Chapter Text
“It’s over. Go home. Go.”
When Jimmy opens his eyes he is greeted by the clear, blue skies of his private server. The aftershock of a final server death washes over him. Memories race back and he can feel the air enter his lungs in a deep gasp. Pain seemed to be ever present but not truly there. It felt like the moment in between dreams, the second you awaken from a deep sleep, and a flash of colour all at once.
He can feel his consciousness returning and body beginning to wake up again. He sits up, his wings stretching out behind him. The most jarring difference is the strange emptiness in his chest. Like the soulmate bond had ripped a piece of him away.
He was alone.
_-~*~-_
All of that feels like a near distant memory now, a week later. The pain has mostly faded and he has entered the calm after the storm. The strange, empty feeling remains, however. Like an itch you can't scratch or the bothersome pressure of tight clothes digging into skin. It’s dissimilar to the boiling rage left over from a red life. It feels like a part of him is missing .
Jimmy busies himself with things around the server. There’s always something to do. Jimmy had been searching for an ancient city before the game. He no longer continued his search. It was too claustrophobic. He entered the cave and for a moment he thought he could do it. However the second he could no longer see the soft light from the entrance of the cave he felt panic set in. It wouldn’t last forever. Aftershocks of a gameserver permadeath only affected a player for a period of a few hours to a few days. Jimmy didn’t want to risk it though. He could do without skulk.
He packs his belongings and leaves the mountains. It’s not much, he was out here on a glorified camping trip. It’s enough to keep Jimmy alive and set up a base, though, and that’s what really counts. When the anxiety subsides he will make the trek through the mountain pass with his shulkers to get the rest of his stuff.
The prairies on the other side of the high peaks are better. Less cramped. Less claustrophobic. Jimmy can see as far as the horizon reaches over the near flat terrain. He’s not too far from the foothills that flow into the mountains; he can still get to them if he needs to but he doesn’t think he will. His hands still shake when he sees an enderman in the distance.
He sets up his home in the curve of a river coulee. The grass is green and a few trees stand around. Deposits rich in iron and coal are present in the sheer sides of the large depressions in the ground. Jimmy finds a fossil or two mixed in with the rocks.
The smells of green sage and other prairie plants fill his nose every time he breathes. Deer poke their heads over and around bushes, only to dart off as he gets close. The meandering river in the center is of a cool, wandering sort. It comes from mountains hundreds of kilometers away but still carries the sweet cold that brings Jimmy great comfort after a day of hard work. It fills his wings and leaves him earthbound but cool in the summer heat.
He wrangles a few cows and sheep into a pen, and works on finding some eggs in one of his shulkers to start a chicken farm. The soil is decent here. He can get a wheat farm started and use the faster growing speed of private servers to have a full fledged farm up and going in a few months.
Norman finds him. As he always does. Pet bonds are what Grian molded soul bonds on, after all. No matter how far he goes the bond will pull them back together. Jimmy cares for Norman like the ocean loves the land. The push and pull of the tides may keep him and his pet separate but they always find their way back to each other.
The cat seems to enjoy bothering the livestock and sleeping on the doorstep these days. Norman walks across the counters and loudly begs for fish he gets from the river. He steals eggs from Jimmy’s plate. He plonks down in the middle of the bed and sleeps so Jimmy has to stealthily get into an uncomfortable position to sleep. He finds comfort in it. It’s nice to be less alone.
It also feels like a farm. Or a ranch. And it feels like home.
Him and Norman wake up one rainy day. The bed is warm and the room is cold. Neither leave the bed until well into the morning. Jimmy stays even after Norman hops off the bed to go hunt for some mice.
Jimmy can’t get the thought of arms around his waist out of his head. The thought of soft breathing across his neck and a hand carding through his hair. The feeling of warmth across his arms as Tango runs a hand down them. The burning heat of skin against skin when Tango’s emotions grew too strong was something he never thought he would miss. When the ranch burned down, Tango's desperate grabbing along his arms had left welts and burns.
Now, he longs for the aching pain of new burns. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt more alone.
He has Tango’s com number. Never sent a friend request. He didn’t need to. Serverwide open com chat was all the two had needed to communicate. Now he can’t help but hover his finger over the plus sign. He hesitates for a moment, before clicking on the add friend option.
He doesn’t think of it again until days later, as he toils over his flower garden. He’s breathing heavy, his hands covered in soil and his back covered in sweat. His canary wings shield him from the sun. Still, a sunburn peeks from above the neckline of his tank top. Bees buzz in the background. A magpie calls. The cold mountain stream is far from here but ever present in its roar through the prairie.
Beautiful blue and yellow roses gifted to him by Scott bloom ever brighter under his gentle hand. He’s sure Scott didn’t expect him to take such good care of them. He didn’t think he would be able to, that’s for sure. But they had become a representation of how Scott’s love for him grew and changed.
After empires and the hell that was the life series the two had stayed together for a long while. They built a cabin upon a hill in a flower forest. A river flowed on one side and on the other a forest grew into the distance. They adventured and explored, making a permanent mark on Jimmy’s server. They shared nights in a tent wrapped in each other's arms with the flickering of a firefly lamp lighting their faces.
Their love hadn’t really faded, Jimmy still can’t imagine a world without Scott in it, but it had changed. Sometimes things didn’t work out the way you expected. Turns out, teasing each other and acting like they hated each other’s guts is a more fun way for their relationship to function.
There were no papers to sign, no rings to be taken away and put into a drawer. They didn’t part with scorn. Scott had moved on to a new server, with a soft smile and some plants left behind. Jimmy had stayed in their little cottage until he grew too sentimental and ventured away. He still visited the now overgrown cabin from time to time. Pruned the grass. Sat on the porch and watched the sun set in the warm valley with tea in hand.
With a jump of surprise, he realizes his com is beeping. An incoming call. He wipes his hands off on his shirt and answers. Barely looking at the profile image.
“Hi, Jimmy.”
“Tango.”
“Yeah.”
“Is there something you need?” Jimmy asks.
“I just needed to hear your voice, that’s all.”
“Oh.”
“I can hang up, if you want me to.” Tango says. There is a touch of anxiety in his voice.
“No, god no.”
“What are you up to?” Tango asks, clearly relieved that Jimmy wants to talk.
“Gardening.” Jimmy says.
“I didn’t take you for a gardener?” Tango says. There is surprise in his voice.
“I got some roses as a gift from Scott. It kinda spiralled from there, really.” Jimmy says, placing down his tools.
There is silence on the other end for a moment. Jimmy leans back on his calves and kneels in the rough dirt. He waits to respond with bated breath. Sweat cakes his back and the cold of it is a welcome escape from the beating sun.
“How is he these days?” Tango asks.
“Good. We meet up sometimes. Text nearly everyday.”
“So you aren’t….?” What Tango means to ask is unsaid.
“No. Not for a while.” Jimmy says with a shrug.
“Oh, I got the impression the two of you were inseparable.”
“In a sense we still are. Can’t imagine a world without him.”
“Can you for me? I mean, imagine a world without us.” Tango is quieter than before.
“I-“ Jimmy starts.
“I don’t know if I can.” Tango says quietly into the mic.
“Tango.” Jimmy says.
“It- it feels like it’s still there. Almost. Every moment I am apart from you I feel like there is a piece of me missing. It feels like a chunk of my code has been ripped from my very being.” Tango says. He’s quiet. As if admitting this to himself is painful.
“I know.” Jimmy says.
“You know? That’s all you have to say?”
“I don’t know what else to say, Tango. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lonely.” Jimmy finally admits.
“I have never felt so lonely with so many people around me. The world feels so devoid of life.” Tango says.
And it does. Despite the beauty of the prairie and the liveliness of the ranch it feels empty. The world had never before seemed so devoid of life. Even after Scott left. He can’t imagine how strange it must be for Tango, in a place so vibrant and full of colour and life to be so drained of life.
“Did Grian mess up the code, perhaps?” Jimmy asks.
“I feel like he would have known.” Tango says.
“Isn’t Scar on Hermitcraft? Maybe we feel like this because we are servers apart.” Jimmy doesn’t know if this is a them problem, or an everyone problem. He’s willing to bet it’s an everyone problem though.
“I wouldn’t have been surprised if we had lingering emotions due to the bond at first, but this is different.”
“Maybe.” Jimmy doesn’t want his feelings to be from the code.
“Listen. I’ll talk to Grian when I see him next. Just hang tight, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Tango calls every day. It’s a way to drive away the empty feeling. They don’t really say anything consequential. The two talk about little things, update each other on news they’ve heard, and debate the skills of MCC teams. It feels surprisingly domestic. Jimmy isn’t sure Tango feels the same way.
Today Jimmy lays in bed with Norman. It’s raining out. Thunder cracks in the distance and the air is heavy with how humid it is. It’s stifling and nearly overwhelming to even lay in bed, let alone get up and do stuff.
Tango is working on his base. He tells Jimmy about the blocks he’s using. About the pranks he had played on him and the revenge he’s sent back. Server events. About the adventures he went on to gather the materials. He sends him pictures of scaffolding on half decorated walls and tall imposing structures. Hermitcraft would always be something Jimmy would find impressive, but seeing it come together was like watching creation itself. It felt as if he was watching the gods construct the cosmos.
Hearing Tango talk about weaving together something so grand and beautiful made him fall only deeper in love. It pains him. It makes his eyes water and his chest skip a beat every time he thinks of it. Alone in his empty home. Because Jimmy knows that without this soul bond they wouldn’t have talked after Double life.
It’s on that rainy day when Jimmy, in a slight delirium, says something he may regret.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hm?” Tango's voice is soft from the speaker of his com. He’s probably across the room grabbing something.
“I’m sorry that I was the one to die, that we lost.” Jimmy says. He strokes Norman’s soft back.
“It’s not an issue anymore, is it?“ Tango says.
“I don’t know.” Jimmy responds.
“It isn’t for me. It’s just a game, after all.” Tango says. Jimmy can practically hear him shrug. The sound of a chest opening echos over the call.
Just a game. Tango is right on that. Relationships forged in the death games never really lasted beyond the final death. With few exceptions. But to be fair, him and Scott, as well as Scar and Grian had other things going on prior to the games. It was never really a thing.
“Grian says he’s found a way to break the bond.” Tango says.
Jimmy feels his heart sink.
_-~*~-_
“The code should be fixed,” Grian says, the rune circle deactivating with a flicker of purple. Scar sits behind them reading a book curled up on a chair. His pixie wings flutter every once in a while in response to Grian’s magic
The room is a jarring place to have the bond broken in. It’s beautiful and startlingly domestic, Scar had clearly outdone himself. A plate of elven cookies sits on the table. Jimmy had one. They were some of the best cookies he had ever tasted.
It’s a warm, loving place to have a piece of your soul pulled out and messed with. Cause that’s what code was, really, a piece of a player's soul.
“I’m so sorry about that.” Grian says apologetically.
“It’s fine.” Jimmy says. It doesn’t feel fine.
“I thought due to the nature of player pet bonds, we would be fine for emotional crossover and the bond separating after final death. I didn’t account for how sapient emotions would affect it.” Grian fiddles with his notes. “I’ll have to get in contact with everyone else. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”
“No problem.” Tango says.
Jimmy doesn’t feel any different. He looks over at Tango and his expression is unreadable. Did it work? He trusts Grian’s abilities but he feels like something should have changed. A feeling of snapping in the chest or like someone had lifted weights from his bones. Maybe the feelings are dissipating? But strangely enough all he can feel is the light touch of Tango's hand in his own.
“I’ll- I’ll leave you two be then.” Grian says, looking between them.
“Thank you, Grian.” Tango says. His tone is flat.
Jimmy feels his anxiety soar. So his feelings for the other weren’t tied to the soul bond. Were Tango’s? Was it some sort of transfer of feelings over the bond? Was that why Tango was so touchy about all of this? Was it never really real?
He knows if he were to be hurt, Scott would tear the barriers between worlds to shreds to avenge him. Abuse his admin powers to the point of having them stripped. He would open up the sky with his bare hands and make sure Tango would never forget. Jimmy, Jimmy isn’t sure he wants that. If Tango doesn’t feel the same as he does he thinks he will simply slip away and hide. Hide from the way his heart beats and his soul sings for the other.
“You’ll always be my soulmate, my rancher.” Even as he says it he can feel how embarrassed it makes him roll over his body like a wave.
His hand slips from Tango’s. Tango’s hand stays for a moment before dropping to his side. A look of hurt flashes in Tango’s eyes. But it’s only there for a millisecond and Jimmy doesn’t really think it’s there. Tango turns away. His tail sways back and forth. The fire at the end of his hair flickers.
“I’ll see you to the exit portal.”
“Thank you.”