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Chapter Text

James

The train compartment is quiet, except for the sound of James’ foot hitting the floor at frequent intervals as his leg shakes. What if Sirius’ little brother doesn’t like him? Will Sirius be upset with him? He really hopes not. Sirius has been talking about his ‘baby brother’ since the day that he met James. It would crush him if they didn’t get along. His leg only started to shake faster as he thought of all of the things that could go wrong. 

“Calm down, James, I’m sure he’ll love you,” Peter says, and James feels his warm hand lightly rest on his Stopping the aggressive shaking. Peter has always been the sweetest out of their group of friends. He always notices when James or the other marauders are upset and he does everything he can to comfort them. 

“Are you sure? I really don’t want him to hate me. Sirius cares so much about his opinion and I really want him to like me.” James asks his friends quietly, looking at the ground to avoid seeing his friends' faces. 

“Of course, he won’t hate you, James. How could anyone ever hate you?” Remus says with his eyebrows drawn together and a small frown on his face. James knows that Remus doesn’t like seeing James like this. He’s always so outgoing and optimistic about everything and he doesn’t typically voice his concerns about anything. 

With the reassurance from his friends, James is much less anxious about the coming meeting. The lessened nerves leave more room for him to feel excited. It is Sirius’ little brother after all. 

Regulus

Regulus could not wait to get on the train. His mother had been ranting about the rules he would need to follow for the past fifteen minutes and he was tired of it. He had the rules memorized already anyways. ‘No interacting with mudbloods or blood traitors. Do not embarrass the family.’ The list goes on and on. Regulus can’t understand why she feels that he won’t listen to her, he’s always done everything she asked of him. Which is admittedly, a lot. 

Eventually, their mother decides that she has gone over all of the rules and looks down at Regulus. “You will not embarrass me as your brother did,” she all but commands in a dangerous voice. 

“Of course, mama” Regulus replies quickly, not wanting to upset his mother. He doesn’t like it when she’s mad at him. He looks at Sirius and sees that he is frowning. Regulus doesn’t understand why Sirius doesn’t just do what their mother says. He thinks it would make his life a lot easier. 

“What are you waiting for?” Walburga asked the rhetorical question with annoyance in her voice. “Get on the train or you’ll be late.” 

After they were excused by their mother, Sirius grabbed his little brother’s hand and pulled him onto the train. Regulus stumbled trying to keep up with Sirius as he pulled him out of their mother’s sight. 

“Are you ready to meet my friends, Reggie?” Sirius asks with a large smile on his face.  He had been talking about his new friends all summer. Regulus was a little bit jealous that Sirius seemed to like his friends more than he liked him, but he still really wanted to meet the people that Sirius liked so much. 

“I’m scared, Sirius. What if they don’t like me?” Regulus said, his eyes fixed on his shoes. 

“They’ll like you,” Sirius said, pulling Regulus into a tight hug. “I know they will, Reggie,” Sirius whispered while still holding him close. Regulus squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop himself from crying as his brother released him from the hug. “You’ve got this, Reggie, they’ll love you.” He smiled at him one last time before opening the door to the compartment. 

James

James hears the door sliding open and he lifts his head to look towards it. What he sees confuses him. It’s just Sirius. He tilts his head, about to ask where Sirius’ little brother is, when Sirius steps to the side, revealing a slightly younger boy with dark curly hair and features startlingly similar to Sirius’. 

“Meet my baby brother, Reggie. Reggie, these are my friends.” Sirius says, looking back and forth between his brother and his friends. James watches him and realizes that Sirius is just as nervous about this introduction as he is. It’s clear to James that Sirius is hoping that they all get on well with his brother.  

“Don’t call me that. My name is Regulus.” He quickly says, his face turning an adorable shade of pink. His hair obstructs James’ view of his face as he looks down, seeming to be very embarrassed by Sirius’ use of his nickname.

James is surprised that Regulus looks so much like his brother. He knew that they would look similar, but he wasn’t expecting this. He has the same curly hair, although his hair is a bit shorter and noticeably neater than Sirius’. Regulus is obviously smaller and he seems to be a lot shyer than Sirius ever was. In fact, James doesn’t think Sirius has been shy a day in his life. 

“Hello Regulus, I’m Remus. It’s nice to meet you.” Remus says, but Regulus isn’t looking at him. He’s looking at James. Well, staring might be a better word for what Regulus is doing. Not that James minds—he finds it kind of cute. 

“Hi, Regulus. My name is James Potter,” he says with a friendly smile. Regulus ducks his head a bit further when James says that, and his first thought is that he wants to protect Regulus. Which is completely ridiculous. What could a twelve-year-old James possibly need to protect an 11-year-old Regulus from? When Regulus peaks back at James and sees that he’s still looking at him he blushes again and looks away.

“Hey James, what did you do this summer?” Sirius says, effectively pulling his attention away from Regulus. 

“I didn’t do much, I spent most of the summer flying around in my backyard. I’m trying out for the quidditch team so I wanted to get in some extra practice.” He says with an excited smile. “How about you?” 

Sirius responded, saying something about having to spend the whole summer with a private tutor and they continue their conversation. When James glances toward Regulus, he’s already looking at him. Regulus quickly turns back to his discussion with Remus and Peter and pretends he wasn’t looking at him. James smiles softly before focusing on Sirius and their plans for the new school year.

When the train slowed to a stop at Hogwarts Regulus stared so intently out the window that James couldn’t stop the chuckle from escaping his lips at the awestruck expression on his face. Regulus turns when he hears James laughing and he glares at him. 

“Hey Reggie, let’s get off the train. You don’t want to be late for the sorting ceremony, do you?” Sirius softly teases his brother. James smiles, remembering how much he always wanted to have siblings. 

Chapter Text

SIRIUS

They all step off the train and start heading towards the carriages, except for Sirius and Regulus. “I’ll catch up with you all in a minute, I want to talk to Reggie first,” Sirius calls out to his friends when they stop and wait for him. “Reggie, it doesn’t matter what our parents think. You don’t have to be a Slytherin. It’s okay if you aren’t a Slytherin.” 

“Is it really okay? I’m scared, Sirius. Mother will be upset if I don’t get into Slytherin,” Regulus says. Regulus looks so small when he speaks of their mother. Sirius can’t help but wonder what it would have been like if their parents were good. If they were kind. Would they be happier? 

“Of course it’s okay, Reggie,” Sirius says quietly. “Stand tall out there, Reggie, try to be brave. I believe in you,” he says before he pulls Regulus into a bone-crushing hug. When he finally releases Regulus from the hug, he sees that Regulus has tears in his eyes. “Go make some friends, Reggie. Everyone is going to love you.” Sirius smiles at his brother one last time before nudging him towards where the first years are being sent and walking to the carriages where his friends are waiting for him. 

“You alright, Sirius?” Remus calls out to him as he approaches. 

“I’m good, thanks for asking, Remus,” he says, winking at him. Remus blushes and looks away. Sirius always enjoys flirting with Remus. He thinks it’s hilarious how easily Remus gets flustered. 

REGULUS 

He ends up in a boat with a very talkative boy. He has trouble keeping up with what the boy is saying because he is speaking so rapidly. “-so what’s your name anyways? Mine is Barty,” the boy says. Regulus manages to catch that part, thankfully. 

“My name is Regulus. Regulus Black,” he says to the boy that he now knows as Barty. 

“Regulus? That’s a cool name. What house do you want to be placed in? I hope I get Slytherin. I think it would annoy my father.” Barty says, still talking much faster than Regulus can process his words. 

“My parents want me to be placed in Slytherin,” Regulus responds without even thinking. He hasn’t thought about what house he might like to be in. It might be nice to be in Gryffindor with Sirius, but he’s scared of disappointing his mother. 

The boat reaches the edge of the water with a splash against the dock. Regulus and Barty climb out of their rowboat and join the line of new students that is being formed at the large wooden doors. Regulus stares in awe at the doors as his eyes fall upon a tall woman who is standing in front of them. She states that her name is Professor McGonagall. before explaining the sorting ceremony and how it will work. A magical item called the sorting hat was made by the four founders of Hogwarts to select students for each house. The sorting ceremony would have one student at a time approach the front of what is called the Great Hall, in alphabetical order, and the hat will be placed on their head to read their innermost thoughts and decide which house suits them best. Regulus already knew about the ceremony from the many tales Sirius told him over the summer after his year at Hogwarts. 

“If there are no questions, then let’s proceed,” Professor McGonagall says as she looks over the crowd of children to search for those who are still confused. Seconds later, she speaks again. “Alright children, follow me.” With a big swing of her arms, she opens the doors to the Great Hall and beckons them forward as she starts to march onwards. 

After stepping into the Great Hall with the other first years, Regulus is immediately distracted by the ceiling. It looks like the night sky and he is able to make out some of his favorite constellations before he hears an odd voice singing. When he looks toward the noise, he sees that it is coming from a large brown hat. How odd. Listening to the song, Regulus begins to understand. That is the hat that determines their house.

When the hat finishes the song the older students all cheer, and that reminds Regulus that his brother is in the room. He searches the table with all of the students wearing red and finds his brother already watching him. He waves at Sirius and Sirius smiles back at him. 

“Black, Regulus,” McGonagall calls. Oh. He’s up first. He fixes his posture and walks to the stool, trying to look more confident than he feels. The hat is placed on his head and he looks for Sirius again. Sirius looks just as nervous as he does, but James is smiling and giving him a thumbs up from next to him. 

“Slytherin!” The hat announces loudly. Regulus watches as the smile fades from James’ face. Oh. When he turns to look toward the table that is loudly cheating for him he sees his cousin, Narcissa, softly smiling at him. At least she’s happy for him. 

He walks over to the Slytherin table and sits a few seats away from the next person. “Crouch, Bartemius,” McGonagall calls out. Regulus quickly looks up to watch as the hat is placed on his new friend’s head. 

Only a few moments later, the hat has come to its decision. “Slytherin!” Regulus smiles as his friend rushes over to sit with him. At least he won’t be entirely alone. 

The sorting continues and eventually, a boy asks to sit with them. “Of course, have a seat, mate,” Barty says, happy that another person wants to sit with them. “What’s your name?” he asks him. 

“My name is Evan Rosier,” he replies. 

Barty smiles at him and says “Well, Evan Rosier, my name is Barty and he” Barty says, gesturing towards Regulus, “is Regulus Black. I feel like we are going to be the best of friends.”

After they eat they are led down to the dungeons, where the Slytherin common room is. The three boys are excited when they find out that they are going to be dormmates for the entirety of their schooling at Hogwarts.They eat until their bellies are full and laugh until their faces hurt. Time passes all too quickly and Regulus doesn't notice until he is standing in his new room with the new Slytherin friends he made. As they begin to unpack their belongings Regulus smiles. He feels that this is going to be a good year.

Chapter Text

September 9, 1972

James is on a mission. He and his friends had been brainstorming prank ideas for the year and James wants to research some charms. Peter has always been the best at charms but James can’t help but want to be better. As he approaches the library he hears voices. He steps closer to hear what is being said and is more confused than before. 

“Don’t talk about him like that!” a young boy says. Huh. He knows that voice. Who is it?

“Aw, is the little blood-traitor going to cry?” he hears Snivellus say. James immediately rushes into action, walking swiftly toward where he hears the voices coming from. 

When he walks around the corner James is surprised to see that Snape has a first-year Slytherin boy cornered. As he gets closer he sees that familiar curly hair and startling pale green eyes. Oh, it’s Regulus, Sirius’ little brother. Watching Snivellus talk to Regulus as though he is nothing makes anger rise in James’ stomach. “Oi! Snivellus! Get away from him,” he starts to say as he continues to walk toward the boys. 

“Severus! Leave him alone, he’s just a first year! I can’t believe you,” Lily shouts, visibly upset at her friend’s behavior. 

Snape looks incredibly embarrassed at being caught as he mumbles a response. “Sorry, Lily.” James looks between the two, briefly distracted by the appearance of the girl he likes.

“Hi, I’m Lily. You must be Regulus Black. I remember seeing you at the sorting,” Lily says sweetly as she faces Regulus. He doesn’t say anything, nodding his head as a response as he fixes his gaze on the ground. 

As Lily and Severus walk away, James decides to focus his attention on Regulus again. “Are you okay, Reggie?” he asks, looking at Regulus’ face and then scanning his body for possible injuries. “I’m sorry he bothered you, Snape is horrible,” he says apologetically.

“Don’t call me that. I told you my name is Regulus. Reggie isn’t dignified.” he pauses before continuing his speech. “And I don’t need you defending me, Potter,” he says coldly. 

James is shocked, to say the least. He wasn’t expecting the shy boy from the train to be so… cold to him. He seemed so sweet before. “I-” he starts to apologize, but before he has the chance Regulus is whacking him over the head with a very large book. “Ouch! What was that for?” he says dramatically, not too bothered by pain blooming at the crown of his head. 

“Don’t do that again,” he glares at James with a light flush on his face. “And tell your girlfriend to stay out of my business,” Regulus says before walking away, leaving a very flustered and confused James standing in the corridor outside of the library. 

When James comes to his senses a few moments later Regulus is already gone. James feels odd. He didn’t get upset at all when Regulus hit him even though it really did hurt, which is weird on it’s own. He remembers feeling his face flush as Regulus stared up at him with narrowed green eyes and slightly messy hair. James doesn’t know why. He knows that he doesn’t hate Regulus, because he hates Snape and that is most definitely not how he feels when Snape looks at him. As James ponders the feeling, he realizes that it was almost like how he felt when Lily looked at him. But he can’t like Regulus like that, Regulus is a boy. James needs to talk to Remus. Remus always seems to know the answer when he has a question. 

James walks back to the Gryffindor common room swiftly, opting to abandon his research in favor of getting answers. He doesn’t understand what he’s feeling but he knows that it’s important. He approaches the painting and whispers the password before quickly climbing into the common room. 

“James! What are you doing back so soon? Did you find something interesting?” Peter asks excitedly. 

James shakes his head as he starts to speak, “Nope, I need to talk to Remus though, have you seen him?” he asks, deciding to get right to the point. 

“I think he’s up in our dorm, I haven’t seen him come down,” Peter responds helpfully. James smiles and thanks Peter before rushing up the stairs to his and his friends’ shared room. 

He opens the door and sees Remus sitting on his bed reading. Sirius is nowhere in sight, so James starts speaking. “Remus? Can I talk to you about something?” he says nervously. Remus looks up at him with a concerned expression on his scarred face. 

“Of course, you can always talk to me, James,” he says earnestly. James is thankful for Remus’ kindness. He always knows exactly what to say to make James feel better. 

“I was wondering about something, I- um” he pauses and tries to find the right words. “I feel really weird. I was talking to Regulus earlier, Sirius’ little brother, and my face felt really warm and I was really nervous,” he says. “Do you know why that happened? Do you think Snivellus hexed me before he left? I didn’t see him take out his wand but he could have,” James says with a thoughtful expression on his face as he recounts what happened just a few minutes before. 

“I think you might have a crush, James,” Remus says. 

“A crush? But- but Regulus is a boy. I can’t like him,” James says with his eyebrows furrowed as he tries to understand what Remus is telling him. 

“Oh, James. I didn’t realize. Boys can like boys, it’s perfectly normal, just a bit frowned upon.” Remus says carefully. “It’s okay if you do like boys.”

“But- I also like Lily. Is that still normal?” James says worriedly as he looks at Remus’ face. 

Remus looks serious as he thinks. “I think so. I heard that liking girls and boys was called bisomething. I can’t really remember. But, if there’s a name for it, then it has to be normal enough, right?” Remus says encouragingly. 

“Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks, Remus!” James says as he ruffles Remus’ hair. “I’m happy that you are my friend.” 

Chapter Text

September 17, 1972

“Do you reckon that I could convince Professor Slughorn that I already turned in the paper?” Barty asks Regulus and Evan as they walk toward the great hall for breakfast. 

“I doubt it, he might be old but he isn’t a complete idiot,” Evan replies as he shakes his head. Regulus chuckles quietly as he observes their discussion. He finds them entertaining, and while he doesn’t talk much, they don’t seem to mind how little he adds to their conversations. 

They walk into the great hall together and find their seats at the Slytherin table in the great hall. It doesn’t escape Regulus’ notice that Sirius is very pointedly looking away as he walks to his own seat at the Gryffindor table. Great, his brother is still mad at him. As he piles a few pieces of toast onto his plate and spreads a thin layer of strawberry jam on each slice, he wonders why Sirius won’t talk to him anymore. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it as a letter falls gracefully onto his plate. He recognizes the elegant script on the paper as his mother’s handwriting. He gently opens the letter and feels dread pooling in his stomach as he reads the words written on the paper. 

You have done well. You are not permitted to speak to Sirius while you are attending Hogwarts together. If I hear that you have disobeyed me, there will be consequences. 

Regulus carefully folds the letter and places it in his pocket as he thinks. It doesn’t matter much that he isn’t allowed to speak to Sirius since he hasn’t taken any time to speak to him since he had been sorted into Slytherin. He had even ignored Regulus when he approached him a few days after the sorting. Even with all of that in mind,  the thought of not being able to speak to his brother for the next several months brings tears to Regulus’ eyes. He quickly excuses himself from the table and walks out of the great hall. 

When he makes it out of the great hall he starts to walk at a faster pace, trying to get out of the castle. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe and he feels like he’s suffocating. He stumbles and falls against a wall not too far from the great hall. After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, someone starts to speak to him. 

“Reg, are you alright?” he hears the boy say. “Woah, deep breathes, Reggie, breathe with me,” the boy says. As Regulus tries to breathe with the boy, inhaling deeply and savoring the air that reaches his lungs for what seems like the first time in hours, his vision also begins to clear. He sees concerned brown eyes behind large round glasses and realizes who his savior is. James Potter. 

“I’m fine, go away James,” Regulus says, pouting as though he were still a small child. He didn’t need James to help him. He would’ve been just fine on his own. He always has been. 

When he looks up at James, he seems to be in deep thought. After a moment, James opens his mouth to speak “I’m sorry I bothered you the other day. I didn’t mean to upset you,” James says as he rubs the back of his neck, seeming much shyer than Reg had seen him in the two weeks that he has known him. 

“It’s fine, just don’t do it again. I don’t need you helping me, Potter. Oh, and tell Sirius to stay away from me. Mother says that he is not permitted to speak to me,” Regulus says as he swiftly turns and walks away, not once looking back at the boy he had been speaking to. Regulus Black does not want to have James Potter in his life, no matter how persistent he may be. 

JAMES 

James doesn’t notice Regulus turning to leave as he tries to think of a way to respond to what the younger boy has just told him. When he does look up at where Regulus was standing, he isn’t there. Regulus has already made it halfway down the hallway and clearly has no plans to stop. 

James struggles to understand why Regulus would lie and say that he is okay when he very clearly isn’t. He’s seen people have panic attacks before, he knows what they are. And Regulus Black was most certainly in the middle of a panic attack when James found him. He considers what he knows from his time as Sirius’ best friend. He knows that something bad is happening at that house, but he doesn't know what it is. Sirius doesn’t talk about home much, and when he does it’s always about Regulus. It’s clear to James that whatever is happening at that house is horrible and it is affecting both of the Black brothers. James wants to make it stop. He has to make it stop. 

He needs to tell Sirius. Maybe he will be able to help James fix this. He hurries back to the great hall with a mission. Sirius is going to help him, he knows he will. Sirius loves Regulus more than anything. He hasn’t said so but it’s clear to James. All Sirius talked about for the first few months at Hogwarts was his little brother. James walks into the great hall and makes a beeline for where Sirius is seated at the Gryffindor table. 

“Sirius, can we talk in private? It’s about your brother,” James says quietly, not wanting the others to hear what he’s saying. 

Sirius’ face flashes with concern before it disappears, a blank expression taking its place. “Fine, let’s go back to the dorm. We can talk there,” he says coldly. James doesn’t understand. Why is Sirius acting as though he doesn’t care? He doesn’t have time to continue wondering because Sirius starts to walk away very quickly. James struggles to keep up with him as they nearly run to the Gryffindor tower. Sirius mutters the password to the lady in the portrait and pulls James into the common room. James is very confused. 

“Sirius? Why are we walking so fast?” he finally says as they begin to stumble up the stairs. 

Sirius doesn’t respond until he has firmly shut the door to their shared dorm. “You said you needed to tell me something about my brother. What is it?” he says urgently. 

Oh. He is worried. James swallows before he begins to speak “I ran into him outside of the great hall this morning. He-” James pauses to gather the courage to tell Sirius what Regulus said. “He said that you need to stay away from him. That your mother insisted so,” James finally says. He watches Sirius silently as he processes the information. At the mention of his mother, Sirius seemed to go rigid. James wonders if Sirius is scared of his mother. He doesn’t understand why he would be unless…  Is his mother a bad person? 

“Is that all?” Sirius asks him after a few minutes. 

“Yeah,” James responded quietly. He needs to think. What is happening to Sirius and Regulus? Why would Sirius be afraid of his own mother? His thoughts are interrupted yet again as Sirius turns to leave. 

“I’m going back to breakfast. I want more bacon,” Sirius says nonchalantly as he walks out of the dorm. James wonders how Sirius can do that. How can he pretend that everything is okay and how can he pretend that he doesn’t care when James knows that he does? That he has to care. He always has, and he certainly always will, right? 

Some of his questions are answered later that night. James had been trying to sleep but his thoughts were keeping him awake. He never could set aside other people’s problems and prioritize himself. While he is lying in bed desperately trying to make all of the pieces fit into the puzzle in his head, he hears a noise. At first, he doesn’t know what it is. It almost sounds as though an injured animal has gotten into the room, but that doesn’t sound quite right. He focuses on the noise and realizes that it is coming from Sirius’ bed. Oh, Sirius. He can’t be crying, right? He has to know that James wouldn’t judge him for crying. As he sits and listens to Sirius’ choked sobs, a single thought finds its way to the front of his mind. He never wants to hear Sirius crying again. He won’t let Sirius cry again. He needs to protect him. Right then and there, James decides that he won’t let anyone hurt Sirius. Not even Regulus, even though he needs protection just as much as Sirius does. He can’t help Reg, not as long as he doesn’t want him to. He’ll wait until Regulus is ready, then he’ll protect him too. 

Chapter Text

October 12, 1972

James is so excited that he is nearly vibrating. It’s no secret that he has trouble staying still even at his calmest moments, but when he’s excited or nervous he can never stop moving. Whether it’s tapping his fingers on his desk or pacing around his room, he has to be moving. So, at breakfast on the morning of his quidditch match, he doesn’t even notice the way he shakes the whole bench with his leg. That is, he didn’t notice until it was pointed out to him. 

“James, are you alright? You’re shaking the bench pretty hard. I bit my tongue,” Peter says with a pout. Aw, he hurt Peter. 

“Are you okay, Peter? I didn’t mean to make you hurt yourself,” James says worriedly. He hates when other people get hurt. Especially when he’s the reason. 

“I’m sure he’s just fine, aren’t you Pete?” Remus says with a light tone. It’s nice how Remus always knows when he’s upset. It’s not like he is able to hide all of his feelings, but he likes to think that his deepest thoughts aren’t written clearly on his face. 

He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see what is happening. He sees Frank, another member of the quidditch team, looking at him. “Is it time, Frank?” James says before shoving a large forkful of his breakfast into his mouth. If it’s time to get out to the quidditch pitch he wants to make sure he gets a good bit of his breakfast first. 

“Just about, I’m going early to make sure everything is set up. Meet me and the rest of the team there in 10,” Frank says to him. Ten minutes until his first ever quidditch game. He’s got this. 

He is the youngest member of the team, being a second year, but that doesn’t mean that he’s any less skilled than the rest of the team. James is a little quidditch prodigy. Even at twelve years old, he is better than most of the chasers at Hogwarts. This isn’t just James being over-confident, he just knows that he’s good. 

Students from every house are going to be watching this game. Watching him. Just the thought of it makes James beam. He always has done better with an audience. He loves it, loves having everyone's attention on him. When he peeks out at the stands, he freezes up. This, this is different. He’s never had this big of an audience before. What if he messes up? Oh god, what if he’s horrible? James is starting to panic, just a little bit. He walks along with his team quietly as they walk out onto the pitch with their brooms. 

James has one of the best models. When his father heard that James had gotten on the team, he was so excited he splurged on a brand new top-of-the-line broom for him. James’ knuckles must be white from how hard he is gripping his broom as he glances out at the audience. He refuses to look at his hands to check and instead focuses on the individual people in the stands who are ready to watch the game between Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. When his eyes scan the Gryffindor section he feels a wave of relief. His friends are here, they came to watch him play. He smiles and waves back at them, suddenly feeling much more confident. He’s ready to win his first quidditch game. 

REGULUS

Regulus Black has always loved to fly. The feeling of the wind ruffling his hair and clothes and slapping his cheeks brings him the most peace that he has ever felt. Maybe it’s a bit ridiculous, but being named after a star is a small part of why he loves being in the sky so much. He wants to be among the stars. Many of Regulus’ happiest memories are of him and Sirius flying together. His personal favorite memory is of Sirius teaching him how to fly. Their parents didn’t approve of their children flying. They don’t appreciate anything that could cause them damage. Anything except for their punishments, that is. They never did seem to care that their punishments did more damage to their precious heirs than quidditch ever could. Not that it mattered because nothing his parents said or did ever kept Regulus out of the air. Flying is his favorite escape. 

Regulus was upset when he first learned that he wouldn’t be able to try out for the quidditch team until his second year, but his disappointment faded quickly. He doesn’t mind watching other people fly, although he does wish he was in the air instead. Nonetheless, he enjoys watching quidditch nearly as much as he enjoys playing it. Observing the techniques that the players use and seeing exactly what they do, and every move the players make, fascinates him. So, of course, he jumped at the chance to watch the first quidditch game of his first year at Hogwarts. He wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

He even manages to drag Barty and Evan out of their beds to accompany him to the match. It takes him quite a while to rouse Evan from his deep slumber, but eventually, he gets Barty to jump on him. That does the trick quite nicely. They go to the great hall for breakfast first, having just enough time for a quick breakfast before Regulus insists that they go to the stands and get their seats. He tells his friends that they would have had more time to eat if they had gotten out of their beds earlier, but they just grumble as they go along with his requests. They find a nice section to sit in, one that gives them an excellent view of the quidditch pitch. Not more than a few minutes later the teams arrive on the pitch and mount their brooms. 

It feels as though the air is stolen from Regulus’ lungs when he sees James. James Potter is on the Gryffindor quidditch team. He tries to look away but he can’t help but watch the slightly older boy as he flies with the rest of his team. The match begins, but Regulus hardly notices. James’ hair is even more of a disaster than it usually is but somehow it just adds to his beauty. He is awestruck by the way that James effortlessly flies across the pitch with the quaffle in hand. Even more so after James has made his first goal. Regulus sees him look at his team with a wide smile and he swears that James is the most beautiful boy in the world. Regulus is so screwed. He can’t help but fall for the beautiful boy with windblown hair and a smile so bright that it outshines the very sun in the sky. 

Chapter Text

September 13, 1973

Regulus has been waiting for this day to come for nearly a year. He didn’t mind the wait, it gave him time to get better. Besides, he always has been extremely patient. He supposes he learned his patience due to his childhood. He needed to be perfect. When he wasn’t perfect, he had to be patient until his mother decided that he had earned basic necessities, such as food. Sirius was not nearly as patient as him. He never had been. 

Regulus spent all of his free time over the summer flying. He even managed to convince his mother to buy him a snitch so he could practice playing as a seeker. He’s brilliant at it. His observational skills are nearly unmatched by everyone he has met. All he has to do is watch and the second the snitch comes into view he’s speeding toward it. He’s even practiced tactics such as the Wronski-feint.

 He wishes that Sirius would have helped him practice, but even if he had wanted to, he wouldn’t have been allowed to. Their parents have kept them separated almost entirely ever since Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. They don’t want to risk having Sirius corrupt their perfect son. Whatever the reason, it still hurts that Sirius doesn’t try to talk to him. It doesn’t matter too much. He will get on the team without his brother’s help. 

He’s ready to annihilate the competition and claim his spot on the Slytherin quidditch team. No one is going to stand in his way. There are a few things that he is concerned about. He is barely starting his second year and normally the captains choose older students to go on the team, but he isn’t too concerned. Between his excellent flying and his last name, the captain would have to be stupid not to put him on the team. All of his doubts are insignificant when compared to his skills on the quidditch pitch. 

Once tryouts begin, it becomes obvious that any worries Regulus had were for nothing. He was right about his skills. He’s amazing. None of the other students that are trying out for seeker stand a chance against him. He takes his time flying once he realizes that he has nothing to worry about, instead savoring the way the cold breeze feels on his skin and how beautiful the castle looks from up in the sky. He does catch the snitch, quite quickly, and he continues to catch it every time that follows. He was born to fly. Born to play quidditch. 

The captain ends tryouts after Regulus has caught the snitch a few times and tells him when they plan to practice that year. He is ecstatic, but he hides it well as he thanks the captain and heads to the showers. He can’t help but grin once he is alone. He made it. He made it onto the team. All he wants to do is tell Sirius, but he can’t. The grin falls as he thinks about his brother. He’s hardly a brother at this point, clearly, he doesn’t care anymore. Does Sirius not love him anymore? He pushes his thoughts aside as he walks to the great hall for dinner. He’s famished from tryouts and nothing can stop him from eating a large helping of whatever is being served. 

He walks into the great hall and the Slytherin table cheers. It reminds him of his sorting. He isn’t used to having people cheer for him so he quickly walks to the seat that Barty and Evan have saved for him, trying not to look at the students that had been cheering. 

“I can’t believe you made the team!” Barty says excitedly. “Did you know that you’re the youngest seeker Hogwarts has had in a couple of decades?” he continues his rambling as Evan listens intently. Honestly, they are so perfectly matched that Regulus wonders whether they were meant to be soulmates. Evan doesn’t talk much but he always listens to Barty’s unending chattering and Barty doesn’t mind that Evan doesn’t contribute nearly as much to the conversation. 

Regulus smiles softly at his friends. “I didn’t know that, Barty. Where do you learn all of these odd facts?” he asks his talkative friend. Honestly, Barty’s knowledge of random facts always astounds Regulus. If he put the same effort into his homework that he puts into learning about random things he could probably be the best in their year. 

“Another round of applause for the newest member of the Slytherin quidditch team, Regulus Black,” the captain yells out for the entire great hall to hear. Regulus sinks lower in his seat in embarrassment. When he finds the courage to glance up he sees Sirius has a smile on his face. He hopes that Sirius is smiling because of him, but he doubts it. 

His gaze shifts slightly to the left and he sees James Potter. James isn’t even trying to hide how pleased he is. Regulus wonders why James would be so excited for him to be on the quidditch team, but he doesn’t let himself ponder the question for too long as he watches James give him an exaggerated thumbs up. That boy is so ridiculous. Why does he always have to make a spectacle of himself and why does he want to drag Regulus into it? He meant it when he told James to leave him alone. It doesn’t matter how much he might like James, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. 

Regulus realizes that he has been staring at James Potter for far too long and promptly looks down at his plate. He decides to join the discussion that Evan and Barty are having about quidditch. Neither of them plays quidditch, Barty is much too terrified of heights, and Evan is just not very skilled at flying. Not that he has much of an interest in quidditch anyways. 

Regulus is happy. His friends are proud of him and Potter seems quite pleased at the news as well. He doesn’t feel as alone when James looks at him. Maybe it’s stupid—he shouldn’t care about the boy that took his brother away. That didn’t stop him from sneaking glances at him across the great hall at nearly every meal for his entire first year, and it won’t stop him from doing the same this year. What’s wrong with liking Potter’s smile? 

Chapter Text

February 18, 1974

The year has gone by relatively quickly and, between his classes and his quidditch practices, Regulus has hardly thought about his brother. Okay, that may not be entirely true, but he tries to forget his brother. He really does, if it weren’t for Sirius’ need for attention he would have been much more successful in his efforts. His group of friends, now self-named ‘the marauders’, is always doing things to mess with others and get everyone's eyes on them. 

Regulus has been even more unsuccessful at forgetting James. If that is even possible, that is. He made a very determined effort to not look at James during meals back in December. That lasted about three days before he heard James’ laugh and couldn’t stop himself from looking and watching his eyes crinkle as he threw his head back laughing. After that, Regulus stopped trying. He still doesn’t like James. Not one bit. He just thinks that he is nice to look at, that’s all. 

Today, Regulus has had enough. He has been stuck in the castle for weeks studying and reading in his dorm. There haven’t even been many quidditch practices because of the cold. Normally this wouldn’t bother him very much, but he is losing his mind spending all of his time in the dark dungeons.

 But he refuses to stay inside any longer. He is going to go outside. He picks up the book that he is currently reading, a collection of poems. Regulus has always loved poetry. When he was younger he would always sneak into the family library and search for poetry collections. His favorite poem is one about Icarus. The flight of Icarus has always interested him. Icarus did not heed his father’s warning and instead flew much too close to the sun. In doing so, Icarus brought on his own downfall. The sun melted the wax of his wings and scorched his skin as he fell into the sea and drowned. Regulus believes that he is much smarter than Icarus. He has always listened to his father, and he intends to continue to do so. He will not fall as Icarus did.  The poem reimagines the ending of Icarus’ story, having him live instead, and how even after surviving, he rather would have drowned. It’s better to be a tragic hero than a living failure, isn’t it?

He finds his page as he walks, having very little trouble due to the makeshift bookmark that he has placed in his book. He pauses just outside the door to read the poem that he sees. The title intrigues him, ‘How do I love thee’. 

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. 

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for the right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, all of my life; and, if God chose,

I shall but love you better after death.”

Regulus feels a pang in his heart as he reads the final line. He can’t help but feel that the poem perfectly describes how he feels for James. Regulus wishes he could love James.  He likes him, he really does, but he can’t tell him. He won’t tell him, if he does it will ruin everything. James will hate him just as Sirius surely does. That is, if he doesn’t already hate him. For some reason, Regulus can’t help but feel that he doesn’t hate him. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. 

He begins his walk to the tree he likes to read under, adjusting his scarf to block the cold wind from hitting his face. As he looks up he freezes. James is out here, but he isn’t alone. He’s with a Hufflepuff? Are they talking about something? Regulus’ curiosity gets the better of him and he walks toward where they are standing, only to stop in his tracks abruptly as he watches the girl kiss James. 

Oh.  

He stands there for a moment, his feet stuck firmly to the ground as he tries to urge his body to move. He needs to leave. He doesn’t want to see this. It hurts. Why does it have to hurt so much? It’s not like he thought James liked him. He should have expected that this would happen one day. He had been watching James flirt with Lily Evans since the beginning of his first year at Hogwarts, it was only a matter of time before his interest shifted to someone more attainable. 

Regulus finally manages to look away and he swiftly turns on his heel to begin his walk back to the castle. He doesn't want to read anymore. Maybe he should go back to his dorm, at least then he won’t have to see James again. As a hot tear falls down his cheek he decides that he will not like James anymore. If he pretends for long enough maybe one day he won’t have to pretend anymore. Maybe he just won’t like him. 

JAMES

James Potter does not have a lot of experience with girls. That can be expected, considering he’s only 12 (nearly 13) and has liked the same girl since he was 11. He likes Lily, he really does. He just wishes that she could like him back. 

When a girl comes up to him while he is walking to the great hall with his friends, James is very confused. “James? Can I talk to you, in private?” she asks shyly. That confuses James even more. Why does she want to talk to him privately? He agrees and follows her outside, towards a quiet area near the Black Lake. 

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asks her. He really wishes he could have remembered to ask what her name was before. It seems too awkward to ask now that they have been walking for a few minutes. 

She looks at him with flushed cheeks. James wonders if she’s cold because it is the middle of February and he’s freezing. “I need to tell you something,” she says. James tilts his head to signal that he’s listening and she continues speaking. “I like you, James. I really like you,” she says quickly. Before he even notices her moving she has her lips pressed against his. 

James is very confused but he still kisses her. He’s never kissed a girl before. He’s never kissed anyone before. He always thought that his first kiss would be with Lily. He isn’t upset that the girl is kissing him, but now he feels really bad. He doesn’t even know this girl’s name. He knows that she’s a Hufflepuff, but that’s just because she’s wearing her house colors. 

He pulls away from her, pushing her away as gently as he can. “I’m really sorry, I don’t feel the same,” he says. He watches as her face falls before she turns and runs away. James hates making people sad, but he hates lying even more. He couldn’t lie and pretend that he liked her. He doesn’t even know her. 

As he watches her running away he sees another person walking back into the castle. He would know those loose curls anywhere. The large green scarf is also a dead giveaway that the boy swiftly walking away is Regulus. He really hopes that Regulus didn’t see what happened. He really doesn’t want him to get the wrong idea. 

LILY

“Snape, I need to talk to you,” Lily says, interrupting the conversation that he is having with another Slytherin. She doesn’t particularly care that she is interrupting, Snape has been annoying her enough that she can’t bother with being nice anymore. She’s sick of him standing around outside her classes trying to apologize. She’s already told him to stop. 

Snape follows her away from the other boy, clearly waiting to see what she has to say. Good, at least he knows not to talk. “You need to leave me alone, Snape. I’m done being friends with you,” She says with tears welling up in her eyes. “I thought you might get over your weird blood-supremacy thing but you never did, and I’m tired of waiting for you. Stay away from me,” She says, not allowing him an opportunity to speak before she walks away. She wants to get out of the dungeons, they creep her out. 

 She stops walking when she sees a boy walking through the corridor with his head down. She recognizes that boy. It’s Regulus. He always stands so straight, it surprises her greatly to see how he slouches down and curls into himself as he walks now. What happened to him? 

As she approaches him, she can see why he had been slouching. He has tear stains on his cheeks and his pale green eyes are puffy and red. Seeing his eyes up close she is shocked by how beautiful they are. They are darker around his corneas, but they still are so pale that she wonders if they would glow in the dark. Snapping out of her daze, she decides to speak. “Are you okay, Regulus?” 

“I’m fine,” he says while he looks around, seemingly avoiding her face. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that he isn’t being honest. 

“Are you sure? It’s okay if you aren’t, do you want to talk about it?” she asks genuinely. Her concern must show on her face because Regulus looks away almost immediately after he finally glances up at her face. 

A light flush appears on his pale cheeks as he responds “I don’t need your pity, Evans. I’m fine.” 

“I don’t pity you, Regulus. I just don’t like that you look so upset,” she says with a frown. 

“Really?” he asks her. “I didn’t think any Gryffindors cared about Slytherins. Especially not someone like you,” he mumbles. 

Lily furrows her eyebrows in confusion. Someone like her? “Because I’m a muggle-born?” she asks him. He nods his head so she continues to speak “I don’t like the way that some Slytherins have treated me, but you have never done anything to hurt me. Why should you be punished for something you haven’t done?” she asks him as she frowns. She really hopes that he understands what she means. He doesn’t deserve to be mistreated. Not by anyone. How could anyone ever make such a sweet boy cry?

That seems to get through to him because she sees tears gather in his eyes as he tries to blink them away. She reaches out to him and places a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “It’s okay, Regulus, it’s okay,” she says soothingly. He doesn’t cry. After a minute or so he lifts his head and looks at her again. 

“Have you heard the story of Icarus?” he asks her. Icarus? She doesn’t recall ever hearing about him. 

“No, I haven’t. Will you tell me about him?” she asks the younger boy. 

He grins at that and Lily swears that her heart stops. He is so pretty when he smiles. Well, he’s pretty all of the time, but unbearably so when he smiles. “I have a book about him. Just wait right here while I grab it, you can borrow it,” he says quickly. She agrees and he rushes off toward the Slytherin common room. She can’t stop the giggle that escapes her lips at how adorable he is. She waits for him to come back with the book before she leaves, promising to return the book soon. 

Chapter Text

April 2, 1974

Lily hasn’t stopped thinking about Regulus for the past two weeks. His perfectly curly hair and his piercing gaze won’t leave her head. Not that she minds, she thinks he’s really nice. She just finished the Greek Mythology book that he lent her and she has been looking for an opportunity to return it to him. Lily wonders whether Regulus would mind her approaching him in the great hall. She probably shouldn’t risk it, she doesn’t want to cause any problems. Lily knows what most of the slytherins think of the students like her. Muggleborns. Well, that’s not what they call them.

Lily walks into the potions classroom and finds her seat just moments before Professor Slughorn enters the classroom. “Welcome class, welcome. Today we will be working on a very interesting potion called amortentia,” he starts to say. “Does anyone know what amortentia is?” he asks the students. 

Lily raises her hand and waits for Slughorn to call on her before she responds. “Amortentia is a very powerful love potion. It’s known for its unique scent. The potion smells like what attracts the person sniffing it,” she answers. She remembers reading about amortentia in her potions textbook.  

“Excellent, Miss Evans. I have some amortentia prepared for you all to smell. You may go first,” he says to her. 

She curiously approaches him as he opens the vile of what can only be the potion in question. As she waits, she wonders what she might smell. She considers the possibility that she might smell Regulus but pushes it away. She just thinks he’s cute, that doesn’t have to mean she likes him, right? 

When Lily smells the potion, she is greeted by the scent of vanilla and freshly cut grass. It’s a weird combination but it smells absolutely amazing. She doesn’t know why she smells vanilla and grass at first, but after considering it for a minute she realizes. Oh. It’s Regulus’ really nice cologne and the quidditch pitch. Where he plays as the seeker for the Slytherin team. She blushes heavily and hurries back to her seat, hoping that no one noticed her reaction to the amortentia. 

JAMES

When James gets to the front of the line he is excited. He imagines that he’ll smell something like Lily because he’s liked her for years. He leans close to the vial and closes his eyes as he breathes in. A couple of overlapping scents meet his nose. He can smell grass and dirt, like from the quidditch pitch, and some brilliant vanilla scent that he faintly remembers smelling at some point. He also smells lilies, as ridiculous as that is. He knows why he smells lilies because it obviously could only be because of Lily, but he’s confused. He knows that the vanilla and quidditch pitch-ish scents aren’t her. So why is he smelling those in the amortentia? 

It takes a few moments for James to put it together, but when he does he stumbles backward, as though he can escape the realization by moving away from the scent. He manages to stumble far enough backward that he hits a desk and knocks over a cauldron before regaining his balance. An empty cauldron, thankfully.

“You alright, James?” he hears someone asking him, and when he looks up he sees an incredibly concerned-looking Sirius staring back at him. “I don’t suppose it was Lily that you smelled then, was it?” Sirius asks him. 

James just shakes his head, too shocked by the scent of the amortentia to try to form any real words. Is he really still into Regulus? Hadn’t he gotten over his crush on him? It’s been nearly two years since the two of them have spoken. And he definitely likes Lily. Is it possible to like two people at the same time? He decides that he’ll talk to Remus after class, he’ll know the answer, he always does. He would ask Sirius, but he doesn’t want him to question who the other person is. Sirius wouldn’t be happy about James like his brother. 

When James finds Remus an hour or so later, he’s sitting in the library writing an essay. He approaches Remus and sits down across from him. The movement gets Remus’ attention and he looks up at James. He must see the question on James’ face because he sets down his quill and waits for him to speak. 

“Is it possible to like two people at once? Because I like Lily but I also smelled someone else in the amortentia today,” James says quickly. He always speaks much faster than usual when he’s nervous about something. 

Remus sighs audibly at James’ behavior before answering him. “Yes, James. It’s definitely possible to like more than one person,” he says. “So who’s the lucky person?” Remus asks him.

James looks around to make sure no one is nearby before leaning close before he responds. “I can’t tell you. He doesn’t like me though, so it doesn’t matter very much,” he finally says. Remus accepts James’ response easily, seeming to understand what he is saying. He wonders whether Remus knows who he is talking about; he always has been able to read James so well, it wouldn’t surprise him at all if he did know. 

James mutters a quick goodbye to Remus before turning to walk out of the library. When he does turn, he sees a familiar head of dark curly hair disappearing behind a bookshelf. Oh no. Please don’t let that be Regulus. James hurries to look behind the bookshelf where he saw the person walk and sure enough, Regulus is standing there looking slightly guilty. He feels his face heating up as he realizes that Regulus had to of heard at least some of what was said. “Please tell me you weren’t listening,” he begs Regulus. 

Regulus looks down briefly before raising his gaze to James’ eyes once again. “I didn’t hear much, James. Just that you like more than one person, and don’t bother worrying. I’m not going to tell anyone,” he says while looking away. 

The eye contact makes James think about the amortentia, and how he smelled Regulus, and he finds himself blushing even more. He doesn’t say anything else, instead opting to nod his head at Regulus before walking away. He’s very embarrassed by this entire situation. 

Chapter Text

August 16, 1975

Regulus has been tiptoeing around the house all summer. He knows that his mother has been itching for a fight and he has been avoiding her more than Sirius has been avoiding him. That's really saying something, considering Regulus has hardly caught a glimpse of Sirius’ face all summer. Not including suppertime, of course. Their mother insists that they sit as a family to eat their dinner. He doesn’t understand why, all they do is sit silently as they eat. 

As he walks through the house Regulus looks over his shoulder every few moments, terrified that his mother will see him and decide that he has done something to offend her. Unfortunately, that also means that Regulus hasn’t been watching where he has been walking. When he has almost made it to his room, he looks back one last time and is met with the feeling of his body toppling over on something. He hears it shatter and his entire body tenses. Oh no. 

That was his mother's vase. He can feel the blood draining from his face as he desperately tries to scramble away from the mess. The shards of glass slicing his palms and digging into his skin hardly bother him as he struggles to catch his breath. Regulus hears his mother’s angry footsteps coming up the stairs and his heart begins to pound. He is sure that his mother will murder him for this. There’s nothing he can do, nowhere he can hide. 

He hears a door opening as he pulls himself off the floor. When Regulus turns toward the noise, he sees his brother standing there with a strange expression on his face. “Go to your room and don’t come out, Regulus. No matter what you hear,” Sirius says to him. 

No. Sirius can’t. He can't do this. Sirius can’t ignore Regulus for years and then continue to put himself in harm's way for Regulus.  He opens his mouth to protest but the look on his brother's face makes him close it. There’s no arguing with Sirius once he’s made up his mind. That’s one of the ways that they are similar. 

Regulus stares at his brother helplessly for a moment before turning and swiftly walking into his room. He hears his mother rounding the corner as he softly closes his bedroom door. He is sure that he isn’t breathing as he listens through the door. For a moment, just one moment, he wonders if everything is okay. 

And then the screaming starts. Horrible, gut-wrenching screams that could only be coming from Sirius. Oh god. What is their mother doing to him? Regulus tries to listen to Sirius, he really does, but he can’t stop himself from running out into the hall when he hears the sounds that are coming from his mouth. 

The sight that greets him is almost worse than the screaming. His brother is writhing on the ground as his mother points her wand at him with a smug expression on her face. She’s… enjoying this. Regulus always knew that his mother was horrible but this? This is sick. It’s disgusting. 

He doesn’t give himself time to dwell on it as he throws himself in front of his brother. The screams quiet briefly before starting anew, but when Regulus looks at Sirius his mouth is closed. Oh. He must be the one screaming, he realizes as he looks at the terror on his brother’s face. 

He falls onto his brother, no longer able to hold himself up. Sirius must say something because the next thing Regulus knows he’s being thrown off of his brother and into a wall. He flinches as he hears his brother scream again, this time louder than the last. His vision is blurry from the tears that are falling down his face but he doesn’t look away. 

“Mother, stop! Please mother,” he screams desperately. She’s killing him. Walburga Black is going to kill his big brother. 

Walburga’s face turns toward Regulus and he tenses as he notes the pure rage on her face. “Go back to your room, Regulus. I will be dealing with you later,” she says coldly. 

“I can’t,” Regulus says, feeling his voice cracking as he speaks. “Just let him go, mother. Please, punish me instead. You don’t need him here anyways. I’ll do anything you want, just please don’t hurt him,” he begs his mother. 

The screaming finally stops, and for a moment all Regulus feels is relief. Sirius isn’t dead, their mother didn’t kill him. “Fine. Sirius, you will leave and you will not return. You are no son of mine and I want you gone, immediately,” she practically growls at him. 

Regulus watches silently as his brother walks into his room to gather a few of his things before he starts to help him. Sirius looks at him with confusion but Regulus just shakes his head as he hands his brother the bag. He watches Sirius disappear from Grimmauld place for what he hopes is the last time before he falls to his knees. Sirius escaped. He got out. He’s going to be okay. 

JAMES

James didn’t ask what had happened when he opened the front door and saw that Sirius was standing on his front porch, bloodied and bruised and barely able to hold himself up. He knew. 

He first realized that there was something horribly wrong with Sirius’ home life when he came back from winter break during their first year at Hogwarts covered in bruises. He claimed to have fallen, but that didn’t explain the handprints that were marked on his pale skin. James didn’t push it, instead letting Sirius change the subject. At 11 years old he didn’t know anything about abusive parents. His parents have always been amazing. 

The next time James was reminded of Sirius’ parents was after Regulus’ sorting. When Regulus was sorted into Slytherin James could see how the color drained from Sirius’ face. It was worse after he approached Reggie and tried to talk to him. That was the day that James had to tell Sirius that he couldn’t talk to his little brother anymore. 

James doesn’t know the extent of the abuse. He has never pushed Sirius for details and Sirius has never volunteered any information about it. But he knows, and Sirius knows that James knows. So James doesn’t ask any questions as he helps Sirius limp into his house. He helps his friend onto the couch before moving away to call for his parents. He needs help. Sirius is hurt, badly. 

“Mom! Dad! Help me, please!” he calls desperately as he runs toward the stairs, not wanting to leave Sirius. His parents come to his aid with impressive speed. Terror is etched on their faces as they take in the scene. James has never seen either of his parents look so serious. 

“Oh dear, what happened?” she asks James. He just shakes his head, unable to find the strength to respond as he looks at his injured friend. Fleamont hurries over to them as he summons the healing kit that they keep in their house. James watches his parents as they share a look. 

“Please, you have to help Reggie. I left him there, he needs help,” Sirius begs James’ parents. “She’ll hurt him too. He made her stop.” 

“I think you should owl Dumbledore, Effie,” Fleamont says grimly. Euphemia nods her head before she hurries to begin writing a letter to Dumbledore. 

“Regulus did something, he had to have offered her something. I think she was going to kill me,” Sirius says quietly. James feels his blood run cold. Regulus is still there. 

James gets up and hurries to put on his shoes. He’s going to get Regulus. He can’t leave him there with that awful woman. “James,” his father warns. He looks up at his father with pleading eyes. 

“Please, dad. I can’t just leave him there. He needs us,” he says with tears in his eyes. 

“There’s nothing we can do. We have to wait for Dumbledore. Sirius needs you right now, James. Be here for him,” his father says gently. He looks back at Sirius and sees the terror on his face. He can’t leave him. James nods his head, silently agreeing with his father. 

His mother walks back into the room at that moment and gasps when she sees that James is prepared to leave. “Jamie, what are you doing?” she asks him desperately. 

“Nothing, mom. I was going to get Reggie, but dad talked me out of it,” he says. He hates that he scared his mom so much. It wouldn’t do any of them any good if he went after Regulus and got himself killed. Sirius would never forgive himself, and his parents would probably never be the same. 

James is going to get Regulus out of there. He knows that Regulus might not want to leave but he won’t accept it. He saw how Regulus looked when he told James that his brother couldn’t talk to him anymore. There’s no way that Regulus wants to stay in that horrible place. He needs help, and James is going to save him.

Dumbledore does not send a letter to respond, instead appearing from their fireplace just minutes after Euphemia sent the letter. “Is he here?” Dumbledore asks.

“Headmaster,” James greets him. “Please, we have to help Regulus. He’s still in that house with her,” he begs the older man. His pleading doesn’t seem to affect Dumbledore as he simply nods his head thoughtfully. 

“I don’t believe there is anything we can do, Mr. Potter,” he says, speaking to James. “They may have given up Mr. Black willingly, but I sincerely doubt that they will give up their only remaining heir without a fight,” Dumbledore says seriously. James can feel his heart breaking. No one is going to save Regulus. The adults don’t think he’s worth it. They don’t understand.

James holds Sirius as he cries himself to sleep that night. That’s when James makes a vow to himself; he will never let them hurt Sirius or Regulus ever again. Not if he can help it. 

The next day, Sirius went about his morning as if everything was normal. As though he had always lived with the Potters. He spent nearly the entire morning that way until James’ mother finally stepped in. “Oh, honey. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay,” she speaks very softly, and that seems to shatter Sirius’ facade. He breaks down crying harder than he had the night before.

 James walks out of the room to give Sirius some privacy. Definitely not because he’s broken too. That would be ridiculous. Nothing happened to James. It’s not like he was forced to leave his only brother with a monster. Even so, James softly closes his door before collapsing against it and sobbing as quietly as he can manage. Regulus deserves better. He deserves to be safe too. 

Chapter Text

September 1, 1975

James is trying to watch the sorting ceremony, he really is. But he is also looking toward the Slytherin table between each sorting hoping to catch a glimpse of Regulus. It isn’t like he wants to be so concerned for him, he just can’t help but worry. He doesn’t like people being hurt or in danger. James looked for him on the train but he wasn’t there. As the sorting ends, and dinner draws to a close James realizes that Regulus clearly isn’t coming to dinner. But if Regulus isn’t at dinner, where is he?

He hurries to finish his food and rushes out of the great hall, making up a reason so his friends don’t worry as he jogs back to the dorm. He’ll use the map, it’ll work. They haven’t finished the map just yet, but it does its job quite well. He sits on his bed and opens the map carefully. James scans the entire map looking for Regulus’ name, but he doesn’t find it. Regulus isn’t at Hogwarts. Why isn’t he at Hogwarts? 

James wonders if he should tell Sirius. He doesn’t want to worry his friend but he’s properly panicking over whether Regulus is okay or not. What if he isn’t? What if he doesn’t come back to Hogwarts? Could his parents have had him transferred to a different school? James’ worrying is cut off when his friends arrive back from dinner. James tries to act normal, deciding that he shouldn’t bother Sirius with his worries. He’s going through enough as it is. Unable to keep up the facade around his friends, James pretends to be tired and closes the curtains on his bed. He worries the entire night, only falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning as he’s watching the map for Regulus’ name. 

The next day James isn’t doing any better. Not only is he worried about Regulus, but now he’s extremely tired. Not sleeping much will do that to a person. It’s only 8 AM and James has already checked the map 3 times since Peter woke him up. Honestly, he’s obsessing over Regulus and the map. It truly is surprising that none of his friends have picked up on his odd behavior. He would feel upset about it if he didn’t know that they are trying to focus all of their energy on making Sirius feel okay. 

He walks to breakfast late, looking unusually disheveled as he takes his seat at the Gryffindor table. He doesn’t bother looking at the Slytherin table because he knows that Regulus isn’t there. He does glance at the doors to the great hall every few minutes, hoping that he might walk through them and glare at him. He doesn’t.

He carries the map with him all day so that he can check it between classes. He’s lucky no one has caught him with it yet, considering how reckless he is acting. Just before dinner, James sees Regulus’ name appear on the map. It shows that he’s in Dumbledore’s office. James hopes that means that the Headmaster is going to help him, but he doubts that he will. 

James walks to dinner quickly so he can make it before Regulus does. He sits at the Gryffindor table with his friends, carefully choosing his seat so that he is able to see the doors clearly. He watches the doors for the duration of the meal, but Regulus does not appear. 

After dinner James watches the map intently, just waiting for Regulus to go somewhere alone. It takes a few hours, but eventually, he goes up to the astronomy tower. James wonders why Regulus is in the astronomy tower briefly before deciding that it doesn’t matter. He sneaks out of the dorm, careful to not wake his roommates. Once he’s out of his room, James sprints to the astronomy tower. He stumbles on a few of the stairs before he finally arrives at his destination, sweating and breathing heavily. 

“Potter. What are you doing here?” Regulus asks accusingly. 

“What happened, Regulus? Please,” James begs him. “Why weren’t you here yesterday?” James watches Regulus, trying to find the answers he so desperately seeks. Regulus does not answer his questions as he stares at the sky blankly. 

James doesn’t mind the silence, as long as he knows that Regulus is okay. He stays, walking closer to Regulus as he waits for him to speak. 

Eventually, Regulus says “I broke a vase. I didn’t mean to. Sirius took the blame and- and mother-” his voice breaks and James sees his face crumple as he blinks back tears. “The screaming was so loud,” he says so quietly that James almost doesn’t hear him. But he does. 

James struggles to find a way to respond to that. What do you say to someone that has witnessed something so terrible? “Reg,” he says. That’s all he can say, he’s horrified.

“She was going to kill him,” Regulus says softly as the tears start to fall. “I couldn’t watch her kill him, James. I couldn’t,” he whimpers. James feels tears stinging his eyes and a lump growing in his throat but he tries to push them away. This isn’t about him. Why should he be upset when Regulus is the one that just lost his brother?

James pulls regulus’ shaking body into his and holds him. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay, Reg,” he whispers into Regulus’ hair as his heart breaks. He’s only a year younger, but he seems so small crying in James’ arms. 

“Is Sirius okay?” he hears Regulus murmuring into his shoulder. James considers telling Regulus the truth, the whole truth, but he decides that the truth isn’t what Reg needs to hear right now. He settles for a simple answer, one to let Regulus know that Sirius needs him. 

“He is, he really misses you,” James whispers back. He’s worried that if he speaks at a normal volume that he might scare Regulus away. He doesn’t want him to leave. 

James feels the tremor that shoots through Regulus in response to that and his chest lurches. It physically hurts him to see Reg so upset. James desperately wracks his brain for anything that he could possibly say or do to make him feel better but he comes up empty. He doesn’t know how to make him happy. He settles for tightening his hold on Regulus and just being there. He hopes that it's enough. 

Chapter Text

September 3, 1975

When Regulus wakes up, he briefly thinks that he might have imagined what had happened the night before. Then, he feels his scratchy throat and tired eyes. Oh.

He had cried in front of James Potter. Even worse, Potter comforted him. He held him and told him that everything was okay. But it isn’t. Nothing is okay. Sirius is gone and he’s safe but Regulus isn’t. And he never will be. 

He considers skipping breakfast but quickly scraps that idea when he feels his stomach growling aggressively. Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped dinner the night before. Regulus sneaks into the bathroom with his head down to hide the signs of his emotional outburst from the previous night. At least being a Black gave him something useful, he thinks as he waves his wand and removes any trace of the tears that had freely fallen down his face before. 

Once he is sure that his face looks exactly as it should he leaves the bathroom. 

“Reggie! What took you so long?” Barty asks him energetically. God, Regulus doesn’t understand where he gets all of that energy, especially so early in the morning. 

“Sorry, I was busy getting all pretty for my date with Evan,” he deadpans. Barty looks shocked, which doesn’t surprise Regulus. It doesn’t matter that Regulus and Evan are not into each other, at all. Barty loses any sense of reason when things involve Evan. “What? Are you jealous?” he adds on with a carefully crafted facial expression. The look of horror on Barty’s face breaks him, and he bursts out laughing. 

The laughter seems to wake up Evan, who glances between the hysterical boys curiously before flopping back onto his bed. “Evan! Please tell me you aren’t going on a date with Reggie,” Barty begs his friend. 

“Of course babe, you know that I’m all yours,” he says as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Barty fakes a gag at this, pretending to vomit. The boys begin to laugh all over again before walking out of their dorm room together. 

Sometimes Regulus wishes that Barty and Evan would just get together already, but then he wouldn’t get to mess with Barty anymore. He loves making him jealous, it’s his favorite form of entertainment. Evan never seems to mind, instead simply watching on in amusement as Barty panics. 

They continue their conversation as they enter the great hall. It takes every ounce of Regulus’ resolve to stop himself from glancing at James as he walks past the Gryffindor table to get to his seat. When he does sit, Regulus makes sure to sit with his back to the Gryffindor table. He will not look at the bespectacled boy that held him as he cried. It’s embarrassing. Shameful. He is the heir to the noble and most ancient House of Black. 

He can’t believe that he would stoop so low as to let that blood traitor hold him as he cried. That he held onto him as though it would keep him from leaving. Why did he have to feel so… safe in James Potter’s arms? Regulus is tempted to hide away in the dungeons until James graduates, but he knows that he’s being ridiculous. 

It was a lapse in judgment. A moment of weakness. He’ll be damned if he lets Potter feel pity for him. He’ll have to set the record straight. He does not need James Potter’s help and he never will. He can put his savior complex elsewhere. Save someone that wants to be saved. Someone that will let him save them. 

All throughout his breakfast, Regulus can feel eyes burning into the back of his skull. But he does not break. He doesn’t bother looking, he knows that it’s James. He hurries to finish his toast before leaving the great hall. He doesn’t have to look to know that James has gotten up to follow him. Regulus has always been good at hiding, at blending in. So, he does what he does best. He hides, like the coward he is. The coward he always has been and always will be. 

When James walks out of the great hall, looking around frantically to catch a glimpse of Regulus, he does not find him. Regulus watches from the shadows until he is sure that Potter is long gone. Then, he waits some more. Just in case. 

He doesn’t feel like talking to James right now. He’ll let Potter find him when it suits him. Until then, James will just have to wait. 

Things never seem to go according to Regulus’ plans involving James Potter. Realistically, he knows that James could have guessed that he’d be at the tower. But, his timing was suspicious. Too suspicious. 

“Were you following me, Potter?” he says coldly. He hopes that the answer is no. How could he not have noticed James following him up to the astronomy tower? 

His question is answered when James lowers his head and rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry, I wanted to call out to you but I was worried that you might run,” he explains. 

Regulus simply raises an eyebrow at James. After a few more moments of silence, he decides to speak. “Do you need something or are you just here to stare at me?” he says to James. 

That seems to fluster him because his face goes bright red as he hurries to look away. It takes everything in Regulus to stop himself from laughing as James frantically tries to explain himself. “I- I wasn’t- I didn’t. Not that you aren’t worth staring at, because you are but-” he pauses and takes in a breath. “Oh god. I’m sorry, Regulus. I didn’t mean to stare.”

Damnit. Why is James Potter so adorable? Regulus knows that he must be blushing because of what James just said to him. “Potter. Did you need something?” he says, putting them both out of their misery. 

“I want to talk about what happened yesterday,” James says quietly. He still isn’t looking directly at Regulus. 

“I don’t need your help and I definitely do not need your pity. Feel free to go back to your regular activities, and leave me alone,” he says half-heartedly. For some reason, Regulus can’t find it in himself to make James Potter leave him alone. Maybe he likes him too much. 

James looks at Regulus then, really looks at him, and Regulus feels as though James is looking into his very soul. “Maybe I want to look at the stars,” James says breathlessly, seemingly just as affected by their intense eye contact as he is.

“Really? You never seemed to care about the stars before. What’s changed?” he asks. 

“I’ve always cared. I just wasn’t sure that the stars wanted me to care. But I’m sure now,” James says breathlessly. Oh. Does he really mean it? 

JAMES

James can’t wipe the stupid grin off of his face as he walks back to his dorm in the early hours of the morning. Regulus talked to him. He actually talked to him. Regulus is okay. He’s okay. James can’t wait to tell Sirius, he’ll be so happy.

But….

James can’t tell him. It would break Sirius to know how Regulus is feeling about what happened. He can’t put Sirius through that. He can’t. Not that Regulus would want him to tell Sirius anyways. Everything will be better if James just keeps his mouth shut. He’s never been good at being quiet, but he’ll manage. 

He’d do anything to make sure Regulus is happy. Seeing Regulus cry made James feel like the sun was dying, like his heart was being crushed in his chest. It was horrible. But Regulus was so beautiful, even with tears streaming down his crumpled face. He’s always been beautiful.