was tired from a long day of patrol. Looking out for the little guy, except now that little guy was him. 

 

May then broke the silence with, “I also don’t think Tony Stark would be calling me frantically at midnight asking why you’re giving up Spider-Man and if everything is okay here, if anyone is hurt, if you need anything, and just in general keeping me awake for an hour worrying about you.” 

 

Peter turned to Tony, “You… what?” 

 

Tony suppressed a chuckle, “Well, when the kid who hacks into a multimillion dollar suit gives up said suit, you couldn’t blame me when I was a little worried.” 

 

“No, you were not a little worried!” May exclaims. “Peter, I had to prevent this man from taking an Iron Man suit here in the middle of the night. I was on the phone with him until one in the morning, where at that point I was too tired to hold a conversation and simply told him to come over after you got out of school.” 

 

“Really?” 

 

“Okay, so maybe I was more than a little worried,” Tony admits. “But, I am glad everything is okay. Well, mostly. We’ve gotta work on that self-esteem of yours, Underoos,” Tony says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Anyway, I was talking to May, and we thought about making your internship real. Like, real as in you’re gonna work with me in the lab upgrading suits and programming and whatnot.” 

 

“Really?” Peter repeats, much more enthusiastic this time. 

 

“Happy will pick you up from school Wednesdays and Fridays.” Tony smirked, “Don’t tell him I said this, but he misses you. You, Peter Parker.” 

 

Peter smiled, “Thank you, Mr.Stark.” 

 

“I should probably get going,” The man said as he stood up. “But, I’ll see you on Wednesday, Parker.” 

 

“Yeah, Wednesday!” He repeated. 

 

May smiled at him, and he smiled back. “We love you, Peter Parker,” she repeats. “But, Tony left the suit in your room if you’re still up for patrolling.” 

 

Peter nods and heads to his room. The box he “returned” the suit in, is sitting on his bed. When Peter opens it, the suit is still folded up the same way, but the sticky note is different. 

 

“If you’re nothing without the suit, you’re still everything as Peter Parker - T.S.”