Chapter Text
“Did you hear about that guy that stopped a bank robbery the other night?”
“Where?”
“It was that bank that’s always being robbed, by that one McDonald’s, you know the one–”
“The one where Inumaki puked all over the floor of the men’s room?”
“Yeah!”
“Why do people keep trying to rob that bank?”
“Who knows–but yeah! Some guy in a costume.”
“Are you fucking kidding?”
“No, bro. For real. Fucking beat the shit out of those guys, then dropped them off at the police station.”
“Fuck off.”
“I’m being serious!” Yuji threw his arms in the air. “A real life superhero, bro!”
Megumi scoffed, “Sure. Next you’re gonna tell me he’s part of the Avengers. I told you to stop thinking movies are real.”
“Bro, come on,” Yuji swung his backpack around and began rummaging through it, “I know it’s in here somewhere…” They stopped walking. Yuji dropped his backpack on the floor, pulling out crumpled up papers and expired bottles of protein shakes. “There!” He yanked his phone out of the front pocket.
“Why didn’t you just look there first?” Megumi asked. Yuji, ignoring the question, began quickly typing something into his phone.
“Look! I wasn’t fucking around!” He shoved the screen in Megumi’s face, showcasing an article entitled “Wannabe Superhero DESTROYS Would Be MILLIONAIRES!!!!”
“This is obviously from one of those shitty yellow-journalism-esque sources. Y’know, the same ones printing those ‘GOJO SATORU DATING KNOWN CRIMINAL???’ articles.” Megumi pushed the phone away, “not real,” he said. Megumi started collecting the trash on the ground, forgotten by Yuji as Yuji began searching for a different article on his phone.
“Okay…what about this? From the school newspaper–”
“Again, a credible source .” Megumi said, returning to Yuji’s side after disposing of the trash. “You’re welcome, by the way. You shouldn’t leave protein shit in your backpack, you already smell bad enough.”
“EXCUSE ME, I–”
“Let’s go, we’re gonna be late.” Megumi began walking further down the hall, Yuji struggling to keep up as he argued that his personal hygiene is fine, thank you!
“Took you idiots long enough, y’know Professor Nanami, like, hates tardiness.” Nobara said as Megumi and Yuji took their seats beside her.
“Whatever, he loves me!” Yuji said.
“Only because you kiss his ass.” Megumi replied.
“I do NOT–oh! There he is!” He pointed towards the front of class as Nanami shrugged off his coat. “Hi Professor Nanamin!”
“Itadori, I have asked you not to call me that on many occasions.” Nanami replied, in his typical monotone voice.
“Yeah, sure does love you, Idiotdori.” Nobara stage-whispered.
“Shut up, Idiotbara.” Yuji whispered back.
“That doesn’t even work with my name, stupid.”
“Don’t care, asshole.”
“Bitch.”
“Ugly.”
“Can both of you shut up?” Megumi asked. Yuji and Nobara, ignoring him, continued to argue, getting progressively louder until Nanami turned his cold gaze on them.
“Itadori. Kugisaki. If you two would like to continue your conversation, you are more than welcome to leave this lecture hall. Otherwise, please show some respect to your classmates and be quiet.”
“Yes, sir.” They replied in unison, ducking their heads. Nobara kicked Yuji under the table, but before Yuji could react, Megumi placed a hand over his mouth–giving the man a look hostile enough to kill.
“Alright, if everyone is prepared,” Nanami casted another glance towards the disruptive group, watching as Megumi wiped his hand down the front of Yuji’s shirt while Nobara failed to contain a loud snort, “Ugh. Let’s begin.”
“You can’t just lick people!” Megumi shouted as they left the science building.
“Whatever. You totally liked it, Gumi.” Yuji said. He smirked at Nobara, who rolled her eyes.
“Gay people.” Nobara said. Megumi’s ears turned bright red, but he said nothing.
“Oh, that’s today,” Yuji said, checking his phone, “Sorry, I can’t go to the library with you guys. One of my teammates asked if I would go to the gym with him–needs help with his deadlift form or something.”
“You seriously fell for that?” Nobara asked at the same time Megumi asked “Just the two of you?” They looked at each other, then Yuji, who gave them both a confused look.
“Fell for what? Yes, just the two of us. Why?”
“No reason.” Megumi and Nobara said in sync.
“Oookay,” Yuji glanced at his phone, “Shit–yeah, he’s probably already waiting, see you guys!” Yuji waved as he ran towards the gym on campus.
“Could you have made it more obvious, Idiotgumi?” Nobara pinched Megumi’s arm. Megumi pushed her hand away.
“What are you talking about? Is that your new thing? Idiot-blank? Not very creative.” She pinched him again.
“‘Just the two of you?’” Nobara mimed Megumi, including fake tears and a trembling limp.
“I did not start crying!”
“I feel like you did–”
“Huh?!”
“You want him to lick you, don’t you? Be a gentleman, Megumi Fushiguro! Despicable!” Nobara gagged.
“I never said that!” Megumi said.
“Your ears tell all.” She grabbed his ear, “They turned bright red. Just tell him, already!”
“Tell him what?”
“Stop playing dumb.” Nobara pulled her phone out and began typing.
“I’m not playing dumb. We’re friends.” Megumi said.
“Friends…yeah…” Nobara continued typing, “I’ve gotta go too. Maki is requesting my presence in her bedroom.”
“Gross.”
“Shut up, virgin. See you tomorrow.” She walked off, still staring at her phone.
“I’m not even–whatever.” Megumi turned and began walking home.
It was dark by the time Megumi finished his schoolwork. He pushed back from his desk and stretched before getting up to check the kitchen for food. The apartment felt empty with Gojo gone–physically empty too, the table cleared of his work papers, the couch untouched by the dirty clothes Gojo would leave strewn about, and the refrigerator empty of food. Megumi sighed, and checked the time on his phone: 12:10 a.m. He sighed again. The only place within a mile radius that would be open this late would be puke-bathroom McDonalds. Megumi threw on one of the sweatshirts Yuji had left hung up the last time he had been over. It’s just convenient, Megumi thought, no other reason. He quickly slid on his sneakers, grabbed his house keys, then began the short walk.
Megumi had to pass the bank Yuji mentioned earlier on his way, and as he got closer, he noticed one of the windows was boarded up. Maybe that idiot wasn’t joking . The ATM in front looked tampered with, like someone tried to rip it out of the wall, and there was evidence of some sort of altercation–there were droplets of blood near the broken window. Weird. Megumi stopped to look closer at the ATM, was that…
“Hey!”
Megumi flinched, and turned toward the voice. Three men emerged from the alley next to the building.
“We knew you’d show up. Didn’t wanna wear a costume this time, huh?” The man speaking–a tall, hulking man with a large scar across his nose–glared at Megumi. “You really fucked up our friends, you know.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Megumi asked.
“Don’t play stupid. You admiring your handiwork, spider-bitch?” The man continued to walk closer to Megumi.
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t mean to offend!” The man smirked, putting his hands up, “Honestly didn’t expect you to be so…geeky.” All three men laughed.
“Look, man, I’m just trying to get some food,” Megumi pointed towards the McDonalds, “Noticed this place looked messed up. That’s all.”
“Wrong place, wrong time, huh?” The man with the scar asked. Megumi nodded. “Hm, that’s too bad! Too bad! Right, guys?” The man kept walking closer to Megumi.
“That sweater looks familiar, don’t it?” One of the other men said.
“It does.” The man with the scar smirked again, “Didn’t think we’d notice, huh? You were wearing that while dropping our buddies off at the pig station. Got a little chilly after ruining three lives?”
“Ruining–you were robbing a bank!” Megumi exclaimed. Fuck.
“He admits it!” They laughed again. Megumi realized he had been trapped, his back flat against the wall of the bank, the three men steadily walking closer. What the hell are they even talking about? Megumi thought, this is Yuji’s sweater! He looked around, but the streets were completely empty. The only light was coming from the moon, but that had been mostly blocked by the building Megumi was now trapped against.
“I honestly don’t know what you're talking about, but–obviously, you guys lost. What's the point now? Shouldn’t you be focusing on not committing crimes?” Why would you say that? They’re definitely gonna kick my ass now! Megumi grimaced.
“Oh, sure! He’s right, isn’t he?” The man with the scar said, looking at the other two. They nodded. “Maybe we made a mistake!”
“Yeah, I’m just a hungry college student!” Megumi put his hands up, “wrong place, wrong time,” Megumi reasoned.
“Or…maybe we didn’t!” The men laughed. The man with the scar put his hand on the wall beside Megumi’s head, leaning in close to Megumi’s face, “Remember this the next time you wanna play superheroes.” He grabbed Megumi’s head with both hands, smacking it into the wall behind him. Megumi fell forward as the man with the scar shoved his knee into Megumi’s stomach. The other two men began pummeling Megumi, one hitting him in the right kidney, the other punching him in the nose. Megumi could barely even react–couldn’t even catch his breath; the men were relentless. Megumi could taste blood in his mouth as he laid on the sidewalk, the men taking turns kicking him in the face and stomach. He curled up in the fetal position, am I seriously going to die within walking distance of a McDonalds? He coughed, crimson coloring the sleeves of the yellow sweater he was wearing. Yuji’s gonna be disappointed, I ruined his favorite sweater.
“What the fuck is going on?” The men turned to see a figure running towards them. Megumi looked up. The figure was dressed in a black latex suit–the pattern was indiscernible from Megumi’s angle–and they were wearing a tight fitting mask. No fucking way. “Your beef is with me, you fucking idiots. This is why I kicked your dumbass friend's asses a week ago! You guys suck! God–Leave him alone!” The figure shot something from his wrist, pulling himself into the air. He kicked two of the men in the face as he swung over. He landed between Megumi and the man with the scar.
“He showed up!” The man laughed. “Guess we got confused!”
“Confused, my ass.” The figure punched the man in the nose, then kicked the man’s legs out from under him, smacking his head on the sidewalk as he fell. The other two men had barely recovered from their head wounds, but they hastened to their feet and picked up the man with the scar. That voice…
“Fuck you! We won’t forget this!” One of the men said as they dragged the unconscious man off into the alley.
“Yeah, whatever.” The figure watched the men go, or, at least Megumi assumed that’s what they were doing–he couldn’t see the person’s eyes. Once they were out of sight, the figure knelt down and stroked Megumi’s head, saying in a hushed voice, “You okay?”
“Hungry…” Megumi groaned, then passed out.