Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Enix walked into the ancient temple he had passed by so many times but never paid any mind to. He had never been a particularly religious man, but at this point he didn’t have anything left to lose.

Once he got to the center of the temple, Enix got down on his knees and bowed, closing his eyes.

“Oh, Great Moon Goddess of this temple, things haven’t been going great for me, so if you’re there, please give me a sign.”

“Hello!”

Enix looked up to see a woman with olive skin, long black hair and glowing green eyes happily waving at him.

“Y—you’re the Moon Goddess?”

“Nah, she’s been gone for a long time.” The woman made a gesture with her hand to emphasize her point. “I was just passing through the area and I thought I’d say Hi. I’m Marcy! I can help you!” She snapped her fingers and a bag of money appeared in front of Enix.

“Won’t just creating money like this cause inflation problems?” asked Enix.

The woman shrugged. “I try not to think about it too much.”

“So this is our home base!”

Anne decided that today she’d create a portal from the Afterlife Realm to the Multiversal Rift so she could show her parents the place where she and her wives perform a lot of their Guardian duties. In all likelihood Anne wasn’t supposed to be doing this, but who’s going to stop her? Not the old Guardian, that’s for sure.

“So this house is a lot bigger on the inside than on the outside.” Anne pointed to different areas of the house. “Okay so that’s my corner with all the frogs, and that’s Sasha’s with the giant swords, and of course the one that looks just like an anime scene is Marcy’s.”

“This is all very fascinating, Anne,” said Bee.

“And very disorganized,” said Oum. “How can you three keep track of anything in here when everything is so cluttered? You need to clean this place up a little.”

“Mom, it's not that bad!” Anne protested.

Oum was undeterred. “I don’t care that you’re a space goddess and we’re both dead, I’m still your mother.”

Anne sighed in defeat. “Yes, mom.”

Sasha and Marcy were looking at the old Guardian's notes on various dimensions.

“So there’s this one world with some cavemen-looking guys,” said Sasha. “And apparently they’ve been there for 40 million years and haven’t discovered fire yet.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if they were doing something in the meantime,” said Marcy. “But it looks like they haven’t changed at all. It’s like playing Civilization but we can’t progress any further because all the good features are unlocked.”

A few seconds passed and then Sasha and Marcy looked at each other.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked Marcy.

Sasha smiled. “Oh absolutely. What’s the worst that can happen?” 

One Hour Later

Ux gahdz! (“It burns!”)

Ruaue joah gahd hdap? (“What does ‘burn’ mean?”)

O reok hwee!!! (“I don’t know!!!”)

Sasha and Marcy looked down at the carnage they accidentally caused.

“Whoops…” said Marcy.

“Yeah…” said Sasha. “We should get out of here before—

“What did you two do!?”

Well, shit. They turned around to see Anne staring at them with fury etched into every fiber of her being.

Marcy immediately pointed at Sasha and vice versa. “It was her idea!”

“Welcome back to our exclusive interview with herpetologist-turned-Multiversal Guardian Anne Boonchuy!”

The studio audience cheered wildly.

“Thank you, everyone!” said Anne, waving to the crowd.

“Okay, right now Anne will be taking some audience questions,” said the host. “And she specifically requested no questions about the Frogvasion of Los Angeles. Keep them modern.” They pointed to someone in the second row. “Alright, let’s start with you in the blue and purple shirt.”

“I don’t know if you’ll feel comfortable answering this,” said the blue-purple shirted viewer, “but is there anything you dislike about being a Guardian.”

“Ooh, good question,” said Anne. “I’m not sure if I truly dislike it since it has a lot of uses, but my heightened senses definitely have some disadvantages. They can be kind of uncomfortable at times. Like right now for instance, about a third of the audience isn’t wearing adequate enough deodorant.”

There was absolute silence. No one said a word, confusing Anne. Her confusion lasted for about ten seconds before it finally clicked to her that maybe she shouldn’t have said that.

Anne blushed with embarrassment. “Uh… not that that’s a bad thing…” The silence persisted. “Wow, look at the time, I have to go now!”

And with that, Anne disappeared. She probably won’t be doing another interview any time soon.

“You’ve all done a great job harnessing the power of the Pearls to help your world,” said Sasha. “Now you’re ready for your biggest challenge yet: halting the destruction of Mount Phasco, which will begin in three days.

“Thank you for all your help!” said Franny.

“Yeah, adventuring sure has been fun!” said Josh, wiping sweat off his brow. Marsupia gets pretty hot this time of year.

“You're welcome,” said Anne. “But before you do anything you must do something very important…”

“Choosing a soundtrack!” said Marcy excitedly.

“Are… are you serious?” asked Pat.

“Of course!” said Anne. “I learned from personal experience that background music can completely make or break a fight.”

“It’s true,” said Marcy. “Anne’s main go-to music is K-pop and Sasha usually goes for rock or some sort. Meanwhile my favorite style of music changed a lot over the years, like when I was really little I liked classical music because that’s what my parents wanted me to like, then I started playing video games a lot so I listened to game soundtracks like nonstop and I never really stopped doing that but I did go through new musical phases, like a brief punk phase when I was seventeen because what teenager doesn’t, and after that I…………

The three marsupials shared a look that said “we’re gonna be here a while”.

“Are the statues not to your liking, Master Marcy?”

Paladin Olivia II was showing Marcy a fresh set of statues erected in New Newtopia which depicted the Guardians in their adult Calamity forms. They were very well-sculpted and all the details were correct: their armor, their dynamic hair, they each had a ring on each hand. But despite this, Marcy couldn’t help but feel that something wasn’t right.

“No, I like them! I really do!” said Marcy. “But I think they need improvement, and I’m not sure what exactly…” Marcy drummed her fingers on her chin as she pondered what the statues needed…

And then it hit her. Frog, it was so obvious, how did she not notice it before?

Marcy snapped her fingers and suddenly there was a post-it note reading “Marcy wuz here!” on the chest of each statue. And these weren’t typical cheap post-it notes. These were sturdy and possibly indestructible.

“Now they’re perfect!”

“Hmm… for a dimension of pigeons, Columbidae is surprisingly cool,” remarked Sasha.

Today the Guardians were looking at different worlds, simply observing. It wasn’t the most exciting thing to do, but it’s part of the job. This world was populated entirely by pigeons, who were somewhat intelligent but for the most part not that different from their Earth counterparts.

Right now Sasha was watching two pigeons fight in a makeshift arena. It was kind of like cockfighting, but with pigeons. She watched as one pigeon tackled the other to the ground, holding it down with its talons. This lasted for six seconds before the pigeon on top released, and judging by the cheering birds it won the match. 

“Alright, I’m digging this.”

All of a sudden the victorious pigeon looked right at Sasha.

“Can this pigeon… see me?”

That’s not supposed to happen. Whenever the Guardians are simply observing they become invisible and inaudible. They had been flawless in that regard so far but somehow it didn’t work on this one pigeon. She would’ve chalked it up to coincidence, but the pigeon wasn’t just looking in her general direction, it was making direct eye contact .

“Is it a magic pigeon? That’s the only explanation…”

Just then the pigeon spread its colorful wings, practically showing off. Now Sasha was offended .

“Is that a challenge!?”

The pigeon nodded.

“Alright.” Sasha summoned her swords. “If you want a fight, that’s what you’ll get!”

Later

Sasha came back to the base looking defeated.

“What happened to you?” asked Anne.

Sasha looked down, refusing to meet Anne’s eyes. “Got my ass handed to me by a pigeon…”

Chapter Text

Anne had only been a Guardian for a few months but she was doing a really good job. There were no major incidents and she had a really good grasp on her powers. She had visited and observed many different types of worlds. Many of them were similar to Earth and Amphibia in terms of structure and civilization, but others were utterly alien in ways her once human mind couldn’t have comprehended.

However, even those made sense compared to the world Anne was currently observing. She saw something that she never in a million years expected to see.

“Yo, Anna. What’s up?”

Anna looked up from her phone to see the Planter twins approaching. They briefly paused and struck a pose before Molly shook a bucket off her foot.

Anna gave Twig a high five. “‘Sup, Twig and…”

“Molly.”

“Right. Hey, check this out guys.” Anna showed the twins her phone which played a video of a man flying off his skateboard and landing in a truck filled with raccoons which attack him.

Anne couldn’t believe it. Not only was this world identical to the one she described to the Plantars during the Blue Moon Shut-In, but everything was happening the same as in her story.

“How? This shouldn’t even be possible. That… that was just a story I made up.” Anne took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. “I need to talk to the old Guardian about this.”

“Once upon a time, in a mythical land called Vagabondia, lived a young boy named Skor. He used to live a life in peaceful seclusion, but that changed when his village Protaxia was attacked by raiders sent by the evil Selach. On that day, Skor vowed to never let what happened to Protaxia happen to anyone else’s home. Armed only with a rusty sword, he set off on his quest to defeat Selach.

And of course he isn’t alone! Skor met so many allies who joined him, for they too had been affected by Selach’s tyranny. There’s Astry the floral witch, whose coven was ravaged because Selach despises magic, the warrior Blunderpuss whose city had been attacked much like Protaxia, the tiny metal man Qix who escaped from the evil factories, and the team’s pet dragon Rypos, whose species had been subject to poaching.

And those are just the main allies! They all go on an extensive quest around the whole world. They liberate prisoners forced into slave labor who ultimately become a heroic military force. They defeat Selach’s military commanders. They meet the powerful witch Lunestra, who teaches Astry how to enhance the party’s weapons. Skor no longer has a rusty sword. Now he has a magical sword!

The rebel army storms Selach’s fortress, which serves as a distraction so Skor and his friends can sneak in unnoticed. They find the villain hiding in his lair like the coward he is, and then engage him in battle. It’s a long and hard fight, but eventually the heroes prevail. Skor, Astry, Blunderpuss, Qix, and Rypos are hailed as heroes, and peace is restored to Vagabondia.

And that is the story of the greatest video game ever created: Vagabondia Chronicles.”

Marcy looked at the assortment of amphibian youth who had gathered to hear her story. “So, what do you think?”

“That sounds fun!” said a toad girl.

“Can we play it?” asked a newt boy.

“You certainly can!” Marcy waved her hands and instantly every child sitting in front of her had a copy of Vagabondia Chronicles in their hands which would play on the video game systems Polly Plantar had invented. A thoughtful expression appeared on Marcy’s face. “Does this count as counterfeiting? Eh, Gomcom will never know.”

“You two are gonna have to explain this to me again,” said Sasha. “‘Cause it doesn’t make sense no matter how I try to wrap my head around it.”

“Okay,” began Anne, “so every Friday at 1:13 P.M. a baker's dozen of bagels will appear in the center of our base. Sometimes they’re all the same type, sometimes they’re all different, sometimes it’s a mix of the two, but it’s always thirteen and always at the same time each week. The last Guardian called it Bagel Fridays.”

“It’s not overly important,” added Marcy. “We don’t have to eat them. We can get rid of anything we don’t want here.” Marcy snapped her fingers and a decoration on one of the walls disappeared. A few seconds later she snapped them again and the decoration returned. “See? Just like that!”

“But why bagels?”

“Apparently the multiverse is shaped like a bagel,” said Anne.

Sasha’s mind might have completely shut down. She just stood there, practically catatonic.

“Sashy?” asked Marcy reluctantly.

“You’re joking?” asked Sasha, clearly hoping the answer was yes.

“I’m afraid not,” said Anne.

“This rift we're in right now is the empty hole in the center of the bagel multiverse,” said Marcy. 

Sasha sat down on the couch at the center of the base. “This is some—“

She was interrupted by a timer going off.

“1:13! You know what that means!” said Marcy.

“Please, no,” said Sasha, but her hopes were dashed when a plate of bagels spontaneously appeared in front of her. There were three plain bagels, one with sesame seeds, two with poppy seeds, one everything, two egg, three pumpernickel, and one with raisins. Sasha the everything bagel and slowly took a bite. Her eyes widened. “These are actually really tasty. I still don’t understand it, but I guess I can deal with Bagel Fridays.”

“Anne?

“Yes, Mar-Mar?”

“Are we capable of time travel?”

Anne and Marcy were lounging on the couch at the base while their duplicates were observing worlds from the central console.

“The big book says we are but I’ve never tried it,” said Anne. “We can’t change the past at all, so we can’t interfere with our lives and we can’t change the circumstances that led us there. So no stopping any of the bad stuff that happened in Amphibia.”

“Okay,” said Marcy. She had learned long ago that she couldn’t change what happened in the past. So learning that it’s literally impossible actually felt reassuring. “So if I understand the rules correctly, then we can go back in time and prank Sasha, as long as neither of us were actually present at the time.”

Anne pondered that for a moment and shrugged. “Guess so. What exactly did you have in mind?”

Marcy’s face suddenly flashed a mischievous grin. “Remember in college when Sashy insisted she was being haunted?

Anne’s grin soon matched Marcy’s. “I love the way you think.”

Sasha had begun semi-regularly meditating after returning from Amphibia. It was a good way to maintain a calm state of mind under pressure and to prevent potentially reverting to her old ways. And she continued this practice for the rest of her life and into her afterlife.

Right now she sat by herself on a serene beach overlooking a vast ocean. There was no civilization here, just Sasha, her thoughts, and peaceful crashing waves. 

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been here. It could’ve been anywhere from thirty minutes to thirty hours, but it didn’t matter. When she was alone with her thoughts, time became irrelevant.

Nothing can interrupt this peace…

An enormous shark, perhaps weighing a thousand tons, jumped out of the water and closed in toward the beach, toward Sasha. She barely even reacted to the beast. Without opening her eyes, Sasha lifted a hand, freezing the shark in place, and then pushed outward. The enormous fish was sent backward the way it came, almost as if Sasha had reversed some footage. She’d make that shark go forward again when it was time for her to leave, but for now it won’t be bothering her. 

Once again it was just Sasha, her thoughts, and the ocean.

So peaceful.

It’s only natural that when you’ve got cool and fascinating powers, you find fun things to do with them. Anne didn’t get that luxury during her first foray with powers, considering using them literally killed her, but now that potential death isn’t an issue she’s free to experiment and play around however she wishes.

Duplication was probably the power Anne and her wives used the most, and not always for Guardian duties. One thing Anne started doing after becoming a Guardian was playing tennis against herself. Sometimes she’d up the ante and play a four-Anne doubles match, but today it was just one Anne against one Anne.

And while Anne could easily use her powers even further to never miss and make the game last forever, she didn’t cheat like that. These were fair games. Well, as fair as you could be when all players are one person.

“Alright, that’s Left Anne- one game, Right Anne- two,” said Marcy. She and Sasha sat by the side of the court and kept score.

“I’m not sure why you think this is the ultimate challenge,” said Sasha. “I swordfought myself and that’s got to be more challenging than this.”

“I’ll have you know I’m perfectly capable of swordfighting myself and I’ll do that as soon as this match is over,” said Right Anne. “I’ll make you eat those words.”

“We’ll see, Boonchuy,” said Sasha with a smug grin. “We’ll see.”

Marcy patrolled through Arborea, a world mostly covered in forests. They reminded her of the redwood forests back home, but prettier, with purple bark and periwinkle leaves. It wasn’t her first time here, but this particular patrol went a bit different than usual.

There was a man laying on the ground passed out. He wore a giant coat and had an even larger backpack on his back.

“Poor guy must have fainted from dehydration.”

Normally she wouldn’t interfere with the inhabitants of the worlds she patrolled, but this man clearly needed help. She flew down to him and then conjured a tall glass of water which she enchanted to refill itself. She carefully opened the man’s mouth and poured some water in.

After a few seconds, the man’s eyes opened, making eye contact with Marcy. He thought he was looking into the eyes of an angel, which admittedly isn’t far from the truth.

“Greetings, weary traveler,” said Marcy. She handed the glass to the man. “You got dehydrated and passed out. This never-ending glass of water should alleviate your condition.” 

The man accepted the glass and took several long sips from it. He set it down when he was done. “Thank you. I was on my way to Oak Outpost carrying everything I own. Guess it was too much.” Once again he looked into Marcy’s eyes. “I must say you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Marcy blushed in embarrassment and moved back a bit. “Oh… I’m flattered, but I’m taken.”

The man’s hopes visibly deflated.

“In fact, I’m so taken that I don’t quite know what my wives would do to you if they found out you tried to romance me.”

The man paled. “Uh…”

“You know what, why don’t I just teleport you to where you need to go and erase your memory of ever meeting me. That sounds good.”

Marcy snapped her fingers and instantly the man was at Oak Outpost. She let him keep the glass, though. It should be a pleasant surprise.

“Stay away from me, you adorable beast!”

“I need you to explain this right now,” said Anne, pointing down at Anna’s world. “I just told a story with stand-ins for me and some Wartwood frogs. How could they be real?”

“Ah yes,” said the former Guardian, yet again sporting a familiar feline image. “This particular dimension is very odd but explainable. That being said, I doubt you’ll even believe me if I tell you.”

“Please tell me anyway,” said Anne.

“Have you ever heard the theory that dreams are just glimpses into alternate universes?” asked “Domino”.

“I saw a movie where that was mentioned.” Anne’s eyes widened. “Wait! Are you saying that’s actually true!?”

The former Guardian shook its head. “It’s not, but I thought that would be a good introduction to the truth. From your perspective, you were merely telling a story. However, thanks to the multiverse’s infinite possibilities, what you described is actually real, on a distant world far from Earth and Amphibia.”

Anne crossed her arms. “Alright, fine. I guess with infinite possibilities the idea of that world existing makes sense. What I don’t understand is how the exact scenario I described was happening. Right down to the words.”

The old Guardian shrugged. “I honestly don’t quite know. That’s just the way it is.”

Anne huffed in annulment. “Well that sounds like something that was arbitrarily decided for the sake of comedy and storytelling.”

Anne and “Domino” stared at the house’s fourth wall.

Chapter Text

“Can you help me with my school project, Anne?” asked young Tulip Plantar. “I’m doing a research project on the time of the Calamity War and you can give me some firsthand info the history books don’t have.”

“Isn’t that cheating?” asked Anne.

Tulip shrugged. “Probably, but you’ll help me right?” She put on an impressive display of ‘puppy eyes’.

Anne tried to resist, but as usual Tulip’s adorableness prevailed. “Okay, I’ll help you. I don’t know how you can still do that— you’re the same age I was when I was first here.”

“What can I say? I’ve got charm.” Tulip pulled out an electronic note-taking device. “Alright, what’s something that happened while you were here that you never told anyone else, or at least not anyone who's alive here today?”

Anne thought for a minute. “Well, I don’t think I’ve mentioned the time I killed a group of cannibal frogs.”

Tulip froze. That was absolutely not what she was expecting. “What…?”

“Yeah, there were these horned frogs who owned this inn and they’d eat the people who stayed there,” said Anne, oblivious to how disturbed Tulip was. “They almost got me and your great-grandpa and Polly and Hop Pop but we escaped. I spilled a bunch of vinegar and baking soda and that created a big explosion!” Anne waited for Tulip to write everything down. “So was that good?”

Tulip blinked. “Uh… that was definitely not what I expected, but no one else will mention it in their papers… so thank you.”

Sasha walked back to her dorm room with groceries in hand. Her roommate Becky wouldn’t be back until the end of the day, and Sasha would enjoy her free time.

“Alright, just gotta put this stuff away, then it’s six hours of Becky-free study time.” Sasha set the bags down on a table and took the soap and toilet paper out so she could put them in the bathroom.

Once she was out of the room, Anne and Marcy invisibly got to work. They traveled back in time 75 years to this moment. They were about to spend the next two weeks making Sasha think she’s being haunted by ghosts and they would love every minute of it.

“We’re gonna start small,” said Anne, “and then we’ll work our way up to pandemonium.”

“Ooh, this is gonna be so much fun!” said Marcy.

They quickly unpacked Sasha’s groceries and left them on the table. Needless to say, the blonde was very confused when she went back to the main room.

“What the…? Becky? Are you here?” There was no response. “This is weird.”

Anne and Marcy continued messing with Sasha over the next fourteen days, while also making sure Becky never saw any of their “ghostly” pranks. Sometimes it was simple like changing the TV channel or flickering the lights on and off, and other times the “hauntings” were much more complex, like temporarily inverting all the colors on Sasha’s outfits. Throughout the whole process, Sasha never truly got scared, but she sure got paranoid. Way too paranoid, in Becky’s opinion.

“Ugh!!!” said Sasha as she dealt with the latest “haunting”. Anne and Marcy watched her text their past selves.

Sashy: THE GHOSTS ARE HERE AGAIN

Anna Banana: Pics or it didn’t happen

Sashy: They’re invisible I can’t take a picture of them

Marmar: Therefore it didn’t happen 

Sashy: 😠

Anna Banana: 😁

Marmar: 😆

Anne and Marcy silently snickered.

Marcy floated through the cosmos billions of miles away from Earth. It’s fun to sometimes get away from all the stress of being a Guardian and just wander through space. On this particular trip, she noticed something very interesting: an old 1970s-era probe. 

Marcy gasped. “I’ve found Voyager 2 ! Or is this Voyager 1 ?” She shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Either way, this is so cool! A probe so far from its home planet but it’s still chugging along.”

Part of her really wanted to snatch the golden record and view the messages on it, but she declined. Instead, she decided to create a message of her own for the few NASA scientists still checking data from probes sent close to two centuries ago. She briefly lit up some stars which would spell letters when fully arranged. When she was done, she briefly reactivated the probe’s camera which hadn’t been turned on in over 100 years and snapped a picture of her message.

“HELLO NASA SCIENTISTS! MARCY WUZ HERE!”

Marcy chuckled before quickly reverting everything back to the way it was before. “Old, but gold.”

“I’ve read sources that differ on how exactly the music box operated,” said Tulip. “Could you shed some light on the truth?”

“That is an excellent question,” said Sasha. “And the answer is no, I can’t because that thing never worked consistently.”

“Interesting.” This was not what she thought Sasha would say, but it’s still good information for Tulip’s report.

“So the first time was when Anne and Marcy and I were in a playground on Earth,” said Sasha. “All Anne did was open it and we all got zapped to random locations. And the random part makes sense, but not why we were all sent separately, or why we got powers when using the box any other time didn’t do that.”

“Gotcha,” said Tulip as she took notes.

“And then later at the castle in Newtopia I got real mad that Anne got real mad at me, and I opened the box so I could send her away but literally nothing happened. Anne suggested that the old Guardian stopped it from working there, but I doubt it. They were pretty hands-off. Anyway, later every time someone used it they would touch the gems in a certain way and suddenly there was an instant perfect portal. So basically I’m a little salty that I never figured out how to use it even once.” Sasha sighed. “Sorry you had to listen to that tangent. You should ask Marcy for info about the box.”

“It’s okay,” said Tulip with a smile. “You were helpful!”

“In one corner, standing at 5 feet 9 inches, we have the savior of worlds, the Guardian of the Multiverse, the frog lady: AAAAAAAANNE BOOOOOONCHUY!!!! ”

Marcy loved getting hammy with introductions whenever she got the chance.

“And in the other corner, we have… exactly the same!!!!”

Two Annes, two swords, one mind. Who will win? According to Sasha, it’ll be neither of them, but she would try anyway.

“You ready to eat your words, Waybright?” asked Anne.

“Not even a little,” replied Sasha. “When this is over, you’re gonna admit swordfighting yourself is harder than it is with tennis.”

The Guardians had gone from a tennis court to a boxing arena. They could’ve really swordfought anywhere, but chose a boxing ring so Marcy could do her “in one corner” introduction. 

“I’m ready to start,” said Anne. “Just waiting for you, Mar-Mar.”

“Got it,” said Marcy. “3, 2, 1, go!”

As soon as Marcy said go, Left Anne ran forward and swung toward her opponent, which Right Anne easily parried. Right Anne moved oh from that parry with a swing of her own which Left Anne.  It went on like that for several minutes. Each Anne managed to get a couple of small hits on, but for the most part it was a blocking game. Eventually Anne decided it was time for a break.

“Well, what do you think?” asked Sasha with a smug grin.

Anne sighed and dissipated the duplicate. “I begrudgingly admit that swordfighting myself isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Are you happy?”

“Kind of.” Sasha’s smug grin was replaced with an embarrassed frown. “I begrudgingly admit that you were a lot better on your first attempt then I was on mine… so I guess we’re even.”

“Alright,” said Anne. “Sparring with you is way more fun anyway.”

“Definitely.”

After spending twelve years on the reservation list, the Guardians are finally eating at Dsana’s Luncheonarium, the most prestigious restaurant in the multiverse. What made it so special is that Dsana and their assistant chefs knew how to cook everything, even things they’ve never encountered before. Why? It’s because the restaurant is on a world called Culinaria, where recipes from all over the multiverse filter into eventually.

“Do you really think this place is worth the hype?” asked Marcy.

“It better be,” said Anne. “I didn’t wait twelve years just to have meh food.”

“It is indeed worth the hype,” said a robotic waiter, startling the trio.

“When did you get here!?” demanded Sasha.

“I’ve always been here.” The waiter smiled eerily. “As per your order requests when you checked in, here are Chef Dsana’s preparations of your favorite foods.” It snapped its fingers and a cart with three plates rolled toward the table. “For Anne, khao niew bing the way your mother made it. For Sasha, orange chicken with fried rice. For Marcy, red velvet cupcakes with ube icing.” The waiter uncovered the plates and placed them in front of their recipients as he spoke. “Enjoy.”

And with that, the waiter vanished just as quickly as he appeared.

“Everything looks good,” said Anne.

Marcy took a bite of a cupcake and her eyes widened. “This truly is food worthy of the gods.”

Anne and Sasha gave Marcy an odd look before they began eating.

“I think you might be exaggerating—oh my frog this is the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“…and it was most likely luck that I managed to work it correctly,” said Marcy. “It’s not Sasha’s fault she didn’t get it right.” 

“That makes sense,” said Tulip.

“So, do you have any more questions?” asked Marcy happily. 

“Well, those were all the questions for the project,” said Tulip. “But there’s something important I want your opinion on.”

“Oooh…” Marcy was intrigued.

“So there’s this joke going around, we’ll maybe it’s more like one of those ‘memes’ you mentioned, that Andrias didn’t introduce the caste system because his frog and toad friends betrayed him. He did it because they were his girlfriend and boyfriend and the system was his way of dealing with a bad breakup. What do you think?”

“Oh.” That was just about the last thing Marcy expected to be asked today. But at the same time, she couldn’t deny that it was a good question. Based on her history with Andrias in life and when she encountered him, Leif, and Barrel in the afterlife, she knew they were closer than typical friends. And while they never said they were romantically involved, it certainly seemed like they were.

Did King Andrias invent amphibian prejudice because his girlfriend dumped him? 

“Yes,” said Marcy, “I completely agree.”

The Calamity Trio threw a party to celebrate their latest civilization-saving adventure. They guided the heroes of the noisnemiD drawkcaB defeat the evil forces who plotted to make everything up to the forces of nature move forward. It was one of the most confusing experiences of their lives, but also one of the most fun.

“Damn, that was awesome!” said Anne. “It was almost as fun as the time we went back in time and pranked Sasha!

“Wha…?” Sasha’s wives hadn’t heard her.

“Yeah, she totally thought we were ghosts,” said Marcy.

Anne chuckled. “My favorite part was when we made one sock go missing and she went crazy trying to find it.”

Neither Anne nor Marcy noticed Sasha’s rage begin to boil, getting ready to erupt in a way it hadn’t in over 100 years.

“Oh man, remember when she—“

“THAT WAS YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?”

Chapter Text

An Excerpt from Marcy’s Guardian Journal:

One of the most surprising things I learned after becoming a Guardian is that there are multiple versions of each dimension. Of course, I already knew about the many worlds theory but I didn’t anticipate just how different some of these parallel worlds could be. Apparently ours is one of the odder ones as most of the time we don’t become Guardians. And the few other incarnations of us that did are so far removed from our universe that were likely to never encounter each other.

Anyway, here’s some of the alternate universes my wives and I have visited:

• Ones where our personalities have swapped around, where I’m manipulative and Anne’s the really nerdy one and Sasha’s the heart of the team.
• Ones where we ended up in different places in Amphibia. Sometimes it’s just two of us switched, like one universe where Sasha ended up in Wartwood and Anne with the toads, but other times it’s all three of us such as me in Wartwood, Anne with the toads, and Sasha in Newtopia.
• The obligatory “bad future” universes where the Core succeeded. We didn’t dive too deep into those.
• One universe where the three of us got sent to Amphibia seven years too early.
• One universe where the three of us got sent to Amphibia as babies but we were given potions to turn us into amphibians.
• One universe where we were always amphibians— in fact, all the humans are now amphibians and all the amphibians are now humans. (WHOA!)
• One universe where I became evil, corrupted by the Core before we charged the music box, and apparently my ancestors secretly pulled strings throughout history. (Can confirm that’s not true for me— I come from a long line of randos.)
• One universe where Anne became evil, slaughtering thousands of amphibians and humans alike.
• Some universes where we never went to Amphibia to begin with— one that sticks out to me is one where I started dating Anne but in this particular universe my parents were seriously homophobic and tried to murder me. (This one hurts to think about too.)
• One universe where the old Guardian made a mistake when resurrecting Anne and sent her five years into the future.

And those are just the tip of the iceberg! Who knows which exciting and/or dark universes we’ll find next!

“I didn’t even realize how long it’s been since we had a real date night,” said Anne. “I mean, it makes sense with all the Guardian stuff, but still.”

“Yeah, it’s good to be back at Janson’s,” said Sasha. “Here’s where it all started.”

The three Guardians smiled thinking of that night. “I had been planning my proposal for years,” said Marcy. “And right as soon as I pull out the ring box— BOOM! You two had ring boxes too.” She chuckled. “Great minds think alike.”

“I think there’s a picture of us on the wall of fame.” Sasha pointed to a collection of pictures on the east side of the restaurant, displaying memorable moments over the years. “We should’ve come here more often. We definitely could’ve gotten more pics up there.”

“You know I loved looking for the twins,” said Anne. “If that means we didn’t go out to eat that often, then that’s a price I’m glad I paid.”

“Yet Anne also has a reputation for improving the restaurants she goes to,” said Marcy. “Apparently Stumpy’s was a huge dump before Anne got there.”

“It got that pretentious asshole Duckweed to stop complaining,” said Anne. “That’s what’s important.”

“Sticking it to the rich is always important,” said Sasha. 

“Compared to the scholars in Newtopia, a food critic probably wasn’t too bad,” said Marcy. “I went to plenty of parties and pretended to pay attention to what people were saying. All I wanted was the snacks.”

Sasha smiled. “Good to know your priorities have always been in place.”

All three women chuckled.

A waiter approached the table. “Are you ready to order?”

“Order?” said Marcy. “Oh yeah, we were supposed to be looking at the menu!”

It seemed the three Guardians had spent the whole time reminiscing without even thinking about the fact that they needed to decide on a meal.

“We’re gonna need a few more minutes…” said Anne.

“Ooh! I know!” Marcy snapped her fingers and the entire multiverse froze apart from her and her wives. “Now we have all the time we need to decide what we want.”

“I guess that’ll work,” said Sasha with a shrug.

“What do you think we’d look like as guys?” asked Sasha one day while she and her fellow Guardians were relaxing at their base.

“What brought this up?” asked Anne, amused.

Sasha shrugged. “Curiosity, I guess.”

“Didn’t we already find that out like 150 years ago using one of those face morph apps?” asked Marcy. “The tech was pretty good.”

“Yeah but it was fake,” Sasha pointed out. “Now that we can shapeshift we can try it out for real.”

“I guess it would be worth a try,” said Marcy. 

“Yeah, why not.” Anne summoned a wide full length mirror.

The three Guardians stood in front of the mirror, closed their eyes, and concentrated. Shapeshifting was a lot like changing the settings on a virtual avatar. You sort of visualize all the settings that make up yourself and alter the specific ones, in this case the gender setting. They grew a little taller, their facial features became broader with chiseled square jawlines and thicker eyebrows. Anne and Marcy’s hair got shorter while Sasha’s stayed roughly the same length and formed into a ponytail. Sasha also had some stubble while Anne and Marcy were clean-shaven. They might’ve changed their outfits if they were wearing different clothes, but at the moment their outfits were pretty casual and ungendered so it was a moot point. (That wasn’t counting underwear, of course. That changed along with their bodies.)

Pretty soon it was done. They were men.

They opened their eyes. For several minutes they just stood there staring at the mirror, taking in the sight of their male appearances.  

Anne was the first to speak. “This is freaky.” His eyes widened upon hearing his voice. “Oh frog, I sound even freakier.”

“It’s freaky, but not bad,” said Marcy. “I think we’re actually pretty handsome, if anything. Especially you, Sash. You’re practically a surfer hunk.”

“Fuck, I’m hot,” was Sasha’s only response. Was that a narcissistic thought? He’d have to compartmentalize that for later. He awkwardly coughed before speaking again. “Anyway, we may look gorgeous but there’s one test of ultimate manliness.” He put his hand on his crotch and squeezed. “Not bad.”

Anne and Marcy blushed in understanding.

“Hey!” protested Marcy. “That’s… that’s……… no, that’s fair.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll undress, get aroused, and uh… compare packages,” said Anne.

This was certainly shaping up to be a unique afternoon.

“This is the Demon Realm, which seems to be a unique dimension that’s closely tied to Earth in a way that no other world is,” said Marcy. She held up a vial of a shiny blue substance. “This ‘Titan’s Blood’ can create portals exclusively between here and Earth. The old Guardian’s research indicates that objects, creatures, and information have been transferred between the worlds for centuries, and because of that both worlds seem to have been subtly influencing each other.”

“Interesting,” said Anne. “I’m pretty sure Terri took a picture of this place with the first version of their portal. The purple sky looks familiar.”

“I wonder what’ll happen if we mix our powers with this fancy blood,” said Sasha.

“Don’t do that!” shouted a deep booming voice.

The Guardians fearfully turned around and saw a massive creature they somehow missed before: a tall beast with dark gray fur and a skull-like head. His purple and yellow eyes bore into them.

“I’m sorry!” exclaimed Marcy. “I mean you no harm! I promise!”

“You have no idea what you’re dealing with!” said the Titan.

“Hold on, Grunkle King!” A woman flying on a magic staff approached and landed in front of the Guardians. She looked to be in her forties and had brown hair, a tannish skin tone, orange eyes, and pointed ears with a very slight curve to them. “Sorry about that, but he’s right,” she said. “Titan’s Blood can be dangerous when messed with. King here and my grandmothers fought in a war thanks to that stuff.” She paused for a second before offering a handshake. “Sorry, I should introduce myself. Edalyn Noceda, at your service. And that’s King Clawthorne back there.”

“Well hi! I’m Marcy Wu.”

“Anne Boonchuy.”

“Sasha Waybright.”

Each Guardian shook Edalyn’s hand as they introduced themselves.“Those names sound vaguely familiar,” said Edalyn. “Were you a famous missing persons case a long time ago?”

“Eh, something like that,” said Anne. “Now we’re multiversal cosmic Guardians and we’re interested in studying your world.”

“Cosmic, huh?” said King. “You wouldn’t happen to be connected to the Collector, would you?”

“We’ve been doing this for less than a decade,” Sasha admitted. “Maybe the old Guardian knew this ‘Collector’, but we don’t.”

“That’s good. Now, if you want to know more about the Demon Realm, then I should tell you the story of my big sister…”

“I want to touch a black hole.”

It wasn’t the first time Marcy started a conversation with something random, but even by her standards this was odd.

“Is that even possible?” asked Anne. “I’m no scientist but I don’t think black holes can be touched like normal objects.”

“You probably shouldn’t do unsafe things just for the sake of doing them,” said Sasha.

“But can’t we survive anything?” said Marcy. “That should include spaghettification. Besides, I’ll just send a duplicate.”

Anne and Sasha looked at each other and shrugged. “Yeah, why not?”    “I guess that’s okay.”

Marcy nodded. “Alright, here I go.”

Just then, a duplicate of Marcy appeared nearby Sagittarius A*, the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way. She flew toward it with her right arm outstretched, and her senses went crazy as she did. She could see herself being stretched and distorted beyond her wildest imagination. Every atom of her being was in more than one place— at least five places at once if she were to be perfectly honest. The only time she ever felt anything remotely similar to this was the rush of power she got when she first became a Guardian, but this made that look tame by comparison. She felt herself being transported beyond the event horizon, throughout all time and space. After what felt like millennia (but was probably nanoseconds), she started falling to Earth very fast. Too fast! Ludicrous speed! Is that a T-Rex!?!?!?

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was too much for Marcy, who made her duplicate body disappear. She opened her eyes at the base— her main body apparently lost consciousness— and saw her wives looking at her concerned.

“You okay, Mar-Mar?” asked Anne.

“I think so,” said Marcy. “I did it though. I touched a black hole.”

“How’d it feel?” asked Sasha.

Marcy thought for a moment before responding. Anne and Sasha didn't need to know she was seemingly responsible for wiping out the dinosaurs. “It tingled a bit.”

The world Graystone is home to the tallest mountain in the multiverse: Mount Krolenn. Its massive height reaches roughly 8000 miles, which, as Marcy pointed out, was taller than the Earth’s diameter. Trying to climb to the top would obviously be a bug endeavor, but Sasha was up to the task. She didn’t know how long it would take her, but she was gonna do it.

Sure, she was an all-powerful Guardian but this wasn’t any different than a regular person climbing a mountain. Sure, she wouldn’t be losing any stamina… and doesn’t have to conserve water or food or oxygen… and she doesn’t have to sleep… but otherwise she wasn’t cheating.

Right…?

“Okay, fine. I’m cheating.” Sasha finally admitted to herself. “But it’s not like I’m trying to be the first person to climb to the top or anything. Apparently that was done eons ago. The whole place is uninhabited now. It’s just me and a tall-ass mountain.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

Video Begins

“Good morning, everyone! It’s time for a new edition of Vlogs from the Bog.” Anne waved toward her special phone which floated in the air. She was sitting on a bench near the Wartwood statue in her likeness. “I obviously haven’t done one of these in a long time but now that I’m back in Amphibia I figured I’d document some of the changes that have happened since the Calamity War.” She thought for a moment. “You know, I’m not actually sure who’d even watch this. My old vlogs were for people on Earth to see but no one there knows about the Guardian stuff yet.”

“Everyone here loves you, Anne. We’ll watch your videos!” called out a frog from offscreen.

“Aww, thanks.” Anne smiled. “Anyway, today I’m gonna show you the Plantar farm!”

She instantly teleported to her former home. It was kind of like cutting to a new location without having to edit the recording. “Here’s the farm and it’s thriving like never before! Look at all those avocados!” There was a sudden close-up on one of the avocado trees before coming back to Anne. “I remember when Hop Pop said he was gonna start an ‘avocado dynasty’.” She chuckled. “I never should’ve doubted him.”

The video now showed Frobo and some other robots planting avocado pits and watering them. Frobo gave a quick smile to the camera. “Polly modernized everything here. And it’s not just the robots— there’s plenty of hidden systems underneath the dirt. I don’t fully understand how they work, but Polly does and that’s what’s important.” The shot went back to Anne again. “Why don’t we see what Polly is doing now? I think she’s hanging with Sprig.”

The video cut to show two elderly frogs asleep on a couch. Sprig was silent while Polly was snoring a bit and mumbling incoherently. “They’re napping because they’re old…” whispered Anne. “Let’s go to Tulip’s room…”

Anne teleported to a room that was added to the house after her stay in Amphibia. Tulip was playing with some toys and hadn’t noticed Anne yet.

“Smile, Tulip! You’re on camera!”

Tulip gasped. “Anne!” She ran toward Anne and grabbed her hand. “You have to play with me!”

“Alright, kiddo.” Anne smiled and the camera followed her as she and Tulip sat down. She looked at the phone one last time. “That’s it for today’s vlog. See you all next time!”

Video Ends