Archive of Our Own

Buck hadn’t been at the call where what seemed like half the nursing home had STD’s, but he’d heard about it later. It was a popular story for the 118 to tell at badge and ladder bars, having all the elements of shock (randy old people getting it on with multiple partners? Hell yeah); humour and nasty medical issues to gross their listeners out with.

He was at the call where an elderly couple had a meth lab in a retirement community. That had been another shock, though at the time the fire they’d caused was the more pressing matter. Elderly drug barons, who’d have thought it.

Now, as the 118 were on their way to yet another nursing home, Buck wondered what new surprise the people living there might have for them that day. He hoped it would be something for more funny stories, not anything horrible.

“Are we taking bets on what it’s going to be this time?” Chim’s voice came over the radio. “I missed the last one, and Buck missed the first, third time’s the charm, right?”

“Bets are just asking for trouble, Chimney, and we don’t need any more of that thank you.” Bobby’s stern voice replies. “Besides, dispatch said it’s just a faulty fire alarm system that keeps going off. We just need to check all the panels and detectors, that’s all. It’ll be a nice easy job for once.”

Multiple groans sounded at once.

“Cap! Why did you say that?”

“Good one Cap, now you’ve jinxed us!”

“I thought you don’t believe in jinx’s Eddie?” Buck teased the man sitting next to him with a grin.

“I don’t!” Eddie replied, then spread his hands, “But I’ve only been back a few weeks. At this point, I’ll believe in anything if it means we avoid the crazy shit that usually happens.”

“You kiss your mother with that mouth Diaz?” Hen asked over the radio from the ambulance behind them that she and Chim were in.

“My mother can curse in three languages Wilson, you bet your ass I kiss her with this mouth!” Eddie shot back, and they all laughed.

Buck laughed along with them, his heart light and full of joy. This was how it was supposed to be. This was what he loved the most. Laughing with the family he chose as they all worked together serving the city they lived in.

Mrs Abernathy, the Director of Greenslopes Nursing Home, met them in the foyer.

“Thank you for coming. Our alarms have been going off at all sorts of hours, it’s been very disruptive for our residents. The main panel is just through here, but each floor on each wing has its own panel as well.”

“How many panels are there?” Bobby asked as they followed her around the corner.

“We have two wings that are three floors each. So six in the wings, plus this one,” she told them, pointing to the large alarm panel on the wall of what appeared to be a utility room.

“Records indicate that the Fire Protection Group performed their annual Reg four testing only two months ago. All sprinkler systems, fire life safety systems, emergency generators, standpipes, as well as the alarm system were compliant and fully functioning,” Bobby turned to say, and the Director nodded as he continued speaking.

“Alright 118, I’ll check this panel and the next closest. The rest of you, split up and take a panel each. Report back on your radios, this shouldn’t take very long at all,” Bobby instructed, and the rest of the team left the room, following the Director’s instructions to find their assigned panel.

Buck and Eddie bumped wrists before they went in opposite directions. Before Eddie had left the 118, they would only do that before calls involving fire, but since he’d been back, they’d been doing it on every call. The simple move reassured Buck that Eddie was there, he was back, even if they weren’t working side by side at a scene. How it’s supposed to be, he thought again.

Checking fire alarm systems was a common place occurrence for the LAFD, and a simple one. Buck legged it down the hall way he’d been assigned, thinking more about what they might be having for lunch once they were done there than the task at hand. It was a large nursing home, one of the larger ones he’d been to, with multiple smaller hallways opening off the main one.

“Excuse me? Young man?” a wavering voice called out as he neared the far end, and he stopped, looking around to see a tiny, white haired lady part way down one of the side halls.

“Would you help me for a moment please, dear?” she asked, turning and moving further down the hallway before Buck could even answer. For an elderly person who was using a cane, she moved surprisingly fast. Buck looked back down the hall he’d come then back at the women and shrugged, deciding whatever she wanted probably wouldn’t take long. He could spare the time to help her. He jogged after her and caught up easily.

“Oh thank you dearie. My, you are a big one, aren’t you?” she said as Buck followed beside and a little behind her, letting her lead him. “Your granny must be proud of you.”

“I uh, I don’t have a granny,” Buck said, a little embarrassed. He’d never met any of his grandparents, as far as he could remember.

“Oh you poor dear. Perhaps I should adopt you?” she said, looking at him with a twinkle in her eye. “Ah, here we are.”

I wouldn’t mind being adopted by such a sweet old lady, Buck thought. He looked away from where he’d been watching her carefully in case she fell, and saw that she’d led him into a small chapel. She halted while he moved further in, noting a few other elderly people sitting in the chairs lined up in rows in front of the altar.

“What would you like help with, ma’am?” he asked, turning back to the lady behind him.

“Oh, it’s in here somewhere, gosh dang it, where is it now,” she was muttering, digging around in the large hand bag she was carrying. “Oh, here it is!” she announced triumphantly, and Buck moved closer, bending down to see what she needed.

Pulling her hand out of the bag, the little old lady held something up towards Buck – and a stream of orange liquid shot out of it, hitting his open eyes and mouth. Buck gasped in shock, accidentally inhaling the liquid as he slammed his eyes shut. It was too late.

Searing pain flared in his eyes, his nose, his mouth and throat. It felt like thousands of pieces of glass had been shot into his eyes, like they were on fire. He couldn’t see, and stepped back blindly, wanting to get away from the crazy lady in front of him. There was something behind his ankles, tripping him, and suddenly he was falling backwards.

Completely disorientated, Buck landed on his back with a hard thump and something smacked into the side of his head, a bright flare of fresh agony bursting out. He gasped again, flailing in panic. What the fuck was going on? Was she insane, that nice little old lady?

Lying on the floor, Buck rubbed his eyes, but that only made the pain worse. His throat burned, and he coughed and gasped and spluttered. Snot was erupting from his nose in streams, running down across his mouth and even into it, and he spat, trying to get it and the horrid burning stuff out. His could feel that his face was drenched with tears but his eyes wouldn’t open, he couldn’t bear to open them and risk getting more of the dreadful fluid in them.

“What did you do? ” he managed to gasp around coughs that were raspy and full of phlegm.

“Quick Mervyn, Otto, get his feet, we’ll get his arms,” the lady’s voice sounded from nearby as she ignored his cry. Two hands grabbed each of Buck’s wrists and pulled them down from his face and for a moment he thought they were helping him. But then something was wrapped around his wrists and down his forearms too, binding them together. His legs were pulled together and something else wrapped around them too, uncomfortably tight.

With a mighty effort, Buck forced his eyes open and saw two elderly ladies, one of each side of him where he was lying on the floor. Two men, equally as old, were near his feet.

Something long and white had been wrapped around his arms, restraining them. He couldn’t move his legs apart either, and a cold torrent of fear suddenly drenched him, at odds with the burning of his eyes and face.

“Right, everyone grab him, we need to get him to the pentagram,” the first lady ordered, and hands grabbed him. More than he’d expected, and Buck realised there were people he hadn’t seen around him as well. His skin crawled, and he thrashed, trying to get their hands off him while also trying not to knock them over. He didn’t want to break anyone’s hips, these were old people!

“None of that my boy, or I’ll have to pepper spray you again, you hear me?” the leader ordered and Buck stilled at once. She’d pepper sprayed me? That was what the horrible burning stuff was? It was still burning, and the skin on his face felt like he’d run through a fire without his gear, joining the rest of the agony he was feeling.

Hands grabbed him all over again, and Buck felt as weak as a kitten as he was lifted just a little, dragged and dropped again. Panting breath came from all around him, joining his own, and Buck forced his eyes open again to see a bunch of elderly people, most supporting themselves with canes, reaching down to drag him a little further along the floor.

It was ridiculous. Buck was younger, stronger, fitter than any of these crazy people. They shouldn’t be able to do this to him. He’d given up trying to figure out what they were doing or why. It was just too much. Between the pepper spray and his restrained arms and legs, Buck felt completely helpless.

At the mercy of crazy old people. Which tracked, really, with his record for stupid things happening to him. And he’d made the mistake of hoping for a funny story to tell from this call. Be careful what you wish for, the old saying rose in his mind with gleeful spite.

Finally the dragging and dropping ceased and he was left to lie on the floor. Buck heard shuffling and glimpsed people standing all around him in a circle.

“Buck, report,” Bobby’s voice crackled loudly over the radio, and at once Buck moved, reaching up with his bound hands to grab his handset.

CRACK

More pain flared as something hit him across his forehead, and a rough burst of air escaped Buck’s mouth, followed by a groan. Someone had hit him with a walking stick. How were old people hurting him like this? Seriously, what the fuck? Buck’s thoughts were getting harder and harder to process and he realised he probably had one, or even two head injuries.

“Quick, get something in his mouth, I don’t want him calling out,” the first lady’s voice ordered, and she was not nice like he’d thought, not nice at all.

“What about the radio, Betty?” someone asked, and okay, her name was Betty. She was nothing like Betty White though, not at all the adorable yet sassy person Buck had been associating her with. She looked like Betty White, now that he thought about it, but she was nothing at all like that beautiful lady. Maddie and he had loved watching reruns of the Golden Girls together when they were kids, it was one of the fondest memories Buck had.

“Flick that switch there, that should turn it off,” Betty ordered, and Buck felt hands on his shoulder where his radio was. Bobby’s voice didn’t come through it again, and more fear trickled down his spine, all the hairs on his arms rising up as it did. He was alone, and he was in trouble. At the mercy of old people. Crazy fucking old people.

Something was pressed against his lips and Buck clenched his mouth shut at once, turning his head aside. But fingers pinched his nose closed mercilessly and then he had to open his mouth to breathe. As soon as he did, cloth was shoved inside, fingers pushing it deep. Whatever it was, the cloth was strongly perfumed and he sneezed, making his nose clog even more with mucus.

“Mmmph!” Buck protested, writhing, and trying to spit the cloth out of his mouth. It was hard to breathe through his clogged nose, and he suddenly realised that suffocation was a real risk to him. “Mmmet me mro!!”

No one answered him. The hands touching him went away and Buck tried to relax, tried to slow his frantic panting so he could breathe better. He snorted and sniffled through the gunk still flowing out of his nose and blinked away the tears still dripping from his burning eyes.

“Bless us, Dark Lord, for these thy gifts which we are about to receive,” Betty’s voice came from behind his head and Buck froze in astonishment.

Dark lord? Dark lord? What the FUCK?

Buck thrashed wildly, rolling from side to side and then he was being hit all over, being struck again and again by – canes, they’re beating me with their fucking walking sticks! He realised, laughter bubbling out of him at the insanity of his predicament. There wasn’t a lot of strength to the blows, finally something about the age of his assailants working in Buck’s favour, but there were a lot of people hitting him and they weren’t stopping.

“Dark Lord accept our sacrifice, for the praise and glory of Your Name, and grant us this young man’s vitality and youth as his blood blesses your holy symbol!” Betty’s voice rose above the panting of the people beating him.

“Prepare the holy blade!” she ordered and that was it, Buck was out of here. He rolled, still mostly blinded but he remembered which way the door was.

“Stop him!” several voices cried and hands grabbed him and people were sitting on him, people were kneeling on him and fuck they had bony knees that were digging into him, it fucking hurt and he could barely move. Liquid sprayed into his face again and even though this time he had his eyes closed it burned all over again and fuck Buck just wanted this nightmare to be over.

Despite the fresh burning, the watering eyes and dripping nose, Buck didn’t stop trying to move until he felt a cold line press across his throat. At the touch of it he instinctively froze, not wanting to press against it and cut himself. He knew what a knife felt like.

“Good boy,” Betty murmured, and a hand patted his hair. Buck snorted, deliberately trying to get snot into her face, the crazy old cow.

The knife dug into his throat a little, warningly, and Buck stilled again. His thoughts were frantic, darting from one idea to the next, but he had no idea how he was going to get out of this.

I’m going to be murdered by a bunch of elderly satanists in a nursing home as a ritualistic sacrifice, Buck realised and it was too much, it really was. Of course I am.

Laughter bubbled up through his chest and he snorted into the cloth blocking his mouth, unsure if the tears flowing down his cheeks were from the pepper spray or from the insanity of his situation. He was terrified but he couldn’t stop laughing, this was it, he’d finally lost his mind, just like these crazy people. Or perhaps he was becoming hysterical. Oh my god.

“Oh my god!” his words were repeated but much louder and wait, that wasn’t him speaking, that was Bobby and “GET OFF HIM!” that was Eddie, oh thank fuck his team had found him.

There was a lot of shouting then and the people around him and on him were gone and Eddie was talking to him, Eddie’s hands were on his face and Buck gasped in relief as the cloth was pulled from his mouth. Bobby was shouting angrily and other hands were on Buck’s arms and legs, tugging at him. He flinched, cracking his eyes open to see Eddie’s face right in front of his, eyes pinched with worry.

“Buck oh my god, what- it’s okay, it’s just Hen and Chim getting you free, Buck, stay still,” Eddie was speaking quickly and Buck blinked at him, wanting to wipe his eyes so he could see better. He coughed, and hacked out more mucus from his sore throat, finally able to get it out instead of having to swallow it down.

“Get some water!” Eddie shouted then and Buck twitched back, startled. “Sorry Buck, sorry,” the apology came with Eddie’s hands holding his shoulders firmly and Buck went limp, finally able to relax somewhat now that he was safe.

His hands and legs were freed and then water was being trickled over his eyes and down his face and Buck sighed in gratitude as the burning started to ease. He couldn’t help himself and kept trying to wipe his eyes but each time someone stopped him, Hen and Chim’s voices telling him not to touch his eyes, or his face.

The water stopped and something was being wiped over his face gently, oh so gently. Buck recognised Eddie’s hand, even with his eyes closed and he sighed again, the firm warmth of them making him feel safe.

“Are you hurt anywhere Buck?” Hen asked him, and hands were patting him all over, making him flinch again.

“Hea-” he coughed, and hacked out more pleghm, “head, two. Twice. Sticks!” he finished indignantly. “Sticks ev-where else.”

The patting hands stilled and he heard them murmuring to each other, asking what he meant but Buck was too tired suddenly to answer. His throat hurt, everything hurt and he could barely see and he was done, he was fucking done with nursing homes and old people.

“Getting out of here,” he announced, and rolled, then pushed himself up onto his hands and knees.

“Buck, no-” Hen’s voice protested but Buck ignored her. He was getting the fuck out of this place. He got one knee under him and then Eddie’s hands were on him again, helping him get to his feet.

Wavering a little, Buck felt more hands grasp his shoulders and dragged his unwilling eyes open to see Bobby’s anxious face in front of his.

“Buck you should stay down until we’ve checked you out,” Bobby started to say, and Buck shook his head so vehemently that he wobbled.

“No. Fucking insane here, m’mm getting out,” he declared, and turned, leaning heavily on Eddie as he stumbled towards the door. It wasn’t that far to the front door of the home, and he wasn’t badly hurt, just a bit battered.

The walk out and subsequent ride in the ambulance to the hospital passed in a blur. Buck tolerated the bright lights in his eyes as they checked for concussion, and the prodding at the various bruises on his body and head. The effects of the pepper spray lessened during the drive and while he was treated at the hospital and finally he was released into Eddie’s custody. The others had had to return to the station to finish their shift.

“How long do you think it will be until Chim is telling everyone about what happened?” Buck grumbled as he dropped his head back against the head rest in Eddie’s truck with a sigh.

“Already has,” Eddie replied, indicating Buck’s phone. “Check the group chat.”

Squinting through his still sore eyes and reminding himself again not to rub them, Buck opened his phone and groaned at the number of notifications on the group chat. Deciding to get it over with, he opened it up and scrolled back to the start. Sure enough, it was Chimney’s message that started it all.

Chim
First of all, Buck is fine

Second, he was taken down by a bunch of grannies who tried to sacrifice him to Satan today

Maddie
WHAT
Call me right now Howie, I mean it

Karen
Grannies?

Hen
It’s Bobby fault, he jinxed us

Bobby
How was I supposed to know that they’d rigged the alarm system to snare themselves a nice young firefighter to sacrifice?

Chim
They had a pentagram and all. It was awesome. We found Buck under a pile of old people, all sitting on him to keep him still so they could sacrifice him

Eddie
I’d like to point out that they pepper sprayed Buck, twice. And tied him up and beat him. It could have been any one of us.

“Thanks Eddie,” Buck murmured as he read that message.

Chim
Tied him up with compression stockings and beat him with their walking sticks! Don’t forget they gagged him with a scented, paisley handkerchief!

Buck could see the grin on Chim’s face even through the phone, and groaned again.

Karen
WHY

Athena
The Director tried to tell me the group was role playing. And that I couldn’t arrest the elderly. I disagreed.

Athena
They thought that sacrificing Buck would give them their youth back.

Chim
So role playing Satanist grannies took down the biggest guy on our crew and tried to sacrifice him. Anyone want to go to the bar tonight? I’ll shout first round

Buck flung it a little harder than it deserved onto the truck’s dash. “I am never going to live this down, am I.”

Eddie, very wisely, kept his mouth shut. His lips, however, twitched until he bit his lip.

“It could be worse. At least it wasn’t tiny beauty queens trying to sacrifice you?”

Blushing and snorting at the same time, Buck groaned “Eddie! ” and swatted his friend’s shoulder. Then he grabbed his phone again.