Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Text formatted like this is written into the report later on by Izuku himself.

Incident name:

Exam exploit

Reported by:

Mei Hatsume

Report:

Okay, so… Wait, Izuku was there, why doesn’t he just do this entry himself? That would be no fun! Anyway, we basically all agreed that the upcoming test would be our undoing. So of course, we were all writing our wills (as one does when death is fast approaching), and overall grieving ourselves. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But Ochako had a big brain moment (shocking, I know) and came up with an idea! We just have to have a natural disaster happen during the exam so that we pass by catastrophe! Then came the glaring problem: none of us exactly have weather quirks…

But the worry didn’t stay long as I had a brilliant idea! No, actually it was my idea, you were just the only one capable of pulling it off. So of course, that led me to making a weather device! Like the Sims4! Yeah, it even electrocutes people sometimes just like in the Sims4…

And ugh! It was sooooo hard to make without Power Loader-sensei finding out! Or at least it would have been! But the fantastic Izu had foreseen this problem! And he suggested that I make it at home instead of at school, that way no one could stop me (my parents travel a lot for their jobs). But I didn’t have the necessary parts at home…

That’s why he planned to steal the things needed from the school! (Though Todo did offer to buy the stuff using “You-Know-Who”’s credit card.) So yeah, the plan worked and we all passed by catastrophe!

Lord, Hatsume… Why do you use so many exclamation marks??

Chapter Text

Text formatted like this is written into the report later on by Izuku himself.

Incident name:

Cigarette circumstance

Reported by:

Tenya Iida

Report:

DO NOT SMOKE! Iida, we do not need a PSA. Now! It’s not like we actually do smoke! We don’t! I simply misunderstood the situation!!

Wait, I’ve been told that I need to start from the beginning of the incident… I’m glad someone told him… I thought that it was pretty obvious!

Okay, so we were all going back to class after lunch. Wait, no. We were already in class after lunch. But the class hadn’t started yet!

When Aizawa-sensei walks in (I worry for his health, he definitely doesn’t get enough sleep), he explains that the staff have found evidence of illegal activity happening on school grounds (specifically he said that the evidence was found in one of the bathrooms.) He requested that whoever was at fault say so or we would all get punished. (I’m not sure if this is relevant or not, but he had muttered something along the lines of “Nezu will be the death of me” and “We really shouldn’t be covering this up.” Though, I might have heard wrong. Also I hadn’t really thought much about it at the time.)

Now you see, during lunch, I, as well as some of the other Dekusquad members, were in fact doing illegal things in one of the bathrooms. Except the bathroom we used was in the D wing as that area was not being used for classes at the moment following Hatsume’s previous failure which left most of that area unusable. Of course, the aforementioned explosion also left the bathroom unusable, but we weren’t there for that purpose. What we were actually using the bathroom for was to temporarily store stolen materials Hatsume needed to make the weather device.

And while I’m not entirely sure, seeing as Hatsume blowing things up is a regular occurrence, I think that this “failure” was done for this exact purpose. (While her explosions are annoying, they’re not usually this bad.) It fried all of the security cameras, and I am not sure what she put into it, but it is making the repair take much longer than it should.

Iida, why do you write so much?? Did I ask for this much detail???

But that bathroom was not in fact the bathroom that Aizawa-sensei was talking about (I had no way to know that of course.) Now I was sure that he was talking about what we had done. It was the only rational conclusion! How was I supposed to know that he wasn’t talking about our crimes?! And as the class representative, I felt it my duty to claim fault for what I thought to be a crime I had participated in, so that my fellow squad members and classmates would not have to suffer! A very noble idea, Iida. But really unnecessary…

I was taken to Nezu’s office, and he explained what the situation was (though not aware that I myself didn’t know what we were talking about.) As he talked, I realized that we were not in fact thinking of the same events. Rather (after asking Izuku about this) I realized that Nezu was referring to something the Bakusquad had done. Which of course, was smoking.

Now, I couldn’t just say “Hey, Nezu? You know how I just said that I committed a crime? Actually, I didn’t. It was someone else.” There’s only a couple ways that could go; he’d feel I was backing out of taking responsibility for my actions and be even more mad at me. That reaction could also lead to the second one (through convincing), Nezu could believe that I didn’t smoke in the bathrooms, but then he’d be suspicious because why would I have confessed if I didn’t already have a guilty conscience.

I’m not sure about others, but in my opinion, stealing is a more severe crime than smoking (though you still should not do either.) So I continued to keep my mouth shut till he was done talking. And at the end, he said that he’d have the incident covered up for me. Of course, I was shocked! He explained that it wouldn’t look good for his reputation, and heavily implied that if there is a time in the future where I could repay him, it would be in my best interest to do so.

Chapter Text

Text formatted like this is written into the report later on by Izuku himself.

Incident:

Animal affair

Reported by:

Todoroki Shoto

Report:

I still feel that Koda should be the one reporting this event… Cry me a river. But whatever.

So y’know, my sperm donor was being a bitch, as per usual. So I was complaining to the squad and Izu started muttering about “weaknesses” and “fears.”

I honestly have no idea what led us to the idea, but we decided to have animals just basically harass him. And of course, that led to us involving Koda. He really didn’t seem too happy about it… Something about “never signing a contract” and “needing a lawyer.” I’m not sure.

So he got birds to poop on He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. And his agency was infested with all types of bugs. Various other animals attacked him out in public too.

Now us humans, we think very highly of our pets. Animals always seem to know better than us. That’s why Nezu is the principal. Did Nezu sponsor you or some shit?? So of course, when the public saw the animals’ obvious discontent with him, they too took alarm.

All in all, it was hilarious.

Chapter Text

Text formatted like this is written into the report later on by Izuku himself.

Incident:

Media matter

Reported by:

Aoyama Yuuga

Report:

I have been told no French for this report!! It’s just easier to understand that way. Anyway! This was an absolutely HORRIBLE experience!

Ochako, Tsu, and I were assisting in a rescue effort as there weren’t many heroes around to help. But once done, Ochako THREW UP ALL OVER ME!!!! How much did she use her quirk??

So of course, I just wanted to DIE! But as that wasn’t much of an option, I went for the next best thing; getting out of there as fast as possible without anyone seeing me! But OF COURSE a reporter had to come up and try to ask us questions!!

And my brain reacted instinctively. I mean, can you BLAME ME?! Yes, very easily, actually. So I ended up using my naval laser on her recording equipment. Luckily dear Tsu reacted fast enough to get all of us (including the reporter) out of there before anyone noticed. So what was that now? Destruction of property AND KIDNAPPING?!

Anyway, in the end Tsu just drowned the reporter, so problem solved! Well… Yeah, that seems understandable.

Chapter Text

Text formatted like this is written into the report later on by Izuku himself.

Incident:

Party proceeding

Reported by:

Shinso Hitoshi

Report:

So apparently the Bakusquad wanted to have a secret party. But knowing the Bakusquad, it's obvious that it didn't stay secret for very long. And soon enough word got to Aizawa-sensei about it. They got community service seeing as party's aren't allowed (not after what they did last time.) They really need to step up their game. We've never been caught having a party. It's really not that hard.

So for whatever fucking reason Denki suggested for them to ask us for help. I knew allowing your boyfriend to hang out with us was a bad idea.

Luckily the Bakusquad collectively has about 2 braincells which were being used by Bakugo to ignore his squad. So no questions were asked.

Then once the party was planned we just got them drunk out of their minds and I wiped their memories.

You can't have your cake and eat it too, I suppose.