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“Director,” Zhongli cleared his throat, “Childe’s birthday is tomorrow. I cannot seem to figure out what to get him as a gift. It is usually him procuring all the gifts for me.” Zhongli pursed his lips and stared at Hu Tao, hoping he wouldn’t regret asking her for help, “Do you have any suggestions?”
Hu Tao smiled, and Zhongli was all too familiar with that smile; it’s the same smile she always has when she is about to ’enlighten him’ with one of her asinine marketing schemes. He was about to tell her “nevermind” — already regretting his decision to ask her — but she responded quicker than he could get the words out.
“Butt cake.” Hu Tao said straightly.
“I beg your pardon? Butt cake?”
“Yes — butt cake. A cake in the shape of your butt.” Hu Tao couldn’t keep a straight face anymore at this point, so she burst out laughing, doubling over in a fit of laughter.
Zhongli ran his hand down his face and looked at Hu Tao, exasperated.
“Thank you for your input , Director. With your permission, I’d like to take an early leave today to peruse the markets since I am still in need of a gift for Childe.”
“Hahaha, sure,” Hu Tao said between laughs, “don’t forget to get ingredients for the butt cake!” She called out to Zhongli as he was already halfway out the door.
A butt cake… would Childe like that? Zhongli wondered to himself. Perhaps he could give it a try. After all, Childe is always going on about how fond he is of Zhongli’s behind, what with his incessant grabbing at it. Zhongli’s cheeks pinked at the thought, and his mind briefly strayed away from the task at hand.
He was deep in thought over the matter of Childe’s gift — amongst other things — and wasn’t really paying too much attention to where he was walking, so he didn’t see that he was about to bump into someone.
“Hey! Watch where you’re walking!” Someone exclaimed.
“Oh, Zhongli? What are you doing out and about?”
Zhongli recognized that voice anywhere.
Ah. The traveler. Zhongli hasn’t seen them in a while. The last he heard, they were causing quite the stir in Inazuma. Perhaps he could invite them to chat and take the opportunity to ask for their advice on the matter of Childe’s birthday gift.
“Hello, traveler. How have you been? Would you care to chat with me over some tea? I am sure you have many interesting things to share about your recent journey.”
“And I could use your advice.” Zhongli added.
The traveler and Paimon exchanged glances, and Zhongli could faintly hear Paimon’s hushed whispers about “using all our mora” and “what about Paimon’s food?!”
“Do not worry, in exchange for your advice, I can foot the tea bill,” he chuckled.
“Don’t you mean Wangsheng will foot the tea bill?” Paimon squeaked sarcastically, “You never have any mora!! Don’t you remember-“
“Calm down, Paimon. I never thought you were one to give up free food? Unless you wanted to pay?” The traveler placed their hands on their hips, glanced at Paimon, and laughed as Paimon stuttered while folding her arms and looking away.
The traveler returned their gaze back to Zhongli. “Hm… alright, I’ll take you up on that offer, Zhongli. I think I have time to spare. Besides, I’m curious to know what you would need advice on.”
“Yeah! Paimon wants to know too!” Paimon chimed in.
“Then, let us meet at Heyu Teahouse later this evening. I believe Ms. Yun will also be putting on a new play of hers tonight. In the meantime, I have other matters to attend to, and I trust you do as well.”
The traveler nodded, and said something about “getting their daily commissions out of the way” before vanishing into thin air. The aspect of their ability to just disappear and suddenly reappear thousands of meters away was always something that astonished Zhongli; maybe he will ask them about it over their tea later.
As soon as the traveler was gone, Zhongli made his way to the wharf, where his first stop was located: Wanyu Boutique. The shop owner, Bolai, is known to have the most exclusive inventory of Liyue’s flora — the closest to fresh and authentic you can get other than plucking it yourself from Liyue’s landscape.
Zhongli waved cordially to Bolai as he approached his stall, and Bolai enthusiastically waved back at him.
“Ah, Zhongli! Here for more flowers for an upcoming ceremony?” Bolai said excitedly. Anytime Zhongli comes to his stall, the man ends up spending a sizable sum of mora, much to Bolai’s content.
“I am here to buy flowers, but this time it is for a celebration. What type of arrangement would you recommend for a birthday gift?” Zhongli asked as his eyes flicked around the numerous assortments displayed on the stall’s shelves.
“A birthday? I think that’s the first I’ve seen you come around here with that type of reason. Is it for someone special? If that’s the case, I personally think this hand picked assortment of glaze lilies and qingxin would be perfect. I can also add some nice touches for an additional cost.” Bolai motioned towards a grand assortment of what Zhongli thought were the most beautiful pickings of glaze lilies and qingxin he’s seen in a while.
“And what would the nice touches be?” Zhongli asked, his interest piqued.
“I can nestle some starconches between the flowers and drape beads made of the finest noctilucous jade and cor lapis that your mora could get you over the pot. The blue of the noctilucous jade really brings out the light shades of blue that make up the glaze lilies.” And to showcase his sale, Bolai placed a couple starconches between the flowers and draped the beads made of noctilucous jade and cor lapis over the pot, the sun glistening brilliantly off the beads.
He handed the pot to Zhongli, and Zhongli inspected it closely with well trained eyes. The noctilucous jade did appear to be of outstanding quality, the cor lapis equally same with the way it shined golden against the sun. The starconches were a subtle touch and one Zhongli was sure Childe would appreciate.
Zhongli reminisced on their few trips to the beach and how Childe would always collect starconches to give him later. He would say that each one had a special message from the sea if he would listen closely, and when Zhongli placed those starconches against his ear, Childe would whisper sweet nothings against his other ear. Those outings were some of his favorite moments with the harbinger.
Zhongli looked up at Bolai, “How much would this arrangement be?”
“Well, typically 600,000 mora due to the quality of the materials in it. But, for you… I can sell this to you for 560,000 mora.”
Zhongli weighed the cost in his head, but there was no amount of mora in this world that would make seeing the smile on Childe’s face not worthwhile.
“I will take it, then. Please bill the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor for the costs.”
“Of course, right away! Thank you for your business as always, Mr. Zhongli!”
Zhongli signed off on the receipt and made arrangements to have the floral assortment picked up early tomorrow morning. He bid farewell to Bolai and made his way to Heyu Teahouse to meet with the traveler and enjoy Ms. Yun’s newest play.
Zhongli nodded respectfully towards the stage performers as they exited the stage and gave a warm smile to Ms. Yun as she walked off last. A delightful play indeed. He turned his attention towards the traveler, who was nursing their cup of horsetail and lavender tea, seemingly lost in their own world.
“So, traveler, how have you been? How was your time in Inazuma?” Zhongli asked, taking a sip of his own tea: an herbal tea with subtle hints of fruitiness from the sunsettia the tea leaves were brewed with.
“Fine. Nothing too notable, in my opinion.”
Zhongli laughed at that. “I wonder what would be considered notable to you, given your feats.”
“Yeah, you’ve done it all. The traveler is the strongest in all of Teyvat!” Paimon squeaked excitedly, flying around the traveler.
“Haha, thanks Paimon.” The traveler gazed steadily at Zhongli, propping up their arms on the table and resting their chin on their hands. “Now, Zhongli, what is it that you need advice on? I’m — we — are curious.”
Paimon suddenly stopped flying around and turned her full attention to Zhongli.
“It’s Childe’s birthday tomorrow, and I don’t know what to get him other than flowers. It has been awhile since the last time I celebrated anything, let alone the birthday of a mortal. Director Hu suggested a butt cake — namely in the shape of, er, my behind.” And Zhongli sighed at the thought.
“A BUTT CAKE?” The traveler exclaimed before bursting out laughing, with Paimon’s squealing laughter echoing, “For Childe’s birthday, Hu Tao recommended you make a cake in the shape of your butt for him?”
The traveler paused and looked at Zhongli with a serious expression.
“Wait, actually… that might not be a bad idea now that I think about it. I think Childe would thoroughly enjoy a cake modeled after your butt for his birthday.”
Paimon was laughing so much that she collapsed in the arms of the traveler.
Zhongli looked flabbergasted. He wasn’t prepared for the traveler to agree with Director Hu’s suggestion.
“I did not expect you to agree with that suggestion, traveler, but I trust your judgement.” Zhongli pinched the bridge of his nose and he could feel his cheeks heating up from embarrassment. “I am unsure where I should even begin. I’ve never attempted baking before and how does one make a butt cake?”
“It’s pretty easy, actually — making the cake itself I mean. I have a recipe for a carrot cake that I’d be more than happy to show you how to make?” The traveler suggested.
~
Zhongli and the traveler spent the rest of the evening in the traveler’s Serenitea Pot attempting to perfect a carrot cake so that Zhongli would be prepared for tomorrow. It took all night, several unplanned explosions, and several cakes that came out harder than rock, before Zhongli was able to make a carrot cake that not only tasted decent, but looked good as well.
Zhongli nodded in content as he took a bite of the carrot cake, chewing on it slowly to make sure the texture and all the flavors were to his satisfaction. “This will do. Thank you, traveler.”
The traveler was slumped against their kitchen counter, exhausted. “You’re welcome, Zhongli,” the traveler took a long and deep breath, “but archons above, I’ve never seen someone be so bad at something.”
“Well, each person has their strengths and weaknesses, and it appears baking is my weakness.” Zhongli said levelly.
“Weakness is an understatement.” The traveler murmured under their breath.
Paimon was passed out on the counter, uttering “no more cake, no more rock cake” over and over due to being the unfortunate soul selected to be the taste tester for the evening. The traveler picked her up and laid her on the couch so they and Zhongli could clean their mess. Though, at this point, the traveler would be better off building an entirely new kitchen.
Zhongli helped to clean the kitchen — an arduous task — before leaving back to his and Childe’s apartment to sleep.
That night Zhongli dreamt of the rocks littering Guyun Stone Forest being made entirely of rock-like carrot cake; he did not sleep well.
Despite his lack of sleep, Zhongli still woke up before the sunrise could greet him through the windows, excited and a bit nervous about preparing Childe’s birthday surprise. Childe was due to come back from his work assignment in Fontaine later this afternoon, so Zhongli had adequate time to prepare his birthday surprise for him.
After Zhongli got dressed and ready for the day, he set out to get the first matter of business done: cake ingredients.
On the way to the market, he recounted what the traveler told him he would need: eggs, flour, sugar, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, salt, carrots, and baking soda. He requested the market owner to sell him only the finest and top quality grade of each ingredient. Needless to say, Zhongli (or rather, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor) spared no expense.
He carried the bagged ingredients in one hand as he walked to the wharf to pick up the floral assortment from Bolai. While he was walking through the harbor, he saw something flash in the corner of his eye that caught his attention. He looked around for the source until his eyes landed on a crystallized object sitting at a merchant stall.
Curiosity got the better of him and he made his way over to the stall. The stall had no other patrons, which Zhongli found to be quite odd considering the morning was the busiest part of the day for the harbor and that the other surrounding stalls were bustling with activity.
When he reached the stall, he saw that the crystallized object was the only thing being sold there. Odd that this merchant has no other inventory. Perhaps they sold out? Zhongli pondered as he eyed the object encased in the crystal. It looked to be a flower, though he was unsure what kind of flower. It had a large, circular brown center with layers of golden yellow petals. The flower reminded him of the sun.
“Excuse me, what kind of flower is this?” Zhongli asked while still looking down at the crystallized flower.
“It is called a sunflower.” A familiar voice responded.
Zhongli paled as he heard that voice. He looked up and was met with a face he thought he would never get a chance to see again in his lifetime. A face that will live on in his memories until he himself no longer lives.
“Guizhong?”
“Hello, Morax — I mean Zhongli.” The corners of her mouth turned up as she smiled fondly at Zhongli, a light laugh escaping her lips. “I have come to bring you a gift for the one who has chipped away at that stony exterior of yours. The ginger boy.”
“Guizhong? How are you here? A gift? I-” Zhongli stuttered over his words in complete disbelief that what he was witnessing wasn’t some sort of dream. This must be due to the lack of sleep . And Zhongli pinched himself, which earned a laugh from Guizhong.
“Oh, my dear Zhongli. This is no dream. I have been watching over you, and I have become quite impressed with the bond that “rascal”, as you so fondly refer to him as, has developed with you. In the many years I have known you, I have not seen a smile so warm on your face. It pleases me to know that you have found happiness.”
Guizhong picked up the crystallized sunflower, handing it to Zhongli.
“As for the gift, the sunflower was a type of flower that I managed to cultivate during the time I still walked Teyvat. Its golden petals mirror the golden rays of the sun, and make one feel warm inside. Upon watching your many interactions with the mortal, Childe, I have thought that your smiles when you two are together remind me very much of this sunflower here.”
Zhongli took the crystallized sunflower from her hands and his heart warmed as he could see Childe’s blue eyes and the crinkly smile he had come to love dearly flash across the surface of the crystal. In those same flashes, Zhongli also appeared, and he could see the warm smile that Guizhong talked about spread across his face.
Guizhong folded Zhongli’s hands over the crystal, and her hands lingered on his as she looked at him with a soft expression.
“He is precious to you, and your happiness is precious to me. This gift is to signify that the sunshine smile you have come to love shall be one that will bless your days with no end — just as this sunflower will continue to stay as golden as the sun so long as it remains within this crystal.”
And with that, Guizhong’s apparition faded, but the crystallized sunflower remained in his hands, though it was now encased in an ebony box adorned with golden silk ribbon.
“Thank you, Guizhong.” Zhongli murmured softly.
The box disappeared as Zhongli willed it to storage within his Serenitea Pot— a place that he has designated as a “storage only” area ever since he moved into his and Childe’s Liyuean apartment. He continued walking to Wanyu Boutique where he picked up the floral assortment and finally made his way home to finish the preparations.
Zhongli set the cake in the oven and set the timer to the specified time the traveler had told him. While the cake was baking, he worked to set up the rest of the decor.
He hung a “Happy Birthday” banner up on the wall behind the dining table, he summoned the gift box that contained Guizhong’s gift and set it on the table, and then set his handwritten birthday note to Childe against the gift box. As for the flowers, he had set those on a small table by the entrance to their apartment, so that they would be the first thing Childe sees once he walks in.
By the time he was done, the timer beeped on the oven, signifying that the cake was done. Zhongli rushed to the kitchen, as he learned that even a single minute could spell the difference between success or disaster, and pulled the cake out of the oven. To his relief, the cake looked perfect. He placed it onto a cooling rack to cool while he worked on preparing the icing.
The clock was inching closer and closer to noon, and Zhongli was nervous he wouldn’t get the cake done in time to surprise Childe with before he came home. In his rush, he did not realize he accidentally poured fire-water into the icing mix instead of regular water. He presumed the strong smell was normal because unfortunately, icing was something he had to learn on a whim and not something the traveler got the chance to teach him.
By now, the cake had cooled and Zhongli was able to cut the needed pieces off and mold it into the butt shape it needed to be in. He sheepishly grabbed at his own behind a few times to ensure the cake was as close to the real thing as possible. After the cake was molded to the best of his amateur ability, he covered it in the icing and set the cake on a silver platter.
For the finishing touch, golden script saying “Happy Birthday Childe ♡“ materialized itself on the silver platter.
Just as Zhongli set the cake on the table and inserted the candles, he heard the door unlock. He tensed and rushed to the door to greet his beloved before he could set even two steps in the house.
“Li! I’m home!” Childe shouted into the apartment, before realizing Zhongli was standing right in front of him. “Oh, you’re right here!” And Childe gave Zhongli that crinkly smile that he loves so much.
Childe dropped his bags and enveloped Zhongli in a tight hug, as he whispered “I missed you so much, Li” against his ear.
“I missed you too, baobei.” Zhongli said as he pulled back from the embrace to look Childe in the eyes. “And Happy Birthday.”
Childe peppered Zhongli’s face with kisses before bringing him back in for another embrace, though this time, his hands snaked downwards to sneak a grab at Zhongli’s assets. Zhongli swatted Childe’s hands away, telling him there will be plenty of that for him later. Childe pouted before sniffing at the air.
“Is that cake I smell? Did you bake something, Li? I didn’t know you knew how to bake!”
“Ah, yes. It is part of my surprise for your birthday. Please, close your eyes and let me guide you.”
“A surprise for me? You didn’t have to, Li. Let me set my bags down first?”
Childe picked up his bags and set them down further inside the apartment, namely next to the very same small table that Zhongli had placed the flower assortment on. He gingerly thumbed at the petals of the glaze lilies and looked at Zhongli.
“Are these flowers… for me?”
“Yes, for your birthday. Do you like them?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I do! You even got starconches in here… Gods, I love you Zhongli, this is amazing. And you said there’s more surprises?” Childe closed his eyes. “Lead the way, Li!”
“First, let me put these on you-“ Zhongli affixed a pin to Childe’s shirt that says “It’s My Birthday!” with a narwhal on it, and strapped a birthday hat to his head. He smiled looking at Childe like this, even though Childe’s eyes were closed, his face was still bright with excitement.
Zhongli moved behind Childe and placed his hands on both of his shoulders as he gently moved Childe forward, towards the dining room. He pulled a chair out and sat Childe down in it so that he’d be right in front of the cake.
“You may open your eyes now.”
Childe opened his eyes and gawked at what lay in front of him: a cake in the shape of Zhongli’s butt — a pretty good replica of it, too — and a small black gift box with a note addressed to him leaning against it.
“You did all this for me??” Childe was in awe. The only other people who had put in so much effort for his birthday were his family, but he wasn’t there with them on his birthday this year.
Zhongli smiled as he leaned over to light the candles on the cake. Except, when he lit one, the entire cake went up in flames. Zhongli stood there, speechless, trying to process what just happened.
Childe rested his face against his hand as he stared at the cake on fire, utterly unphased at what he was witnessing. He loves Zhongli, but he wasn’t sure he should have expected anything more when he said he baked him a cake.
“Zhongli, I thought you said you knew how to bake… so what is this?”
“Er… I am not sure what happened. I followed all the directions that the traveler provided me.” Zhongli was still standing there, trying to figure out why the cake he worked so hard to make was on fire.
Hydro swirled as Childe extinguished the flames. He made sure to leave as much of the cake intact as possible as he still wanted to try to eat it given how much effort Zhongli put into all of this for him.
As soon as the flames disappeared, Childe swiped a finger across the icing and then licked the icing off of his finger. His nose scrunched as his mouth was unexpectedly overcome with the overpowering taste of fire-water.
“Li, what did you put in this icing?”
“Sugar, cream, and water. Is it not to your liking?”
“There is fire-water in this, a lot of fire-water.” Childe said slowly.
Zhongli’s face went bright red out of embarrassment. “Ah, I must have put that in there without realizing. I can go make you another one.”
“Haha, I’ll still eat this. The fire-water will just make tonight a lot more fun. Come here.” Childe grabbed Zhongli’s wrist, pulling Zhongli towards him, and sat him down on his lap. He nuzzled his face against Zhongli’s neck while lifting the hem of Zhongli’s shirt so he could squeeze at the skin of his waist.
“Thank you for all of this, Li. I love it. Even the cake.” Childe looked at the gift box and note, picking both up. “You even got me a gift, can I open it?”
Zhongli leaned his head against Childe’s, “Of course, baobei. It is for you. But, it is not from me. It is from a dear friend who wished to give a gift to you.”
Childe undid the ribbon, opened the box, and picked up the crystallized sunflower within. He gasped as he watched the flashes of him and Zhongli across the surface of the crystal, smiling and laughing. He recognized those moments as some of his fondest memories with Zhongli.
“Li… this is… who is this from again?”
“A dear friend. The flower inside is a sunflower, she said your smile reminded her of this flower. The reason why it is crystallized is to signify that our smiles and the love we share will continue to bless our days with no end.” Zhongli turned to face Childe, cupping his face and thumbing over his mouth, “Your smile is the most beautiful thing I have seen in all my years. I love you, Ajax. Happy Birthday.”
Childe pulled Zhongli in for a long and passionate kiss. Tears fell from his eyes as he carded his fingers through Zhongli’s hair. He pulled back and stared at Zhongli and those golden eyes he’s come to love so much, those eyes that tell his heart he is home. He wasn’t sure what he must have done in a past life to deserve someone like Zhongli, to deserve a day like this. He couldn’t have asked for a better birthday.
“I love you too, Li. More than you’ll ever know.”