Chapter Text
Looking at you
Is looking at a star
It’s as if every part of me
Burns
Aches
In the most beautiful way
So painful
But so wonderful
That I want to clutch it tight
Hold onto it forever
But how can I subject you to that?
How can I love you
And ask you
To love me in return?
It’s not possible
No one
Other than those forced by blood
Have ever touched me with care
With thought
And even then
I’m a disappointment
A failure
A monster
And I only prove that I’m unworthy
Because I’m so selfish
All I want to do is open my mouth and scream
Don’t leave
Don’t leave
Don’t leave me
Yet at the same time
I know what needs to happen
At the cost of what I want
I am a monster
No matter how I hide my crooked fangs
And my razor claws
I will hurt
And destroy
Everything that I touch
And everything that I love
Everyone I have loved
Leaves
Without a glance back
You know this
Deeply
More intimately than anyone who’s tried to love me before
You only saw the ugly parts of me
The side that’s broken and scarred and vicious
I’ve cut you
Maimed you
Drove you to the brink of death
And dragged you back
Kicking and screaming
And still, you look at me like that
You touch me like something soft, fragile
Precious
Not a weapon
Not a tool
Like a person
That deserves to breathe
That deserves to feel
That deserves to exist
How?
How can anyone see these fractures in my soul
And find gold?
How can I subject you to me
To the rage and pain lurking in my shadows?
But...
How can you see my pain
And find it reflected in your own?
How can you choose to stay
When you know my monstrosities
Have witnessed them firsthand
And barely even flinch?
How can you touch me like that
And smile like that
When I’m me?
How do I turn my back—
How do I tear my eyes from—
How do I walk away from—
You
You
You