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Andrew didn’t realize how many things Neil had given him along the years until he started packing for college. He supposes twelve years is a long time to accumulate stuff. The oldest of them, a white fox stuffie, is sitting proudly on his bedside table.
Andrew’s brain makes sure he never forgets anything, but he has a reserved place in his mind for special memories. Most memories of Neil are there, but the first time they met is one of the pride and joys of his so-called collection.
Andrew was nervous. His mom was taking him and Aaron to meet the new neighbors. From what Andrew heard, they had kids around the twins’ age. Aaron was a ball of energy, excited to meet new friends but Andrew was more concerned about what the kids would be like. Although he wouldn’t admit, he was scared they’d be meanies like so many he had met before.
When his mom rings the doorbell, a tall dark haired kid opens.
“Hello, I’m Kevin!” The boy says, like he rehearsed that a few times.
Bee smiles.
“Hello Kevin, we’re the new neighbors. I brought Aaron and Andrew to play. I talked to your dad about it.”
A very tall man with the same eyes appears behind Kevin.
“Betsy! Hey! The kids have been jumping on the walls all day to meet the twins. C’mon in!”
Aaron and Kevin hit it off right away, running inside and giggling while talking about some video game.
Andrew, however, plants his feet firmly on the ground. His mom puts her hands on his shoulders.
“Andrew is a bit shy.” She explains.
Andrew is looking at the floor, so it surprises him when a childish voice says:
“Don’t worry Miss Dobson, I’ll take care of him!”
Andrew looks up and his poor little heart almost can’t take it.
There, smiling at him with a missing tooth, is the prettiest boy Andrew has ever seen. With wild auburn locks framing sky blue eyes, the boy clutches an old fox stuffie.
“Hi Andrew, I’m Neil. Do you want to be my friend?”
In all his six years of life, Andrew never had a friend.
Well, there’s Aaron but he doesn’t count.
So, hesitantly, he nods. Neil beams and grabs his hand, pulling him inside the house.
“C’mon, I wanna show you something!”
Andrew is too stunned to speak, so he just follows Neil to his room.
The room is very clean and organized, simple and covered with shelves full of different stuffed animals of all kinds.
Andrew thinks it feels cozy and warm.
Neil runs to close the curtains and turn off the lights.
When he clicks the switch, a million stars glow in the dark.
“Woah!” Is all Andrew says.
Neil chuckles, clearly very proud of himself.
“Pretty cool, isn’t it? Dad finished gluing them all today.”
Andrew just nods, too stunned to speak.
"It's like looking at space!" Andrew murmurs in wonder.
Neil runs to his bed and grabs something, hiding it behind his back.
“When my parents picked me up they gave me Palmer.” Neil gestures to the fox stuffie he left on the bed. “They say that just like we can always fix Palmer and I won't love her any less, they'll never love me less no matter what happens. And I decided today you are going to be my best friend forever.” Neil blushes and looks at the floor. “So this is for you.” Neil hands him a white fox stuffie.
Andrew takes it, still too surprised to speak. He looks at it and then at Neil.
“Best friends forever?” He repeats.
“Only if you want.” Neil says, in a small voice, looking at the floor, very shy all of a sudden.
Andrew wants it.
“Okay.” He says, hugging his new stuffie and new friend.
Andrew smiles at the stuffie and continues packing. It’s so strange yet so right that he fell in love with Neil before even knowing what love was. Really, how could he not? Neil had been a light in his dark life since he showed up at that door all those years ago.
Neil was like a star, he thought, while his hands brushed the framed glow-in-the-dark star sticker beside the fox.
It was the first time Andrew and Aaron were sleeping over at the Wyamacks' house. It was also the first time Andrew was sleeping without his mom since he was adopted. Bee had been a little hesitant to let them go, but the twins insisted and Bee trusted the Wymacks’ enough to let her two 9 year-olds have a sleepover with Kevin and Neil.
As always, Neil’s smile is all it takes to put Andrew at easy. The four of them play as always, but when it’s bedtime the nervousness starts to come back.
“I put a mattress in Kevin’s room for Aaron and one in Neil’s room for Andrew, is that okay?” Mr. Wymack asks before putting them to bed.
All of them agree, knowing well it is that way so Neil and Andrew won’t pull any pranks on Kevin and Aaron while they sleep.
Andrew is clearly anxious by the time they put on their pajamas, so Neil, always observant, takes his hand.
“It’s okay, we can sleep together if you want!” He says, happy.
Andrew is not sure why the idea makes him all warm and fuzzy inside. He shared a bed with his mom or Aaron plenty of times, why is it different with Neil?
Mr. Wymack comes and puts Neil in his bed and Andrew in his mattress on the floor. After that, he gives them both forehead kisses and says goodnight
They wait until mr. Wymack is out of the room, pretending to be asleep. They aren’t doing anything forbidden, but they both want it to be a secret just for the two of them.
Once they can hear him down stairs, Neil sits up and extends his hands, making small grab motions.
“Come here.”
Andrew blushes and gets in bed with Neil. The other boy pulls the covers over them and holds his hand.
Neil is warm and smells like kid’s shampoo.
Andrew loves it.
“Goodnight, Andrew!” Neil says.
Andrew smiles, both of them clutching their own foxes while holding hands.
“Goodnight Neil.”
Andrew watches Neil’s face under the glow-in-the-dark stars’ light until he falls asleep.
Andrew smiles at the sticker Neil gave him the morning after, before Andrew left, and put it carefully in a box. He picks up an exy ball next. The exy ball from their first practice in the middle's league. That was an interesting day.
13 year-old Andrew is standing between Neil and one of the bigger kids.
“Leave him alone.” Andrew says, chin up and fists closed.
“Oh, sorry,” the boy says, in a mocking tone.”I didn’t know Exy was a sport full of fa…”
Andrew punched him before he finished.
Forty minutes later, Andrew is sitting next to the coach’s office without a scratch while the other boy sports several bruises. When the boy leaves the room and it’s his turn to enter, Andrew gives him a big smile. The boy whimpers and clutches his mom’s arm.
Bee is already inside, coach says Andrew will be suspended for a week while the other boy is being expelled for homophobic behaviour and they leave.
“Andrew…”
“He was picking on Neil!”
His mom gives him a small smile.
“Good job.”
Andrew is surprised. His mom was always against violent behavior. He assumes the cause for this one made it different.
“Andrew!” Neil is running to him as soon as they reach the parking lot.
“I’ll be in the car.” Bee says before leaving.
“What were you thinking?” Neil says, punching his shoulder lightly. “You could have been expelled!”
Andrew shrugs.
“I don’t care.”
Neil is horrified.
“You don’t care?! How will we make it to the Olympics without you!?” Neil whines.
“I’m not letting anyone hurt you.” Andrew says, all his 13-year-old commitment into it.
Neil opens and closes his mouth several times, blushing deeply.
Andrew wants to kiss him.
The thought is so natural it catches Andrew completely off guard.
Then Neil, as if thinking the same, gets closer and kisses his cheek while putting something in his hand.
Andrew freezes as Neil runs off. He looks at his hand to see one of the Exy balls they used today.
Andrew smiles and gets to the car to go home.
Andrew never had any doubts about his sexuality. Girls never really caught his eyes the way boys did. His mom had made sure he and Aaron had a safe environment growing up for that. Although it got him in some very embarrassing talks, Andrew would be forever grateful to her for that. He looks at the small broken swing drawing with the words “I don’t swing” written below it and his heart clenches.
Neil was asked out by a very pretty girl today. When she came close to them, twirling her dark curls, Andrew almost punched her. But that was not what a good friend should do, so he watched helplessly as the girl asked Neil out like Andrew wasn’t even there.
For Andrew’s relief, Neil had seemed uninterested and said no. Andrew knew it was a matter of time until someone caught Neil’s eyes, though. Even if he didn’t seem interested in anyone, he would be eventually, right?
Later, in the only class their years share, Andrew passes Neil a note asking why he rejected the girl.
He sees Neil grin at the paper and scribble something on the verse, before passing it back to Andrew.
In the verse of the paper is a broken swing drawing with a fox paw, the writing below it says “I don’t swing”.
Andrew’s heart sinks. Neil didn’t like anyone and never would. It wasn’t a problem, of course. Neil’s sexuality would never be a problem.
The problem is that Andrew really wanted Neil to love him like he loved Neil.
And, apparently, that would never happen.
Andrew tells himself it’s fine, that Neil’s friendship is enough and he is greedy to want more.
Still, a small portion of him is selfish enough to be hurt.
Andrew folds the paper and closes another box. He is almost finished with packing when his mom announces Neil is there. A few seconds later, the familiar auburn curls peek at his door, greeting him with piercing blue eyes.
“Hey.” Neil says, with a smile.
Andrew is never quite used to what that smile causes to his heart, even after all those years.
Neil changed a lot. His face is now sharp and handsome, his body the one of an athlete.
But his sky blue eyes and unruly curls are still the same.
“Hey.” He answers.
Neil looks around.
“I came to help, but it seems like you already did all the work.” Neil laughs.
Andrew’s heart stops.
Before he can stop himself, he gets up and into Neil’s arms.
“I’ll miss you.” He says, in a choked voice.
Neil strokes his hair, calmly.
“I’ll be right there in a year.” Neil answers.
Andrew’s eyes wide.
“You’re going to Palmetto? But I thought…”
“Yes, the Ravens are trying to sign me.” Neil says, patiently. “I’ll say no.”
Andrew’s mouth hangs open.
“But it’s the best team in college Exy.” He argues. Exy is Neil’s biggest passion, why would he refuse an offer like that?
Neil shakes his head, smiling.
“They can’t be the best without the best goalie out there.” Neil says.
Andrew is astonished.
“You absolute junkie.” He says, and before he can stop himself…”I love you.”
Neil smiles and holds Andrew’s face in his hands.
“I love you too.”
Andrew’s chest explodes in butterflies. He knows none of them mean it as just friends
“I thought you didn’t swing.” Andrew says, looking at Neil in so much wonder it almost seems like he’s seeing the other for the first time again.
In the end, Neil didn’t change at all.
“Only with you.” Neil says. “None of the rules apply to you.”
Andrew closes the distance between their lips and Neil meets him in an explosion of colors.
It’s a moment worth the wait.