Chapter Text
More flowers arrive although she has barely any space left to store them. Simple white buds wrapped with a single blush ribbon and instinctively she knows who they are from. They were hand picked and clearly hand wrapped as well not professionally sent like the rest.
Eventually the flowers from Park Jin wither away despite her frequent changing of the water, it's the flow of nature but the next day another modest bundle of flowers arrive and she can't control the thump in her chest and the smile on her lips.
She doesn't anticipate more because she's never been courted and it would be ridiculous for her to be this late in her life, she has Uk and those that she considers dear friends and that is enough.
Or so she convinced herself a long time ago when the man she loved gave his heart happily to another. There is no resentment or true jealousy because without that painful relation, her precious boy would have never been brought into this world. But she gave up on finding someone to love like that a long time ago, Uk was so young and she was all he had in this cold world.
"Ma'am, you have a guest."
She shakes her head, clearing her mind of unnecessary thoughts. Master Lee is being kind that was all, it was foolish to attach deeper meanings to his innocent actions.
"Let them in."
"Yes, ma'am."
She stands up smoothing her dress although there isn't a wrinkle in sight, a nervous habit that she isn't quite sure why it's presenting itself now.
She swallows the gasp she almost releases as the guest enters the room.
Speak of the devil.
Master Lee enters with all the grace and poise of a man of his standing, the bright fuchsia of the scarf she gifted him peeking from beneath his robes. She never expected him to take such a liking to it as to wear it habitually but it does warm her heart each time she sees him.
She bows modestly greeting him.
His smooth voice fills her ears immediately.
"Maidservant Kim, you look lovely. I apologize for not bringing any flowers today but your beauty would have far surpassed them so it was for the best it seems."'
She keeps her head lowered mostly due to her embarrassment, no one besides her Uk has ever commented on her looks in a complimentary fashion. She's more used to jokes about her looks and feigning indifference to the offhand comments that are made in pure jest but still scar her deeply.
"You're too kind.There's no need to flatter me."
There is pressure on her chin and then her head is lifted up and they are eye to eye.
She can almost feel the sincerity pouring off him as easily as the power he emits.
"I am not one for flattery. I wish I did not think such things in your presence it goes against my teaching and everything I know but I find myself powerless when you are near me."
She is without words. These words are for her and her alone, it doesn't feel real that a man would be brought to such emotion because of her.
"You shouldn't say such things, I might misunderstand your intentions." She offers him a final opportunity to undo what has been done.
"What is there to misunderstand? My actions have been clear, have they not? Is this not how men court women they are interested in still?"
Courting.
The very word she was avoiding because she did not want to misinterpret and make a spectacle of herself but now he has spoken it aloud and removed any stigma or obscurity.
"Courting?" She whispers in shock, blinking slowly before stepping back with a quick turn, hiding her face once more.
"Yes, if you would allow me I would be honored to court you."
Why? Why did he want to do such a thing? She was a mere maidservant and plain to look at, nothing in comparison to the awe inspiring beauty of the woman who had stolen her first's love heart and still had a hold on Park Jin's even deep from her grave.
"Here. This is for you."
The fragrance fills the room before she even turns around, jasmine and lavender swirling in harmonious waves.
"I gathered these for you as I was procuring the ingredients for my tea. I thought you might like to use them to make tea of your own."
Her heart aches from his thoughtful act, she has never requested anything from him but yet he continues to give her more than she deserves.
"I---thank you."
She responds with her back still turned to him despite knowing that she's being rude. She's too overwhelmed to face him, afraid that she'll become emotional in his presence.
"Maidservant Kim, I apologize if I've offended you. But I could not keep these feelings to myself, I've never yearned for another in my years of training not once, until I met you. If there is even a fraction of you that could come to accept me that would be enough for me."
She gulps at his words that sound so much like a confession, yet another thing she did not have to beg or demand from him it was freely given.
She wishes she were not conflicted and that her heart did not imagine another saying these very words. She had taken solace in her bond with Park Jin and when it grew into something worth she had desperately wished that he would court her, as he had Lady Dow-ha all those years ago but that had never came. He had made it abundantly clear that his role as leader of Songrim would always supercede any affection he held towards her. She had grown to believe that this was all she needed, it was better than nothing and more than she had been offered before.
But was it possible for her to have more? Or was she merely fooling herself?
"I am sorry. I cannot give you an answer now. I need time to think..... would that be acceptable?"
She hears a sigh of relief behind her and then a warm chuckle.
"I thought I would be outright rejected so this is far better than I had hoped."
"You believed I would reject you? Yet you still confessed and brought me gifts?"
There's a small pause before she gets a reply.
"Preservation seemed insignificant beside possibility."
Her heart flutters like a bird that has only just learned to take flight, careful and fragile indeed.
"I shall take my leave. I will await your response, if I do not hear from you within a week your silence shall speak for itself."
A week. To inspect her own feelings and make a great decision.
"Thank you."
"There is no need to thank me. I will take my leave."
She hears shuffling behind her and then the snap of the door closing.
Only then does she turn around and see the bundle of herbs he brought her, but something else catches her eye. She steps closer, reaching out one hand to pick it up.
A hairpin.
She had only mentioned to him in passing that she had seen a hairpin in the market that she had considered purchasing but decided against it, finding it unnecessary for a woman of her age who was far past courtship.
It's just as beautiful as it was that day with intricate weaving and a single jade stone offsetting the shimmering gold leaves.
With shaky hands she brings it to the hair and gently pushes in desperate to find a mirror and see her appearance.
"Ah. Now, I can leave."
She jolts at the voice stepping back at the sudden intrusion, she did not hear the door sliding open or his footsteps.
It was the plight of living with and around mages.
She has to stifle the urge to reprimand him for sneaking up on her.
It's only the look on his face that stops her, eyes filled with wonder and fascination as if he's looking at priceless treasures. She blushes under his watchful eye, butterflies running amok in her stomach.
Then as suddenly as he reappeared he leaves once more.
She lifts the bundle of fragrant herbs and brings them close to her chest, sniffing them to clear her racing mind and jumbled emotions.
She does not visit Park Jin that night feigning fatigue nervous that he will uncover her secret, she sips her jasmine tea alone in the still of the night.
She falls asleep with thoughts of another on her mind.