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He wasn’t supposed to have feelings like this.
To want like this.
It wasn’t as if he was naive to such feelings, they just never held much value over other pursuits. Think about it. Time is money, relationships cost time. Why waste so much time in someone else that couldn’t give him more of what he wanted?
What he valued.
If anything asked more of him than what he gained, there was no point in wasting time with it. He was happier being left to his own devices anyway, and watching all the drama Asmo went through with trails of broken hearts day in and day out of love unrequited was enough to turn him off from the idea entirely.
Just thinking about it was enough to annoy him.
And for it to happen toward a human?
At first he wanted to blame it on the pact. Blame it on the bond it formed, but he knew it wasn’t so simple. Forced or voluntary, pacts didn’t work like that. Sure, a demon might become fond of their master but it wasn’t a guarantee. Usually the human was favorable in some way to gain such a relationship with a demon.
But he didn’t even have that.
He wanted to resent you, and for a while he did. You were a burden, someone he had to watch over and protect on Lucifer’s orders. Then you forced him into a pact with Levi’s help, and became an even bigger thorn in his side.
Then you…
You became… so much more.
He hadn’t even seen it coming.
It just… hit him one day and he couldn’t stop seeing it anymore.
The way you lit up whenever he gave you a gift, even if it was something of an afterthought or he tried to downplay it. Or how much effort you put into getting to know him and his brothers, even if sometimes they cause you more grief. Even the way you showed kindness and patience with the angels, humoring Luke whenever he was excited about something or showing Simeon yet again how to use the settings on his D.D.D.
So many things about you began collecting in his mind, becoming more valuable than he ever could’ve imagined.
“Careful, you’re almost drooling.”
Asmo snapped him out of his thoughts, snickering beside him while you and Satan cleared the table.
“Did you not get enough to eat, Mammon?” You asked, concerned for a moment then turning to scold Beel. “I told you there’s more in the kitchen. I made extra, but you were supposed to wait for everyone to have a serving at the table first.”
“I thought I had…” Beel said, shifting uncomfortably on Mammon’s right. “Sorry, did you need more? I didn’t mean to eat it all.”
“Huh?” He blinked, then shook his head quickly. “O-Oh, no it’s fine I was uh, I was just thinking is all.”
“That’s never a good sign.”
“Shaddup, Levi.”
Satan chuckled but seemed to hold his tongue, nodding for you to follow him into the kitchen. Just as your back disappeared through the doorway, Asmo leaned into him.
“Let me guess. You’re thinking about your little crush on the human again.”
He spluttered into his glass of Demonus, shooting him a glare. “I dunno what you mean. I don’t got a crush.”
“Dude, even I can see you have a crush.”
“Oh come off it, you want ‘em too!”
Levi balked, his face reddening. “I do not! Don’t lump me in with you normies just because you’re too dumb to see what’s happening!”
“Mammon’s too dumb to see a lot of things,” Belphie said, resting his elbows on the table with his chin in his hands, “like the fact he just confessed to having the crush.”
Mammon’s face heated, “When did I ever say that?”
Asmo leaned back in his seat, thinking. “Oh!” He beamed at Belphie, “He said too! Too means he has feelings!”
Fuck.
Did he say that?
Belphie nodded and closed his eyes with a smile, “It’s any wonder they have no idea, you’d think they’d be able to see it by now.”
“Maybe they don’t want to see it.” Levi sneered at Mammon, “Best way to avoid interaction you don’t want is to pretend you’re AFK.”
“The fuck does that mean?”
“Oh true I hadn’t thought of that,” Asmo said, cupping his cheek. “Oh the poor dear, it must be so awkward.”
“Awkward? What’s so awkward—“
“I think they might like him back,” Beel said, finishing the last bit of bread off his plate. “Or at least they like something about him.”
“Yes, but do they like him like him?”
“I can’t see why they would.”
He held his tongue, not trusting himself to speak or slip up again.
“FR, if they were going to choose someone why not pick Lucifer or Satan? Why Mammon?”
He grit his teeth, and Asmo laughed.
“I’m hurt I wasn’t one of those options, but maybe I just haven’t tried hard enough.” He sighed wistfully, “Truly, they do make me feel things I haven’t felt before. Imagine that. Me? Trying?” He laughed again and shook his head, “They’re something else.”
“They make me happy,” Beel said, smiling down at his empty plate. “It’s sort of like I didn’t know I was so hungry until they fed me.”
“But you’re always hungry, Beel.” Belphie said, a knowing light in his eyes despite the smirk.
Still, a faint blush touched Beel’s cheeks and he nodded with a sheepish smile, “It’s just different with them.”
“They are the first time I felt like I wasn’t so uncomfortable with 3D…” Levi murmured softly, and Asmo sighed again.
“Even so, we have to be careful you know.”
This conversation was getting hard to keep track of, and he didn’t like where it was going.
“We? Why we?”
Asmo’s amber eyes locked with his, the edges of his enchanting charm prickling in the back of his mind.
“Because not all humans are as openminded and free as demons.”
“Funny,” Belphie mused, “I’m sure many of them would consider us enslaved to the whims of debauchery.”
“Yeah, yeah our powers are sins to man yada yada,” Mammon waved off, not breaking eye contact with Asmo, “Don’t tell me you’re tryin’ to turn this into a Devibees and Hellbirds kinda conversation.”
Asmo tittered and shook his head, “No, if you still need that sort of conversation please do not ask me for it. I was more referring to the simple sense of attraction humans have. So many of them overcomplicate it.”
“Ah, that’s true.” Belphie said, yawning a little. “Humans waste so much time for no reason…”
“And it doesn’t help that we’re demons,” Levi muttered, “I mean think about it. What human would trust one of us or even fall in l-“ his face flushed, “l-love? It’s like the most basic trope of a tragic romance subplot.”
“Yes but it’s romance.” Asmo said, starry-eyed, “Oh, just think of how bittersweet it could be!”
Levi cringed back and Mammon sighed, standing up.
“Look I dunno what you’re gettin’ at, but I don’t have feelings for the—“
“Beel?” You called, peering into the room. “I just pulled the pan out of the oven, did you want seconds or thirds?”
Beel was already up and headed toward you, a smile on his face and nothing but adoration in his eyes. When you vanished from view again, Asmo snickered.
“Mammon, it’s so obvious you like them. You clapped your hands over your mouth so fast.”
“Shut up!” he growled, lowering his hands. “Quit actin’ like you’re above me. You want them too.”
“Ah yes, I do.” Asmo sighed and looked out to the doorway longingly, “If only I could tell they want me back, ugh just the thought of how much fun we could have together…”
“Assuming they don’t run screaming because a demon wants to eat them.”
Asmo licked his lips and gave Levi a smile, “I didn’t say I wouldn’t eat them, and I most certainly hope they’d scream.”
“Ah gross!”
Belphie chuckled dryly, “For all you know, they’re just being friendly. Humans believe in all kinds of things. They may treat us as friends, but who’s to say they don’t see us as monsters? Maybe they still have some fear, fear they don’t even realize deep down.”
Mammon bit the tip of his tongue, and Levi not-so-subtly pulled out his D.D.D. to open up a Ruri-chan spinoff game.
“Well then, ah,” Asmo sat back in his seat and clasped his hands together, looking up at Mammon. “You’ll have to be the one to test this for us.”
“What?! Why me?”
“Because if you strike out and they don’t run off screaming, then we know we have a chance.”
“If you want ‘em so bad why don’t you do it?”
Asmo scoffed, “Oh please. Me? Being rejected? Oh no, that just simply will not happen.”
“Yeah and if I do it I’m basically guaranteed to get rejected.” Levi said, holding his D.D.D. in both hands and tapping furiously on the screen, “There’s no way they’d say yes to a gross otaku, but if I knew me being a demon was part of it too that might actually make me feel better.”
“Not to mention if they reject Mammon and pick you, imagine how great that would feel.”
“Quit actin’ like it’s already decided they’d reject me, Belphie!” Mammon snapped, only to receive a snide grin from his little brother.
“Oh? So you’re confident they wouldn’t now? Oh wow look at you go.”
Mammon’s face heated again, but before he could think of any sort of comeback, Asmo clapped his hands together.
“Alright, let’s come up with a plan that gives Mammon some chance without going too far that he might accidentally pull it off and steal the human’s heart for himself. Any ideas?”
“Now wait just a second—“
And that was it.
They carried on with their schemes, hardly paying his protests any mind save for the opportunity to poke fun at him. Before he knew it, it was decided that he’d try to make his feelings known during movie night tonight. Lucky for him and much to Levi’s annoyance, movies with you was something the two of you did together often, so the offer wouldn’t seem so suspicious.
Unlucky for him, Belphie had the bright idea of suggesting a scary movie since ‘he could offer to protect you and wouldn’t that just be so sweet?’ knowing full well that’s not what would happen.
Because you wouldn’t get scared at some dumb movie.
A-And…
Neither would he.
The feelings stirring inside him when he walked to your room with the movie in hand felt similar to fear, but they lingered. It wasn’t the fast jolt in his blood at a sudden scare, but rather a steady stirring in his stomach that fluttered and danced with every step.
It was strange. Not giddy, but not afraid either.
Somewhere in between.
Not quite like what he felt when walking into a casino, but close…
When you opened the door a brief spark stopped his heart, and he tried his best to keep an easy smile.
“Hey, you uh, wanna watch a movie with me tonight?”
Your eyes drifted down to the case, considering for a moment.
“Sure,” You said with a smile, stepping aside to invite him in, “I can put off homework for one more night.”
He laughed, latching onto something relatable without a second thought. Seductive Speechcraft something something, find out what they like blah blah…
“How’d you know I was slacking off?”
“Because homework sucks and I’m fun.” You teased, shutting the door and walking into your room to set up the projection device.
He still remembered the first time you saw it, apparently the ones you had on earth worked a little different. Here the disk was set in a small box with a crystal set on top. Once the device was activated using a demon’s mana, the crystal would read the disk and display imagery in the air above, creating three-dimensional projections to immerse the viewer in the film.
So it wasn’t his fault that he’d get invested sometimes. Not all the time. Just sometimes. Sometimes the projections just worked really really well and made the characters seem real. Feel real.
Wasn’t he supposed to feel something? To care?
“What’s the movie called?” You asked, kneeling in front of the device and setting the disk in. You might not have control of mana in the same way, but you’d picked up a few spells. At your command, the crystal lit up and the device whirred to life while you scooted back to sit on the floor with your back against the bed.
“O-Oh it’s uh… I forgot.” He said, reaching over to take the pillows and a blanket off your bed, motioning for you to move so he could make it more comfortable. “Something about Ruri-chan and zombies or demons or zombie demons.”
“What?” you laughed, settling in again and fluffing out the blanket, patting it expectantly for him to sit beside you. “So is this a ‘we have to watch it or Levi will never let me in his room again because I won’t know the passwords’ type of movie?”
He blushed and sat down, crossing his legs and watching the opening credits dance in the air. “Something like that.”
“Got it.” you shifted again, adjusting the pillows and settling in. “I’ll pay close attention then.”
Maybe… maybe not close attention.
Pay attention to him too.
No.
Distraction was good. It’d make it easier for him to try and figure out just how exactly he was supposed to make a move. Levi and Asmo were full of unhelpful tips and suggestions, and Belphie mostly just said things that would definitely make him look like an idiot.
Still…
Something subtle.
Something simple.
What could he—
You shifted again and draped the blanket over your lap, “Scoot a little closer, it won’t reach that far.”
“A-Ah right, yeah.” He mumbled, moving closer and watching as you tossed the blanket’s edge over his lap.
Such a human gesture…
It didn’t take long for your warmth to reach him, tempting him with its gentle promise of more if he just moved a little closer.
A little closer…
“Eek!”
He stiffened, sitting up straight when you squealed.
“Oh no!! Azuki-tan’s a zombie?! Poor Ruri-chan!”
“Huh?” he looked at the projection just in time to see Azuki-tan leap after Ruri-chan. “Ack!” He flinched and bumped into you, “O-Oh, sorry I—“
“Nah, don’t worry about it.” You said with an easy smile, “It’s scary!”
He blushed, feeling that temptation for more rising in his chest.
“Y-Yeah… scary…”
You tilted your head, puzzled, but before you could question him he crossed his legs and held his ankles, focusing his attention on the movie.
Yeah, there was no way he’d make a move now. Or ever.
It was too risky. Even if Asmo was right and you had some interest, how was he supposed to know if it was real? Asmo could be lying for all he knew, either to mess with him or improve his own chances to have you. But Asmo wouldn’t do that…
Yes he would.
He grit his teeth, gripping his ankles tighter.
So what should he do? If he didn’t do something Asmo or the others might. It was bad enough he had to share you as a master, he didn’t—
“Are you ok—“
“I don’t want to share!” he blurted out, startled with the sudden touch on his leg.
“O-Oh uh… Okay,” You moved your hand back and gave him a sheepish smile, “Sorry I just thought something was wrong.”
Dammit that wasn’t supposed to come out—
“N-No, I’m fine!” He said, forcing a laugh and glancing at the projection.
“You sure? You’re acting… different. Usually you’re more… well… more reactive to these kinds of movies.”
He glanced at you through the corner of his eye, “What’s that s’posed to mean?”
You grinned, tilting your chin up at him and leaning closer. “You know exactly what it means.”
So close—
Any snappy comeback slipped from his mind just as soon as he tried to think of it, all he could focus on was the want of holding you close and knowing you wanted him too.
“Mammon?” you asked softly, lips so sweet as they said his name.
“Yeah?” he breathed out, unable to see anything else.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Your face is turning red.”
His face heated further and he tore his gaze away, hating how much he loved the way you laughed.
“Aw, c’mon it’s cute! Don’t hide it from me, I love how you blush.”
Love you.
“You do?” he asked, chancing a glance at you again.
“Mhm,” You nodded, “same with how I love watching movies with you. I never would’ve realized demons could be so expressive.”
Ah.
He sighed and slouched back against the bed, staring at the projection without seeing it.
Of course.
“Well I mean,” you added quickly, shifting to kneel facing him, “it’s just- like all the stories we have and stuff, plus when we met and you said you were going to eat me, and ah- crap, I made this awkward didn’t I?”
“I like when you say what’s on your mind,” he said honestly, “it’s one of my favorite things about you.”
Your breathing hitched and his heart stopped with it.
“One of…?”
Now it was your turn to show off a few shades of red.
“There’s… other things about me… that are your favorite?”
“Well yeah,” he said, “Like how you smile and greet everyone in the morning even if you’re tired, or you always try to make extra helpings for Beel whenever it’s your turn to cook.” Having you be the flustered one made talking easier, turning the attention off himself onto you, “Even the way you try and find the right detergent to do laundry and make sure Belphie’s sheets are scented in a way he likes… I dunno, there’s a lot to like about you.”
Your face warmed further, and he realized he might’ve said too much.
“B-But I…”
The look in your eyes… the way you looked up at him was something he longed to see, but he couldn’t place it. Admiration? Appreciation?
Desire?
“I…”
Backtracking was the easy way out. Always was, and always would be. If he backed out now, nothing would change.
Nothing lost.
Nothing gained.
“Mammon…” you whispered, calling to his very being without even knowing. Such a gentle caress, so warm and inviting. Comforting.
Loving.
“I…” He leaned in closer, his hand shaking as he reached up, afraid to touch your face. “I want to… I want to like so much more…”
“Mammon…” you said again, stronger this time. Would it be an order to push him away? Or ask him to stay?
“I can’t…” he whispered, “I can’t stop wanting…”
Wanting a human used to be blasphemy. Now it might be allowed but could still bring him nothing but pain.
And yet…
No.
He shouldn’t.
Couldn’t.
He moved to lean away, but you caught his wrist and touched his palm to your cheek, looking up into his eyes so earnestly.
In the way that only a human could. So easy to read. So easy to lose.
“I…”
“You look like you want to kiss me.” you murmured, keeping hold of his wrist just firm enough to discourage him from pulling back.
“Do I?” he asked, trying to play it off with an uneasy smile.
You nodded, “You want to know what one of my favorite things about you is?”
“Yes,” he answered easily. Yes, tell him. Tell him what he has that you desire.
You let your hand fall from his wrist and closed your eyes.
“When you want something, you take it.”
He sucked in a breath, fighting the initial reaction to pull away and pull you closer at the same time while you waited patiently, eyes still closed and chin tilted up.
That…
That wasn’t…
Was it?
He couldn’t keep his thumb steady, brushing across your chin experimentally to see if you might flinch or pull away.
Nothing but a small hint of a smile in response.
You…
You really…
He leaned in, holding his breath and giving the lightest of kisses he dared before pulling back.
“I…”
“Mammon,” you whispered, “I know you can do better than that.”
He laughed under his breath, “I can, but if I do I’ll want more…”
“Then take it.”
His heart stopped just as his lips touched yours again, the rush of emotions he’d been fighting for so long flooding to the surface and snapping the last few threads of his control. He wanted you. He wanted to kiss you so badly for so long. Did you have any idea how painful it was to watch you? Watch you become so fond of his brothers, and become such a cherished member of the family?
You reached up again, holding his arm and kissing him back, the hint of a smile returning and making it hard to breathe. So many thoughts rushed through his mind. So many wants. So many risks. So many—
“We’ll have to watch the movie some other time,” you murmured, running your fingers up his arm, “I’d rather focus on you.”
He smiled, gently holding your neck and stroking your jaw with his thumb, “Can’t take your eyes off of me, can ya?”
“Nope, never could.” you said with a little nip on his lip. “I guess I fell before I even realized it.”
“Me too,” he murmured, muffling your amusement with another kiss.
He’d fallen again.
But this time he got what he wanted.