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English
Series:
Part 4 of Grade: Zero AU
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Published:
2022-07-30
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2,485
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1/1
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Grade: Zero but if They Had a Groupchat 3: The One Where They Made Iida Say Fuck

Summary:

-Eraserdad has added Present Mic to the chat-

-Present Mic has changed their name to Bird Father-

Bird Father: Heeeeellooooooo everyone!!

Dynamight: dear gods

Pikachu: Mr. Pops! welcome to hell!!

Notes:

welp. here we go again. Im still figuring out tags, and Ive found Im very bad at them. Im also still trying to get myself to ya know. actually write the main fic for these. These oneshots were never supposed to be the main thing. I do have an actual multichapter fic I want to share in this au but like.

writing is hard

Anyway I hope yall enjoy whatever this is. All Praise Twinky The Snake. I might draw her actually she deserves it

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Pikachu: so I was thinking

Women Are Pretty: dont hurt yourself

Pikachu: shut

Anyway I was thinking and now I want to know about Midoriya's parents because theyre also npcs right? And we can meet them. Are they cinnamon rolls too?

Dynamight: his mom is. His dad is both cool and terrifying

The Child: Mom is cool too! She taught me so many things that school didnt bother with, like sewing and recognizing when someone is under a status effect! Dad is. .

Yeah hes kinda scary but so is mom when she's upset.

Dynamight: Ive only seen her cry shitnerd. Ive never seen her mad

The Child: She scares dad when she gets mad at him. Its the one thing he's made sure I know not to do.

Make mom mad.

Knockoff Spiderman: thats terrifying

Pinky: what are their names?

The Child: My mom is Inko and my dad is Hisashi! We all have the same last name. Kacchan calls them Auntie and Uncle though

Pinky: awwww!!! Thats so cute!!!!!

Dynamight: this is the same family who both taught me the cooking skill tree exists and gave me the closest thing Ill ever get to a platonic shovel talk obviously I call them auntie and uncle

What do you take me for? A ungrateful brat?

Pikachu: nah youre just a regular brat

Dynamight: someone just lost their free trial of kneecaps didnt they

Pikachu: right Im running now bye

The Child: I have a question for you guys too! Kacchan has already explained it but I still dont get it. What in the world is a waffle, and why is it supposedly a ripped pancake?

Pinky: this is the best day of my life

Tall Emo: do you mean ripped like torn or ripped like buff?

The Child: I. Do not know. Its what kacchan said but it could mean either.

Spade: have you seriously never had a waffle?? Arent we able to make them with a cooking level of what, 30?

The Child: Kacchan can cook them yeah but we never got our hands on the ingredients until the week before yuuei opened entry and we were more concerned on making sure his pets didnt die while we were gone and that we had all our stuff

Party Rocker: Exbrosion has pets??

Pilfered Silver: exbrosion is a work of art

The Child: Yeah he got this neat little rock thing that boosts his charisma against hostile beings to get them to trust him for the sneak attack crits, but it included animals in what it effects, and he decided to keep half of the ones that we didnt eat.

Pinky: Im in shock. I can barely see him doting on and taking care of you like an overbearing big brother but now youre telling me blasty cooks and keeps pets *Willingly*???

The Child: Yeah?? He likes cool animals and his snake collection, army of spiders and scorpions, and 3 birds are all neat. Twinky is my favorite of the snakes, shes yellow and very chunky

Cat Emo: twinky is my favorite too

Tall Emo: all praise twinky

Bird Emo: what are the birds named

The Child: We have the green and yellow one named Sprite, the white and red one named King, and the purple one named Whisper.

Bird Emo: my brethren

Tall Emo: do you have pictures?

Dynamight: hey nerd shut the fuck up leave the trio out of the fucking class chat

The Child: But I love the trio!! They deserve more fans! King will love them I know it!!!

Dynamight: all 3 of them are utter brats and dont need more people cooing at them like you do every time you see them

The Child: I guess then you dont want any copies of the trio in the matching king, knight, and jester outfits

Pinky: :shaky_eyes:

Pikachu: please please please I need to see this

Spade: I'll admit I'm curious

Dynamight:. . .

Fine. Send them to me

The Child: :)

-The Child has shared 2 images-
[The first is of 3 birds standing on a table with little hats made of what appears to be foam. King with a crown and capelet, Whisper with a psudo-helmet that doesnt go past his eyes and maybe-foam shoulder pads that do look like armor over her wings, and Sprite with a dangly belled jester hat with the tiniest bells youve ever seen]

[The second is of the same birds on the same table but Sprite is shaking his hat while Whisper tries to steal it. King looks vaguely offended that both of them are being so idiotic]

Dynamight: Ill fucking send you to the shadow realm

Pinky: AHHH! THEYRE SO CUTE!!!

The Child: Aren't they??

Women Are Pretty: they act like siblings. Look at King's expression

Pikachu: hes so mad whisper and sprite are fighting over a hat lmao

Spade: King is a mood though

Pikachu: you right

Sus: I love their little outfits!

Where did you get them?

The Child: I made them. My mom taught me how to sew and crafting and foam sure isnt fabric but it was fun to work with.

Party Rocker: damn bro! Thats so manly!!

Pikachu: wait if midoriya can make tiny clothes can he make regular clothes

The Child: Yep! Ive made both kacchan and I clothes when the ones we had got too damaged to work anymore.

YaoMOMo: Do you mind showing me what you know? I also make my own clothes from time to time, both with my quirk and by hand

The Child: Id love to show you!! :D

Eraserdad: whatever you wind up doing better be after class. If I hear my communicator buzz because of this chat when I step through that door Im giving all of you hellions detention

Women Are Pretty: got it aizawa-sensei

Party Rocker: ok Aizawa-sensei

YaoMOMo: Yes Aizawa-sensei.

The Child: Yes sir mr. Aizawa-sensei sir!!

Pikachu: :wheeze:

 

---

 

Cat Emo: dad you gotta do it.

Pikachu: yeah dad-in-law you gotta do it

Eraserdad: I am regretting ever agreeing to this

Kermit: Agree to what?

Pikachu: yall get to meet my pops-in-law and Nyan's pops

The Child: Oh?? But why???

Cat Emo: he thinks you all are funny and dad was complaining about how were all trouble so pops offered to help keep an eye on us since hes also a teacher

The Flash: Which teacher is he if I may ask?

-Eraserdad has added Present Mic to the chat-

-Present Mic has changed their name to Bird Father-

Bird Father: Heeeeellooooooo everyone!!

Dynamight: dear gods

Pikachu: Mr. Pops! welcome to hell!!

The Flash: Chargebolt, please refrain from calling our chat hell. But otherwise, welcome Mic-sensei.

Bird Father: thank you!

Bird Emo: ah. a fellow brother of song and mystery

Bird Father: . Sho.

Eraserdad: no

Bird Father: look at him!! Why not?!

Eraserdad: we have two kids already. we do not need a third

Bird Father: look at my username and say that again!!

Bird Emo: I would not be opposed to being adopted by the bird father

NEITHER WOULD I! HES PRETTY FUNNY -DS

Eraserdad: .

Bird Father: Okay wheres the adoption paperwork? I know for a fact theres some in the teachers lounge but I forget where

Cat Emo: this is the funniest thing ive ever witnessed

-  has added Nedzu to the chat-

Nedzu: I believe they're in Eraserhead's desk. Third drawer down.

Bird Father: thanks Nedzu!

Nedzu: :thumbs up:

-Nedzu has left the chat-

Pikachu: what just happened

Cat Emo: youre getting a second sibling-in-law

Pikachu: no no

I mean who added the fucking PRINCIPAL to the group chat

The Child: He added himself! He's smarter than every npc and pc combined and has access to almost everything. It's amazing.

Dynamight: oi. If you fanboy over the fucking rat like hes all might Ill end you

The Child: He isn't a rat though?? He's a chimera!

Dynamight: whatever just dont squeal about his fur or some shit at me because Im not going to listen

Party Rocker: be nice to your little bro exbrosion

Midoriya is a good guy and if he wants to talk about the people he looks up to I dont see why anyone wouldnt listen to him

Dynamight: then ask him about all mights support equipment. You know the old shit he doesnt use anymore. Go on. I fucking dare you

Pikachu: I gotta go see this. Mido's in his room right now isnt he?

Dynamight: why the fuck would I know that dunce face

Spade: You just seem pretty attached to the golden boy is all

Dynamight: wanna say that to my face copycat

Class Mom #2: How about we all calm down a little bit? We dont need any more fighting right now.

Bird Emo: @Bird Father I have bad news. My partner in bird related endeavors, Hawks, has said that he's already trying to adopt me and would rather not share

Bird Father: NOOOOOO

MY BIRD CHILD :sobbing:

Bird Emo: my apologies. I can be an honorary child if it appeases you but Hawks is of more emotional importance than the username jokes.

Bird Father: Nah, I get it. He had first dibs

So I'll be your uncle!!

Bird Emo: this is acceptable

Cat Emo: damn. would could have had a whole emo family with you, your boyfriend, me, my dad, and our army of cats

Bird Emo: I am still your cousin as it is right now. Technically that still makes us an emo family

Cat Emo: shit you right

Pinky: yall

Pikachu: what? I just found our Im not getting a new sibling-in-law

Pinky: Midoriya talks hella fast. I didnt know *anyone* could speak this fast

-Pinky has added a video file-
[The video is a short 10 seconds of Midoriya excitedly speaking to Red Riot about the capture devices and protective armor All Might used to have incorperated into his costume thanks to a man named David.

Red looks absolutely bewildered but amused. Red can barely keep up with what Midoriya is saying but its adorable how happy it makes him to talk to someone about this]

Pinky: mans speaking like it's going it out of style!

Pikachu: hes adorable???? Oh my gods

Sus: Im omw to join Red with this because wow Mido knows a lot of stuff about All Might

Dynamight: its like hes got a whole encyclopedia of knowledge on all might alone but nooo he knows literally everything about every single hero he gets his creepy nerd hands on

Pepsi/Cola: What do you mean Explosion?

Dynamight: just that zuku is smarter than all you fuckers and you better be very afraid. He could take all of you out in under 24 hours if he wanted to

Pepsi/Cola: How would you know this? Is he some sort of super genius?

Women Are Pretty: I refuse to believe the sunshine child would ever hurt anyone

Dynamight: I dared him to do a full dungeon alone once and he decided the best course of action was to make an entire fucking murder plan for every single bandit npc that was there.

Knockoff Spiderman: I dont see it?? Midoriya is a cinnamon roll

Pikachu: Im sorry he what

Pilfered Silver: nah I wanna know what happened. Theres no way he did that

Dynamight: he spent 2 whole ass days sneaking around learning every single enemies weaknesses and the mine/whatever the fuck it was' hiding spots so he could plant traps and rig the place to blow up if things went wrong

What started as a stupid dare turned into the scariest thing Ive ever seen the fucker do and he didnt even fight any of the bandits. He used their own supplies and poisons if he needed to to kill all of them at the same time over the course of an hour

Knockoff Spiderman: what in the actual fuck??

The Flash: While I would normally not use such crude language I agree. What the fuck?

Pilfered Silver: I reget asking

Dynamight: yeah. And he just spent the last few days learning all of your weaknesses and strengths. The limits of your quirks. The times you log on and off.

Be nice to him because sure I talk a lot of shit but if you take it too far he'll end your entire existence

Pikachu: the real reason kacchan is nice to midoriya

Because hes afraid of him

Class Mom #2: yo I just saw Chargebolt running through the common room screeching like a banshee with Explosion chasing him

ah

-Pinky has changed The Child's username to Secret Genius-

Pinky: there we go!!

Secret Genius: Kacchan!!!! >:((( I cant talk about your super cool quirk and applications but you can talk about my analysis skills?? Thats not very fair!

Sus: yeah explosion! Mido has a point!!

Secret Genius: Kacchan!!!

Kacchan!

Kacchan!!

@Dynamight Answer me Mister!!!

Dynamight: what do you want shitnerd

Secret Genius: You told them my secrets!! And you wouldnt let me talk about your's!!! Thats not fair!

Dynamight: life's not fair squirt. Even if they know youre mega smart it doesnt mean they could stop you or use it against you. You can see right through manipulation and you catch people in lies really easily

But people knowing how my fighting style or quirk works could wind up killing me

Secret Genius: These are our future colleagues! Not villains!! No one here wants to kill you!

Dynamight: so? Whos to say they wont get tortured for the info

The only person I trust not to blab on pain of death is fucking you and only you

Spade: (wow. Insulting the entire class while praising the golden boy)

Dynamight: why the fuck you whispering Im right here

Secret Genius: Kacchan!!! :pleading: do you really mean that?

Dynamight: when have I ever said something I dont mean freckle face

-Cant Stop Twinkling has shared an image-
[A picture taken from down the hall of Midoriya crying in front of the door to his dorm room. Uravity and Red Riot are both next to him as he smiles at his communicator, which resembles a small tablet]

Pinky: twinkle over here coming in clutch with the midoriya updates

Cant Stop Twinkling: :sparkle: ;)

Pikachu: I lived bitches

anyway anyone want to have a game night? I have a ton of minigames we can pick from

Pinky: yes absolutely!!

Sus: Mido and I will be there!

Party Rocker: yeah!! Exbrosion will you join us?

Dynamight: no. We have class tomorrow and I have to go to bed

Pilfered Silver: cmoooon Exbrosion join us for one game

Party Rocker: just one bro? Please?

Dynamight: no

Secret Genius: Please kacchan? Surely you have time for one game before you have to go to sleep?

Dynamight: .

I can see your damn puppy dog eyes through the screen

Fucking fine but only one game

Secret Genius: Thank you kacchan!!! :D

Pikachu: the explosion whisperer

Notes:

Name Key:

Eraserdad: Aizawa
The Flash: Iida
Sus: Uraraka
Kermit: Asui
Pepsi/Cola: Todoroki
Cat Emo: Shinsou
Dynamight: Bakugou
Party Rocker: Kirishima
Pinky: Ashido
Knockoff Spiderman: Sero
Pikachu: Kaminari
Bird Emo: Tokoyami
Tall Emo: Shouji
YaoMOMo: Yaoyorozu
Women Are Pretty: Jirou
Cant Stop Twinkling: Aoyama
Spade: Monoma
Class Mom #2: Kendou
Pilfered Silver: Tetsutetsu
Present Mic/Bird Father: Yamada

The Child/Secret Genius: Midoriya

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