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You Wouldn't Like Me

Summary:

You recover quickly from the events at Geneva, with the help of your new fiance. But in the meantime, there's someone you're still waiting on to come back from the brink... back from a void of their own.

1/15 standalone fics between "now i'm sure that it's true" and [TITLE PENDING].

Notes:

IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG AND I'M STILL BEHIND

*SCREAMS*

Six months since the last HLAL update... I feel so incredibly ashamed. But for those of you who don't follow my social media, the reason for this is (basically) finishing my animation degree, and... burnout. And I've still got the burnout.

I'm going to do what I can to keep writing; I'm currently working on a collab standalone like this one, and I hope to have that finished within a month, and there are a couple other fics all ready to go, but not nearly as many as I'd like. With that slow pace in mind, I'm going to push back HLAL updates to every three weeks until I feel comfortable with my backlog again. I'm so sorry about that, but you guys have always been so good about being understanding.

Thank you so much for your patience.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a relief to see Isa in the room.

Well, “see” was still a relative term. You were guided by Toshinori into the hospital room on a rainy January day, still suffering in your vision from Geneva, but you could make out the dark form of the Amazonian woman jumping to her feet, rushing over to you with a sob as she took you from your partner, and held you in a crushing hug. Toshinori gave you both space, standing by the door.

“You’re really okay ,” she shuddered, which you barely heard above your head being shoved into her chest due to the height difference between you. “You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” you confirmed, barely finding the breath to do so. “I’m here.”

At length, Isa released you, and instead took your hands in hers. “I know you’ve been back for quite some time, but, well, no one has really known how you were doing since the media in Switzerland reported you in such terrible condition.” Isa squoze your hands tightly, and you grimmaced under the pressure, the unchecked strength. “Of course they didn’t release specifics, but anything that puts you out of commission for so long--”

“I’m fine now,” you reminded her. “That’s what matters. I’m going to be fine. I just needed a little extra time out of the public eye to heal.”

Isa frowned momentarily, but conceded, “You’re right; you’re right.” She ran her thumbs over the back of your hands, before the change in angle of her head indicated she had redirected her attention to the reason that all of you were here. You followed her gaze as best as you could.

One likely could have imagined Tengu was only asleep, if not for the numerous tubes he was surely attached to scattered across his body. The space provided to him was much larger than others in the hospital, in order to provide room for his wings, which were secured and stretched out to heal, giving him the appearance of an angel in flight, even in his coma. For the most part, he seemed unscathed beyond this, but you knew the situation initially had been dire, and to an extent was still dire now, as he should have woken up weeks ago. Surely, over the span of several months, he had stitches and casts removed, scars lightened, bruises healed. You didn’t see the bulging form of any casts now. You approached him, so that you were close enough to see the most basic details of his face; he looked young, but you knew that was due to your still limited vision; all of the wrinkles you had grown fond of still had to be present past the blur, and most of this, you guessed, or imagined, based on the circumstances.

“What did Shimizu do to him? Brain injury?” Another concussion could be career ending; he’d already suffered one when you were working alongside him in the Chuo-Ku Ward incident, and your former boss’s name on your tongue felt like bitter acid.

“Lack of oxygen. But, there was an unidentifiable drug in his system when they did the bloodwork. The doctors installed a Vagus Nerve Stimulation device, and he’s slowly coming out of the deepest parts of the fog, but it’s been so long now...”

You swallowed thickly. Surely, a concoction not of this universe, then. Tengu’s chances of waking up just plummeted without the knowledge of how to treat him properly. Even if progress was being made, it could be possible doctors would hit a wall. You couldn’t look at his face, then, instead having to carefully observe the lines in your palms, close to your face.

“Shimizu would have gotten to him no matter what,” you reminded mostly yourself. “But maybe if I’d been the one to delve deeper into the cosmic wavelength of Shimizu’s Quirk despite my condition at the time instead of him--”

“It’s not going to fix anything to think about the ‘what if’s. That’s exactly what you fought against, after all. You fought for what is . So did Tengu; he knew the risks. And, above all else, he’s still a hero. It was his duty.”

It was Toshinori that spoke; the timbre of his voice brought you a comfort bone-deep, and you wondered if anyone could be as consoled by his voice as you when it was something he truly meant. Slowly, you sat next to Tengu, and, after catching Isa’s attention, and seeing her nod even through your blindness, you took his hand in yours. Warm. Alive. Barely.

“His research saved us,” you continued. “If he hadn’t made the connection between Shimizu’s Quirk and alternate universes, I don’t know if she would have been caught.”

You wanted to squeeze Tengu’s hand, but he felt… fragile, as he was now.

“He doesn’t deserve this.”

But what could you do? What could anyone do? If there was a way to wake him up, it would have been done by now. All you could do, was give him time.

But he’d been in this coma for nearly half a year. He was running out of time, if he wanted to wake up without lifelong complications. It was unfair. It should have been you. But, you reminded yourself, there would be no world left if it had been, or a world irreversibly changed.

Truth be told, you still had distant, lingering doubts about what could have been. Could Shimizu have stopped the Matter Paradox right where she needed to to enact the change she so desperately desired? With your meddling, she was determined to kill you once you entered the world in this new reality, but would things still have been better? Would it still be a world without…

A hand at your shoulder interrupted your thoughts. You looked up, and Toshinori smiled through the haze.

“I’m going to take Isa to the hospital cafe to get her something to eat. Do you want to come, or would you like a moment alone?”

You considered it, for a moment, before concluding, “I need to stay here.”

Toshinori nodded, before kissing you on the forehead; a motion once considered bold for the two of you, and still bold to an extent, if only for the way PDA was handled in Japan as a whole, but you suspected it would become more common, now that your relationship was no longer a secret. He left quietly, and Isa trailed behind him, looking to Tengu with aching sadness, before also disappearing around the corner.

The moment you were alone, you felt all the more blind, but that was okay. You didn’t need your sight here. You pressed your free hand to your head, the cool of your skin grounding you as you did what you could to remind yourself, this wasn’t your fault. Tengu was a hero, but he was also an investigator; he did his job as both when he went in search of answers into Shadow Inari’s identity, before you knew just how severe what you were dealing with was. And, at the time, even if you had wanted to take on the research task yourself, not only would you have no idea where to start, but you were limited in your vision at that time as well, rendering you a liability in public spaces, just as you still are to an extent now. Neither of you could have known what Shimizu would do to him for knowing too much. Perhaps, as awful as this situation was, it was a miracle he was even alive.

You closed your eyes, and sighed. Positives, positives. He was alive. He was safe. He was getting as much care as he could. The Hero Commission would cover the cost of his treatment, and if not all of it, a considerable portion. You and Toshinori would cover the rest, without hesitation. But first, he needed to wake up .

So, in silence, alone, you waited. You waited for something you doubted you’d even get to see.

 


 

But you did.

It was March, and your sight had improved considerably. Toshinori had just proposed. You were glad you weren’t wearing your ring, as not only was it being resized so it would actually fit you, but it probably wasn’t yet time to wear it in public; the press was lurking around every corner, now that your romantic relationship with All Might was no longer a secret. They would catch on the moment they saw even a hint of a sparkle on your finger, and there would be no way to talk them down or try to plant any other idea in their head.

Tengu still showed signs of progress in healing, but he still had not had a moment of true, or even false, consciousness, where he would look around, identify things doctors told him to, and then fall back into unconsciousness and remember none of what transpired. Isa explained it to you when you had expressed confusion when she had informed you of this “false” consciousness, but sounded still so dejected as she described it.

“He could have these ‘false’ moments for the rest of his life, if he even gets there,” she mourned. “And that’s not really waking up. Not really.”

And as you sat in almost the same spot you had back in January, with the room to yourself once more, you yourself felt as though you hadn’t really “woken up.” Not with Tengu-- Otsuka -- still somewhere deep in the void of his own unconscience.

“Got engaged,” you told him, the moment you were alone. “Sure you’d be happy for me. But… it comes with a cost. Not the financial kind. The cost of… resignation, I guess. Feeling like it’s almost the beginning of the end. I can’t go into detail, even if you aren’t listening. Can’t risk it. But, last year, when we were fighting Shimizu… I discovered a lot of things I don’t think was intended for me to ever know, if possible. But… well, let’s just say, Shimizu hurt a lot of things. People, more than on just a physical level. Trust. Secrets. Stability.”

You placed your head in your hand.

“The more I think about it, the more I wonder if Shimizu really had our best interests at heart. I can barely begin to comprehend what she was thinking, with the actions she took. And she was so easily angry when I pointed out why what she was doing was wrong. It’s like… it was never about anyone but herself to begin with. Or, maybe she had tunnel vision on All Might… I don’t know. All I know, was it was… one person can’t be allowed to make such a huge decision. Time as it has been… it’s not for us to change. And whatever’s coming… we can only do our best to try to make it go in our favor. And if we fail… we live with that. And we move on as best as we can.”

The concept, knowing what’s coming in barely a decade’s time, horrifies you. But, you take a deep breath.

“Don’t get me wrong; I hate what’s happened to you. But if I were given the chance to go back in time, to stop it, to protect you… I would get addicted. I would never be able to stop wanting to go back and change things. I would turn into her. So, if given the chance… I wouldn’t. I couldn’t . Because whatever would come after… you would never forgive me. No one would.”

Tengu’s head rolling to one side nearly scared you right out of your skin, but not as much as when he slurred out, “ Damn right .”

You grabbed his hand in a flurry of panicked motion, squeezing so hard, you may break the bones in it again. Eyes wide, you speak to him again, while reaching over to hit the call button for a nurse. “Yeah! I, I figured you’d say that. Glad to be proven right.”

“You… know me. Stubborn old bird.”

“You wouldn’t change anything for the world, either, would you?”

“Not on your life .”

You laughed, and you felt tears streaming down your face, before you were gently pushed aside as the nurse on duty called for assistance, and began checking to see if Tengu really was awake, if he was really going to be coming out of it, or if this was one of those half-awake moments that he would eventually fall back into his coma from. As you were escorted out of the room, rejoining All Might and a hysterical Isa begging to see him, Tengu called out:

“Give my assistant my love, kid.”

So, you immediately turned your attention to Isa while the door was shut, and both you and Toshinori took on the task of soothing her, but it doubled as comfort for yourself, as well.

“Can they keep him conscious?” Isa cried. “Somehow? Please-- they can’t let him slip back under--” Her voice cracked. “They can’t let him slip away--”

“They’re going to do everything they can,” Toshinori reminded her, one hand at her back, the other squeezing one of her hands for security. The three of you walked down the hospital halls, quickly finding a quiet place to sit, so the woman could cry in peace. “The fact that he showed any kind of consciousness whatsoever is an incredible sign; I know it’s no guarantee for his full recovery, but it’s immense progress.”

“But-- but if they hit a wall, if he can’t come up any further than that--”

“We’ll find something,” you say, but you can’t promise it, and both of the others know that. “We’ll-- we’ll figure something out. Next time, you’ll be there, if he doesn’t stay awake this time.”

Isa shook her head, and slammed a frustrated fist down on her thigh before devolving into wretched sobs. Toshinori let you take over in providing physical comfort then, scooting aside so you could move in to wrap your arms around her, and though the woman was taller than you, she pressed her eyes into your hair, hiding herself from the world and clinging to your shirt as she desperately hoped for the best, and anticipated the worst.

 


 

Tengu stayed awake.

He did go back to sleep shortly after he was tested for cognitive capacity and physical capabilities, but, in the morning, he woke, albeit slowly. You’d barely taken Isa home only a few hours ago before she was calling you back with the news, already having returned to the hospital. You, however, needed rest, and Isa needed her alone time with the man she so dearly appreciated, so you rolled over and went back to sleep. Toshinori welcomed you in his arms.

When you went to visit him a little later in the month, you wore your ring; you wanted to show him, once you got a moment alone with him. Sure, it wouldn’t be a problem if Isa was also privy to the knowledge, but if possible, you wanted to keep it between yourself and your friend. You would tell others, like Ayana and Ayane later: Ayana you would tell the next time you were able to meet in person. For Ayane, it’s different since she is in your immediate work circle. Or, rather, was, and will be again, should she accept All Might’s invitation to work at his upcoming agency.

“Ah, just in time,” Tengu greeted you and Toshinori when you entered his room, and he eyed the Symbol of Peace warily as he brought in another huge bouquet of flowers to add to the mass growing at the other end of the room. “I just sent Isa home an hour ago… you can, uh, just set those with the others.”

Toshinori looks at the pile himself, and then back to Tengu. “ Where?

The man shrugs and chuckles helplessly. “Ah… if you can’t find a space, you can just take it home with you. Or drop it off with Isa.”

“I didn’t know this many people came to see you,” you mentioned, now that he was awake and you could get the answers straight from him.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, mostly previous clients; people I’ve helped who stayed in touch. Some of the flowers were just mailed on their behalf. I know those who solely do hero work don’t really do that as much, but us investigative types… well, you make a connection with the people who come directly to you. They become almost like family, in some cases.”

So each bouquet holds a story. You walk among them, and you can see little cards attached to the vases, each one a thank you and a plea for better health for the bird man who was, at the time, nearly dead to the world. You fingered a few open to peer at the words within, before deciding, even if Tengu was okay with it, it felt like an invasion of privacy, so you pulled away.

You took in his face for the first time since you’d arrived; Tengu’s face was tired, dark circles under his eyes, but the smile on his cheeks was ever the warm, crackling fireplace you always knew it to be. His cheeks were gaunt and thin from disuse and a purely fluid intake for the past several months, and his wrists, too, seemed nearly bone thin. Despite this, despite the time both of you knew it would take to rehabilitate him fully-- if he could be rehabilitated-- he showed no sign of distress or mournfulness.

Toshinori approached him, finally having found a place to set down the flowers, and knelt by his bedside. “It’s good to see you back in the land of the living, my friend. I wish we could have done something to bring you back to us sooner.”

“Shucks, didn’t think you’d miss me that much. Besides, Isa caught me up: I’m sure you were worried about someone else in the meantime.” Tengu gave you a sideways glare, and you swallowed and smiled nervously as you came to sit at his other side.

“Well, hindsight is 20/20, isn’t it?”

“I specifically told you to lay low.”

“Part of me didn’t think it was real,” you confessed. “The other part of me figured making a scene would cause more problems, not to mention, if she knew we-- specifically All Might-- were on to her, Shimizu may have just warped to Geneva on her own. Then no one would have been there to stop her.”

Tengu stayed stern, but it didn’t last. “I know. It was a hell of a situation she put us into, I can agree there. I can’t say you made the right decision, but I know there weren’t many options available to you. And, ultimately, you did what you thought was right. Regardless, it’s not like I was gonna be around to have any say in it.”

“I wish you would have been,” Toshinori snorted. “You’re certainly not my partner, Otsuka, but you are my friend, and I lost both of you that night. Which reminds me… how did Shimizu know you were on to her?”

It was a question not even you had considered, and now that it had been brought up, you were curious as to what the answer could be.

“Damn Smokeye,” Tengu grumbled. “Shimizu always directed him one step ahead of us before you and Comet put him in the slammer. Turns out, she wanted me out of the picture to begin with, but of course, that would look too suspicious, especially when the case was brand new and it was just us five-- you, Comet, me, Isa, and Shimizu. Tensions would have been through the roof if I was taken out early on, so she had him bug my devices pretty shortly after I got in touch with her about the Sacred Jewel’s disappearance. Only figured it out once it was too late.”

“And you called and texted me anyways?”

Someone needed to have the info if something happened to me, someone besides Isa-- a hero -- and I figured you would be smart enough to take the information verbally to the Hero Commission, immediately . Guess Shimizu had you pegged better than I did, and knew you would go after her, anyways.”

It was true; she’d been sitting calmly at a cafe when you approached her, not frantic in the slightest about apprehending you. She must have known you were coming, though she acted surprised when you informed her the jig was up. You looked away in shame, but Tengu tutted at you.

“Now, now, none of that; we already had our little spat about whether you did what you should have. What’s done is done. We’re only going to move forward from here; never back. Understood? We get to live with our choices, now, not run from them. We get to live with what’s happened. Live. There are lives lost that we owe that to. Don’t forget, but don’t dwell.”

You nod, and so does Toshinori. Your now-fiancé changes the subject. “So when are they estimating you’ll get to start on physical rehab?”

“Well, they want to start work on my arms tomorrow,” Tengu says, “get those strengthened up to help me with my legs. The wings will come last; with luck, I’ll be back up to full strength by the end of the year, but that’s just an estimate, and realistically, it may take longer. But, that’s the way the bricks fall into place, so be it. I’m just happy to be conscious again. Felt like I was trapped in a void of my own.”

You lean forward in your seat. “I’m sure,” you say, not doubting in the slightest that being in a coma was very similar to what you yourself were subjected to in the Void Dimension. “Hopefully, it’ll feel nice to get moving again.”

“Hopefully,” Tengu agrees. “I know I’m feeling restless, that’s for damn sure.”

“And the Commission is covering everything?” Toshinori inquires, though it should be obvious.

“They should, but if there are any hiccups… well, we’ll cross that patch when we get to it.”

“If it’s not worth the trouble, I’m here,” Toshinori promises. “I’ll help, no strings attached.”

“Well, that’s very kind of you, but I doubt that will be necessary; Isa’s good at strong-arming the Commission on these kinds of things. Woman she may be, but it’s hard to stand your ground against someone as intimidating and powerful as her. She’ll have my back, and, well, if even her charms fail, I have no doubt you’ll be the first person she’ll come to, anyways.”

“Let her know my doors are open to her, then. As they are to you.” Toshinori pats the man’s arm, before standing up. “Comet and I haven’t had lunch. Mind if I go grab something for us?”

“Not at all, please. Go right on ahead.”

“I’ll stay here,” you state, this being the moment alone with Tengu you’ve been waiting for. Toshinori nods, knowing full well what your intention was, and departs quietly, picking his way around the flowers as he does.

The moment the door is shut behind him, before you can say anything, Tengu laughs.

“Now, enough about me; are you going to tell me about that damn ring or what?

You smile sheepishly; you hold out your hand, and he takes it tenderly in his own, eyeing the jewelry. “It’s very recent,” you tell him. “Came out of the blue, actually.”

“Yeah, why am I not surprised.” Tengu purses his lips. “Funny, I, uh, thought it’d be bigger.”

“I told him nothing bulky, nothing too flashy, if he was going to propose. It’s definitely not something to wear every day, anyways. The world knows we’re together, now, but we’re going to hold off on any engagement announcements until the very last moment. If we can, that is.”

“And how’d that slip? Not that people weren’t already theorizing anyways, but how’d they know it’s official between you two?”

“There may have been a last kiss of desperation at Geneva when we weren’t sure if we were going to make it.”

Tengu hums. “Yeah, Isa told me a little about that event. Don’t know quite everything yet though, not to mention, she herself wasn’t exactly present at the scene of the crime. Heard you were quite the spectacle, though. Shame there’s no footage, I would have liked to have seen you giving Shimizu what-for.”

You shrug, and try not to think about the way she looked at you with such disgust when you insisted this timeline was worth fighting for. The way she pushed herself out of your arms, and held a gun to her temple, was... “It wasn’t much, actually.”

“‘Wasn’t much’? Rumor has it you gave All Might’s power a run for its money. Again .”

“Desperation and adrenaline and tears in the space-time-continuum do weird things to Cosmic Quirks.”

The man narrows his eyes at you, knowing there’s more under the surface than you’re letting on; he’s a detective, after all. But, as you’re his friend, the man lets it go, returning to the topic of the engagement itself. “Well, I’m sure it was lovely, my dear, that little talk of ‘let’s get married, me and you, now that we’ve seen the end of the world together’. I’m sure I don’t have to beg to be invited to the reception.”

“I’m offended you even thought to bring begging up,” you tease. Tengu’s smile is sweet as he pats your hand.

“Well, what better time than after a big occasion like saving the world for a wedding? Congratulations, Comet. Here’s to hoping we can keep things under wraps until you can tie the knot.” He lifts his hand to you in mimicry of a toast, and drinks an unseen champagne. You also make the motion of a toast, but refrain from “drinking” yourself.

“Part of me doubts it, but we’re going to give it our best,” you chuckle. You lean back in your seat, more comfortable than you’ve been in a while. Tengu nods, and then sighs, a smirk painting his features.

“I still remember Chuo-Ku Ward like it was yesterday,” he says. “Realizing the two of you were in love, and yearning.”

“How soon did you know?”

“It was about the time I started coming on to you, and he showed up with supplies,” he laughs. “Took me a bit of thinking after to realize he may have been polite, but I don’t think he was terribly thrilled to see me so close to you. Not to mention, the way you tore away from me to look at him… not so obvious in the moment, but after contemplating it later it became clear. I stood no chance.”

He laughs again, and it’s genuine to its core, enough so that you’re able to laugh with him, too.

“And who wouldn’t love the Symbol of Peace?” Tengu continued. “Well, I mean, in terms of infatuation, I think a good three-fourths of the population has had it bad for him at some point or another. Yours… was never infatuation. Never selfish. Pretty sure he knew that right from the get-go.”

“He didn’t, actually,” you reply, and Tengu’s eyes widen. “Well, didn’t know I was in love with him, I mean. That came after Chuo-Ku. But… well, we were close friends before. And, to be fair, I’d only recently realized I was in love with him, too.”

“What do you mean?”

You shrug. “I hadn’t been in love for so long, I… guess I forgot what it was like before him.”

Tengu hums. “I… didn’t know that was something you could forget.”

“Well, my previous relationships didn’t really last, so maybe that’s part of it, too.”

“Perhaps.”

You look at Tengu softly; his voice has taken on a contemplative tone. Perhaps he’s thinking of his own loves from his youth (though he’s not too much older than you). Perhaps he’s considering the nature of love itself, and how it changes over time, how some can go their whole lives having never experienced it, either through their own choice or not. You’re not sure whether it would be rude to ask or not.

Before you can decide one way or the other, Tengu asks, “Do you believe in soulmates, Comet?”

“Soulmates?” You pause to consider the somewhat abrupt question. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe there’s someone destined for us in each life. Maybe it’s something we make for ourselves out of the people we cross paths with. I think a life can still be full without a soulmate; I never felt like I was guaranteed to find someone, and I lived life with that mindset before Toshinori. And it was fine.”

“And it was fine,” Tengu murmured, echoing your statement. He furrowed his brow as he processed your response, and you tilted your head as you moved in closer.

“Do you mind if I ask why you asked?”

“Hmm? Oh, well… let’s just say I haven’t had much luck in the relationship department myself. But, we don’t have to get into that; feel like it’d be pretty awkward to discuss as such with a former crush of my own. Almost like… what’s the word… ‘pouting’ isn’t it… not whining… bah, I think you get my meaning.”

“I do. And it’s okay; I know you respect my space, my relationship. I know we’re still friends. You’ve proven to be respectful and not creepy in any way, Otsuka; whatever’s on your mind, I can be a bouncing board for it.”

Tengu lays back and chuckles. “Nah… you don’t gotta burden yourself with it. Besides, I’ve still got… what, forty more years to figure it out? Something like that. Even if by ‘figuring it out,’ I just end up… I dunno, buying a dog, naming him Amor.”

You aren’t quite sure how to respond to that; you look down at the ring on your finger, and twist it a few times back and forth. “Well, I doubt you need me of all people telling you this, but… well, love isn’t everything. Yes, it’s nice to have, and I really wish you luck in finding something for yourself that you’re happy with, but… I hope it’s not all you’re seeking in life.”

“What do you take me for, a romantic?” Tengu jokes, but there’s a little bit of bite in it. “I know. But I’m forty years old, I’ve got a crown of grey, and I’ve got crow’s feet on more than just the ends of my legs. I can’t help but feel like I’ve missed out a little bit.”

“You mean no one at all has shown any kind of interest?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that , but I make a rule out of not pursuing anything with clients in distress. Emotions tend to be all over the place for everyone involved, and I have a… shall we say, unhealthy, tendency to fall in love fast.”

You know this to be true, considering his attraction to you, and you nod sympathetically. “But the metaphorical pond seems dry to you otherwise?”

“Comet, let’s be real, between you and me; it’s not just I can’t seem to find my type out there who’s also into me, but not everyone’s chomping at the bit to get with a guy who’s majorly bird. It implies some… complications.”

“That hasn’t stopped other people.”

“Other people aren’t the norm. Sure, you’ve got some people here and there who aren’t thrown off by the whole ‘animal’ thing that’s been developing in some Quirk havers over the years, but… well, birds aren’t really ‘the thing’ for those kinds of people. And even with the fact that I still have upper human characteristics, there’s just…”

Tengu shrugs.

“There’s other things, I guess, under the surface of it all that just… people catch on to. What that says about me as a person, I don’t know, but it’s just the reality of the situation. I’m not saying I’m unlovable , but people are just… instinctively drawn to or repulsed by certain things, even if we don’t know it. No amount of swiping right or effort on the self will change that.”

You sigh through your nose. “I’m not sure I agree that it’s just a luck of the draw, Otsuka. I mean, maybe that’s part of it, but… you’re a good, handsome man.”

He laughs dryly. “And there’s the pity.”

“It’s not pity,” you insist. “I don’t pity. I don’t pity Shimizu, and I don’t pity you. I’m not an expert in love, but I do know, love tends to find you better when you’re not chasing after it yourself. Or, more specifically, when it’s not on your mind all the time. And maybe it won’t be in the form of someone else. Maybe you’ll just end up loving yourself. Then you won’t think as much about somebody else entering the picture. You can still want it, and maybe it’ll still show up, but I think the worst thing one can do is think life can only be complete if there’s another half to yourself. You’re whole as you are, as am I. And two people coming together doesn’t create one new whole; it turns into a cooperation. Two wholes staying themselves, and making something completely new. More often than not, in life, we find who we are in the world around us.”

Tengu narrowed his eyes, then softened as his gaze unfocused, as he began to consider the meaning of your words, of your experience, as someone younger, yet further along in where he wanted to find himself in life. The information settled; Toshinori returned shortly after, bringing a little food for you and for himself, and a snack for Tengu. He accepted the treat gratefully, and while you and Toshinori didn’t stay long after so he could get his rest, the bird man remained contemplative for the remainder of your visit, lost in consideration in the nature and meaning of love, and being loved.

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