Work Text:
In the cracks of light, I dreamed of you
It was real enough, to get me through
- Taylor Swift, evermore
Almost 20 years ago…
Rip fiddles with the box he’s been keeping in his pocket for the past three weeks. He’s come close to giving it to her every time they’re up on the damn roof, but usually he chickens out, or she distracts him by tilting her head and smiling at him coyly before stealing his mouth. Only Beth can make him forget his sense of practical logic - hell she makes him want to throw it out the window.
Things have been different since she told him she was leaving to go to school out of state. He knows there’s a chance she won’t come back for a long time and he’s torn between trying to tell her how he feels, knowing it’ll cause more harm than good, or whether he should just enjoy the moments they have left for what they are. But when it comes down to it, he doesn’t allow himself either. Instead, he places the black jewellery box that he saved up for three months to buy, in the cup holder in her car – the one where he knows she puts her coffee every morning before she runs away from the ranch, from her pain, from him.
There’s no note, but he’s the only man who’d buy her jewellery without worrying she’d kill him with her bare hands.
When he’s standing near the corral trying not to watch as she says goodbye to her father, he’ll miss the quick glance in his direction. Miss the drop of her head when she gets in the car and discovers the gift. He won’t know that she’ll wear the gold necklace carrying her initial every day until she next comes home, where it’ll then end up thrown into her bedside table drawer as the pain of the happiness she can feel with him is too much to bear. And then she runs away again.
Present day…
The first time Beth sees the necklace again, is when she’s so mad at her father for kicking Rip back to the bunkhouse that she’s riffling through her bedside drawer to find the list of other ranches he could go and work at that she’s had since she was 16. Back then she kept the list so that she could destroy any thing that threatened to take him away from her.
That feeling of ruin that’s haunted her since fear killed her mother is sat in her chest again, until the gold chain catches the rays of the setting sun and the glint catches her eye. She takes it into her hands, wrapping the small links around her fingers until the pendant is dangling above her palm. She can’t help but let out a small disbelieving smile as she sits down on the bed; of course she finds this when the man who gave it to her is being reduced to putting out hay for the horses.
For a moment, the golden hour brings her peace. And then it’s swiftly gone as she thinks of their earlier conversation – the one where his undying loyalty had never been truer and where his eyes had looked so beautiful she’d forced herself to turn away.
The pain surges back again as she thinks about what he can give her. Everything. If she’ll let him. His love for her pours out of his soul whenever they’re alone and it terrifies her. Maybe one day she’ll stop punishing herself, but for now it’s better for both of them if she just focuses on getting Kayce kicked out of Rip’s home.
Her hands quickly move to her neck and undo the silver chain she’s been wearing. It’s thrown on the bed before she moves to the bathroom mirror and puts on the golden pendant as a silent sign of her loyalty. Not that anyone aside from her and Rip will know; it’ll be her words that will make her father and little brother think about what they’re doing to the most faithful man on the ranch.
For now, the necklace sits above her heart and begins to thaw the ice that’s frozen the part that’s always belonged to Rip Wheeler. And just like that, she begins to give herself back to him. When she stands on the edge of the corral and tells him she’s sorry, he knows she’s coming back to him too.
She’s wearing the necklace after their night on the roof. After his lips moved over hers and made her so dizzy she wondered if she was going to make it down okay, she wants to feel like he’s close even when he’s not. He’s a man of his word and she wonders where he’s going to take her on that date – hopefully something that’ll involve making out for hours and sneaking around to find somewhere to fuck – because of course he’s still in the bunkhouse, and there’s no way he’ll take her in her bed if her father’s down the hall.
She’s thinking about him distractedly and wondering if she should go and surprise him when her eyes catch a glimpse of two masked men moving into the Schwartz & Meyer office late at night. He’s the only person she wants and the only person she knows can save her as she goes into survival mode.
She doesn’t know how long it lasts, but she sees Jason die and thinks, in the darkest moment, that she’s going to die too. Suddenly though, Rip’s there. She’s screaming and bloody and he takes at least one bullet as he saves her from both the men sent by the Beck brothers and from herself. She thought the gold against her chest anchored her to him, but when he pulls her face to his and tells her he loves her for the first time, she realises it has no weight in comparison to his words.
He holds her until she stops crying and then she realises he’s still bleeding. She’s never been more grateful to see her Daddy and brother because she’s in no fit state to fix him right now and tonight she’s given him a part of her that she can never get back. She sits behind him as he lies back on the sofa, holding his hand as their blood mixes amongst their fingers; inextricable just like their souls. She only lets go when the doctor has to take him to cauterize his wounds and she stays with him until he’s finally asleep in her bed and she’s been told he’s going to be fine.
With quivering hands, she finally forces herself to the bathroom where she strips off her clothes and realises the necklace she decided to wear is no longer shining brightly against her skin. It peaks out under the dried blood and it’s the quickest she’s moved since it all started, pulling it off and rushing to wash it clean under the faucet. Her tears mix with the bloody red water and it’s the only moment of weakness she’ll allow herself to have, before she places it on the side to dry and steps into the bath to cleanse her bruised and broken body.
She eventually gets into bed, but she can’t sleep and just stares at him. It’s a sick fallacy that they’ve both almost had to lose their lives for her to finally get him in her bed in the way she’d never fully allowed herself to accept she wanted. Thrown into the longest sleep, he won’t ever know that she’ll curl herself around him and allow herself to imagine what a life with him could be like. Just like this. Just the two of them, Rip and Beth, in their own world; where the Montana night softens like their bodies and for the darkest hours of the day they can be… them.
Lingering acts of self-sabotage will continue to get in the way. She doesn’t know where they stand – not that she’s ever allowed herself to know – but she knows that someday soon, she’ll wear the necklace and tell him she loves him too.
She doesn’t know what hurts more; her battered face or the slap of rejection when Rip leaves her bed and goes back to the bunkhouse. A few days later, she knows it’s the latter because it’s the one thing the painkillers can’t numb. She has to go into the office because they’re replacing the glass that her face got put through. So she puts the necklace on. Because it’ll give her a chance to hold onto that feeling he gave her when he pulled her face to his and told her, he loved her.
A cigarette in hand, she watches as they piece back together her office. She realises nothing is the same. She’s never needed anyone before in her life. But she needs him now.
She plays with the pendant around her neck.
What terrifies her more, is that she wants it.
Everyone aside from Rip and Jamie are up at summer camp and Beth has no desire to ruin what could be a perfectly good evening by having to look at her fucking idiot brother. She thinks about the man who’s become her father’s son; who’s earned the right to think of himself that way. He cares more about that than anything material.
Beth’s tired of them pussyfooting around each other; this isn’t them. He had no idea at the time, but when she took him up to the cabin and told him her father was giving it to him, she gave him more of her heart too. So she’s found a little summer dress that she knows makes her look incredible - although she doesn’t plan to be in it long. The necklace is there on her dresser, where it now always is if she’s not wearing it and she carefully puts it on, knowing it’s going to be the only thing she wears when he fucks her.
When he opens the door, the look on his face tells her she’s made all the right choices. His eyes linger on her chest when the whiskey trickles down and he’s drinking her in with the thirst of a black bear. She offers to pour him another shot, but she’s barely looked up before he’s grabbing her and pulling her dress strap down as his lips steal hers.
They’re both ravenous for each other, the bottle of whiskey swiftly forgotten as their mouths take and take. Their kiss is hot and wet and deep until he pulls back and begins to move his lips down her neck and the feel of his tongue sends her eyes rolling to the back of her head. She breathes out his name, clutching her fingers through his hair as he makes quick work of the whiskey staining her skin. He nibbles and licks, pulling her other strap down until his eyes open and he’s staring at that damn present he bought her when she was 18.
A moment passes.
He’s remembering for a second just how much he loved her, even back then. But as quick as it’s come, it goes and then it’s over and he’s devouring her as she tries to rid him of his clothes. Like a practiced routine, they fall from their bodies and leave a path to the couch where they become a tangled mess of limbs. There are no words aside from the groan of each other’s name and an exchange of heaving breath. She’s wanted him all day, planned this, and she’s taking as much as he’s giving. It’s hard and fast, full of animalistic lust between two people who’ve been walking a tightrope for too long. But she’s generous to him too when through a knot of moans, she takes control and rides them both to release.
They’re gasping for breath, clinging onto each other’s sweaty skin when she feels his lips against her forehead. They both grin, a small laugh leaving her mouth as he murmurs something about needing to christen every piece of furniture. Their mouths mesh together, softer this time as her fingers trace the crow’s feet next to his eye that seem to be getting deeper every time she looks at him. His hands explore too, because this is the first time in god knows how long that she hasn’t run as soon as she’s got what she wanted from him. He’s memorising with his touch in case this is all she’s going to give him for however much longer.
Eventually he encourages her upstairs and she grabs the whiskey to take with them, sashaying her hips with every step up the stairs. She takes a swig from the bottle and passes it to him, giving him that look from under her lashes that he knows means they’re going to be up fucking all night. He puts the bottle down and his hands find her waist at that delicious point where her hips curve in, before they’re falling back onto the bed and making out like teenagers.
He’s ready to go again and she’s always ready for him, but this time it’s slower, tender. It seems to last forever and yet still not long enough. As the rest of the ranch sleeps, two lovers finally give in and take all that they can and more. She kisses him silly as they come undone, trying to make it last as long as possible before she rolls off him and collapses on his side of the bed. He doesn’t have the energy to fight her for it, so he lets her win again and rolls onto his side so that he can just look at her.
He brushes her tangled mess of hair back from her face and his hand runs down her cheek and cups her jaw before it settles on the familiar gold B. She knows what he’s thinking and brings her hand to rest over his.
“You kept it?”
She bites her lip slightly and nods into the pillow silently. Her eyes tell him everything.
“It looks good on you.” The murmur sends a shiver through her body and she arches up to kiss him. “Looks even better when you’re in my bed not wearin’ anythin’ else.”
She laughs and pushes her lips onto his again. This is everything she’s stopped herself from having. That perverse need to punish herself always tries to bubble its way to the surface, but just being with Rip tonight creates a new layer of belief in her self-worth that stops it going anywhere. She knows she said she doesn’t do any of that hippie shit, and saying those words after giving your body to someone is cliché, but right now, she doesn’t care.
He can see the wheels turning in her head and he’s worried she’s going to run again when he’s only just starting to get her back. He’s almost too scared to ask, but his trust in her pushes him through the fear.
“What is it, Beth?”
She sighs, her hand moving to stroke his beard. This is really how she’s going to say it; naked after he’s fucked her into oblivion. No, she’s fucked Rip before, but tonight was different. More.
“I love you, Rip.”
He doesn’t smile like she thought he might. But then, he’s never been a man that’s felt the joy of finally getting something they’ve wanted for so long until just recently and emotions don’t come easy. She knows how he feels. So he pulls her close and kisses her in a way she’s never been kissed before. They won’t know it, but from this point forward everything has changed. They’ll shower at some point and she’ll take the necklace off, and when she wakes up and hears him cooking breakfast for her in the kitchen, she’ll forget to put it back on because she’s too focused on him. But she doesn’t need it now; doesn’t need the gravity that it used to give her to pull her back to Rip Wheeler. Because she has him. And now, he has her.
The next time she wears it, she’s asking for permission for them to no longer be a you, and an I. They become an us.