Chapter Text
Despite the amazing and thrilling life that being head of the Arataki Gang was, Itto couldn’t help but feel completely and utterly bored sometimes. Kind of like right at that moment, when he, Genta, Mamoru, and Akira were sitting around in the grass on the outskirts of Inazuma City and trying to ignore the throbbing they felt from the beating Shinobu just gave them.
“I’m bored,” he therefore announced loudly, stretching his arms above his head and yawning (as an alternative to howling from the pain in his back). “We should do something.”
“But Boss, Shinobu just beat us up,” Mamoru whined. “We’re still hurting. And she’ll probably beat us even more if we go anywhere.”
Genta and Akira groaned in agreement, closing their eyes and rubbing their injuries.
Itto squawked at the sheer audacity of his gang members. The Arataki Gang, still mewling and licking their wounds?? No-siree! He would not have it, nope. They did what they wanted, when they wanted!
(Although he could acknowledge that maybe it was only really him that wanted to do something besides lay on his side and moan in agony. And even that seemed the tiniest bit appealing. But of course, he had to set an example for the gang. Real men didn’t act like baby beetles!)
“We won’t get into any trouble, pfft!” he snorted. He rose to his feet and did not feel the urge to scream his lungs out at the pull of his aching muscles.
And then, all of a sudden, he had an amazing idea. The most awesome, fantastic-o one ever! And that was hard to beat, considering he often had many great ideas.
“Hey! What if we hold a lavender melon roasting? Y’know, to celebrate Shinobu staying in the gang? That way she can’t get mad at us because we’ll be singing her praises to the archons,” crowed Itto. He chuckled at the pure brilliance of it all.
Genta and Mamoru gasped, their eyes shining.
“That’s a great idea, Boss!” Genta exclaimed, hopping to his feet in excitement. “And we can- OW - get some food into our poor stomachs.”
Akira nodded slowly, though there was some hesitance in his gaze. “But…are you sure we won’t mess something up? I feel like every time we try to do something we end up opposite Shinobu's fists!” He put his own fist to his mouth, as if he was a toddler trying not to cry.
“Man up, guys,” Itto sighed, clapping his hands together. “Everyone up! In order to have a lavender melon roasting, we need…”
“A fire?” prompted Mamoru.
“Some…skewers to spear them on?” noted Genta.
“Some notion of sanity?” quaked Akira.
Itto chortled at their suggestions. “Nah, nah. While those are indeed necessary things to have - except maybe whatever Akira said - what we really need is…LAVENDER MELONS!!”
He was met with rousing ooh s and ahh s of realization. Hah, where would these guys be without him? I mean, clearly he was the head of the whole operation.
“But where should we go to get them?” wondered Genta.
The gang thought very hard, closing their eyes shut to gain the most brain power they could.
After a moment, Mamoru let out a little “ah!”
“Why don’t we go ask Shinobu? She’ll definitely know how we can get some,” he exclaimed.
Genta gave him an approving grin, and they started to get up to do so, despite their near-broken bones.
“Waitwaitwait, NO,” shouted Itto, racing over and pushing them back down to sitting positions. They whimpered at their tailbones hitting the ground. “We want this to be a surprise, ya know? She’ll be so much more excited when we spring this waving a bunch of fat, juicy lavender melons on sticks to roast and we’re all like, ‘WOO SHINOBU!!’ Right??”
“Ohhhh.” Everyone nodded, exchanging looks of agreement.
“Yeah, you’re totally right, Boss!” cheered Mamoru.
“So…how can we get lavender melons?” mused Akira.
Again, they tried their best to think, almost squeezing their eyeballs out.
Then Itto snapped his fingers.
“You know the best place to find them? That costs NO MORA whatsoever?”
The gang gave confused murmurs, trying to guess what he could be thinking.
“The…the wild?” asked Akira nervously. Genta and Mamoru let out noises of realization and nodded in agreement.
“BINGO!” hollered Itto. “It’s perfect. C’mon, let’s go get some quick!”
“B-but isn’t it dangerous with all the electro energy and wild animals and-”
Itto scoffed, flicking his head (and perfectly groomed hair) to the side nonchalantly.
“I got this. I’m the One and Oni, remember? I can handle any of that stuff that comes our way! Don’t worry so much,” he said, attempting to be reassuring. He clapped Akira on the back, resulting in a pained screech from the latter. “Oops. Still hurts, huh?”
“Y-yeah, Boss…”
“Sorry about that, Well, up and at ‘em, everyone! Nothing like some stretching of our legs to help the Shino-beats go away!”
Itto ignored the groans all around and gave them each a hand, helping them up. Then they headed off into the plains of Inazuma.
(The gang would later recall that it was him yanking their arms out of their sockets that caused them to take on this endeavor.)
Finding lavender melons took a bit more effort than expected. The gang ended up going all over the place, coincidentally missing every tree that had lavender melons hanging on them.
“Where could they possibly be?” wheezed Mamoru, staggering like an old man up one particular hilly area. They were attempting to search in a tangle of trees up ahead.
“I thought I saw some somewhere else, but it was just some tingly purple crystals that shocked me when I touched them…OW,” offered Genta. He rubbed his hand.
“Why would you touch those?!” cried Akira.
“I could’ve sworn there were some this way…,” muttered Itto, “or maybe it was the other way. Eh, they’re lavender melons! They can’t be that hard to find!”
With that, one promptly fell from who knows where above and bonked him on the head before bouncing onto the ground.
“OW!”
“Boss, you found them!” yelled Genta delightedly.
“How did we not see those before…,” sighed Mamoru.
Itto grumbled as he rubbed his head, bending down and searching the grass for the offending fruit. Shuffling around for a bit, he finally found it and held it up triumphantly. “AHA!”
However, with that, he uncovered a particularly large (and furious looking) onikabuto. It was a deep magenta, and clicked its pincers together menacingly.
“Oh, hey little buddy!” Itto greeted it jovially. “Just getting a few lavender melons here. But you look like a great contender for beetle battling! Say, I’m looking for some new recruits…”
Click click , it went, as if to say, Are you kidding me right now. You’re not the only one who got hit on the head with a melon - though you’re on your own in terms of brain damage.
Akira and Mamoru seemed to sense this, and warily backed away. Genta turned to look at them quizzically, mouthing, Where are you going??
“Uhh…Boss? It doesn’t seem too friendly right now…,” stammered Mamoru nervously.
“Bah! No beetle can turn down a fight!” chuckled Itto.
Another click click . A hiss.
Then it promptly lunged at Itto’s face.
(He wasn’t wrong - it certainly can be seen that they won’t turn down a fight.)
“AHHHH!” he shrieked, stumbling and waving his arms in the air frantically. The gang members quickly skittered out of the way as he lost his footing, finally tripping and rolling down the hill. With a beetle on his face.
“BOSS!!” they all screamed, racing down after him. Mamoru also tripped and fell flat on his face, before deciding to just suck it up and log roll the rest of the way.
Itto, at the bottom of the hill, was rolling about and tussling with the stubborn, infuriated beetle. He swatted at it, but it dodged and he only succeeded in slapping his own face. This occurred several times, and there were many red marks on his face as evidence.
Finally, after a few minutes of grueling battle, he unceremoniously grabbed the onikabuto, legs flailing in the air, and flung it away as far as he could. Rather ungracefully, he picked himself up, rubbing his face, and snarled. Him, losing to a beetle?? That was a new low.
“We…are never going to bring that up again,” he huffed, exhausted from that encounter. “Buuuuut I’ll probably stay away from onikabuto for a bit.”
“Does that mean I automatically win the round you promised you’d play with me in a few days??” Genta asked excitedly.
“NO.”
That lavender melon expedition being unsuccessful (the melon got squashed or flung in the chaos - no one really knows which), the gang decided to try Inazuma City instead. At least Itto knew there wouldn’t be any evil onikabuto there (he hoped).
The only problem: the lavender melons here cost mora. Moola they weren’t sure if they had to spare.
Approaching the main street of Hanamizaka, Itto stopped, the gang members crashing into one another behind him in a halt, and turned around to face them.
“Okay, everyone empty your pockets. C’mon, c‘mon,” ordered Itto, clapping his hands. Everyone quickly dug into their pockets, trying to pull out all the coins they had.
“A lavender melon at Shimura’s costs 240 mora,” noted Akira.
“Wait, really? That isn’t expensive at all!” chortled Mamoru. “We totally could’ve come here first. Then Boss wouldn’t have been attacked by a-”
“SHHH, I said we won’t bring that up again,” hissed Itto. “And while that is indeed a good price, we can’t just buy one melon. We have to buy…uh…” Among Itto’s many talents, math wasn’t at the top of the list. “A bunch! Yeah, that’s an official unit of measurement, right? Cool.”
“Hmm, do we have enough between us though?” asked Mamoru. “I’ve got…1,000 here.”
“I have 1,300,” said Akira.
“And I have 1,500. Ha, I have more than both of you!” boasted Genta.
“Actually, 1,000 plus 1,300 is 2,300…”
“Shush, that’s not what I meant.”
“Well then that’s 3,800 mora total. Boss, what about you?”
Itto was still digging for coins, but looked up, startled. “Oh! Ah, yeah, I have 100 right here, totally. Great, so we for sure will have enough!”
“Wait, do I have to use all of mine??” wailed Genta. “I thought I could keep some! I was saving for the new Genius Invokation TCG add on set!” He put his head in his hands. Having the most mora was not an accomplishment anymore.
“It’s for Shinobu, don’t worry,” Itto consoled him, clapping him on the shoulder. “Think about it - no ‘lessons’ for at least two weeks, I’m betting!”
Genta pondered this.
“That does sound pretty nice…,” he mumbled. “Okay, let’s do it!”
Gathering up all their mora into one pouch, they set off to Shimura’s.
Once they arrived, Itto strode straight up to the counter. The customers eating meals at the bar scooted their stools away slightly, warily eyeing him.
“I’ll take all your lavender melons, please,” he said, giving his signature oni grin.
The shopkeeper raised an eyebrow, but didn’t see any reason to deny them. He shrugged.
“…Sure. I’ve actually got some extra right now, so there’s fifteen,” Shimura Kanbei nodded. He went to retrieve their melons.
Genta pumped his arm. “Yes, we have some left over! That Genius Invokation set is mine! ”
“But what if that mora was from what we donated?” challenged Mamoru, pointing to himself and Akira. Akira’s eyes darted around, not wanting to be dragged into it.
“Hey, I donated the largest portion-!”
They squabbled, creating a small ruckus in front of the shop. Akira desperately tried to stop them, but eventually got caught up as well.
Itto swiveled around to shush them. “Guys, stop it! Shinobu will find us for sure if you keep doing that!”
That shut them up in record timing.
Finally, Shimura Kanbei came back to the counter, a large bag of lavender melons in hand.”
“Here you go. That’ll be 3,600 mora.”
Itto gave him a thumbs up and dumped out their coins.
“Here. Uhhh, 100…200…ya know, just take it all! Consider it a thank you and an apology for any disturbances we may have caused before,” Itto said generously. (And for the record, it was not because he didn’t feel like counting it out, it was because he was feeling magnan- magana- oh, whatever that big word Shinobu used for being very nice and stuff.)
Genta snapped his head toward him. “W-wait, my Genius Invokation funds-!”
But Shimura Kanbei smiled and took the mora. “Thank you very much, I appreciate the sentiment. Enjoy your lavender melons.”
“Thank you, sir!” exclaimed Itto. “Guys, the melons are ready! We are gonna have a fan -tastic roasting.”
The members reached to try and help him hold the melons, but he waved them off. “I got this! Fifteen lavender melons have nothing on me.”
He grabbed the bag, cradling it in his giant oni arms. It was actually pretty big, even for him, but he could totally handle it.
“Let’s roll! We’ve gotta find the perfect spot. I’ve got just the right one in mind,” Itto beckoned them as he was walking, looking behind.
However, without realizing it, he reached a stair going down and - maybe it was the combined effects of some mysterious slippery substance, not being able to see very well over the bag, or looking backward while walking forward, but he slipped.
And all their hard-earned lavender melons went tumbling down the staircase, Itto along with them.
“AHHH! NonoNO THE MELONS-” he thundered, but helpless to stop himself from going down.
“BOSS!” Genta, Mamoru, and Akira yelled in horror, racing after him. However, they only succeeded in slipping on the stairs as well.
Sliding down at a terrible speed, they all but crashed into some poor people unfortunate enough to be walking the same street and hit the railing in a large and painful CRASH.
“WAUGH!” Itto yelped, feeling squashed melon on his…everywhere. “Oof- oof- HELP, GUYS.”
The rest of them were also covered in lavender melon guts, the purple dye accentuating their bruises.
“I think…I thought Shinobu broke my arm earlier, but I realize now that was just a light tap and this must be what a broken bone feels like,” whimpered Genta.
“My bruises have bruises now,” moaned Mamoru.
“G-guys, we better clean up this mess before someone-,” started Akira.
“Boss?! Genta?? Mamoru?? Akira??” a new voice called out, incredulous.
They all quickly swiveled their heads, knowing that voice because of the fear it inspired with that particular tone.
“Oh no, she found us!” cried Akira.
“I- oh h-heyyy, Shinobu!” stammered Itto, striking as suave a pose as he could laying on the ground in a puddle of lavender melon juice. “Long time no see! We were just, uhh…doing some street art, yeah! With lavender melon dye, yknow…”
Shinobu was already stomping over, glaring at them with laser eyes.
“What. Is. Going. On. Here.”
“I- uhh…surprise??” offered Itto. “Yeah, okay, fine, these were for a celebratory melon roasting for a certain someone! Right, guys? Right??”
The rest of the gang could only tremble in silence. Finally, they simply burst into tears.
“W-we’re sorry, Shinobu! Please don’t beat us up again pleasepleaseplease!!” they sobbed.
Shinobu smacked her forehead before pulling each of them to their feet.
“Everyone, get up. Now. After we treat your injuries, we’ll have another lesson on the gang bylaws,” she commanded. A menacing look glinted violet in her gaze.
All of them stared at her, eyes widened in shock and fear as if lightning had struck them. Looking up into the sky, hoping for any sort of divine intervention or salvation (or even to be literally sniped by lightning), they sobbed again.
“NOOOOOO!!”