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Chris spotted his first officer skulking behind his hydroponic garden, half-hidden behind the bountiful collection of produce. The light bent around Una and refracted through the glass casing creating a myriad of shadows and vivid colours on the polished floor. His attention wandered from the dizzying display to her thigh, which Number One was rather-distracting tapping with gold-flecked nails. She kept shooting him looks over the top of her datapad, trying but failing to hide her motivations. She was hovering.
So, they were going to have a chat.
Pike fought to keep his expression neutral as he returned his gaze to the photographs of their fallen crewmembers, ignoring the pit opening in his chest. Guilt gnawed at him from a distance just like Una. He valiantly maintained his Captain's mask throughout the wake, and right up until the last few crewmembers said their goodbyes. Solid and dependable - just what the ship needed. He couldn't afford to stumble at this late hour.
Only when his quarters were clear did Una make her move.
She joined him in a few long strides, the data pad hugged against her chest. His defence mechanism was a smile, hers was definitely that pad.
"Cadet Uhura's staying on."
"That was fast." He didn't have the energy to show his surprise. "At least something good came out of this mess."
Una tutted - honest to god giving him flashbacks to his childhood. "So, we're in that type of mood are we?"
Chris wasn't easily riled but the comment rankled his feathers, just a little. His lips twitched but he refrained from commenting. Doing so would only mean her victory.
Oh, who was he kidding? Una was going to lead this dance - she always did.
Una glanced sideways at him, the look that made him feel like he was being dissected like one of Spock's experiments. He weathered the storm better than most, lasting a full 5 seconds before turning away and heading for the well-stocked bar cart.
Number One said nothing but dogmatically followed in his footsteps; she accepted the first drink he handed her. Chris poured himself two fingers of Andorian ale, saluted the picture of Hemmer and knocked back the blue liquid relishing the warmth it provided. The warmth didn't protect him for long. Chris felt her gaze burning a hole in the side of his head, so he stupidly popped his head above the parapet and took the full force of Una's disapproval.
Her lips were pressed tightly into a grimace and she muttered something harsh under her breath.
Something in him flared at that.
"I didn't ask you to stay." Chris snapped, pointing a finger at her accusingly.
"You didn't have to." Una didn't acknowledge the digit in her face. "Shall we just skip the self-flagellation and jump to the end. It would save us a lot of time." Una smirked a little, her hand skimming over his drinks collection, "not to mention your alcohol."
Pike glared at his first officer, a hot retort on the tip of his tongue. He held it in barely. The comment rankled him more than it should have - he knew Una was trying to stop him from spiralling but God damn it, sometimes he wished he could just wallow. Well, he didn't. Not really. It was just so blasted annoying that she could read him like this.
Chris huffed and began to pace on the spot, restless energy bubbling up to the surface. Now he was able to process the events of the planet everything was hitting him at once, the stench of blood and decomposing flesh, burnt circuits, fear. Valeo Beta V was as barren as it was deadly, the sheer frigid wind stripped away life almost as fast as the hatchlings had. The planet held his mind in an icy grip, one he didn't know how to break.
So much for a family outing.
The last thought stuck with him and he broke out into a morbid laugh, hands landed on his hips as he shook his head at the ceiling. "Next time I suggest taking the kids for a day out, remind me of today."
"We work in space, it's dangerous."
Chris wasn't in a place to hear her words; he continued pacing.
"I treated it like an excursion, a fun day out with 'the great Captain Pike' before I sent them back to the academy." The mocking lilt was delivered with a curled lip.
Una ignored the barb. "That's because you're a hopeless explorer, and so were they."
He was a tornado, veering this way and that with no real destination in mind, he just kept moving. Una was the calm at the centre of his storm.
"The gorn tore them to shreds, Duke was ripped right out of Spock's hands!"
Una declined to hold his gaze, her own going unfocussed. "Loss is horrible, no matter the cause."
Easy words when you aren't the one with the memories.
"I signed their death warrants."
"You don't really believe that."
Didn't he?
He stubbornly remained silent.
Una drew herself up to her full height and inhaled deeply causing her nostrils to flare. "No mission is truly safe, no one can win all the time." She took the empty glasses and poured more ale - the bottle landing with a heavy clink when she was through. "Not even you."
Chris knew she was right, of course, he did, but his stomach churned at the thought of simply accepting the tragedy. He hadn't been able to stop the hatchlings from getting his crew, so now here he was picking for a fight. The problem was - he could never win in a fight against his Number One, not when he knew the outcome. As she said, no one could win all the time.
His shoulders sagged and he deflated, the carpet got a rest from his continuous movement. Pike's gaze drifted to the three faces on the table. "I just wish they weren't so young."
Una bowed her head, feeling the loss alongside him. Out of nowhere a chuckle, an attempt at levity to lighten the heavy air. "They get younger every year."
The distraction worked, a little.
Pike looked at his first officer, thinking back to when they first met. The years had started to show on both of them, wrinkles etched deeper, hairs greying - his more than hers. "I think it's us who have gotten older, One."
Una raised one perfectly manicured brow, not fond of his gall. "Speak for yourself, old-timer."
Chris snorted, holding a hand above his heart theatrically. "You wound me."
Una grinned back at him and some of the chills left the room, the air didn't feel as suffocating as before. Number One's smile slipped first, warmth ebbing away like a burning candle wick. Chris watched her approach the table - her posture uncharacteristically loose and movements less than sure.
She placed her datapad down gently and picked up a photograph. "Did you know Hemmer had a brother?"
"No, he never mentioned family." Chris slipped into her gravity silently.
Una chuckled unrestrained, her eyes stayed locked on the smiling Aenar. "They were little terrors as kids, he told me once that the pair of them would run away from home for days on end - a challenge to survive in the freezing wilderness."
She put the picture down, the fond smile slipping into something more melancholy. "Their poor mother."
Pike was watching her carefully, he noticed when her eyes started to glisten and he gripped her hand when it began to tremble. "Come here."
He gathered her into his arms and she came without protest. Una moulded into his chest as though she belonged, her chin rested against his shoulder whilst her arms wrapped around his waist. Chris felt her sniff against his shoulder as his tears threatened. Her hair was tickling his cheek but he paid it no mind, instead, he rubbed soothing circles into her back, feeling Una relax into the embrace fully. She returned the gesture.
Una was always so stoic, so strong, often Chris forgot how deeply she felt when her armour was down. They'd both lost some of their kids.
"He was one hell of an engineer," Chris muttered against her raven hair.
Una sniffed and choked out a laugh all at once. "Damn right he was."
Chris felt Una squeeze his chest and knew their embrace was coming to an end. He relished in the comfort before it disappeared, these precious moments with his Number One so fleeting. He inhaled deeply before letting go, strawberry and rose fragrances battled with the smell of cooking. Omelettes. She smelled of his kitchen and wasn't that a memory to hold onto.
Number One pulled her arms back and put a little distance between them, Chris kept them anchored by holding her forearms. "You okay?"
Una breathed in deeply, blinked away any trace of errant tears and offered him a genuine smile. "I will be."
Chris nodded, understanding that on a deeper level. He finally broke the connection between the two of them, his arms falling uselessly to his sides. Una reached around him to the table and collected her datapad. She turned on the screen and clacking filled the space - her manicured nails dancing.
"I'll set up some one-on-one sessions with the counsellor for the landing party."
Back to business.
"And anyone who wants it." He added, pointedly staring at her and crossing his arms in a way that brooked no arguments.
Una fought off a scowl and after a few moments of battling looks, she gave in, nails tapping away more instructions.
Pike scoffed and shook his head, defiant to the end. He followed her lead and headed over to the mahogany-trimmed seats where his data pads were.
They had a ship to run.
She handed him the list of relatives before he had to ask, and the pair worked in tandem through the condolence letters. Traditionally it was a Captain's job but Una would never let him handle the burden alone, and he was grateful for it.
It was a sad reflection of their lives that this was familiar, and that they had a routine, but there was little use dwelling on the past. It was one of their rules.
Una would mix them up a mystery drink, he would write up the drafts and she would proofread, adding a suggestion here and there. When he was emotionally wrung out and feeling a little tipsy she would head to the kitchen and whip up pancakes with syrup, strawberries and cream - one of the only recipes that he had managed to teach her. They would lounge on the sofa toes touching under blankets and put on a movie - usually his choice - eating pancakes and burying the past where it belonged.