Chapter Text
May 6th, 2028
7:20 p.m.
County Road D.
South Heartland USA
“He's an Accountant turned Philosopher, who says he had a breakthrough after the car crash that nearly claimed his life-”
The sound of the car radio was briefly drowned out by the low boom of thunder in the distance. The storm seemed worse than predicted, but while Edgeworth's GPS was cutting in and out, the regular FM radio seemed to be coming through fine.
Phoenix wasn't worried. Edgeworth said he could drive them to this retreat 'perfectly fine, thank you dear', and so they would get to the retreat 'perfectly fine.' Also, Nick knew better than to put his hand in anything car or driving-related, lest it led to a debate he was slated to lose. So he leaned back in Edgeworth's passenger side, dozing with a blue badger-themed travel pillow around his neck as he zoned to the sound of the storm and NPR interview playing in the background.
“Well it all started when we were visited by this door-to-door salesmen-” The man on the radio was saying.
Outside, the brief flashes of lightning illuminated miles of farmland, broken only by occasional clusters of trees and the distant outline of farm buildings.
“-and I said, Sir, we're in New York City; Tell me where do you think deer live?-”
Lightning lit the sky in a flash of white purple more brilliant than any firework.
“Wright, are you listening to this?” Edgeworth asked.
“Not really no,” Phoenix replied. Fascinating as the search for the fundamental nature of morality, or whatever it was this man had done, must be to some people, Nick couldn't say he found it very relevant to the here and now.
In the driver's side beside him, Miles gave a nod and put a hand to fiddle with the dials. He cut away from NPR, just as the man was saying something about blue bottles, which didn't sound very relevant to his supposed near-death experiences or philosophy to Nick.
The sound shifted to music, international star Hatsune Miku, one of Mile's go-to artists.
Nick was resettling in his seat, trying to remember what the interviewee had been saying about blue bottles when Miles slammed the breaks.
Phoenix was thrown forward, and the car swerved on the slick wet roads, and there was the definite sound of a “ crunch ” as they landed in the ditch, airbags in their faces.
They had hit a deer.
May 7th, 2028
8:30 a.m.
Body's Auto Shop, - garage.
Rubesville,
South Heartland, USA
Mr. Otto Body, the owner of 'Body's Auto Shop,' whose warn and yellowed sign advertises: “Otto's always accurate”, was a hard weather-worn man with thick black stubble and a face like a brick. He wore a blue jumpsuit and cap, both heavily stained with grime and motor oil. His gloves were the worst, whatever color they had been, they were a muddy black now.
He was currently looking under the hood of Edgeworth's car, a cigar between his teeth. The car looked worse in daylight. You could see where the impact with the deer had taken out a headlight, and done more damage to the front of the car than Nick would have thought possible.
Beyond the headlight, and the vague understanding that there was something wrong with the car's insides as well as the outside, however, Nick had truly no idea what Edgeworth and Otto Body were talking about.
There was some small commotion from the waiting room, and Otto Body's son, Jalopy, came out. He was almost as tall as his father, but wiry where Otto was solid. He also wore a blue jumpsuit and cap, though the cap didn't look like it was staying on well. It kept springing off, pushed up by his mass of tight brown curls. Also where his's father's jumpsuit looked oil-stained, Jalopy's looked singed, like he had been on the receiving end of a small explosion.
Phoenix felt better knowing the older man was looking over Edgeworth's car.
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah, yeah, tell Duck Boy to wait while I deal with City Boy here," Otto said, waving him off.
“ City Boy? ” Edgeworth asked.
" Duck Boy ?" Phoenix asked.
"Not you ya lout!" Otto Body said looking to Phoenix, then turned about to his work.
"He means the Mayor," Jalopy said as if that explained it.
It didn't.
Phoenix watched the boy return to the front room of the shop, then glanced at Miles who seemed intent on standing over the mechanic while he did his inspection. He sensed this might take a while, and that he was not going to be very useful.
And it might only be May, but it's getting a bit hot to be outside in this three-piece suit...
He cleared his throat: “Miles, do you mind if I-” He gestured towards the air-conditioned room. ”Go on,” Edgeworth said waving him off, then paused, seeming to catch himself, and turned to face Phoenix: “This shouldn't take too long. I will be with you shortly.”
Then Miles turned back to glowering at the man inspecting under the hood of the one thing he had ever truly loved.
Nick chuckled to himself as he turned to go back in, a light in his chest. It meant something, that Edgeworth took the effort to take notice of Phoenix and Phoenix's needs. That he bothered to so the little things, was in itself, a big thing for Edgeworth, for whom the so-called 'little things' had never come naturally, and took continuous effort to do.
It was a trait he shared with Apollo actually, though the source of their mutual social unawareness seemed different; you could still see where it took both of them that extra step to clearly communicate with the others around them. You could see it in the very deliberate way they talked sometimes, having to stop and focus on what they were saying and who they were saying it to.
For Apollo, the issue seemed to come from the almost hyper-awareness of everything and everyone he displayed sometimes. It took him an effort to narrow his focus to one person. For Edgeworth, on the other hand, it was like he had to 'widen' his focus to include other people, where he typically tuned them out by default.
These musing on the duality of lawyers in red lasted as long as it took Phoenix to reenter the front room of the shop. Inside he saw Jalopy back behind the counter, and a man he had never met before but knew to be the mayor.
He knew this because of the huge green sash he wore with the word: “MAYOR” emblazoned across in bright sparkling gold letters. Beneath the sash, he was no less brilliantly dressed, in a purple suit, with a yellow vest and green tie. He had a thick black handlebar mustache, and a purple top hat to match his suit.
Finishing off this truly eye-catching outfit, upon the man's shoulder was a truly ratty-looking gray bird, that Nick would have thought was either dead or dying, if it wasn't for its truly piercing red eyes.
They did not blink.
The creature might indeed be dead, yet the chill those eyes sent down Nick's spine told him he never wanted to get close enough to find out.
“Why Hello There!” The Mayor bellowed and took advantage of Nick's instinctive flinch to capture his forearm.
“- Ack! -”
“You Must Be the New Lawyers Everyone is Talking About!” The huge purple man continued, shaking Nick's arm in the same way a dog shakes a chew toy, “A Pleasure. I'm Mayor Vrik Grebes! and May I Be the First to Say: Welcome to Rubesville, -or as I like to call it- Grebesville USA!”
“Gr-Grebesville?” Nick managed to recover as the Mayor released him.
Did he nickname the town after himself?
“Yes! Named For The Proud Grebes!-” He gestured to the scraggly red-eyed bird on his shoulder,”-Proudest and Most Noble of Ducks. My- Our Proud Town's Proud Mascot and Symbol of Our Pride!”
“Oh... I see...” Nick managed.
If that bird is the symbol of their 'pride' I'd hate to see the symbol of their shame...
Although this did clear up what Mr. Otto Body meant.
Duck boy indeed.
“W-Well, it's a pleasure to meet you sir-” Phoenix began.
“Of Course It Is! Grebesville is rightly Proud of our warm welcomes and hospitality, in which we take Great Pride.”
“Oh great...” Nick heard Jalopy mutter from behind the counter.
“So! What are your two hot shots in town for?” The Mayor continued, “Duck hunting? Duck watching? Duck fishing? You name it we have it! Perhaps you would like to swing down to the Hash House and try our Proud Town's Proud Signature: The Duck Burger?”
“Oh ah, sorry no. We won't be staying very long. We're just here till Edgeworth's car gets fixed- then we really have to get going. ah, thank you for the offers though...” Internally Nick thought that, with the number of burgers he consumed with Maya, he could safely pass on whatever a 'Duck Burger' was.
But what on earth is Duck Fishing?!
Something inside Nick told him he would not like the answer.
“Oh,” The Mayor said, visibly deflating, “Here I hoped you were sportsmen, come up from the city having heard of our reputation as Grebesville USA: The Ultimate Grebes Destination!”
Sir, even looking at one right now, I am not sure I know what a Grebes is.
“Sorry, no. We just got lost on our way up to Destination Lake, there's a lawyer's retreat happening there,” Nick said.
“But you have heard of us as Grebesville USA? Rubesville, the Ultimate Grebes Destination!”
“Ahhh... Sorry, no.”
“Oh...”
Phoenix resisted the urge to flinch as the man wilted further, while the frightening red-eyed bird remained rigid. Staring at him. Watching him.
“But you'll be back!” The Mayor said, suddenly rousing at this ray of hope- “Surely, now you've seen how beautiful and Proud Our Proud Town is! How Proud Our Symbol the Proud and Noble Grebes is! Surely looking upon this Proud Bird you are filled with the desire to hunt it! Yes! To hunt and kill! As any red-blooded American Man would!”
Looking at the bird on the Mayor's shoulder, Phoenix did have to concede he would feel better knowing it and its red-eyed friends were dead.
“Ah yes! I can see it now!” The Mayor boomed on, apparently neither encouragement nor acknowledgment from his audience:
“Two young bucks in their prime! looking for a reprieve from their high-stress jobs. But where to go? Home? Ah! that's no reprieve! At work you're a slave to the corporate ladder, at home you are no less a slave! Shackled in the chains of domesticity. The endless chores, your wife's nagging to: ' spend more time with your children .' Ha! as if that would do you any good?-
The Mayor threw his wide arms out expansively, and Nick flinched back to avoid being hit.
“No! What you need is an escape from all that! An adventure ! To wake up at the crack of dawn and smell the fresh marshland air, your best friend at your side, to do the only thing that makes you truly feel like a man , the only thing that has ever truly satisfied you: Hunting!”
There was a glint in the man's eye, as was clearly taken in by his own fantasy. Behind him, young Jalopy had seemed to take some bored interest.
“Yas! The thrill of the chase! The rush of the kill! To stare down the barrel of your rifle at another living creature, knowing you hold its fate in your hands then... BANG! It's over, the beast has fallen to your might, and you are a Man again.”
There was a long silence.
Young Jalopy stooped down to pick up his hat, as it had popped off his head.
Nick felt himself swallow, very slowly, his mouth slightly dry.
Well... that was... ... ... What the heck is wrong with this guy?!
Nick had literally no idea where to even start . Objections piled over top of each other in his mind all vying for his attention. The first thing that came to the surface was:
Wha-? Best friend? Nagging wife!?! Two years till 2030 this is where you are at!?!
Followed by:
What do you mean 'make me a man again?' When did I stop?!
Finally:
“I don't own a gun and never will. Neither does Edgeworth,” He said, his voice pointedly even and matter of fact. “Now I know we have just met, so you have no way to know this, but we hate guns. Especially Edgeworth. Please do not mention any of this to him. He has had bad experiences with guns. Never bring them up around him.”
“Oh...” The Mayor chuckled nervously, “Sorry, and here I thought... Ahem . Forgive me.”
Nick gave him a nod, accepting his apology, and making a mental note to keep Edgeworth away from him. Miles was in a bad enough mood as it was.
Speaking of Miles...
Otto Body entered from the garage, followed by a positively fuming Edgeworth.
“This is outrageous, highway robbery!” Miles snapped, “I could get the same work done in the same amount of time for half this-”
“-And yer free to do so, Sonny,” Mr. Otto Body said, smugly calm as he came to lean on the counter: “Nothing stopping you from taking it elsewhere.”
The: Except for the fact that my garage is the only one for fifty miles, was implied.
Edgeworth's jaw clenched.
“Duck Boy,” Otto nodded to the Mayor.
“Otto, business as usual I see,” The Mayors smile remained, but it and his voice had gone tight.
“I get by,” Ottos Body shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the hostile energy he brought into the room with him. “Oh, and before you ask Vrik? No. You want that pond scum cleaned up you do it yourself.”
“Dad- ” Jalopy started hesitantly.
“No. Not unless he's paying a living wage,” Otto told his son.
Jalopy wilted slightly. His hat popped off his head.
“But Otto think of the town's Pri-” The Mayor started
“- No, ” The Mechanic said, cutting the Mayor off. “Can it Vrik. Your ideas are just like your shots: Terrible. You're a second-rate Mayor who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Now unless you are here for something other than bothering me and my son, some of us got work to do.”
The Mayor stiffened: “Well, well I... well...”
He seemed to be trying to get something out and failing.
Otto Body turned back to Edgeworth: “Well City Boy? You gonna cough up the cash or am I putting the wreck out on the street?”
“Wreck ?” Edgeworth demanded, his voice taking on a biting edge.
“Whoa, now!” Phoenix said, sensing catastrophe and jumping in on instinct, “Let's- Ahem . What exactly is going on? Miles.”
Saying his first name turned Edgeworth's attention to Phoenix, and away from the mechanic who just insulted the-only-thing-he-ever-loved.
“Whatever the issue is, I'm sure we can figure it out-” Nick began.
“-The 'issue,' Slick , is that your boyfriend here doesn't want to pay me and my boy what we are worth for the work he needs in the time he wants,” Otto Body said. He leaned back against the counter, cigar in hand. He let out a long puff of smoke.
Nick frowned: Does his cigar smell like exhaust? Why would you want that?
“It is fairly simple to work,” Edgeworth said, his voice level, but Nick could tell he wasn't calm. The edge to his voice was sharp as a razor.
Otto snorted, seeming unintimidated: “Yeah, simple , that whole thing is a custom-built nightmare. My price is my price kid. You're free to take it out and work on it yourself, tow it to the next town over. But make up your mind, I got other work to do for people who need it more than you ever will Suits .”
Edgeworth took in a sharp breath, anger flaring.
“Miles, ” Phoenix said warningly and he put a hand on his partner's shoulder. Whatever Edgeworth was going to do, Nick did not want it to be made in a snap of anger.
There was a moment of silence, he felt Edgeworth hold that breath, then slowly exhale, taking some of his tension with it.
Good, breathe, I'm here.
Behind his father Jalopy sat behind the counter, face tense, eyes locked on the floor, his jaw working.
What does he make of all this ?
“Fine. Half up front, and the other half when it's done,” Edgeworth said. His voice back to its normal calm smooth superiority.
Nick exhaled.
Oh, thank god...
He did not support Edgeworth being taken advantage of --unless it was by Trucy-- but he knew that every moment spent dealing with this situation would be bad for Edgeworth. It would be much better to just handle it and debrief in an air-conditioned lodge in the mountains than to try to manage it all here.
Edgeworth was still angry as they left.
“Here,” Nick said, speeding up his steps to keep pace with him, “let's find something to eat.”