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"I love you."
The words left Luka’s lips with such ease that Marinette felt the whiplash of the situation. She couldn't help the panic that settled deep inside her. How could he say the words so nonchalantly? She wasn't ready. Not yet. Marinette felt a weight upon her shoulders, and she tensed under his perceived scrutiny.
"Marinette....?" Luka's face had been a careful expression of peace and acceptance, but as her silence settled in on him, it slowly morphed into a mixture of pain and concern. Marinette quickly realized that she'd been staring at him in shock and had yet to offer any type of response. "Are you...? I'm... I'm sorry if… What I mean to say… is that if you don’t. It’s…"
"No! I mean... yes! I mean..." She gasped, not sure what she was saying. She hadn’t been prepared for his confession. They had only been dating a short while, and though they had gone out numerous times before making it official – it was just too soon. She was wringing her hands together, a nervous tick Luka had noticed recently when she was panicking internally.
Slowly, Luka’s face began to slowly change from pain to amusement as he realized that she had become flustered because of him. It was endearing, watching her come undone by the simplest things, and a slight bit of jealousy wondered how Adrien had never noticed Marinette’s reaction to his presence. "It's okay, Marinette. If you can't say it, too. I understand."
His words caught her off guard. Having never been allowed to feel or think or want something without others expecting more from her.
And Marinette wasn't sure what she had done to deserve him. Luka was too sweet. Too patient. Too understanding of all her flaws and flights of fancy. She had begun dating him in an attempt to move on from unrequited love… and now…
"It's okay to be scared. Feelings are tricky things. It’s why I put my feelings into music. Words don’t express how I feel quite like my guitar does." Luka coaxed her, taking her hand and drawing her slowly into his arms. He was warm and gentle with her, and Marinette let herself fall into him. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and reminding herself that inside him was an endless melody. A rhythm that beat within him.
Marinette felt the muffled rumble against her ear as he continued to speak. "It's okay not to love me, back. It won't change how I feel about you."
She took the time to consider his words. It was okay to not love him. That sounded so foreign to her ears. She’d spent years pining for love. Giving it so freely. Chat Noir wished for her love more than anything, and the constant reminder that he expected her to reciprocate his feelings was overwhelming. Adrien was oblivious to the love she’d poured out towards him…
…and here was Luka. Accepting her for all her insecurities. Loving her unconditionally. Letting her exist in his presence without any expectations. Regardless of her feelings, he would remain steadfast and true. Solid. A cornerstone to whatever house he would help her build… if she would let him.
In his warmth. In his arms. There was safety in this moment.
It was okay to love. It was okay to not love.
As she stood still and silent in Luka’s arms, her thoughts turned towards the blonde boy she had covered her walls and heart with. The center of her existence. The very endless stream of constant flowing thoughts and ideas and failures.
Was that why she couldn't tell Adrien how she felt? Was this why she constantly planned and schemed and fell apart in front of him? She had tried and tried again to tell Adrien how she felt, but each time ended in failure. She had given him her love in all its forms, and he had looked past her and chosen another. He had taken her friendship, her love… and used it for his own gain. Relying on her to do as she always had done – take care of others before herself.
In Luka’s arms, there was security. No empty promise. No deeper meaning. Just the knowledge that he would accept her for what she was and how she felt.
"Thank you." She whispered against him, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders. "I..."
"Like I said. It's okay." He held her close, kissing the top of her head affectionately. And the kiss was so different from any Chat Noir had offered her. She could accept it without fear of leading him on or being misconstrued. It was okay to not love him.
It was in this moment that Marinette realized just how much she wished she loved him, too. Was wishing to love someone the same as loving them? Was wanting to love someone enough?
Marinette wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly and doing her best to stifle the tears that wanted to fall. But she failed. His shirt slowly soaked up each salty droplet, and he didn’t say a word as the peace he offered her melted away her pain.
“Marinette? I’m sorry if I… If I pushed you too far too quickly.” He backtracked, not sure what to make of the crying girl in his arms. He held her and soothed her. “Even so, I can’t take back how I feel.”
She shook her head against him, afraid to look up at him with her bloodshot eyes and wet face. “Please don’t… don’t ever stop being you. Sweet. Kind. Loveable. You.” Marinette squeezed him tightly, and he reciprocated in kind. “I still don’t know how I feel, but I know that I care for you. I trust you.”
And she did. She trusted him with her heart.
Is that why all this time she couldn’t confess to Adrien? Did she trust him not to break her heart? Did she truly believe he could love her back, or was he some unreachable star?
“Thank you, Marinette.” He placed another, lingering kiss on the top of her head. “Let’s go get ice cream.”
“I’d like that.” Yes. Love could grow out of this friendship between them. She could learn to love Luka. No string attached.
And if she didn’t love him like he loved her, he wouldn’t judge her or demand more.
And suddenly she found another word to describe this feeling between them.
Respect.