Chapter Text
Counting didn’t help anymore. After 238 cars had driven by them Marc realized that he couldn’t ignore his father anymore as he grew louder. He had been upset with him the whole day already, Marc thought it would lighten his mood a bit if he joined him to shop for groceries and help him. It hadn’t, they’d been out for barely five minutes before his father suddenly began inquiring about his behavior again and Marc promptly decided to tune him out. Like he’d do every time. However as his dads voice overpowered the news broadcast on the radio it was becoming increasingly hard to keep his nervousness at bay - and then he lost count of the cars and this thing in his mind… it snapped.
He’d felt himself become lightheaded and dizzy and rubbed his eyes. Calling out for his dad hadn’t worked since he was too focused on his outburst so Marc just opted to sit through this one, he was good at letting things happen and go by without much participation and so he did.
When he came to the next time he was still in the car, ‘must’ve been just a couple of minutes then’ he thought as he chewed on his Oreo that he hadn’t even noticed eating at first. His heart rate felt calmer and his hands weren’t sweaty anymore. His eyes weren’t wet like the other times his dad would loose his composure and start yelling. His breathing wasn’t a turmoil of emotion making itself known in his lungs that didn’t want to let enough air inside. He’d felt fine. Completely fine.
“Marc?”
His eyes snapped up to the rear view mirror to find his dad looking at him “uh..yea?”
“Do you want to tell me what that was all about? I’ve told you multiple times before not to use words like that”
He frowned then but his dad didn’t even give him a chance to respond. “I understand you don’t like to be yelled at and I’m sorry but I don’t quite know what to make of you anymore at the moment son, something is very wrong and you won’t tell me anything.”
Marc grabbed another Oreo and looked out of the window, decidedly ending the conversation here. If he was being honest to himself he had to admit he didn’t really understand what was going on either. He’d tell his dad that he was absolutely terrified because he’d black out and not remember things or even days while somebody else took over his body. He knew somebody would because they’d go to school for him. They’d do homework for him, eat and drink and sleep for him, talk to dad for him, get cookies for him and calm his heartbeat down for him. They’d do all these things for him but still he was scared because he’d only just turned 12 and he was sure he was a bit too young to be having a struggle like this. On the other hand he was also too young for what his mom would put on him so he immediately decided to cross “too young” out of his vocabulary.
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He’d also tell his dad that he was confused because of all these people that would talk to him like he’d know them. By all these chores for neighbors and friends and family members that he’d written in his school planner but couldn’t recall agreeing to. By the fact that he was even terrified of this other someone in the first place because all they’d ever done is help him. Make him feel less alone. Make him stop crying… make sure he would eat and sleep enough.
If he could Marc would also tell his dad that he wanted to run away from home. That he slowly started hating his mother and that he was absolutely frightened by her. That he was uncomfortable in school and that he didn’t like his uncle. That he couldn’t even remember eating dinner last night and that he sometimes had thoughts about disappearing for good. He’d tell him that he was unhappy and was forcing himself to smile just so he could avoid more pity faces and worried questions. But he couldn’t tell his dad all these things.
Marc knew Elias lived his life in uncertainty every day nowadays. Uncertain of how his wife would feel. Uncertain of how much she would drink. Uncertain of how long he could still pretend he wouldn’t know what she does to Marc behind closed doors. Uncertain how long he could still pretend everything would go back to normal. Uncertain of how to act around Marc, how to help him and be there for him.
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Marc didn’t mind this. He was uncertain too. They could be uncertain together.
He jumped a bit when the car stopped in their driveway. He hadn’t noticed they’ve already made it back the whole way and he didn’t even come up with any plans for the afternoon yet. Anything that would allow him to stay away from home a bit longer would do.
“Can I go to the library?” He asked while leaning away from the window to turn to his dad.
The pause was long and Marc knew this would be a no. “What do you want there?” Elias asked after turning around in his seat making Marc shrug “watch tomb buster in the room with the old tv.”
He hasn’t watched tomb buster in… maybe two years anymore. First mom had hidden the movie and the remote, then he’d become too scared it would trigger this other person in him to come out since they both seemed to like it. But right now he decided he’d stop being scared. He knew he didn’t have to be scared of someone who’d only ever made sure he was okay.
“You can watch tomb buster here if you want, i put it back into the shelf where it belongs”
“I don’t want to watch it in the living room” Marc said as he opened the door and got out of the car after stuffing the roll of Oreos in his jacket pocket. He twisted open one of the cookies and walked to the trunk while eating some of the cream.
“I’ll put the old tv into your room then you can watch it upstairs” he heard his dad behind him and turned around to smile at him a bit. “Thanks dad” it wasn’t big but it was genuine. Genuine and grateful.
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About halfway through the movie Marc started crying. With his chin propped on his knees as he sat on the floor, hugging his legs to his chest and silently sniffling he had found his thoughts drifting off. The last time he’d watched this movie was with Randal. Before he’d killed him and ruined his own family.
He sniffed again before shaking his head and angrily wiping the tears off his cheeks. He hated how everything was now. He’d felt lonely. Sad. Uncomfortable. Nervous. All these things that he didn’t feel around Randal… didn’t have to feel before Randal was dead and it occurred him that maybe Randal had always protected him from feeling so lost. He’d ask him to play adventurers and all his worries would be forgotten. His mom was never this mean to him because Randal would take the blame for small mishaps or would distract her so Marc could clean up any messes he might’ve made. They’ve been partners in crime and Randal had always saved Marc and protected him. Both things that Marc couldn’t do. That he was too weak for, too dumb, too incapable, too slow, too useless, too jealous.
He shook his head and stood up from the ground while sobbing. Pressing a hand to his mouth he tried to stifle any noise coming from him. Mom was sleeping in the living room and he didn’t want to wake her up. He tried walking around the room to calm himself down. Tried to breathe in deeply, breathe out calmly. Tried to wipe the tears out of his eyes before they were ready to spill but he couldn’t help this feeling that she was right. He knew she was. It was all his fault alone, he killed Randal and he didn’t save him. He’d gotten himself out of the cave and now Randal was dead because of his selfishness, his cowardliness. It should’ve been him. Mom said so and she was right.
He falls to his knees again, his body slumping out from under his control as he pressed his hands to his heart, desperate to make it stop beating so fast so he could finally stop crying but none of his attempts worked and he’d just stay sobbing on the floor, slowly falling apart.
„Bloody hell“ snapping his head up Marc tried to make out who was talking when he realized he wasn’t in his room anymore. He was in some sort of a black void as he pushed himself off his knees utterly terrified. He looked around but there was nothing around anywhere. Just darkness surrounding him, slowly swallowing him up, the only source of light too far away to help him see. Somehow he felt watched and lonely at the same time.
„Well this is scary“ the voice mumbled. „Must’ve given him a real startle“
Marc frowned, this voice was so far away and yet felt so close. It was so familiar and still he could swear he’d never heard it before. Slowly he decided to make his way over to the source of light, a hole in this infinite darkness that he was sure this voice was coming from. So he picked up his pace and ran, too worried he’ll miss his chance and never find out who was speaking.
‚Maybe I get in so much trouble cause im too curious‘ he mumbled under his breathe as he approached the white square in front of him quickly.
„A scary movie hardly is trouble.“
The voice snorted and Marc stopped dead in his tracks. The white light coming from the square shape in front of him now almost blinding him as his heartbeat picked back up. He turned to glance around the darkness again, not entirely sure why. Nothing was there and the light was slowly taking away this gruesome numbness he felt all over his body. So he decided, against all natural instincts, to be brave (and curious) and step closer to the light. Pushing from his mind that he was here all alone and yet somebody had answered him.
He slowly walked closer and as he approached this bright white nothing slowly morphed into a familiar setting. He was now standing directly in front of the square and it was like a window to his bedroom.
He looked around. The tv was turned off and the cassette was returned to the case which was laying opened on the floor until he picked it up to close it and neatly put it away.
Marc watched himself tidy his room and he thought that maybe he should be terrified of another person taking his body after all. It was really scary to watch himself do something that essentially wasn’t him. He hoped he’d never have to explain this to anyone because it would be impossible. He shook his head, he had wanted to find this someone and find out why they were here, he’d watched the movie just to try and coax him out so he wouldn’t back out now. There was no reason to be scared, especially thinking that he was in this weird room all by himself and the other person was in another room and his mirror, which he now figured out was the ‘window’, separated them.
“Hey!” He spoke loudly, startling… himself. “What are you doing?! Why are you always taking my body away?” He said lowly. He didn’t know why he felt angry, he didn’t want to be. He hated anger.
“What are you talking about silly? You called me out so I came” this caught him off guard. Had he called somebody? He didn’t remember speaking in the first place.
“Who are you?” He asked, trying not to show his confusion.
“Oh I’m Steven… Grant… hiya” Marc.. Steven waved at him shortly with an awkward yet friendly smile before turning back around to tidy up the rest of the room “thought you would know to be honest, you were the one who chose my name.”
“Me?? I don’t even know why you’re here” he stomped his foot in frustration.
“Right… sorry… Jake explained it to me but I forgot” Steven nods while turning back around and walking over to Marc before sitting down cross legged in front of the mirror.
“Why didn’t Jake explain it to me?” Marc asked, sitting down in front of the mirror too.
“You know Jake?” Steven seemed delighted, even if confused but Marc just shook his head.
“Uhm…can I..?” He points at Steven trying to ask for his body back, which seems like a very weird thing to ask for so he trails off.
„No sorry… it’s really… we can’t really force it whenever we want to… I guess it’s kinda… automatic?“ Steven tried his best to explain it to him but Marc saw that he must have as little of an idea about what was really going on as he had so he decided to just accept this and move on. He pointed at the bed. “There’s a blue box underneath”
Steven turned around to the bed and then looked back at Marc for a moment before getting up to walk over to the bed. “I found it when I tidied up… and besides it’s my room so I can grab any box I want” he crossed his arms defensively, feeling like Stevens double take was somewhat accusatory but the other just giggled while fishing the box out from under the bed.
“It’s my room too so I guess I can grab the box too” he smirks while plopping down on the floor again and opening the box. Inside it there were some post-it notes with drawings and crossed out scribblings, two hats, a stuffed animal as well as a number of toy cars with make shift bandaid adhesive labels, all saying Jake.
“Ah” Steven simply says while nodding, his eyes not leaving the box as he checked out the rest of the contents, things like marbles shiny rocks, Pokémon cards and a small pocket mirror. “Jake is a really shy one” he nods.
“So you’re me? And Jake is me too?”
Steven just shrugs and looks back up as he puts the lid of the box back on top of it “hmm.. not sure mate, Jake can explain a bit better he says he’s had much time to think about it and that he can see much more stuff while you and I usually just… go for a quick nap while we’re inside” he gestures to Marc and the mirror while getting up to put back the box. “Jake says we’re not the same people we just live in the same body together.”
“What do you mean Jake had more time?”
Steven just shrugs again. “Dunno, he doesn’t like to talk about himself and we’ve only spoken twice… once when I couldn’t fall asleep and earlier in the car because you wanted both of us to help you…. How’d you even find out about us?” He looks at Marc while sitting down again and now it was his turn to shrug. “I found all these things that didn’t belong to me or that I didn’t write down and I didn’t want to ignore them anymore, it was scary but I wanted to know what’s going on” he nods proudly and Steven smiles at him widely “well I’m pretty happy that you decided to take a look mate”
“So.. you said you couldn’t fall asleep once and talked to Jake and now I couldn’t fall asleep either when-… wait am I even ‘inside’?” “Yup” Steven pops the p while nodding. “Okay so I can’t fall asleep either but Jake isn’t here why not?”
“I don’t know, jakes got more control over things, so maybe he’s just the one who went for a nap because he knows we’re not in danger” he shrugs “cause between us he’s quite the protective type.. but anyways” he says as he waves off and dismissively gets back up to tidy up the rest of the room “he might just be too shy to talk to you”
“Hm” Marc nods while looking at his hands with a frown. He’d had a lot of things to process and think about, none of this truly turned out to be what he wanted it to be but at the same time… there isn’t really any other option he would’ve preferred either, all of this was just… “am I crazy?” He suddenly asked, barely above a whisper and Steven turned around to him again and shook his head “no ma-“
“We are not crazy.” He suddenly heard behind him, slow and almost angry and it made a shudder run down his spine. Despite that he felt calm. Comfortable. Safe. Happy.