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...What a bother.
Saiki Kusuo, your average high school student, finds himself stranded in an island the first thing in the morning. He hasn't even had his breakfast yet, and now he has to deal with his entire bed being suddenly teleported to the sand. Just regular high schooler things, except not really.
Normally he wouldn't think twice before fixing this before school, but seriously... Giving up his powers made such daily kind of issue even more annoying than usual. It's like not being able to use pyrokinesis to heat up food, and then burning it up in the microwave because you're not used to picking the exact amount of time to heat the amount of food you have. Except you're the microwave on this metaphor, and you can cause a forest fire by simply sleeping. Honestly, Saiki couldn't help but feel lucky all his sleep psyching caused was a little teleporting.
And now, what should he do?
"It would be bothersome to have to miss class today." Is the conclusion he reaches as he watches the waves crack on the shore. Being stranded on an island once again was but a minor inconvenience for an all-powerful esper such as him, after all. Comparatively to a normal high school student, it'd be like forgetting your uniform in the washing machine without ever putting it in the dryer overnight. Annoying, but not impossible to overcome. Just grab a hair dryer and do your best, I suppose.
Good grief. The issue is... Saiki Kusuo is a regular high school student, not an all-powerful esper. And he has no washing machine, no uniform, no hair dryer and no power outlets. Well— The last bit wasn't really that important. Fact is the green tinted lenses from his toy glasses were gone, as well as the limiter antennas on his head since there was no need to limit his newly-found normalness. He's a regular guy and there's nothing to pry about it.
Being teleported to a stranded island was also a regular thing to do, apparently. He's so lonely all he can hear are the thoughts of the fishes in the ocean.
... Huh? That's also a normal thing for a normal person to do. What are you talking about?
. . .
Saiki rubs his eyes and sits up on his bed, that apparently teleported with him. Not even his subconscious wanted to touch the sand first thing in the morning, it seems. Not that this is his fault, really. There must be a reasonable explanation for all of this.
...!
Could it be... Dark Reunion?! This island really seemed fishy from the start. Maybe here's where they conduct those human enhancement exams or whatever Kaidou always babbles about. It has to be it.
...Just kidding, it was surely sleep psyching. Saiki simply felt inclined to mislead the readers for some reason. Wait, readers—?!
Shit, there goes another power, the fourth wall breaking.
Man, I really need to get a grip... Once I notice it, I'm going to take over the narration and shift it to first person without me ever noticing it. But there's no way that could be an issue since I'm merely a background character now, and the world doesn't revolve around me anymore. Of course.
... I'm narrating in first person now, right? Right. My powers are really running out of control when I least want them to. Hopefully this isn't some work of fanfiction at least, spare me some dignity.
Sighs. How do I fix this mess, when I'm a mess myself? I wanted at least a minute to freak out over my powers not being sealed properly, but I can't even give myself that luxury. Maybe it was my precognition acting up, but the truth is that I'm not really surprised by this outcome.
It was bound to happen, right? Of course the esper who was born with the most annoying powers imaginable wouldn't just be able to give them away on the flip of s switch. My body probably must've adapted to accept my skills, or something like that. It shouldn't be that easy. It's like taking all the cigarettes away from an addicted smoker suddenly— Even if the choice is the best for health, it's not something that can be done so easily as the body needs more and more nicotine. I figure it must be the same with my powers... Except I don't get why I made myself look so miserable with such a bad example. ESP is not a drug and kids aren't born with cigarettes in their mouths most of the time, but I figure I made my point clear already.
I look at the waves in the sea, and I feel fine. The hot, steamy sun irritating my eyes makes me feel fine. This is like a vacation trip, it's fine.
I suddenly punch a palm tree out of pure frustration and send it flying into oblivion. Just a normal thing for a regular student to do.
I'm fine.
... Now, how do I get out of this? If I simply teleport, there's no telling where I'm really going to end up as I can't control these powers. Maybe I'll show up on the stage at a rock festival in Brazil while wearing these stupid jaguar print pajamas my mom bought me and cause a commotion so big I alter the course of fashion trends worldwide. Maybe I'll teleport a few centimeters to my right. There's no telling what will happen when my powers are in such a state.
I wish this really was Dark Reunion's doing... It'd be easier to explain, at least. I sigh heavily and close my eyes.
. . .
... And when I open them once again, I'm in Black Jet Wing's secret hideout. Kaidou's room. This has to be a joke. I blink my eyes several times, and yet the room doesn't move an inch.
I get up and I look around, touching everything I could with my hands like an absolute weirdo. Shit. This seems awfully realistic, but at least Kaidou himself isn't here. Speaking of him...
Clairvoyance!
It didn't work. I went cross-eyed in the middle of my classmate's room, and I came back with empty hands.
Then the door opens up, and I feel like I could die this same second. Someone is surely calling the police on me, and I'll end up in the news all across Japan. I'm going to prison and I'll be known as the 'cross-eyed pervert', and I won't ever see anyone again. That's my end. Maybe getting my ESP revealed would be less humiliating than this.
— Shun, what are you doing?! You're going to be late for school if you keep fooling around like this?
I'm unsure if that was one of my powers or not, but I could hear the sound of glass breaking. Maybe it was my sanity being shattered, perhaps.
Shun?
Don't call any man in your son's room by his name, please. I'd rather have you call the police on me.
Wait, so that means... I see.
I simply nod at Kaidou's mom, and grab his backpack and school materials almost robotically, like Kaidou Shun himself would do. Because apparently I'm him now. It feels a bit disgusting, but it's true.
Hypnosis. The power to shift people's perception of reality around you without changing anything physically, or something like that. It must have been activated by accident, and as I'm in Kaidou's house my ESP decided to take the safest approach. Except I don't have ESP anymore. In any case... Good job, me.
Usually this skill doesn't work on myself, but I won't question it. My powers are erratic and I don't have my limiters on, so... I'll just take what I can get.
I should probably get moving soon. The real Kaidou Shun should be somewhere else in the house, since his backpack is still here. Good grief. Would it be worse to simply take his things and leave? His mom is going to start suspecting me if I leave empty-handed, though. She might even think her dearly beloved Shun is becoming a delinquent. I don't really care about that last part, but this sort of inconsistency is going to be suspicious even for someone as stupid as Kaidou... probably. Either way, I don't want to take any risks.
I walk through the house with careful steps, silent as a ninja. I could probably kill someone like this if I wanted to, really. I'm so quiet, it's almost as if...
...I look at my feet, and maybe I am floating a little bit. What a way to ruin my cool moment. And it's not turning off, so I'm just going to hope people's hallucinations of Kaidou Shun include his feet touching the ground. If someone asks, I'm just going to say the power sealed on his arm was awakened and it was in truth just the ability to levitate one centimeter above the ground.
Whatever. The least I could do was to walk my way to school, and leave Kaidou's backpack there. Even if he arrives in school after I do and sees it, he's probably going to write it off as his own forgetfulness and think he was the one that brought it there anyways, or something like that. The possibility of a doppelganger bringing a bag to school before the true Kaidou arrives is a bit too absurd even for Dark Reunion.
Hopefully I don't meet Nendou or Kuboyasu on my way there. I'd hate to have to pretend to care about secret societies or sealed powers or whatever. There's only so much embarrassment someone can handle. Again, maybe going to jail would have been better.
I keep on float-walking as discreetly as I can, hiding behind trash cans or power poles every now and then, probably ruining any crumbs of reputation Kaidou could possibly have with his neighbors. My telepathy isn’t working, but it’s not hard for me to guess people’s opinions on me as I watch a mother cover her daughter’s eyes as they pass by me on the street. I should probably make up for this later.
My way is clear, it seems. Nice. I should probably try to find Real Kaidou’s location now while I’m at it, just to play it safe. His reputation is already hitting rock bottom, so it shouldn’t be too bad if someone caught him going cross-eyed behind a dumpster in the middle of the street by now. Good grief.
Whatever. Clairvoyance!
…
…Huh?
My inner GPS must be royally screwed up, I saw something completely useless and nonsensical. Okay, I shouldn’t probably strain myself too much anyways. I’ll simply do it as a… normal high schooler would probably do in such a situation.
The plan is to get to the school, leave Kaidou’s bag somewhere he could probably see and then figure out a way to break out of this bothersome illusion, all of this before class actually starts. It shouldn’t be that hard. Here goes nothing.
Step, step… Except they don’t make any noise.
Walking to school coming from Kaidou’s house first thing in the morning is honestly kind of weird. I know I got teleported there and people are seeing me as the idiot in the flesh, but I can’t help but feel I’m leaving a sleepover at his place in the middle of the week. How old are we again? Five? Not even Akechi got that far, Kaidou Shun, so why would you? Give it up.
Okay, I’m getting closer. Closer, closer…
…!
Shit, the dumpster called to me again. Why did I have to jump in without thinking?!
Some voices are getting closer, that’s why.
— Oh. I haven't seen Partner yet. Do ya think he got food poisoning?
— Huh?! — From the sound of the interrobang marks, it was surely Kuboyasu. — What makes you think so?
— Duh. He didn’t come for ramen yesterday, so it’s the only explanation. His tummy must be all sad and lonely without ramen, oh. A guy can’t work without his basic needs.
What’s even the image you have of me, Nendou?! You’re the only ramen-head around here, get a grip.
— That’s not how food poisoning works! Food can’t poison someone unless you eat it, for fuck’s sake… — Kuboyasu sighs. At least he has some reason left in him. — But I guess, when I think of it… It kind of makes sense.
No! Don’t let Nendou infect you, Kuboyasu!
— Haven’t seen pipsqueak either. — Nendou seems a bit too perceptive for my taste today. It’s scary, really. — Do you think they’re having, like, a mid-week sleepover?
What are you, a psychic?!
— Could be. Maybe Saiki’s tummy-hurty spread to Kaidou…
Don’t call it tummy-hurty! How old are you, five?!
At this rate, the rumors will spread and then they’ll kill me off like they did with Teruhashi that one time she got sick. I should get to action quickly. It’s a bit weird that Kaidou hasn’t showed up yet, but I’ll use this in my favor.
Once dumb and dumber are far enough from my hiding spot, I crawl out of the trashcan. The smell is going to be a tough one to deal with when I’m trying to be sneaky, but what’s done is done. I just have to take this instant noodles cup from my head, and then I’m all done.
…Okay, I’m ready now. Ew.
The rest of the way to school is unnecessarily more troublesome than usual, like something straight out of a videogame. I have to dodge Takahashi (for no reason in special), then save a passerby lady from a car accident, then Nendou, then a kid looking for his missing dog, then Takahashi again (arguably more catastrophic than the possibility of a car accident), until… I’m finally inside the school, somehow.
I mean, Kaidou is, since everyone is seeing Kaidou instead of me. Whatever, I shouldn't waste any time. Which one of these is Kaidou’s locker again? Good grief.
There’s no way on earth I’m going to try and use psychometry on school lockers of all things. No. Zero chance. I’ll just take an educated guess since I see him every morning, put the bag inside it and hope for the best.
… It should be this one, with the Dark Reunion sticker on the inner side. Thanks, Kaidou. I hope you enjoy the eau de dumpster essence on your bag.
And now? Now I leave as quickly as I can, before my double arrives. I just need to give it one more try before I go.
Clairvoyance!
…
Oh, that’s…
…why I had seen the sea earlier.
I may have screwed up a little.
. . .
. . .
. . .
Kaidou Shun ended up arriving to class one period late, claiming Dark Reunion had kidnapped him and brought him to a research facility in the tropics.
But no one believed him, of course. It's not like the smell of garbage reeking from his whole body helped his case much, either. Thankfully everyone got so caught up in that, they didn't notice how much I smelled of sea salt.
...Good grief, who knew I could’ve awakened a new power while trying so hard to repress them.
Seriously, just give me a break.