Work Text:
“It’s almost like you guys don’t know Soobin,” Beomgyu is looking through the comments.
He is leaned over the wooden table, hand underneath him like it’s a way to cushion his stomach from digging into the outside rim of the furniture. The garnish is too orange against the yellow light coming from the hanglights of the company’s building. Soobin has been running his palms against it without realising.
Soobin is too used to the darker wood he usually sees around. Maybe it has been quite a while, longer than he had thought since they were away from their home country, busy doing tours in North American cities that he’s beginning to question things he usually sees every single day. Like has there always that many vending machines inside? Soobin counted four on the way to the designated room they were told to do the live broadcast in. Four and that was just on one floor.
The older male flicks his eyes to the mobile at the mention of his name. Or at least, at the direction of where the set up is supposed to be. He can’t see the comments Beomgyu is reading from the distance Soobin separately sits back on. That and the blond’s head takes up much of his eyesight. Beomgyu is practically nosing into the mobile phone. Soobin wonders what Beomgyu looks like on screen.
Though he can kind of picture it… kind round eyes that always look like he’s crying, too glittery for it to be normal in Soobin’s opinion is probably busy filtering through the fan’s comments at the moment. He can only guess that Beomgyu’s mouth is slightly open, the whites of his two front teeth teasingly behind the pink of his mouth. With his blond hair now too, he must look like a picture, regardless of looking anything like a perfect painting, Soobin still thinks that Beomgyu probably looks like how he usually does: gentle.
The type of softness that never feels too much, never too fake… just almost inviting. Like a hug. Or an autumn dusk. Or the rain droplets against the car window that travels down, trickling and Soobin always fails to stop himself from wanting to follow a droplet or two with his fingers on the other side.
He lifts his brows when suddenly Beomgyu soon snaps his head back towards him, looking past his hunched up shoulders. The older sits up. Shit. Was he talking to him?
“Sorry,” he blabbers. His eyes blink rapidly, guilty of zoning out. “Did you say something?” He shifts in his chair and stops leaning so far back.
His attention goes to the set up phone, gazing partially at where the comments fly in. The focus is feigned. But it’s better than fully acting like he was lost in his thoughts. Which he was. It doesn’t help that they were thoughts of a group member to be precise. Soobin could only hope Beomgyu had covered him completely, because Soobin isn’t even confident in saying that he definitely was not staring at the back of the blond’s head.
“They were discussing where you slept back at Daegu.” Beomgyu says. There’s something in his voice. As if wanting to point something out secretly. Secrets shared only between the two of them and no one else. Like an inside joke.
It could be, Soobin thinks. It could be if inside jokes are supposed to make your stomach flutter and the tip of your ears flare pink.
Soobin touches it like it itches.
“Oh.” Is all he replies with.
Beomgyu blinks slowly but not as slow as the smile that creeps up on his face after reading Soobin’s expression as a little delirious. The latter wants to say something to keep his act but it gets caught in his throat that he is left to cough it out. Beomgyu goes back to the comments whilst he does.
“Of course we shared the same room.” Beomgyu says to the fans like it's so matter of fact. Soobin is still clearing his throat, letting little grunts in the background to get the little bulb of caught-off-guard-ness melt away.
The staff in front of them narrow their eyes at him. Soobin pretends he doesn’t see it.
Finally Beomgyu leans backwards. Soobin could see himself on the screen after the broadcast lag renders in the change. He looks pink in the face. The fans can blame the coughing fit. Because it was definitely not the nudging of the younger man’s foot under the table that feels ticklish against the bone of his ankle. Nope, definitely not that.
Beomgyu is still talking about the bedding situation for Soobin. “There were two options – well, Soobin said he’d be fine with taking the sofa which obviously my parents didn’t let him. Beside, Toto would have probably pecked at his cage throughout the whole night since a strange person is in his vicinity. So technically three options but the third was quickly disregarded.”
Beomgyu’s hand goes over the two arms of their separate office chair and lands onto Soobin’s lower arm. Despite the AC bumped up high with the summer heat at it’s raging height, it still feels incredibly warm where they are. Beomgyu’s hand on him is not helping,
“So the options,” Beomgyu begins to list. “One, to take my brother's room and my brother and I could share. Or two, Soobin and I could share the bed instead.” Then he takes a pinch of Soobin’s skin in his for a split second before Beomgyu lays an open flat palm over him again. “There’s no way Soobin would let anyone be inconvenienced because of him. He’s like that. So taking my brother’s room is out of the equation. There was really no surprise when he came knocking on my door saying he’ll rest with me.”
“Did we share a bed?” Beomgyu seems to be parroting a question out loud.
Soobin starts to question his vision, sure he needs glasses but is Beomgyu’s eyesight so good that he could see the comments from where he sits? It is highly doubtful but Soobin doesn’t comment on it.
“The first night we didn’t. Soobin took the floor for some reason. I was scolded by my mum when she found out. But is it truly my fault?” Beomgyu’s hands leave him, to press the side of his palm on the middle of his chest, in overdramatics over being put all the blame on what had happened.
“Soobin kept refusing to share beds and practically picked me up to drop me on my own bed when I suggested I should take the floor. He’s stronger than he looks!” There’s a faint set of laughter from him that Soobin couldn’t copy.
Not when the memory strikes him after Beomgyu’s verbal recollection. Soobin’s eyes lowers onto the table again, slightly hiding the expression he has on his face when it hits him; Their closeness that night. The way their breaths tangle into one when Beomgyu didn’t let go of holding onto the back of Soobin’s neck, dragging him into bed accidentally. The older male managed to save himself from crashing onto Beomgyu and crushing Beomgyu from a reflexive extend of his arm that braces them to keep a smidge of space between their bodies.
Soobin feels himself steal glimpses of Beomgyu beside him who is continuously talking but the chatter leaves Soobin’s hearing, focused on the crimson colour of his mouth. If he retraces their step to that night again, Soobin can almost feel when they collide with his for the first time.
“You’re strong.” Beomgyu had whispered under him. It’s almost so shocked, too breathy. Soobin would take offence to it. But his head was emptying at their surprised position.
Beomgyu’s long, darker hair was a mess under him. Some strands covered the side of his face, swept his forehead too but Soobin could see the way Beomgyu’s eyes glistened like how it usually does. That night they were darker. That night they quickly scan over Soobin’s expressions.
Beomgyu didn’t let go of holding onto Soobin’s neck, almost enticing Soobin to swallow whatever lump was in his throat. The lump of yearn to dip lower, nudge Beomgyu’s nose to the side to tilt the younger where he wanted him and to press their lips together. The lump in his throat that Soobin was counting backwards from ten to keep himself from committing.
Whatever that emotion was, it grew all of the sudden. Whatever that emotion was, Beomgyu seemed to want the same because he then rubbed circles on Soobin’s nape who could feel the hair on the back of his neck shoot up, tingling under his touches. Keening.
“You’re still holding onto me.” Soobin changed the conversation, extending the arm that was slowly folding from his weight but Beomgyu only strengthened his hold on Soobin even more, keeping him close.
“That’s the whole point.” Beomgyu said.
Soobin was close to cursing, rolling his eyes and deeming the situation another playful tease from the younger member but then Beomgyu’s voice lessened to a whisper. Broken. Needy. Everything that made Soobin’s stomach swished when it was almost a beg even if it was him who was giving permission; “you can,” Beomgyu opened his fingers then, slotting them in Soobin’s locks.
It was so vague. Two words that made no sense. No actual destination they headed to. No real clear context behind it too.
But they were words, enough for Soobin had to hide the relieved sigh in his throat when let go and acted upon those feelings that were eating him up and did what he imagined in his head.
Beomgyu’s head lolled in liquid movement when Soobin used his other hand to guide him, ghosted directions with the touch of his cheek. Beomgyu’s eyelashes tickled his cheekbones when Soobin erased their unfilled space. Beomgyu’s mouth felt exactly how he had thought they’d be when Soobin eventually took it in between his.
“The second night, yeah…” Beomgyu checks on Soobin for a second. He must have been dazed out for a while once more because a staff member is waving her hands behind the phone to shake him awake.
Soobin shifts once more in his seat, rolling closer to the desk. This way he could actually vaguely see the comments now. He tries to stay attentive as Beomgyu keeps the live broadcast alive beside him.
The younger follows his changed seating, not letting his hands leave Soobin’s arm. They’re hidden under the table. Like this, Beomgyu slides his hands lower, running his index finger onto the heart of Soobin’s palm.
Soobin spins his body half around towards Beomgyu with his free elbow on the table, and the chair swishes to a more comfortable position for Beomgyu to reach over to him. There is no obstacle on the way. Beomgyu can comfortably rest on him, is what Soobin wishes he is conveying.
The latter interlaces their hand under eyesight for a moment. The movement, he hopes, conveys his heart instead.
Beomgyu looks at him a little alarmed before pretending to just play with his mouth, gnawing onto the skin of his bottom lip. The older male tucks his chin onto his other hand on the desk, gazing back at the phone. With the lag he sees the moment happen. With the lag he can see himself practically in full adoration as he watches Beomgyu’s face contort to a look of uncertainty.
Soobin lets his hand go, not forgetting to rub a knuckle or two before he fully moves on.
Soobin picks up where Beomgyu left off, “we did a lot during the second day. They showed me around a lot. Next thing I knew I was too exhausted, I ended up crashing on Beomgyu’s bed.” It's half the truth. Soobin doesn't feel so bad at the ease of flow the fib gets let out.
The owner of the said bed just hums, still a little fidgety in his spot. It’s funny in Soobin’s eyes. Beomgyu seems to be so used to being the touchy one when Soobin starts to do it back, he freezes. And it’s a reaction that gives Soobin’s heart a few extra pump.
How was his bedroom like? someone asks.
Soobin smiles to himself before he notices himself doing it. “It’s like how he is. Clean. He doesn’t get to go home often, so there’s not a lot of things in his room now compared to his room in our dorms.”
Soobin tries his best to remember the layout of the room. He did a quick look over during the first few minutes he entered; all he could vaguely extract from memory was a few old instruments Beomgyu probably indulged in when he he was younger, a few random trophies and medals Soobin never got to take a proper look at. There were also lots of framed family photos, some hanged up on the wall and with some of them having people in it that Sobin didn’t recognise, concluding they were Beomgyu’s extended family or friends he hasn’t yet met.
To get into the deep detail of what Beomgyu’s room really looked like was hard to do despite being in Beomgyu’s house for three days but Soobin could confidently say that meant he took the time being in Daegu to actually see where Beomgyu grew up in rather than cooping up inside – like how he had taken a little tour to see the more mundane thing than focusing on what the place had to offer.
Like Beomgyu’s elementary school, the well that Beomgyu said he spent his childhood in and the diner Beomgyu used to visit and hide away when he didn’t want to attend school because the owner let him. She was this little old lady who never had a son, apparently. Beomgyu said she liked to refer to him as hers and Beomgyu would respond to her when she does.
Soobin kissed him again during then. Maybe it was the sun shining so bright above their head that Soobin swore gave Beomgyu a halo glow, looking like he’s some angelic form that Soobin couldn’t believe he was allowed to be with. But he took Beomgyu’s face cupped into his hands and kissed him tightly on the lips, telling him he loved him.
Maybe Soobin didn’t feel truly worthy to be the one to walk down the same road Beomgyu had taken when he was younger with the blond closely by his side all alone. Maybe Soobin did feel like he was a little out of his head for already declaring his heart. But Beomgyu didn’t want him to pull away when he had to, clinging onto the older male despite their sweaty body feeling clammy and their self smelling like the sun.
Perhaps Soobin personally didn’t feel he was allowed, but Beomgyu showed no signs of letting him go.
At night as well, it was too hard to try and see Beomgyu’s room. On the first night after they broke apart, Beomgyu panting a little under him, Soobin had awkwardly wished him goodnight and hid under the covers on the ground. When they both couldn’t sleep, Beomgyu called out to him and they ended up talking the night away. They talked about everything but the kiss.
Soobin couldn’t look at anything else but the ceiling during then, afraid if he looked to his side he’d see a speck of Beomgyu and remember he just kissed his best friend.
At least on the second night, Beomgyu had told Soobin to push him away if he didn’t want to start anything, inching closer to Soobin’s stagnant body. He broke out of whatever spell he was on when he could practically feel Beomgyu shake as he nervously advanced on Soobin, grinning to himself and finishing the job for him instead. They talked about the kiss during then. They talked about everything. They talked about them; a future. A means of officially being together.
Soobin had already told Beomgyu his heart earlier that day, but he said it again between their collided teeth. He said it again when Soobin laid down next to him on his bed, Beomgyu beside him whispering that he felt the same way for so long.
Soobin said it again, that he loved Beomgyu, but to Beomgyu’s parents before they departed. It wasn’t a request for a permission but more so a declaration. He didn’t know what he expected but a pat on the shoulder by Beomgyu’s father who told him to come back home again was definitely not the casual reply he assumed he would receive.
And Soobin made sure he told Beomgyu again on the way back when Beomgyu confessed he was scared it was just a dream that couldn’t happen in reality. Because it was real. What happened did happen. He made sure Beomgyu remembers by giving him a little piece of remembrance to which Beomgyu gives his reply back the same way every moment when he can.
“It’s nothing empty, though.” Soobin says carefully, still talking about his room. “You take a quick glimpse and you can tell it’s Beomgyu’s, something like that. It has his guitar, pictures of his families…Oh! there’s a box of fanmails too.” Soobin finds the grainy blue box Beomgyu has under his table back home in reminiscence. Soobin remembered thinking how even the clutters didn’t look like mess, but something so deliberate on Beomgyu’s shelves and floor.
“There are some CD’s too, childhood toys. Basically, the room is just filled with things that Beomgyu loves.”
“That’s why I keep saying that Soobin perfectly fits right in.” The comment, coming off with a fluttered snigger, can pass off as a little joke. An inside joke between the two of them. An inside joke that Soobin rolls his eyes at, laughs with Beomgyu too.
Yet he doesn’t miss hunting for Beomgyu’s fingers under the table again, enclose it in his and give him a quick squeeze. A way of Soobin telling Beomgyu he loved him too.