Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Death the Kid woke up at exactly eight o’clock. He stretched and let out a big yawn before checking his room for anything asymmetrical.

Damn it! What’s that piece of dust doing there! Kid rushed over and removed the tiny particle with a pair of tweezers, carefully disposing of the abomination in the trash bin. That was close, he thought.

Kid got dressed in his usual black suit and combed his hair as he did every day, but something felt off. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it continued to bother him as he ate his breakfast. Kid was so out of it, he didn't even complain about the asymmetrical mess Patty was currently making with the syrup.

“Kid, you okay?” Liz asked looking concerned. “You look like you’re worried about something.”

I shouldn't let them worry, Kid thought. It’s probably nothing anyway. “I’m fine. Just got a lot on my mind today.” Liz frowned, but didn't push. Besides, she was too busy trying to get Patty to stop pouring syrup on the table.

At school, Kid was very distracted. He had a headache and his conscious seemed to be screaming at him that something was wrong. But what? he thought. Is there something wrong or am I just being paranoid? What could it-

“Kid? Are you paying attention?” Dr. Stein asked, interrupting Kid’s thoughts.

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry Dr. Stein,” Kid mumbled. He could feel the other students’ stares. A sudden jolt of pure terror hit Kid and his eyes widened. It was gone as quickly as it had come, but it left his heart racing and his breathing irregular. Stein didn't notice, but Soul was looking at him funny.

What’s with Kid? Soul wondered, staring at the reaper. For a minute there, he looked scared. No, that’s not the word. Terrified.

When class finally ended, Kid rushed out of the room, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Should I tell father? he thought. No. He’d panic if he thought there was something wrong with me. Is there? Why do I feel so scared? What is this?

“Hey Kiddo wait up!” Patty called. Kid turned around and saw Maka, Tsubaki, Soul, Black Star, and his weapons looking at him with concern.

“Dude, you okay?” Soul asked.

“Yeah,” Maka nodded. “You've been acting strange today.” Tsubaki, Patty, and Liz nodded in agreement.

“You better tell us what’s eating you,” Black Star said loudly. “Only I can be allowed to defeat you if I’m gonna surpass God!” Tsubaki sweat dropped.

Oh crap they’re on to me! “Guys I’m-”

“Don’t say you’re fine Kid,” Liz sighed, shaking her head. “We’re your friends. We know something’s wrong.”

Kid sighed, looking away from his friends. “I've gotta go,” and with that he left all of them standing there, wanting an explanation.

Once he got home, Kid rushed into his bathroom and locked the door. What is this feeling? he wondered desperately. What is wrong with me? He looked at his reflection and gasped. It was the first time today he had actually looked in a mirror. He usually tried to avoid seeing the three horrible white lines, but they weren't what he was horrified by. In a hazy red lettering, a message was written over his head. No one else would be able to see it, and no human would know what it meant anyway.

"Kid?" Liz's voice rang from the other side of the door. "Why'd you run off like that? What's going on with you?"

Should I lie? Kid thought, panicked by what he saw in the mirror. Yes, I can't tell anyone. Not even her...

"I'm alright now," he responded, trying to hide the shakiness in his voice. "My stomach wasn't feeling good today, but whatever upset it, I've definitely gotten rid of." The lie really wasn't to big of a stretch anyway: he felt like he really was going to throw up.

"Oh Kid, why didn't you just tell us?" Liz sighed, sounding relieved that it hadn't been anything more serious. 

If you only knew Liz, Kid thought. "Sorry. I wasn't sure what was wrong, so I didn't want anyone to worry."

Liz shook her head. That idiot, she smiled to herself. "Well next time tell me." Liz walked off leaving Kid with his thoughts.

The reaper struggled to breathe. He looked back at the message again, reading it over an over. His heart was practically leaping out of his chest. The message was simple. It read: protecting another. To anyone else (except Lord Death), it would have seemed trivial, but to Kid, it was so much more. The young shinigami knew what these messages meant. His father had taught him about them.

Tomorrow, Death the Kid was going to die.

Chapter Text

Patty had once insisted Kid watch the anime “Death Note” with her. It had been awful. Not the show, he’d found the concept interesting and the suspense was good, but the youngest Thompson sister’s constant badgering hadn’t contributed to an ideal watching environment. “Do you like apples like Ryuk does?” “How come he has wings and you don’t?” “Do you have a notebook like that?”  

There are only so many times a boy can say, “Patty, it's fictional,” before snapping and rushing off to reorganize something. 

One detail Kid did remember from the show was that shinigami could see how much time a human had left to live. Even then he’d been surprised that the highly inaccurate story had something so close to the truth. Reapers couldn’t see humans’ lifespans, but they could see reapers’, in a sense. When a reaper was about to die, what would kill them would appear in the language of death above their head. It gave the dying reaper a chance to prepare and be ready to go when his time came.

Kid was, by no means, ready to die. Then again, Kid wasn’t the average reaper. Most of his kind were born full grown, with no fear of dying. Kid was… well, a kid, and downright terrified.

“Forty-two hours…” he muttered to himself. The number 42 was very significant for reapers, so it was no surprise that a warning message about death would come 42 hours in advance. It didn’t matter really. There was no amount of time he would have been comfortable with. The problem was he wasn’t sure when the message first appeared. Was it when I had that jolt of fear in class? he mused. Or was it there before, I was feeling off all day… So less than 42 hours, possibly by a lot. Possibly less than 24.

Great warning.

Kid hadn’t seen his dad since it started, so at least he hadn’t picked up on anything, but he doubted that he could avoid him forever, especially since he had school today. Although, forever was now less than 42 hours.

“Kid?” Liz called. “Are you feeling okay today?”

No. “Yeah, I’m alright!”

“Well, then can we not be late to class for once?”

“Yeah, one second!” Kid heaved himself off the bed. I die saving someone else… should I even try and change it? What if my dad finds out? What if he already knows? Will he try and stop it? Will I try and stop it? Who will die if I don’t? Who am I supposed to save? Wh-

“Kid. Kid!” Stein once again jolted him out of his thoughts. He had clearly just entered the room so at least the reaper hadn’t missed the lesson entirely.

“Sorry I-’

“Your father wants you to meet him in the Death Room.”

Shit . “Did he, uh, did he say why?”

Stein, like the others in the room, gave Kid a peculiar look at the waveryness of his tone. “I didn’t ask.”

“Right…” Kid stood up, clearly shaking despite his attempts to hide it. Liz met his eyes as he left the room. 

“ Do you want us to go with you?” she mouthed.

Kid shook his head and made his way to the Death Room.

As a child, Kid had played in the Death Room. He’d constructed block towers that were the same on both sides, played hide-n-seek behind the mirror (the only hiding place, which his father pretended fooled him), laughed whenever Spirit got reaper-chopped for saying something inappropriate. He’d loved coming to the Death Room and crawling among the legs of Death Scythes during meetings. He’d felt safe here.

He didn’t feel safe anywhere now.

“You, uh, wanted to see me?” He avoided looking up at his father, towering over him as always, casting the deepest shadow a son could be in.

“Is everything okay Kid?” Lord Death tilted his head at his boy, concern evident in his voice. He only seemed worried though, not distraught.

He doesn’t know… “Yeah, I’m fine.” He knew it wasn’t believable the second it came out of his mouth.

“Are you sure?” His dad was giving him another chance to come clean. He wasn’t going to take it.

“Yeah, there was something asymmetrical earlier, hmm… what was it again-”

“Oh okay glad you’re alright,” Lord Death rushed out. “I just… I dunno.” Lord Death shrugged. “Just wanted to check up on you.”

The younger reaper felt a little guilty for manipulating his father like that, but he was sparing him pain, for now at least.

Kid was walking back to class when the explosion hit. The building shook and he was thrown to the side, chunks of the ceiling pinning him to the ground. The force of the impact combined with the dust floating through the air added a haziness to his vision that was accompanied by a ringing in his ears. Kid blinked and tried to refocus. The ringing subsided and he could hear people yelling and fighting. He managed to rub his eyes free of debris and took in his situation.

The reaper was surrounded on all sides by pieces of building, just beyond which some sort of battle was taking place. Using his soul perception, he could make out meisters and their weapons going up against witches. It was an invasion, and he was pinned down.

And he was minutes away from his death.

Chapter Text

Ch 3:

Kid struggled in his third attempt to lift the rubble off his legs. If he was human, his internal organ would have been smashed, but even as a reaper, he had a huge gash at his waist. Groaning, he was forced to lower the concrete back onto himself as his arm muscles burned. He panted, letting his head fall back, looking around frantically. Through a small gap in the wreckage he could see students fighting witches. He caught a glimpse of Black Star wielding Tsubaki, charging a witch.

Liz, Patty… Kid groaned again, gripping the debris and applying all of his strength. His muscles screamed but he powered through, a final desperate shove sending the concrete flying away from him and freeing his lungs to fully expand.

The reaper stood shakily, ignoring the blood running down his side. He was running on adrenaline and the knowledge that no acts of self preservation would matter. The fighting had moved, leaving Kid alone. He had no idea how long he had been trapped but he staggered in the direction of the E.A.T. classroom. Kid needed to find his weapons and fast.

The D.W.M.A. was in utter chaos. Students and faculty were rushing past in a frenzy, dodging blasts from witches. No one paid much attention to Kid, they were all still in shock. He made his way to the E.A.T. room and felt his heart drop as he found it empty. There was a hole in the upper section leading to outside, likely another entrance point for the witches.

Suddenly, Kid was blasted back with magic, colliding with the desks behind him. He looked up as a silver-haired witch pounced on his chest, laughing maniacally. The reaper didn’t recognize her, but she wore clothing reminiscent of Medusa’s, except that the chest displayed a graphic of a snake forming an arrow.

“The cult of Medusa shall crush the academy!” the witch cackled, raising her hand to blast him again. Kid kicked her off and rolled away from the magic burst she hurled at his face. Without Liz and Patty, a witch was quite the tall order. He darted past her and jumped out of the hole in the wall, landing hard on the stone. He grimaced in pain, the wound on his abdomen still oozing blood. Struggling to stand, Kid looked around the panicked fighting and finally saw his weapons.

Liz was wielding Patty, shooting at witches left and right. Her left arm was cradling her side, nursing some injury Kid couldn’t see. There was a gash on her forehead. Like most of the other students, she was covered in dust and scratches. Kid tried to run to her, but the silver-haired witch landed in front of him, giggling as she blasted him back.

Liz caught sight of her meister as he collided with the wall of the academy. “Kid!” she screamed, but she didn’t think he could hear her. She blasted the witch closest to her and bolted towards her meister.

The silver-haired witch grinned, holding out a long, wickedly sharp jagged blade. She raised it above her head as the pale reaper looked up at her.

“No!” Liz shot the witch in the back and she yelped in pain and surprise.

“Why you little bitch!” the witch bellowed. She spun around and knocked Patty out of her sister’s hands, sending the younger pistol flying. Patty hit the wall in human form and crumpled unconscious.

“Patty!” Liz stepped towards her sister but the witch smacked her across the face with the handle of the blade and sent her to the ground.

The silver-haired witch smiled broadly and raised her blade above her head, glaring at the Thompson sister kneeling in front of her. Liz looked up in fear.

“No!” Kid cried, wrapping his arms around the neck of the witch and pulling her away from his weapon partner. As the witch struggled to breathe, she slashed randomly backwards in desperation. Kid tightened the nook of his elbow while his other hand grabbed the blade’s handle, plunging the dagger into the witch’s chest. The witch’s eyes went wide and then empty as she crumpled to the ground in a lifeless heap.

“Kid, you’re hurt!” Liz scrambled to her feat.

“I’m fine,” Kid forced out. Making eye contact with Liz, he said, “Patty,” and the two rushed to check on their downed partner.

“Patty?” Liz asked desperately.

Patty groaned as she blinked back into consciousness.

“Thank Death,” Kid sighed with relief. His breathing felt tight, but he ignored it. The fighting around them had ceased. The witches that hadn’t been defeated were currently fleeing the scene. Students were slumping with exhaustion. 

“Kid!” Stein called as he ran over. “You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine,” he muttered, waving him off.

“Kid, you’re bleeding.”

“It’s not a big deal…” Kid trailed off as he looked down. The witch’s dagger had sliced into his existing wound from the explosion. The light-headedness he was feeling was not from the high of battle, but rather the low of blood loss. “Oh… That’s… that’s not great…” He stumbled back, his hands slick with blood as he dropped to his knees.

“Kid!” Liz rushed to his side, staring down at him. “Just breathe okay?” she begged, needing to take her own advice as she struggled for air. “You’re going to be okay, alright? You’re going to be okay.”

“No…” Kid muttered, trying to sit up.

“Kid, easy,” Stein insisted. “Stay down, let me try to stop the bleeding.”

“You won’t be able to…” Kid trailed off. He could feel his life slipping.

“Just hold still.”

“Stein…”

“Let me take a look-”

“Stop!” Kid barked. Pain threatened to flood his brain, but he pushed it aside. “It’s not going to work, nothing is going to work.” The reaper propped himself up on his elbows, avoiding looking at the front of his shirt, no doubt soaked in blood. “I’m… this is it. I’m dying.”

“What!” Patty cried, crawling to her meister’s side. “N- No, you can’t die!”

Tears fell from Liz’s eyes. She could see the damage. She knew he was right. “No, no, you’ll be okay,” she lied.

“Liz… I knew this would happen.” Kid coughed. “Reapers get a warning. I knew I’d die today. This is it.”

More tears streamed down Liz’s cheeks. “You… you can’t die…”

“I’m sorry,” Kid said weakly. “It’s okay Liz, it’ll be okay.” He smiled softly at her. “I’m a Death god remember? I know what’s next.”

“Kid… I… I love you,” Liz sobbed, holding him close to her. “I love you, please, please don’t go.”

Kid smiled at her, his eyes watery, and he held her hand. “I love you too,” he whispered.

His eyes closed and Death the Kid was gone.

Chapter Text

It rained at the funeral. Liz didn’t know if it was coincidence or if Lord Death’s emotions could control the weather in the city his soul was tethered to, but she was starting to think it was the latter. Kid would have liked his tombstone. His name was mirrored on top of itself, making it symmetrical.

Everyone kept giving her and her sister condolences, but she felt numb. All of their friends had tried to comfort them, but nothing was helping. Now, she’d found herself standing in Kid’s room alone.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, gazing around her. She hadn’t been in here much before but it still felt different now. Her eyes found their way to Kid’s dresser and she was surprised to see a flash drive. As she approached it, she read the note beside it which said, ‘watch me’. She picked it up and took it to the study, plugging it into the computer, and clicking on the video file.

Kid’s face came into view and Liz choked back a sob. His face was wet and his eyes were red and puffy, but he wasn’t currently crying. In fact, he seemed fairly calm.

“... Okay, here it goes. Today, well tomorrow as I film this, I’m… going to die. It’s okay though, I… I know it’s coming and I know that I’ll die saving someone, so it’ll be worth it. I realized that what’s really scaring me about this is how it will hurt everyone I love, how all of you will feel after I’m gone, so… I wanted to make something for you.

“Stein and Marie, I know you are expecting, I can see the beginning of a soul. You will be tremendous parents. I wish I could’ve had a mother like you Marie. Stein, if you are feeling guilty about not being able to save me, don’t. Like I said, this was meant to happen, no doctor could have prevented it.

“Spirit, you’ve known me almost my whole life. You’ve been there for me when I needed you. I know Maka acts like she’s annoyed by you, but you love her so much and you should never stop reminding her of that. Maybe lay off the womanizing a bit.

“Tsubaki, you are so strong and kind and patient and Black Star couldn’t ask for a better weapon partner. I know he will continue to annoy you, but never lose sight of the way you look at him like no one else does, no matter how many people question it.

“Black Star, I know you’re probably upset that I died before you could beat me, but you outlived death! I know you act like you only care about yourself, but your determination to fight evil and protect those you care about says otherwise. In your attempts to become a god, never lose sight of what makes you human.

“Maka, you are one of the bravest people I know. Never think that you aren’t enough and never let anyone get away with telling you so.

“Soul, your personal strength in overcoming the black blood, stopping the darkness inside of you, your unwavering loyalty to your meister, you are amazing, so just ask out Maka already. Everyone who’s ever met you two, enemies included, knows you’d be perfect together so just go for it. You only live once right?

“Patty, I know this is tough but I need you to be strong. You have brought so much light and joy into my life. Please don’t let this make you lose that. Never grow up fully. Take care of your sister for me okay?

“Dad… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied to you and said everything would be okay, and I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you, but I need you to push through. The world needs you. Make my legacy bringing order and peace to the world. Don’t shut yourself off. Don’t lose that chipper voice. Don’t stop being you just because you lost me. I love you, and I do know that you love me too.

“And Liz… I love you. I love you so much, and I wish we had more time, but I will see you again. Live your life to the fullest, don’t let fear hold you back. I look forward to the stories you’ll have for me.

“Keep everything symmetrical for me will you? Or I’ll have to come back and haunt you all.”

Liz wiped a tear from her face, smiling as the video ended.

“... Sir?” Liz approached Lord Death. “Kid… Kid wanted you to know he loved you, and that he knew you loved him.”

“... I should have said it more…”

“He knew,” Liz insisted.

Lord Death sighed and hugged the Thompson sister, both of them crying together.

Chapter Text

When Stein and Marie’s son was born everyone was filled with joy. The baby was beautiful and happy. He had a natural talent for science like his father, but his emotional state was thankfully more like his mother. He loved crawling around the Death Room and every student at the academy fawned over him.

Stein and Marie named him Cosmas. It meant order.

At Maka and Soul’s wedding, there was an empty space between the groomsmen and an empty seat at the reception. No one had to ask why.

The guests were allowed to take the flower centerpieces home if they wanted to. Lord Death took one to Kid's grave.

Liz smiled down at Black Star and Tsubaki’s first child. “He’s beautiful,” she beamed.

Black Star puffed out his chest. “He’s going to be the greatest of the greats. His name is Gold Star.”

Tsubaki gave the Thompson sisters a soft smile.

Gold. The color of reaper eyes.

“Hey Aunt Liz?” Harmony asked. “Can you tell me another story about Kid when we get home?”

Liz smiled. “Sure honey.” She held the little girl’s hand. “Now let’s go find your mom and then we can see Grandpa Death, okay?” They walked through the streets of Death City, decked out in festive, evenly spaced lights like they were every year during the Day of Order.

Liz and Patty still called it Kid’s birthday.

Liz was old when she died. She’d lived a long life. Her great nieces and nephews adored her. Her friends’ children saw her as family. As she laid in bed and peacefully breathed her last breath, she was ready to go.

She was surrounded by white water dotted with black trees and reeds. There was a mist hanging in the air. She walked to the edge of what she could see, looking past into the beyond, into the afterlife. She hesitated.

“Liz!” a voice called and she turned just as Kid scooped her up into a hug. He grinned at her. He looked older than he had been, but then again she looked younger than she was a few seconds ago.

“You waited?” She asked, tearing up.

“Of course.” He grinned at her.

She grabbed him and kissed him. “Eternity of this huh? Could be worse.”

He chuckled. “We could cross over now, but…”

Liz nodded. “Patty would kill us again if we left without her.”

The two sat down at the river bed.

“I’ve got a lot of stories for you.”

Death the Kid and Elizabeth Thompson held each other and for the first time in history, the banks of the Sanzu river had warmth.

Chapter Text

The first chapter of this fic was published in 2015. I was a high school freshman (not even, it was the summer before). I had just finished Soul Eater and I had gravitated to Death the Kid. At first it was like any other show, but as I found the wonderful fanfiction around it, and specifically around KidLiz, it sucked me in and became one of my favorites. I got frustrated trying to find fanfictions that were exactly what I was imagining, so I told myself I should just write my own. I wanted to start with a one off so there wouldn't be too much pressure to write a solid plot. I wasn't sure if I could go through with actually killing off Kid in the story, so I decided to just publish the set up and decide later. June 2015 the first chapter was posted.

Instantly I hated it. I hated re-reading it. I thought it was horrible and that I had failed. My expectations for myself were so high someone with PhD in English couldn't have met them, much less a kid who didn't even know how to drive yet. I'd built up writing fanfiction as something I'd be good at, something I'd love to do and something that would make me happy. Instead I felt anxious. The idea that other people had read what I considered to be a horrible representation of myself was horrifying. I left it unfinished.

I tried again later. I told myself that the reason I couldn't post the next chapter was because I didn't know where to go from here, which was part of it but I'd already come up with the solution of posting an alternate ending. In February 2016 I posted an actual one-shot, a short idea that I didn't have to elaborate on. At the time, I wasn't proud of it. It still felt like it wasn't me. I was trying to shorten several creative ideas into a quick one-off. I was selling myself short.

I gave up on writing fanfiction, but I continued reading it. I joined new fandoms and read tons of amazing stories and pretended that this fic wasn't sitting here abandoned.

Throughout high school I started slipping. No one noticed because my grades weren't affected and I'd gotten good at hiding it. I was getting worse and worse. I'd spent so long trying to please everyone around me, being so worried with what everyone else thought of me. I didn't know who I was anymore. I tried to describe my personality and only came up with "smart" (not a personality trait) "geek" (your interests aren't who you are) and "nice" (what I could do for other people). It terrified me and I felt lost.

In 2018 I started college, and with it, a vow to myself that I would fight to get to know myself and to manage these feelings.

In October 2019 I started therapy for the first time. I'd done counseling before, but I'd always lied to them and told them what they wanted to hear. I was determined not to do that again.

My therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and major depressive disorder.

The monster I'd been grappling with finally had a name and I was more determined than ever.

My therapist helped me figure out what was holding me back and how to ignore it and go for it anyway. I started owning the fact that I'm "weird" and that's okay, that's cool even. I like that I'm "weird". I'd always wanted to make a voodoo-doll-style plush so I did. It wasn't an assignment, it was just for me. I call him Steven. He is my self-love voodoo doll and he reminds me to go easy on myself. I recreated a real picture of him in pixel form and made him my icon for ao3.

I started writing fanfiction again with a fic called Death Walks Among Us. I'm insanely proud of it. I brag about it in real life, not worrying about what someone will think about me writing fanfiction. The response it got was beyond anything I ever expected. This site is full of kind, supportive people and their words of encouragement have meant the world to me.

I decided that I didn't want this fic sitting unfinished, that even if it wasn't perfect, it didn't need to be. I left the first chapter, and it's notes, unchanged, a testament to how much my writing has changed.

It took five years to finish this fic, or more accurately, it took five years for me to reach a place mentally where I could finish it. I can't go back and give advice to young me, but I can give advice to any of you out there who are thinking of writing.

If only one person likes your writing that's enough, and it's okay if that person is you.

Thank you, rant over :D

-Anickov