Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Vivid Bad Squad.
An unusual name for a group name, but it’s a name that sticks to your mind. Their goal is to surpass a legendary group; RAD WEEKEND. That night when that group played and sang, it created history on the internet. To say it was awesome was a massive understatement. Many thought of that night as the best band ever. Others thought that night was unforgettable. But to a few, it was a night that inspired many. Those few people wanted to create a night where RAD WEEKEND would be jealous. Many who heard of that dream scoffed at the idea, they were impossible to beat. It’d take a miracle at best to surpass them. 

Yet those that wanted to follow that dream ignored those that scoffed. To them, RAD WEEKEND was their goal. 

Their life.

Their dream.

Their inspiration.

The four members of VBS work tirelessly every chance they get.

Shiraishi An. The one with the most direct connection with RAD WEEKEND. Being the daughter of one of the members of RAD WEEKEND, Ken, she enthusiastically wanted to become better than him, a thought that he encourages and supports with every fiber of his being.

Azusawa Kohane. Partner of Shiraishi An. While the least experienced with music in the entire group, she has natural singing talent for it, a feature An quickly picked up on, it was one reason why they teamed up together. (don’t ask her the other reasons, she’ll make a long speech about it)

Aoyami Toya. The one with the most experience with music in the group, with his early years spent on classical music, he rebelled to street music. Despite being two different categories of music, Toya with his past experience is able to adapt to it with the help of his partner.

Shinonome Akito. While not interested in music at first, his sister was the reason why he was able to see RAD WEEKEND. That night changed him and sparked his passion for it. A passion that further inspired and helped the other three members of the group. One could say he’s the leader (arguable) or the founder of the group in-name only. A passion so strong he dislikes others with a half-ass goal that wants to surpass RAD WEEKEND.

“Alright everyone, that’s a wrap!” An’s voice yelled out.

“Great work everyone, practice went well today.” Toya said.

“I’m beat, I wish I could visit Meiko right now but it’s late.” Akito wiped off the sweat from his head with a towel.

“We could go tomorrow before practice, I heard she’s making a new dessert.” Kohane’s gentle voice replied.

“Count me in then, her desserts are always amazing.”

“Sure, Meiko’s place is always nice and cool.” An gulped down an entire bottle of cold water.

“Sounds like a plan.” Toya nodded at that idea. “We could meet up after school tomorrow.”

The group all nodded at the idea and all got ready to leave.

“Oh Shinonome-kun, don’t forget, please listen to the songs I showed you earlier.” Kohane reminded him with her soft voice and handed him a cd case.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. They’re not my type of genre, but I said I will.”

“Thank you!” she gave a small bow in appreciation. 

“By the way Kohane.”

“Yes? What is it?” she adorably turned her head to the side a little like a curious hamster.

“Why do you call me Shinonome?”

“Well that’s your name isn’t it?”

Akito mentally scoffed at that idea. It was his last name, his family name, a name he inherited from his dad.

“I mean technically yeah, but you could call me Akito instead. Less syllables and easier to say.” he suggested, hinting at the fact he hates his family name.

“Eh? But only people that are close are supposed to say first names.”

“Well you call An by her first name. That and don’t people in the west say people’s first names often?” 

“Well that is true, but it’s too sudden! I don’t think I’m ready to say your first name!” she got a little flustered.

“Well alright then.” Akito suddenly felt a shoe stomp on his foot. “Ouch! What the hell An, what was that for?!”

“You know what you did, teasing my partner like you always do.” 

“You idiot! I wasn’t even teasing this time! I was just talking to her normally until you interfered!”

“An-chan, we were just talking.” Kohane corrected An, who was protective of her.

“You’re just like Ena, you know? Violence first, questions never.” he didn’t want to imagine himself in the same vicinity as those two. It’d be a living nightmare for him.

Just then, Akito’s phone rang. 

“Oh, what now Ena?” He didn’t even need to check the caller. His sister was the only one that called him at this hour. He can’t even remember the last time his dad called him, and all of his other friends and boss usually messaged him.

“Hey Akito?” 

“I’m not going to the convenience store, I just finished practice, and I just wanna go home.” he hastily replied, giving the stink eye to An that just walked away from him. She got lucky, being saved by Ena. This time.

“Nice attitude, and no I’m not asking you to do that.” Akito breathed a sigh of relief.  “Can you pick up some shampoo at Main Street? I ran out and I need a new one.” It was too good to be true. Of course she was gonna order him to get something.

“That’s your responsibility!” he clicked his tongue out loud. “Get it yourself while you’re on the way to school.”

“Classes got canceled tonight. Oh and stop clicking your tongue at me! Rude!” 

“I’ll stop clicking my tongue when you start getting your own crap!” his voice was getting louder. He could see An laughing at him, much to his annoyance. “And if you really need shampoo, just use mine!”

“Ew no! Your shampoo sucks! It doesn’t moisturize hair that well and I heard it doesn’t help with split ends!” Ena replied back, offended at that idea.

“Shampoo is shampoo! Quit being lazy and get your own shit!”

“This attitude is why you’ll never date anyone! This shampoo just came out, and everyone is talking about how smooth and silky it makes your hair. I wanna take a picture of myself after I shower to see how pretty it’ll make my hair.”

“My dating life has nothing to do with you! And that attitude is why you’ll never date anyone! So get your ass off your bed and do your own chores! Just use mine! Shampoo’s basically all the same crap in the end. Wet your hair, put it on your head, rub it, and rinse it off!”

“Hey dumbass, my hair texture is different than your stupid carrot head! And didn’t you listen to me? Your shampoo is basically shit compared to this. Maybe that’s why you suck at studying, putting trash on your head.” Ena insulted with her annoyed tone of voice.

“Oh for the love of- I’m not your damn errand boy! Yesterday I had to pick up milk cuz you used too much of it for your pancakes!”

“Hey I made us both pancakes you ungrateful little shit! That milk is your responsibility too!”

“You didn't even give me half!”

“Hey, you snooze, you lose.”

“I had to wake you up yesterday morning! What the hell do you mean by ‘you snooze, you lose.’?! Not to mention you bitched at me for waking you up loudly!” An was now laughing even harder since she was clutching her stomach with her arms as Kohane tried her best to calm her down.

Ena stayed silent for a few seconds.

“Just shut up and go get that shampoo!” she repeated, ignoring what her dumb little brother just said because she has no comeback for that remark.

“No! I’m not a freaking delivery man!”

“Akito! Just be a good little brother and do what your sister says!” An yelled out, from the distance as she was wiping off some of her tears.

“Oh is that An? Tell my stupid brother to pick up that shampoo!”

“She can’t hear you! I’m not on speaker you idiot!”

“Oh for the love of-, if you get it, I’ll make you pancakes tomorrow morning!” Ena finally lost her patience with her rebellious brother.

“Oh by tomorrow morning do you mean 11:59!? That’s like a third of the day gone for me when I wake up! Not to mention I’ll still be at school! And last week you went back to bed after I woke you up! Twice!”

“Then do a better job of waking me up early, you idiot!”

“You little ungrateful-” 

“Akito, let’s just go. I need to pick something up anyways, let’s just buy it on the way there.” Toya gently put his hands on Akito’s shoulder to calm him down while giving a smile. He was also entertained by these arguments from time to time.

“Yeah, listen to Toya! Thanks Toya! I wish you were my little brother instead of  this brat!” 

“Just send me a photo of your stupid garbage and I’ll get it. I’m only getting it because SOMEONE here actually appreciates me and asked me nicely to go to Main Street!”

“Took your ass long enough to say yes, and hurry!” she hung up before Akito could annoyingly talk back.

“I swear, that Ena is gonna be the death of me. Treating me like some sort of personal slave…”

“I’m sure your sister loves you very much. If she’s asking you to pick something up, doesn’t that mean she trusts you enough to do it?” Toya tried to cheer up Akito.

“Toya, I wish I could think like that, but that’s not how it is. She only “loves” me when it’s convenient for her. Rarely she acts responsible. She’s a brat when I don’t listen to her. Whatever I say to her, I just lose. Times like these are when I wish I was an only child or was the older sibling.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, you’re just not being honest enough.” Toya gave another gentle smile.

“If that’s what you wanna believe then sure, whatever.” Akito shrugged off the comment. “So what is it that you need to buy anyways?”

“Just need to buy ingredients for dinner tonight, we’re having hotpot. There’s a butcher shop near Main Street anyways.” Toya answered.

“Hotpot huh?” Akito was lost in thought.

“Is something wrong Akito?” Toya asked, concerned for his partner.

“Nothing important.” he replied back softly. “I think the last time I had hotpot with everyone was before mom left, I think that was 9 years ago? I wonder what she’s doing now without us. ” he thought to himself about his childhood.

“Man, you argue with your sister a lot huh Akito?” An teased while poking his cheeks.

“Wow, you’re a genius. You should be a valedictorian with that level of observation.” Akito sarcastically insulted, annoyed at her teasing which reminded him of his sister while slapping that finger away as if she was a mosquito about to bite him.

“Oh haha, very funny Akito. Although I am the smarter one. Who’s the one that had to take remedial classes last time out of the two of us?” 

“An, I think that’s enough. Stop starting another fight, Shinonome looks like he’s about to snap. He just had an argument with his sister.” Kohane looked at Akito and saw his veins popping out while his hands were in a fist, his nails looked like they were digging into his palms.

“And who was the one that nearly forgot practice last week?!” 

“That was just one time and you know it! And I was busy studying the night before, that’s why I forgot!”

“Oh by studying do you mean being on your phone before you sleep!?”

“Hey I was totally studying! I was also studying on our opponents we’re going to be performing against next week for our duet battle! You should be thanking me instead of starting another fight after you just finished one!

“Who was the one laughing at me while I was on the phone? You’re just like Ena, always somehow annoying! And you could’ve asked me for some help on our opponents!”

“You were probably sleeping! I didn’t wanna wake you up from your beauty sleep!”

“They fight a lot don’t they?” Kohane whispered to Toya.

“Yep. I guess that shows that they get along very well.”

“Who would get along with this idiot!” they both yelled out at the same time pointing at each other. “Quit copying me!”

“Alright Akito be mature and just stop and let’s head out, the later you arrive home the more annoyed your sister is going to be.” Toya pulled Akito away from An.

“Oh fine, it’s not worth my time anyways.”

“Come on An-chan, you said we’d go to the music store before we head home.” Kohane hugged An to try to calm her down.

“I remembered Kohane, you know I keep my promises.”

“Well if you two have time to argue, then that means you two have enough energy. Be sure to practice extra. Sorry Shiraishi, for Akito’s behavior.”

“No, An-chan was the one that instigated the fight, she’s the one at fault. Anyone would be irritated after a phone call like that, I’m sorry Shinonome-kun.

“Hey, whose side are you on?!” they both shouted at the same time, fighting like they were siblings.

Like parents, Kohana and Touya glared at their respective partners, arms crossed as if they were gonna ground them. It was obvious they didn’t want to deal with their attitudes tonight, like parents that just wanted to sleep after a baby crying all night. 

“S-Sorry.” they both immediately apologized as they were both on their knees, being reprimanded. They were both terrified of their partners when they were sick of their arguments.

“Kohane is scarier than I thought when she doesn’t wanna deal with our shit.” Akito thought to himself, looking away from both Toya and Kohane.

“Never make Toya angry, good thing he’s just irritated right now.” An was not used to seeing Toya act like this. 

“Now then Akito, I think it’s time we left, right? You don’t want to be yelled at by your sister again right?”

“An-chan, let’s go. You don’t want to be a liar right?”

“Y-Yeah. Let’s go.” they both said.

“Thanks for joining me Toya, you made this boring trip a lot more tolerable.”

“Not a problem Akito, besides, it was fun walking with you.”

“If only Ena wasn’t so bossy all the time, then all these trips wouldn’t be a giant pain in the neck for me.”

“Yeah but isn’t her smile worth it?”

“Only to prevent her from scratching my eyes off.” he recalled the time he met Toya. His face was a mess because of her.

“I remember that day. I thought a cat scratched you since you had scratch marks all over your face.”

“At this point, Ena is a cat. A giant cat wearing a stupid sister mask designed to annoy me at every chance she’ll get.” Toya chuckled at that thought.

“Alright Akito, see you tomorrow. Oh and don’t forget your homework.” he reminded the not-so-great student.

“You just had to remind me. I wish we were in the same class, that way I could just copy yours.”

“Sorry Akito, that’s a request I’d refuse even if we were in the same class. You won’t learn if you copy it. How would you do well on tests then?”

“I don’t. ” Akito instantly thought, recalling the amount of failed and barely passed tests he got. “Ah crap, I really don’t wanna do it. Well see ya tomorrow. Get home safe.”

“You too.” As Toya waved and walked the opposite direction from Akito as he also waved back.

Akito was now alone, walking with only the company of his thoughts and the lights from the streetlamps and stores.

“Home huh? Is my place even called a home? Dad is barely home and I don’t like being around him. I don’t talk to Ena that much outside of her stupid errands. Man, my relationship with my family is more empty than I thought. I wonder how I would’ve acted if Ena never bothered me that night during the festival? Would I be closer to her than I am now? Would my relationship with Ena and dad be better?”

It was then for some reason both Arata and his dad’s comments from the past echoed into his thoughts.

“Akito, listen to me for once. Give up on this street performing gig you’re doing. You’re young so what you think I’m saying is probably is dumb but the world is cruel, many people succeed in life because they have talent or they got lucky. You can’t rely on luck and just like your sister Akito, you don’t have the talent for this.” his damn dad’s voice came first.

If only he didn’t belittle Ena back then, at least that way he’d only hear himself being talked down to, instead of them both. Those words, it felt like someone stabbed him in the heart with a syringe. Surpassing RAD WEEKEND is his dream, he wouldn't let anyone get in the way of that, not anyone. He’d never forgive him for looking down on Ena’s dream, his dream, and Vivid Bad Squad’s dream.

“Shinonome-kun, you’re the least interesting of the group. Your teammates are diamonds in the rough, but with enough polishing they could become top-notch players on stage in no time. But I can’t imagine you being on stage with them when that time comes. You know that’s true to some extent at least, am I right? At least I hope you know, if not, then that’s a problem in itself.” then came that smug bastard Arata’s voice with that smirk he wanted to punch viciously.

He knew what he said was true. So true he nearly permanently damaged his health in the long run with his extra practices. Luckily he had his friends to back him up at the last moment, right after he lost against him. All that extra training only to be humiliated again. He would’ve lost face if not for their backup. 

“Why am I still bothered by what they said? I accepted the fact I wasn’t born with any talent. I know that I’m the weakest link in the group, which is why I stay up extra hours polishing my skills, so I don’t weigh them down. I know I should rely on them, if not then I’m just a hypocrite. And I do rely on them more often now. So WHY?! Why am I still hearing them!? If I give up on my dream, then what the hell am I gonna do with my life?! I don’t want it to end up like football. I was all talk with football back then, yet the “hard work” I put in it was easily overshadowed, just like my solo battle against Arata. Without this, I’m just a pointless dumbass. I’m not smart like Kamishiro with his random gadgets or with grades like Kohane. I don’t have good looks like those members in that new idol group or like Toya or even Ena. I know my attitude isn’t the greatest, unlike Meiko or An. That’s just who I am.” his grip on the grocery bag tightened as if he wanted to choke something or someone . 

His walking pace increased. He felt his heart pumping faster as the blood was pulsating from his veins. He felt as if he was suffocating despite being outside without anyone nearby. His head felt heavy, like someone was squeezing it with their bare hands. It was then he approached his front door. 

When did he get here so fast?

His chest tightened as his breathing increased irregularly as he opened the door.

“Hey Ena! I got your stupid shampoo, hurry the hell up and shower.”

No response.

“Oh for the love of-, don’t tell me she’s asleep. I swear if she’s asleep, I’m just gonna dump this on her face.” he grumbled out loud as he walked his way to the stairs after taking off his shoes. For a few seconds the world turned black and then everything went blurry. It was as if he just woke up and he was drugged and reality was changing. His sense of balance was lost as his head nearly collided with the edge of the stairs.

“Shit, what the hell’s wrong with me?” he got up and checked if he could move. His fingers, arms, legs, toes, neck, feet, they were all fine. “Did I just move too fast? Like getting off of bed?” he tried to reassure himself that he was alright.

 He put his free hand on the railings of the stairs, if he were to fall again from here for whatever reason, then his neck would probably crack. Slowly he put one foot in front in each step. Yet he’s still not at the top yet. Why is it taking so long to get there?

“Why is it so far up?” to him, it looked like the stairs kept on extending, like they were endless. He was going up the stairs but the distance from him and to the top stayed the same. His eyes felt like they were shrinking, everything looked so small. Or rather, they looked so far away from him. He shut up eyes tight, that sight was making him nauseous, as if he was inside one of those optical illusion paintings.

“Walk damn it.” his legs stopped moving, as if they were numb from anesthesia. His left hand was now trembling on the railing, as if it were left out in the snow, shivering to keep warm. “What the hell is wrong with me tonight? I was fine all day until now.”

Yet somehow like before, he ended up where he needed to. It was as if he teleported there or as if someone possessed his body and walked for him. He stared at his body and they were all responding normally unlike seconds ago where he was stuck at the stairs. Too tired to question what just happened to him, he walked to Ena’s door and knocked. He could hear something inside. She must be on voice chat. He knocked on the door again and called out her name.

“Sorry everyone, my brother just got home with my stuff. I’ll be back after I’m done, bye!” he could hear her get off her chair and hear the wheels rolling. “Finally you’re back, I was waiting for- What’s wrong?” her eyes quickly went from annoyed pose to a concerned one.

“What do you mean what’s wrong?” Akito raised an eyebrow. What did he do wrong this time?

“You’re sweating?” her voice wasn’t condescending, it was more of an observational tone. His face had a little bit of sweat dripping down.

“I mean, duh? I finished practice, of course I’d be sweating.” when was he sweating? He didn’t even notice until she pointed it out. Did he sweat when he was struggling at the stairs?

“I called you when practice was over and that was about an hour ago. It’s dark out now and I know you wipe off your sweat after you finish.”

“Damn, she knows me better than I thought.” 

“Akito, did something happen?” 

“I just walked, that’s all. Guess it was hotter than I thought.”

“It’s October, it’s like 22c. Did dad say something to you recently?” she crossed her arms together, indicating that she won’t budge at all until she gets a proper straight answer, ready to rip apart their dad if he was involved. “Because if he did, I’m going to-”

“No, I haven’t talked to him recently, you know that.” he quickly interrupted her “I just walked and thought about stuff. Nothing that you should be concerned about though, I’ll be fine. Now hurry and take your fancy shampoo and shower princess, I gotta do homework.” he put the bag in front of her face.

She reluctantly grabbed it, ignoring the princess comment, and sighed. She wished her brother would talk to her about his problems more often, but this is the best answer she’s going to get for now.

“You could shower first you know, you don’t look so well.”

“You made a big deal about showering, so just shut up and do it. I’m just gonna rest my eyes until then.” Ena just stood there shocked, but didn’t allow it to show it on her face for him to see. If she showed it then he would just avoid her about the topic. Akito would usually just shower first if offered the chance. 

“Alright, if you say so.” She knows something isn’t right, her intuition as a sister is telling her that. The question is, if her intuition is correct, then what’s bothering him. “Thanks for picking it up, I’ll be done as soon as I can.”

“Just hurry it up, you’re not the only one who wants to smell nice after a long day.” she rolled her eyes and gave a small, weak smirk at his back.

Akito walked to his room which was near her room and put his stuff down on the floor. He turned on the lights and rested his back on his chair. He closed his eyes and finally noticed he was breathing faster than usual. He grabbed a water bottle from his desk and emptied it out within a single, rapid gulp. He wished he had more, but to get to the kitchen he’d have to go downstairs. The stairs felt like a marathon right now for some odd reason and he’d avoid being stuck there again. He grabbed a tissue nearby and wiped off the sweat from his head and tossed it in his trash can like a basketball.

“Dammit, I need to calm down.” he put his hand over his left side of his chest, where the heart is, and massaged there as he took deep breaths. He closed his eyes. “Just ignore dad and Arata, they’re not here, their words are a bunch of bullshit. I have people I can depend on to talk to whenever I need it.” he muttered to himself in his chair.

Meiko.

Ken.

An.

Kohane.

Toya.

Even Ena. (he’ll never admit this out loud)

A small light briefly flashed from his phone, interrupting his meditation. He checked it and there were no messages, no new email, no nothing. 

“Did I imagine it?.” he put his hands on his face and started to lean on them.

He then decided to go on his computer to listen to some new songs. A while back he told Kohane to listen to a broad range of music and he recommended a few songs to her. This time she was the one who recommended him music. He put on his small headphones and went to his backpack to take out the cd he received earlier that day.

“Idols, huh? Never was my thing, but I promised.” he took out the cd from the case and put it inside his computer where the song list would load. He clicked on play all and noticed something familiar as the first song played.

Happy Synthesizer.

It was too upbeat and happy for his taste. He did like the singers though, they all had good voices and good pitch.

“That voice, it sounds so familiar.” he right-clicked on the first song and read the singers’ names.

Hanasato Minori.

Kiritani Haruka.

Momoi Airi.

Hinomori Shizuku.

“Eh? Momoi-san? I thought she was in a different idol group.” he didn’t talk to her much, they only really interacted whenever Ena dragged him along, like being the bag carrier at the mall. It was a while since they last talked. “I guess that means she quit and joined a new group. Maybe in another life I could’ve been a male idol.” he joked at the idea. “Who am I kidding, I’d give up after being rejected like four times.” he took out his phone and started texting.

“hey kohane, i have a question about that cd you gave me earlier.how do u know this group?i feel like ive seen a couple of em around town or something”

“One of my friends actually started a group. Her name is Hanasato Minori. The other three members of the group all go to my school. Haruka-chan decided to join Minori-chan even though she initially wanted to quit being an idol and the other two members also joined Minori-chan’s group for similar reasons. They both were on tv like Haruka-chan. They gave me a copy of their first couple of songs so I listened to it a lot of times. What do you think of it, Shinonome-kun?”

Wow, even when texting she gives perfect grammar, punctuation, and spelling. 

Unlike him. If only he was talented in his studies.

“just started listening to it.was curious about em thats all.gonna  take me some tiem to get used to this type of music.thanks for recomendin it to me tho.see u tomorrow at meikos, night.”

“Good night Shinonome-kun.”

“Wow, who knew Kohane knew a group of idols? Maybe that’s why she was getting better at singing.” he then got irritated. “ Then there’s me who just avoids people I don’t like as much as I can. I wish I was more sociable. Dammit!” he gritted his teeth in frustration and then put his hands down on his sides with no energy behind them. They  flopped to the side as if he were dead. He stared at the ceiling with a weak look on his eyes, as if he was being hypnotized. 

“I’m so proud of her, making it this far without prior experience. A quick learner, smart, and talented, everything that I’m not. I need to work harder, if I don’t then I’d be left behind again just like mom did.” he shut his eyes trying to remember what she looked like. The last time she saw her, all he saw was her tall back. That was it, just her back, her face was a blank like his homework, he’d forgotten what her hair was like. It could’ve been orange, but if it weren’t then he might’ve been adopted, but only his dad and maybe Ena remembers her. He’d forgotten the last conversation they even had. It  could’ve been words of sorrow or words of anger. All memories of her faded into nothingness.  

He put his left hand to his closed eyes and sat in silence. Another comment rushed into his thoughts without his permission.

“The way you sing is emotional, but is actually the result of carefully observing those around you. It provides a good balance for the team. ” that comment was from Ken’s old friend, it was a compliment but in reality it secretly bothered Akito. It bothered him a lot, but he didn’t show it at all back then since Toya was troubled with his own issues. He had to be there for Toya, improving and helping Toya is much more important than his own ego.

“Of course it’s emotional, I basically had to copy and analyze everyone else around me. I’m the most talentless one out of everyone I know. I’m only good at observing what others are good at and knowing what I wish I was good at.” 

Out of the four compliments the members of VBS received from that guy, Akito’s had the weakest positive feedback. 

An’s voice was powerful, her presence was large on stage. It was as if she was a queen. Eyes were on her like moths to a flame.

Kohane’s singing was versatile. She’s able to sing high well, adding depth to the songs they could sing. Her voice was perfect for duets, synergizing well with An and Toya. 

Toya. Well, Toya is Toya. He’s talented, being able to be pitch perfect with near perfection. After talking to his dad, his singing just improved drastically, to new heights Akito envied. It was as if he was holding back the entire time. 

But Akito? His voice just brought emotion and balance to the team, a feat any decently good singer could do.

But being good isn’t good enough. Being good isn’t anywhere close to surpassing RAD WEEKEND. Akito wouldn’t even be a blimp on the radar with his current self. He’s just a single drop of water in a waterfall compared to them right now.

His voice cracked in weak whispers. “I just want to be proud and good enough to stand next to them, is that too much to ask? Surpassing RAD WEEKEND means everything to me.” he sat still with only the music from his headphones being played, the happy lyrics of idols singing betrayed the mood he was feeling. He rested his head on both palms of his hands. He would’ve stayed like this for a long while if he was the only one in the house.

“Hey Akito, I’m done showering! Your turn to shower.” he heard Ena opening the door. He quickly put on his annoyed face, while shutting down his computer. He didn’t want to be an errand boy again tonight. He turned his chair around while his headphones tangled and dropped over, almost causing him to fall off, almost causing Ena to laugh.

“You could learn to knock you know, what if I was changing to get ready to shower? And I swear Ena, if you make me go out again to get some stupid shit again tonight, I’m gonna-” Ena cut him off.

“Oh relax, I’m just here to tell you I’m done. And we both know you take off your clothes in the restroom so it’s easier to take out the laundry all at once. And even if you were changing, there’s nothing to see that’s impressive. Well?” she stroked her hair ignoring that death glare Akito gave her for giving him that comment.

Akito just glared at her as if she was going to continue talking.

“Well what?”

“Notice something?” her eyes quickly squinted with annoyance.

“Notice what?” he hated it when someone wasn't straight to the point, he's not smart enough to figure out vague hints and questions.

“My hair you dumbass! Did you forget the whole reason why I asked you to get it?! Notice the signs I’m giving you!”

“How the hell am I supposed to notice something that pointless?!”

“Comment on something! And my hair is not pointless! Learn some etiquette! You’re supposed to say something like ‘your hair looks nice Sis’ you moron! This is why you’ll never get a date! Can’t even notice the signals someone is giving you!”

“Oh for- FINE! You look really pretty! Like one of those idols on tv!” that was highly unexpected, Ena quickly blushed a little. 

“This is the first time he actually complimented me in a while...” she thought to herself.

“Too bad you’re only pretty on the outside and not on the inside! On the inside you’re a massive, lazy bitch, treating me like some sort of personal butler!” she went from red with slight embarrassment to red with anger instantly.

“You giant jerk!” she started to slap her brother rapidly, but to their height difference, he just blocked it all with his arms. “That’s not how you’re supposed to treat a woman!”

“Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t realize I was talking to a woman! I thought I was talking to an annoying cat!”

“Want me to act like a cat then? Fine!” she stopped slapping and proceeded to pinch his cheeks. With both her nails. That she hasn’t cut nor filed yet.

“Ow ow ow! Stahp stahp stahp! Ai’m gunnuh bweed! Iz dis how yu tweat yor onwy bwoduh?!” (translation: Stop stop stop! I’m gonna bleed! Is this how you treat your only brother?!) 

His eyes started to tear a little, fortunately for him, Ena wasn’t pinching with all her strength, otherwise blood would’ve flooded out from his cheeks, and more importantly, gotten on her nails. He did however put both of his hands on her face, trying to push her away. Gently of course, he didn’t want to hurt her badly.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had a brother! I thought I was talking to the world’s smelliest and annoying chihuahua!” she finally let go of his poor cheeks, that were now red while fixing her hair which he luckily didn’t ruin. He rapidly rubbed both his cheeks to alleviate the pain he received. His cheeks had crescent marks from where Ena “gently” dug her nails into.

“Don’t compare me to those annoying little bastards!” he grabbed something from his drawer, still rubbing his cheeks with his other hand. “Chihuahua’s are the worst! Those vicious creatures and I have nothing in common!” he yelled out, insulted that he was compared to a dog.

“Well you’re both annoying and you’re both little bitches, that’s enough to convince me. Sounds like my brother is adopted in this cat family.” she insulted quickly while she was gently kicking him out of his own room. Literally. “Hurry up and shower! You said you wanted to shower so badly, now hurry up!”

“Kicking me out of my own room, how nice. You really are a stupid cat, violent and territorial.” he sarcastically retorted as he rolled his eyes. He walked away to the restroom while still rubbing his cheeks. Ena left his room with a somber look on her face.

She saw him quickly move when she entered. It was as if he was hiding something from her. Was he afraid? Was he embarrassed about something that he definitely had to hide? Whatever it was, his movements were quicker than his usual self.

“Akito, what’s on your mind? You were fine when I called you earlier, but now I don’t know. You’re straightforward and bold about everything but your own feelings. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you’re thinking.” 

She silently and slowly walked back to her room, the problems of Akito weighed her down as if they were leg weights. 

She sat down on her chair, squeaking as the wheels skated by the floor.

“Ena the Stupid Cat, huh? Sounds like an interesting title for a story.” a voice suddenly popped out of her speakers, nearly causing the girl to fall down. It was a voice she spoke to very often. A voice that often teased and annoyed her.

“Wait.” Ena immediately looked at her screen in panic. She looked in the corner of Nightcord and noticed the microphone icon wasn’t red. “Oh no…” her eyes bulged wide open like she forgot her wallet during checkout while shopping.

“Lil Bro has got it rough huh?” that same annoying voice spoke again. “An annoying stupid cat big sister and an annoying chihuahua little brother. What an interesting family relationship.” Ena could feel their stupid grin, ready to use as conversation starter to new friends.

“You guys heard everything!?” Ena shouted with her tomato-colored face.

“Only the parts that were loud.”(basically almost everything then) an emotionless, robotic-like voice responded.

“Ena, you really need to pay more attention if your mic is muted.” another voice spoke, it was soft and quiet. “How many times does that make it? Four times now?”

“Shutupshutupshutupshutup! AGHHHH!” she screeched out loud, loud enough that it could be heard through walls. “Forget everything!”

“Sorry Ena, this is too funny not to talk about from time to time.”

“I SWEAR MIZUKI, IF YOU TALK ABOUT THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE, I’M GOING TO BE REALLY ANGRY! I DON"T WANT SOME WEIRD MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT ME SPREADING!”

A door rapidly opening wide open could be heard from outside of Ena’s room.

“ENA SHUT THE HELL UP! NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES OF SHOWERING AND I COULD HEAR YOUR ANNOYING VOICE EVEN WITH THE WATER ON! IT’S GIVING ME A HEADACHE! CAN’T A GUY SHOWER IN PEACE?!” Akito yelled out across the hall slamming the door shut, it was loud enough as if he was going to break the door handle open. It was quite obvious he was irritated tonight.

“Tonight is so loud.” Kanade commented.

“Very loud. Louder than usual.” Mafuyu responded with that same monotone voice she usually speaks with them.

“For Lil Bro’s sake, I’ll keep quiet. For now.” they laughed as they were clearly smirking, enjoying the frustration Ena and Akito got.

Ena didn’t say anything. She never saw Akito this irritated at her, he’d usually just simply yell at her to shut up. He always said stuff straight to the point, no unnecessary detail needed. It’s why he hated school, classes and lectures weren’t straight to the point, which is why his grades sucked. But this time he had a slight rant towards her, something that to her recollection, never happened.

“S-Sorry everyone, it’s my fault, I’ll be sure to be more quiet from now on.

Akito enjoyed showers, but this one felt suffocating. Usually hot showers were a way for him to relax, but this one felt like a chore. The hot water felt like needles or bullets to his skin. The steam felt suffocating, like poisonous gas, making it hard to breathe. The temperature itself felt like a web, slowing him down. His head felt like it was being poked by a spear.

He stared at his shampoo. Ena made a big deal out of it, always asking him to do everything. 

“Stupid Ena, can’t do simple things yourself. Always treating me like a dumb slave rather than as a person. Always bothering me.” he muttered as the water drowned out his voice. He cleaned himself fast, he just wanted the night to end already. Rinsing off the last of the water, he turned off the water and sat down on the bathtub like he was a statue. He wanted to leave slowly though, fearing that he might get that weird dizzy feeling he got earlier if he moved too fast. He took a slow, deep breath and got up and dried himself off and then put on his boxers. Shit, he forgot his pajamas in his room. It’s because of Ena he didn’t have time to grab them.

“Whatever, it’s not like she leaves that room when she’s online.” he went over to the restroom sink and started to brush his teeth aggressively, as if he had a fresh small cavity. He spat out the toothpaste and rinsed off everything with water. He then stared at himself in the mirror.

“Look at you, you talentless hack. You’re tired after doing some basic tasks after practice, absolutely pathetic. Stop muttering to yourself for the rest of the night and sleep.” he stared at his reflection for a few seconds longer checking to see if Ena left any marks on his cheeks before leaving to go to his room. He quickly put on his pajamas and turned off the lights and then flopped over to his bed. 

“Bed, you’re one of the few things that don’t annoy me.” he closed his eyes, preparing to sleep the stressful night away while powering through the headache.

But he opened his eyes wide open a minute after they were closed.

“I forgot to do my homework !” he mentally yelled out as he looked over to his backpack on the floor. It is quite far away, and he did just get comfy with his warm-but-not-too warm bed sheets. He was also having a bad night, sleep is more important than doing some assignments that’ll make the night worse right? And it is just a single assignment due tomorrow. “Screw it, I’m sleeping, I already got comfy in bed. I'm probably going to fail anyway, whatever. Future me problem. ” he closed his eyes, giving the consequences to the Akito that’ll wake up tomorrow.

Akito slept well, but he didn’t have sweet dreams. He jolted out of bed as if someone used a stun gun on him. He put his hands on his face and neck, checking if they were intact.

“Can’t even get a night of no dreams, great.” he got up and put on his clothes while grabbing his phone, preparing for the dread of school. He left his room and was shocked to see his sister awake. Both her eyes were blinking at different times, she was rubbing her eyes viciously, she was wobbling while yawning. She was acting like a zombie.

“This is rare, you’re up before me. Who are you and what have you done with my dumb sister?”

“Oh haha, very funny carrot brain. Not in the mood right now. I promised to make you pancakes this morning.”

“Oh…” he was silent for a brief second which felt like a minute. “I thought you were joking.”

“Well not this time. Just make me coffee while I go make us pancakes, I need that caffeine. Unless you wanna deal with Tired Ena. Tired Ena will happily make you pancakes instead.” her face looked like she was a bear that was woken up during hibernation, pissed off and grumpy.

“If you say so, I’m not gonna say no to pancakes. And I’ll get you that coffee, Tired Ena is a massive bitch to deal with.” she yawned once again while heading to the kitchen downstairs. She was too tired to comment on that last statement.

Akito stared down at the stairs which gave him trouble last night for some reason. His vision and breathing was normal, his legs didn’t shake or were numb. He didn’t have a headache.

“Guess I was just tired last night.” he rushed downstairs to the kitchen to make them both coffee and to avoid hearing her complain about not getting coffee fast enough.

The Shinonomes just used instant coffee, they lacked a coffee machine, since it was far more convenient and didn’t take up too much space. Although they did drink coffee outside quite often since it had a far superior taste (they take it with milk with two sugar). They were both just too lazy to go through a long process of making coffee in the mornings that wasn’t instant.

“Here you go.” he passed her a cup of coffee.

“Thanks carrot head.” she took a brief pause on the pancakes to take a large sip, then gently placed it down on the table while proceeding to stretch. “Now I’m recharged.” she quickly resumed back to the pancakes, making it fluffy, the way they both loved in the morning. “Sorry Akito, we’re out of fruit and whipped cream, so it’s just syrup for today.” she placed two plates on the table with knives and forks. “Oh and don’t worry, I’m not going to take a bunch of photos. I forgot to charge my phone last night, so it died just after the alarm rang. And these aren’t presentable without the fruits and cream for my photos.”

“Oh thank goodness. ” Akito instantly thought to himself, he lucked out. He’d be starving to death if she were taking photos.

“Great, another trip I have to make. Thanks though, I’ll pick those up after I’m done with practice.”

“If only you were compliant like that everyday. That’d save me a lot of breaths.” she took a bite of her homemade pancake.

“Hey, I have a life outside of being your stupid errand boy.” he swallowed a piece of his breakfast.

“I remember when you used to always do what I ask when you were younger, I wish that brother was still here.” she ignored him.

“Well that brother grew up and got tired of hearing your dumb voice.” he quickly retorted while taking another bite.

“Hey, if my voice is so dumb then how come I have a lot of views regarding my group’s singing?” 

“I dunno, pity?” he smirked.

“Oh no, I can’t believe that about half a million people pitied our voices so much when watching our videos. Oh nooooo, what will I ever do?” she sarcastically said out loud while dramatically putting a hand over her head as if she was in a drama theatre show.

“Half a million people watching your voice cracking while singing, and not a single one of em follow you.”

“Hey I do have followers for your information. Many in fact, and one of them literally comments on each and every single one of my art pieces and our songs. That must mean that person loves the work we do, especially my art.”

“That or that person has awful taste, haha.” he chuckled out loud while coughing a little. Laughing was a bad idea, since he was now pounding his chest to prevent choking.

“That’s what you deserve. And watch it carrot head, before I cut you with this knife.” she pointed the not-so-very-sharp knife towards him. If it were literally anyone else that said that, Ena would’ve snapped, but she knew her dumb little brother is the only person on Earth to never belittle her art no matter the circumstance.

Akito quickly drank some coffee to help the sweet delicate pancake go down his throat before continuing. He spoke with a playful tone.

“Oh nooo, a knife that can’t cut anything tougher than four layers of fluffy pancakes, I’m so terrified. How will I ever escape this super dangerous situation?” he put his arms up, shaking them pretending as if he was being stopped by the police.

Ena stared at her brother for a brief second before finishing the last of her breakfast. He was smiling for real right now. Last night he looked like he saw a ghost. Maybe her instincts were wrong, maybe Akito was just having a normal bad day last night.

“It was worth waking up early today. ” she mentally smiled.

“Anyways thanks again for breakfast, I’ll do the dishes before I head out to school.” He picked up the plates and utensils and put them on the sink.

“Thanks, I was going to ask you to do that anyways.” 

“Oh thank you so much for asking me before I offered. I owe you my freakin life for being so considerate." he sarcastically spat out as he turned on the water. "Don’t forget the laundry later.” 

“You’re welcome. And I know, I’m not that useless with simple chores, unlike you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to continue my art. Later.” she got up and grabbed a water bottle before leaving the kitchen.

“Alright, I’ll see you when I see you.” he continued to scrub the sticky syrup off of the plates.

Ena didn’t make it halfway up the stairs before hearing a voice.

“Good luck!” a voice came from the kitchen. It was just loud enough to be heard, but just weak enough for her to think it was just her imagination.

“Did you say something?” she yelled out, wondering if he actually said something.

“Did you say something Ena? If you did, I can’t hear you over the sound of running water.” he replied back, very clearly avoiding her question. Running water was loud, but not that loud.

She stopped walking up and paused at what he said. She was confident she heard his voice. ‘Good luck!’ he says. She giggled.

The only person in the family that gave a damn about her. The only person in her family that never belittled her for her lack of talent in art. The only person she truly considers family in this household. Her smile now reached both her ears and felt a surge of energy within her, something that coffee never gave during the mornings. She continued her way up the stairs and into her room before turning on her drawing tablet with a cathartic surge of conviction with her tablet pen.

Yet unknown to her, he muttered something else after wishing her luck. He stopped scrubbing as if he was being riveted by something.

“I’m confident you’ll do well, unlike me. ” his eyes were dark, as if someone was possessing him. Water was still running, bubbles and soap still on the dishes. His hands started to dry after being exposed to dishwasher soap and water. Just then a splash of soap bounced off one of the plates and hit his eye, causing him to blink and wake up from his trance. “Ah crap, that burns! Motherfu-” his eyes returned to normal with tears coming out of his one eye. 

That day in school, Akito got lucky, the teacher forgot to collect homework from everyone. With the main worry out of the way, the rest of the day felt like it went by really quickly for him. Like the group agreed, they all met at Street Sekai at Meiko’s cafe.

Meiko’s new dessert was a cream puff. Each dough was baked to be thin and crispy, but just thick and sturdy enough to sandwich the filling, and each one was sprinkled with a bit of powdered sugar. She made different fillings; one was chocolate, one was vanilla, and another was custard. 

Akito being the one with a sweet tooth happily ate one with a large smile on his face. A large smile so rare that An secretly took a photo of him while he wasn’t looking (probably for blackmail) before she took a piece for herself. She could see why Akito was smiling, they were amazing. Kohane and Toya also enjoyed them. To them, Meiko’s desserts could easily calm and brighten their day. Like a mother, Meiko was happy she made them. The effort she made to make them was worth their smiles, promising to make more desserts for them. After enjoying their desserts, the group decided to practice at their Sekai for an hour and go back to their world to practice. 

An and Akito would start VBS’s first duet battle next week Friday, Kohane and Toya would finish that night. 

After that, three days later on Monday, it’d be Toya and An would be the opening lead, then Kohane and Akito would end off for that show that night.

And then that Friday, Kohane and An would sing first, finishing off with Toya and Akito.

As a group, they were great. Individually, they all have strengths and weaknesses. They have yet to do battles as a duet, so these events would help the team figure out each other even more. There would be times where their usual partner would not be available for whatever reason. This way, the team would have experience singing duets with every other member in the worst case scenario. If they improved as duets, this’ll significantly increase their group singing, not to mention their reputation. 

It was a suggestion Kohane said out loud while in their Sekai one day while drinking tea, suggesting that they should practice duets. She was used to singing with her partner An and singing with the entire squad, but not with Akito or Toya. Akito instantly loved the idea, Toya agreed, impressed by her conviction, while An just made a joke that Akito only loved the idea because he’ll steal her partner. 

This led to another dumb argument between the two, about some stupid scheme of Akito making a harem with everyone else in the squad, which caused Akito to instantly deny that statement and said that An is too scared of this event, which is why she didn’t agree. This eventually led to a bet that whoever of the two got less cheers overall, had to do one thing (within reason) the winner says. Len and Rin watched while laughing and eating Meiko’s desserts while commenting, not helping at all to end the pointless comment An made. Miku agreed with An just to annoy Akito, adding fuel to the fire, making the argument last way, way, way longer than it needed to be. Meiko just didn’t have enough energy and remained in the background, not wanting to deal with their shit. Kaito was off like usual doing his own business somewhere, probably eating ice-cream or maybe napping. Luka was about to greet them, but saw the argument and quietly ran off not wanting to be involved.

Kohane, annoyed with An’s immaturity that day, submitted the duet rotation with the help of Toya. She deliberately made An be in the opening act of VBS for every session of the event. Toya knew Akito did not mind which order he went so they were safe. An that day first witnessed and felt the wrath of her hamster partner. She had extra pressure because she had to perform well so the other pair could get a good starting cheer. 

And so days passed, VBS worked extra hours with each other practicing each song over and over at Weekend Garage and their Sekai, commenting on each other’s strengths and weaknesses. When the day arrived, An and Akito got ready to make VBS look like pros. They both reminded each other of the bet, while Kohane and Toya did not care about their childish bet. 

But when An and Akito went on stage that night, Akito never wanted to choke himself so badly until now after spewing out the first lines of the song he practiced with An for many hours. Even after all of his hard work and practice, he messed up when it mattered the most. He never made this mistake before when he was practicing. 

“Are you free tonight?”

When he sung those words, he wished he never existed. He wished he was dead.

Chapter Text

Fuck.

Fuck!

FUCK!

I punched the solid, cold wall where no one else could see. What the hell was that!? What the hell kind of performance was that!? With a performance like that, I’d be better off dead! I never sung like that ever during practice, so why of all times to screw up, why during a live performance!? What the hell is wrong with me!? 

I take a quick glance towards An. She put a hand towards a wall, looking down with the same frustrated face I have. I could tell she’s also frustrated. I don’t know at who though. Maybe she’s frustrated at herself, maybe at me. She should be frustrated at me though, I was the one that fucked us over! My shitty voice was the one that caused us to perform horribly! It’s cuz of me that she lost her tempo and rhythm. I sounded like I just woke up, not wanting to be here. 

“Akito!” 

I heard a voice call behind me as I turned around. It was Toya, he looked as if I was stabbed. I saw Kohane also, it was obvious she was trying to cheer up An. I looked away from him, I’m too ashamed to look at him. Too ashamed to look at anyone in VBS.

“Akito, it’ll be fine.” he gently said to me. 

Stop.

Stop trying to cheer me up, I don’t deserve it. Cheer An up instead, I’m the reason she’s feeling frustrated. After that awful performance I forced An to do, we got some pity cheers. So please stop Toya.

“Toya, go get ready with Kohane. Both of you are going to be on stage soon.”

“But Akito-” I cut him off.

“No buts, I’m the reason we started off bad, it’s up to you and Kohane to finish strong.” I argued back. “Make An proud to be part of this group.” I purposefully left myself out. I don’t deserve to be here.

I don’t deserve An.

I don’t deserve Kohane.

I don’t deserve Toya.

I don’t deserve to be in VBS.

I see Toya and Kohane get on stage and sing. They’re wonderful. I feel like Toya sings better with Kohane than I do with him.

Makes me jealous.

I walk away to talk to An, she’s alone out in the hall, it looks like she’s about to cry.

“Don’t blame yourself for what happened, I’m the one to blame.”

“Wh-What? You’re joking right?” she instantly answered.

“Do I look like the type of person to joke about something like this at a time like this?” she knows I’m serious about surpassing RAD WEEKEND, it’s insulting that she even said that. “I got too cocky and cracked when the time came.”

“You’re not the only one that messed up tonight!” her voice got louder. “I messed up my breathing during so many parts! It sounded forced!”

“And I sounded like complete shit! I sounded like I was bored, like I just woke up! You tried to cover me and I kept on failing! You sang several parts where you shouldn’t! You sounded like you were trying! You sounded like you were giving it 120%! I know you were straining your voice trying to carry my mistakes!” I argued back, I’m not good at singing, but I know I’m one of the most observant ones of our group. I was furious at myself, it’s my fault she was feeling like this. 

“I-I…” she stumbled over her words, she tried to take all of the blame. Well she shouldn’t, she should be angry at me, not at herself. “Still, I didn’t sound amazing either! You’re not the only one at fault! Maybe if I hadn’t started that dumb argument, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“But it happened, what’s done is done. And I’m the one that got cocky and suggested that bet.” I’m the dumbass that caused this, if I didn’t get so hot headed and made that bet, this probably wouldn’t have happened, I wouldn’t have gotten cocky trying to one-up her. “Toya and Kohane should be finishing soon, we’ll meet up with them and we’ll see the results and then call it a night.” I walked away from her, maybe I should comfort her more, but I don’t know what’s right, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know the right words to say. I’m not good at these things.  

Next thing I know, I’m on stage with the rest of VBS, waiting for the results. Unsurprisingly we didn’t win. Toya and Kohane did manage to get the crowd roaring at the end of their song though, despite my fuck up. Kohane walked over to An again and Toya to me.

“Akito-” he said before I cut him off again.

“Toya, be honest with me.”

“Huh?”

“Out of the two of us, my voice was far off beat compared to hers right?” I know what the answer is, I know it, but hearing it from Toya would confirm things. He’s the expert in this.

“Akito, you were…” he closed his eyes. I think he was trying to find the right words not to hurt my feelings.

“Be blunt about it, don’t sugarcoat it. That’ll only hurt me more.”

“It was just one performance, you don’t have to-” I cut him off again, man I’m a real jerk tonight.

“Please Toya! This is for my sake too! I can take it.” Kohane and An got startled and looked at us. 

He looked away, teeth gritting, fists clenched. Say it, I need to hear it. 

“Out of the two of you, you were the one that was off-beat by far.” he looked like someone dumped him. That face he made, that face. It hurts to look at. I know it hurt him to say something like that to me. I said I could take it, but hearing it from his mouth, my own partner confirmed that I was the worst one by far tonight. I knew it was true, but it still hurts.

“Thanks Toya.” I held back tears, it felt hard to breathe, my throat felt dry, my heart felt smaller. “I’ll see you all tomorrow morning at practice.” I made my way towards the exit.

“It’s dark out, I’ll join you.” he instantly said. I know he feels bad, but it’s the truth I needed to hear, and the truth An needed to hear.

“I’ll be fine, Toya. Besides, I need to be alone right now.” I turned my head around giving the weakest smile I could give right now. I look into their eyes. I could tell they know I was bothered by this a lot. I walk off, I need something to drink, my throat hurts.

Luckily I live in Japan, a country filled with vending machines. I wanted to be away from them, so I went to the third one I could find. It was at a corner of a dead end. Good, that means this area would be barely visited. I grabbed my wallet and my fingers were shaking, they wouldn’t listen to me. I just wanted to put my money into the machine, so work with me you dumb fingers. My fingers gripping the coin kept on missing the coin slot, these dumb hands, can’t even do a simple task right just like my voice. After like five miserable, pathetic attempts I finally got it in. 

Water.

I need water. I want water.

I pressed the water option, but it wouldn’t come out. I pressed it over and over and over and over again. I can hear the machine buzzing, readying to dispense it, but it felt so slow. Why is it so slow? I just need something to drink, so hurry it up. Hurry it up!

After what felt like minutes, it finally dropped. I instantly grabbed it, unscrewing the cap as if I was in the desert for days. With only a single breath I gulped it down, it felt refreshing. It was icy, it was great. Yet it was gone just as fast as I picked up. Why? Why was it gone so quickly? Why do these water bottles have too little water in them?

I heard the voices of two guys. I took a small peak around the corner and they were on the only path. I don’t want to be seen by anyone, so I just put my hood up just in case, hoping no one would see my face. 

“Man, that was a great show tonight!” I heard one of them say as I stayed hidden. Heh, look at me, it’s like I’m sort of spy. 

“For the most part yea!” the other one agreed. They were probably friends from the way they spoke to each other. “Too bad the Vivid Bad Squad had a weak start.” I clenched my teeth.

“Might’ve been a bad night for those two.” 

“That or they just suck!” don’t insult An you bastards, she did nothing wrong. I felt like punching them in the face for saying that. 

“Least the girl tried to sound good, that orange hair just straight up sucked.”

“You know they were rivals once right?”

“You’re joking right?”

“Yeah apparently the two dudes and girls had a battle once, but during the girls’ performance that orange douchebag messed with the speakers or something.” I remember that night. It was the night I thought Kohane was just a nobody in singing. She froze but An kept singing. Even though I didn’t actually do it, I didn’t like Kohane initially because of that. Heh, look at me, I’m such a judgemental punk.

“Why on Earth would he do that?” he sounded genuinely confused on “why” I did that.

“I dunno, jealousy? Pride? That guy rubs me the wrong way. After that I heard he begged the two girls to join up with him. Pathetic right?” that last part is wrong, I didn’t beg. This is why I don’t like talking to people that much, always changing up stories.

“What a total tool.” after my performance tonight, they’re right. I am pathetic. I am a total tool. 

“What’s next? Jackass is gonna abandon them for another team?” I felt something hit my shoulder, like something shattered. I look up and I see small rain clouds.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did that, after that kind of performance tonight, he’s just a one-note parrot. I guess all those times he sang before were all flukes.”

It hurts. 

It hurts to hear that.

I didn’t care if I was seen at this point. My legs just moved on their own and next thing I knew I dashed past them. 

“Watch where you’re moving jackass!” I ignored him, I just want this night to be over.

I ran in the direction of home. Luckily it wasn’t there weren't a lot of people tonight and the rain would cause people to enter the mall. All I feel right now is the drizzle. I run and I run. This reminds me of when I was playing football. I’d run like this all the time. Deep down I miss football, I lost a lot of friends that night, because I lacked talent. But that doesn't matter now, that’s all in the past.

I hear dad’s and Arata’s stupid comments again. They’re haunting me, annoying me, especially Arata’s. That smug asshole. That smug asshole just broke me down after all that extra hard work like nothing. And he was still holding back against my rematch. And I still lost! If everyone else was there on time, we could’ve shown him how different we are as a group! But that didn’t happen. At least not in this dumb life of mine. I walked out again hearing people pitying me and there I saw everyone else, just a few minutes late, worried about me. Heh, they were right, I was dumb for practicing hard without rest. But if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t even want to stand next to them. It wouldn’t be right, since I wouldn’t be as good as I am now. Right now, I can barely look them in the eye and I’m only good if someone is hand-holding me. They’re all diamonds and I’m just shit on the sidewalk.

I just need to train harder while not killing my body like last time. Our next battle is within a few days. Until then I need to be better. I need to be better, I can’t mess up like I did earlier. Because if I don’t, I’ll be left behind by everyone and I’ll have nothing and be forgotten.

I’m not that far away from home. I’ll just take a shower and I’ll rest and I’ll train like I never have tomorrow and then after work I’ll train even more. 

I need to be better. 

I need to be better. 

I need to be better.

I need to be better. 

I need to be better.

When I got home, I once again struggled to get upstairs. I closed my eyes and took one step at a time. It took me a while, but I made it up. I felt nauseous, I think I overdid it, maybe I went too fast. Why do these stairs cause me so much trouble? I couldn’t tell if I was sweating or if it was the water still stuck on my hair. Thank goodness Ena wasn’t home, otherwise she would’ve noticed me struggling getting upstairs. She has more important things to worry about like her art instead of me. I dashed towards the restroom and washed the scent of rain off of me. After that I rushed to bed extra early, I want to get up extra early for practice. I set my alarm to 5AM and I shut my eyes. I wanted to have a dreamless night, but I had another dream. Another dream I didn’t want.

I dreamt that everyone in VBS decided to kick me out. A decision I feel like that would come true.

“Shinonome-kun, weren’t you the one that belittled me saying that I don’t have the resolve to surpass RAD WEEKEND when we first met? Yet who’s the one holding us back all this time?” I never saw Kohane look at me like that or anyone for that matter. She was looking at me like I was a worm. She walked off with her back facing me.

“Wow, I thought I finally found someone who shared the same dreams as I did. Turns out, you were all talk. Such disappointment. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, turns out I was wrong. Whatever, see you never, hopefully.” An. She was disappointed in me. She looks more disappointed than I am with myself. She rushed towards Kohane, talking about something.

Toya. He just stood there looking at me with his inexpressive face. What will he say to me? 

“...” he just turned away from me. My partner just left without a word. All of their backs were facing me. The distance between us got bigger. They’re leaving me behind like mom did. I know this is all a dream. It’s all just a dream. A warning. I won’t be left behind again.

I somehow forced myself awake. I checked my phone and it turns out I woke up at 4:30. That’s fine, that’s 30 minutes of extra practice or 30 minutes of rest. I said I won’t damage my body to the group after all. I opened the door quietly, just in case if Ena was still awake. She had a habit of sleeping late because of her art. She works hard, harder than me. I silently put on my clothes, my bag, and rushed to the restroom, washing myself and brushing my teeth. I looked at the mirror, the room was still dark, I didn’t even turn on the lights.

My eyes looked dark, like I was exhausted.

But I’m not. I slept earlier than I usually do. Why do I look like this?

A single cup of coffee would probably fix that. I left the restroom and slowly made my way downstairs. Good thing these stairs don’t creak. I quietly walked down and hastily put on shoes that were dry.

I headed to the nearest convenient store to get myself a quick cup of coffee and breakfast. I just realized I skipped dinner. Eh, whatever. I just grabbed a can of coffee that had the largest amount of caffeine while being sweet and grabbed several riceballs. I shoved them down my throat quickly, I was hungrier than I expected. I made sure I didn’t choke, if I died, that’d just cause problems. I opened the can of coffee and drinked it. I stretched and threw out my trash, it was still dark out but the sun will start to rise. I decided to walk to the usual spot we practiced and head to Sekai until practice starts. I ran there while practicing my breathing. I can’t afford to lose my breath while singing. As I see the usual spot, I see someone there. The figure wasn’t tall and looked like they were stretching. As I got closer, the figure had long hair, and was shorter than me. It was a voice I recognized. It was An. She’s here way too early, we met at 8 usually, she’s nearly 3 hours early.

“Akito? What’re you doing here?” she questioned.

“I could ask you the same question. I’m just here for an early practice.” I answered.

“You didn’t stay up all night practicing or something did you? Cuz if you’re doing the same thing where you over practiced like last time-” she’s reminding me of the time I lost to Arata. The time where I avoided help from everyone else. Stop reminding me of  things related to him. I hate him. Everytime I see him I just want to punch him.

“No, I slept early. And look who’s talking, why’re you here so early?” she looked down in somber. I’m guessing she didn’t sleep well after my performance last night, I bet she feels guilty or something. She shouldn’t, there’s nothing for her to apologize for. “Did you sleep?” I asked, concerned for her health.

“I did, for a little bit. Then I woke up. Then I thought I should practice more after our performance last night. Sorry about last night.” shut up. Stop apologizing, I know your performance wasn’t the greatest, but I caused that fuck up. But you’re stubborn like Ena, so I decided what to say next.

“I’m sorry too.” I also apologized, if she won’t blame me then there’s no point in forcing her. 

“You didn’t do anything stupid last night did you? You wanted to be alone and I wanted to respect that, but I was worried about you. We all were. Thought you’d be on some sort of extreme training arc, hehe.” she tried to loosen the tension with that last sentence. She’s not entirely wrong though. Thanks for respecting my decision though.

“No, I went home not too long after. Thanks for letting me alone. Sorry, I should've been there to cheer you up, instead I ditched you.”

“Don’t beat yourself over that, I know you were more… concerned about last night than I was.” she’s right. I beat myself over it.

“All I-we can do know is make sure that dumb mistake doesn’t happen again. Which is why I woke up early to practice. I was just getting ready to head to Sekai until practice started.”

“Well well look at that, I was also thinking the same, would you mind if I joined you?”

“Just don’t slow me down.” I take out my phone and she does too.

“Please, I should be the one saying that to you!” she cheerfully said with a smile on her face. That’s the sight that looks best on her, something I ruined last night. But those words she said, it hurts me, but I ignore it for now as we both transport to our Sekai. It was the same old, same old, graffiti all over the walls and a lot of alleys.

There we see Meiko’s cafe. It’s not open yet, but she’s probably there to check up on things, something I also do while at work. We walk around back and we see her picking up some boxes, probably ingredients.

“Oh my, I never seen you two here this early, did something happen?” she asks us. Yes, something did happen because of me, but I think we got over it? I’m not sure.

“Yeah, but we’re going to make sure it never happens again.” An pointed out. Well that answers my question.

“That’s good. Mistakes are more important than you think. As long as you learn.”

Yeah, IF you learn from them…

“Meiko-san, do you need help with those boxes?” I offered, I didn’t want to be reminded of what I did last night.

“Oh if you don’t mind, that’ll be a big help.” I proceeded to carry three boxes, while An struggled to grab two.

“Where’s Len, Rin, or Miku?” I didn’t bother asking about Luka or Kaito, they’re usually off somewhere, but those three are usually here.

“Rin’s off with Kaito and Miku decided to help out Len with his singing. The look he had was adorable, he had such a large smile. Usually Miku would just brush him off during this hour.”

“You sound like a mother.” An said, slowly carrying her boxes. 

“Well I do feed you children. Being a single mother sure is tough work.” she jokingly went along with the joke while she carried a box (An finally put her boxes where they were supposed to go) with a motherly smile. She is the closest person to a mother I have. There are things only she knows.

I proceed to carry the rest of the boxes to where they’re supposed to go while Meiko made us coffee and a sandwich as thanks. An thanked her saying she didn’t eat much before she left her house. It’s still early, I usually eat sandwiches for lunch so it’s a bit unusual for me to eat it during the early morning. Still, Meiko’s cooking is amazing. I wish I could be as good as her. What’s her secret?

“So, what woke you both up?” Meiko brought us our food.

“We just wanted to practice extra hard for the week.” I said. It’s not a lie, we really did wake up wanting to train. 

“I see.” Meiko said as she closed her eyes. It looked like she was making a decision or something. If she was, then a decision for what? I doubt it’s because whether or not we could practice here. She said this is basically VBS’ Sekai, so we could practice here whenever, right?

“Something wrong Meiko-san?” An asked as she took a sip of her coffee. Meiko’s coffees were amazing, similar to Ken’s.

“It’s nothing. Does Toya-kun or Kohane-chan know you’re up this early?”

“No, it was kind of unintended to be honest. An and I woke up earlier than we usually do, so we might as well get some extra time practicing since we couldn’t fall back asleep.” I quickly answered. Once again not a lie. I did technically wake up earlier than I wanted to.

“Well feel free to practice here in my cafe until you have practice with the others, I doubt the others will be here anytime soon. Len and Miku usually arrive by 9:30. Rin arrives at around 10, and Kaito comes here whenever he feels like. I swear that man…” she shook her head. Kaito was a bit irresponsible, almost forgetting promises and arriving late.

“Thanks Meiko-san! Wish we could do more for you!”

“Nonsense, we’re all here to help you with your dreams.”

And like that we finished our breakfast. We started with body stretches and vocal warm-ups.

We went over what went wrong last night and thought about what could’ve caused it. I didn’t say it out loud, but maybe I was scared of failing which caused that performance. Like with what happened with my last football game, but what’s done is done. I can’t sound like that ever again.

We picked up our mic and sang that song again and again. This time it went well. I didn’t sound like garbage and I actually sang the parts I needed to. I guess last night I was extra anxious or something. And didn't strain her voice because of me. We sounded just fine. After that we went over our songs that we were gonna sing on Monday. Course, An wasn’t going to be my partner, it was a review. If only we were this passionate or studious on our grades, but eh whatever. I stopped her whenever she sounded off, this had to be perfect. She did the same for me.

Meiko was busy putting the ingredients from the box to the backroom, refusing our help this time. She did occasionally give a quick glance at us from time to time, for what reason I’m not sure, probably to check up on us though.

“You know, Akito, I’m glad you’re a part of this group.” she said out of nowhere. I paused for a second before turning my head to her.

“Uh what? What’s gotten into you? Did you eat something weird?” An wasn’t the type to say something nice to me, like Ena. It was a weird feeling, people rarely said nice things to me once they knew my real personality.

“Oh haha, real funny. I’m being serious. I’m really glad you’re here. You’re the only one I know that’s straightforward about this, you don’t mince words. If you weren’t here, I doubt I could’ve improved this much this quickly.”

“I did nothing special, all I do is point something out. Anyone could do that.” stop trying to make me feel better. 

“Maybe, maybe not. You’re like a strict coach or one of those strict military trainers, you act like a total ass, but you do care.”

“In order to surpass RAD WEEKEND, you can’t take things easy. This is not a game we’re playing.” 

“Yeah I know. Just shut up and take the compliment.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.”

“She’s lying. She’s just glad you’re the one that screwed up.”

“Did you say something just now?”

“Say what?”

“Nothing.” 

By the time we knew it, it was nearly practice time. We said our goodbyes to Meiko and we brought out our phones, transporting us back to the park.

By coincidence we saw Kohane and Toya in the distance.

“Hey Kohane! Toya! Hurry it up!” An shouted. They both noticed and picked up their pace.

“An-chan you’re here before us, that’s rare.” Kohane commented. 

“Yeah, I woke up early and here I am.”

“We just got here also.” I said, another technical truth I said, but I don’t think Toya buys that since he was looking at us. We weren’t sweating were we?

Practice went really well; I practiced with Kohane and Toya with An and time went by really fast. I honestly wish it didn’t end that quickly, I wanted to train all day, but I have work today and An had to help out her dad later on.

Toya and An went off to their business while I was about to leave, but Kohane walked towards me, which was rare, she usually left with An like I usually left with Toya.

“Um Shinonome-kun.” she asked. It looked like she was trying to find the proper words to talk to me. Well, I am difficult to deal with. Sorry everyone…

“What’s up?”

“Are you doing ok? After what happened last night, I thought you might’ve stayed up all night practicing like the time with Arata. You woke up early didn’t you?” she straight up asked and knew what I did. Heh, there’s a reason why she’s the smart one out of the Vivids. 

“What would you do if I said no?” I forced myself a fake smile. I said I’d rely on them more, and that’s what I’m going to do.

“T-Then I’ll make sure to do whatever I can to cheer you up if that’s the case! I know I’m not that experienced and I’m not that great, but I’ll be sure to support you like I support An!”

My mind darkens when I hear those words, my eyes weaken as if someone drained the light out of them. 

She’s not that experienced and she’s not that great, she says. Kohane, are you mocking me? Ah, that’s right. I was the one that mocked her first when I messed with the equipment that night, it’s only fair that she mocks me back. But I know she’s not mocking me, but there’s somewhere in my mind telling me she is.

“Did you and Toya suggest this? Is that why he left with An so he could do to her what you’re doing to me?”

She panicked a little and then regained her composure. 

“Yes. We were all worried about you. Even An decided it was best if I came to you.”

I heard that voice again.

“Worried that you will bring them down.”

I… I focused my attention on her right now.

“You’re the one that cares the most about the group, you’re the reason why this group was born, it’s why you took it much, much harder than An-chan last night. Shinonome, that wasn’t your fault. I mean, look at me, I’m the most shy one out of all of us. I messed us up a few times, yet you all still accepted me. It’s only fair we all do the same to you. It’s not fair to you that you’re so hard on yourself when we all made the same mistake you did. So please, raise your chin. You’re the most studious one of all of us for our goal. You inspire us, so please, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re our friend, so please take care of yourself more.” Kohane, when did you start becoming more confident? You’re growing a lot faster than I thought. Before she’d only speak a few sentences to me, now here she is giving me a speech.

“Thanks Kohane, I'll try. I'll try to keep your words in mind. No need to watch over me, go enjoy your Saturday, I gotta do some things before I head to work.” I smiled gently, a rare sight. I don’t deserve a friend group like them.

She stared at me for a bit. 

“Are you sure Shinonome-kun? You’re not just saying that right?” Wow, just a few months ago you’d just let it go, but now you’re more persistent. I gave her a determined look.

She nodded at me and waved goodbye.

I waited.

And I waited until she was out of sight.

I thought about what she said, they all believe in me. They really do. All I do is worry em. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let that happen anymore.

I walk towards Main Street with my bag, I have time until work. I didn’t really have a plan. I just wandered around, window shopping at whatever I saw. I looked around the stores, but nothing caught my interest. I sat down on a bench to get some shade, and all I saw was people carrying shopping bags and families being happy…

I deeply sighed. Looking at them just makes me think about my own. I thought about when was the last time I shopped with Ena and dad. I tried real hard to remember, even digging into my football times, those times I hate now. 

I don’t have any. I don’t think the three of us ever shopped together at the same time. I don’t think I even shopped with dad ever, I just received clothes from him. After that I worked and bought my own stuff… 

He’s not even home that often and whenever he is, we just argue. What a broken family. The only adult in our house doesn’t even emotionally support us, our extended family doesn’t even want to talk to us, and mom leaving us.

But what right do I have to complain?

There are other people with even worse problems. Compared to them, I have it all. Other kids have physically abusive parents, little food, or no homes, or maybe no family at all. I don’t deserve the right to complain about my family… 

I have no right to complain…

Others have it worse.

Compared to me, Toya had it worse. No siblings that supported him, parents that forced him to do something that he hated.

I can’t complain… I can’t whine… I kept on muttering in my head.

Kohane’s words came back to me, even though it was recent.

“They all believe in me. They all trust me. I inspire them. I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want them to be inspired by a failure. I don’t want their trust in me to be gone. My actions affect the entire team. My actions reflect the entire team.” 

I kept on chanting to myself.

My body felt heavy, as if my skin suddenly gained several kgs. My movement felt slow. Eyes felt numb. 

Those words were on repeat as if I was watching a video on loop. 

I don’t feel well.

I don’t feel right.

Maybe, maybe some music would help. Music always cheers me up.

I reach towards my pocket to get my phone. I turn it on and I’m temporarily blinded by a brief, small light. My eyes instantly shut, like putting your hands on a burning stove. My hand put the phone down so it wouldn’t face me. This light again, first time it happened was when I first went to Street Sekai with the others. Does this mean another song appeared? 

I quickly went to the music section and scrolled down to check if anything changed. I checked again. Nothing.

I guess the light was just me being in the shade for too long. Something about eyes adjusting to light or something. I don’t know, I’m stupid. I just put on my headphones to listen to my two favorite songs on loop. I always listen to these songs. I feel… easier? Lighter? I don’t know how to explain it, but they give me some sort of comfort.

This simple, but hypnotic melody. Those melancholic but mesmerizing voices. It was probably my favorite song to listen to other than RAD WEEKEND’s. There was another one I listened to, but I didn’t want to listen to it right now since I was feeling a little better. 

“Oh, are you Ena’s brother?” I heard a voice speak out to me, I pulled out my headphones and looked up. It was two girls with long hair, one had purple and the other white. Although the white haired one looked like she was going to pass out. I think they were Ena’s late night friends or something?

“Oh hello there.” I put on my fakeass smile as I got up. “I believe you two are friends of Ena? Asahina-san and Yoisaki-san if I remember correctly, yes?”

The purple haired one paused for a moment before speaking. Her eyes were on me. What did I do wrong? Why are you just looking at me? What am I always doing wrong? Don’t look at me! My heart started beating faster.

“Ah. Yes we are. I’m surprised you remembered my name since we only briefly talked last time. What a coincidence to be seeing you here today.” she said while putting on a smile.

“Ah, I’m just here to rest just before I have to go to work.”

“Ah yes, I briefly heard Ena mention that once during one of our late night talks. You’re such a hard worker; going to school, working, and having practice. You were wonderful during the summer festival.”

“Ah, thank you very much. Those words mean a lot to me. It was my first time being on stage with a crowd that large, so it was an enjoyable experience for me. But is your friend alright? She hasn’t spoken a single word.” I turned to her and she was on the bench next to me, exhausted.

“I’m afraid she’s not good with sunlight, her tolerance to the sun is very low. We were on our way to eat before meeting you.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to be bothering you then! It’s not much but I have this if it’ll help.” I took out an unopened bottle of water from my bag and handed it to Yoisaki. It wasn’t cold, but water is water.

She gently grabbed it and then hastily opened it and gulped down half of it.

“Thank you! You saved me!” she finally said something. Just how weak is she to the sun? It’s not that hot out and I’m wearing a hoodie. “Mafuyu, next time, remind me to bring a portable fan or water. The sun, it burns.” she looked like she was going to sleep. 

“I think I took enough of both of your time, so I’ll be on my way to work. Thank you for taking care of my sister by the way. Have a wonderful day you two.” I gave a small, gentle bow.

“The pleasure is all ours, thank you for helping Kanade. I hope you have a wonderful day also.” she also returned a bow to me.

I got up and headed towards the direction of work. 

Work. 

What a pain. 

All I do is put on a fake smile and attitude.

I’m so sick of myself.

I went to work and did the same boring menial tasks. Restock shit, help customers, deal with shitty people. The hours felt like years. Not to mention it was a slow day. 

After that boring day, I went to Sekai to practice again. Yet Meiko’s cafe was closed. She’s probably off fixing some sort of problem or getting ingredients, yet something felt off. But everything looked normal, just that none of the Virtual Singers were there. I’d expected Len or Rin to tackle me and start asking to sing with them. Where were they? 

I went to plan b to practice, a spot Len and Luka told me in secret one time. Luka sometimes brought Len with her to find some exciting areas. It was a long way there so it’s rare for one of us to be there, but today was a good time. I went through a series of alleys and jumped over fences. This whole place was like a maze, an endless maze. How the hell does Luka wander around here? I finally saw a small tunnel, past this I should be at the spot. 

But the further I walked inside, the harder it was for me to think properly. It was like I was being drugged, like in those action movies. I felt dizzy, but luckily the tunnel was small enough I could put both hands so I couldn’t fall, not to mention it was just basically a long hallway. I dragged my feet, timing my breaths.

By the time I’m out, I’m out of breath. I never felt like that here. I’m- I’m probably just stressed out, I need to reassure myself, I can’t fail. I look forward and here it is.

A spacious stage, nowhere as big as those rock concerts or the one RAD WEEKEND held, but it’s enough space for me to be loud and far away enough from Meiko’s cafe to not be heard. It’s like a concert built for a small party that could fit around thirty people. There were mics on a table backstage, a couple of chairs, tables, and all sorts of stage equipment like lights and speakers. To be honest this area doesn’t feel like Street Sekai, it feels like it’s somewhere else. But Meiko did say this Sekai was born from all of our feelings, so I don’t question it, Sekai are a mystery. I sat down on a nearby chair to catch my breath.

Like this morning I stretched and did my vocal warm ups. I pretended it was Monday night, performing as if it were the real thing. I performed as if my life depended on it, as if my dream depended on it.

It was lonely though. Singing by myself on a stage like this. Usually I’d have someone next to me. Len was always excited to sing with me, heck Rin would argue with him cuz she wanted to sing with me. I did want to ask Kohane to join me, but I doubt she’d be allowed to practice this late. Unlike my parents, her parents give a shit about their child. I think even her dad tried to record one of her songs. I wonder if Ena would watch one of our performances… No that’s stupid and selfish of me, she has her art to focus on, not me.

It was quiet when it’s just me. 

It was peaceful when it’s just me.

It was empty when it’s just me.

It was boring when it was just me.

I looked at the time, it was late. Just then, the phone rang, Ena’s name appeared on the caller ID. I thought phone calls didn’t work on Sekai? Wait, did Meiko ever say that? I don’t remember.

“What is it?” I annoyingly answered.

“Hey Akito, could you pick something up for me?” always picking something up for her, I don’t know if she ever went out at night to get her own stuff other than going to school.

“Ugh, fine. Only if it’s on my way back home.”

“Just do-wait, what did you just say?” her voice calmed down immediately.

“I said I’ll get it only if it’s on the way home. If it’s somewhere like Main Street, forget it.”

“Oh, uh, ok…”

“Is there a problem?”

“No, just surprised is all. You usually just say no.” geez, I wonder why, I sarcastically thought.

“I’m feeling generous today, so you’re in luck. Hurry it up and spit it out.”

“Could you pick up some cheesecake for me and an energy drink?” 

“Yeah no problem, easy enough.”

“Hey, are you feeling alright?”

“Other than not eating dinner yet, I’m fine. Why?”

“You just… sound different?” isn’t that cuz I’m on the phone? Er, well it doesn't help that I'm in a different world. That’s probably why.

“It’s probably just your imagination. Just hang up already and work on your art.”

“Well excuse me for worrying about you!” I don’t feel like you worry about me, I darkly thought. “Get home safe.” she weakly whispered.

“Yeah, I will.” I hung up and sighed heavily.

I was ready to go home, if I practiced more, I’d probably sore my throat. And if that happened, I’d never forgive myself before a match. I pressed the button to be transported, but for a brief moment I saw something else. 

I saw an empty white, black, and gray area, with these weird black triangles floating around. There were these building pillars all over. This area, it felt cold. It felt like an endless void. I saw nothing in the distance, just white blankness. Before I could blink again, I saw a figure with large hair. She’s too far away for me to identify correctly, but it looks like her hair was in a twintail style. I only know one person that has that kind of hairstyle, but this one was larger. I was about to say her name out loud, but I was back in the park. The scene changed immediately even without me blinking like I was on tv.

“What the hell was that?” I said out loud. I checked my phone again to see if there were any changes. Nothing, everything was the same. I must be going insane. Was that a Sekai? If so, why could I see it? Doesn’t that mean my feelings are changing? That can’t be right, I still want to surpass RAD WEEKEND. What the hell is wrong with me? 

I just-that was-I don’t know. I’ll just go home, I have more important things to do other than some possible hallucination.

I dragged my feet home, exhausted. I want to be home already. 

I was still curious about that place though. That was Miku wasn’t it? She had twintails and a similar figure, but then again there could be a bunch of other people with that hairstyle. Could be cosplay, but I doubt there’d be a person that’d be cosplaying there if it were an actual place. If I was smarter then I could probably figure something out. Kamishiro could probably figure it out, he’s smart enough to build weird gadgets, he’s probably smart enough to make a theory.

I entered the convenience store closest to home and got the stuff Ena ordered me to get. I also got some cough drops, just in case my throat started to act up. I also grabbed some instant yakisoba. I haven’t eaten much today so yakisoba would be my dinner tonight. I took a bite and I tasted basically nothing, it just tasted bland, like plastic and salt. Whatever, this stuff’s probably just expired or a bad batch. 

I just use the last of my energy to run home, any longer and Ena would probably complain. She’d say something like;

“You’re so slow!”

“You’re so useless!” 

“You’re a dumb brother!” 

I enter home and I feel drained, it’s like there’s a bunch of tubes on my back, draining my blood, my energy. Why am I so tired?

The stairs. I just close my eyes and take long deep breaths. I move as slowly as I can. These stairs have been bothering me, slightly less and less everytime I walk up. Fortunately Ena wasn’t in sight whenever I went up. She was either in her room or at school. She’d probably say something to me if she saw me struggling…

When I reach the top, I knock while taking out my cough drops.

“Oh Akito, you're back safe.”

“Course I am. Here.” I handed her stuff as my eyes wobbled. 

“Are you feeling alright?” 

“Just tired from practice. Why?”

“It’s just that… nevermind.”

“Just shut up and say what’s on your mind.” just get to the point already, I just want to sleep.

“You look burnt out, like you’re bored.”

“I am?” I genuinely asked. How does someone look burnt out?

“Akito, you’re not doing anything dangerous right?”

“If by dangerous you mean practicing, then yes I am doing the most dangerous thing on Earth. Of course I’m not doing anything dangerous!” I lashed out, she knows I was out practicing, so what’s the point of asking that dumb question?

She didn’t flinch or get angry. She just silently stood there looking at me with pity. Is my life so bad that even my own sister pities me? Am I that much of a failure? Am I that much of a fuck up?

“Well? Is that all? Am I done?” I grew impatient.

“Akito, just… just take it easy. Thanks for the stuff, I owe you one. Eat dinner before you sleep alright? Night.” she gently closed the door.

Strange, she’d just flip out on me and slap me. Did I hurt her feelings or something when I flipped out? No, I doubt that. If she was in a bad mood she wouldn’t have called me nor opened the door. Take it easy she says though. I just walked to my room and just collapsed on my bed. 

Sunday was just a normal day, just extra stress on my consciousness. Practice and then work and practice and practice and practice.

Monday was the night. I did the usual routine, I woke up and went to school. After that, last minute practice. That night it was a chance for me to be redeemed for Friday’s fuck up. 

An and Toya was up. Their voices were in sync, they were so clean. An’s voice sounded loud but natural. She sounded nothing like she did on Friday. Toya’s voice is exactly what I expected, perfect.

“You don’t deserve them”

I ignore that voice.

By the time I knew it, they were done and the crowd wanted an encore. Heh, of course. I expected nothing less from the both of em. They were talented.

They left the stage and I high-fived my partner while Kohane hugged An. It was our turn on stage after this duo finished.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

“What if it’s a repeat of Friday?”

“What if I forget my lines?”

" What if my mic breaks down?”

“What if the crowd doesn’t like me?”

“Shinonome-kun!” I blinked rapidly and turned to the direction of the voice. It was Kohane, grabbing my hands. She wrapped her hands around mine like dumplings. What is she doing?

“I know what you’re feeling, but you can do it! You have my back and I’ll have yours! We’re up soon, and we made it this far so let’s finish it!” her eyes looked like they were on fire, full of confidence. Heh, look at me, being nervous. That’s not like me. 

“I better not disappoint her.”

“Yeah, you’re right!” I confidently replied to her.

“Break a leg Akito!” An shouted in front of my ear. She’s lucky the cheers of the crowd were there to block off some of her voice. If they weren’t there, I’d probably scream back in her ear.

“Akito.” Toya just nodded and gave me a smile. Those were all the words I needed from him.

I walked with Kohane on stage.

And she started singing.

And I started singing.

And…

And… I sounded fine.

She sounded great!

I sounded great!

Our voices harmonized!

The cheers got louder and louder, loud enough for it to block off my thoughts.

They love her singing.

I can’t disappoint them now.

I took a small, quick glance at Kohane and she gave a small one back. She nodded.

She recognized me.

By the time I knew it, we were done. The crowd roared, shouting out our names, our group name, yelling out for an encore.

They did it.

I did it.

I smiled, I forgot when was the last time I smiled like this.

Unsurprisingly, we won this battle.
Just one more left. If we win this one, we’d be one step closer. It’d be a single step closer towards the enormous red carpeted stairs RAD WEEKEND laid out for us. I know we could do it, slowly but surely.

We all agreed to take the next day off. We deserved it and we all worked hard. So we just spent the day relaxing. I feel better somehow.

But when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I felt groggy. My muscles ached, my head pulsated. I felt terrible.

I don’t wanna wake up, but I have to. I have school and practice. I very slowly put on my clothes, grabbed my bag, and dragged my feet to the restroom. It felt like it took me ages to brush my teeth and wash my face. Going down the stairs was also a hassle for some reason. I put a hand on the handle and slowly made my way down. It was hard, I still felt sleepy, I feel heavy, I feel warm yet cold?

I blinked and when I opened my eyes, my face was on the floor. I painfully pulled myself off the floor, my muscles felt like they were burning, locked in place, as if I did an intense workout. I grabbed my shoes. It felt like a puzzle, putting on my shoes took abnormally long. I grabbed the door handle, it was very cold and I turned it.

I locked it and slowly made my way to school. It was cold. Why is it so cold? I know it’s Autumn, but I’m never this cold. Why does everything look so far? Why does everything look darker? Why does my head feel like it’s bigger than it should be?

I’d usually be at school by now, but I’m still not there. I had no energy to run, no energy to wake myself up.

“.o!” I heard something, but it sounded so far away.

“Hey th.. Li. ..o!” that voice got louder. It’s giving me a headache.

“Hey there Lil Bro!” that voice, it belonged to Ena’s friend. But who? I can’t think straight. I just need to go to school and get it over with. I need to practice.

“Why are you ignoring me Lil Bro? Woke up grumpy?” just shut up please. I feel my head swaying back and forth.

I see the gate and I see An and I blink. 

Good, I finally made it.

It felt like I walked a marathon.

I feel tired. 

I just wanna go back to sleep. 

I blink again.

When my eyes open, I see An running towards me.

Why are you running towards me?

What did I do wrong?

And how are you running like that?

How are you running sideways?

I hear a bunch of voices, but I can’t understand them.

What’s happening?

Can I just-

When I woke up, I found myself on a bed in an empty white room. My body was cold. I pulled the blanket closer to me. I was shivering. Did I get sick? Am I in the hospital? My throat feels dry, like it was full of sand. How did I get sick?

I heard the door open and I slowly moved my body to look who opened it.

It was Toya.

“Akito! You’re awake! You had us worried!” he ran towards me and grabbed a chair to sit on.

“Tohyah, wa hapuned?” (translation: Toya, what happened?)

My voice couldn’t come out properly. Just talking felt like I was swallowing glass.

“Don’t speak, you’re sick.” Toya, isn’t that obvious? “You collapsed in front of the school gates, Akiyama and An screamed and called an ambulance.” but shouldn’t I be at the nurse’s office then?

“Akito, you have a really bad viral infection. It’s not life threatening thankfully. You were knocked out for nearly nine hours and you landed on your head. You have to stay here for a couple of days.” wait, that means I’ll probably miss Friday’s match. I can’t miss that match!

My eyes widened as far as I could. Toya shook his head as if he knew what I was thinking.

“No Akito, you can’t go on Friday. Your health is far more important than this!”

Toya no, please, I can’t mess this up again!

If I miss this, then that’s twice I caused trouble for us!

That’ll be the second time I disappoint us!

That’ll ruin our reputation!

“Buht-” I weakly spoke out. (translation: but)

“No buts! Akito, you literally can’t go even if you wanted to! You can’t even talk properly right now! Even if you were allowed to go, you might end up getting others sick. Akito please, just stay here and rest. I hate seeing you push yourself beyond your limits.” he’s usually not this expressive, his eyes, they were so sad.

“I disappointed them again.”

“You failed again.”

I hear those two again.

Why do I always fail whenever I’m needed the most?

Why do I always disappoint everyone?

Why?

“Ena, Akiyama, An, and Kohane are here too. I’ll grab a nurse while I tell the others you’re awake.”

“Leve meh ahlun puhleez.” (translation: Leave me alone please.)

I weakly and slowly turned away from him. I think my voice gave out, I wanted so say I don't wanna see visitors, but I couldn't.

He sighed heavily.

“Alright Akito, we’ll discuss this later. Please rest and get better.” I heard the chair squeak and I hear his footsteps get quieter and quieter until I hear a door shut.

I’m alone.

Again.

I’m always screwing up.

It’s not fair.

Why me?

Why did I have to be sick now?

My eyes started watering heavily.

My throat had a large lump that I couldn’t swallow.

Fuck.

Fuck!

FUCK!

I wanted to choke myself. I wanted to drink boiling water with an entire bottle of honey poured in it. Honey is good for the throat right? Then I wanna drink it all and I’ll be better, RIGHT?!

Why?

I did everything right. I rested when I needed to; I didn’t strain myself like last time. Why do I have such bad luck? I would’ve been fine if I got sick Friday night after our match, but NO I HAD TO GET SICK RIGHT BEFORE IT!

I just want to be proud.

I just want to make my dreams come true, is that too much to ask?!

If there is a god or something, then why do you keep on hurting me?

It hurts, I was finally sobbing out loud. 

It hurts to cry, it hurts my throat, it hurts my head, it hurts my pride, it hurts my friends. 

Can’t I catch a break for once?

Can’t I even be happy?

Chapter Text

What was the whole point of me training extra hard? Everything I did led up to this. All of that work, just for me to miss it. I’m so sick of everything. I can’t even sleep without something happening to me. I can’t even think properly, all I could think was how much of a failure I am and how shitty I’m feeling. I hate this feeling, I hate crying. I don’t want anyone to look at me like this. Guys aren’t supposed to cry right? Yet here I am crying my eyes out. 

I just stayed in this bed covering myself with blankets, shivering while in a fetal position. I can't even fall back to sleep since I just woke up recently. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to stay still. 

I heard a door open. 

I rapidly rubbed my eyes against the sheets, drying out my eyes. This is a pathetic sight I don’t ever want to show to anyone.

“Akito!” a familiar voice yelled out. “Toya told me you were awake!” I’m in so much pain that I can’t even recognize that voice.

Someone gently pulled the sheets off of my head. That just made me even more cold. I didn’t open my eyes, just leave me alone. Let me freeze to death.

“Akito, how’s your head?” I heard that same voice that talked to me this morning. Ena’s friend, but who? 

“Akito, you need to get up. I know you’re freezing, we got more blankets, but you need to sit up right now.” next thing I know, the upper part of the bed was being lifted. I tried to get up with all my strength but it was difficult, my muscles were sore and numb. I felt two sets of hands guiding me, my body was now properly elevated. I slowly opened my eyes.

It was Ena, she was the one that entered.

Ah right, Toya did say she was here. Her eyes were so red, she didn’t have her makeup on, which was rare. She’d never leave home looking like that. Why are you here like this?

“Akito, do you recognize me?” she worryingly said out as she wrapped blankets all around me while the other one put two pillows behind my back for support. That felt so much better, I feel toasted now.

“Ehna.” (translation: Ena)

“And me?” I looked towards that voice and it was the one Ena usually hung out with.

“Ahkehyahmah.” I hoarsely said. (translation: Akiyama)

“Alright that’s enough, don’t talk, you’ll strain your voice. If you strain it, how else will you sing?” Ena gently smiled at me, seemingly happy that I recognized her. 

But I don’t care if I strain my voice, I can’t even sing that well. You’re the talented one that can sing. I’m just a piece of shit with talent for art, I’d give you this talent instantly for free.

“Come on, please take your medicine.” Akiyama reached out for a small plastic bag with a bunch of pills on the table with one hand and a cup filled with water on the other.

“Let me do it.” Ena grabbed both items and put a straw on the cup of water. “Come on, take it.” I opened my mouth as wide as I could and she put the pills on my mouth, like it was a sugar packet. I closed it as she brought the straw to my mouth and I sipped as much as I could before I swallowed everything. “That’s good, drink more, you’re probably dehydrated.” I sipped some more until the cup was empty.

Ena, you’re like a mom right now. Heh, I wonder what mom is doing right now…

“Hey Lil Bro” Akiyama says, they went back to saying that nickname. “you could understand us no problem right?”

I nodded slightly, but my head wobbled like a bobblehead. I don’t know if they understood what I was trying to say.

“Ena’s going to ask a simple question since the nurses are a bit busy right now.” Akiyama said.

“Akito, on a scale of 1-10, of 10 being the worst pain yet, how bad is it? I’ll use my fingers since you can’t really use yours.” I tried to make a fist, but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t feel it.

Ena stuck up four fingers. Then five, then six, then seven, then eight, then nine.

I nodded at nine. I haven’t gotten this sick in forever.

“A nine huh…” I think she looked down, that sad that I was in that much pain. She then put her towards my forehead. Her hands were freezing as I shivered and flinched backwards in reflex which hurt my back. I leaned back and put my hands over my mouth so I don’t cough on her or anything. “Sorry, I’m just checking your temperature. And don’t worry about me getting sick.” she put her hands towards my forehead again, but this time it wasn’t as cold. It felt like there was steam coming from my head. 

“Yeah you still have a very high fever. I’m surprised you’re even awake.”

“Well he did sleep for like, what, nine hours? Lil Bro is tough.”

“Still, he landed on his head. Look at that band aid on the side of his head.” she pointed towards the left side of my head.

I slowly brought my left hand towards it. I felt cloth and a bunch of those weird medical tape things. I was so busy crying I didn’t even notice it.

“Oh don’t worry, it’s not a serious wound Lil Bro. It should be fine to take it off tomorrow. Still you had me worried when you fell down. An and I never felt so terrified in our lives. Toya actually jumped out a window to run to you.” so Toya did that huh, that won’t look good for his smart boy reputation. I don’t deserve him as a partner. “Is everything alright? I heard from the others that you were fine yesterday.”

Is everything alright?

Is everything alright she asks. 

I shook my head. 

I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t.

I wanted to yell, but I couldn’t.

I wanted to punch myself in the throat, but I couldn’t.

Everything went wrong.

Ena just looked at me. She must’ve been worried sick.

I’m sorry for bothering you, for taking away your sleep or art time right now…

“Is it something you want to talk about?” she gently asks.

I shook my head.

Her eyes widened for a second before shrinking.

“I see.” she simply says. “If you need anything, please text me Akito, alright? I’ll see if I could bring you something to eat.” she handed me my phone which was on the table next to me and I nodded, but I doubt I was going to need anything. I don’t want to be a nuisance to her or anybody right now.

I wanted to be alone, but at least they were here to help me. I still would’ve been freezing if it weren’t for them. I wonder if I have to do an x-ray or spit in a tube. That’d be annoying if I have to, I just want to leave this place and be locked up in my room.

“I’ll be on my way, I’ll visit you again tomorrow. Sleep well!” Ena got up and left in a rush.

“The others will be here soon, visiting doesn’t last forever unfortunately. Get better Lil Bro!” they also left in a hurry.

I just want to be left alone. Dealing with people is a hassle. I don’t want to look at An or Kohane. I’m a failure in this group, dead weight. I just wanna go back to sleep, that way I don’t have to be in pain.

Look at me, I have people that are worried and helping me and I just want them to leave me alone. I really am horrible. How am I going to fix this? Two days until their match and I’m here in bed. I doubt I’ll get lucky and get better within two days.

Maybe Meiko could give me advice tomorrow if I’m feeling better, she’s smart, she’s motherly, she could probably think of something. 

Kotaro could be a substitute, but I’m not sure if he’ll agree or if he’ll have enough time.

If push comes to shove… there’s-

“Akito!” I heard the door open and several footsteps. That voice is so loud, quiet down will ya?

“Shinonome!” finally a voice that’s not loud.

An and Kohane are here to visit, and there’s Toya in the back slowly walking in.

“Hey, how are you feeling?! Do you recognize us?! What’s your name? Your favorite food?” An, I appreciate the concern, but please, shut up. You’re being as loud as Tsukasa right now.

“An, you’re being too loud, didn’t he just wake up recently? And Aoyagi said he can’t talk.” THANK YOU. I am so glad you’re here to be the voice of reason here.

“Ah right, sorry! Couldn’t help it! I was worried all day!” sorry…

“Shinonome-kun, we brought you some cheesecake, although you should eat it after you eat something more nutritious.” ah right, hospital food. I’m probably going to be eating porridge or something, I heard horror stories like airplane food. 

I nodded my head, hopefully they knew that meant thanks.

Kohane left the small bag on the table next to me. I doubt cheesecake will make me feel better, but it’ll take my mind off of things temporarily.

Toya was quiet, he’d usually say something by now. He’s probably thinking about what to do on Friday. He knows this means a lot to me, to the group. I just don’t know if he told the other two yet or if they’re not bringing it up. 

Do the Virtual Singers know I’m here? If so, Meiko would probably nag at me or something, saying I should be more careful. Kaito would say something like eat something I like to feel better. Len and Rin would just yell and be concerned for me. Luka and Miku would probably just be calm and say I should take it easy.

“Hey Akito.” An’s voice got deeper,  more serious. I turned my head to her. “We should talk about Friday.” I nodded at that. I wonder what their thoughts were on what to do.

“I highly doubt you’d want us to just forfeit or just cancel it.” I nodded rapidly. Oh god, I regret nodding that fast just now, I feel dizzy now.

“The thing is it wouldn’t be the same without you, we’re VBS. We could sing with just the three of us, but that’ll put more pressure on the person that’d be singing twice.” I know, I know what I’m asking is selfish.

“But you’re stubborn Akito, you’d probably say something like it’d be good practice or we should find a temporary sub.” Toya added on, finally speaking.

Yeah it’s like that saying, how’d it go? Something about a wolf biting their leg off of a trap to survive? Right now I’m the trapped leg, you have to cut me off right now.

“Listen, finding a last minute substitute would be extremely hard, so let’s compromise.” oh? Did An have an idea? “If we don’t find a substitute by tomorrow at 6pm, we’ll cancel. If we do manage to find out, we’ll continue on Friday. How’s that for a deal?” at this point, I don’t have many options. I nodded, confirming our deal. Who thought of the idea? Kohane?

“It’s times like these I wish you weren’t so stubborn.” Toya shook his head, probably annoyed at me.

“Um… there’s also one more thing we all discussed and agreed on.” Kohane weakly said. It’s probably something I wouldn’t like, my gut is telling me that. 

“Shinonome-kun, we all agreed that after Friday we’ll all take a break from practice.”

What?

Why?

Toya noticed my reaction and said something real quick.

“We’re all having exams soon after and we need to focus on that. Not to mention you still have to take it easy for a bit just in case, even after you recover completely.” we’ve always done our practices and other events while exams were coming up. Is my sickness just an excuse not to do it? I can’t rest! Every second I’m not resting is every I could be getting better!

I glanced at An for a bit.

“I do need to pass this exam, otherwise I’ll have to take supplementary classes, hehe.” she looked at me with a weak look in her eyes. But you never study this early, you always cared about singing first then your grades last!

I feel horrible.

“Good job getting sick. You’re always disappointing them. Twice you failed them within a week.”

“They’re so worried about you that they’re going to be resting with you essentially. Are you going to let their kindness go to waste? Why are you so selfish? All you have to do is pass the exams and make sure to practice even harder. Otherwise they will leave you.”

If I don’t take it easy, I’ll just make em worry more. But I could improve…

If I take it easy, then I’ll forget some of the training we did…

What choice do I have?

I have to take it easy, the three talented ones said they’ll focus on exams. My vote doesn’t count, I’m dead weight. I’m such an idiot for trying to argue against em. I’m nothing…

I gave the weakest nod I could.

I can’t be selfish… why should the talentless one be selfish? That’s dumb.

I heard some more footsteps, it was Ena and Akiyama.

“Look at this, it’s a party.” Akiyama said while holding some drinks.

“We’re back.” Ena was carrying a small tray. I saw something steaming from a bowl. “It’s rice porridge, you can’t open your mouth that well so I got you something that’s easy for you to eat.”

“Look at that Akito, you have such a kind sister.” An teased, changing the subject. “Anyways we should leave, we have to try to find a sub.” they all waved goodbye and left.

“Come on Akito, open your mouth.” she took a spoonful and blew on it, ugh this is so embarrassing. I see Akiyama there giggling while taking a photo. I’m too weak to even make a comment on that. My stomach was empty, I haven’t ate breakfast nor lunch, and dinnertime is coming soon. I reluctantly opened my mouth. I haven’t been fed like this in forever.

I looked at Ena, I can’t tell but I think her eyes were redder than before. That or it’s just my sickness playing tricks on my dumb eyes.

“Just know this is a one time thing, so don’t think I’m going to be doing everything for you, got it?” she jokingly said.

This porridge tastes so bland. Didn’t Tsukasa mention that his sister ate stuff like this all the time? Man, I don’t know how she survived eating this crap. Oh well, food is food, anything to calm my stomach growling.

I still can’t believe Ena is doing this though, feeding me. I was certain that she was just going to bring me it and I was going to eat it with my own hands. She’s probably going to be using this against me in the future, something like ‘Who took care of you when you were sick? Now shut up and get me something from the convenient store!’ ugh, what a pain.

Next thing I knew, I ate all of it. I didn’t even realize I ate it that quickly.

“Good to know you still have a good appetite, that’s a relief. Do you want me to get more?”

I shook my head. It was too embarrassing to be fed, especially from Ena of all people.

“That was cute, such a rare sight seeing Ena acting like an actual older sibling.”

“Hey! Even I can act like an older sister from time to time!”

“Yeah, maybe once a month at most. Remember when you kept pestering him to get you ice-cream over the summer?”

“Hey, I gave him money to get himself one too!”

Oh boy, there goes the peace and quiet, thanks Akiyama. It was nice while it lasted for a few minutes.

“Makes me jealous, I wish I had a little brother like Lil Bro.” Akiyama made a stupid cutesy pose. If I was your little brother, I’d be stuck wearing clothes you made as a test model, no thank you. Hard pass.

“Oh please, if Akito was your brother, you’d be using him to model for your clothes or asking him what’ll be good matching clothes.” dammit Ena, stop copying my thoughts.

“Eh heh! Busted!” they made that stupid pose where you lightly tap your fist on your head while sticking out your tongue with one eye closed.

Can I have An back here instead? Hearing these two talk is a major annoyance.

I just closed my eyes; out of sight out of mind right? I think that’s how that saying goes.

“Ah. Sorry Akito, you probably don’t want to hear us arguing, good night. I’ll visit again tomorrow, I promise.” I heard footsteps getting quieter until the door silently shut.

Finally some quiet. I could finally sleep and get some-

I heard my phone ring. Oh for the love of- WHO IS IT? Can’t I sleep?

I brought my phone out and I saw Len and Rin.

“Akito, we heard you were sick! You’re not dying right!?” why is everyone in my life loud besides Toya, Kohane, and Meiko? 

“He’s just sick you idiot! And quiet down! He’s at a hospital, what if someone hears us?” Rin, you’re just as loud as your twin.

I would love to tell em to shut up, but I physically can’t. They’re just as loud as Ena and I whenever we fight.

“Ah right, you can’t talk, sorry.” 

“We didn’t catch you at a bad time right?” geez, not like I was going to sleep soon.

“Wish we could bring you something, but we can’t. If we had a physical body, we’d be giving you a bunch of stuff to help you feel better!”

“I’d be singing a bunch of songs you love!”

“And Meiko could be making a bunch of desserts and drinks!”

“Kaito and Luka would also be working on a bunch of songs for you!”

So loud. 

At least they’re not arguing, better for them to be loud and happy than separate and angry. Much easier to deal with em when they’re happy. I guess they’re like me and Ena. Another voice could be heard from the background.

“Len! Rin! Akito’s trying to rest! Leave him alone for now, he needs to rest!” that voice was Meiko’s. “He can’t even talk properly! Visit him after he feels better!”

Thank you Meiko, there’s a reason why I come to you often for advice.

“Oh fine, even though we don’t like leaving so soon. Sorry to bother you, we’ll visit another time!” they both hung up. Finally, some peace and quiet.

I finally rested my head back. Just an hour of waking up and I feel like I ran across the entire country. I need to sleep. The medicine Ena gave me probably made me drowsy. This is the first time I slept this much. I shut my eyes again, they felt like bricks being dropped.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I’m not surprised though, I slept shortly after sunset. I was feeling a little better, better enough to walk around a little. I wasn’t as cold and I could feel my throat feeling a little better. I was still a bit dizzy and I still had a fever. This sucks, I wish a miracle happened and I was completely better.

I didn’t want to sit around in this bed doing nothing. I decided to go to Sekai. I needed to stretch my body, I hate sitting on my ass doing nothing. I grabbed my phone and put on the slippers by my bed and pressed the song Ready Steady. It didn’t take me there immediately, I pressed it again a few more times until it took me there.

Street Sekai looked different, even though it’s my first time visiting here this early in the morning. The air felt heavy, it felt a little chilly which didn’t help my fever. It wasn’t as bright as it usually is. Some of the graffiti looked like they were scrubbed off or rather torn off like they were stickers or posters. I also didn’t get transported near Meiko’s cafe. What’s going on?

I walked around a little, my body wasn’t as sore as yesterday but I had to take it easy. I had to use my hand to lean on a wall for support, not to mention I’m wearing hospital gowns, so I couldn’t run properly even if I wanted to.

“Hello?” I yelled out as loud as I could without hurting my voice. I’m recovering, that’s some good news out of a dozen bad news…

“Len? Miku? Meiko? Anyone?” strange, what’s going on? I never felt like this in Sekai before.

I heard something in the alley on my right.

“Rin? If this is a prank, I’m gonna be pissed off. Luka, if that’s you, I can’t keep up with you right now. Kaito, if that’s you then this is not the time nor place to be irresponsible.” I walked further in. To be honest, it felt eerie like I was in a horror movie. It looked like I was going to be ambushed and get attacked. But that wouldn’t happen to me in a Sekai right? 

Right?

I put my hand on my phone just in case, getting ready to go back if that does happen. I walked further in and I heard… voices? It couldn’t be Toya, An, or Kohane’s, they’re still asleep at this time. It's still like three in the morning.

I got closer and closer, the voices were talking all at the same time so it was hard whose voices they belonged to. 

When I glanced at the corner, I saw all of the Virtual Singers.

What?

Why didn’t they answer me? Maybe they were busy talking about something that my voice didn't reach their ears. At least they were familiar faces and not a murderer.

“Hey everyone, do you know what’s wrong with the place?” I looked at them and they took a few seconds before turning to me. Having like six pair of eyes slowly staring into you was a sight I did not need to see.

Ok, that was creepy.

“Uh, is everything alright?”

“What are you doing here?” Kaito was the first one to speak. He gave a very neutral look. No idea what he’s feeling.

“I mean, didn’t everyone say this is a Sekai I can visit whenever?” I responded. Kaito looked like he was a little disappointed at something.

“What are you doing here?” he said again.

“I mean, I know I should be resting but I thought walking here would be good exercise?”

“You shouldn’t be here.” Rin was the next to say something, she wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t angry. I couldn’t tell what she was feeling.

“Uh what? Guys, what’s wrong with you all? I mean, it’s not like I wanted to be in this specific part of the Sekai, I was in this area by chance. Come on Rin, that’s a bit immature, even for you.”

“Shouldn’t you be practicing?” Len this time was acting funny. He had an annoyed look on her face.

“Len, I’m sick, I can’t practice even if I wanted to. Meiko, please tell me what’s wrong with everyone here.” 

“Weren’t you the one that wanted to surpass RAD WEEKEND? So why did you get sick?” Meiko had a scary look on her face, something I never saw.

“I can’t choose when I get sick, that’s stupid. Come on, you should know that, you’re the most mature one here. Quit joking everyone, you’re all scaring me.” I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. I just slowly moved back, still gripping my phone in case something went too wrong. I turned to Luka, I was hoping she was sane.

“Such a shame, you were working so hard. Too bad that’s all gone now. What was all that work for?” Luka too. She had a condescending look on her face, a look similar to Arata. If she’s acting weird then that means only Miku is left, but I doubt she’s also sane. 

“Man, such a shame that everyone here is stuck with someone like you. They’re all so much better than you. Oh wait, aren’t you working super hard just to even keep up with them? Didn’t you say you’re putting more effort than all of them combined? Too bad for every week you train, they only need a single day to surpass you. They said you were good, but was that just a lie?” she had a large smirk on her face, a creepy, evil smirk.

Why is everyone acting like this?! I just wanted to walk around and chat with someone here! What did I do wrong?! I need to leave, this is just a nightmare right?! Just a nightmare! Just a nightmare! 

I pinched myself in the arm since moving my arm was still tiresome.

I felt it.

It hurt a bit.

This can’t be real!

I look at everyone, their eyes staring at me.

I need to leave.

I pressed Ready Steady.

I’d be back on Earth in no time!

…

…

…

What? I’m still here!

I pressed it again.

Again.

And again!

And again!

It worked earlier! 

Let me go back!

I ran as far as I could as fast as I possibly could, they weren’t chasing me, good!

Were they hit by some sort of virus?! They’re programs or something right? Maybe some sort of virus is causing them to act all wonky!

I turned a corner and I saw Meiko in front of me. How the hell did she get in front of me?!

“You’re all talk. You disgust me.” she spat out. Those words felt like needles stabbing me right through the heart.

“Shut up!” I ran the opposite way while trying to press Ready Steady again. It’s still not working! Maybe if I select other songs?!

I pressed every song I could in order, but none of them were playing nor was I back. I’m regretting downloading all these songs! What the hell is going on?! I’m awake and the time is going forward, so I’m not in some sort of loop!

I’m getting tired, I’m pushing myself to run, but my lungs, they’re on fire. My throat was dry. I coughed like I was spitting out nails, it was painful to the point my throat was hurting and I was wheezing.

“You know, you act all tough, but you’re just a coward. But you know that. You know how much of a burden you are to everyone, but you’re too scared to admit that.”

“If you’re not careful with your words, your friends will just give up on you, who knows, one day they might have enough and leave you, just like your mother.”

It was Rin and Kaito this time that appeared in front of me, just leave me alone!

I ran faster, ignoring my pain in my chest and throat, ignoring the pain from my coughs.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Why are you all talking to me like this?!

Aren’t we friends?!

Friends aren’t supposed to be saying stuff like this!

Didn’t you all say you wanted to support us in our dreams?!

Was it all a lie?!

Is it just me they’re tormenting?!

I’m hallucinating right? Maybe it’s all a hallucination! They haven’t touched me  yet! Yeah that’s right! I’m hallucinating and I’m just going insane from this headache! 

I bumped into someone.

I look at who I bumped into. I just wanted to punch them all if I had the strength.

“Akito?” Len said out loud, beside him was Luka and Miku. I didn’t even bother to look at them, but I know they are looking at me. Stop looking at me!

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I pressed the last in my songlist and my prayers were heard, there was a glowing light and I was gone!

But my illness caught up with me and my eyes shut again.

I open my eyes and I don’t hear any of their voices. I bring myself up and look where I was.

I was out of that hell!

Finally!

I’m here in the hospital bed with… a void of white in the distance…

Where the hell am I…?

Is this the same place I saw last week? 

This empty void.

Is this hell? 

Am I dead?

“Hello.” a familiar voice was speaking to me. I flinched and screamed, I wanted to run but I couldn’t. My body gave out and I was on the floor again.

“Are you ok?” I saw… Miku? She looks different than usual.

“Who are you?” I hesitantly asked.

“I am Hatsune Miku.” another Miku? Wh-what?

“You can’t be Miku, Miku wears a jacket and she doesn’t have eyes like yours.” is my mind playing another cruel trick on me?

“I see. So you saw another version of me. I am the Hatsune Miku of this Sekai’s creator.” she spoke monotonously, I just realized that.

“First, you’re not here to hurt me or anything right?” 

“No. That is not my purpose. My purpose is to help the creator of this Sekai.”

“This Sekai? You mean there are others?” 

“There are many others. However, you seem to be a rare special case where your feelings are changing, allowing you to enter other specific Sekai.” my feelings are changing? Then that would mean I can’t access Street Sekai, that means I lost my dream of surpassing…

“Hold on!” I weakly yelled out. “My feelings are still the same, there’s no way my feelings for surpassing RAD WEEKEND changed!” I panicked, if that’s gone then I’ll have nothing…

“I don’t know what this rad weekend is, but you appear to be a special case. It seems you have access to two Sekai. For now.”

For now she says. Meiko said their personalities were based off of us, so when they attacked me, what does that mean exactly?

“Then why did my world’s Virtual Singers try to attack me? Why did they say all those hurtful things to me!? Explain that!”

“What…?” her eyes widened. “That shouldn’t be possible, even in the worst case scenario.” she… she doesn’t seem like she’s lying. 

“I was wondering where you went Miku, it seems like we have another resident in this place. I was not expecting that.” that voice belonged to Meiko. I nearly flinched. Her eyes were similar to “my” Meiko. I also see Rin and Luka walking beside her.

“A fifth one? How peculiar.” Rin simply states with a monotonous voice like Miku’s. 

“Another one to join the party.” Luka was the only one smiling here. 

“This is a nightmare! This is all too much to bear!” I grabbed my hair out of frustration! This is too much! Another Sekai I can visit, my Sekai Virtual Singers somehow hate me, my feelings are changing, I can’t even stretch my legs and have a simple chat at the café!

“There, there, deep breaths.” Luka’s hand was on my back and I slapped her hand back. 

“Stop talking! Stop taunting me!” the words my Luka said were still fresh in my mind. All of their words were still freshly engraved.

“Luka, can’t you see he’s distressed? We’re supposed to be observing the kids.” 

“Hey I was trying to help, unlike you. Can’t you see he’s hurt?”

“I am, and you’re making it worse. He’s overwhelmed right now. It’s best if we leave him alone.”

“You could do that with the others, but I’m not leaving him alone. He can barely stand on his own right now. What’s he going to do, crawl to us once he’s better?”

“Whatever. I’ll be at the usual spot.” Meiko walked away, does she not get along with Luka?

“What is your name?” Rin asked me while I was trying to calm down.

“A-Akito.” I weakly said, my voice got weaker, from all that yelling.

“You remind me of someone.” she simply said and walked towards a spot with a mirror in the distance.

I need to catch my breath, after that I can ask more questions.

Deep breaths.

I slowed my breathing while shutting my eyes. What did mom, no rather what did Ena do to help me at times like these? I think she said to breathe in for four and then out for eight.

In, two, three, four.

Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

I think I finally caught my breath. I slowly got up but Luka lended me her hand.

“Sorry about earlier, I wasn’t-”

“Don’t be.” she quickly said as she smiled a little. It seems like she’s the only expressive one here.

“Where are Len and Kaito?” I asked. I wonder how they’d be here.

“Not here yet.” Miku simply explained. 

They’re not here yet huh. It didn’t feel the same without them.

“Earlier I tried to leave my Sekai with the song I played to get there, but it didn’t work. Do you two have any idea what’s the deal with that?” I walked a little while Luka and Miku gave me their shoulders to lean on.

“Sorry, I don't know the reason for that. All I know is the song you used to enter here. Do not worry though, the song you used to enter here can be used to leave also. This Sekai is now also yours to visit.” at least I know I won’t be trapped here forever.

“Maybe the song you used to enter your Sekai can only let you in and not out? Not sure if that’s true though. This is a mystery to us also.” Luka theorized. Well it’s a theory I could believe, but I doubt I’ll be going there anytime soon.

So I now have two Sekai to visit. Street Sekai and this empty void. What a way to start the day off. How am I going to explain to everyone that I can’t go with them to Street Sekai? I might as well ask who else is- wait…

I see where Meiko and Rin were and I see a painting near the mirror I saw earlier. I hobbled over there letting go of the shoulders I was borrowing, getting there as soon as I could. I squinted and looked at it closely and it looked familiar, too familiar.

“This painting, who drew it!?” I asked instantly, I was hoping what I was thinking wasn’t true.

This style, I saw this style often! The colors that blended together, it was the same colors I picked up often! The canvas stand itself, I was the one that helped pick it! The art style itself belonged to someone I knew!

“Ena.” Rin simply said.

“Ena who?!” my heart felt like it was going to break. Please tell me it’s a different Ena.

“Shinonome Ena is the one that painted that.” Meiko said.

“What does this Shinonome Ena look like?!” It could be a different Ena, I told myself. It was an obvious lie I told to myself.

“Brown hair, black skirt, and a cute pink top.” I didn’t want to believe Luka’s words. But this is…

No way…

This is Ena’s Sekai?! 

This empty void?!

Just what has she been hiding from me… 

Miku told me Sekai are born from people’s feelings, I could understand why my Sekai looks like that, at least for my feelings. But, but Ena’s…? This place? 

Ena, what are you really feeling?

Am I that bad at being your brother?

Did I not help you as much as I thought I did?

I thought I was helping you…

I thought…

I never thought you’d have a Sekai, but never in a million years would I think it’d be this empty, this lonely. I don’t know how many people this Sekai belongs to, but even I know you have some feelings that are related to the creation of this void.

Is this why you never talk to me about your problems? Because I don’t help you enough? Because I’m so useless? Because there are better people to help you? Is it because I was talented in art that you feel this way? Did I make you feel this way?

Ena, am I making you suffer?

I fell on my knees again.

So this is the reason why you’ve been sleeping later than usual for the past several months. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t talk to me if I were you…

“Is something wrong?” Miku asked me.

“Promise me. Promise me that all of you never mention me or that I know this! Keep my existence here a secret!”

“Is Ena important to you? Is that why you don’t want her to know?” this Rin is a lot more clever than mine.

“Very. She’s my sister. If she knew that I was here, then… then…” I don’t know. I don’t know how she'd react, but it hurts me to know this is where she goes often. “If she knew that I knew her secret, she wouldn’t look at me the same way. PLEASE!” I begged, I never begged, begging for me meant I was weak. Ena and I, we’re not as close as we once were. I’m afraid if I talk to her about this, our relationship wouldn’t be the same ever again.

“I see, so you’re the brother Ena kept on mentioning from time to time. If you think this will help you or her, then I’ll keep it a secret.” Meiko, you’re similar to the one I know, you know? Just a lot more grumpy.

I turned to the other three, my eyes were watery again, fuck. I’m so pathetic. I need to stop crying.

“If that is what you want.” Miku nodded.

“It’d be fun to keep this secret.” Luka shrugged. 

That’s the best I’m probably going to get from Luka. Rin was the only one that hadn't agreed yet.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” I nodded.

“Ena already has a lot on her plate, there’s a reason why she’s here. She has other people that've been helping her.” and I’m not one of them.

“If that is what you want, then fine.” I shouldn't visit this Sekai again, I don’t want to meet people I might know. Ena doesn’t need to see me. I need to leave, I just realized I was still gripping my phone this entire time. 

“Before you leave, could I ask you something?” Rin asked.

“What is it?”

“Are you really her... actually, never mind.” if I was healthier, I’d just ask her what the question was, but I’m too tired. So many things happened within an hour.

I looked at my phone and I looked at the song that allowed me to visit here.

Ena these songs you-

My thoughts were cut off as I was back in the hospital again. It was still dark and I started to hear birds chirping. I’m really here. I’m back in the real world.

All of that, after all of that, I felt insane. Maybe I am insane. I doubt anyone on my team would believe me. Our Virtual Singers saying all those things to me? Even the other Miku said that shouldn’t be possible. My entire world is changing, for better or for worse, I don’t know. I just want to sleep, at least that way I won’t have to feel anything. 

I took a bottle of water Akiyama put on the small table next to me and I drank all of it. I pushed my body too far, I ran too much. I looked at my phone and Ready Steady was still there. I wanted to play it and go back to my Sekai, but I’m too afraid. I just crashed onto the bed and my eyes instantly shut down.

When I woke up it was already 10:30, it was a weird feeling not getting up early on a weekday for school. I checked my throat, it was still sore, probably delayed the healing cuz of the Sekai incident. I touched my forehead to check my temperature; it was still warm. Much better than yesterday at least, still slightly dizzy. My muscles are still the same, no doubt from all that running. 

I texted Ena to bring over my cough drops I bought a few days ago, I hope she doesn’t come over too soon. A nurse came soon after to check up on me and brought me breakfast. The same old gruel, ugh, I would almost rather eat a carrot than this. I can’t wait to be discharged tomorrow so I can eat something normal. After that they did all the annoying stuff; like paperwork and check up. It took so long, I waited like 4 hours to finish.

I was finally back to my room. My empty, lonely room. 

I wonder if dad even knows I’m here. Probably not, he’s always off somewhere most of the time doing who knows what. I wonder who else knows I’m here, probably Ken, Tsukasa, and Kamishiro. And that’s probably it. Wow, my social life is pathetic outside of VBS. Well, maybe Kotaro knows. I wonder if they asked him to be a sub tomorrow.

“Yo Shinonome-kun.” I froze at whose voice that belonged to. Why is he here? Why is Arata here? How did he know where I am?

“I never thought you’d be here of all people.” that smile of his, I hate it. “How and why are you here?”

“My, I’m not here to fight. I’m genuinely here to visit. I heard you were very sick from someone I know and I thought I should visit one of my rivals.” I doubt that. I highly doubt that! There’s no way you’d think of me as a rival! I’m just a fucking ant and you’re the anteater.

“I heard your group is in trouble and I thought I could help out.” I stayed silent. “I thought I could sub for you tomorrow for the duet match.”

“What’s the catch? There’s no way someone as talented as you is willing to do this for free.”

“My you’re sharper than the stories say. Nothing complex, I too have a match but I need three other members on Sunday. I let my anger do the talking for me the other night and now I can’t back out. It really is a strange coincidence that this happened, it’s like fate destined this to happen. I thought I could scratch your back and you scratch mine. I’m a fast learner, I could be ready by tomorrow night easily. I’m even willing to coach them until our match on Sunday. If you get better you’re more than welcome to join also. Here’s a little get well gift, it’s lemon-honey hot tea. Here is my number, call me if you’re interested. Do get better soon, bye.” He left the hot tea on the table next to me and handed me a piece of paper with his number written and left quickly.

Damn it.

Damn it!

I thought about asking him, but I never thought it’d actually happen! Let alone the visit! I want to refuse it, but if I do he might make some dumb rumor about us! Or maybe he won’t! I don’t know! I don’t know him that well so what the hell am I thinking?! Shit. 

What the hell am I supposed to do? Refuse him? This is a miracle that someone like him is offering to help us! And all he wants is that we do the same for him! He could make them all sing better. Talent should be with talent. I don’t deserve to be with them. But if I do accept the offer, that means I’d never catch up to them.

“How pathetic. You’re offered a free get out of jail ticket with no catch and you’re hesitating. All you have to do is sit around and tell your friends to accept the offer, with him, it’ll be an easy way to reach your goal. But go ahead and hesitate and forfeit like the coward you are.”

“Isn’t it selfish of you to refuse? Your friends could improve so much with his help. A once in a lifetime opportunity to watch your friends grow. One step closer to beating RAD WEEKEND. But go ahead and break their dreams, make their lives harder.”

I…

I took out my phone and texted Toya.

“hey toya i found a sub for tomorrow.”

I’m doing the right thing…

This is for the best...

Chapter Text

This is the only way.

I’m not that useful anyways. 

As much as it hurts me to ask for his help, he’s the best option we have right now. I gave him the message, now all I have to do is wait.

I need to eat something. I was about to get up until I remembered I had some cheesecake. This’ll be my lunch for now I guess. I removed the cake from the bag and took out the fork. I glanced at the drink Arata gave me. 

I can’t tell if he genuinely meant everything he said. He’s like what, 19, 20? That means he probably skipped class or something. Wait, does he even go to college? Ugh, here I am trying to figure out people again. That’s all I do. He gave me it so I might as well drink it. It’d be a waste if I didn’t.

I took a sip and it was delicious. Neither the honey or lemon were overpowering, it was nice and warm, it wasn’t too strong. I wish I knew where he got it from so I could get this again. Maybe because it was him that they made it extra good. Heh, my so-called rival is helping me. Am I that pitiable? 

I just took a bite of the cheesecake. It doesn’t taste as good as it would anymore since it wasn’t refrigerated. I should’ve ate it when I woke up earlier. Still, my friends got it for me, I have to eat it. If I don’t, then I’m just an ungrateful sack of shit leeching off of their talents.

The more I ate it, the more I thought about last night.

So my feelings are allowing me to enter another Sekai. Then does that mean I have another dream? Is it permanent? I said I shouldn’t visit that empty, lonely Sekai, but what if I have to? My Sekai seems to be rejecting me. I could ask Toya to see if everyone there is alright. But if I did, then he might reject Arata’s offer. He might be more worried about me than our dreams. The same is true with An and Kohane. Maybe they’re back to normal and forgot. Maybe it was just evil clones or something.

Their personalities were shaped after the four of us. But does that mean they secretly hated me also? Or maybe they all hated me and they were just dealing with me? Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.

Heh, if only I put this much thought into my grades, then maybe I wouldn’t disappoint Toya or Kohane. I should be able to work this weekend. I’m already missing out on one thing, no point in disappointing my boss also.

Just gotta bear with it today and I could go home tomorrow, probably can’t go to school. Aw shit, that means I’m gonna miss three days of notes and homework. Just my luck, I screw up one thing that ends up screwing up another. I don’t wanna do homework, can’t I just take home tests or something?

I heard the door open again and I turned my face to see who it was.

It was Ena. She’s here early, I was expecting her to visit me a lot later.

Sorry for worrying you.

“Hey Akito, how’re you feeling?” she handed me my cough drops from her purse and I put one in my mouth. It felt refreshing.

“Like shit, but better than yesterday.” 

“That’s good to hear. Did you take your medicine?” she gave me a warm smile. I wondered how many times she faked a smile to me. Looking at her hurts. That Sekai of her’s…

“Earlier I did yeah. My throat and muscles are still sore and I still have a small fever.” I looked at her eyes and they weren’t as red as they were yesterday. Something within me is telling me something is bothering her and it’s not me, but I doubt she’ll tell me anything. She has her secrets.

“That’s progress at least, you’re healing up. You have no idea how scared I was when Mizuki called me.”

“You were probably sleeping when that happened.”

“Hehe, guilty. I was about to yell at them for waking me up, but when I heard their terrified voice, I jolted out of bed. I thought you were hit by a car or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry for making you worry. You were probably waiting here for hours, sorry about that also. I don’t know how I got out of bed and walked that far.”

“You’re my brother, you’re just as stubborn as I am. I just wish I was awake to stop you from going. Sorry.” stop it. Don’t apologize to me. It hurts when you apologize to me. 

“The hell are you apologizing for? You had a long night doing your business. Ain’t your fault at all. Besides, I’m the one bothering you, you got out of bed earlier than usual and you’re wasting your time on me.”

“Shut up! Checking up on my brother is not a waste of time, say shit like that again and I’ll be angry!” Ena…

I wonder if that’s true. How much of that is true?

“You know I’m too stubborn to die and I could just call you from here. You could be drawing with your night friends or something.”

“What the hell kind of sister do you take me for? I know I’m not the nicest one out there, but I’m sorry for caring?” her eyes squinted, she was not in a great mood.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Well I’m having an artist block, visiting you could inspire me.” 

“I’m so happy my weakened state while wearing a patient gown could give you inspiration. Be sure to credit me once you make it to the top.” I jokingly said, maybe I could cheer her up.

“Sure, I’ll be sure to credit a dumb carrot boy. Happy?”

“Thank you so much, I feel like I could die a legend now! A carrot’s last dying words on a hospital bed, wanting to be eaten by a rabbit.” I sarcastically spat out.

“You’re welcome.” she returned a small smile. 

“I’ll be finally out of this prison tomorrow morning if you didn’t know. Back to my regularly scheduled program of being your errand boy.”

“Not for another few days unfortunately. You still have to rest up otherwise you might get sick again and I don’t need another heart attack.”

“Oh geez, I should be sick more often so I could be free from your lazy ass.”

That weak smile she had faded.

“Hey Akito, are you sure you’re feeling better?” she looked at me as if I was gonna die.

“What’s with this all of a sudden?”

“Answer the question.” she said, without raising her voice. It’s as if she was lecturing a puppy.

“I already said yeah.”

“Not with your sickness. It’s just lately whenever you come home, you just feel more and more tired. You drag your feet when walking, your back isn’t as straight as it usually is, not to mention you’ve been coming home late. Akito, I don’t know what you’re feeling if you don’t tell me. I know I’m not a good big sister, but I can try to help if you need it.”

Fuck.

Why Ena? Why did you have to say it? You know I hate talking about myself. I’m still processing what happened in the morning. I’m apparently a special case with access to two Sekai, what does that mean to me in the long run? Does that mean I’ll lose access to mine? If that happens, what’ll happen to me, will I lose my memories?

Not to mention I’m still thinking about you being in that Sekai of yours. I’m more concerned about you than I am about myself right now. You always said you wanted to be an artist, but that world, that Sekai. It was so empty of color, nothing but white, black, and gray. If I asked you about your Sekai and said ‘Are you afraid of losing your passion for art?’ what would you say to me? I doubt you’ll respond positively. That’s how I’m probably going to respond if you keep on asking me what I’m feeling. I’m feeling too many things lately. I’m feeling too many things to know what to feel.

Speaking of feelings, your Sekai’s Virtual Singers. How did your feelings influence them? They’re all so… empty? Besides Luka they’re all so cold.

“Ena, yesterday I said I didn’t feel comfortable talking to you about it.” 

“I know and I want to respect that, but I feel like I’ve been letting this go on for too long now. Is that what you really feel? Why can’t you tell me? Am I that worthless to you that I can’t help you? Is your sister that incompetent? I’ve seen you act like this for weeks now, so what is so important to you that you can’t tell me?” she raised her voice a little, I could tell she’s getting impatient.

“Because it’s a problem only I can know.”

“What the hell does that mean? Do you love being miserable?! Because I don’t! Every time I see your ass at home you look miserable or scared! Your eyes look empty! Your eyes look like you’ve been possessed by a ghost! You’ve been avoiding eye contact with me every time I talk to you! You look like you’re suffering on the inside just like someone I know! It hurts me to see you like this! You help me whenever I need it so why can’t I help you?!” 

Ena please… stop talking…

“Why aren’t you saying anything Akito?”

Please shut up…! I feel like I’m being squeezed like a bottle of ketchup. My grip on the blankets tightened. I feel like another headache is coming.

“Say something please!” tears were starting to form in her eyes.

“Of course I don’t like being miserable!” I snapped out loud, I felt like dad and I hated that feeling. I hate it whenever someone yells at her. I want to quiet down but I couldn’t. Too much happening in too little time. The more I spoke, the more I wanted to choke myself. The words that leave my mouth are by pure instinct, there’s no thought behind them.

“Then tell me a part of it then, I can at least try to understand it instead of ignoring it. At least tell me what you feel.”

“But I'm overwhelmed by everything! School, music, people, you, and myself! EVERYTHING! I don’t know what to feel right now! I don’t know what to feel about each situation! Should I feel worried about school? Or should I be happy about failing again!? Or maybe I should be feeling sorry for myself!? Or maybe I should feel angry at you because every time I look at you I feel like complete, absolute shit?! You’re part of the problem! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND GET OFF MY ASS!” I instantly regretted saying those last words. This is why I hate talking about myself. It’s why nobody should know what I’m feeling. It’s why I should be alone and left to my own business.

“Ena! I’m-” I felt something on my cheeks, it burnt. I knew what happened, and I deserved it. I saw her hand collide with my cheek. 

I hurt her.

I hurt my only sister.

“So this is the thanks I get for trying to help you. I’m fucking sorry that I care about you. Fine, I’ll leave you alone since my face pisses you off. Sometimes I wish you weren’t my brother! Times like these are when I wish I was an only child! That way I don’t have to waste my time on a piece of shit like you! I could spend my time doing something more important instead of being with you!” she ran out the door, I could tell she was holding back tears. Her voice was weak and shaky.

I just stared at the door, waiting to see if she’ll come back. I knew it was pointless, but I kept on staring. It got quiet really fast. One moment we were having our normal conversation and next thing I know I said some things I never normally would’ve said.

“Hurting others is the only thing you’re good at.”

“Do you find it enjoyable to hurt people that are trying to help you?”

I do wonder if we really are siblings. She has brown hair like dad, but I have orange hair though. Maybe if I was never born, Ena’s life would’ve been better. Maybe if I was never born, dad would’ve supported Ena. Maybe if I wasn’t born, mom wouldn’t have left. I feel like ever since I was born, I somehow drained the art talent away from her. Heh, maybe that’s why she bosses me around, cuz I was a mistake, cuz I’m a parasite.

I’m always holding others back.

I can’t do anything right for once in my life.

I just shut my eyes waiting for a phone call or if Toya would visit, I didn’t care which he did. The sooner he accepts the offer, the sooner I can sleep. Day’s only half done and I feel like I fought through an army of bears with my bare hands. 

I’d listen to music but I don’t have my headphones. I’d play some games on my phone, but I don’t have any downloaded. I’d scroll through my photo list but I don’t have anything important or worth looking at.

My life is so empty without music.

It’s just like football.

I don’t know what to do to pass the time. I don’t go on social media that often and I don’t have many friends. I’m such a pathetic human being. 

I heard the door open. Was it Toya?

“Hey Akito-kun! I heard you were sick, how’re you feeling?” no, that voice was too expressive to be Toya’s.

“Momoi-san! Why are you here?” I put on my pathetic fake attitude.

“Here to visit you, what else? I don’t have a get well gift, I just found out a few hours ago. If I had known earlier I would’ve gotten you something, sorry.” she smiled, an idol’s smile has a different aura than a normal person’s, it was bright.

“Please don’t worry about the gift, I never cared for those, but don’t you have idol practice with the others? School just ended.” she sat down on a chair next to me.

“I asked to start late. Besides, you're like a little brother to me too, so why wouldn’t I visit?” I’m a shitty brother, I don’t deserve to be liked, so please stop lying.

“I mean being an idol is hard, you gotta be training every chance you get. You should be live streaming instead of talking to someone like me.”

“Same old Akito-kun, working way too hard. Even I know when to take a break, just ignore Minori’s comments about me.” ah right, that Hanasato girl. She told me stories about your strict training the other day when we met.

“I’m taking a break now too aren’t I? I’m resting.”

“Being sick does not count as resting, you know what I meant.” she closed her eyes, with a weak smile and chuckle. “You’re getting discharged tomorrow right?”

“Yes, in the morning. I already lost a lot of time from school and practice. I’m afraid I’ll be left behind at this rate.”

“You missed two days so far right? That’s a lot of notes and homework you missed. Sorry to hear that.”

“I’ll somehow manage, I think. Worst case I’ll just take supplementary classes. If not, I’ll just spend the rest of the week studying.” I’ll try to study is what I really meant to say. I don’t know how you could manage idol training, school, and free time. 

“You mean you’ll try to study? I heard stories from Ena and Mizuki. Don’t worry, I won’t tease you for that, I already have Minori for that.” oh man, I don’t wanna see how strict you are with studying. I feel for you Hanasato. 

“I don’t know how you manage to keep up your grades. Makes me wish I was like you.”

“It’s just a habit you have to get used to.” she gave another smile but it was gone just as quickly. “You know Akito-kun, you don’t have to act in front of me.”

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve known you for years and I’ve been on tv many times, I of all people should know what putting on a mask is like. No point in denying it too.” heh, of course. It was stupid of me to keep it up.

“Momoi-san, there’s no fooling you.”

“It’s fine to call me by my first name at this point you know. Everyone calls me by my first name. I find it more odd to be called Momoi to be honest, besides, you probably have something on your mind.”

“How do you know? Oh wait, being on tv, right.” I instantly corrected myself.

She didn’t respond, which threw me off.

It got silent all of a sudden and it became awkward

“Aren’t you going to ask me what’s on my mind?”

“Why would I? If you wanted to tell me you would’ve by now. You probably need  time to yourself or maybe you don’t find it comforting if you told me.” time to myself… 

“If only Ena was that understanding…” I whispered out loud. By the time I noticed, she spoke.

“Let me guess, Ena tried to make you open up?”

“What’re your grades? Because you are frighteningly good at this.”

“B+ at lowest.” she put her hand to her sides and made a prideful laugh. “You two really are two peas in a pod. Like sister, like brother, stubborn until the very end. Ena’s stubborn enough to not to give you space and you’re stubborn enough not to answer.” she gave a small smile, as if she was remembering the old times. “That Ena, just like back then with her problems she didn’t answer me, but when it comes to others, she’ll be up in your face. That stupid hypocrite.”

“I’m sorry Airi-san.” I looked down. I’m ashamed of what I said to Ena. I want to go back and throw myself out the window for saying those harsh words. 

“For what?”

“I broke that promise we made years ago. I hurt Ena, she came here before you arrived and she tried to make me talk, but I snapped at her and said some things I didn’t mean. Very mean things.”

“Akito-kun, don't apologize, you’ve done nothing. You’re still keeping that promise. Everybody snaps when under too much pressure and say things they don’t mean. Even I did that to Shizuku not long ago, before we formed More More Jump!. Akito-kun, you're a great brother, you probably don’t think that, but that’s the truth. I would never lie to you. It’s why I trusted you with that promise.” I want to accept those kind words, but something inside me is telling me not to accept them.

“I do see both sides though, so that doesn’t mean the fault is all on Ena. She doesn’t know what you’re thinking and you don’t know what she’s thinking. You’re always there to hear her complaints right? Ena probably thought it was her turn to hear your complaints since you don’t complain much.” I wish I was your neighbor or something or you went to my school, that way I could talk to you about some worries I have. Then again, I’m probably only talking like this because I rarely talk to you. I don’t even talk to Toya about stuff like this, not even Ken even though he’s the only parental figure I have.

That makes me feel a little better about Ena, but that’s just a single drop in the bucket compared to everything. I look at her and I wonder if she has a Sekai. If she does, I wonder if she shares it with Ena. If they do, I doubt they have a situation like mine. 

“That does make me feel a little better.” I wish I could tell you everything, but I’d sound like a crazy person if you don’t have a Sekai. I don’t know who to talk to without risking sounding like a crazy person that needs to be in a medical facility. I can’t talk to my team or Ena since they’re part of the problems.

“Um…” I was hesitant to ask another question.

“What is it?”

I wanted to ask her about what it was like to fail constantly at what you want, but I felt like that was too insensitive. She left her old idol group for a reason, not to mention I only talk to her when Ena invites her. I could be bringing up bad memories if I asked her that. I don’t know her personally, I don’t know her enough to ask a question like that. I’d feel like a pretentious prick if I asked her that. I hate this feeling of wanting to ask someone about a personal, sensitive question but too afraid that you’ll hurt em.

“If it’s not too much trouble, could you try to cheer up Ena if she’s still angry at me by the end of next week? I doubt she wants to see me for a couple of days.”

“I was planning on doing that myself anyways. Besides, I need her opinion on clothes anyways.” she gave a wide smile that confirmed her actions. “Speaking of the end of next week, what are you planning to do other than “study” for tests.”

“Nothing really, same old same old. Why? Is there something important next week?” I simply and boringly answered, ignoring her teasing, I do study. Just not as much as Toya or Kohane.

“I see. That’s a shame.” she whispered, I could barely hear her. I don’t think she heard me, she looked distracted.

“Something wrong?” I asked, concerned if I did something wrong.

“Nope, just talking to myself. Anything else you want to share with me? I’m afraid I have to leave soon.” she took out her phone, probably to quickly text her friends or to check the time.

I shook my head.

“I don’t think the problems I have can be shared. I doubt anyone could look at me the same way if I told them.”

She put on a sad smile while looking down. I don’t know what she’ll say and I doubt she could answer it. 

“I don’t know what problem you have, it sounds complex. I wish I was smart or experienced enough to help, it sounds like an adult problem if you ask me, but you’re stubborn enough to handle it. If you weren't, how else would you survive being Ena’s brother?” I gave a single small chuckle. 

“Pure luck all this time?”

“I doubt luck played a part.” she got up from her chair. “Sorry, I’d love to stay and chat but I have to go now. Until next time!” and just like that I was alone again in this room.

“Thanks for visiting.”

Stubborn enough to handle everything that’s been happening to me over the weeks? I wish I could believe your words. I don’t know if I could handle any more stress. I don’t know how long I could stay sane.

“Hey Akito, here’s the notes you missed. Be sure to do the homework, and I’m glad to see you’re recovering.” yeah I know. I’m a disappointment when it comes to school stuff, I know, no need to rub it in my face Toya. I already do that myself.

“Thanks, guess I should go to school in the morning then, don’t want to miss out on more boring crap.”

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but you should stay home after you’re discharged. You’re still sick and being in school might make the symptoms worse.” wow, that is surprising to hear from you of all people. I wish I had recorded that.

“Wow, thanks mom.” I sarcastically said.

“So Akito, about that text from earlier.” 

“I know, I know. You’re probably thinking it’s a bad idea. I don’t need An to tell me that either.”

“Yet why are you suggesting it?” great, another serious conversation. I might as well expect the end of the world at this point.

“Because who else do we have? What other options are left? Tell me, have you found any other subs willing to join us at the last minute? How many people are willing to join a battle with us in less than a day’s time?” I looked him dead in the eye with the most serious look I’ve given to him yet. He knows I’m a stubborn bastard, arguing with me won’t get us anywhere at this point.

“No, but this is Arata we’re talking about. He humiliated you, remember?”

“Toya, there’s no way in hell I could ever forget that. I think about that time very often. And I know it’s Arata but it could be good for us. He’s popular and well liked, he could make our team better.” if I could just convince him, then An and Kohane would most likely follow.

“I don’t trust him at all, it feels too coincidental that he knew you were sick and knew where you were.”

“Yeah, I get that feeling too, but the dude probably has connections. He’s talented and he goes solo, probably made friends all over town. Not to mention even I have some popularity around this area. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in our school saw me pass out and talked about it in the streets. Word travels fast here.” by popularity, I mean pure, utter humiliation. I got my ass handed to me twice by him, I heard he deliberately went to the place I was going to sing at  to specifically challenge me. I wasn’t expecting a battle against him earlier that day, if I’d known, I would’ve practiced every day, every night until I passed out. I want to choke the shit out of him for doing that, for making fun of me, for making fun of my only dream. My blood boils every time I think of that day.

“I doubt you’re going to be changing your mind soon. Of all people, I got the most stubborn one in the entire world.” he closed his eyes and slightly shook his head. I can’t tell if he’s giving me a compliment or insulting me. Most likely insulting me. Everyone insults me. “I have a couple of conditions for him if we’re going to have him as a sub.”

“This is a rare sight, not everyday I see you like this. What’re they?” 

“One, he has to meet us by exactly six tonight, on the dot. If he’s here by even a millisecond late, he’s out and we’re backing out of the battle. Two, we choose what songs we’re going to be singing tomorrow and Sunday and when and where we’re meeting. There’s no way I’m allowing him to control us, he’s not part of our team and there’s no way I’m ever going to allow him to think he’s one of us. Three, if he’s going to practice and help us, he is not allowed out of our sights while with us. I don’t like his attitude at all, especially since he targeted you the most. If there’s anything any of us don’t like about his way of training, either he’s out or we’re backing out on Sunday, our reputation be damned. Four, if he picks a fight with any of us, or insults any one of us, I swear, I am going to bash his teeth in. Five, I’m the one that’s going to contact him and he’s going to answer to me.” I saw his eyes widen, his breathing got faster, this is one of the most expressive times I’ve seen him. I never seen him this angry, not even when talking about his own dad in the past. 

“Toya, are you ok? This isn’t like you.” he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. His eyebrows returned to their normal position.

“I wish I was ok but I’m not, because you’re not ok. I was excited for us to sing tomorrow, but by some awful luck you had to be hospitalized. I’m going to be singing with someone not in our team, someone that insulted you, my own partner. Only reason why I’m doing this is because you asked me to. If it were anyone else, I would’ve turned them down. I know how much you care about our group and our dreams, that’s why I’m agreeing to this idea as much as I don’t like it.”

“Toya, if you really don’t want to do it, then don’t. You're making it sound like I’m forcing you or guilt tripping you.” now I’m regretting suggesting this idea. Why am I so stubborn!? I could’ve just said no! 

“Akito, I’m not, don’t worry. And I’m sure it hurts you to ask me to do something like this.” what does that mean exactly? Are you saying that it hurts my pride to accept that bastard’s help or that I’m going to be left behind? I tried to speak what’s on my mind, but my mouth wouldn’t open. OPEN DAMMIT! I need to know what he meant by that! This’ll be on my mind if I don’t get an answer!

“I’ll be on my way now. Rest up Akito, just because you don’t feel the symptoms doesn’t mean you’re completely recovered. It’ll take another couple of days for you to be completely fine. Later, and be sure to sleep early and take your medication on time.” he grabbed the piece of paper with Arata’s note and was quickly out. Why didn’t I say what I wanted to? Why couldn’t I say it?

I always avoid saying what I want to say, what I’m feeling. I absolutely hate that part of me. At least… At least Toya agreed to my plan without much resistance.

All I did to distract myself was to look at the notes he gave me. I had nothing else to do. Of course, with my peanut brain I could barely understand everything. I did manage to do a bit of the homework. So that’s some free time I gave myself. Within a few hours, I tapped out. I felt like I burned a hole through my brain. I’m never this attentive to schoolwork. Heh, if I never watched RAD WEEKEND that summer, maybe I’d be a smart student. Tch, yeah right, never in a million years. When I looked out the window, I noticed it was night time. 

I wondered how practice is going with them. Probably better without my annoying voice to pick fights with An. I wondered how Tsukasa’s sister managed to stay sane being stuck in a bed like this for years. Well, unlike me Tsukasa is a great sibling, so that’s probably why. That’s probably one reason why Toya looks up to him so much. I’m jealous.

I closed my eyes, I wish everything could be peaceful. The pillows were firm, the way I liked em, I liked my head being supported. I never understood why people liked those super soft pillows and beds.

That night I slept normally for once, I felt normal. I wish I could feel like this forever. I wonder what song Toya is going to be singing. We sang a lot together, both in the Sekai and outside. It hurt me that someone else was going to be singing with my partner, especially him, but it didn’t hurt as much when I disappointed them, when I disappointed myself.

I woke up by sunrise and I got ready to leave. Unlike Ena, I could wake up just fine in the early mornings. I felt normal but like Toya said, I should take it easy today. If I get sick anymore, I’ll never forgive myself.

I walked outside, ready to get some over the counter medicine. Last I checked we didn’t have any at home and I doubt Ena was in the mood to get some yesterday. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m such a stupid brother. 

To get my mind off I checked my voice to see if I could join the others for Arata’s practice. I did several vocal warm ups while walking and by the time I was finished, my chest was exhausted and I was coughing for a bit. I guess that infection was still there, dammit. Guess I’m going to be stuck at home looking at stupid school stuff for the day. At least I got a few things done, that’s some accomplishment I made for once.

When I arrived at Scramble Crossing, I noticed someone on the floor. It was still early morning, so there was no one else around for now. The sun rising hit her figure as if there was some sort of message telling me to look at her.

“Um, Miss, are you ok?” she looked familiar. She had a blue sweater and long white hair. Ah! I instantly remembered, she’s Ena and Asahina’s friend! I rushed over to her and checked her pulse. It was beating normally, so I checked her temperature, also normal. If I was smart like a medical student, I could probably do a better job, but I’m too stupid to know. “Yoisaki-san! Are you okay?! Do you need an ambulance!?”

“..d” she weakly said.

“What do you need? I can’t hear you!” 

“.ood.” uh what?

“Sorry, I still don’t understand. Could you repeat that once more?”

“Need food. Energy. Low…” she weakly said, it probably took all of her strength to properly say that.

I looked at her with a face that I never gave before in my life. I don’t know how to describe it. Best I can say is that it was a mix of shock, humor, disappointment, relief, confusion, and a deadpanned look. I probably look so dumb. Did… did she just forget to eat? 

Ena, you have some of the most interesting friends I have ever met. Akiyama being the mischievous annoyance and now this girl that somehow forgets to eat. Is Asahina the only normal friend you have other than Momoi, er, Airi?

Good thing I go out a lot, there’s a restaurant that has good pancakes that opens this early. Thankfully it’s relatively quiet around this time compared to the afternoon.

“Um, please get up. I could get you something to eat. Ena would never forgive me if I left you alone like this.”

“Carry me.” what.

“Um, I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” I really wish that was my ears playing tricks on me. I don’t want to carry one of Ena’s friends on my back. She’d probably say something like I’m hitting on her friends.

“Carry… meeee….” that indescribable face I had before came back. How… How do I respond to that? But it seems like she really is desperate. I wish Asahina was here, she’s probably used to this. 

Reluctantly, I picked her up and put her on my back. It was awkward since I had put my bag in front of my chest. This is so embarrassing, I never thought I’d ever do this in my life. If Akiyama was here, I’d be laughed at like no tomorrow. Fortunately the restaurant was close by and most people were too busy getting to work at this early hour, so nobody probably cared enough to judge me. 

I hope.

When I entered the store, I got some weird stares from the staff as I expected. I swallowed my embarrassment and asked for two strawberry pancakes and two cups of coffee. I swear I’m not a weirdo! 

The staff pulled up a chair and I gently put her down.

Immediately her face smacked the table.

Just… I have no idea how to react to this situation.

I just poured her a cup of water for now and she weakly and slowly drank it. I don’t think she even notices I’m here. Is this going to be a normal occurrence everytime I meet her? 

Thankfully the pancakes and coffee arrived pretty quickly since we were the only customers here.

“Um there’s food in front of you.” please don’t make me feed you. I’m going to punch myself in the face if that’s going to happen. “Please eat, there’s coffee also if you’re tired.”

She weakly got up and cut off a small piece. Oh thank goodness I don’t have to feed her. She then cut off and ate a large piece.

“Hey slow down! I don’t want you choking! Ena will literally scratch my face off if you were to choke!” she didn’t listen as she continued eating and drinking. Usually a normal person would pound their chest because they ate too fast, but not her. She devoured that pancake within minutes, as if she was starved for days. I have never seen anyone eat that fast.

“I’m alive.” she simply said with her gentle voice.

“Are you ok now?” I finally started eating my breakfast, but it tasted bad. That’s strange cuz the pancakes here always tasted good. Maybe my taste buds are just changing…

“Ah! How’d I get here? Last thing I remember is that I was at Scramble Crossing.” she looked around the place, confused.

“Um, you passed out saying you needed food. So I brought you here.”

“Ah, that's what happened. Ah wait! You’re Ena’s little brother!” she finally recognized me. I can’t tell if I’m that forgettable to her or if she was that distracted by hunger.

“That’s me. I’m glad to see you’re back to normal. I don’t want to seem rude, but when was the last time you ate?” I put on my good boy persona. I’m so sick of it though.

“I think it was two days ago?”

“I beg your pardon? Did you say two days ago?” I blinked rapidly as if I heard I was on another planet.

“Yeah, I forgot to eat, I was too busy working and I ran out of cup ramen.” this girl… I’d say something but I almost did the same thing.

“Were you out to buy some?” I finished my serving of pancakes, while sipping on my coffee. They both tasted bland, like they were full of chemicals that killed the flavors.

“No, I was out to visit my dad in the hospital.” I was not expecting to hear something like that. 

“Oh. I feel like I shouldn’t be hearing this. I hope your father gets better.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re Ena’s brother, I don’t mind telling you stuff like that.” ah right, I’m just her brother, that’s it.

“Still, I feel like that should be told toward people you personally know more. I don’t know much about you and I doubt Ena said any nice things about me. I’m basically a stranger to you.”

“No that’s not true, Ena says many good things about you from time to time.”

“Apologies, I don’t want to call you a liar, but my sister can be very troublesome at times, especially towards me.” I hate talking so formally, but this is the persona I put on every time I meet someone that’s not VBS or Ken. If people knew how I usually act, they’d all hate me.

“Ena, despite her usual attitude, depends on you a lot. I talk to her often, but I’m not there to support her all the time. You’re there for her when I can’t and vice-versa. I’m glad that you’re her brother, otherwise I don’t think I could keep my friendship with her. I owe you a lot.” then Ena didn’t tell you what I said yesterday. If you-no, when you find out, you’ll take back saying those words.

“Those are kind words, kind words that are wasted on me. Thank you though, for  taking care of Ena also. I doubt she’d be the same if she never met you. She’s much happier with her art ever since she met you.” you saved Ena more than I ever could. I stole her art talent, I’m the reason why she’s so frustrated with herself. I’m the reason why dad belittles her. I wish there was some way I could give it to her. What a cruel fate we have though, we each have the talent the other wants.

“Do you need help with anything before I leave?” I owe her a lot, she helped Ena more than I ever could. 

“I’m fine now, you’ve done more than enough for me today. Do you need help with anything though?” she gently asked, she had a cute little smile. You’re probably popular, that kind of smile could make you an idol. Although in this world I doubt you could since it doesn’t look like you have stamina.

“I’m… I’m alright, thank you though.” I gently smiled back, but I lied. I paid for the food and left.

It was still early, this is around the time I would start waking up. Or for Ena’s case, sometimes the time she would sleep.

I deeply sighed, thinking that it’ll be extremely hard for things to get back to normal. I walked towards a pharmacy to get some medicine. I wish convenient stores had pharmacies inside, then that’d be super convenient. I got what I needed and left rapidly.

I wonder if Yoisaki has a Sekai. She’s close friends with Ena, maybe that empty one is theirs. If it is, what’s her story, could it be her dad? Maybe it’s something else, like a computer Sekai or a concert Sekai. I thought I was special when I first found out I had a Sekai, but realizing that there are others, I realized I’m just another rock on the sidewalk.

By the time I got home, it was usually the time I’d leave. Man, this is so weird, entering my house this early in the morning. 

“Hi everyone, I’m home.” I weakly said. Nobody in the family said that ever. We just entered and that’s it. What a lonely experience we have. I slowly and painfully walked up the stairs. I hate these stairs, they’ve been giving me trouble, am I afraid of stairs or something now? What is wrong with me…

I entered my room and just plopped down in my bed. 

"I missed you bed, you’d never leave me behind right?"

Great, I’m so lonely I’m thinking about a bed.

Can’t I just sleep for the entire weekend? Why can’t I just be a robot that could just turn off, that’d be so convenient to have.

For once I started doing some schoolwork at home instead of immediately going on the internet. I could barely finish them, I’d just get distracted by the music on my phone, finding the perfect schoolwork music is hard.

I needed a break, my brain is too stupid to handle this much schoolwork. I got up and stared at Ena’s door. I checked the time and I wondered if I should knock, it is when she’d start to wake up if I didn’t wake her. I hesitantly knocked.

“Hey Ena?” I weakly said, a part of me wanted me to allow her to sleep more.

No answer.

I knocked slowly again.

“You awake?” 

No answer again.

I turned the knob, it wasn’t locked so that means she’s home or she forgot. When I peeked inside, there was nobody there. The room was empty. 

She’s either in her Sekai or she’s sleeping at a friend’s house. Maybe she’s out shopping or eating pancakes.

I called her number and all I heard was the ringing. 

She didn’t pick up.

I called again.

I heard nothing but the ringing. I swallowed the spit in my throat, it hurt to be ignored by her.

I’m not surprised, that’s to be expected since I’m such a wreck.

I texted her, but an error message popped up.

She blocked me.

I have no family to talk to.

I really am alone. 

Not like it mattered, I don’t talk about my feelings to Ena anyways and dad doesn’t give a shit. Ena never called me except for errands. Being blocked by her doesn’t change anything. I was always alone and I will always be alone.

I will always be alone…

My stomach started to hurt so I rushed towards the restroom.

I vomited a little bit of acid on the sink, it burnt my throat. I hated the taste, it was like sour strawberries. I guess I’m still sick since I never vomited after eating pancakes. Good thing I stayed home. Both my hands were on the sink and I looked at myself in the mirror. Ena said my eyes were weird.

All I saw was nothing.

In my eyes, all I saw was a blank. They were dark and droopy and weak. My eyes look like they’ve seen war and hell. They used to be more cheerful, but why would I be cheerful with everything going on with me recently?

I tried to make a genuine smile but my eyes didn’t follow. It hurt to smile, it hurt to laugh recently.

I wish I could call the Virtual Singers, that way I could have someone to talk to. Then again, if they really did care about me they’d call me but they didn’t. I could visit my Sekai, to see if it changed. That wouldn’t hurt would it? 

I took out my phone and played Ready Steady.

This time I was transported without delay. When I blinked, it looked the same as before; graffiti was gone, the skies looked a little dark. I wasn’t transported near Meiko’s café, I was near the tunnel that led to the secret spot Len and Luka showed me. At least it’s a spot only few people know, that means only Len and Luka should be haunting me if they find me, right?

I dragged my feet towards the tunnel. It felt longer than it was last time I was here. It felt suffocating, since I was coughing a lot. Stupid sickness, causing me nothing but problems. My throat was burning since I was coughing, it was a dry cough so I felt like I was choking every time I let one out. If I held it in, it’d just make my lungs and throat feel worse.

My knees hit the floor as I was gasping for air, I nearly passed out from the pain. Always something wrong happening with me. I can’t even visit a Sekai without making it feel like a trip to the moon. I should’ve brought my cough drops or water at least, I’m such a dumbass. I got up and continued walking, once I’m out I could rest on those chairs. I just gotta power through this cough here, but the closer I got to my destination, the heavier my cough got. I didn’t cough at all when I was in the hospital so why now?

Is this Sekai trying to tell me I don’t belong here? 

Can’t be, if I didn’t belong then the song to enter here would’ve been erased. 

“It’s just cramped here.” I told myself, justifying why I’m in pain. “Once I’m out I can relax and I’ll stop coughing.” as soon as I said that, I coughed hard.

My coughing fit hit hard, to the point my ribs and diaphragm were aching along with my throat and lungs. I kept on coughing and the more I coughed the more I couldn’t breathe. My vision was fading, and I think I tasted acid in my mouth, I couldn’t tell if I threw up. Then all was black.

…

…

When I woke up, my head felt light. I felt like I got into a fist fight and someone punched me in my throat and lungs. How long was I out? I checked my phone and I was only out for about ten minutes. I wanted to leave and go back home, this tunnel didn’t sit well with me, but I didn’t want to quit halfway through. I always somehow have to stop everything halfway through and I’m sick of that happening. I checked if I was missing limbs, and luckily I had everything. 

I pushed my body to get up, let me at least finish walking there at least. I could see the light, I was nearly there. With whatever strength I could, I ran there, ignoring the pain in my lungs. I felt like I was outrunning a tsunami, I never felt this exhausted when I ran.

When I made it out, the light burned me like whenever I open the curtains to wake up Ena. I put my hands over my eyes for a minute. Opening them hurt, it blinded me. And when I finally opened them, the stage I saw last time was different.

The chairs were all over the floor, the tables were broken, the stage looked like a mess. It looked like a tornado broke this place. I ran backstage to see what else changed. All of the fancy equipment was gone, almost all of the mics were destroyed, the walls were falling apart.

What the hell happened here? I was only gone for like a week and it looked like this entire place was abandoned for years. I picked up the only mic that was still clean and working. Len’s gonna be sad once he finds out what happened here, and Luka will be disappointed. When I looked around harder, I saw a door. That wasn’t there before. 

A part of me didn’t want to open it, I was terrified of who or what was behind it. But I knew I had to open it, this Sekai is a part of me, a part of my feelings right? If I open it, maybe I could find some peace of mind. I walked towards it and the doorknob didn’t feel cold. I didn’t feel anything. I closed my eyes and opened it.

Please be something good I chanted.

Please be something good I wished.

When I opened the door, I was back at that empty Sekai, Ena’s Sekai. I looked back at the door and I saw the broken backstage. They were still connected.

Does that mean?

Does that mean I’m on the verge of losing my dreams?

No! I refuse to believe that!

I just got to feel better and continue to get better! 

“Boo!” a voice suddenly jumped at my ears.

“AH SHIT!” who the hell did that!? My heart was about to rip out of my chest! I did not need that feeling! I turned around and it was Luka.

“That was adorable.” this Luka, I swear, she’s more annoying than the twins of my Sekai. At least the twins never did something to intentionally piss me off.

“Don’t you dare do that again.” I muttered angrily. “Wait, is anyone else here?” I panicked, if Ena heard me right now, she’d definitely want to kill me.

“Nope, Ena and the others left several minutes ago. You’re in luck, you now get to entertain me.”

“Sorry no. I don’t have time to deal with your pranks.”

“Did you visit us because you were bored? Maybe you were curious.”

“No, I visited because it was by coincidence.”

“You sure? Because I can call you whenever Ena and the others aren’t around.” I can’t tell if she knew what I was feeling. It was scary if you think about it, meeting someone modeled after your feelings.

“Whatever, do what you want. I have better things to do than to entertain you right now.”

“Booo. You’re the most interesting one to tease.” are you based on Ena’s personality to piss me off?

“I’m so glad my stress gives you pleasure.” 

“A girl needs some fun in this world. Meiko is too serious, Miku and Rin don’t have strong reactions, and the others I have to help. But you? I could help and make fun of you.”

“I’m so happy, I’m so happy that I’m a special case and I could be your personal clown. There’s no way I’m visiting here again.”

“You said that yesterday and here you are.”

“Did you even listen to me? I got here by accident.”

“Did you buttdial here? Or maybe you got here while you were sleeping! Ena did that once! It was hilarious once she woke up.”

I am not surprised Ena did that, she’s always moving around when she’s sleeping. Used to scratch my face when I was like three.

“I used the door here.” I pointed my thumb to my back.

“You know, I’m the one that loves jokes, you and your sister though? You’re both terrible at it.”

Wait, she doesn’t see the door? Does that mean only I can see it? I better not mention it for now.

“Whatever, I tried. I’m leaving.”

“I’ll be sure to call you or have one of the other’s do it. I know you’re super curious about us and Ena.” great, I have more baggage on my phone, why couldn’t Rin or Miku talk to me instead of you?

I look at my phone and I look at the song used to enter here.

Ena, this song… I know how you feel…

And I was back in my house. I looked at the mirror once again.

I still look like shit. 

I left the restroom and went downstairs to get something to eat and I saw a face I didn’t want to see.

“Oh hey Akito, how are you feeling?” dad. Great, just what I needed before I see Toya and the others sing.

“Been better.” I don’t want to start a conversation with him. Every time I look at him, I wanna stab myself because I share the same blood as him. I’m ashamed to be related to him.

“Heard you got sick. Sorry I couldn’t visit, work took up much of my time.” I don’t care.

“It’s fine.”

“Hey Akito.” his voice weakened a little.

“What?” I quickly said.

“You’re not still doing that street music are you?” just shut up. I’d rather get bit by a dog than listen to you.

“What if I am? If you’re gonna say that I’m talentless again, no point. I heard you several times. You’re wasting your breath.”

“Alright. If that’s what you really want. Have you seen Ena?”

“No.” I instantly said, the sooner I’m done talking to him, the sooner I could stop seeing him.

“Alright then.” he sounded a little sad that I’m not conversing with him, but I could not give a shit. I’d rather eat a shitty carrot than care about your feelings. Not like you gave a single shit about us or how we feel. “I’m going to be gone for a while again, so I wanted to ask what you want while I’m away.”

“Nothing.”

“It’s your birthday next week, the least I can do is get you something.”

“My what now?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday? November 12.” I checked my phone real quick and he was right, it was next week, on a Saturday.

I don’t care, I hate my birthday.

I hate it because it’s a day where people pretend to care about me. It’s a day where people think I’m special. A day where people I barely know talk to me and don’t talk to me for the rest of the year. A day where I should be celebrated for being born and then for the rest of the year people don’t give a shit.

“Get me whatever, I don’t care. A simple CD or headphone.” not like you know what I like. What kind of dad are you where you don’t know what to give your own children? Are we even your children at this point?

“Alright son.” I lost my appetite, talking to him drains me. It drains me, weakens me, sickens me to my very core. Every time I see him I question why mom left us. Every time I see him, I’m reminded of all the times he said we were both talentless. I’ll prove him wrong. I’ll prove him wrong that you don’t need talent.

“I’ll be showering.” I walked back up the stairs with a weak stomach.

"This is why your family hates you."

"Can't even make a simple conversation."

I finished taking a quick shower and I stayed in my room for hours finishing up the last of my dumb homework. I probably did a shitty job, but a shitty job done is better than no job done. Toya and Kohane would probably still be disappointed in me though… By the time I finished, I could leave and make it time to see Toya sing. I might be taking it easy but that doesn’t mean I can’t watch and support my team. I know they’re going to be amazing, that Arata punk was with them. Toya didn’t message me at all today, that means the match is still on. I feel sorry for the opponents that have to face them.

I wore something different, a black hoodie and blue jeans with a gray sweater. I didn’t want people to recognize me. That and if my team recognizes me, they’d probably lecture me about how I’m still sick and how I should sit my ass down in bed with hot tea or something. 

I left my house not giving a shit if my dumb old man was still home. Feels weird walking home to Vivid Street this late when there’s a match VBS has. I was never late, so I arrived at least half an hour early, but here I am as part of the crowd. Reminds me of that summer when I saw Ken perform. 

I wonder if he had a Sekai. 

I wondered if everyone I knew had a Sekai. They seem to help people with their dreams or whatever. That means even Arata could have one. 

I sighed, wondering who had one won’t change anything. I’m an idiot for thinking pointless things like that. I need  to stop thinking and need to start focusing. If I don’t focus then that means I can’t stand to be next to my team proud and happy.

When I arrived, it was crowded. Probably because Arata had his own little fan club and influencers. I wish I had his kind of charisma. I saw An and Kohane come up first. I put on my hood, I didn’t want my hair to be noticed. I doubt they’ll find me cuz of all of the lights and people, but it can't hurt to be cautious.

Tell me, how much can one day’s worth of practice from Arata help you two?

I heard the opening of Beat Eater.

Usually it was a solo song, at least for us, but it was interesting that they chose it to sing for the duet. I heard them practice before I got sick and their voices resonated well, they complimented each other well. Not surprised though, they are partners.

To say I was surprised when I heard them sing together was a shock. I don’t know if they practiced like no tomorrow but I never heard them sing like this when I was there. No way… they got really good, no they improved drastically. They were pronouncing the English lyrics better, their breathing got better, it used to last a little longer and I could hear their breaths. But, but now I can only hear it if I only focus on it. 

I don’t want to admit that Arata helped them that much! Those two were already good on their own! A single day of training couldn’t have made them change that much! They probably practiced extra hard in Sekai!

They were still amazing though, I can tell Kohane isn’t as shy with her voice anymore, it’s a lot more vocal and she could sing a little higher now.

An, her voice is a lot more clear even though it was already clear. She could also sing longer without taking as many breaths as before. 

They got better while I was in the hospital. My body shook and my heart felt heavier. I’m proud of them both, but at the same time I wish they didn’t improve this much without me, but that’s a selfish thought. I should be happy that they’re both improving.

My mind was on autopilot, I wasn’t even paying attention to the next group that showed up and sang. I was too focused on how much those two improved. The difference between their practice on Monday and now is night and day.

If they improved this much, I’m scared how much Toya, my own partner, would have improved. Even Arata said Toya was the best out of the four of us and as much as I hate agreeing with him, Toya had good instincts with music.

And by the time I noticed, the group finished and Toya was next. He walked on stage next to Arata and I heard the crowd roar like some sort of parade for the end of a war. I knew Arata was popular, but not that popular. Ugh, if it were this loud in any other industry I’d have left already.

After some brief introductions, Toya was ready to sing with him.

I heard the opening of Rain and Petra. So this is the song Toya chose to sing, I wonder what he’d choose for the team battle on Sunday.

I glanced at Arata real quickly. I wonder if you’re going to hold back like you did with me. That humiliation, I never want to face it again. Looking down at me like I was a baby, you remind me of dad you bastard.  

It was then I heard Arata sing and I was in pain.

His voice, it sounded nothing like it did when he won the rematch I challenged him to. It was a lot more gentle, but powerful. It matched how I sang it, but Arata had talent while I didn’t. The difference in quality was like a phone booth being compared to a smartphone and I was the outdated phone booth.

He was still holding back when I challenged him and now he sounds like a completely different person.

I then heard Toya sing his first lines.

He… he changed. He’s different.

He sounded like he had his voice box completely fixed and cleaned, it was like he had it replaced with a fresh, clean one like a battery. 

And when they sang together…

It synchronized perfectly.

Toya sounded better with Arata than with me. 

The audience’s cheering got louder.

They never cheered this loud when I was singing with him. 

When they sang, it sounded like a single voice, I couldn’t tell who was singing. Even with my sharp ear, I had a hard time telling who was louder or who was off beat. I couldn’t tell the difference at all. Even with all my observational skills, I felt like I was hearing a single person sing. I never had that feeling when I was with him. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. So this is why Arata is so popular around here. I completely underestimated him.

Just how good of a teacher was Arata?

The more I looked at Toya, the more I wanted to choke myself.

I’m holding An back.

I’m holding Kohane back.

I’m holding Toya back.

So this is what happens when talent joins you three. You all sound like you’ve gone through some sort of singing boot camp. This quality is something you could hear on tv for a new group to gain popularity. New stars that could hit #1 in the charts within a year’s time.

I never sounded like that and I never will.

I could never be as good as any of you.

At this rate our dreams will never be fulfilled with the way I am now.

At this rate Arata going solo will beat us to the punch.

At this rate I’m going to be replaced.

And they were finished, Toya was sweating a little and Arata looked like he did a warm-up. The audience screamed for an encore, it was loud enough that it could be heard from outside.

Nobody ever asked for an encore when I was with Toya.

I could never get a crowd this big.

I could never get a crowd this excited.

I could never surpass…

I left the building before I heard the winners, before An and Kohane went on stage with their opponents. It was obvious who won. I found myself at an isolated street. My legs gave out and my eyes were leaning on my knees.

My body never felt this heavy. 

My arms wouldn’t lift.

My heart hurts.

My eyes felt weaker.

I felt weak.

If they were this amazing as a duet, how excellent would they be on Sunday once they all sing together?

Am I just holding back Vivid Bad Squad…

Chapter Text

I want to sleep.

I want to be somewhere else, anywhere else but here.

I don’t want to see how they’d perform on Sunday, but if I don’t see it then I’d be a terrible friend.

I don’t know what to feel now.

Should I feel jealous of everyone cuz they’re better than me?

Happy that my friends are improving?

Angry that Arata is much better than I am?

Devastated that Ena’s Sekai is so gloomy?

Disappointed at myself?

Ashamed of myself?

I don’t know if I want to cry.

I want to go to that empty Sekai of Ena’s, but she’s probably there at this hour. I didn’t ask to get permission to be there, it just appeared to me out of nowhere. That Sekai belongs to Ena and whoever else, not me. It’s not right. That was Ena’s personal space, away from me, away from dad, away from people. If she were to find out I can go there, she’ll think I betrayed her. But I already am sort of betraying her since I’m the one who’s been po-

My phone rang interrupting my thoughts, who was it? It’s not dad, he never calls me. Ena wants me dead, it’s why she blocked me. And my team is still inside and they don’t want to bother me while I’m still resting, which I’m not doing cuz I’m a dumbass.

I took out my phone and was blinded by a light.

“Hello.” I opened my eyes and saw Ena’s Miku. It’s weird to see a Miku not so cheerful. Her eyes looked so dull despite being pretty. 

“Is something wrong? Is Ena there?” I would’ve thought Luka would’ve been the one to call me first.

“No and no. I just wanted to talk for a little bit.”

“Were you bored? Cuz I’m not great at talking you know, wouldn’t be surprised if Ena said that at one point.”

“No, Luka agreed with me that I need to talk to you. She said that you needed to talk to me and Rin more often.”

Don’t pretend to act like you care about me. It’s all just a lie. People pretend to care about me, but really they just pity me. 

Just like dad.

Just like mom.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“If you want to avoid seeing the others, I could call you whenever they leave. That way you could be left alone with only us. You seem really adamant on not wanting to see them.”

“I’ll consider visiting once they leave.” I feel more comfortable being there than being at home or anywhere else really. I feel awful being here, breathing here, living here. “Has Ena talked to any of you since yesterday?”

“Only briefly. She just came to paint and left. She usually visits within twenty minutes from now with her friends.”

“Ah, I see. I said it once, but please don’t mention me at all to any one of em.” heh, I said please. I don’t remember the last time I said that. I hit so far below rock bottom that I’m saying please.

“Why do you want to keep it a secret if I may ask? They can all help you and you can help them.” I was just thinking of why I wanted to avoid going there as much as possible, might as well say it out loud now while it’s still fresh in my mind. 

That is a good question.

“Because I’m an outsider, I’m an intruder. That Sekai wasn’t mine to enter from the beginning, I could only go there by some random coincidence. Besides, what would Ena think? What would she say? I’m invading her alone time, this is supposed to be her safe haven away from me. She wouldn’t look at me the same way if she knew I could go here. I know her secret, a secret I haven’t earned the right to know. Even if she does go along with it, she’ll eventually ask if I have a Sekai. Then she wouldn’t look at people the same way ever again. I’m already thinking if the people I met have a Sekai and what kind of place it would be. I wonder what kind of problems they would have. If a dumbass like me could think like that, then someone smart like her could easily have thoughts like that.”

“I see.”

“You already promised when I first entered there. Don’t tell me you were all talk?”

“I intend to keep it, but my role here is to help and save everyone who has access to this Sekai. That includes you. I will only tell Ena and her friends you were here if it will save you or them. But right now I intend to keep quiet.”

“That’s the best I’m gonna get aren’t I? Beggars can’t be choosers.” honestly I hate the fact that she’s probably going to tell them, secrets like this never last long, but there’s no other choice. All she wants to do is help them, and if keeping my secret would hurt them then it has to be let out. Once that happens… Ena will probably hate me forever. If… no when that does happen, I’ll just move out and live somewhere else. I’ll figure the rest out later…

“How are you feeling?” not again with this shit. I wish everyone would just leave me alone. I hate talking about myself, I’m not worth anyone’s time. My feelings aren’t worth mentioning. If I don’t know what to feel, then how the hell is someone else supposed to?

“You tell me.” I mumbled weakly.

“I don’t know what you are feeling.”

“Then that makes two of us, so stop asking me shit like that. It’s not going to be helping me anytime soon.” look at me, someone’s trying to help me and I’m being a total jackass. 

“So you’re just like her.” 

Her? Is there someone else feeling what I’m feeling? Wait… didn’t Ena say that someone else was suffering like I am? Are they both talking about the same person? Whatever, it’s not my business. I can’t help this person even if I wanted to, I can’t even help myself. 

“Anything else you wanna say to me?” hurry up and leave me alone. You probably care about the true owners of that Sekai instead of a phony like me. You’re probably just using me to kill time until they all arrive.

“Do you wish to meet the person I am talking about?” 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious. Who was this girl that apparently is feeling… whatever I’m feeling? But there’s no point, I’m a guest here, I do not belong here. Meeting her would probably be a mistake, the Virtual Singers of this Sekai needs to help the original creators. That’d be like if a parent took care of their neighbor’s child instead of their own.

“It’s fine. I’m gonna go home now. Take care of Ena for me would you?” I turned off my phone before Miku could say goodbye. 

I dragged my feet slowly, I don’t know how long it took me to get home, it could’ve been minutes, hours, I didn’t care. Nobody was home to greet me.

Everything looked so blurry, as if tears were stuck in my eyes.

Everything looked so far away, like I was using binoculars the wrong way. 

Everything looked so bland, like someone erased all the colors I could see.

Everything sounded lost to me, like I was hearing twenty different conversations at the same time.

Everything felt slow to me, like I was in a video being forced to play in slow mode.

When I made it home, I didn’t bother to eat dinner, I didn't feel hungry and cooking dinner was too time consuming and made me exhausted. I just forced myself up the stairs, like I was climbing a mountain, my breathing got thin and intense. I felt light headed, like I lost a lung and could only breathe in at half the capacity and strength.

I want to feel better, but I don’t know how. I just found myself in the restroom changing into my pajamas. I just found myself in my bed, closing my eyes, wanting today to finally die. Wanting for a better tomorrow.

I woke up early at 6. Usually I’d be in a hurry, getting ready to practice, but I’m supposed to be resting. I’m supposed to be studying.

I just want to lie in bed for the rest of the week, but I can’t, I have responsibilities. I disappointed myself, I can’t disappoint my boss. I rolled myself out of bed, falling to the floor. I reluctantly got up like how Ena hates waking up in the early mornings. I wonder if she’s home. I want to check but there’s no point. She hates me, even I hate me.

I wonder how my team is doing. They improved so much without me, I’m so proud of them. With today and tomorrow to practice, I have no doubt that they’ll make the best of Arata’s training. No doubt they’ll make the name of Vivid Bad Squad shine like the sun. With the four of em singing, it’ll probably be like someone hearing an orchestra of Beethoven. 

I should do the laundry, I have a few hours until work. I forgot whose turn it was to do it, either way I’m already here with nothing to do. The basket of smelly clothes wasn’t heavy so I could easily bring it down, but I didn’t feel like carrying it with me. I just brought the basket over the ledge making sure I didn’t drop it on anything important, and just like that my grip on the handles let loose as I heard the plastic impacting the floor. Luckily for me, somehow no clothes fell off from the impact but I couldn’t be sure if the basket itself was fine. I never would do this under normal circumstances, but my circumstances are anything but normal. If Ena saw me do that, she’d scratch my eye off. Whatever, I couldn’t quite care anymore. 

I just made my way downstairs, looking down at the living room. It was empty. Sometimes I’d watch tv with Ena at night and she’d fall asleep on the couch. No matter how many times I tell her not to sleep there, she’d do it anyway and I’d carry her to her bed. There were some rare days where she’d watch tv early in the morning. That reminds me, there was that annoying time she saw that commercial about that music band or whatever with that monochrome cover. She really made me go to the music shop to search for every single CD. Took me an hour to find it since she only knew the cover picture; not any clue about the artist’s name, genre, or whatever. That Ena…

There weren't many photos of us in the living room. Most of it was just basic photos, other than that our house didn’t have anything other than dad’s paintings and a bunch of other random crap. We didn’t have those fancy family portraits with us wearing nice clothes. We didn’t have birthday party photos of the family. No holiday family photos of Christmas or New Year’s. No vacation photos of any of us. Does dad even take vacations? Eh, probably not. Hell, we don’t even have our graduation photos here. They’re probably locked up in some closet or whatever. A normal, happy family would have some sort of photo but we don’t. 

Dad probably hid or threw away photos of mom, he never mentions her. At this point, Ena is more of a mother than my actual mother. She’s the one that’s been taking care of me all these years. All dad does is give us money for groceries and for bed. 

This family is broken, like my dreams of being a football player.

I grabbed the basket and thankfully it didn’t break or crack. Maybe I should do it more often when Ena isn’t around, it’ll save me the hassle. I went to the laundry room and separated everything appropriately and turned on the machine, putting on the appropriate detergents and whatnot. All that’s left for me to do is wait, wait until it’s finished. What a pain, all that’s here with me is the sound of the machine. I stared at the machine, the clothes spinning in circles. It felt hypnotic, like I was under a spell that only allowed me to look at it. Am I that bored and miserable that looking at a washing machine is my source of entertainment? 

I closed my eyes, blinding myself with my eyelids. The only thing here is the washing machine and my own thoughts. The day just started for me and I already feel exhausted. I don’t know how I’m gonna deal with customers at work, half of em are annoying pieces of shit complaining about dumb stuff. I took out my phone from my pocket to listen to some music, it’s better than nothing.

Ready Steady is still on my phone, so that means my feelings about RAD WEEKEND are still there, that’s good. Without that, I’ll have nothing. That’s the only thing keeping me going. That reminds me, I wonder what’s the song Ena uses to enter that Sekai of hers. Is it the same as the one I use? Her group made so many songs, so it could be any of these songs.

But they’re all so sad.

This has to be what she’s been feeling at times.

She’s been feeling like shit all this time and I haven’t done a single thing to help her. I’m sorry Airi, I promised you but I failed, I failed like I always do. I’m a terrible brother, I thought I was the one that knew her the best since I’m her only brother, but turns out I don’t know anything about her. She has so many hidden feelings I didn’t know until now, these songs, they tell a lot. 

Sorry Ena, sorry that you’re stuck with someone like me of all people. Sorry that I took your talent away from you.

I rested my eyes while I put a song to play at random. I listened to all the music on my phone dozens of times, and they're starting to get dull. Everyday feels like a chore, there’s no excitement in my life lately. I wish I could go back to those days of that summer where I could hear RAD WEEKEND. Hearing them for the first time was an eye opener for me, I could hear them play forever. I don’t know how many times I studied their music or how many times I listened to them. Meeting Ken for the first time in person was like a dream come true. Now I’m wondering if I could actually make my dream come true with my team. I don’t deserve them, they’re too good for me. I’m holding them back, I’m causing nothing but trouble for them.

I tried singing, but I got exhausted too quickly. My voice was fine, but I could tell I was pushing myself when I tried to sing. It sounded a little off, which meant even if I didn’t get tired, that wouldn’t have mattered if I sounded terrible. I’m still recovering from that stupid infection or whatever. 

When I stopped hearing the sound of the machine stop, I opened my eyes. It felt like a few minutes but turns out time went by a lot faster than I thought. I grabbed everything and swung them real quick to get rid of the wrinkles when they dry up. Hanging everything took long, much longer than I usually do. Probably because I could take my time since I have nothing to do at this hour, I was probably subconsciously doing it slow.

I left the house after that, staying here made me feel like I was suffocating. I could probably walk around Main Street for a while then head to Vivid Street. I could eat some breakfast, I haven’t eaten dinner, so maybe that’s why I’m feeling sluggish. What was it that we learned in class, calories are fuel or energy? Or was that sugar? I wish I was smarter, that way I could learn how to deal with problems.

It was getting colder, but I have a higher tolerance towards the cold compared to other people. Other people were wearing jackets, I was just wearing my usual outfit. I love that set, it’s why I have two pairs in case one rips or something. The leaves were changing colors, isn’t it cuz they don’t do that photosis thing around this time of the year? 

I looked at my phone again and it’s the time when practice would start, but this time I’m not there. What kind of secrets and tips is Arata giving them? Some sort of secret lesson he got from his parents or teachers? Whatever it is, I won’t be there to listen. I wish I was feeling better so I could participate in his free lesson. A once in a lifetime opportunity and I can’t make it, just perfect. 

I made it here and I realized I have a few hours to kill before work. I did not think this through, then again I am an idiot. I could just eat breakfast and… I don’t know, go to an arcade? Are arcades quiet at this time? Maybe I could win something for Toya for dealing with my stubborn attitude.

“Oh, what a coincidence to see you here.” a familiar, girl’s voice spoke to me. I made a small smile and turned to her. I see that Asahina girl. Man, why am I running into Ena’s friend a lot recently…

“Hello there Asahina-san, good morning. How are you?” I greeted while smiling at her.

“I’m doing well, thank you for asking. How about you?” I’m not doing well.

“I’m doing just fine, I was not expecting to see you here.”

“I’m just here to meet with friends. I have a couple of minutes of free time so I was wandering around until I met you.” she smiled at me, but for some reason it bothered me, it felt familiar but I couldn’t figure out why.

“I was just on my way to get some breakfast, I didn’t feel like eating at home. If you don’t mind me asking, but how has your friend been? The one with the long, pretty, white hair? Her name escapes me right now.” 

“Oh you mean Kanade?”

“Is that her first name? If so, then yes. I met her the other day and she was in trouble, so I was wondering if she was in trouble again recently.”

“Ah yes, she did mention you helped her out a few days ago. She wanted to thank you but she’s not good with socializing in person. That and she didn’t know how to. That girl, always forgetful with these sort of situations.” she put her fingers to her cheeks like a concerned mother.

“Please, I did not help her to be thanked or to be rewarded. She’s a friend of Ena, and that alone is more than enough for me. The same goes for you too Asahina-san.”

“Please just call me Mafuyu, and I’m sure Kanade won’t mind if you said her name also. You’re such a polite, good brother, I wish I had one like you.” if you knew me, you’d hate me. It’s best that we remain acquaintances.

“Please, you’re too kind, I am not worthy of those words. You’re the one taking care of my sister, if anything Ena should be your sister. You take care and see her more often than I do nowadays." I smiled, but I gave a genuine one. Why did I smile when I said that? “Oh and you can call me Akito, I am not fond of my last name.”

“You’re too humble, even that can be a fault Akito-kun.” she smiled gently again, it looked pretty, but that’s just it. It only looked pretty and nothing else.

“I apologize, in my experiences I learn not to be overconfident otherwise I tend to bite off more than I can chew.” I wonder if Ena said anything to you.

“That’s right, you sing, I’ve heard-” heard what? Heard that I suck?

“Nene-chan! Hurry up!” a girl’s voice interrupted her as I felt someone collide with me as I fell backwards on my ass. “Ah, sorry!” 

“Otori-san! What did I say about running? This is why I said not to run, because incidents like this would occur.” Asahin-no, Mafuyu scolded the girl that ran into me. I looked at the girl again and she had short pink hair. Wasn’t she the super loud one that came to meet Tsukasa that one time? I think she wore the same uniform as Kohane’s.

“Eek! Asahina-senpai!” she screamed immediately and got off me. She instantly straightened herself like she was in the military. Was this girl always in trouble and scolded by her? “S-Sorry!” I got up and dusted myself off.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, Akito-kun here is the one you ran into.” 

The Otori girl looked me in the eye.

“Emu, you’re too fast!” I heard another girl’s voice. We all turned to her, it was that girl that was in Toya’s class. She had long, grayish-green hair and purple eyes. Her expression back then was a bit emotionless, but now she looked like she ran for her life. She was out of breath, it seemed like she was left behind by this girl’s energy.

“EEK!!!” I heard both girls scream out. Why were they both screaming? Was there a bee or something on me? Did I land on literal shit or something?!

“Is something wrong? Is there something on my face or back?” I smiled fakely as I turned my back to them. 

“N-No! No! You’re fine! There’s nothing on you! It’s just that we realized we’re late for our meeting! Isn’t that right Nene-chan!?” that girl immediately nodded as if her life depended on it. “Sorry for running into you! I’ll pay attention next time I promise!” that Otori girl ran off grabbing that other girl’s hand. They both looked like they saw a ghost, was it something I said? 

“I swear that girl, what kind of apology is that? I’m sorry Akito-kun, I’d love to stay and chat but I have to meet my friends. It was nice talking to you.”

“I’m sorry for taking up your time, take care.” and like that she also walked off.

I was not expecting to be borderline tackled today. Wish that girl didn’t do that, I wanted to know what Mafuyu was going to say to me. From the way she spoke to me, it didn’t sound like Ena talked to her about what I said. Then again, she could be faking it and actually hate my guts. She did have a weird smile on her face, the kind that was acting like mine.

With that out of the way, I made my way to a fast food restaurant. I just wanted to eat something quick and be out. I got myself two breakfast sandwiches and coffee. When I bit into my sandwich, I didn’t taste much. It was like eating a fried egg without any seasoning. There’s sausage here so it should be salty yet I can barely taste it. I took a sip of my coffee and it tasted like water even though I put in cream and sugar. I can’t even enjoy meals now cuz of this stupid infection, just wonderful, it feels like I’m eating cardboard or something. There’s more taste in water than this…

I don’t know how I’m gonna survive another few days like this, can’t enjoy music, can’t enjoy food, can’t enjoy myself. Wonderful.

I don’t remember what I did until it was time for work. All I remember was that I was wandering around, I think I was near the park listening to the team practice. I remember hearing singing and music, but that could’ve been just the music from a store.

When I arrived at work, everything was boring. It was even more boring than last week. Boring routing of handling stock. Boring routine of waiting until someone showed up. Boring routine of dealing with annoying customers. Boring routine of dealing with the cash register. Boring routine of waiting until work ended. Everything felt boring, I feel like I’m back to being my old self, when I gave up on football. I couldn’t feel anything, nothing felt right, I couldn’t enjoy myself. I hate that feeling, I didn’t want to experience that again but I am right now. I’ve been feeling that for a while now.

When I went home that boring night, I put the laundry away and then took a quick shower. It didn’t feel the same without Ena bitching at me not to touch her clothes. She’d usually forget though and I’d just dump everything on her face when she was asleep. Sometimes I’d throw her stupid bra at her face in the morning to wake her up. 

Never thought I’d ever say it, but I miss Ena bitching at me. She’d always bitches at me for doing something slightly wrong or make me into her pack mule for shopping. Being asked to wake her up early was common, being dragged by her to get pictures of food or whatever was annoying but seeing her smile was worth it. Picking up shit for her at the convenient store was the most common thing I did, but now, it felt like a distant memory from years ago.

I always thought of Ena as my only family, but now every time I walk around the house, it feels like the house has lost a lot of life. There’s many things that fill up space here, but what’s the point if I had no one to share it with. I just hope Ena’s safe, I highly doubt she’s gonna forgive me anytime soon. I wouldn’t forgive myself for years.

I just went to bed. I wish I had the energy to listen to music. I wish I was motivated enough to listen to it. I wish I was better at singing.

I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t sleep. I tried turning my pillow the other way, so my head could be cool, but that didn’t work. I didn’t wanna go downstairs and get warm milk, going up the stairs is still a mountain to me. I tried putting in those sleep music videos, but that didn’t work.

Those initial short seconds of trying to sleep turned into minutes. Those minutes eventually turned into long hours. Long hours of me staring at the darkness, long hours of me wanting to just get a baseball bat and keep on bashing my head until I knock myself out. Next thing I know, I hear birds chirping. I don’t remember the last time I heard birds chirping when I was trying to sleep, in fact, I don’t remember that happening at all. Unlike Ena, I kept a good sleep schedule. Yet ironically enough, those annoying flying rats chirping is what finally made me sleep. I’m so glad I don’t work tomorrow, er today technically, otherwise I’d be too exhausted to do anything.

I wish I was in a coma, that way I could sleep for a long time, but that’s a stupid thing to wish for. I slept normally except for the fact I’m gonna have trouble sleeping again to fix my stupid schedule. Another thing that I can’t even work on lately cuz of my stupid illness. By the time I woke up, it was nearly sunset. I became Ena for once, normally I’d get up and practice on a day like today, but there’s no point since I practically overslept. If I were to do that on a normal day, I’d get a phone call from An. She’d yell at my ass to get up if I were to ever oversleep, yet that never happened cuz I was probably the most responsible one of the group when it came down to being on time.

I got my ass off of bed and wore something new, something similar to what I wore on Friday. I needed to see how they’d sound. I needed to support em like this if I couldn’t join em. 

When I went downstairs, I saw brown hair on the edge of my eye. I rushed over to see if it was Ena. Did she finally come back!?

“Hey Akito, it’s unusual to see you up this late. You’re not becoming like Ena right?” oh. It was dad. The wrong person with brown hair I wanted to see.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I responded simply. “I thought you were going to be out?”

“Ah, my flight got delayed so I was at a friend’s house. I’ll be leaving tonight for real.” that explains why he hasn’t been home. Though, a quick text message would’ve been nice. Whatever.

“I see.” I walked towards the fridge to get something to drink. I missed breakfast and lunch again. It’s fine, I don’t feel hungry today. I grabbed some orange juice and luckily there was little left so I didn’t need to use a cup, so I could just drink it straight from the plastic jar. I put my mouth towards it and I chugged that thing down within seconds. Damn it burns my throat, I couldn't taste it that well cuz of it.

“Easy there, what’re you in a rush for?” oh shut up, if I want to drink something fast then it’s my decision. Don’t act like you care about me.

“I’m thirsty, and besides, garbage day is in a a couple of days isn’t it? Might as well get rid of this thing fast and take out the trash soon.”

“Ah that’s right, sorry son, for making you do all the chores.” no you’re not.

“It’s fine, I’m used to doing everything around here anyways.” when I threw that jar in the recyclables, I took a quick glance towards him. He looked sad, as if he’s about to leave me for real. I couldn’t care if he did, I talk to him like four times a month, at most maybe. He’s off drawing for clients showing off his talent. Showing off how great he is, showing off how he worked so hard. 

Fuck you.

“I’m out, see ya.” I headed off the door and put on my hoodie. I think I heard him say bye, but that’s probably just my imagination. That’s all he does, say bye like mom did.

I rushed towards where the match was taking place and then my phone rang. Why does someone always call me at times like this? I made my way into an alleyway and answered. It was Luka that called me. This Luka was nothing like mine. I enjoyed talking to my Luka while this one just made me feel like I wanna talk to a frog instead.

“Hey Akito! I didn’t catch you at a bad time right?”

“You did. I’m busy.” I responded quickly.

“Not busy enough to hang up though.” she grinned widely as if she won an argument. That shit eating grin she put on, ugh she reminds me of Akiyama.

Wait… 

Akiyama hangs around with Ena a lot, both have pink hair, both have that annoying grin… don’t tell me Akiyama is the reason this Luka is acting like that!? Is Akiyama a creator of that Sekai also!? If so then that explains Luka’s annoying attitude! No wonder she annoys the shit out of me!

Wait, wait, wait…

I’m jumping to conclusions…

Those could just be coincidences. I mean, I could ask Luka or anyone else there, but that’s basically an invasion of privacy. I’d be invading Ena’s trust and her friends’. Akiyama having pink hair doesn’t mean jack shit. I mean, my Luka and this Luka both have pink hair, having the same hair color doesn’t mean anything. Both of the Rins and Meikos have the same haircut. Only difference is Miku, but I can’t think of the reason why. Maybe Miku is the goddess of each Sekai? 

“So why are you bugging me? I have somewhere I need to be.”

“No reason, I felt bored. Miku and Rin don’t have strong reactions and Meiko is being boring right now. Because of that, I decided to bother you.”

“Did Ena influence you somehow? I’m not a personal toy that entertains you, I have my own things to do. Why not entertain Ena or who else is there instead of a nobody like me?”

“I pranked Ena too many times yesterday, so she got annoyed. As for the others, well they’re not as fun to mess with. Aren’t you curious about who they are?”

“I am but it’s not my business. They could be complete strangers, they could be my friends, they could be from the other side of the planet, but if it’s not important enough for me to ask. All that’s important is that I know Ena is suffering.”

“You really are her brother aren’t you? You’re both so stubborn, it’s like I’m talking to the same person.”

“Hey, Ena and I are nothing alike!” I felt like I was being poked by a stick by her words. Ena has a lot of friends unlike me. Ena’s more likable than I am. Ena’s smarter than I am. Ena’s stronger than I am. “Now there’s a face I like seeing.” this woman! Why couldn’t it be Meiko that called me? She seems more normal than her. Not even my Sekai’s twins are this annoying. Sure they both piss me off at times, but at least it was unintentional. I wonder what this world’s Len is gonna be like… Seeing Rin without Len just felt wrong, it’s like seeing a modern smartphone without a phone case. 

“I’m so glad I could entertain you, I’m so happy that my annoyance sustains you.” I sarcastically spat out, I’m so tired of people annoying me. It’s like they enjoy my anger, as if my suffering makes them happy. It’s like suffering is the only thing I’m good at in their eyes.

“Is that all? If not I’m hanging up, I hate small talk like this. I’m giving you five seconds to answer.”

“Wait!” she had a panicked look on her face, her eyes shrunk immediately.

“What is it? It better be important.” I glared at her as if I was about to snap.

“How are you feeling?” this question again. That stupid, annoying question! Everyone needs to stop asking me that question! I wanted to yell at her, but I’m near the entrance of where I wanted to be. If I yelled then the crowd would recognize me. I don’t know how I didn’t yell at her for wasting my time.

“Not this shit again. I’m hanging up.” Luka looked like she was about to say something, she was literally reaching out to me, but I didn't care, so I turned off my phone before she opened her annoying mouth. If you wanted to ask me something important then don’t make dumb conversation, get straight to the fucking point. Everyone is pissing me off, I thought those Virtual Singers were supposed to help people, but all they’ve been doing is making things worse! If I never visited my Sekai then I never would’ve found out about Ena’s! All this because I got sick! 

I don’t have time for this shit.

I ran towards the spot my team was going to sing at. 

When I arrived, it was packed, more so than Friday and I’m still early. I guess Friday’s performance reached more people’s ears.

It was loud, louder than any arcade I’ve been to. I’m so lucky I wore something new, because I’m blending in with the crowd, nobody should notice me like Friday. Waiting made me feel anxious, nervous, and… something else, I don’t know how to describe it. I know that my team will perform great, but why am I feeling so weird. VBS is supposed to be a group that sings well, so why am I not happy about that?

The lights darkened, making it harder for people to see. The announcer came out and did his annoying long introduction. I know it’s your job and all, but please hurry the fuck up, we came here to see and hear the music. 

One by one, each group came in and sang. They were all good, but I didn’t feel anything when I heard them sing. I guess I didn’t care about them, I was more focused on my  team. Man, I’m such a dipshit for thinking that, I’m such a jerk. Whatever, that’s who I am, I always say what’s on my mind.

I think after like an hour, my team was finally up on stage. I guess they were the last ones for tonight. I guess they were saving the best for last, not surprising, my team is great after all… and they have Arata… I wish I could be on stage with them…

Arata was  wearing something different than usual. Instead of his usual black shirt with a plaid shirt over it, he wore one of those big winter coats with the fur on the hood, a white and gray shirt that was probably long-sleeved, and he wore those black jeans with those small chains on the side, and his shoes were fancy, something a sneakerhead would buy. He looked like he was one of those cool boys you see in those movies or something. Never thought I’d ever see an outfit like that in real life, but here it is before me.

The music started playing and it was the beat to Alter Ego. That one was my favorite personal group song for a while, although I didn’t tell anyone. The beat of it made me feel like I could breakdance or I could outrun a car during certain parts.

I was the first one to sing during this song, I was the opener. Since I’m not there then that means Arata would probably be the one singing my parts. I look at him, waiting to see how well he’ll perform. He had a focused look on him, the same one I had on stage. I could notice that he was tapping his free finger on his sides ever so slightly while his other hand gripped the mic tightly. To most people, it would look like he’s just standing there, but I could notice it, since observation is the only thing I’m good at. He’s tapping his fingers to probably count when to start. It’s a super basic, but effective way to figure out the timing. I think even dancers would count when and where they would start.

And then he sang my lines. He sang it a little deeper than I would be, it sounded amazing but I feel…

I feel nothing…

It’s not that I don’t know what to feel, it’s just that I literally feel nothing.

I feel nothing when I hear him sing.

I then heard Kohane sing.

It’s still the same, I feel nothing.

The same for Toya and An’s parts too.

Even when they all sang at the same time, I felt nothing. They harmonized perfectly, since the crowd started to go wild.

The song doesn’t make me happy that my team sounded nice. It didn’t make me feel sad that I wasn’t there with them. It didn’t make me feel jealous that Arata was there to replace me. I didn’t even feel angry at myself for failing my team. I didn’t even feel bored. I was just there, like some sort of mannequin. The feelings I’ve been thinking of, they’re not coming out. I was feeling just fine earlier, but now I’m just here.

I just stood there listening to them sing. I know they’re good, they sound amazing, but I can’t bring myself to smile. The muscles on my face aren’t responding to me, they’re just there. All I know is that the crowd loves them, they never yelled like this with the other groups. I was probably the only one that wasn’t cheering, everyone was bouncing around screaming and yelling a bunch of things I couldn’t understand. 

Vivid Bad Squad.

I looked at the three of em, they looked like they were singing for their lives, giving their all. Anyone would believe em if one of em said that they were gonna surpass RAD WEEKEND. They were serious, they sounded amazing, but I’m not enjoying this.

I’m not enjoying their success. I told myself that this was for the best. I told myself this was the only way. I told myself those things yet I don’t know if I regret it. I don’t feel anything and I don’t feel like watching.

I walked out, this place didn’t feel right. It was loud, too loud for me right now. I’d rather be in an arcade than here. Being here makes me feel like I’m being choked. Even being outside, the crowd’s cheers were loud, louder than it was on Friday. 

I wonder if anyone in the crowd questioned if I was missing.

I wonder if anyone cared that I wasn’t on stage with my team.

I wonder if anyone thought how much better it would be if I wasn’t there.

I walked away from here, I didn’t know where my legs were taking me. I felt like I lost something, like I lost something precious to me, but I didn’t know what. Wherever I went, I don’t remember. In fact, I don’t remember much nowadays. I don’t remember when I came home, I don’t remember when I slept. I don’t remember if I ate breakfast or lunch. Maybe I skipped both and just ate dinner. There were so many gaps, all I remember is that I talked to Toya and An at school, but only briefly. Kohane, I don’t remember if I talked to her. It feels like someone deleted my memories or moved them to a different place, like I was a computer.

When I felt like myself and could see things, I was at home, all alone. I know Ena wasn’t still home, I could never forget her voice. How many days has it been since Sunday? I checked my phone and it was Thursday night, man it felt like the past couple of days I was on auto-pilot. The days went by too fast, but I guess that’s a good thing, school is the only thing I have now. I’m no longer sick, but it’s time for exams. I’m ready to fail that shit, it’s all I’m good at.

I wonder how Toya and Kohane are so good at studying, I could never read those long textbooks for too long. Can’t I just drop out of school and just work on music for the rest of my life? It’s not like I’m good at anything else even though I have no talent for music. Who’s gonna care if I drop out? I don’t even talk to dad, so he barely knows anything about me. Ena doesn’t wanna talk to me. Toya’s gonna graduate and get some sort of scholarship to some fancy school far away, same with Kohane. An… I don’t know since her grades suck like mine, but at the very least she knows how to work the counter.

High school, after that we’re all going to go our separate ways eventually aren’t we? Ena’s gonna graduate and probably go to a good art school to work on her dreams. After we… they surpass RAD WEEKEND, they’re gonna move on with something else. Even Ken did that, did that event that Summer’s day and then retired to open up his café. But what am I going to do? I don’t have anything to my name. My attitude sucks and my grades suck. 

If you were to say my name but remove all music aspects from me, you’d say nothing. If you were to do the same to my team, someone would say something like Toya’s smart and well-mannered, An is pretty and cheerful, Kohane is polite and cute.

I’m not any of those. I’m not smart, I’m not pretty or cute, I don’t have any of their nice attitudes. I’m just a cat acting like a tiger. I don’t know what I’m gonna do in a few years. I’ll just… I’ll just think about this later. Not like I could feel anything lately.

I’ll just do the chores, if there even is. The house is cleaner now that it’s just me. There were no dishes since whatever I ate, whether it was homemade or from outside, tasted bland. Not even pancakes or cheesecakes taste good anymore, not even the ones I made for the past week, that’s the only thing I remember clearly oddly enough. All I ate was stuff from the fridge that filled me up. There was barely any laundry since Ena wasn’t here and I just went straight home. Only my usual outfit was in the machine which isn’t worth the hassle of washing by itself. There was still enough food in the fridge, so groceries weren't an issue. 

I’m so bored that I even want some chores to do in the house. All there is to do is take out the trash. When I blinked, I found myself upstairs. I guess that I was in a trance or something. I wish there was an elevator or a rope I could use instead of these stairs, my vertigo or whatever it’s called has gotten so bad that I don’t even remember going up the stairs. I just accepted the fact that I now hate stairs. I went to my room and took out the trash from my bin and put it in my garbage bag that was in my hands. I went outside to Ena’s room, shaking. My chest hurts every time I pass it, every time I look at it. I don’t even know if she’s home. I walked towards it and gently tapped the back of my knuckles against the wooden door.

“Ena? You home?” I asked pointlessly. Even if she was home, it was obvious she was still angry at me, even though it’s been a week I think. This is the longest she’s been angry towards me, this is the longest she’s been ignoring me.

I knocked again and gently opened the door. It was still empty, how the hell does she know when to not be home when I’m around? I sighed and walked towards the small trash can that was next to her desk. Probably just homework or handouts she got from her night classes. I dumped them into the bag in my hands and left her room the way it was.

I went to the restroom and got rid of the trash there. Only place left was dad’s room and his personal studio. I don’t remember the last time I’ve been there. I avoided those rooms like it was the plague, but since I have nothing better to do I might as well throw out the trash there.

Dad’s room, it was simple yet messy at the same time if that makes any sense. Lot of art supplies on his desk, a bunch of canvases, it’s a lot messier than Ena’s. I think the last time I was here was the day after mom left. I think I was trying to wake her up, but she wasn’t in bed so I went all over the house. Then dad told me what happened. I cried when I heard him say those words that mom left. He wouldn’t answer why, all he did was yell at me and say that boys like me shouldn't cry over stuff like that. He said that people will come and go, people will leave you. People will always leave you, people will hurt you.

Well old man, that’s probably the only thing I did listen to that came out of your mouth. I asked Ena if what dad said was true, but she just said that she also didn’t know. I think that’s why I started playing football, so I could avoid being reminded of mom, so that I’m out of the house more often.

I would cry now, but I feel numb. I dragged my feet to the trash can of his and got rid of the junk he crumpled up like a ball. I looked at a single door; it was his personal studio. I don’t like going there, ever since he hurt Ena I told myself not to go there.

Ever since I hurt Ena that time before junior high, I told myself not to go there.

That was when he taught me how to paint, probably to forget about mom.

I walked to the door I cursed at and opened it slowly, like I was in a horror movie. I turned on the lights and it didn’t look much different from what I expected and remembered. The gray desk was wide enough to work on two canvases, the room itself was a little small but it was mainly used when dad really needed to be by himself and work on his art with his talents. In the corner was a canvas and below it was covered by a plastic sheet, to prevent stains on the wooden, brown floor. Everything looked smaller since I was taller. The desk was old, but it was kept clean. Dad told me that you must always take care of your equipment, otherwise you can’t do the basic work. 

Why couldn’t you give Ena that advice when I was young? Why me instead of her? She’s the older one, I thought the older ones were always taught all the family techniques from all those movies and comics and games I hear about.

I walked and kneeled down to the garbage can. I put my hands on the crumpled paper balls, until I felt something weird. One of em was of a lower quality paper than the others. It was crumpled more than the others and it was definitely not as thick nor fancy as all the others. Dad told me in the past that a good painter mustn’t cheap out on practice, so at worst he bought those computer printing papers, but this wasn’t even of that quality.

I uncrumpled it from its ball shape. (is that even a word?) It was a letter apparently, there were a bunch of words. It was hard to read since it was crumpled so badly, so I sat on the chair of the old desk dad used to teach me at. I put the letter down and I straightened it using my fists. Dad wasn’t one to read letters and I was curious that something like this was here. It was also on the bottom of the trash, so it might’ve been there for a while. The writing was neat and symmetrical, almost like it was printed. My eyes were glued to the contents, and my mind started reading it.

“How have you been lately for the past several years? I know you weren’t expecting to hear from me, since it’s been years since we last talked. I’m personally feeling great, I got a big gig coming up overseas and I was wondering if you could come and visit. I hope you’ll visit, remember that promise you made to me years ago when we first met? I’ve seen your latest works lately and I’m not surprised, they’re still great as always. How’s our little girl been lately? Have you been teaching her? Like father, like daughter I’m sure she’ll make it to the top like you. She has my looks and I’m sure by now she’s going to get scholarships with your help. I can’t wait to see her art displayed next to yours one day, well if I’m still living by then that is haha…

I’m sorry for what I did years ago that day, but you were unreasonable. Your temper got worse and worse ever since you picked him up from that coin locker, and you knew what I wanted to do with him. Even if he’s a Tono he’s not our responsibility, it's her’, for messing around with other men. Even if you felt responsible, she should’ve aborted him, she had plenty of time. Being with you during those last few months made me feel like I was never going to achieve anything, especially with him around. All you did was talk to that Tono bitch, reassuring her that everything was going to be fine. If you left him alone, everything would’ve been fine. I always wished that you left him alone in that locker, because when you picked him up, everything became worse for us. Did you know Ena asked me why her little brother has orange hair? I had to lie that time, but she kept on asking me stuff that kept on reminding me of your selfishness. The more she asked about her brother, the closer I got to snapping. The more I asked about what you were going to do, the more we’d argue. I never wanted another child, let alone that stupid whore’s. That was the only time I wished you listened to me, if you didn’t bring him into our lives, I would’ve still been there with you and our little girl. I would’ve at least been fine with telling him the truth, but you always ignore it. You would say stuff like he doesn’t need to know. I forgot how you managed to convince me to keep him, then again, it is you. Didn’t you name him Akito because it meant something like person? You were always were a romantic with stuff like that. Did you ever tell him the truth? If not, when?

If you ever want to-”

I stopped reading. I… I…

I read it again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

I looked down at the letter again, but the last paragraph wasn’t important. It felt like I spent all of eternity memorizing that letter, time for me felt slow right now.

That, that was mom. That sounded like it was mom, no, it was mom; she said stuff about Ena being her little girl and dad.

Something in me felt weird.

I got up from the chair rapidly, grabbing the trash bag and out of that room. That room, it felt like it was drowning me.

I, I’m not a Shinonome? I was adopted? And mom knew? And dad knew? Did… Ena know? Did they all know that and never tell me? I recall the contents of that letter again. She said that dad picked me up from a coin locker from Tono. This is too much to take in right now. Wait a minute, I know someone named Tono. 

I think of that prick’s face, with all those earrings, that brown hair, that orange…  hair… I have orange hair… So… so… that means I’m his brother…? Or at least his half-brother? Arata’s mom was cheating on someone? Then that means I’m a bastard child…

I’m outside the house and I throw the trash in the proper place.

I’m a bastard child… I wasn’t wanted by my apparent real mother and the mom I knew never wanted me. I’m a living, breathing, walking failed abortion child… Mom never wanted me, I ruined her life, she wanted me dead. I don’t know why, what did Arata’s mom do to her? What did dad do? What did I do…?

My so-called real mom left me to die in a locker and dad never told me this all this time and he knew? What else is he hiding!?

I rushed back inside, it was getting colder and the sky was dark, and I took out my phone. I dialed my so-called dad’s number.

The call didn’t go through. Either he’s in an area with no service or he blocked me or something.

This is, this is too much. So I’m not a Shinonome. I’m not dad’s son. 

I’m not Ena’s little brother…

I’m more related to Arata than the sister I lived with all this time. I was adopted into her family. I’m more related to the bastard better than her, to the bastard that taunts me. I then realized something. They both said that I both lacked talent, and how did Arata know I was in the hospital? Dad must’ve gotten a phone call or something at the very least when I was hospitalized, he said he was at a friend’s house, so was that the Tono’s? Arata said he knew someone and dad was apparently related to the Tono’s. Did, did he tell Arata where I was? Does Arata know all of this? Did dad intend for me to screw up all this time!? Did he plan on Arata subbing for me!?

I… 

I…

I…

Ena please, I need you more than ever now. I need my big sister more than ever now. Just like how you helped me live my life that Summer, I need your words right now. I want to see you right now. This is too much, I don’t think I can handle it anymore, I’m willing to talk to you about everything now. If I can’t see you then… then… I don’t think I can keep on going. I need Shinonome Ena more than ever.

I called her.

The ringing felt like it was dragged on forever, each ring felt like it lasted hours. I waited and waited, I could only focus on the sound of each ring and my heart pumping like it was working on overdrive.

It didn’t go through.

I called again.

It still didn’t go through.

I tried again and again, but they all didn’t work. I know she blocked me, but I was hoping she would unblock me soon even though that was a false hope. I texted her instead of calling, and a red error message popped up. I messaged again and again and again.

She’s not picking up at all.

“She knew all this time and never bothered to tell you.”

That thought. 

“No wonder she bosses you around, you’re not her brother.”

No…

I lean against the wall, and my body drops to the floor.

I recall what the last thing she said to me was. She said she wished she was an only child, how she wishes she could spend more time without me. She knew, didn't she? She knew all this time. If she didn’t know then why would she say those exact words? So that’s why I questioned if we were related. So that’s why we don’t have any similar appearances! So that’s why I have the same eye color as Arata! So that’s why I always felt weird being called a Shinonome!

So I’m a walking, failed abortion.

I’m a coin locker baby.

I’m adopted.

I’m actually Tono Akito.

I’m unwanted by both Shinonome and Tono.

I’m a being that ruined two families.

I’m not Ena’s family.

I’m not Ena’s brother.

“Eh he.” I felt something weird inside me.

“Eh hehe.” my head feels empty.

“Hahaha.” my head feels like it lost something.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” I got up on my feet, putting my hands on my head and stomach.

“What a joke this entire thing is! YOU HEAR THAT ENA!? YOU GOT YOUR WISH! YOU’RE AN ONLY CHILD!” I rushed my way upstairs, that pain I felt when walking up, it’s no longer there. I just feel emptiness.

I stomped my way to my room and rushed towards my desk and opened a drawer. Inside was a photo of me. A stupid, pointless photo of me. I smashed it against the trash can, the wood frame snapped like a chicken bone. I threw it against the trash can so hard that it rolled out of my sight. I threw it so hard that the thin metal actually bent. I don’t care.

I rushed downstairs and I ran out. I ran out of that stupid prison, that prison filled with lies. What else have they been hiding from me? It was cold and the skies were looking like complete shit, but it looked better than me. It was pouring fast, even mother nature felt like shitting on me right now. She’s shitting on me right now, kicking me while I’m down. That’s not surprising though, the whole world is out to get me. There’s no point in me trying, I just ran through.

I don’t know where I was going, I just ran to wherever I felt like it was empty. It was dark out, I could be stabbed or mugged or something. But I don’t care. Nobody will miss me. I’m a nobody. I ran and I ran as the rain intensified, each drop of rain felt like it was an icicle stabbing me. It got cold, but I couldn’t give a single shit. I could be lost for all I care. It got harder to breathe, my legs started to burn, but I didn’t care, I just ran more and more, hearing the water splash and raindrops slapping my face.

Next thing I know, I’m at the park. It was mainly just trees, large ponds, and roads. So this is where I ran off to. I did something right for once in my life, I went somewhere secluded, no one ever comes here at this hour, unless you wanna risk being buried by some psycho. I walked deep inside and I found myself at a bridge over a small pond. There was a small road underneath. Ena would probably like this area during the day, it looked like a good spot for one of her photo sessions.

I sat down underneath the bridge, taking shelter from the rain. I had no energy to do anything for the night. Next thing I know, I feel warm teardrops rolling down my face.

“Fuck, it hurts.” I cry out.

“It hurts a lot.” this time, I couldn’t hold it in. I held in my tears for about twenty minutes now. My chest hurt, my feet hurt, my pride hurt, my feelings hurt. Everything hurts.

“It’s not fair. I try so hard every time I hold a mic. I practice until my voice starts to burn. I listen to every type of music I can. I devoted myself to music. I gave it my all! I did everything right and I still failed! I did everything right and it still led to this! It’s not fair! Why wasn’t I born with talent!?” 

Next thing I know, my knees and elbows are on the ground. I punch the concrete floor with my cold, shaking bare hands. I punch and punch and I punch, I feel something tearing off. I feel the small rocks being stuck to my fists and knuckles and I feel something warm dripping down my knuckles. It’s probably blood, I don’t know if it is and I don’t care. I just continue punching, pretending it’s my worthless face. I hate that face. I hate that faker. All I see now is a blur, ugly snot starts rolling down my face. My entire body is shaking, all I feel is the disgusting texture of wet socks, my feet are too cold to feel anything else right now.

“Why was I born with artistic talent and not Ena!? Why couldn’t she have this useless talent of mine!? Why can’t I have her singing talent!? It’s not fair! I worked a hundred times more than other people and I still can’t sing! It’s just like football! I talk a big game only for me to fail when it matters most in the end! Even if I worked a thousand times harder, there are others that work ten thousand times harder than me! Just like with football I don’t spend every single waking second practicing! Why am I so pathetic!? Why am I so weak!? I know surpassing them won’t be easy! I know I’d be failing a lot! Dad warned me that I’d suck! Dad warned me that I’d be miserable trying to do this! Dad told me to quit while I was ahead! I heard dad say the longer I’m doing this the more it’ll hurt! I heard dad say to Ena that the art world is full of pain! I knew something like this would happen eventually! So why does this hurt a lot more than it should!? Why can’t I be more like anyone else! Why can’t I write songs like everyone in 25ji!? Why can’t I be more tenacious like that Hanasato girl!? Why can’t I inspire others like that idol Kiritani!? Why can’t I be pretty like Airi!? Why can’t I be mature like Hinomori!? Why can’t I be smart like Kamishiro!? Why can’t I have energy like that Otori girl!? Why can’t I have confidence like Tsukasa has!? Why can’t I tune my voice like all of those Virtual Singers!? Why can’t I have a proud voice like An!? Why can’t I have skills like Kohane!? Why can’t I be more like Toya!? Why can’t I have talent like Ena’s!? Why am I so fucking dumb!? Why am I so fucking worthless!? Why am I so fucking useless!? Why am I so hated by nearly everyone!? What the fuck did I do to deserve everything!? Why can’t I ever do things right!? Why can’t things go right for once in my fucking dumb life!? Why am I so fucking unlucky with everything!? Give me a fucking break for once! Why wasn’t I born with any talent at all…” 

“Why the hell was I born!? All I do is fucking fail! What was the point of me being born if I can’t even do anything right! I never asked to be born! I never asked to be saved by a Shinonome! I never asked for anything impossible! I never asked for much! All I wanted was to be good at singing! I should’ve been left rotting in that metal prison, it’s where I belong! If I was left inside that cold prison as a baby, Ena would’ve been so much happier! Everything would’ve been perfect! Vivid Bad Squad could have someone with talent in the group instead of a poser like me! I could only be useful if I’m away from everyone! Without me Vivid Bad Squad is more popular than ever! Without me Ena is probably having the time of her life, making art that she can be proud of!”

I let it all out. I let out all my frustration. I let out all my envy. I let out all of my jealousy. I let out every emotion I was holding in for the past few weeks. I let out feelings I didn’t know I had, feelings I didn’t know were there.

But it doesn’t feel good. In fact it feels worse. My forehead is now touching the disgusting cement path and I put both of my hands to my hair. I want to pull it all out. I want to pull this stupid brain out, I want to rip out this ugly hair. I want to erase this orange hair of mine, this orange hair that shouldn’t have been born. If this hair was gone, nobody would question my relationship to Arata.

Within my pockets, I feel my phone vibrating just slightly. Not now Ena, not you. You’re literally the last person I want to see. It’s too late. I turn my phone to silent mode without even taking it out. If I were to see your face now, I’d want to rip out my face. If I were to see your face now, I’d go insane. If I were to see your face, I think I’d choke the living shit out of you.

It was still raining and I don’t feel anything anymore. I know it’s supposed to be cold, but I literally cannot feel it anymore. I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel my arms. I can’t feel anything anymore. 

I just want to disappear forever.

I don’t know how long I was laying down, I lost track of time, I was too busy feeling nothing important to notice. I could lay down here and just die, but that’ll just inconvenience everyone. If the police or medics came here, they’d be wasting their time on me instead of someone else more important. Even if I was a corpse, it’d just bother everyone. I’d be on the news, and that’ll distract people from more important things.

What a shitty month. Nothing but shit thrown at me immediately after another. Nothing good ever happens to me.

I instantly remembered something, I'm a resident of that empty Sekai. They said it’s mine to visit whenever. 

With whatever strength I can muster and feel, I got up and grabbed my phone. I went to music and clicked play on the song that allowed me to visit that sanctuary.

Infinitely Gray.

Next thing I see, I’m here in this vast, white sanctuary. I walk straight forwards. I never realized how beautiful this place was. Here, I could be alone forever and forever, and one one would find me. No one would find me and that’ll be beautiful. I could walk forever and forever. Whoever were the owners of this Sekai is, they’re lucky. They could all have fun here without a care in the world. They could all live here without worries from the real world. They could all live here and not worry about failing. 

All I see in front of me as I walk is weird triangles and emptiness. I was a fool for thinking this place was so sad and lonely. I feel like I’ve lived here for years and years, like I was meant to live here instead of the real world. Step by step it was all the same scenario, no wonder the song I played to enter here was called Infinitely Gray; this grayness never ends.

Then I see a white door by a broken down pole.
What kind of heavenly scenario would I see?

I put my hand to the golden knob and turned it, as the door opened I was sucked in literally. I fell on my face as my palms soon joined in. I got up, lifting myself with my legs and I see nothing but pure blackness.

I wasn’t floating or anything, but the perspective of this place was not normal. It’s like I’m in a hamster ball running and the hamster ball is inside a cube that’s moving. It feels like I’m in one of those optical illusions in those paintings. I think dad painted one during his early years.

I walked forward, this place felt familiar like I dreamt it. The atmosphere here was similar to the two Sekai I went to. Even though I couldn’t feel the cold from the real world, this place felt normal to me even though it’s my first time here. It felt homey to me, more homey than the place I lived at for the past fifteen years.

“Welcome Shinonome Akito, or is it Tono Akito?” a familiar voice called to me.

“I am just Akito. What are you doing here Miku?” I saw Miku again, but this time she looked different from the two I saw. She didn’t have her signature long twintails. Instead it was short, like someone cut her hair. Her signature teal hair color wasn’t there, instead it was black. Her outfit was the same, but it wasn’t as bright and the gray parts of it were much more predominant. Her skin was also a lot paler and her eyes were gray.

“Did you forget again? Sekai and I are born from feelings. However, unlike the two you met, I am just here to observe. I am not here to interfere, your decisions are your own.”

“So this is another Sekai.”

“Yes, your Sekai to be exact. Do you have any questions?” her voice was even more emotionless than the Miku with the two eye colors.

“I don’t know. I would usually be confused, but now nothing surprises me. I guess the only question is, what is there to do here?”

“Before you there are two paths. One leads to safety and shame and the other leads to peril and prosperity. The former will allow you to continue living as you always did, living in ignorant bliss and happiness. The latter however, will torment you forever. It is tortuous and will threaten your existence. I will not tell you which path leads to which. Where you end up, that is up to you. You can continue forward or you can return back to your home.”

“I don’t have a home. If this is my Sekai, then that means this is where I belong, no? I want to see what my home is like, I’m going forward. I have nothing behind me, so if this is the path of safety and shame, it’ll be better than being with a bunch of liars. It’ll be better than being with people that pretend to care about me.”

“So that is your choice. Continue forward and I will keep on observing.” 

“Do whatever you want, I don’t care.” 

I walked forward limping, my back was facing her and she was walking several meters behind me. Safety and shame and live in ignorant bliss, she says. It would’ve been better if I never found out. I was happier when I didn’t know the truth, at least that way I could see people the same way. But no, all I could imagine is people comparing me to Arata now. Even my own team would compare me to him now, more so than ever now that he sang with em. No one really cared about me at all.

Kohane calls me Shinonome-kun even though I asked her not to. Looking back at that evening when I asked her to just call me by my name, she refused. She probably knew I wasn’t a Shinonome. It’s why she’s always calling me that, to mock me. There was even that one time she recognized my dad as that famous painter. I’m just the so-called son of a talented man. I’m just a talentless boy in her eyes, a talentless boy to a famous painter. I’m a failure in her eyes.

An, all she does is pick fights with me. All she does is argue with me. All she does is butt heads with me. I’m just someone that pisses her off, that’s it, simple as that. I’m just a tool to her and once I’m done with my job, she’ll throw me away like an empty pen. 

Toya, my own partner, can't even tell what I’m thinking or feeling but I know what he’s feeling deep down. If he truly cared about me, then he would’ve tried better to know me. If he cared truly, then he would’ve known where I was during those weeks I was training after Arata kicked my ass that night. If he did care, then he would’ve practiced with me. But no, he just ignored the harsh truth Arata gave me, like I was a little baby. He doesn’t trust or care about me enough to tell me my faults. There was even that time he called my dream pointless cuz I wanted to surpass RAD WEEKEND in a small town that no one outside heard of. He called my dream pointless. He knew that dream of mine was important, but he still spat those words at me. He’s not a friend.

Ena, she doesn’t care about me. I’m just a slave to her. She only cares about what I do for her, it’s why she constantly bosses me around. It’s why she doesn’t talk to me. It’s why she doesn’t know where I sing. It’s why she doesn’t know why I sing. It’s why she doesn’t listen to my songs. It’s because she doesn’t care about me. It’s why she doesn’t support me.

The same with Airi and Akiyama. They don’t care about me, they only care that I take care of Ena. They only see me as Ena’s little brother. The little brother that helps his big sister. Every time I talk to one of em, it’s literally always about Ena sooner or later. It’s never about me solely. I’m not a person to em, I’m just a substitute for em when they can’t help Ena.

They’re all liars.

“How much longer are you going to be this pathetic?” I heard Kaito’s voice, I turned to the direction of his voice and he punched me in the face and then one right on my liver. I landed square on my head, if I was feeling something, I would’ve punched him back but my body is too weak. 

I see the other Virtual Singers, and they’re all tying me up with a rope. They’re the ones from the Street Sekai. So they’re here too; all of their eyes were wide, as if they were some in some sort of horror show.

“You’re so slow, so we decided to take you where you want to go. It’ll be much faster this way.” Rin grabbed a part of the rope and everyone else dragged me. It didn’t hurt though, since I don’t even know what material this black void thing is. What a funny scene though, if they had a horse or car, then they could ride off while I’m being tied up while friction does its job and hit me.

“Poor little Shinonome, even needs someone to guide him.” Luka taunted me. You remind me so much of Arata. 

“Hey short-hair Miku, is this fine? Aren’t you worried about me?” I shouted at the one robotic one.

“I am only here to observe. What happens, happens.” she responded again with that statement. She continued walking, following us. My life has gotten so pathetic that I’m allowing myself to be kidnapped. 

“Do you ever learn to pay attention?” Meiko spat at me, she was angry and annoyed just like that time in the morning when I saw her. How did they travel from the Street Sekai to here?

“Just shut up the hell up and let us drag you where you belong.” hearing Len say that to me hurt. He was like a little brother to me even though he can be annoying at times. I don’t think I can ever get used to him talking to me like that.

This large void felt endless. I couldn’t tell if seconds were minutes or if hours were seconds. It felt like a loop that randomizes everything.

I was now on Kaito’s shoulder, like I was a hostage in those movies. I didn’t bother trying to squirm my way free, what would be the point? What’s the worst that could happen to me here? I looked around and I saw rows of seats. Are we in a movie theatre?

“Here we are, shut up and listen. Even someone like you can at least try to do that right? Then again, it is you we are talking about.” Miku… her outfit did not match that creepy face of hers right now.

Kaito threw me to the front, center seat like I was a sack of potatoes. However this seat was isolated compared to the rest.

I look around and I’m the only one here, that’s to be expected. This is apparently my own Sekai. When I turned to the Virtual Singers, I see them turn into black blobs like they were shadows or water. It’s like I’m on drugs and everything in front of me was a fever dream.

“How’re you feeling, you pathetic sack of shit?” 

“Wha?” I saw myself staring at myself, but the whites of his eyes were black. He wore the same clothes I do, the same hairstyle, the same shoes. Everything was the same besides his eyes.

“Come on now, don’t tell me you’re that stupid? Come on, you have one guess.”

“Me…?” it’s like I was staring at a mirror, except this time I want to break the shit out of this mirror. I want to strangle its neck.

“Congratulations! You knew the obvious! You deserve a reward!” his tone of voice changed, it’s like he had a microphone on with those filters and special effects. He or me, whatever is appropriate, reminds me of Arata with that condescending tone of voice. Even in my own apparent Sekai, that guy still haunts me.

“What do you want your reward to be, some talent? You always wanted that and it is a nice reward! But sorry, I don’t have any of that to give you! You’re gonna have to want something else, but what though? I know, how about some music that you can sing along with!” he snapped his fingers and the beat to Cinema was heard from the speakers of the theatre. A mic was brought out from his pocket and placed it in front of my mouth. “Come on, sing! You love to sing right?” 

I might as well do what he wants since I have nothing better to do, so I took a deep breath, about to sing my song. 

I opened it and nothing came out of my mouth.

“Come on, you better sing something soon. If you don’t, you’ll disappoint everyone and you don’t want to be a disappointment right? You’ve already disappointed yourself countless times, so don’t screw this up for the team’s rep! They’re all counting on you!”

I’m trying to sing, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. Not a sound, not even a simple cough.

“What a shame, you don’t want to sing. I can’t force you to do something that’s impossible.”

I tried to say something, but my voice wasn't there. It’s like someone stole it.

“Isn’t it time that you stopped?” his tone of voice changed completely, he had a mischievous smirk earlier, but now he looked like he was ready to kill someone.

“How much longer are you going to put up with this? Isn’t it time that you stopped being so selfish?”

What? Selfish? What the hell are you saying!? Since when the hell was I selfish!?

“You say that you care about singing but the truth is, you’re scared. You’re scared that you’ll be left alone all over again.”

Shut up.

“All you do is cause inconveniences for others. You say that you care, but the truth is that you’re selfish. You just don’t want them to leave, just like what mom did those years ago.”

Enough.

“You’re nothing but dead weight, which is why you nearly kill yourself pretending to be someone you’re not. Because all you do is burden others with that selfish attitude of yours.”

Shut your mouth already.

“All you do is run away from everyone and do nothing. All you do is pretend that you’re fine. Because of that, you received nothing in the end. You’ll never receive anything, you’ll never receive what you want, you’ll never receive anything important. It’s what you deserve.”

I don’t want to hear this!

“You help other people’s problems but when it comes to your own, you avoid them. But who would help someone like you?”

I said shut up!

“Once your problems get big enough, you’ll ruin everything. When that happens, they’ll abandon you just like mom. Just like Ena.”

SHUT UP!

“You say your problems are your own, but let’s be real. You just don't want people to rely on you because you’re selfish. You’re afraid that once they rely on you, you won’t have time to sing and practice. But that’s just a lie you tell yourself. Just how many lies do you tell others? How many lies do you tell yourself?”

…

“You help others, but you don’t allow yourself to be helped even though they want to. How selfish is that, denying people’s help. You’re nothing more than a hypocrite.”

I…

“You betray people’s expectations of you because of that. It’s why eventually they’ll stop forgiving you, just like Ena.”

Stop.

“You’ve let down your football team. You’ve let down your family. You’ve let down Ken. You’ve let down Vivid Bad Squad. You’ve let yourself down. Who’s next?”

Enough…

“You live a lie, so you tell yourself not to burden others. The truth is, you’re burdening them everyday by talking to them. You only help others because it makes you feel better after letting them down.”

Just stop.

“Once they know the truth, they’ll hate you just as much as you hate yourself.”

I said stop!

“Once Ena knows the truth about what you’ve been doing behind her back, she’ll wish that you were dead. You say that you’re helping her, but all you’ve been doing is giving her false hope.”

Please stop.

“Once your team knows the truth, they’ll wish that they never met you.”

…

“Once that happens, everyone will realize how useless you are. No, you’re far worse than that. You’re sick. You’re pathetic. You’re disgusting.”

I heard one of the songs Ena helped make playing in the background speakers, Self-Inflicted Achromatic, except it sounded far more distorted and certain lyrics weren’t said out loud. It was a song I listened to quite often, more so than I’d like to admit.

“Once they found out that you really don’t like singing, you should just kill yourself.”

“Why was someone like you born?”

“Why couldn’t you be the one to leave the family instead of mom?”

“The world would be a much better place without you around.”

“No one will miss you once the truth comes out. You’re just one person out of billions. You’re not special and you never will be. Whoever said that to you in the past is a filthy liar.”

“You always fail when you’re needed the most, so why bother trying? Is there even a point in trying when you know you’ll fail?”

“You stole the opportunity for someone to sing with Toya, someone much better than you.”

“You say that you don’t need talent for success, but what are you successful in? Your grades suck. Your personality sucks. Your social life sucks. If you were to die, who would miss you besides your team? Ena hates you. Dad hates you. Mom hates you. Your friends will hate you. Tell me, who would miss you? Your life doesn’t matter and it never will, so just end it.”

Just stop, please stop…

I’m trembling, I can’t keep still in this chair. I want to talk, but my voice fails me, just like how I fail others. Just like how I fail when I sing. I want to escape, but these ropes were tied too tightly. I don’t need to hear these out loud. I don’t need someone to tell that to my face. I know all of that is true, so shut up already.

“I see. So that’s how it is.” I weakly turned my trembling body to the voice, I forgot Miku was here. She was not too far away from me. She really is doing what she told me what she was doing, she was observing. “Akito, now is the time to decide once and for all. Leave or stay. Stay in this Sekai like you once did before or leave to the real world. Leave and you will continue the path you are on. Stay, and he will show you what you always wanted to see. Cut his ropes, his decision would be based on if he leaves this place.”

“Yeah, yeah, no need to repeat yourself.” his voice calmed down, it was weird seeing my face being so obedient. He took out a knife from his pocket and started cutting the rope on me. “Now make your decision already you waste of oxygen.”

Miku said earlier that I can live in blissful ignorance. That’s what this Sekai is for isn’t it? I already tried to persevere and I would always fail. Usually in those books, games, or movies the cool protags would choose to live painfully and then triumph in the end, but I’m not like one of em. I’m not strong, I’m weak. I’m so tired of being hurt, I just want to disappear. Staying here would be the blissful choice wouldn’t it? Even if it’s not real, even if it’s fake, even if it’s just an illusion, I just want to know what it’ll be like to be happy for once, unlike the real world. The real world, nothing good has ever happened to me. I’m always falling down faster than I get up. If I do go back, what's there for me? I don’t have a family waiting for me anymore. I can’t even sing that well, so I don’t have any fans. But what if I really will be missed? What if… no that’s stupid. That can’t be true, I’m just lying to myself if I think that. If someone really did care about me, then surely someone would’ve confronted me a lot sooner wouldn’t they? Someone that cared enough about me would’ve noticed the signs a lot sooner right? If my own so-called “sister” didn’t care about me, why would one of my friends?

If I were to go back, I’ll just be hit with more misfortune and just hit rock bottom to the point I can’t get back up. If I were to go back and somehow I let it skip that I’m Arata’s half-brother, I’d be laughed at. I’d be looked at differently. I’d be a laughing stock.

There’s no point in going back.

I have nothing.

Nothing matters.

Nothing matters and nothing ever will be for me.

“So it seems like you’re staying. Very well, follow me you waste of atoms.” I started following him like a dog following his master. I felt like a puppet, like there was someone controlling me with strings.

I don’t know where he’s taking me backstage. Maybe he’ll kill me in secret, that’s what I always wanted. Maybe he’ll push me off of a cliff and I’ll be gone forever. Who knows, it’s better than being in the real world that’s for sure. 

He takes me to a side door, like one of those exits I see backstage from the places I perform… where I did perform at. What makes this one special compared to all the other doors?

“This door is where the path you’ve chosen will lead you. This might be farewell. I do not know. 

“Hurry up and open it! Even a talentless failure such as yourself could do something as simple as that right?”

Being bossed around by myself, that’s a sentence I never thought I’d say in my life. I went up to the door and put my hand on the doorknob. My knuckles were still bloody from punching the floor from earlier. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need these hands  to hold a mic anymore, just like how I don’t need my legs to play football again. I twisted the knob and I felt a foot kick me from behind.

“Enjoy your time there!” I heard his voice yell at me while I was falling again. What am I supposed to enjoy?

I’m falling and I closed my eyes. Maybe I’ll finally die here and it’ll all end. I heard one final thing before I stopped falling. It was a younger voice, a voice I don’t recognize. It didn’t belong to one of the Virtual Singers. It was also a lot gentler than everyone else’s.

“Welcome Akito. This is where your Sekai truly begins. Here all your dreams will come true, it is after all a place where your feelings birthed. Your dreams will not turn into nightmares here. Everything you wanted will turn into a have.”

Chapter Text

Ever since he was a child, Aoyagi Toya has been practicing music. Even though he hated those times his father would force him to play classical music, right now in the present it was all worth it. His training allowed him to change his pitch while singing, adjusting it whenever it was needed. Many would say he’s the best one in VBS. He had the good looks that attracted the ladies and some guys, he has a polite personality, smart; he’s perfect, many would say.

Yet when that night when his partner sang with An, everybody thought that he was making a mistake, singing with someone that couldn’t even sing with passion. His partner for a lack of better description, sounded like fucking shit. That night, he killed the mood for the crowd, but thankfully both Toya and Kohane were there to pick up his partner’s failure. 

Their opinion of Akito lessened, Akito was a nobody singing with a dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND. He’s Icarus flying too close to the sun. He was a nobody that couldn’t sing with no prior experience in singing. Kohane, while in a similar situation to him, she at least sounded good all the time whenever she sang, she just needed experience. An was the daughter of Ken, he could easily give singing tips to her and everybody could hear her voice improving everyday. Toya’s the son of a famous musician, some people in the crowd recognized him since he used to perform on stage playing piano and violin in the past.

But Akito? Nobody really knew him or his background. Some people thought he was the son of that famous painter, but most people threw that idea out the window since the son of a painter would be, well you know, painting. All they have in common is that they have the same last name. All people know for certain is that he's like An, wanting to surpass RAD WEEKEND.

That night when Toya was backstage with Kohane, he was shocked that Akito was singing… not ideally. His partner never messed up like this, he never sounded this off before in all of the time he spent with him.

“Is Shinonome-kun going to be ok?” Kohane asked Toya with a worried look on her face, she looked like she watched her two friends get thrown garbage at. Akito was direct when giving criticism no matter who it was. In fact, she knew Akito was the most harsh on himself. Those days when she saw him overworking himself, she wanted to talk to him. She wanted to help him, but something inside of her told her not to interfere but another part of her told her to stop him. Yet, her hesitation chose the former as all she could do is watch her friend hurt himself. She saw him leave the venue that night with the weakest look she ever saw someone had, as if he heard that he couldn’t sing anymore due to vocal damage. She saw his face change ever so slightly, he wasn’t smiling and he was trying too hard to sound good. It was like someone punched him in the throat and he was still trying to sing through the pain.

“I don’t know, this is a first. He was fine earlier today when we were practicing one last time. Shiraishi was also fine, but now they’re singing differently.” An wasn’t great either, but she’s doing better than Akito right now, although neither of them would say this out loud.

“I’m worried about what they’re both going to think of themselves after this.”

“That’s why we’re their partners, we have to be there for them even if they refuse.”

They both listened to their partners’ singing, it wasn’t the worst singing in the world but it would definitely hurt their group’s reputation. But that didn’t matter, all they cared about was their friends. The crowd definitely did not like it, there were no cheers except maybe a few awkward pity claps. A venue like this was too quiet, to say that they were disappointed would be a massive understatement.

After the song ended Akito quickly ran off stage with An not too far behind. They both left before the guy on the mic could congratulate them off stage, Toya and Kohane quickly followed them. Yet when they both caught up to their partners, Akito quickly brushed them off. All he said was to finish what they started tonight, to make them (not including Akito in the team) proud. All Toya and Kohane could think of when they got on stage and sang was if he was going to essentially punish himself again by training until his health deteriorated. He promised the group that he wouldn’t do that again, but maybe things would have turned out different if the team caught up to Akito earlier. If they all ran faster, cared sooner, then maybe they could’ve helped him before he battled against Arata.

It was hard for them to think because once they sang, the silence that the crowd gave to Akito was gone. A venue like this sounded normal, with more than just silence. Toya and Kohane sounded amazing, unlike that orange-haired boy. The crowd quickly regained their spirit, something Akito destroyed initially. Even though the crowd got wild, due to Akito’s rancid singing, they would not win tonight. That was a thought they all had secretly in the deepest, darkest parts of their minds. But that doesn’t matter, because once the winners were declared, Akito just wanted to hear the truth of who sucked tonight. That was an obvious answer, but nobody wanted to say that out loud. They didn’t want to hurt their friend just because they lost a single match.

An, despite fighting with the stupid carrot-haired boy, never had any ill intentions like that. He’s the first person she met that was serious about surpassing RAD WEEKEND. The first one that was as serious as her, if not, even more. He’s just like her, even though she would never admit it. He said that it was his fault, that the blame was all on him tonight. It wasn’t fair, why couldn’t he share the blame with her? Her performance wasn’t good either. It was almost like he was insulting her, but she knows her friend, he isn’t like that. It wasn’t fair to him.

Kohane, she’s the most benevolent one of the group. She’s the definition of a mom-friend, for her to say something that blunt, the painful truth like that in front of her friend would break her. She messed up many times, caused losses for them, and caused trouble for the team when she first joined. She was the most inexperienced, yet no one in the team blamed her. All they said was that she needed more practice. So why couldn’t Akito give the same treatment to himself like he did to her?

For Toya, it hurt the most. For him to say the truth like that to Akito caused him more distress than every single test he took combined. Like Kohane he was a gentle soul, he hated saying things that would hurt others. When his own partner told him to say the truth about his performance, it hurt. It hurt him a lot. It hurt him more than being punched in the jaw. He’d rather argue with his father than hurt his partner. But his partner insisted on knowing the truth, on knowing who failed the most tonight, he insisted on hearing the painful truth out loud to the entire team. When he spoke the words out loud, it felt like he was stabbing Akito with a large knife, like he was abandoning him. That face he made when he said it out loud, that face Akito made, it nearly made him cry.

“I’ll be fine, Toya. Besides, I need to be alone right now.” he weakly told the group with the most pathetic, weakest smile anyone could see. His back was turned and that was the last they saw of him that night. The sound of the door closing echoed through their ears.

Toya knew his partner was bothered by his performance. He knew, An knew, Kohane knew. They all knew it bothered him a lot. It might’ve been, no, probably was a bad idea to leave him alone, but if they didn’t respect his wishes then it might just cause more issues. He said he needed to be alone, not want, but need.

“Akito…” Toya felt like he shot Akito, his chest felt like it was being squeezed.

“That stupid idiot! Why does he always do this!? Why does he act like I didn’t do anything wrong!?” An started to rub the water out of her eyes with her sleeves.

“An…”

“Always taking every single one of his losses like it’s the end of the world, always taking his burdens on his own! What’s wrong with him!? Can’t he be selfish for once and be angry at me!? Why can’t he just take his own advice for once whenever one of us messes up!? Why the hell is he so damn harsh on himself!?”

The other two didn’t say anything. They both knew she was right, they all hated that part about him. He’s too hard on himself whenever he fails but not when one of the others fails. 

“He’s… he’s probably still bothered by what Arata said a while back, about how he can’t imagine Akito being on the same stage as us in the future.” he should’ve done more back then, if he did something, anything, then maybe his own partner wouldn’t be in this moody state.

“That fucking bastard! If he comes near him again I’m gonna rip those lips off of his mouth! Let’s see pretty boy sing without those shitty lips of his!” 

“An, as much as I agree with you, we can’t be violent.”

“I know Kohane, I know! But to see him go back to that mopey state again hurts! I wish I was there during that night! If I was there that night then I could’ve done something to help!” she was still wiping tears off of her face, her sleeves being wet from the amount of tears she’s been fighting back this entire time. “If he hurts himself again by overtraining I’d never forgive myself! We share the same dream yet I’ve allowed that guy to shit talk him about it!”

“Shiraishi, I’m the one that should’ve done more to help, I’m the one at fault. I’m the one you should be angry at, Arata only said what was on his mind. Akito’s my partner but all I did was sit back and let him train during that time. I just let him do what he wanted. If I wasn’t so passive, then none of this would’ve happened.”

“Aoyagi, you’re not passive at all. Out of all of us I did nothing to help out at all. You two tried to talk to him about it, but I just stood there in the background. I was afraid that I was being too nosy if I talked to him about that night, about his feelings. If I was more confident then I could’ve done something, anything but I didn’t because I’m a coward. I’m still doing the same thing as last time, letting Shinonome-kun go off on his own.”

The three of them stood silent, they all tried to take the blame for their friend’s attitude. Who’s at fault, was it Akito’s for being so stubborn? Maybe Arata was the one at fault for belittling Akito? One of them for not being there when Akito needed their help the most? Or perhaps no one was at fault.

“I want to try to talk to him tomorrow, I’m tired of standing in the background like I did last time. He wouldn’t expect me to initiate a conversation tomorrow.”

“Kohane you sure?”

“Yes, if I can’t even talk to Shinonome-kun when he’s feeling down then how am I supposed to help anyone else in the future? I can’t keep hiding forever, the more I hesitate the worse things will get. He’s done so much for me, the least I can do is be there tomorrow for him.”

“Thank you Azusawa. If it were An or I that tried to talk to him tomorrow, he’d be expecting it and trying to deflect us or something. I’m ashamed to call myself his partner.” 

“An is difficult to talk to sometimes also, so please don’t blame yourself.”

“Hey!” An quickly stared at Kohane as if she was hearing an embarrassing story.

“She does have a point, you know? It’s why you and Akito argue often.”

“Why does everyone think that?” An looked like she saw a tomato inside her meal.

“I mean, you did laugh at him while he was arguing with his sister the other day.” Toya instantly answered back like some sort of supercomputer.

“Not to mention you caused that argument at Meiko’s.” Kohane added in with another answer.

“In my defense to that incident, he could’ve stopped the argument a lot sooner. That and it was a perfect opportunity to make fun of him for smiling like that after eating Meiko’s new dessert.”

“Ok, it is rare to see Akito smile like that.” he recalled the time he smiled when he bought him pancakes after the wedding event back during the summer. It was the widest smile he saw from his face.

“I agree.” Kohane nodded enthusiastically as if Akito’s large smile was a rare pet of her’s.

“See! It’s too perfect not to joke around with him after a smile like that!”

“You still caused it though.”

“An, that doesn’t help out your argument. If anything it makes you sound more guilty.”

“Kohane! Where did my innocent Hamster learn this attitude from, was it from Akito?” she jumped onto Kohane, rubbing her cheeks to her partner.

“An, stop it! This is embarrassing!”

When An saw Akito walk by the front gate with Mizuki, she thought it was going to be another regular day. She waved her hand at them both.

“Lil Bro, why are you so cold towards me today? Did I do something wrong?” they put on some crocodile tears while rubbing their eyes. He was silent and his eyes looked like they were going to shut down any second like he was awake for two days straight.

“Hey Akito, Toya’s busy with his library committee work right now, looks like you’re going to be stuck with Mizuki for another thirty minutes!” she waited for him to say something like ‘Dammit, I don’t wanna deal with Akiyama! I already have to deal with you!’ or ‘An, I’m going to throw a tomato at your face one of these days.’ Just like Mizuki, she enjoyed teasing Akito to pass the time when there was nothing else to do. How she wished that today was normal.

“Hey Lil Bro, you could at least-” their voice was immediately cut off as his body impacted the sandy, hard floor like he was a corpse. The left side of his head then landed immediately after.

“A-Akito!” An dropped all of her stuff immediately, she could get detention or whatever for dropping the hall monitor papers, but her friend is more important right now. She immediately ran towards him, her eyes dilated as if she witnessed someone shooting Akito and his body falling down. She rushed down towards him, gently picking him up.

“Akito! Can you hear me!?” no response. “If this is a prank then you got me real good, so you could stop pretending!” she noticed the left side of his head slightly bleeding from the impact of his fall. Pieces of sand and dirt were stuck on it, an unsightly sight.

A crowd was starting to form, it was inevitable, someone collapsed at the entrance and people were curious who was screaming.

“Mizuki!” she cried out their name. They just stared at the collapsed boy’s head like they were in a trance. One second they were making fun of him and now that mood was gone. “MIZUKI!” An screamed as loud as she could.

“Wha-what?” they finally responded for what felt like a slow-motion movie.

“Call an ambulance! Hurry! His fever’s bad, really really bad!” they noticed her hands were on his forehead and he was shivering like he was naked in the Antarctic. 

“Ye-yeah!” they pulled out their phone and started calling emergency services.

Inside the school building, Toya was busy carrying some books since it was his duty. He always arrived early just in case the library committee was behind in work.

“Hey Aoyagi, do you hear that?” his fellow committee worker asked him.

They both stared outside a window and saw a bunch of students gathering by the front gate.

“What’s going on? What’s Shiraishi doing?” Toya asked out loud, but he would regret what he asked. He saw An and Mizuki by Akito, and he was on the floor shaking.

“Isn’t that your friend? Why’s he on the floor shaking? Is… is he having a seizure?!” Toya stared out the window and saw his partner shaking on An’s arm, Mizuki on the phone. Toya's heart shattered. If that really was happening, then he needed to be there to help his friend.

“I’m sorry! I’ll make it up to you I promise!” Toya dropped the books he was helping on the floor as he opened the window. He stared down and to him it looked like he was on top of a skyscraper. He gulped loudly.

“Wh-what are you doing!?”

“AKITO!” Toya yelled out loud, he jumped out the window. He was afraid of heights, he hated staring outside of windows, but he already failed Akito once. If he let his fear fail his partner, then he would never forgive himself for being passive again. He was passive when Arata humiliated him. He’d rather let someone waterboard him than let that happen again. Luckily for him he jumped out of the first floor (or second floor depending on who you ask) window so the fall wasn’t dangerous. It was still high enough for him to land on his shoulders, rolling. It wasn’t the prettiest landing and he was covered in dirt, but his appearance was the last thing on his mind. He got up and ran and he nearly tripped.

“Toya! Where’d you come-”

“What’s wrong with Akito!?” Toya shouted at the top of his lungs, ignoring the small crowd. He wished someone there did something. All they did was watch as someone was on the floor. 

“He has a really, really, really bad fever! His head’s also bleeding a little and he’s shivering like it’s winter! Mizuki, when’s the ambulance coming!?” 

“S-soon! They said they’ll be here within ten minutes!” they responded with panic in their voice, a panic that was rare to hear from their voice..

“Ten minutes isn’t fast enough! They need to get here sooner!” Toya took off his student jacket and wrapped it around Akito. It didn’t provide much heat but it’s better than nothing, his face was pale.

“Alright! Shiraishi, what's with this crowd?” a teacher came in to check up on the ruckus, it was the teacher that advised the football club. He and Akito got along fairly well since he helps out the team fairly often despite not being in the club. He was about to say something but he was immediately cut off.

“Akito collapsed and an ambulance is on the way right now! Could you get a blanket or something?! Anything please! He needs it now!” An immediately answered him before he spoke another word, her talented voice immediately caused the teacher to listen as if she was a siren.

“Al-Alright! Everybody else get your asses inside, none of you are helping and you’re going to be blocking the paramedics! If I catch any of you staring or taking a video, you’re going to be in deep shit!” he ran off instantly back inside. The useless students slowly started walking inside the school, many of them still staring at Akito’s body like it was a crime scene. An looked at everyone that was in the crowd that finally was walking. She memorized nearly every single one of their names or faces since she was always at the front gate since it was her duty.

“I swear, all of you are going to be written down…” she whispered to herself as if she was casting a curse upon them all. Her eyes looked like she wanted to kill them all.

“Akito, hang in there!” there was no point in responding to an unconscious person, Toya knew that, but he wanted to believe that he was still awake. Maybe his voice could help him like in those movies or comics Akito read from time to time.

“It’s not much but I have a few clean tissues!” Mizuki took out a small plastic wrapper from their bag. “It’s not much but it could at least help clean up the wound on his head! It’s not rough either so it shouldn’t irritate it!”

“Thanks!” Toya snatched it immediately and began dabbing it on his partner’s wound. His shivering did not help make it easy; every time he shook a little bit of blood started pouring out and the shivering got more and more intense.

“I got a blanket, it was the only one we could spare! How’s Shinonome?” the previous teacher came back outside running like the school was on fire.

“Worse and worse.” the three students carefully wrapped it around Akito, tightly enough so his body heat would be trapped, but not tight enough that he couldn’t move or breathe.

“His fever’s getting worse!” An cried out, to say she was terrified would be an understatement. He was perfectly fine the previous day, they all took the day off to rest but it looked like Akito’s been pushing himself for days.

“You three go back inside, I’ll be sure to stay with him until the ambulance arrives. I’ll make sure to tell you where he’s at. If I could, I’d let you three take the day off to visit him but school rules won’t allow that and it'll be exam time soon, sorry.”

“But-”

“If exams weren’t coming up I’d turn a blind eye and let you go, but they’re important for your future.” they all saw him grit his teeth muttering something to himself, what he said nobody knew. “Aoyagi don’t worry about your uniform for today, I’ll make sure the others know why you look like that.”

“Please let us know where he’ll be.”

“I know, I will, that’s a promise. You kids get inside otherwise the other students might cause another scene. Akiyama, if it's not too much trouble could you call his sister later and let her know what happened, I’ll contact his father once I get the chance..”

They all nodded and weakly let the teacher handle Akito for now. 

All they could do is wait.

“Come on, he’ll be fine! Lil Bro is tougher than that, he wouldn’t let a fever beat him. He’s too stubborn to let something as minor as that keep him down.” they tried to lighten the mood even though they were panicking secretly deep inside.

“Mizuki, he walked here from his house. The fact that he did meant he was pushing himself. He’s lucky he didn’t pass out in front of a car or something. If he stayed  home, his fever might’ve been less severe.” An pointed that out to her friend.

“He’s not going to like what happened to him. A fever that high will take days to recover from.”

“Wait, then that means he’ll have to miss-” 

“We’ll have to withdraw from Friday’s match.” his voice deepened. “I won’t let him ruin his health for a single match. One of us singing twice in a row is too risky right now.”

“Sorry, I don’t want to sound nosy but it’s just one match right? It’s not like it’ll be the last one you’ll have.”

“Akito’s not going to take that news well. He will blame himself, he’s the type of dumbass to take his own failures to his grave.” 

“But it’s not like he wanted to get sick on purpose to cause your team to withdraw.” 

“Intentionally or not, he will beat himself over this. It’s going to be that Arata situation all over again…”

“Like brother, like sister.” Mizuki pondered out loud, he reminded them of Ena too much. They both take their passions too seriously.

“It should’ve been me, I should’ve been the one sick instead of my own partner! Why is it always him?! It’s not fair to him!” he banged the side of his fists on a locker.

“Toya…”

“He’s lucky to have friends like you two. He wouldn’t be so hard on himself if he wasn’t proud of you all. I just wish he’d learn to take it easy like Ena.”

“You don’t know how much I think about that everyday. Having him as a partner is not easy.”

“I don’t know how you manage. Maybe Kohane could convince him or something. She always has good ideas.”

“I agree. I’ll talk to you all later, I have to continue my library duties. I’ll see you two later.” Toya walked off, his hands clenched.

“I have to go back to the front gate soon. Bye Mizuki.”

“Bye you two! Don’t have too much fun without me!” they yelled out. They were alone. “I don’t know how I’m going to break the news to Ena…”

That afternoon during lunch, Ena and Kohane received the news.

Kohane, as predicted from An, worried tremendously about her friend’s condition. When she heard the news, she startled her other friends that were eating lunch with her. Tonight’s practice for them was obviously canceled, but she knew Akito wouldn’t take no for an answer. Kohane wished she was more like her orange-haired friend, he’s the second least experienced in music in the group yet he’s always working on it in some shape or form unlike her. She was the mastermind that gave the idea of finding a temporary sub until Thursday. It was a compromise that he couldn’t argue against.

As for Ena, when she first received the phone call, she nearly threw it across the wall. Her bed was her kingdom where nobody (except Akito) would wake her up, yet there was Mizuki being annoying, calling her. It was rare for her to receive a phone call this early (aka noon) so despite her head saying no, her hands picked up the phone. 

“Hel-Hello?” she slurred her words while drool dripped down her mouth like she had a hangover.

“Ena, um…” Mizuki hesitated. “You’re awake right?”

“I am now no thanks to you. Mizuki, I was having a good dream, if you’re calling about something stupid then I’m hang-”

“DON’T HANG UP ENA, NOT NOW!” Mizuki instantly cut her off, panic in their voice.

Ena’s eyes widened (and more awake), her friend rarely raised their voice.

“Ena, I need you to stay calm, it’s about your brother.” Ena was now curious and worried. Mizuki never said that about Akito, they’d always refer to him as Lil Bro. “Your brother’s life is not in danger, but he’s in the hospital.”

Ena jolted out of bed as if somebody splashed her with cold water then hitting her with a stun gun.

“What happened to Akito!? Did he get into an accident or something!?” adrenaline was pumping throughout her body like it never had before, eyes wide awake like she drank several energy drinks.

“He collapsed in front of the school with a terrible fever. I don’t know how he managed to walk there from your house in that condition. From what the teacher said, he got an infection that’ll last for a couple of days. He’ll be fine but he’ll be discharged Friday morning.”

“Why the hell didn’t you call me sooner then!? Send me the address now!” she put the phone down on speaker and she got out of bed like she was late to a meeting, she rushed to her closet taking out whatever she could comfortably run in. She threw her clothes in a rough manner for the first time in years, an act that she would never do.

“Ena, I know you’re worried but you have to stay calm right now. He’s going to be fine, your brother is the toughest guy I know.”

“That doesn’t matter! Last time he got a fever like this he almost fell into a coma! I’m not going to be sitting on my ass again like last time! So don’t tell me to stay calm Mizuki! Just shut up and send me the address now!” 

“I’ll send it but I’m not sure if you could visit him right now though.”

“I don’t care! I’m his big sister, I’m his family! I probably have priority to visit him or something! Even if they won’t let me, I’ll break into his room if I have to! I swear to whatever god or demon there is, I’m going to visit his room today even if it means selling my soul to the devil himself!” she finished dressing and grabbed everything and ran out of the house without even brushing her teeth or washing her face. 

She got the address soon after and she ran like she never had. Lately she noticed how Akito was coming home later than he usually does, but not too late. 

He barely made a noise and she didn’t hear him complain about anything. She would never openly admit it, but she sometimes forgets to do the chores around the house which annoys the hell out of her brother. She forgot to do the dishes the night before, but he did not say a single word and just did it himself. She didn’t even notice the dishes were clean until she remembered, he didn’t even hint at the fact that he did it. He just kept to himself even more than usual. He never talks about himself to her, in fact, she doesn’t know what he does that often. All she knows is that he works and he goes out to sing. Other than that, she doesn’t know anything else about him. His personal life was a mystery to her.

When she arrived, she dashed towards the lady at the front desk demanding to know where her little brother was at. She was so tired that the lady didn’t understand her, so it took a minute for her to speak properly. She was told that her brother’s life was not in danger but most likely got an infection from stress and overwork, causing his immune system to weaken temporarily. She was allowed to visit, but the nurses had to often change his sheets due to his body sweating from his fever. When she entered the room, she felt like she had twenty textbooks fall off her back.

“Akito…” she sat down and weakly stared at his shivering body that was in a fetal position, he was covered in sheets like the time they were both playing forts with the  couch and pillows. She hasn't watched over him like this in years. When was the last time he showed weakness like this? She doesn’t remember, he doesn’t talk about himself. “I should’ve been awake to notice you. Just like when we were kids, I wasn’t there when you got this sick. But I’m here now, so please get better.” she dragged one of his hands to her cheeks, wet from her eyes. His hands felt like they were in ice, constantly shaking and pale. “I wish I knew what you were thinking, so I could help you. Tell me what you’re thinking, I can’t understand you if you don’t tell me.”

…

Yet that Thursday when she asked him if he was alright, she regretted asking. She regretted worrying about him. She regretted visiting him. 

“My face pisses him off is that it huh. So I’m the reason why he’s so depressed and moody. Well you’ll get your wish.” she dashed past Mizuki, eyes red from holding back tears and resisting the urge to punch his throat.

“Hey Ena! Where are you going?” they stared at the door Akito was in, but they turned to Ena and ran towards her. 

“Away from him!” she shouted as she left the hospital, her feet stomping the ground as if she was stepping on ants.
“What, why? What happened?!”

“Wasting my precious time on him! Come on Mizuki, let’s work on our music!”

“Ena! That doesn’t tell me anything, did you two have another fight?”

“Well he wants me out of his life so that’s what he’ll get! Because I’m the reason he's been acting like shit lately!”

“Wait, he said that? That doesn’t sound like him.”

“Well that’s what he said! My face pisses him off, my existence is the reason why he’s so shit! I’m part of his problems even though I didn’t even do anything to him! He wants me to leave him alone so that’s what that jackass will get! He could be miserable being all alone for all I care!”

“Ena come on, you don’t really mean that do you?”

“I DO MEAN THAT!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, that got some people to take a quick glance at her. “The one time I want to act like the big sister and he blows off on me like I’m the reason his life sucks! The first time in my life I ask him to open up and he acts like I caused him to be miserable! What a shitty, ungrateful brother! I don’t know why I’m stuck with someone like him! Why can’t I have someone else as a brother or sister, like Toya or An?! I’d rather have a robot than him!”

“Ena, calm down! Maybe he didn’t mean it, maybe he’s just overwhelmed!”

“He does mean it Mizuki! He’s the type of shit that never lies and always says what’s on his mind! He never talks about himself, so if he said that then it must be true! Come on, go back to his room and ask him what I said was true! Go back and ask him if I’m part of his problem and ask him if my face pisses him off!”

“Ena, maybe there’s more to the story. Maybe if we go back he could tell us what’s going on.”

“What’s wrong?! Don’t tell me you think I’m lying!?”

“Ena, that’s not what I said.”

“Then why aren’t you going back to ask him if I’m right then?!”

Mizuki didn’t say anything. They could go back and help Akito or stay and help Ena. They didn’t know who to pick, Akito’s in no condition to do anything but he apparently hurt Ena. They had never seen Ena this furious about Akito before. She’d just complain like she always did whenever they talked over Nightcord, but this was a first.

“Ena, let’s just go and eat some cheesecake or something. You need to calm down.”

“Whatever, anything away from that ungrateful shit!” she walked away faster, the hospital was far behind her now. Akito was far, far behind her.

“Ena…” they didn’t know what to do. Comfort her friend that’s at the hospital or comfort her friend that’s been hurt. But they’ve known Ena far longer than her brother but Ena has a bad habit of overreacting when it comes to her brother. Whoever they helped, the other would feel alone or betrayed. 

“I’m going to eat lunch in a bit, because of him I missed out on breakfast.”

“Let’s eat a burger, then afterwards we could eat some cake. Will that cheer you up?” it hurt to see Ena talk about her brother like that. Her brother was not the type of person to hurt her like this. They thought maybe his sickness caused him to be delirious, that happens to people all the time.

“Maybe, we’ll see. First I want to go to our Sekai. Alone.”

“Ena, you sure? You’re not going to do something stupid are you?”

“I’m sure. And what do you mean I’m going to do something stupid? Whatever, I’ll meet you in like twenty minutes.”

“If you say so, just… just be calm alright?” they saw Ena walk to an empty alley on Main Street and just like that she disappeared within a blink of an eye.

She hummed a few parts of the group’s song that allowed to travel to the Empty Sekai.

“Hi Ena.” she turned and saw Rin walk towards her.

“Hi Rin! I won’t be staying for too long unfortunately, I just wanted to be here away from people.”

“Did something happen?” she saw her face change immediately, it was the first time she saw Ena make that face. To Rin, she looked like Meiko right now but a lot scarier; eyes squinting as her eyebrows looked like they were going to dig into her eyes.

“Yes, something did happen Rin! You wouldn’t believe what my so-called brother said to me! That ungrateful bastard!”

Rin flinched at her sudden burst, the other Virtual Singers’ eyes widened from her attitude. This was the first they all saw someone act like this, everyone there was usually passive. Ena was the most expressive out of the entire group, but here she was being more expressive than usual.

“That piece of shit blames me for making him angry when I don’t even do anything to him! Can you believe that? Can you imagine your own brother blaming you for his own suffering? I go out of my way to help him and that’s the thanks he gave me!” she repeated what she said to Mizuki like a record.

Rin looked away from her, she didn’t know what that was like at all. Len didn’t manifest himself in this Sekai yet. She didn’t know if he’d be like her, if he’d be like Mafuyu, or if he’d be like Ena. Heck, there’s even a possibility that he might not even exist at all. She hoped that wasn’t true and Len would appear soon.

She believed what Ena was saying, but she just met her brother earlier that day. He was acting completely different from what Ena was saying. He looked like Mafuyu but at the same time he didn’t. There was something about Akito specifically that bothered her, but she didn’t know how to explain it or what it was. Maybe it’s because she’s the only one in the Virtual Singers with a twin that she had that indescribable feeling. Her heart ached when she saw Akito, it ached when she heard Ena talk about him like that.

“Ena, what else did he do to you?” Meiko politely asked, her usual expression returned.

“I don’t know, I left him alone since that’s what he wanted! God, sometimes I wish he was never born!” 

“Ena, I know you’re angry but isn’t that a little harsh?” Luka lost her usual smile, arms crossed.

“Oh so it’s alright for him to be harsh at me?!”

“That’s not what I meant.”

She took a deep breath and sighed.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just venting. Sorry.”

“Ena, about Akito…”

“Sorry Miku, but I’m done with him. I don’t want to talk about him.”

“But-”

“No buts! Talking about him will only make things worse!”

All of the Virtual Singers had the same thought, they wanted to tell her about Akito, about how he’s now technically a resident there also. They wanted to tell her but the timing wouldn't be right, if they told her now then it would just infuriate her even more.

“Anything else?” Meiko continued on.

“I just wanna see if it’s fine if I could sleep over here for a while.”

“That is fine, you are more than welcome to sleep here if you want but it might be uncomfortable here.” 

“That’s fine Miku, besides I always wanted to try sleeping here.”

“I’ll make sure Luka here won’t bother you.” Meiko glanced over at Luka who just gave a smile back.

The days went by quickly for her. The next day when Akito called her, she was working on new art for her group at her Sekai.

“No, the shading is too strong. It needs to be a bit weaker. The foreground needs  to be more clear since it’s simple. Maybe if I-”

She was on a good streak, but the sound of her phone ringing cut off her train of thought.

“Fucking, who the hell’s calling me?!” she looked at the caller’s name, her brother was interfering with her work. She instantly pressed the end button on her smartphone to resume her work. “Where was I? Ah, yeah. If I blur the background a bit, then the foreground would be more prominent. If I limited myself to mainly just white then-”

Then her phone rang again. It was Akito, bothering her again. Hearing him just reminded her of her shitty dad. Like father like son, they’re both unsupportive of her work.

“FUCK OFF! You’re ruining my work, I need my train of thought!” she ended the call and proceeded to block him. She’s too focused on her art to care about her brother’s problems. He already wasted enough of her time, she didn’t need someone useless to interfere. “Dammit, I forgot what I was going to do. Fucking thanks you prick.”

She pressed pause on her phone and she was in a different room, away from Akito.

She slept at Kanade’s house for a bit and then at her Sekai again. She wasn’t at home so he must be happy, he didn’t have to see her face. He was fine without her, that’s essentially what he said. There’s no point in being in the same house as him right now. He didn’t help her with art, all he does is bring down her mood.

Deep down maybe she was overreacting, maybe she was prying into business that wasn’t her’s, but he didn’t have to say those mean things to her. Sure she bosses him around a lot, but that wasn’t enough reason  to cause him to be that angry at her. He’s the one at fault, she didn’t do anything to him.

Besides, worst case scenario after a week or two everything will be back to normal. It always happens, one of them gets angry at the other for a bit then things somehow turn back to normal.

How she wished this was one of their normal fights.

That Friday afternoon on November 11th, she was hanging out with Airi for a bit at her request. They each wanted the other’s feedback on clothes and it was a while since they both talked in person. They met at the shopping mall near Ena’s school so that once they were done, she could go to her night classes.

“Yo Ena! It’s been a while!” Airi gave her usual bright smile, showing her little fang. She was wearing sunglasses and a hat to hide her identity.

“Airi! How’ve you been lately? You have no idea how badly I wanted to go shopping for clothes!”

“Oh? Have you been getting taller? Or maybe you’ve been getting bigger somewhere else?” 

“Hey, I have been exercising!”

“Ena, getting up and stretching is not enough…”

“I’ve been dieting too!”

“Dieting for a week does not count.”

“I eat my vegetables!”

“Even the carrots?”

“I’d rather wake up at seven in the morning than eat those.”

“You could always join our group. We exercise and train nearly everyday. That’ll keep you fit, not to mention you could take some good photos!”

“But that means I’d have to wake up early in the mornings!”

Airi just gave her a deadpan stare.

“You could always not eat pancakes and cheesecakes.”

“Hell would freeze before I stop eating those.”

“If you’re so worried about your weight, you really need to get out of bed more often. To want something, you have to sacrifice some of your time.”

“I’ll… I’ll start tomorrow! Today I just want to have a good time with you!”

“Tomorrow… Ena…” Airi whispered to herself. Her voice weakened, Ena had no clue what tomorrow was, it was an important day. It was a day her little brother despised, something she didn’t know.

“Come on Airi! We’re wasting time!” she grabbed her arm and dragged her inside. If only she could use this energy to fix her sleeping schedule.

“No need to drag me around! I’m not a kid!”

“Well there’s this seasonal pancake I’ve been hearing about for a while and I want to try it! They might sell out so we gotta hurry!”

“Ena, why are you only this physically active when it comes to sweets?” Airi wondered about her friend’s health.

Ena dragged her friend all over the mall, first they went to the first pancake place she talked about. They were just lucky since they were limited and there were only five orders left. It was fluffy pancakes with fresh grapes, pineapples, and cranberries with butter, whipped cream, and syrup. Ena took many photos of it, capturing every angle as if she were a photographer. It looked and smelled pretty, it was such a simple design but it captured the eyes rather quickly. If Akito were here, he’d be complaining about how long it was taking her to take photos. If Akito were here, he would love to eat this with them, Ena was the one that introduced him to pancakes when he was young.

After that, they went around the mall window shopping for clothes that were within their budget and whatever looked nice. Jackets right now were fashionable so they both looked at ones that were for winter. Ena looked around for ones that were light but warm. In the end, she chose a light gray down jacket with a fleece hat attached to it. Airi chose those fancy looking long jackets you’d see a woman wear in those Hollywood movies. It was beige and it ran down a little below her knees.

“Man, I wish we could continue shopping and do this more often. Ugh, why can’t classes be canceled today…” Ena complained as she carried her school bag and wore her new jacket.

“We could do this more often if you decide to fix your sleep schedule.”

“You could always change your sleep schedule so it could match mine.” Ena gave an awkward smile.

“Riiiight. Let me just disregard my own idol work just for you.”

“What’s more important, me or your work?” 

“Yes.”

“Yes?! What do you mean yes?! You’re supposed to say me in this situation!”

“You were never great with those kinds of jokes, Ena.”

“Well sorrryyyyy.” she stuck her tongue out at her like a child. Was she really the older sibling?

Airi just returned an awkward and weak laugh.

“I wish Akito-kun was here, carrying this isn’t easy.” the worst part about the jacket she bought was that it was in a large bag which was a little annoying and awkward to carry. She deliberately mentioned her little brother out loud to see her reaction, she promised him that she’d help mend things. She noticed Ena didn’t say anything back and walked slightly faster. “Ena, you alright?”

“Yeah I am, why wouldn’t I be? I have class soon so I have to hurry.” she hastily defended herself.

“Ena, you still have over an hour. You could easily go home and go to class with time to spare. And besides, I never asked why you were in a rush.” Airi quickly pointed that out, Ena realized that was true.

“It’s just getting colder and I want to be inside already.”

“Ena.” Airi’s voice became more firm, more assertive. That happy-go-lucky tone was gone and she was already sick of Ena deflecting the question.

“What?”

“Usually you’d ask him to help us carry the bags yet you didn’t. Care to explain to me your side of the story?”

“Not you too Airi.” she looked her in the eye. She was dead serious, she wasn’t going to budge. “Fine. He said some things that pissed me off so I don’t want to talk with him. There, you happy now?”

“I’m not going to ask what he said to you, but I know for a fact that whatever he said, he didn’t mean it. I haven’t talked to him much, but your brother is not like that at all. If he didn’t care then why would he still do all those errands for you?”

“Airi, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“If you don’t talk about it now, then when? When was the last time you talked to him?” she recalled Akito’s face that day when she visited him at the hospital. When she heard the news from Minori (who got the news from Kohane) that he was sent to the hospital room, she panicked. Akito was like a little brother to her, and the face he made after he said that he hurt Ena, it was a face she never wanted to see on him ever again. Despite the fact they don’t talk or meet much, it was a face that she knew he rarely, if ever, made. He looked so vulnerable, so regretful. She saw his head sway and his face red while laying in his bed. He looked like he wanted to die, she saw him put on his fake attitude which she saw through easily. It was the first time she saw him like that.

“It’s none of your business.” Ena mumbled, turning her eyes away.

“It IS my business Ena, you’re my friend and so is Akito-kun. Even if it wasn’t my business, then I’d make it my business.” her voice was commanding, authoritative, like she was a war general. 

“Likeaweek.” she rapidly answered hoping she wouldn’t understand.

“So you’ve been ignoring him for a week? Really Ena? Have you thought about it from his perspective?” she frowned, disappointed at her friend for treating her brother like that.

“He said my face pissed him off so I left him alone like he wanted! I’m apparently part of the problem, so I gave him what he wanted! I got off his ass like he said he wanted me to!” Ena shouted, her face turning red.

“So that’s what he regretted saying...” Airi whispered to herself.

“So are you done playing detective yet?”

“You still haven’t answered the last part of my question. Have you thought about it from his perspective? I’m not saying what he said was right, you have every right to be angry at him for saying that, but don’t you think he’d feel guilty about it?”

“No…” she weakly and tiredly responded.

“Then at least try thinking about it, without your bias. Try to remember the last time he was the one angry at you and he was the one ignoring you.” her frown was gone, instead she gave a somber look to her friend. She didn’t know what it was like to have a little brother but she knew what it was like to be the younger sibling. She had plenty of fights with her sisters, some they started and some she started. And in the end, whoever started the fight, everybody was hurt.

Ena did as she was told to.

She closed her eyes and thought about the last time he was the one angry at her. There was the time she dragged him to shop for an entire day with Mizuki. But Akito was more annoyed than angry, things went back to normal when she bought him cake that day. There was the time she scratched him until he bled, but he still talked to her after a day or two. There was the time he… no, he wasn’t really angry at her for that.

She didn’t really give him a chance to apologize did she? Maybe that’s what the phone call was about. She opened her eyes, her face mirroring the somber look her face was giving.

“I visited Akito-kun last week, you know.”

“Eh?”

“He genuinely looked like he regretted snapping at you, he even asked me to cheer you up.”

“You’re joking right? Akito asking you to do that?” she stared at her as if she had multiple heads.

“If I’m joking, then I’ll give up singing forever.”

“So he really said that.”

“You know what was the final thing he said?”

“What was it?”

“I asked him if he was doing anything special next week. He said no, he said that it was going to be the same old routine. This is that week you know, and tomorrow is supposed to be special.”

“What’s special about tomorrow?”

“ENA, REALLY!? YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT!?” this time Airi snapped at her, her eyes red like that time she found out Shizuku’s old group were gossiping behind her back. To say she was disappointed at her friend would be a massive understatement.

“Wh-what?” she jumped back, it was the first time she saw Airi yell at her.

“Tomorrow is his birthday!”

“Wait, it is?”

“November 12th, Ena! How the hell do you forget your own little brother’s birthday!?” she smacked her own face with her palm, dropping her bag and rubbing her eyes baffled at the fact that her friend forgot something that important. Her veins were pulsating and she wanted to slap her for forgetting something like that. How she resisted that urge, even she couldn't tell you how.

Ena quickly checked her phone to look at the calendar.

November 11th.

“Oh… it really is his birthday tomorrow.”

“Ena, I really can’t believe you. This is the lowest you’ve treated him. And you wonder why he gives you attitude from time to time.”

“Our family never made a big deal about birthdays, we haven't had a birthday party in over ten years. Akito never talks about his birthday either, so he probably forgot his own birthday also.”

“I swear, how are you two alike when it comes to things like this? Even he forgot his own birthday. Ena, just hurry and apologize when you go home.”

“Why do I have to be the one to apologize?”

“You’re the older sister! Be the mature one for once! How do you think it feels when your only sibling ignores you for a week and then forgets your birthday? You’re his only sister! He cares about you a lot more than you can possibly imagine! I’ll bet my entire idol career that he remembers your birthday!”

“I-”

“Ena, please. You have your own problems and he has his own problems. Fix it before it’s too late.” her eyes watery, grabbing both of Ena’s hands. “He has been supporting you more than you think, but when was the last time he asked for your support?.” she recalled that time in Junior High she went to Akito about Ena’s troubles with her dad. It was one of the rare times she saw him being so serious about his sister.

“Geez, you sound more like his big sister than I am.” she looked away from her eyes. She’s been acting immature for the past week, treating her brother like literally nothing. It’s going to take a lot more than apologies and cakes to make it up for him.

“Maybe in another life he would be my little brother.” she returned a small, but gentle smile at the thought.

“Akito would probably be happier if you were his big sister.” she thought to herself, belittling her own competency.

“I was not expecting to end our time together on a note like this, sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re right. I was-I am being immature. Some sister I am.”

With that, they said their goodbyes. Ena’s class was starting soon, but she didn’t want to go home just yet. She walked towards her school carrying heavy thoughts. Airi was right, Akito was always the one supporting her. He always did her inconvenient tasks of going to the convenient store to get ice-cream or something even after complaining that he didn’t want to. He was there to wake her up in the mornings. He was there for her when their dad was belittling her art. He was there for her when she needed to vent about her day. He was still there even when she threw things at him, when she scratched his face off, drawing blood, he was always there.

She wished her night classes would finish faster. Every second felt like minutes, her heart beating rapidly wanting to rush home. She wondered how he felt, but wondering wouldn’t help. He never talked about what was on his mind, even as children when they got along he’d talk about anything but himself. That was one thing she hated about him. She couldn’t help him if he didn’t allow himself to open up but then again, with the way she treated him, why would he?

Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days. Today was easily the slowest day for her. Every other day it ended quickly, but of course when she needed to do something important and leave school, it would last forever. The longer she took home, the longer Akito would probably feel guilty about what he unintentionally meant. The longer it would mean for things to turn back to normal.

“I’m such an idiot.” she cursed herself.

She tapped her fingers on the desk weakly, hoping it would help pass the time.

It did not.

Every word the teachers said felt dragged out. They kept on saying obvious things when talking. They were wasting her time. She could lie and say she wasn’t feeling well, but she used that excuse a few times already and it was time for exams so she couldn’t afford to fail those otherwise it would mean less time to herself and her brother.

When it was finally time to leave, she was the first to dash out of the classroom, outrunning the teacher. It was the first time in a while she was this active. She nearly forgot again that tomorrow was his birthday. She thought about what to give him.

She thought and she drew a blank.

She knew he liked music but she didn’t know what CDs he owned or what he liked other than RAD WEEKEND.

He wouldn’t like posters or dolls. He wouldn’t like clothes. 

Even if he did accept whatever she gave him, it’d have no thought behind them. 

“What do I know about Akito…?” she stopped running and halted slowly, catching her breath.

Since she took night classes, they would hardly meet each other during the day during most weekdays. Whenever they did hang out, she would drag him to do whatever she wanted. She never asked him where he’d like to go. She just realized that. She never asked about what he’d like to do, only dragging him out whenever she needed him. Wherever she did drag him to, she’d take a long time to do what she wanted. She’d take her time, not asking how he felt.

No wonder he tries to avoid her whenever he can.

All she knew about him was that he likes music and likes sweets.

She didn’t know where exactly he worked. She didn’t know what his favorite genre of music was. She didn’t know where he practiced. She didn’t know where he performed. She didn’t know his friends that well but he knew hers. She didn’t know what his schedule was, she didn’t know when he was free. She didn’t know why he still did those things for her. She hasn't had the faintest clue of why Akito was acting differently for a while.

“I’m the worst.” she spat out loud to herself.

She walked towards a bakery and got a fancy cheesecake. It was a shitty present, but it was something, better than nothing. 

“I wonder what else you’ve been doing to help me?”

She entered inside her home.

“Akito! I’m home!” she said out loud. 

No reply.

Of course, why would there be a reply? Maybe he’s still out practicing or maybe he’s sleeping. Maybe he’s angry at her for ignoring him. If that was true, then she deserves it.

She walked toward the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. When she opened it, she saw an index card saying “Sorry” and right behind it was cheesecake, the same fancy kind she just bought for him.

“Heh, you and I really are alike.” she grabbed it along with a bottle of water and took a bite out of it. It tasted alright, it wasn’t fresh. That means he probably bought it and was in the fridge for a couple of days. Despite the lackluster taste, she finished it all. After all, it was a gift from her brother.

She went upstairs and proceeded to put the bagged cheesecake on the doorknob, just like how he would always do it for her.

And then things would turn back to normal.

After that long(?) fall, I woke up in front of another door. How many doors am I going to be seeing? And who said that to me? I got up and proceeded to open the door. It was bright and I closed my eyes instantly, like the sun was hitting my eyes when I was  walking.

When my eyes adjusted to the light, I opened it and found myself at home.

Am I home or is this still my Sekai?

“Hi honey, I’m home…” I weakly and jokingly said out loud, staring at the floor. It was pointless, every time I got home, nobody greeted me when I announced that I was home. Every time. I don’t know why I say that when I know I was going to be answered with silence. 

“Oh Akito, you’re home! Welcome!” that belonged to dad. What was he doing here? And why was he speaking so energetically?

“O-Oh. Hey dad.”

“Hey Akito! Dinner’s almost ready! Just wash up and help me out with something really quick!” That was Ena, why was she in the same room as dad? She hated breathing the same air as him.

“You have a long day today, champ?” I never heard dad talk to me like that.

“Y-Yeah.”

“Sorry to hear that. You could talk to us about it if you want. If not, we understand. Just know that we’ll always be here for you. Now hurry up and get washed up, you don’t want Ena dragging you to wash your hands and stuff right?” he laughed a little with an actual smile. This is literally the first time I saw him smile.

Oh.

I get it.

This is my Sekai then, or at least a part of it.

“Right, I’ll get right on it.” I walked towards the sink and washed my hands.

“Akito, you mind getting the plates? I’ll take care of the rest.” it was weird seeing Ena act like this. It honestly felt creepy.

“Sure.” I walked towards the cabinet and got three plates and set them aside at the dinner table.

I smell pork. I guess that’s what we’re having. I don’t remember the last time I was going to eat dinner like this. It felt like a dream, except I’m wide awake. I sat down on the table and I saw the two of them talking like normal. Like a normal, ideal father-daughter relationship. Like a normal family They weren’t arguing, they weren’t being awkward. They looked happy talking to each other.

“This is what you always wanted right?” 

I heard ‘me’ talk. The image before me froze like it was a video.

He’s right. I always wanted my dad… Ena’s dad to have a normal dinner with her. We usually ate dinner alone which sucks. Being alone sucks. It hurts and that’s how I always felt. No one to talk to, no one to share your food with. That’s how it always was at the Shinonome household.

“What’s wrong Akito?” everything resumed and dad questioned me. I think this is the first time I heard him say those words to me. 

“Wha?”

“You haven’t touched your plate. Did something happen at school or something?”

“If you’re being bullied, then I’ll deal with them!” Ena proudly proclaimed, cracking her knuckles, it’s as if she cared about me. Only in my dreams she’d care about me, which I guess is what my Sekai is.

“Nothing, just… thinking about stuff. I’m fine.” I’m fine. That’s what I always say, what I always tell myself. That’s a lie I tell myself, a lie that everyone believes.

I took a bite of the dinner we were having. I couldn’t taste anything. It reminds me of the time I burnt my tongue and I had a hard time tasting stuff for weeks, except this time it’s a lot worse. I wonder how Sekai gets food…

“We could lend you our ears.” dad said with a gentle smile.

“It’s fine.” the world before me froze once again.

“What’s wrong? This is what you always wanted right? A normal, happy family dinner.”

“Yeah, it’s what I wanted in the past but now it’s pointless. I don’t have a family. I don’t have a mom, I don’t have a dad, I don’t have a sister. I have no one that cares about me at home.”

“How selfish. Do you want to leave this place and see something else you selfish prick?”

“Might as well.” being with those two made me feel even more alone even though they’re right there. Even though they’re right there, they’re really not. This is all fake. I’d rather be alone than be with people that make me feel alone.

I feel him manifest right behind me. I feel his hands on my shoulders, then on my neck. If you’re going to strangle me then hurry up and do it. I don’t care whether I live or die. I don’t even react in the slightest, all I did was blink. I felt weak with him around, but that’s fine. I’ve been feeling weak for a while now, feeling weaker won’t change anything.

“Close your eyes and imagine something. Could be happy thoughts or something you’ve always wanted.” he commanded me.

How troublesome and tiring, I don’t want to think happy thoughts, I don’t deserve to be happy. I closed my eyes and thought about something else. The first thing that comes to my mind? I don’t know. 

I opened my eyes and another door appeared before me. I opened it and I entered.

I was outside, and there was a loud crowd. Wait… this is that Summer’s day where I saw RAD WEEKEND with Ena. That important day of my life.

I hear their music playing. It was the most important day of my life. Apparently An was here also. I wonder where she was during the performance. I wonder what would’ve happened if I met her and talked to her here? Would I have been her partner? It would’ve been nice to have a friend like her much sooner, but that’s stupid.

Because there’s no way she would have a troublesome, untalented, foul-mouthed guy like me as her partner.

I listened to the song play.

But I feel nothing.

It’s just as loud as I remember, but unlike back then, I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel like I gained a purpose in my life. I don’t find joy in this song as I used to. I don’t know if I think the music I hear sounds good anymore. I don’t feel like being here.

The truth is, I was about to quit singing. I was never good at it, just like football. I tried my best to be like RAD WEEKEND. When I told people that I wanted to surpass them, they all laughed at me. Every time I improved, someone else beat me. I saw other people that were just as talentless as I was, but I saw them all work much harder than I did. They all had support from their friends and family, which I didn’t have. I was about to quit until I met Toya. It was by random chance that I met him. When I saw him, he looked a little down while he was singing. I was about to walk away and quit singing, but instead I walked up to him and asked if he wanted to sing with an untalented loser like me. To my surprise he said yes. For the first time in my life I felt like I did something important, like I helped someone. That’s why I started singing, so that I could be a hero like RAD WEEKEND was to me. So I could help someone find their dreams, so that I could help someone live. Then that became a lie I told myself. But the thing is after that, I just wanted to be needed. That’s the reason why I went up to Toya that day, because he looked like he was having a bad day. I don’t want to be abandoned again like what Ena’s mom did, I don’t want to be lonely. But that doesn’t matter anymore, I’m no longer needed by anyone. I can’t catch my dreams, they’re too far away. No matter how hard I try, it gets further away. It gets further away just like my team, just like my adopted family. The more I try, the more it hurts me. The more I reach up, the harder I fall and the harder it is to get up. 

I then hear lyrics playing in the background, the world around me paused again. A different song was playing like I was in that theatre not too long ago when Cinema and Self-Inflicted Achromatic played. I hear piano and the violin.

“I count the things that I lost.

I cry at the dream I can't reach.

The bright days of boyhood are gone.

Dry reality pierces in front of my eyes.”

“Again with your selfishness. If this memory doesn’t make you happy, then what will?”

He’s right. 

If my younger self were here, he’d hate me.

He’d hate how lonely I’ve become.

He’d hate how pathetic I’ve become.

He’d hate how lost I’ve become.

He’d hate how I’ve given up.

He’d hate what he turned into.

“Tell me, what is it that you want? Say it out loud.”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“Disgusting. That’s not what you really feel nor the answer I was hoping to hear. Keep on searching through your worthless memories.”

I closed my eyes again and another door appeared.

What is a happy memory to me now? What is it that I want now? 

I don’t know. Maybe if I continue to live here, I can find my answer.

I wondered if anyone noticed that I disappeared.

I wondered who would care, but I doubt anyone would care though. The world’s probably a better place without me in it.

Chapter Text

At the Street Sekai it was a normal Thursday night for the entire Virtual Singer cast. Luka was off wandering around the streets looking for more secrets of the labyrinth. Kaito was giving Rin more DJ lessons and Meiko was at her cafe maintaining stock like usual. Len and Miku were off to practice singing.

“I can’t believe Rin went without me to Kaito’s lessons!” Len whined as he kicked a small pebble. His shoulders weak, hands in his pockets, and his head facing the floor.

“You were the one that overslept. It’s your fault you know.” Miku corrected him.

“I overslept because I was busy helping Rin last night! I even told her to wake me up if I was still sleeping! It’s not fair, she knew I wanted to take his lessons with her!”

“She did try to wake you, but you slept like a rock you know.”

“She should’ve tried harder, we’re partners! Partners are supposed to train together!

“Oh Len, you’re such a child. It’s not like that’ll be Kaito’s final lesson.” she stuck her tongue out at him, taunting him.

“I am not a child! I am an adult!” he hastily replied back while stomping his foot.

“An adult would have woken up much earlier, you know?”

“Even adults get tired you know! Look at Meiko! She’s tired after a long day of running the café!” Len immediately defended himself, trying to prove her wrong.

“She gets tired mainly because you and Rin fight all the time.”

“It’s not always my fault you know, Rin started at least half of those fights! Why are you never on my side?”

“I am on nobody's side. I just state facts, that’s being mature you know. It’s why I can drink black coffee without making a face.”

“Drinking that and stating facts are two completely different things.”

“Then why do you keep on trying to drink it black? Someone you’re trying to impress?” she quickly pointed out Len's habit with a large smirk on her face. He looked away, with a frustrated look on his face.

“Because… Because black coffee tastes better without sugar and stuff you know.”

“So then why do you keep on adding sugar and cream in the end then?”

Len stayed silent, frustrated that Miku was not cheering him up. She made him feel worse.

“Let’s just go, you said you’d practice with me.” 

“Of course, don’t want to see you being all mopey and alone at the café.” she gave a small giggle and continued walking ahead with a smile on her face.

“Just you wait! Once I’m mature and get taller than you, I’m going to make you eat your words! I’ll be the one treating you like a kid!” he yelled back.

“Suuuure you will Len, sure you will.” she grinned widely, teasing him was too fun not to do.

“You’re going to regret this! I’ll be even more mature than Meiko and I’ll be taller than Toya and I’ll be as strong as Akito!”

“Keep on dreaming big. Make sure to drink lots of milk and get plenty of sleep, you can't be taller than me if you don’t. So which song do you wanna practice? I was thinking of Daybreak Frontline as a starter, what do you think?” she waited for him to enthusiastically say yes. She wished she had his energy minus his immaturity. To her, Len was the one she always went to have fun and smile. 

Yet that answer didn’t come.

“Len?” she didn’t hear his footsteps and she turned around. Her eyes widened and her pupils dilated and to her horror, she saw him collapsed on the floor. Just a second ago he was loud and full of energy, but now he’s on the floor like he was a corpse. She sprinted towards him like she never had before. “Len! What’s wrong!? Answer me!” she lifted him up, checking to see if he was sick or something. His body was limp, almost like a corpse. He was breathing and there was no fever, but his face looked like he was having a nightmare; sweat was waterfalling down his head.

A sudden surge of pain hit Miku’s head like a needle was entering her brain. She clenched her head with her free hand, still holding onto Len with the other. Her head then ached like something was trying to exit out of her, like a baby dinosaur hatching out of its shell. 

“What the? What’s… no… it can’t be, someone’s feelings…” she tried her best to stay conscious, she had to tell the kids that something’s wrong. Her eyes felt heavy and trying to keep them open felt like a work out. “What’s going to happen…” she tried her best to call Toya using every bit of energy she could muster, but she shut her eyes and collapsed on top of Len.

That Friday, Toya and An noticed Akito didn’t come to school. He was perfectly fine the day before and for him not to mention he wasn’t coming was unusual. They wanted to talk to him about his birthday the next day. Everybody, including Ken, was excited to celebrate it. 

“You think he caught another cold?” An asked Toya while taking a bite of her lunch.

“It’s possible, he has been feeling down lately. You think something happened to him?”

“I wish I knew if something did, he never talks about himself.”

“Some partner I am.” Toya gripped his chopsticks harder as if he intended to break them.

“Come on, you know that’s not your fault. Akito’s the most stubborn person we know. Even if somehow the fault is yours, it’s also mine. We’re a team, so if one of us fails, we all fail. If only he wasn’t so stubborn then he’d realize that, like my performance not too long ago.”

“I’m willing to bet that he’s still thinking about that. You think he saw our performance with Tono?”

“I… I hope not. Even though we sounded great, it didn’t feel right without him on stage with us.”

“If he did, then he probably heard the crowd’s reaction. But I don’t think he had the strength to walk to Vivid Street though.”

“But remember last week? He had the strength to walk here while sick.”

“I shouldn’t have agreed to work with him. If Akito did see us perform, then that’ll explain why he was feeling down all week.” he sighed deeply.

“Again Toya, it’s not just your fault. Kohane and I agreed to it. Even if we didn’t, Akito would still feel guilty that we had to cancel our match. Still, I wish I could’ve punched his face at least once.”

“Never thought I would ever say it, but for once I agree with violence. I will never forgive him for insulting Akito back then.” during the short time he was helping them, he wanted to punch him every chance he could. He didn’t belong with the group, he was in Akito’s spot. It was like every time he smiled he was happy that he was in Akito’s spot, being his replacement. Of course, that was just a feeling he got so he couldn’t punch him for a reason like that. He wished he did something or pushed someone’s buttons so that he had a reason to punch his stupid face.

“Still, I am never going to agree to something like that ever again. Having him with us made me feel sick. When you said that guy was going to be our sub, I almost wanted to punch you. No offense though, that guy rubs me the wrong way.”

“None taken. Honestly I wish you punched me. It seems like every time he comes into our lives, Akito suffers and all I can do is watch and let it happen. I should’ve known better and held my ground and convinced Akito that he was a bad choice to sub for him.”

“Hey there you two! Whatcha talking about?” 

“Mizuki? You’re here?” An and Toya gave each other a quick glance at each other.

“It’s exam time so I have to be here if I wanna pass my classes. It’s a pain though. So, whatcha talking about?”

“Just about Akito’s birthday tomorrow.” An didn’t want to talk about the Arata situation with them.

“Wait, it’s his birthday tomorrow?” 

“Yes. Did Ena never tell you?” Toya asked, following An’s lead.

“No! Dammit Ena! You should’ve told me this! This stuff is important!” 

“Well it’s not like he talks about it. We only found out about his birthday because he accidentally let it slip and we all memorized it since then.” Toya didn’t remember how that conversation even started, but he was glad since he got to hear Akito talk about himself for once.

“We’d invite you and Ena but Akito would throw a fit if we did, since our usual spot is his safe haven away from Ena. Oh but we could all go to a restaurant afterwards though!”

Mizuki gave a weak smile at that thought. It would be fun for them all to be together and celebrate his birthday, but Ena was still angry at her brother. Everytime they or their Virtual Singers tried to mention him, she’d just deflect the conversation to something else. They haven’t seen him in a while, it’d be nice to see how he was doing. Maybe Ena could finally let it go and stop being angry at him, especially since it was going to be his birthday. 

“Is something wrong?” 

“O-Oh, no it’s nothing really.”

An noticed their reaction. They were thinking about something again, and just like Akito they wouldn’t tell anyone about their problems.

“What kind of restaurant do you think we should go to?” she asked them both.

“I’m fine with anything, just no squid please.”

“How about barbeque or pizza?” they suggested, those were foods associated with parties.

“That sounds nice, you think Ena would enjoy those?”

“Yeah, she’ll eat basically almost anything as long as it has no carrots.”

“Like brother, like sister. I wonder what present she’ll be getting him.”

Mizuki thought about that. Would Ena even bother trying to get him something special? It’s been about a week since he last saw her face and they didn’t even bother to try to cheer him up. They’re a terrible friend. 

“Mizuki, did something happen between them?” throughout the week An realized Akito didn’t complain about his sister once which never happened. He’d just go to class and prepare for exams with the help of Toya and Kohane at Weekend Garage and their Sekai. Not once did he mention his sister forcing him to do some menial task like picking up something at the convenient store.

They stared at them both, both pairs of eyes were fixated on them. They couldn’t keep this in any longer.

“Alright, I’ll spill. Remember last week with Lil Bro?”

“Of course, who could forget?” Toya recalled when he first laid eyes on him that morning. He felt like that was the last time he was going to see him. That was an experience none of them want to ever see again in their lives. None of them got sick that badly in their lives nor have they ever seen Akito that vulnerable, that weak.

“Ena visited him the next day and they got into a fight and ever since then she’s been avoiding his face. I tried to talk to her about it, but she didn’t want to listen nor talk about it.”

“That explains why he was acting so calm for the past week.” back on Monday, Akito was very quiet. He looked like he was going to sleep the entire day, even refusing to eat lunch. Even when they studied, he didn’t complain at all when they started. He only got loud when he couldn’t get a question right, most likely belittling himself for being so stupid. Hating himself that he’s disappointing Toya. The last time he studied, even Toya got annoyed at him.

“A week is a long time for her to ignore him. What did he do?”

“I… I don’t know if I should tell you. I’m not sure if it’s my business to tell you both.” they stared at them both. They could choose to keep quiet and let them wonder or they could talk about it for once. Was it their business to talk about it? They thought about it, both Ena and her little brother were their friends. They wanted to help them both, but that would mean choosing sides. Choosing one side means forfeiting the other. But Ena didn’t even bother to fix the problem. Akito’s friends were worried about him, so maybe it was right for them to say what happened… They were silent for far too long, doing nothing right now is the same thing as letting the fight go on.

“I respect the fact that you care about Ena’s business and privacy, but Akito’s business is also ours. He’s our friend, if something happens to him then it’s our business to intervene. He’s your friend too isn’t he?” Toya made a face they had never seen before. His face looked angry or annoyed, but at the same time it was gentle and calm.

“Alright, I’ll spill. I wasn’t there personally when the fight occurred but from what Ena told me, he said some mean things to her. From what she told me, he suddenly snapped at her and said that she’s part of his problem and that her face angers him. Ever since then, she’s been avoiding him. I’m not sure if she even went home that day.”

“That explains a lot. That explains his attitude and mood for the past several days.” An recalled on Tuesday morning that all he said to her was a simple greeting. No witty remark about her role as a hall monitor despite her grades or her forced smile.

“What was he like?” they hoped that they didn’t tell them too late.

“He was a bit more quiet than usual, he didn’t even bother to prove Shiraishi here wrong about another argument. ”

“Hey! You’re not wrong, but you didn’t have to say it like that. Still, for Akito to snap at Ena doesn’t sound like him. We’d always hear him complain about her but never anything to that extreme.”

“I’d always hear Ena complain about him, but it’s weird not hearing her complain about him. I just hope they can forgive each other already.” they recalled the first time Ena complained about him, she went on for hours complaining while they were smirking the entire time. Yet she’d always yell at him out loud to pick something up for her. There was the time she got angry at him for buying the slightly wrong item she wanted. He went out again to get the right one. They laughed for minutes at that. They wanted to meet him so badly since he was so entertaining with Ena around.

An was there finishing the last pieces of her lunch. Out of the three, she was the only one without a sibling. She remembered the time she tried to give advice to Toya about his dad, but her situation was completely different than his. She has a dad that supports her while Toya didn’t (although he seems to be slowly warming up) along with Akito’s. She wanted to say everything will be fine, but that’d just sound ignorant and insensitive coming from her mouth. He was there to help everyone, but she didn’t know how to help him.

“You think a week is long enough for things to turn back to normal?” she asked with a weak voice, concerned if she chose the right words.

“I hope so. I’ll ask Ena later tonight on Nightcord if she’s willing to go tomorrow. Hopefully she’ll say yes, if not then… I don’t know.”

Toya checked his phone to look at the time, only about fifteen minutes left until lunchtime was over.

“Sorry, I have to go, library duty.” Toya got up and left the two alone.

“Bye Toya, don’t have too much fun!” they both waved at him.

“Hey Mizuki…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think tomorrow will turn out ok and everything will turn back to normal?”

“I already said I hope it will.”

“That’s not what I meant. It’s just that, I feel like once they stop fighting I feel like we’ll treat them differently or something.”

“I…” they tried to find the proper words. “I wish I knew what normal was. That’s such a broad definition and it’s different for everyone. Only thing we could do is hope since they’re both so stubborn.”

“I really do hope things will turn out alright. I wish I knew where he lived so I could cheer him up.”

“If anything he might throw tomatoes at you like you’re some sort of demon. Lil Bro loves his privacy, he yells at Ena whenever she gets too loud in chat. Heck the other week he complained that she entered his room without knocking first.”

“That definitely sounds like him. I just wish I could read his mind since he doesn’t talk about himself.” 

“That makes two of us, it’d be useful for stubborn people like him and Ena.”

The next morning, Ken and An got up extra early to set up Weekend Garage for Akito’s birthday. Ken got up and made a special cake just for this occasion, Akito after all is one of his regulars. He reminded him of his younger days, but at the same time he wished the boy would relax and learn to take things slowly. He was happy that someone like him was in the same team as his daughter; the first one that took An’s dream seriously and wanted to help at the same time other than himself. 

“Slow down An, the store’s not opening for another hour, it’s not going anywhere.” she was dashing across the café-bar setting up (small) decorations.

“Sorry dad but I just want today to be a happy day. It has to be perfect, he’s been having a bad couple of weeks and seeing him all mopey and down annoys me!”

He just gave a smile at that remark she just made.

“If you’re that worried about him then why not just call him?”

“I tried last night but he didn’t pick up, either his phone is dead, he’s sleeping, or he just wants to be left alone. But I did message him that you wanted to give him something, so I know he’ll be here.”

“If only you put this much thought into your studies.”

“D-dad!” she nearly dropped the plates she was carrying.

“Haha, I know I know, I’m just messing with you.”

“Not funny dad! You know I’m trying my best!”

“I know, sorry sorry.” he let out another hearty laugh.

Just then, An’s phone rang.

“I’ll finish this call real quick.”

“There’s no rush, take your time.”

She ran off to the backroom and answered the call, it was Kohane.

“Kohane, what’s up?”

“An-chan! There’s an emergency! Ready Steady changed to Untitled and our Sekai is a mess!” Kohane’s usual gentle voice was loud, fast, and full of panic. Panic like the time she saw Akito pass out in front of her. She never heard her panic like this in her life.

“Wait what!? Hold on Kohane.” she checked her music list and scrolled down to where Ready Steady is- where Ready Steady was. It really was back to Untitled. “Kohane, when did you find out?!”

“Not too long ago, I wanted to visit Meiko-san real quick for Shinonome-kun’s birthday but I noticed that it changed! Please come here as soon as you can! Len-kun and the others aren’t feeling too good!”

“Alright I’ll be there soon, hang on tight, be sure to call Toya and Akito about this!” she hung up and rushed back to where her dad was.

“An what’s wrong? Did something happe-”

“Dad I’m sorry but I need to go, it’s important! I can’t tell you the details and I really don’t want to leave you to do everything but it’s important!” she took deep, heavy breaths as if she ran a marathon, she was fidgeting, anxious to hear her dad’s response.

“Don’t worry about me, just go and do whatever you need to do.” he saw the look her daughter had, it really was important. It was as if her life depended on it, that’s what his instincts were telling him. If he said no then he wouldn’t be supporting her.

“Thanksdadloveyoubye!” she ran to the backdoor and quickly played Untitled and she was wrapped in a warm veil of light.

When she opened her eyes, she was close to Crase Café, but it looked like a hurricane came and wrecked everything. The windows were destroyed as if someone threw a brick at it to break in. The chairs and tables were all over the place like there was a struggle, the sign itself looked like it was cut open.

“No… what happened here? Meiko!” she cried out loud, entering the once clean café.

Luckily the inside was in a much better shape than the outside, but there were still pieces of broken glass and wood on the floor. There she saw Kohane talking to Luka and Kaito. Both Virtual Singers looked like they had a few hours of sleep, both of their eye bags were black and they lacked the usual wide smile they usually wear.

“Hey An, how are you?” Luka waved at her but it lacked the usual energy she usually gave.

“Nevermind me, what happened here?! Where are the others?”

“An-chan, everyone else is asleep and Aoyagi-kun said that he’ll call Shinonome-kun for me.”

“They’re all sleeping at a time like this?”

“I know it sounds wrong, but we all passed out late Thursday night. The others haven’t woken up since. They’re all upstairs and most of the pain is gone now. All we can do is wait.” Kaito got up and walked behind the counter to check if there were any beverages to give the children.

“What made you all pass out?” An asked while supporting Kaito to prevent himself from pushing himself.

“Someone’s feelings have changed. Tremendously.” Luka painfully said out loud. 

“Feelings? But I thought this Sekai was done forming.” Kohane gave a cup of water to each adult. 

“This Sekai was formed and modeled by everyone’s feelings, and if one’s feelings change tremendously, it affects everything and everyone here. That’s why we all don’t look so well.” Kaito rubbed his eyes as if he had a few hours of sleep.

“Could it be Akito’s feelings then? He’s been feeling down lately whenever we saw him, but it didn’t look like his passion changed though.”

“That’s the thing about feelings though,” Kaito responded with an extremely rare tone of voice, it was deep and his face lacked his usual carefree, happy look. “people hide them.”

Everybody stared at the ground not knowing what to say next. Akito was-is the most secretive out of everyone there. It could just be his pride or his stubbornness, but he doesn’t let himself be vulnerable in front of anyone. He barely showed weakness in front of anyone.

An’s phone rang, interrupting the thought that everyone there was thinking but were too afraid to say out loud. She checked it and it was Toya calling.

“Toya, where are you? Didn’t Kohane call you?”

“Is Akito there with you!?” he shouted so loudly that everyone else heard his voice. She flinched backwards and turned it to speaker mode while lowering the volume.

“No, not yet anyways, what’s wrong?”

“Akito’s not answering his phone! I called him several times and it all went to voicemail and he’s not answering his text messages! It doesn’t look like he even opened them! There’s also no way he’s oversleeping or put his phone on silent either, he’s working today in a few hours!”

 Everyone’s eyes widened.

“I’ll try calling him, maybe he’ll answer me!” Kohane answered immediately, getting up and walking to a more secluded part of the cafe.

“I’ll try connecting to his phone!” Luka followed, closing her eyes.

“Toya, for now come to the Sekai, this might be related to him!”

“Got it, I’ll be there in a second!” and just like he said, he appeared just outside of the cafe. His eyes widened at the sight. The once beautiful and neat cafe looked like it was abandoned. The usual graffiti across the cafe was gone and the air felt different, like it was empty.

“Toya!” An ran outside meeting him.

“This is related to Akito?” he gulped hard.

“That’s what we think. Do you think this is related to him not coming to school yesterday?”

“It’s possible. But Akito’s not the type to leave people behind, what could’ve happened? I doubt he ran away from home.”

“Maybe kidnapping? But I don’t see anyone being strong enough to kidnap him.”

“This is not good, first his weak attitude all week, then missing class yesterday, our Sekai being a mess, our song changing into Untitled, and now he’s not answering me. This can’t be a coincidence.” he made a fist with his free hand, the tightest one he ever made, it felt like the muscles in his hand would tear if he made it any tighter.

Luka, Kaito, and Kohane all walked out of the cafe, all with weak looks on their faces.

“Luka, Kohane! Any luck contacting him?” An wanted to hope that their faces were lying about the answer they were going to give.

“He’s not answering!”

“I can’t connect to it! His phone’s dead!”

Toya’s pupils shranked like he was outside on the sunny beach for hours.

“Oh no…” his hands trembled to the point in could be heard.

“Toya what’s wrong?” An’s voice became weak.

“All of Akito’s covers, they’re gone!”

“What?!” everyone screamed out loud.

An and Kohane checked their phones to see if this was a cruel joke Toya was making. If only it were a cruel joke. When they opened their playlist, what he said was right. All over his covers were gone like they were never recorded and downloaded in the first place.

“What about our group covers, they’re all still there!” Kohane pointed out, she played Beat Eater out loud on max volume so everyone could hear it. She fast forwarded the instrumental opening and started playing when she began singing the lyrics. Her voice was heard, then the duo part with Toya. An’s part was next and that was normal, but after that only her voice was heard when normally Akito was there. And then silence, no voice came out as if they were listening to an instrumental version of the song.

An played Traffic Jam and just like her partner, she skipped the opening until the lyrics began. Everything was the same except Akito’s voice was not heard just like Beat Eater.

Toya played his and Akito’s cover of Rad Dogs and to his shock, only his voice was heard. It was as if he recorded only his parts of the cover song and Akito wasn’t there during the day of recording. It was exactly like listening to Karaoke, they were all waiting for Akito to sing his parts but it never came.

Finally and weakly, Toya scrolled to Cinema. It was still there but the title looked slightly distorted like someone was hacking it. With his trembling hands, he clicked and played and everyone gulped; waiting, hoping to hear their friend’s voice.

But nothing came.

Literally nothing.

Not even the instrumental parts, not even static. It was pure silence and that was scarier than everything else they heard. Cinema was his song, the song Akito put his entire soul into and the song everybody there loved to hear from him. 

“This is not good! What should we do?!” An panicked, both hands grabbing onto her head. It was as if Akito’s existence was never there, all of his hard work gone in an instant. 

“First we have to calm down.” Kaito mentioned, putting his hand on An’s shoulder for reassurance. He was panicking but he’s the oldest one there and right now he had to stay strong and be responsible. If Meiko were awake she’d be the most calm and try to figure out what to do. He needed to be there for everyone, otherwise things could turn even more south. “Kids, I want you three to go back to your world and search for him in a couple of minutes from now, that’s a good start. I don’t know if he’s intentionally avoiding us, but finding him is our priority. Luka and I will stay here and take care of Meiko and the others.”

“Right. Sorry, it’s just that, I-I-” An couldn’t find the words to finish, just a few days ago everything and everyone appeared fine and normal but now it’s as if her entire world was crumbling down. 

“An, deep, slow breaths.” Luka went up to her and gave her a gentle hug. She herself was panicking but like Kaito, she had to stay strong. They were both the most carefree of all the Virtual Singers in this Sekai, but this situation cannot be taken lightly. They had to help the kids in every way possible. If the adults were panicking, then how would the kids respond and act?

An did what she was told like a child listening to their parents.

“There there. Close your eyes and relax your muscles.” like a mother she patted her head. Luka recalled what Meiko did to the kids, Len and Rin included. She’d calm them down and tell them to take it slowly. Kohane and Toya followed their directions; they were both panicking but it was not as obvious as An’s.

“Thanks I needed that, first let’s recall the last time we each saw him.” An took a deep breath while closing her eyes.

“Shiraishi and I last saw him on Thursday at school, then we met him here to study.”

“Unfortunately since I don’t go to the same school as them, last I saw him was also on Thursday. Sorry.” Kohane looked away, almost as if she was going to cry.

“Kohane, there’s nothing for you to apologize for.” Kaito reassured her, being the most serious he’s ever been. It was a sight the kids would never thought they would see since he was like the playful uncle. “I saw him on Monday, but I didn’t notice anything strange. He ordered his coffee like usual.”

“I also saw him wandering around on Monday, but he left after I talked to him. I should’ve been more observant.” Luka started to bite her nail.

“Luka, this is not your fault. None of this is our fault. Right now all we can do is help Meiko and the others and help find Akito, that’s our plan right now.”

“Right! I’ll go to where he works, maybe he’s busy working.” Kohane suggested. She remembered the time An figured out his work schedule just by finding out when he visited Weekend Garage. He picked out the perfect set of clothes within her budget that matched her tastes. Toya also mentioned that he went to work half an hour early, so maybe this time he’s at work even earlier than usual for whatever reason.

“I’ll go around Vivid Street and go to the live houses he visits often.” Toya was the next one in the group to tell them where he’d go to look for him. He’s his partner so he knew the places he frequented the best, from the smallest of live houses to the biggest ones. Surely he must’ve been practicing by himself which is why he hasn’t been answering. He must’ve been feeling down that the group is taking a small break that he’s been secretly practicing on his own. That’s the only answer he could think of right now.

“I’ll look around the pancake places he eats at often, maybe he’s at one wanting to be alone. If we still can’t find him, I’ll call Mizuki and ask them if they’ve seen him. If not, then his sister has to know the situation.” she hoped that didn’t have to happen. Why wasn’t he answering any of them? He would never ignore his group under normal circumstances. The pancake shops were the last places she could think he could be at. He took his pancake spots seriously and would do almost anything for them, like the time he helped out Weekend Garage for some pancakes back in the summer. He insisted that he was only doing it to help out Ken, but she knew he wanted to help out the Vivids. She wasn’t expecting even more customers when the boys were helping out though. Thankfully her dad stepped in and said it was only a week long event. She hoped Akito was at one of the spots he would usually be at.

“We’ll let you know if anyone else wakes up. It’s still the morning so he could be anywhere. Please find him and good luck.”

“Right!” they all shouted at the same time, they needed to find him quickly. They all disappeared in a flash of light, leaving to find and talk to their missing friend.

“I hope it’s not what I think it means.” Kaito muttered out loudly.

“I hope so too. I’ll go clean up while you go check up on everyone.”

“Alright. Do be careful, there are glass shards everywhere. I hate that all we can do is wait and hope.”

“I know, I hate doing nothing too. Which is why we have to smile twice as bright if, no, when they find Akito and help him. That’s our job.”

“I hope so, I hope they find him before Len and Meiko wakes up.” he swallowed hard at that thought, out of everyone, those two were the closest to Akito. If they don’t find him, then they’ll be anxious non-stop. Meiko loved him as if he was her own son and Len looked up to Akito the most, thinking he’s the coolest.

Kohane started dashing towards her way to Akito’s workplace, and it turns out they’ve been at their Sekai longer than expected. They’ve been there for an hour and the party that they originally planned would have to be on hold. Today was Akito’s special day, he had to be there. She ran as if her life depended on it. Every stoplight she had to stop and wait at, she tapped her foot impatiently waiting for it to change. She knew Akito the least of the group but that didn’t mean she cared about him the least. He’s a big reason why she started the Vivids and started taking singing seriously. 

She couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t answering any of them, why his feelings changed to cause all of his songs and voice to be missing, and why the change in feelings were so intense it affected everyone. She had to find him and know why, he’s her friend and that’s her job. She checked her phone, it was about an hour into Akito’s shift. She hoped he was there, otherwise she wouldn’t know where else to check for him. 

When she saw the store where he worked out, she took a large breath. She was sweating and she just realized her throat was dry from all that running. She was home alone when she originally went to Sekai, so she ran a large distance within twenty minutes; from her home to the store.

She saw the owner of the store, she was a nice woman. One of the few adults Akito doesn’t disrespect. Luckily it wasn’t busy so she could talk to her freely.

“Um, excuse me.” she tiredly cried out to her.

“Oh, it’s Kohane-chan! How are you?” she responded kindly. “Are you here for new clothes?”

“No, not today. Sorry to bother you but is Shinonome-kun in the back right now?”

She saw the owner put on a frown, the first time she ever saw her have one.

“I’m sorry, he’s not here even though he’s supposed to. I was hoping you would know since you two are friends.” normally a boss would be furious that an employee would skip out on work, but she was different. “I’m worried, he has literally never missed a second of work and he’s not answering my messages.”

“I’m looking for him too, he’s also not answering my messages.” Kohane gave the same frown as her, disappointed she already hit a dead end. Where else is she supposed to look for him? Toya and An are looking at the spots he frequents at, so she had no idea where to look. 

“This is unlike him, I hope he’s ok. Next time you see him, please tell him that he’s not in trouble. Here’s my contact info if you need it, if you can’t find him still then please let me know, I could help.” she took out a pen and paper from her pockets and wrote down her number.

“Thank you, I will.” she stared at the paper and put it in her contacts. The more people that could help find him, the better. She remembers something when she placed it inside her pocket. She recalled a while ago she gave him a piece of paper of music she recommended. He could be at the music shop, he always gave her a wide variety of choices to listen to. It put a slight dent to her allowance but it was worth it, it allowed her to practice more. She initially never would’ve figured that he would listen to a large variety of music; to most people that don’t know him, he looked like a punk that listened to rock or something. She hoped he was at the music store.

She hoped the others had better luck.

Toya knew Akito the best, so surely he could find him. Right?

Toya was at the park they would practice at normally until he got the message from Kohane. His initial instinct was to call Akito about it, he would be the most  devastated that their song would change. He called him and he didn’t pick up by the third beep. He called again. Again. And once more. He left several messages but it didn’t even register as read. He didn’t even read his texts he sent last night about meeting at Weekend Garage for his birthday.

Since Akito was his partner, it was his responsibility to find him. He thought he knew Akito the best but turns out that was just him being pretentious. He’d never ignore him even in the worst of fights. He didn’t do anything to figure him out throughout the week, he just let it play out. Akito knew how he felt, but he couldn’t say the same thing to him. He had no clue what Akito could’ve been feeling. Once he finds him, he has to do a much better job at finding out what he could be feeling at times, it’s only right.

Vivid Street was reasonably empty throughout the day, so he had no trouble sprinting towards each live house that they sang at. 

But the first one he went to said he wasn’t there.

And then the second.

Then the third.

And soon, almost all of them had no clue where he was.

Nobody hasn't seen him for a while, as if he just vanished into thin air.

There was only one live house left, the place where they met the Vivids; An and Kohane. 

It seemed just like yesterday where they’d argue and see who was better. 

If only he could go back in time and relive those good times instead of this current nightmare. 

“Oh Toya, you’re here.” a familiar voice called out to him, a boy with brown hair wearing a red shirt and a purple hoodie. It was Kotaro.

“Nice to see you again.”

“Hey Toya, you mind if we talk somewhere less open?” he whispered out loud.

“No, what is it that you need to talk about?” he walked towards the back of the live house.

Kotaro followed and looked around to see if there was anybody nearby. He gently grabbed him and whispered.

“Hey, is it true that VBS is disbanding?” that shocked Toya instantly.

“What?!”

“Not so loud!” he immediately shushed him. “Look, it’s a rumor I heard around here, just one of them in fact and I just wanted to know if they’re just rumors.”

“No. Vivid Bad Squad is not disbanding and it never will. I don’t know who started that rumor but I will not tolerate that.” Toya’s sharpened, as if Arata taunted Akito again.

“You’re telling me. I’m trying to find out who started those, it’s been annoying me for the past week.”

“What other rumors have you been hearing?”

“Another one I heard is that Arata is going to be replacing Akito. People loved your performances last weekend. They all said that Arata should be partners with you.” he looked as if he ate a lemon, the thought almost made him vomit.

That got Toya’s blood boiling and his eyes red. Whatever form of worry he had was instantly replaced with fury.

Akito is not being replaced and he will NEVER be.

“One of them is that Akito quit VBS. He hasn’t been here for a while, like nearly two weeks now I think? He practically lives here and people are being idiots and saying that he quit. Some are saying that his dream was half-assed cuz of that. Another is that Akito got kidnapped by some Yakuza.”

Why were they all rumors involving Akito directly or indirectly? Did someone have a grudge against him? Just because he hasn’t performed or been here doesn’t mean anything, he has a life outside of music. What kind of idiots were making these rumors?

“Hey, is Akito really missing though? It’s not like him not to come here. Did something happen?”

Could he trust him? He could’ve been the one that started the rumors, but he was friends with Akito. He knew this area better than him and the more people helping, the easier it’ll be to find him.

“Promise you’ll keep it a secret? Or at least keep it low?” Kotaro saw a look he never thought he’d see coming out of Toya. It was a look that says ‘If it goes out of control, you’re responsible and I’m going to come after you.’

“So something did happen. I’m no snitch, this secret will be with me even when I die. Unless you tell me it’s ok to tell someone though.” he returned a serious look, the same serious look Akito had whenever he mentioned his dream.

“We’re trying to find him but he hasn’t been answering and we haven’t seen him since Thursday night.”

That widened his eyes, he usually saw Akito and Toya hanging out together. That explains why Toya was running around.

“You sure it’s not just him wanting to be alone?” he tried to be positive about this.

“If he wanted to be alone he’d at least message one of us.”

“Alright, I’ll do whatever I can to look for him while working on this whole rumor bullshit. I hope it’s just him being extra moody. Give me your number, I’ll be sure to contact you if I find any info.” Toya nodded and told him his number. That was another person to help look for him. Hopefully the others had better luck. 

Toya wanted to panic the most, but if he did then Kohane and An would follow his example. Kaito’s right, he had to stay calm otherwise the situation would escalate. He hoped that they would all find him, otherwise Ena would find out about the situation. From the stories Akito told him, she’s moody and if she were to find out, she’d blame everyone in VBS.

She’d blame him for failing as a partner.

She’d blame Kohane for being so weak and quiet.

She’d blame An for not helping him since they both have the same dreams that started it all.

An was the most vocally panicked one, but she had to be strong. She had to be there for Kohane and Toya. She just hoped he was just being an idiot and if he was, he’d be in for the world’s biggest lecture. 

She checked her group chat and both of them replied they had no luck finding them. They all decided to meet up at Weekend Garage afterwards to figure out the next plan. That meant she was the last one to find him at his usual spots.

She went to the first pancake place, the one Akito recommended to Kohane a while back. There wasn’t a line so it was easy to get in. The employee at the front said that he hasn’t been there for a while.

She went to the next spot and the same thing happened.

Even the bakeries.

Over and over.

Again and again.

They were all the same, they all said that they hadn't seen him.

Except for one, the man working in front said that he came on Tuesday evening to buy a cake and then he left afterwards and haven’t seen him since. That was helpful but also not really.

…

What now?

Where else is she supposed to look?

He’s not anywhere where he usually is.

In fact, she just realized she barely knows him outside of music and sweets; he runs errands for his sister, weak grades, and hates carrots. There was that comment from Kohane she vaguely remembers, something about his dad being an artist or something. She knows that he doesn’t like talking about himself, but why? Where is he? Why is he ignoring them all?

All that’s left is to call Mizuki and ask if they saw him. They were her only hope left. She weakly called their number.

“Hey An, I was just going to call you! I’ve got great news! Ena is willing to join us for Lil Bro’s birthday! Have you decided where we’re going?” it doesn’t sound like they know…

“An? Are you there?” they asked. “An?”

“Hey Mizuki…” they could barely hear her voice.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Have you seen Akito recently?”

Please say yes. Please say yes.

“I haven’t seen him since last week. Why, what’s wrong?” their cheery voice weakened.

“We tried contacting him and he’s not picking up. He’s not at work and we can’t find him where he usually goes.”

“H-Hey now, that’s a joke right? You know I’m the one that jokes around, not you. But if you are joking then you got me good.”

“An, please tell me that’s a joke.” she swallowed something in her throat when they asked that, she wished that was a joke.

“Do you know if he was home last night or the day before?”

“No, I have no clue. Should I also put Ena on the line?” their voice lost all their cheery tone. 

“Yeah. That’d be for the best.”

“Give me a second, I’ll call her now.”

What Ena was doing was sleeping like usual. She was sleeping like a bear in winter. Last night she was drawing, finishing the last pieces of her art for her group’s next song. She stayed up all night perfecting it to the group’s standards, mainly her’s. And yet again, her sleep was interrupted by another phone call which she reluctantly picked up.

“Hell-Hello?” she didn’t even bother checking who called her, her eyes were still shut.

“Hey Ena, is Lil Bro home?”

“Mizuki, I don’t wanna deal with your antics.”

“Can you please check if Akito’s home or not?” a third voice was heard on the call, a voice Ena didn’t think she'd be talking to with Mizuki at the same time during the same call.

“Da-That’s um… An, right? Alright, I’ll go check, but you two owe me an explanation afterwards.” she put the phone on mute so they couldn’t hear the noise she’s going to make

She rolled off of bed and grumpily got off the floor carrying her phone.

She opened the door while rubbing her eyes, vision still blurry. She walked to the front of her brother’s room and she noticed the bag she left was still there. Did he just ignore it? That can’t be right, Akito wouldn’t waste food like that. She opened the door and entered inside.

“Akito? You here?” she walked towards his bed and his body wasn’t there. He was never not home, he’d always stay home and listen to music or work on it. She literally cannot remember the last time he wasn’t home. He’d be late for sure at times, but never like this.

She walked downstairs to check if he was in the kitchen.

Empty.

She checked near the front door to see if his shoes were there.

A pair was missing.

“What’s going on? Do you two know something?” she dragged her phone to her ear, unmuting it.

“We can’t find Akito anywhere. He’s not answering us and we checked everywhere he’d usually be at.”

“...Come again? Did I hear you right?” she questioned An, hoping this was a cruel prank by Mizuki. Hoping that this cruel idea was Akito’s to get back at her for being awful to him for the past week.

“Ena, do you have any idea where you think he’d be?”

“Mizuki, An. This better not be a joke, I’m not in the mood and I don’t need this right now.” her voice deepened, a tone that threatened to hurt them if it were a joke.

“When have I ever joked about something this serious? Ena, please tell us if you have any idea, An and the others can’t find him.” they answered back.

If his close friends couldn’t find him in his usual spots then how would she have any idea? She became more distant to him over the past couple of years, she was practically a roommate, no, an acquaintance at best, to him now. 

“Have-Have you tracked his phone? He never lets it die, it’s always charged.”

“We tried, but it’s not working.” An cried out.

“Ho-How long?” 

“Last time we saw him was on Thursday night.”

“N-No…”

“Ena, I know what you’re feeling but please, you have to stay calm. Panicking won’t help any of us. We have to focus on finding him. I’ll hang up for now and leave you with An for now. I'm going to call Kanade and Mafuyu to see if they can help, I’ll also call everyone I know!”

Ena dropped to her knees, they were trembling as if she worked out for hours. 

“Pol-Police… file… report…”

“My dad could help you out with that, he knows a few people. Are you able to meet us at the station near Main Street?”

“Yeah… I think… I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Is there anything else I should know?”

“I… I think it’ll be easier to explain everything at the station.”

“Yeah, that’s smart. I’ll see you there…” she hung up and dropped her phone as her arms plopped to the floor as if the bones were missing.

Where was her brother? Did he get so sick and tired of her that he ran away from home?

Was it possible that he was kidnapped by some creep?

Maybe… maybe he was a corpse.

Whatever it was, it was definitely her fault. It was her fault for being so emotional during that visit, saying such terrible things to him. If she were more respectful towards his feelings, he most likely would be still here. If she were a lot more responsible she would’ve noticed it a lot sooner.

Her only family, her only brother is now missing because of her.

When I went through the door I’m in another place with a large crowd, it seemed familiar.

“Finally and certainly not least, Vivid Bad Squad!” someone with a mic said out loud.

I wonder what I’m going to see this time.

I see An.

I see Kohane.

I see Toya.

And I see Arata.

I see them all smiling, smiles I’ve never seen when I was with them. I wish I could make the people in my life smile like that.

I heard the music start playing and it was Ready Steady. It was our… It was their song. The song that allowed them to find their dreams. This is how their lives should’ve been. How the hell did something like me end up with someone like Toya as a partner?

I should be angry that Arata’s replacing me but why should I? He’s the better sibling. Why wouldn’t you wanna replace someone that sucks? It’ll be hypocritical of me to be angry at him. Me being replaced is the same thing as replacing a broken cup, there’s always more, always something better.

They sounded wonderful because I’m not there. I never even imagined Arata singing that song, but here it is. I guess everything I’ve done until now was just me being lucky. I’m such a massive disappointment to everyone.

I’m a disappointment to An, Kohane, Toya, Ken, Miku, Meiko, Len, Rin, Luka, and Kaito. They wasted their time on a failure on me, but no longer will they be stuck with me. Everything I’ve done was just me riding on Toya’s talent. I’m a disappointment to myself. 

What was the whole point of me trying if I knew I was going to fail? I knew I had no talent yet I tried and I still failed. If I had even a tiny bit of talent in anything then I could be useful to someone for once. But I don’t.

Why do I desire something I know I can never have?

I just keep on listening to Vivid Bad Squad singing until the end. At this rate you’ll all make your dreams come true, unlike me. My dreams will just be that, just dreams because I’m a failure to everyone.

The crowd got louder and louder, even when they finished singing. It reminds me of that Friday, that Sunday. Cheers I could never receive, praise I can never have. 

I don’t know what to feel about this.

I walk away and I see another door and enter it again. I noticed my knuckles stopped bleeding and I couldn’t make a fist that well, it was red and swollen. I punched that floor pretty hard, no surprise that it’s like that. Not that it matters, not like I deserve to hold a mic.

“Hey there, enjoy your time there?” I see me again. I’m in a hallway with a bunch of doors, like one of those creepy hotel floors except that there’s no color.

“I don’t know.” I responded like a robot, dull and emotionless.

He just stared at me then continued speaking. 

“That reminds me, it’s your birthday isn’t it?”

“My what now?”

“Your birthday Akito, surely even you know that. Well happy birthday I guess.”

“What’s so happy about that?” I shouldn’t have been born in the first place. If I was never born then I wouldn’t have to suffer so much. If I was aborted then I wouldn’t have been wasting everyone’s time.

He glanced at me again.

“Surely you have a wish? What is it, you can tell me.”

“I wish I was never born.”

“Whatever you say. Tired of looking at these doors? If not, feel free to look around all you want. No one's gonna stop you.” he looked away from me, as if he was disgusted at me.

No witty comments at me. No harsh, but true, words stabbing at me. Whatever, it’s not like it’ll matter.

So many doors to explore, how do I know which one to pick and when I should stop? 

I’ll just explore them all, what’s the worst that could happen?

I opened the door closest to me and I’m at the Shinonome house again. I can faintly hear the lyrics of Alter Ego, but the lyrics were slightly distorted.

Doesn’t look like much changed, almost everything looks exactly the same. I walk upstairs to see my room. When I opened it, there were pieces of paper on the floor. Yet it looks identical to my room. I glanced at the wall next to me and I saw a picture. It was a drawing I made a long while ago. Ah, I remember now. This was before that Summer when Ena showed me RAD WEEKEND, before I started football. I was doodling a bunch of things trying to distract myself after her mom left her.

When I first drew, her dad said it was good and started giving me some pointers. Then when I told Ena, she had a look on her face I never wanted to see ever again. She was forcing a smile, a painful one. She looked at me as if I took everything from her life, but she somehow didn’t snap at me that one time. She was silent and I was just there smiling showing off what I drew. She just smiled and walked away without saying a single word. That night when she was sleeping, I snuck into her room and I saw some torn pieces of art in the trash can. I thought they were good but it was obvious that she didn’t think they were good.

She tore her own art because of me.

I wanted to throw myself down the stairs, I hurt her. I want to go back in time and strangle the living shit out of my younger self for doing that.

What I did to her was essentially gloat at my natural artistic skill, which she didn’t have. A kid with barely any help with drawing was better than her, someone that was working her ass off to be like her dad. And I almost took that dream away from her, I got praise from her hero. I’m no different than what Arata did to me. It’s no wonder we’re brothers, I’m a piece of shit just like him. Except the difference is that people like Arata, unlike me.

I never wanted to see her face like that ever again so I just stopped drawing for a while and then her dad just started getting frustrated with me. He claimed that I’m wasting it, that I could do something with my life with skills like mine. It was a good thing Ena wasn’t home when he said that to me, otherwise she most likely would've quit drawing. I think that was when we really started becoming distant from each other. Whatever, it’s not like he’s my real dad or anything.

Luckily for her, one day during school, I got distracted during basketball and the ball jammed my fingers pretty badly. I had to wear a cast for a while. That was when I started football since you didn’t need to use your hands at all for that. Still, she bitched at me for not continuing art after my fingers went back to normal. That Ena, ungrateful as always. Whatever though, I’m gone so you won’t ever have to worry about me taking your dreams away ever again.

But I do wonder, if our interest in hobbies were switched and I pursued art and you pursued music, would I have your life? Would you have my life? 

That life is probably better though, here she’s miserable every time I’m near her. She’s probably scared deep down inside that I’m going to take away art from her, which is why she barely talks about it to me. That's why she doesn’t ask for my help or advice. It’s why she doesn’t ask me if I like her art anymore. She used to ask me that often before I drew.

If only I lived in that life, that life is probably better than my current one. She’d be happy with music, and I’d be happy… drawing whatever I guess. VBS would have someone with talent, Toya would have a partner with talent. While I guess in that life, I’ll be alone minding my own business, away from Ena.

Chapter Text

“Shinonome-kun…” Kohane weakly cried outside of Weekend Garage. An and Ken just left to meet up with Akito’s sister at the police station. 

“Akito you idiot, where are you…” Toya shared the same weak feeling as his friend and fellow teammate. 

They just finished meeting up and they told Ken the bad news. For once in their lives the kids saw Ken shocked. Ken was always the one that kept his cool. He immediately got on his phone and started making some phone calls, probably friends that he’s asking for their help. Even An never saw her dad give that look ever. All that’s left is to wait, wait and see. 

“We should tell Kaito what we’re doing right now.” Kohane gave the weakest nod of affirmation to his comment. She didn’t even bother to look at him or raise her head. They both took out their phones and played Ready Ste-and played Untitled.

They were back at their Sekai, it was still a mess but there was Luka still cleaning up.

She noticed them and waved, but noticed their lack of energy. She knew what the news was even though she hoped they would find progress. It was only a few hours since they left and they looked like they hadn’t slept in days.

“Why don’t you kids sit down? The inside is clean again and I could make you something. Come on, tell me what you two would like. My skills behind the counter are not as great as Meiko’s but I can still make delicious stuff.”

“I’ll just have a simple black coffee.” Toya responded. 

“I’ll just have green tea.”

Both kids didn’t want her to make anything complex, she’s already dealing with a lot and making something complex would be an annoyance.

“What do you mean Akito is missing!?” a young girl’s voice could be heard upstairs. That was most likely Rin, she was the loudest next to Len. Loud footsteps could be heard running downstairs.

“Rin, calm down and take it easy!” Kaito’s voice could be heard in the background.

Rin came downstairs like an angry parent about to lecture their kids. She saw what happened to the café and noticed everyone’s weak expressions.

“Kohane-chan, please tell me Kaito is just pulling a prank on us! There’s no way Akito is missing right?!” 

“Rin, keep your voice down please. Meiko, Miku, and Len are still sleeping. We have to stay calm. We’ll tell you everything we know so far.” Luka said while handing the kids their drinks.

“How can I stay calm at a time like this?! Everyone fainted, our Sekai took some damage, and Akito’s missing!”

“Rin, what can we do right now? We don’t have physical bodies in their world. I know what you’re feeling, and I wish I could do something but we live here and there’s nothing we can do about that. How do you think the kids feel?” Kaito said while behind Rin, slightly tired from running after her. Kaito took a glance at Toya and Kohane, he knew what their results were from their expressions and lack of voice.

“But I can’t stand around and do nothing!”

“I know Rin, we all wish that. Which is why I want everyone to look for him in this Sekai once everybody is awake and healthy enough. Within a reasonable distance from the café though.”

“Wait what?” Rin said out loud. She was surprised that he was going to let her do something. Everyone was expecting him to say that they should wait and see or to let the adults handle it.

“I can’t tell everyone what to do, and knowing you and Len, you two would probably search for him on your own in secret. But not too far away from here, this Sekai is a labyrinth. Even Luka thinks she barely scratched the surface of this place.”

“It’s true, I explored a good chunk and I feel like it’s constantly expanding.”

“Like I said, I’ll only allow you to explore once everyone else wakes up or if I give permission. I don’t want anyone else here to be lost.”

“I just wish you were always this reliable Kaito…” Rin whispered to herself.

“What’s our plan for now though? We looked everywhere for him and had no luck.” Toya said while sipping his coffee. 

“For us, we wait until everyone else wakes up. But you three shouldn’t give up, it’s too soon. Giving up now means you’re giving up on him. Once you’re ready and once you have the time, contact everyone; your friends, neighbors, teachers, whoever you can talk to and ask them to help or if they’ve seen him. Anything would help.”

“We know. Right now An-chan is filing a police report with her dad and Shinonome-kun’s sister, hopefully things will go well and they can help.”

“His sister…” Rin muttered to herself. In this Sekai, Len was her partner and best friend, they were like siblings constantly getting into arguments with each other. If he went missing, would she blame everyone like Ena would? She couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Len were to disappear, she already panicked heavily when she woke up when Kaito told her what happened. The sooner he wakes up, the better she would feel. From what Akito told her, she was a lot like Ena. So if she was already this panicked, she can only imagine what Ena’s going through right now. 

“Kaito you should go and take a break, you’ve been awake the longest. I’ll watch over everyone now, go and take a rest.” Luka offered to him, he looked like he was about to collapse any second now. He was the first one to awake and has been watching over everyone else and hasn’t slept since.

“It’s fine, besides I could always drink some coffee to keep me up.”

“Kaito, how long have you been awake?” Luka crossed her arms like Meiko usually does.

“Not important, what’s more important than that right now is that the store gets cleaned up before Meiko wakes up. She’s going to have a heart attack if she wakes up to this mess.”

“Stop changing the subject, how long have you been up? If you don’t answer I’m going to eat your ice-cream you’ve been saving up back in the freezer!” she pointed to the fridge in the backroom.

“No! Not that! I’ve been looking forward to that for days now! Ok ok you win! I’ll take a break! Wait, how do you know about that?” 

“Not important.” Luka said while looking away from him.

“Now you know how we feel whenever you eat one of our snacks!” Rin added on. 

“I already apologized about that incident! It was an accident!”

Toya and Kohane gave a small smile at the conversation, it sounded like a normal day in Streek Sekai. If only it actually was a normal day. The lighthearted attitude would’ve given Akito a headache while Meiko in the back would just continue with her own business ignoring everyone. This happy feeling right now won’t last.

“Aoyagi-kun, have you contacted anyone else to keep an eye out for him?”

“Yeah, I asked Tsukasa-senpai and his friends to help out.”

“That’s good, I asked several of my friends too. I just hope we find him soon, he could be cold or starving right now.”

“I know, but we can’t think like that. We have to be positive, Akito would do the same for us if one of us were missing.” she nodded at that, hoping to be as strong as him.

Meanwhile with An, she was at the police station with Ena, her dad was out parking. Ena was silent the entire time during the walk to the station, she couldn’t focus on anything else but her little brother. She hasn't seen him for a week and now it could be much longer than that. He could be avoiding her, but even she knew Akito was more mature than that. She met up with An, who greeted her and gave a smile, a forced one she knew she was making since she was also making one too. She seemed like a nice girl, no wonder he was in the same group as her. 

“What the hell do you mean it could just be a simple ‘running away from home case’ nobody has seen him for a few days now!” Ena screamed at the top of her lungs, face red and looked like she was about to choke the officer in front of her.

“Calm down ma’am! It’s just that most missing person cases like these just end up with the person returning home.”

“So that’s just an excuse to not do your jobs!? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! You don’t know anything about my brother so don’t act like you know what he did! Get your fucking asses off your computer and put up some missing posters or something! A child could do a better job than all of you right now!”

She was seeing nothing but red, how dare he assume her brother just ran away from home and would return like nothing happened. He has friends here and avoiding them would be hard, not to mention he was fairly popular in Vivid Street so someone was bound to see him. If he did run away, where would he go? He doesn’t have a lot of money to run away for days comfortably, it’ll just waste time, time he could be using for music.

“He could be hurt right now for all we know! None of us has seen him for two days now! That’s gotta be more than enough time for your stupid logic to fail! Don’t tell me you don’t care about your so-called oath and justice!?” An joined Ena with her temper, with her singing experience, her voice was just as easily as loud as Ena’s. Luckily no one else was in the station for them so they weren’t disturbing anyone else.

“That’s enough. I’ll take care of things from now on, good work not bowing down to them. You two be outside and calm your heads.” her dad gently put his hands on both of their shoulders for reassurance. The usual happy look he had was far gone and he looked like a completely different person. The usual Ken most people saw 99% of the time was the happy, wise guy that people enjoyed being with. But right now he looked like a street punk ready to kill someone. An never saw his dad angry before, she was scared of what he was going to do, for the first time she was scared to be near him. She wanted to know who this stranger in front of her was. When he heard the news from An about Akito, he looked like he lost a son. He knew it wasn’t a joke, An would never joke about something like that. Sure she’d argue with him and tease him all the time, but he knew the arguments both kids would have with each other was just fun and games in the end or suggestions to improve everyone.

“Ken-san!” the officer said out loud, he didn’t hear what he said. The officer looked like he saw a celebrity, amazed at who he was seeing.

Both girls listened to Ken and left the station to cool off. The air inside there was suffocating, as if the air was frozen, it was better to be outside than inside right now. It was chilly out and Ena was glad she was wearing that jacket she bought yesterday. An was used to the cold so she wore her usual outfit.

“I’m sorry that I gave you bad news first thing when you woke up.”

“Please don’t apologize, it was important.” she shook her head, not looking at her direction.

Things got awkward fast, An didn’t know what else to say to her. From the stories she heard, she thought she’d get along with her; annoying and making fun of the carrot haired boy, but after what Mizuki said? A part of her blamed her for Akito’s disappearance. Even though she didn’t know the entire story, avoiding your family for a week for whatever reason was low. That explained a lot of his actions, or rather inactions, throughout the week she saw him. Akito would always complain about his sister, but even she knew what his sister did to him was cruel, even for her. She was an only child but even she wouldn’t dare think of doing that to anyone. She wanted to say things would be alright, but even she didn’t know if that was the right thing to say. She wouldn’t be surprised if she snapped at her and the rest of the team for not being there for him, for being responsible for not looking after Akito better. At least that’s what she thinks she’ll say from the dozens of stories he always complains about.

For Ena, she also didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know her brother’s friends that well, she only briefly met them once a few weeks ago. All he said was small mentions of someone in his team starting arguments here and there. She was grateful that her dad was there to help, but she didn’t know how to thank them. All she knew was that they were in the same group, yet Akito had met everyone in her night group. Sure he didn’t know them that well, but he at least introduced himself to them and he even helped one of them twice. She even forgot his birthday and she still was asleep for nearly half the day. If he wasn’t missing then she could’ve missed out on his birthday party.

“Was he unhappy the last time you saw him?” were the words that came out of Ena’s trembling mouth.

“He was more… meek than usual.” she responded back, trying to avoid any words that might trigger her.

“Did he say anything about me?”

“No, but he usually does.”

“Ah…” was all Ena said. 

“I’m sure Akito’s fine right now! He’s the most stubborn person I know! We’ll find him soon, I swear!”

“Yeah, I hope so. Say, before all this, was he happy being with your group?” she realized that was literally the first time she asked if Akito was happy to one of his friends.

“Yeah, he had a blast being with us. Before our group formed I never knew he could smile like that.” An realized she referred to him in the past tense, as if he was…

“I see.” her own brother never smiled like that whenever he was with her. 

She wished she could control her emotions better like her brother. Her short temper caused all of this, that was a fact and whoever says that wasn’t true was a filthy liar. The last words she said to him, that was by far the most cruel thing she ever said to him, overreaction would be an understatement. Her heart ached, she bit the insides of her gums, her nails dug inside her palms. If he was dead then she would never speak again, her words poisoned her poor, innocent, sick brother.

“Do you mind if I call someone?” An asked. “It’s to see if I could find some help.”

“Go ahead, I should be doing the same.” calling her friends to help look for her brother should’ve been the first thing she should’ve done when she left the house.

An was calling Haruka, her old friend. Right now she was at practice, so hopefully she could pick up.

Ena was calling Airi who was also at practice for her idol group. No point in calling Kanade or Mafuyu since Mizuki said they’ll call them both. Airi should’ve been Akito’s sister instead of her, she cared way more about Akito within a day than she had for the past month. 

Luckily for both of them, More More Jump! was taking a break right now, so their friends have time to pick up.

“Hey Ena, what’s up? Did you apologize to Akito-kun yet?” her voice was cheery over the phone, she didn’t know the situation. A part of her didn’t want to tell her old friend about the news; ignorance is bliss after all, but she needed all the help she could get. Another thing she’s going to bother her friend with.

“No.” was her simple and tired response. She knew what her friend was going to say.

“Ena, I said it last night and I’ll say it again. Stop being so stubborn, how long are you going to be immature? Be a good example for once, be glad you have a brother like him! It’s his birthday, you could’ve ended up with a much worse brother than him.” 

“Airi, you said the last time you saw him was last week right?” she changed the subject.

“Yeah, why?”

“Then that means you haven’t seen him since then.”

“Yeah…?” she was confused about the wording of that sentence.

“Nobody has seen Akito since Thursday. He wasn’t home last night and he’s not answering anyone, both text and calls.”

“H-Hey now, if this is a lie to avoid apologizing to him then it’s a really awful one.” her voice shook like she was sick.

“I’m at the police station with one of his friends to file a report. If you get or have any info, then please let me know later. Sorry to bother you, don’t call me back right now, I'm not in the mood.”

“Wait hold o-” Ena hung up the call, she said what needed to be said. 

She tried calling Akito, she unblocked him last night when she finished showering. She heard it beeping for a while and then finally went to that annoying voicemail message. She wondered if he was trying to call her throughout the week. If he had, then she now knew what it felt being on the receiving end. Except the difference was he probably knew she was safe, but she couldn’t say the same thing to him. Where was he?

An officer opened the door outside and informed both girls to come back inside to fill in some paperwork, Ken did it, he convinced them to do their jobs. The question is if they’d be useful and find him.

Airi wasn’t expecting to hear that from her old friend. It sounded like Akito was missing or he ran away, but she knew him, he would never do that. Right? Akito would never make his sister worry about him like that, he loves her, it’s why she trusted him to watch over her. Plus he was fit enough to avoid danger from any delinquent. But Ena never sounded like that except for that time in Junior High. She gulped and thought about him. If he really was missing then she had to do something, he’s part of the reason why she wanted to become an idol, why she and Ena stayed friends and were in touch. She owed him a lot.

“Is something wrong?” Shizuku calmly asked, her face shining greater from the sunlight.

“I think so. Do you remember Ena’s brother?”

“Akito-kun? What about him?” she tilted her head slightly, wondering what was wrong.

“Have you seen him around recently?”

“No, I haven’t seen him since the summer festival. Why? Did something happen to him?”

“Ena says that nobody has been able to get in contact with him today and no one hasn’t seen him for a few days now.” Shizuku opened her mouth but no sound came out.

“Eh!? That’s serious!” Minori shouted out, both Airi and Shizuku turned to her.

“Minori, calm down and breathe for a second.”

“Ri-Right!” she took a deep breath like she was at a doctor’s office.

“Is something wrong Haruka?”

“Someone from my friend’s group has gone missing.”

Airi put two and two together, both of them got a phone call about a missing person at the same time, it was too coincidental.

“Is the missing person a boy named Akito-kun?” Airi asked.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I also got a phone call from a friend about him, it was from his sister.”

“What should we do to help? One of our fans has gone missing!” Minori loudly panicked. 

“Wait, fan? Do you know him?” Airi was surprised to hear that.

“Only a little, we met a few weeks ago. At first he scared me but then I talked about how I wanted to be an idol like Haruka-chan and then he looked completely different. We chatted for a while afterwards.”

“Wait, was that when we were walking Samo-chan in the park and he ran off and I chased after him?”

“Yeah! That orange-haired boy you briefly glanced at was Shinon-er, Akito-kun! I can’t believe he went missing! He even promised that he’d visit one of our performances whenever he could! I can’t believe my first fan went missing! We have to do something!”

Airi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Akito, going to an idol performance? She knew he wasn’t an idol person, back then whenever she visited the Shinonome household he’d complain whenever Ena turned on an idol channel on tv. Although he’d reluctantly give in and watch it with them both in the end. But the clumsy Minori made him promise to go to one of their shows?

“Oh, how about we use our streams to help look for him?” Minori quickly suggested.

“I wish we could use our streams to help spread the word, but we can’t use it for personal reasons.” Airi weakly stated. Minori was right and had the right idea even though she disagreed with the idea. Their streams were getting more and more views and if they did use it, it would definitely increase the chances of him being found. But it was only meant for their idol career and nothing else.

“Hey Shizuku, are you ok? You’ve been quiet for a while now.” Haruka noticed and pointed out.

“Huh? Sorry, I was thinking about something. What were we talking about again?”

“About helping Ena find her brother.”

“Oh. Right.” Shizuku simply replied back.

“Ena’s already at the police station. I think we should look around social media after we’re done with practice.”

“Right!” Haruka and Minori agreed. Shizuku just nodded which Airi noticed.

Haruka thought about the boy momentarily. She never met or talked to the boy, she only saw him from a photo from her old friend, but he was important to An so that meant he was important to her. Her old friend would usually either talk about her partner or about him when the topic was about her group. Once she told her that he was the first one to notice her problems, a problem she didn’t even recognize until he outright told her. That caused her to grow and mature as a partner. She would also hear about their arguments from her which she laughed at. She thought that was how they get along most of the time, arguing about stupid things. She sometimes wished she had dumb arguments with her. She wished she had the time to thank him for helping her friend. 

Minori first heard about Akito from Kohane several months back when they first formed VBS. When she showed her a photo of him, she thought he dyed his hair, to which Kohane replied that his orange hair is natural and that the yellow streak is the only dyed part. She thought he was in some sort of J-pop or K-pop group with that hair color at first. Her parents would probably think he was a delinquent if they were to see him. She thought he was scary from the first story Kohane told her about, but then she told her about how seriously he takes music and constantly recommends the group different genres of music to expand their tastes. He’s a big part of why Kohane was improving and her recent happy moods, he was constantly pushing Kohane slightly above her limits. Not too long ago Kohane asked her for a copy of their music so she could repay him back for all the music he recommended and loaned her. When she told her that he liked their music despite not being an idol music fan, Minori jumped out of joy.

Airi’s first meeting with him was an event she could never forget. The first time she entered Ena’s house was so they could study for an upcoming test. Akito came home from football practice and was loudly calling out his sister’s name, not noticing her presence while covered in light scratches. Ena, being Ena, shouted at Akito for embarrassing her in front of her friend and that he was being too loud, so she proceeded to pull on her cheeks which he also did back to her. It took them both a minute to notice Airi was there on the floor, laughing and clenching her stomach. Before meeting them both, everyone either faked their attitude towards her or just outright didn’t like her because of her idol status. But here were the Shinonome siblings being true to themselves, witnessing them was a huge breath of fresh air for her. Ena proceeded to blame him again for the embarrassing moment to which Akito tried to blame it on her for not calling him sooner about having a guest over. Akito being the mature one, apologized to them both which surprised her; her own sisters wouldn’t apologize first. Ena asked him if he could go to the convenient store to pick up snacks for them both to which he agreed. When he arrived home, Ena patched up his scratches. Akito asked her if she was on tv, to which she replied she was working on her idol career. He didn’t wish her luck because she was friends with her sister, that meant being friends with her sister required more work than being an idol; those words meant a lot to her. Different words of encouragement, the Akito way. That was when she realized he was a lot more mature than he seemed and cared about the people around him.

At the Street Sekai, Len weakly and slowly opened his eyes. He felt like he had an extra heavy layer of skin, his legs felt numb, his mouth and throat were dry, and his arms felt weak. The last thing he remembered was that he was walking with Miku. He looked around and noticed he was in his room above Crase Café, it was 1:27 AM. He slowly got off his bed with as much strength as he could muster, not bothering to put on his vest.

“Miku?” he weakly cried out, his voice was raspy and dry. No one answered.

He walked downstairs and heard some voices. He noticed Luka, Miku, and Meiko all outside, which was unusual.

Luka wasn’t smiling, it was the first time he saw her like this.

Miku looked like she saw a ghost.

And Meiko.

Meiko had both of her palms on her face, she was shaking, sitting away from the other two.

“What’s wrong everyone?” he weakly broke the silence, gently walking outside.

“Oh Len, you’re finally up. Do you want some water or juice? You must be thirsty.” Luka put on a smile immediately, it was similar to what Akito did from what Toya told him.

“Juice please.” Luka nodded and got up. She glanced towards Miku quickly and nodded.

“Len, you should sit down. It’s very important.” Miku asked.

“Eh? Alright. Meiko, are you alright? What’s wrong?” he noticed that her palms were dripping.

“Len, do you know what day today is?” Miku intervened, grabbing his attention.

“Isn’t it Saturday morning?” Miku shook her head.

“No, it’s Monday morning right now.”

“What?! I slept for that long!? Why didn’t anybody wake me up!? I missed Akito’s birthday! And how did I sleep for that long!?”

“Len. Please quiet down, it’s about Akito. We all missed his birthday party.”

“Eh?” his eyes widened when he heard that. “Is that why Meiko is crying? Because she missed celebrating it?”

Miku turned her eyes down, opening her mouth only for nothing to come out. She was thinking how to break the news to him. She gulped several times, each time being harder to swallow. She put her hands below the table, tightening them both to prevent them from shaking. She looked at his eyes; they were so oblivious and innocent right now. She really didn’t want to tell him, but he has to know.

“Here you go Len.” Luka handed the young boy some orange juice to hydrate himself.

“Thanks.” he immediately took a large gulp as if he was drinking water from a clean river after being trapped in the desert.

Luka glanced towards Miku and nodded once more.

“Len, would you promise me one thing right now?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Promise me that you’ll stay calm.”

“Uh, ok I guess. So what’s so important that caused all of us to miss Akito’s birthday?” he frowned.

“...” Miku could feel some tears coming up her eyes. “Len, Akito is missing.”
She finally broke the news.

“What…?” was his response. He put his glass of juice down. “I know you love teasing me but that’s not funny. That’s too mean even for a prank on me.”

Miku hated this. She saw his eyes shrink, his posture lowered, and his usual smile turned into a small frown. She never saw him like this and remained silent, unable to find the right words.

“Tell me it’s not true!” he raised his voice a little.

Nobody responded to him.

“Where’s Rin? Where’s Kaito? Are they part of this prank? Where are they? It’s actually Saturday and everybody is making fun of me isn’t it!?”

“They’re both looking around this Sekai right now to see if Akito is lost here.” Luka finally responded. She looked away from him, unable to handle seeing it.

“Why would he be missing?! He’s the strongest person ever! Not to mention he has all of us to talk to for his troubles! We’re here to help him!” he looked at Miku’s eyes. She looked away and back at him. He glanced towards Meiko, she was crying even harder despite not making any noise. He tried connecting to Akito’s phone, but all he got was a jolt of pain to his head.

“Len! Are you ok?” Miku got up and held Len, to prevent him from falling.

“His phone is dead. He would never let his phone die…” he muttered out loud. Luka and Miku realized that Len was slowly accepting the truth. 

“I’m going to call Toya!” 

“Len, it’s the morning, Toya has school. I doubt he’s going to pick up at this hour.”

“Toya would never make a joke like that to me so I have to call him!”

Toya’s face appeared in front of them.

“Oh. Len, you’re awake. What’s wrong?” he had a neutral look on his face.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! Toya, please tell me Akito’s not really missing! It’s still Saturday morning right?”

He saw Toya’s face, it didn’t change at all. He wasn’t even annoyed that he got a phone call early in the morning. He called him once in the early morning and Toya looked annoyed like the time he was tutoring Akito.

“Toya, have you been sleeping?” he noticed Toya had some bags under his eyes.

“Can’t sleep Len, it’s hard to.” 

“Wh-Why?”

“Miku told you, didn't she?” that was his response, he didn’t want to say those words out loud. “Sorry, I need some more time to myself. I’ll talk to you another time.” he coldly hung up. That was the shortest call he ever had with him and by a large amount. Their usual calls would last at least a few minutes but this one didn’t even last twenty seconds.

…

Miku and Luka saw him stay still like a statue. They were ready to hear him yell like he usually would, except this time they wouldn’t be annoyed or blame him. 

“-ault?” he whispered.

“What did you say?” Miku gently put her hands on his shoulder, not knowing what else to do.

“Is it my fault?” he whispered out loud.

“What? NO!” Luka hastily replied.

“Is it my fault that he’s missing? Did I annoy him too much? Was I not good enough to help him?”

“Len, please stop! None of this is your fault!” 

“Then whose fault is it?”

“I… I don’t know.” Miku gave him a hug, it was the only thing she could give right now. She woke up the same time as Meiko not too long ago and her heart ached when she was told the news. She wanted to break down and cry out loud, but she had to be strong. But to tell someone else the news felt like the universe was mocking her. 

“Len, don’t give up. Everybody is trying their best to find him. Don’t lose hope. We could search for him in the morning.” Luka also joined in, hoping to cheer him up. His body had no strength, it was as if he was letting himself be crushed.

“Ok.” was his response. That terrified them both, they were not expecting him to respond like this. They were expecting him to run and search for his friend or to act like Rin. To see him be so compliant felt wrong. “I’m going back to bed. I need to be alone.” He gently pulled away from them both and dragged his feet back inside the café while carrying his empty glass of juice back to the sink. They saw him put his hand on his head, he was probably trying to connect to Akito’s phone again but failed. 

Meanwhile at another Sekai, N25’s, everyone entered there at the request of Rin.

“What’s so important that you needed to tell me in person?”

“Ena, it’s about your brother.” Miku replied.

“I know, I heard it all. I should’ve been more mature, I heard it from Airi and I heard it from everyone else I know. I don’t need you to tell me that also.”

“It’s not that, it’s something else about him.” Rin was trying to find the right words to tell her. 

“Well?”

“Your brother was actually here a couple of times.”

“Wha?” everyone said out loud, everyone’s eyes widened, including Mafuyu.

“What does that mean?” Kanade asked.

“This Sekai also now belongs to him, which is why he is able to visit here.”

“Then why didn’t you tell us this sooner!? This is important! How long have you known!?” Ena screamed, hurt that they were keeping it a secret from him.

“About a week.” Rin looked away from her.

“A week!? A week and none of you bothered to tell me! What made you think it was a good idea!? Aren’t you all supposed to help me!?”

“Ena, calm down!” Mizuki was scared, Akito being a resident meant that his feelings were similar to theirs.

“Calm down? You’re joking right? How can I calm down!?”

“We kept it a secret until now because he asked us to.” Luka harshly answered, raising her voice for the first time.

Nobody saw her act like this, it startled them, she was always so carefree.

“Until now?” Mafuyu pointed out.

“We promised we’d keep it a secret until we thought it was the appropriate time to tell you. We tried telling you last week but every time we tried to tell you, you’d ignore us or deflect.”

Ena wanted to punch herself for acting that immature, her actions caused her to lose the most vital information about her missing brother.

“Why would he want to keep it a secret from us?” Mizuki asked, they wanted to know but at the same time didn’t want to.

“Because he wasn’t supposed to be here originally, it belonged to you four. He said he was an intruder and that his sister wouldn’t look at him the same way ever again if she were to know. This was your secret from him, a secret that he found out by accident. But our purpose is to help, so that secret had to be let out.” 

Ena felt like her heart was being torn out. Was this the problem he was having trouble with when she last saw him, when she snapped at him? A problem that he said only he could know? She wished she could go back in time and not snap at him. 

“Was he purposefully avoiding us here?” Kanade asked, curious why she never saw him here.

“Yes. He only knows that Ena is a resident here.” Miku nodded. “He would only ask about her, even ignoring our help to him last week.” Ena’s heart shrunk after hearing that.

“When was the first and last time he was here then?” Mizuki once again asked. They had a million questions, but decided to ask this one for now.

“Several hours before Ena came here to complain about him, which was about a week ago.” Meiko answered, finally walking in. “We last saw him on Wednesday morning for a few minutes.” 

Ena couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Even after being the worst sister to ever exist; after treating him like he was nothing, he was still concerned about her and was only thinking about her. She didn’t even think about how he was doing once, it took a lecture from Airi to finally try to patch things out with him. 

“Do you know where he is now?” Mafuyu asked with a small sad look on her face, a specific look that everyone saw for the first time.

“No.” Rin shook her head. “He would barely tell us anything about himself, so we didn’t know how to help him with his feelings.”

Ena didn’t know what to say. She really knows nothing about him. She had no idea what to say and put her hand on her face as if she had a headache.

“Sorry for my attitude. I’m going to bed.” she hastily left before anyone could comment.

The girls wished this was all a fever dream. Their friend’s brother somehow being a resident to their Sekai raised a billion questions and what-ifs. 

“Mafuyu.” Miku called out to her. “There was something about him that reminded me of you, but at the same time he didn’t.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. It was a feeling I got the more I talked to him. For now please watch over Ena in your world.”

They all nodded, not for her sake but for her brother’s also.

Mafuyu last saw him on Tuesday outside of a bakery, at that time she didn’t think anything of it and went on with her own business. But now that she’s here, she thought about the few times she interacted with him. Just like her, he put on a fake smile. Yet what Miku just said right now made her wonder if there was something else behind that smile. She knew her smile was fake, but thinking back on it now, the fake smile she saw on him was different from her’s and that gave a strange feeling inside of her, a feeling she felt for the first time. 

Kanade had yet to thank him once again for helping her out that time she passed out in the street. When she saw him in that restaurant with the pancakes, she also noticed he was faking a smile. She just thought that was him faking being polite from the little Ena spoke of him, but now she regretted not taking more action. Maybe if she did something, she could’ve helped or even saved him. That fake smile could have meant many things. Maybe if she said Ena should return home after staying a night at her house he wouldn’t have been missing.

Mizuki. All they thought about was how useless and terrible they were. They were friends with him but not once did they come to check up on him, to hear his side of the story of the fight. They could’ve asked An how he was doing, but they didn’t. All they did was spend the days as if nothing happened between them both. 

That Monday when Ena woke up, she forgot to close the curtains so she woke up with the sun’s glare hitting her eyes.

“AKITO YOU ASSHOLE!” she cried out, putting both of her hands on her eyes to shield them from the outside world, rolling in bed. She screamed like a vampire being hit by sunlight.

Usually there would be a response from him whenever he did that to wake her up.

But he wasn’t here.

He wasn’t here to wake her up nor was he here to talk back.

She waited for his response only to be greeted by silence and the birds chirping outside.

She opened her eyes slowly and saw nobody when there usually was.

“Oh. Right.” she cried out, she forgot that he wasn’t here for a minute. She looked down and put on a somber look. 

She checked her phone and it was nearly noon. There were no new messages which meant nobody had any info on him. She got a phone call from her dad earlier that morning. Due to business he wouldn’t be home for a while, but for the first time she heard him being emotional. He would usually sound like he was dead but this time he genuinely sounded concerned. He sounded like the time she cried when her mom left, a memory she repressed until now. He said that he called up some old friends, the phone company, and the bank to help look for him. For the first time in over a decade, she wished he was home so she could talk to him. 

She got up and walked to Akito’s door and knocked.

“Akito, I’m coming in.” she pointlessly spoke out to no one.

His room was the same when she woke up that Saturday. Empty when it should’ve been busy. That Saturday was the first time she didn’t see him on his birthday, the first time she never saw him home. She closed the door, she changed her mind; she was too scared to enter. It was all supposed to be normal, she would’ve apologized and they would eat some cake when they got back home. The cake she bought that Friday was still in the fridge, just like the cake he bought for her. Except this time she didn’t think the cake would be eaten by him. She realized this was the first time she didn’t eat cake with him on his birthday. 

On Tuesday, she distracted herself by drawing all day except for meals and school. She worked herself to the bone to keep her mind busy. Each one she drew, she hated it. It either looked too colorful or too dull in her eyes. One trashed idea turned into five, which soon turned into dozens. She told herself that they all looked awful because of her lack of talent, but that was a lie. She knew she was subconsciously thinking about him deep down. When she got back from school, she was thinking about what caused him to feel something so drastic that caused him to be a resident of her Sekai. She continued drawing until suddenly she remembered what Mafuyu said when she met her in person for the first time.

“You all want to disappear more than anyone.”

That got her to drop her pen.

Since he was a resident then that meant he had similar feelings to everyone there. Then does that mean he wanted to disappear like how they all once felt? Was that the reason why he avoided meeting them in the Sekai? To see how she was doing and then disappear from her life?

She didn’t want to believe that, Akito was a lot stronger than he appeared and a lot stronger than she was.

At least that’s what she thought from the little she knew of him.

“He couldn’t have gone missing at the Sekai, he just ran away.” she kept on muttering and repeating to herself as if she was saying a mantra or prayer. It was a lie she told herself to feel better.

On Wednesday, she walked downstairs and looked at the living room. Her dad called earlier and asked how she was handling the situation. She broke down crying for a while and he listened to all of it. He could’ve hung up or said something, but he remained silent until she stopped. He reassured her that her brother was going to be found. She hoped that was true.

She scanned the living room and looked at the wooden drawer. On the bottom of the drawer there were stickers. This was before she entered Junior High, before her mom left her. She got stickers from class that day and wanted to put them on her notebook, but Akito suggested putting them somewhere else where she could always see them. Eventually they agreed to put it on the drawer since they would always pass by it. One sticker was put on and then another and another. They would put it at different angles to give the drawer some more “life”. She put one on Akito’s cheek and he would put one on hers, both agreeing they look pretty. They would laugh and hug each other because they were having so much fun. Then her mother came and screamed out loud because that was an expensive wooden drawer that they “ruined” but her dad came in and said it was alright since he thought that was art. They would sit at the opposite side of the dinner table so they could see what they did to the drawer.

She missed those simpler times.

Now all she did was boss him around, treating him like dirt, not respecting his own time.

The stickers were still there, fading away, but still attached. For now.

It has been a week since anyone has seen her brother. This Thursday would’ve been a week that he was “ignoring” her as revenge, but that was highly unlikely since no one has seen him. Two weeks without seeing him, she’d give up anything to see him again. The messages she received were all the same; no new info or people trying to cheer her up. 

She desperately wanted to see her brother so she scrolled through her photos to see her little brother. She scrolled and scrolled and scrolled.

She saw photos of herself.

Of desserts.

Of clothes.

Her friends.

Restaurants and stores.

But she didn’t see a single one of Akito.

The only photos she saw for now of Akito, his face wasn’t shown because the pancake or cheesecake were the main focus.

About 70,000 photos and she couldn’t find a photo of her brother where he was the main focus.

She cared more about taking photos of food than taking one of her only brother.

She walked to the fridge and saw the cake she bought for him. It was still there, getting staler as the days went on. She just realized the fridge was getting empty even though it was fairly full when she arrived home for the first time. 

He must’ve stocked up before he disappeared…

She went upstairs and checked the laundry basket and saw how empty it was without his clothes. It was just her clothes on the basket and it barely filled up half the basket. He still did her laundry when she was ignoring him, but she couldn’t do the same for him. This large basket of dirty clothes felt empty without his smelly clothes to fill it up. If she were to do laundry now, it would damage her clothes because there wasn’t enough. She had plenty of clothes to wear so it was fine, but her favorite ones needed to be clean. She had to wait another few days to do the laundry. She would flip a coin with him to decide who got to do laundry that week, a tradition she broke last week. This must’ve been how he was feeling every second for the past week. 

That Friday, she realized how much she took him for granted.

She needed to restock the fridge and went out to get groceries. The trip there was cold and empty. Usually she would whine about getting groceries but Akito would force her to deal with it and go. That kind of attitude passed the time quickly, but now since he wasn’t by her side, the trip felt like it took hours.

When she arrived at the store, she looked at the grocery list and proceeded to get what she needed. If she didn’t eat properly then she wouldn’t have energy to look for him when she got the chance. Usually they would split up but she was on her own. Getting most of the items was easy, she considered herself an expert at getting good ingredients. The problem she had though was that she couldn’t reach some item on the top shelf. She didn’t have the energy to ask someone for help so she chose a cheaper option where she could reach. Getting everything took about fifteen minutes longer than it usually did, but another problem came. She just realized she had a lot of bags to carry and she wasn’t strong enough to carry them all without getting tired and taking a break. The trip back home took thirty minutes longer than it normally had. She had to sit down and rest every couple of minutes. If her brother was here, he would’ve easily carried half the bags without breaking a sweat. Putting everything in their proper places took everything she had, her arms were on fire from carrying them, she never carried this much stuff all by herself in her life. She took a quick shower and nap before getting ready for her night class, she felt like she did the biggest workout of her life.

“Akito…” she cried out as she closed her eyes on her bed. Maybe in her dreams she could talk to him again. Going to bed was the only thing she was looking forward to, since each day that passed meant a chance of meeting him.

On Saturday morning, she was sleeping until she heard the doorbell ringing.

“Akito, go open that for me.” she mumbled out loud while drooling once again forgetting that he was missing once again.

It rang once more and that grabbed her attention.

Nobody usually rang the doorbell, was it him?!

She jolted out of bed wiping the drool out of her mouth and put on her slippers and ran downstairs to the front door.

“Akito!?” she swung the door open with all her might with a smile she gave for the first time.

“Hey Ena.” two familiar voices said, but either one didn’t belong to him.

“Oh. Hi Mizuki, Hi Airi.” her smile instantly died of and disappointment arrived. Neither of them took offense to that.

“Sorry for the short notice, we were worried about you.”

“Come on in, it’s freezing out.” she gestured and they both entered.

It was a while since Airi last visited the Shinonome household, usually it would end up being fun but now it was highly doubtful they’d have any fun. Her eyes were red and she had black bags under her eyes. All week she couldn’t take her mind off of either of the Shinonome siblings. Akito was like a little brother to her and he helped her a lot when they were younger even though they didn’t interact too much. Ena helped her in Junior High and was a reason she was on the idol career. She owed both of them a lot and now that he was missing, she couldn’t focus on anything. She’d usually point out mistakes that someone would make, usually Minori, but lately she was the one making even trivial mistakes. All she could think of was maybe he was too focused on helping Ena and neglected to help himself. Even Shizuku was acting weird, she was too quiet lately and wouldn’t tell anyone why she was acting differently than she usually does.

Mizuki, their face didn’t look as bad as Airi but deep down they were panicking a lot. They had faith that he would return but Ena hadn't been talking much during their night calls and An wouldn’t pester them about their attendance. Their friends were all suffering and they couldn’t do much to help. They wanted him to return, he was easy to talk to despite his personality. He made their life a lot more fun, from teasing Ena to teasing him in school. Now without him, it felt like their life became more boring and empty. They felt hopeless since the only thing they could do is hope and wait and talk to their friends, but that wasn’t enough for them, but what can they do?

“How have you been doing lately?” Airi asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m managing. I think.”

“Have you searched his room for clues?” Mizuki suggested.

“No. I’m too terrified to enter. I don’t deserve to enter his room, especially not after what I did and how I’ve been treating him.” she gripped her elbow to prevent it from trembling

“We’ll be here with you.”

Ena looked at their friends, their weak smiles meant they hadn't given up.

“I’m probably going to be a bigger mess.” she warned, she had trouble sleeping and she didn’t eat dinner last night. 

“Then we’ll be a massive mess with you.” Mizuki reassured her.

Airi nodded and Ena walked up the stairs and entered his room.

Despite what some may think, his room was a lot cleaner than you would expect. Only his desk was messy, but that’s because he worked on music there all the time.

“So this is what his room looks like.” if it were almost any other situation, Mizuki would’ve taken a selfie.

“His room was messier when he was younger.” Airi added on, reminiscing the old times.

“Yeah, it was.” Ena forced a smile and walked up to his desk. She noticed a drawer was wide open. “Sorry Akito, this’ll be the only time I’ll be searching through your stuff.” she dug through it searching for something that could lead her to his whereabouts.

Mizuki was looking at the room, still fascinated that it betrayed their imagination; they thought it would’ve been a mess with clothes thrown all over. His room was a lot busier than theirs, but it was still clean. They walked over to his CD case tower, searching for something that could be out of place. Maybe if there was a missing CD they could find out what was on his mind before he vanished.

Airi was looking around the floor and noticed the garbage can was toppled over. She went over it and noticed a picture frame and some glass pieces on the floor. She carefully grabbed the frame and noticed what was in it.

“Ena…” she hesitantly cried out, carefully pulling the photo outside of the frame.

“What is it?” she turned around and noticed what her old childhood friend was holding and she looked like she was about to cry.

It was a photo of them together back when they were younger, a little after that Summer festival where they both saw RAD WEEKEND. Except Akito had brown hair and was smiling.

“When was this?” Mizuki questioned, fascinated with Akito with brown hair.

“I think it was four or five years ago. I made a bet and won, so I made him dye his hair so we could look like twins…” she wasn’t about to cry just because Akito had that photo which even she forgot she took; she thought he deleted it from his phone because he said it was a hassle to dye his hair. She never would’ve thought he had a photo like this.

She was about to cry because the photo itself was ripped. She looked at where the garbage can was and noticed the glass pieces. She put two and two together and guessed that he grabbed it from the drawer she was just searching through and threw it in the trash. Akito’s face in the photo was ripping and had big scratch marks most likely from the glass shards. Ena’s face was a little wrinkled, but it didn’t look as bad as Akito’s half of the photo.

“So he really was fed up with me…” 

“Ena, you don’t know that for sure. Don’t think like that.”

“Stop lying Airi, you know what happened! I never saw this fancy photo frame before in my life, so he kept it a secret from me! If he cherished it and kept it a secret, then why is it now on the floor broken and ripped?! No one enters his room besides him so who else could’ve broke it!?”

Neither of her friends knew how to respond to that. They never would’ve ever figured he would act like this.

“Have you checked his computer yet?” Mizuki suggested trying to change the subject and the awkward tone in the air. The more they all thought about why this frame was on the floor, the worse their mood would become.

She shook her head and Mizuki proceeded to turn it on. Airi put the photo on the desk beside the computer, this was the only clue they have about him but it wasn’t a clue that was helpful to his whereabouts.

The computer was password protected, which was odd since no one would enter his room. They all just thought it was there just in case there was a burglar or something.

Mizuki clicked on ‘forgot password’ and a hint popped up:

Name of your hero.

“Even I know this much, it’s RAD WEEKEND.” Ena confidently said. He always talked about them.

Mizuki quickly typed that in and an error message popped up.

Incorrect password.

“Eh?” Ena gasped. 

If RAD WEEKEND wasn’t his hero, then she really knew nothing about him.

I opened my eyes and I found myself in bed. I don’t remember sleeping or being here. Did someone carry me here or was I on auto-pilot? I get up and look around. It’s a super dull and blank room. There’s no decoration and barely any furniture, there’s only this bed I’m on, a simple table, and two doors.

“Rise and shine. Did you enjoy crying yourself to sleep?” I see ‘me’ again, he’s sitting down with a palm on his chin. Did he drag me to this place? “You better eat something, otherwise I’ll shove it down your throat.” I look at the table again and I see a large piece of bread. 

“Do I have to eat?”

“Don’t you want to turn your wants into a have? What’s the point of being here if you didn’t?” he’s right. What was it that Miku said? This path I chose was ignorant bliss? 

I weakly and slowly grabbed the bread and slowly bit into it. Judging from the slight glare I see, it has butter in it but I taste nothing even though it was supposed to be at least a little salty.

“You mind if I ask you something?”

I shook my head slowly. I’m a little surprised he hasn’t choked me in my sleep. I wouldn’t have minded if that happened.

“Do you really believe that letter you found? Don’t you find it a bit funny that you found something like that in the trash? Don’t you think it’s something straight out of the comics and mangas you read? It seems too funny to be real.” he sneers at me.

I stopped chewing and I started thinking about it once again. It is true, it does feel like it came straight out of a comic or something. But it’s true and I know it. I am not a Shinonome, it explains too much. It explains why Ena’s mom abandoned her and her dad. It explains why I don’t look like a Shinonome with my stupid orange hair. And Arata, it makes too much sense that I’m his actual brother or whatever I am. I’m not smart but even I know some basic surface-level genetics. His eyes and his hair, they’re too similar to mine, it can’t just be a coincidence. He must've known that I was a bastard brother of his, it’s probably why he went after me so he could get revenge on me for being born. I deserve it, I deserve to be humiliated by him. I probably ruined his family just by existing. He deserves to be with VBS instead of an imposter like me. Maybe the reason why I don’t have talent was because I was suffocating in that locker when I was shoved in there, my lungs or throat was probably damaged or something. 

“Yes.” he looked at me with that disgusted look on his face. I ignore it and I finish eating. 

“Where’s Miku?” I asked.

“Do you really care?” honestly not really, but I am a little bit curious. “She’s wasting her time observing scum just like you.”

I wonder why, but it’s not my business. I am curious why she would be observing something as worthless as I am.

I got up and opened the door to my right. My instincts were telling me the other door was pointless to open.

I once again see a large crowd cheering loud and I see Arata on stage struggling. 

Ah, this was fairly recent, early October. Arata was battling Kotaki Taiga and he was losing terribly. Arata was giving his best and Taiga wasn’t even breaking a sweat. I knew he was going to be a giant wall, but I never imagined it would be this high. Arata trashed me, and here his opponent was treating him like he was a child. If I were to battle Taiga, then he’d trash me like I was a disposable cup. I wouldn’t even be good enough to be a morning warm-up routine for him. He wouldn’t even bother looking in my direction, I’m just a background character in his life, no I’m below that, I’m just a sidewalk to step on. 

Maybe that’s why I was wasting my time with Toya as my partner. Taiga had an interest in Kohane, the least experienced one in her group, yet she was still good enough for him. To say I was jealous of her would be the biggest understatement of the century. I was happy for her, but I realized I would never get anyone’s attention. I wish she didn’t get his attention, but that’s a selfish thought. I’m the most selfish, ungrateful punk out there to be thinking like that. I know Kohane would make VBS proud with the advice he gave her, she has the talent to heavily outweigh her lack of experience unlike me.

If I wasn’t Toya’s partner, then Taiga would’ve given the group his advice. Why would anyone give me advice when I’m just a parasite to everyone? It’s because of me Toya was never recognized by him. Ken only recognizes me out of pity because I was An’s friend. If Arata was Toya’s partner, then everybody in VBS would’ve been recognized by everyone in RAD WEEKEND.

I look around for the next door, being here is now pointless, like me. The more I see my brother being trashed by Taiga, the faster I wish he would replace me and surpass RAD WEEKEND. My brother shouldn’t have been the one being trashed by Taiga, I should've been the one humiliated by him, it’s not fair to him. I walk away from the crowd and see the door to my next destination, it was the exit door out of this live house. 

How fitting, I don’t deserve to be here so I should be kicked out. I should never enter one of these ever again and leave for good.

“Tell me, would you live your life again? Would you relive this life you led?” I hear him somewhere, but I don’t see him.

“I didn’t live the worst life. I had a home and had a family to go to unlike some people in the world, but if I was given the option to relive this life, then there’s no way in hell I would live this life again. I would without a doubt, without even thinking about it, without hesitation I would immediately refuse. I wish I was aborted, to have never existed, I hate everything about it. Look at me, living a spoiled life, I’m complaining like a baby when there are other people in a far worse situation than I am. I don’t have the right to complain, my life is not important and it never ever will be.”

“I thought you were strong? What happened to your so-called devotion to music?” he sounded a little angry, or maybe annoyed? I can’t tell right now.

“I’m not strong. I never was, people just assume that I am because of my looks and true attitude. I just look strong, that’s all. The worst thing about being and looking strong is that no one asks if you’re ok. Every time someone asked me if I was ok, I felt like they never meant it because I’d just tell them I was ok and they would quickly or eventually drop it and continue on. But deep down inside, I’m suffering and being tortured. Every time someone asked me if I was ok, I wanted to break down and cry, but boys aren’t supposed to cry.”

“You can cry here all you want, it is your Sekai after all. No one would see you being this pathetic. Well, besides Miku and I of course. We were born from you after all.”

I don’t respond to him. I don’t know what that is supposed to mean and I no longer care.

“Well, enjoy your time here and rot away. It’s what you deserve for wasting everybody’s time.” 

I open the door and leave and I see myself on stage again once I open my eyes.

There’s a mic on my hand but I can’t feel it, my hands feel more sore and numb than it usually does.

I look at the crowd and they don’t look pleased. They all look like they were insulted and ready to fight.

And within a blink of an eye, I feel something hit my eye. I dropped the mic and put my hands to my right eye. I looked at what hit me and it was a bottle of water.

Oh. 

“Get off the stage kid! You fucking suck!” I heard some guy in the crowd yell out at me.

Right.

Everything froze as I recall this memory of mine.

It was the first time I sang at a live house, about two months after I first heard RAD WEEKEND. I practiced so I could be good and it took me a while to book my first performance. I was excited to sing in public for the first time, but I was also nervous. I didn’t think I sounded that terrible but the crowd didn’t share the same thought. Some guy hated my performance so much that he actually threw something at me while I was singing. He was kicked out immediately and I just left instantly before one of the employees talked to me. I ran home and I cried myself to sleep. That was when I realized I was a talentless failing piece of shit. Neither of the Shinonomes weren’t  home, so that was around the time we all started becoming distant. This is when I started to keep things to myself since they didn’t care.

But that’s not how it should’ve gone.

Everything unfroze and the crowd started booing and throwing stuff at me. I let everything hit me, not bothering to block or leave the stage. My clothes became a wreck and the insults became louder and louder as I got pelted with more things. This is what should’ve happened. Everybody back then should’ve said I suck and thrown things at me. I also see Shinonome Ena and everybody from VBS in the crowd also throwing stuff at me. I’m not angry that they’re pelting me with stuff, instead I’m proud. They should’ve done this from the very beginning, they all made a mistake allowing me to hop on their success while I did nothing to contribute. This time, I feel something hit my head harder than the other junk but I don’t bother to see what was thrown. I feel something dripping down my head, it was warm and smelled of iron. It was blood but I don’t care, the cut wasn’t deep nor big. I just let it slowly flow down my face.

This is what I deserve.

This is what happens when I try.

“Didn’t you say you have people to rely on? What happened to that? Don’t tell me you’re a liar on top of being a talentless failure?” he angrily pointed out to me. Those words echo to me, I did say those words long ago.

I guess I am a liar. I told myself that to feel better, but I know none of them would understand me. They have no idea what it’s like to be this talentless, to be me. If the Shinonomes didn’t understand me, then who would? My so-called adopted family I used to live with didn’t care about me so why would my friends? My so-called blood mother left me to die and she made the right decision. I’m an imposter living a life I don’t deserve, a life that outlived its purpose, a life that stole someone else’s role.

The floor beneath me popped open like a trap door and I fall down, hopefully to my death. As I’m falling, I see a movie screen for a brief moment as I land on my shoulders. I don’t bother getting up, I belong here on the floor like the filthy, worthless trash I am. No that’s wrong, that’s an insult to trash. Trash could be recycled and be reused, I can’t and never will be useful even as a corpse. I see the mic I was holding within my reach but I smacked it away. I don’t deserve to hold that anymore and I never will ever again. All I feel is literal blood, sweat, and tears making a puddle around me. Everything I’ve done was a waste of my time just like football, I have nothing to look forward to. I just laid here on the floor crying like a baby. That’s all I’m good at, crying and whining because that’s the only thing I can do. I have no one to help me and all I can do is cry and scream out loud in silence, all alone with no one to help me. No one will know and no one will care.

Chapter Text

One morning at the Street Sekai, Len was in his bed, turning around trying to find a comfortable position, but no matter what he did he felt uncomfortable. Flipping his pillow to the cold side didn’t work, counting sheep failed, putting one leg out of the blanket didn't work. He didn’t sleep well, every time he rested and thought he had a long rest, he would wake up not too long later. All he could think about was his missing friend and what he could do to help. If he can help. He was supposed to help VBS with their problems and feelings but he failed. He failed and because of that Akito is gone.

He then heard the door opening and saw Rin, locking eyes with her.

“Len! You’re finally awake!” Rin was excited to see her partner awake, she jumped on his bed and tackled him, embracing him with a wide hug.

“I woke up last night, and it’s too early for this Rin.” Len said, unexpected to be greeted with this much energy.  

“Sorry but no, you have no idea how worried we all were.” she continued to hug him while he didn’t bother to push her off.

“Sorry to worry you, but I’m awake now. No need to worry anymore.” he would’ve gently pushed her off by now, but he didn’t have the energy to do so. He slowly returned the hug with as little energy he could muster.

She was ready to be pushed off which she prepared by gripping him harder, but that prediction of her’s didn’t come true. The hug lasted way longer than she intended and expected.

“Len, you’ve heard about what happened right?” she let go and changed the subject. She bit her lips and stared at the ground for a brief moment, she was afraid to look at his reaction.

He just nodded weakly without looking her in the eye.

“Come on, I know it’s bad news but we’ll find him! There’s like at least twelve people looking for him, we’re bound to find him sooner or later so please cheer up! Let’s go look for him after we get coffee!”

“I’ll try.” he simply responded, he got off his bed and put on his shoes and headed downstairs following Rin like a baby duck.

The café looked like nothing happened to it, everything was fixed up like it was brand new. Meiko was behind the counter cleaning cups, Miku was beside her helping her out like she often does. Kaito and Luka were nowhere to be found, which was normal, they were always off doing their own thing.

“You’re awake, good morning.” Miku noticed and greeted.

“Did you sleep well?” Meiko also greeted, she looked normal like nothing happened.

“No.” he shook his head.

They all knew the reason why.

“So do you want the usual black coffee?” Miku asked. Meiko was about to grab a coffee cup from the shelf.

“No.” he responded walking up to an empty seat sitting down with his hands on his lap.

“Eh?” came out of everyone’s mouth.

“Oh, perhaps you’re in the mood for one of my special blends then?” Meiko suggested.

“No thank you. I’ll just have some juice.” he responded, he didn’t bother to look at them. This was the first time they all saw him refuse coffee, especially one of Meiko’s special blends. 

Meiko had an idea why, her reaction was similar to his. They both did not handle the news well and broke down. She was outside for a while even after Len left but Luka and Miku stayed with her. It was the first time either of them saw her like this. She was always the strong one in the group so to see her cry was painful. She would usually tell stories about Akito to them like a mother embarrassing her children. Now that he was gone it was like she lost herself also. She didn’t want to get up and open the café but she had to. If she wasn’t strong and there then who else would comfort the children whenever they visited? They were also suffering so she had to be there for them, she promised them that she would help them.

Rin never saw her partner be this quiet. By now he would’ve accepted the offer and Miku would just tease him which would cause him to yell. He would always brag about how he could slowly handle black coffee compared to her, slowly becoming used to the taste like Toya. Yet here he was refusing coffee for the literal first time and asking for juice like a kid would. All she could do right now was be there for him and look around the Sekai. She couldn’t fault him for acting like that.

Miku. She was always the one to tease him about everything since it entertained her. She hung out with him a lot and teasing Meiko wasn’t fun nor a good idea. When she first awoke with Meiko, she wondered where Len was, he was the last person to be with her. She worried where he was, the headache she felt had something to do with it. She got up and checked the time, she was about to call one of the kids because something important happened to them but it was early morning, none of them were awake at this hour. She called out his name and Meiko also woke up. Luka heard her voice and was there to explain everything to her, she and Kaito found them and brought them back to their rooms. Unfortunately Len woke up not too long after and she had to hear the news twice. Luka was the one to tell her that she should be the one to tell him the news since she was with him often if the children or Rin wasn’t there. She agreed but it was still a heavy burden to bear, she had no time to prepare nor rehearse. Seeing him now felt wrong, he was suppose to be loud, trying to act cool like Akito, or do something stupid. But here he is being silent like a statue.

“Rin, how about you?” Miku asked.

“Oh, I’ll just have the usual.” Meiko nodded and prepared their orders.

“Where’s Luka and Kaito?” Len asked, breaking his silence.

“Luka is looking around while Kaito is somewhere else resting. She should be here soon.” Miku responded. 

“Was there any luck last night?” 

She shook her head.

“We’ll find him for sure! So chin up!” Rin tried to cheer him up.

“I’ll try.” he stared down on his lap giving a weak nod.

He’ll try to cheer up, he says. He would’ve slammed the table with his hands and gotten up being loud like his twin. It was like someone replaced him and had no idea how he acted.

“Here you two go, your orders.” Meiko placed their drinks in front of them.

“Thanks!”

“Thank you.” he weakly picked up the glass and took a small sip from it.

They all looked at him sadly, they all missed him but it looked like he took it the hardest, about as hard as the children also. Nobody has seen him look like this and it hurts them, they would rather deal with him sulking or being loud while arguing than to see him like this another day. 

“I’m back.” a pink haired girl’s voice said.

“Welcome back, you’re here earlier than expected. Did something happen?” everyone faced her, even Len but he just barely glanced at her direction. 

“Unfortunately no.” she shook her head. 

“I see. For now take a rest, have some water.”

“Thanks.” she noticed Len’s attitude. “Hey Len, do you wanna search with me later on?” he shrugged ever so weakly.

“Let me join too.” Rin added in, he was her partner and twin so it was her responsibility to help him out.

“Sure.”

“Before you do, you mind helping me out in back Rin?” she nodded.

“Sure, what is it that you need help with?” she got up and followed Meiko in the backroom. 

“I need help with inventory. Miku, don’t burn down the café while I’m gone, ok?”

“Why do you always say that to me?” Luka gave a weak smile. Last time she saw her cook, she used the oven to toast bread on max settings which caused the toast to turn to literal ash. 

Now it was just the three of them again just like last night.

“Has anyone called? Or are their answers still the same?” Len mumbled out loud.

“No luck.” Miku boldly answered straight to the point. “But that doesn’t mean they’re giving up, so we can’t either.”

“I know.”

“Want something to eat? Can’t help out on an empty stomach.”

“Not hungry.” he answered immediately. “I’ll eat after I’m done looking for him.”

Miku bit the inside of her gums.

“I feel like the streets are changing.” Luka changed the subject.

“Isn’t that normal? That it feels like it’s always expanding?”

“No, nowadays it’s changing. Certain alleyways I went to in the past are no longer there or were a dead end. I’ve never seen that happen in the past.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s not, it means that we can’t properly map off the area then. It’s like this Sekai is keeping its secrets from everyone, like it’s trying to block us.”

Len lifted his head up and looked towards Luka’s direction.

“Could you repeat the last part again?” he gently asked, this time louder.

“Like how this Sekai’s alleys are  constantly changing, like it’s trying to protect its secrets from us?”

“Secrets…” he mumbled to himself, he thought about why that sounded familiar. Then it hit him. “Thank you Luka, I’ll be back!” he got up and dashed out the door.

“Wait Len!” they both shouted out. Luka went after him along with Miku who jumped over the counter like some sort of athlete.

“Len, wait! Where are you going?!” Luka shouted, as the oldest one there she had to keep watch over him.

“Wait for us!” Miku was not too far behind despite being the last one to leave the café. Meiko is probably gonna scold her for leaving the café unsupervised, but she’ll eventually forgive her since Len ran out.

Len sprinted even faster, climbing fences and not stopping. It didn’t seem like he heard either of them.

Luka finally noticed where he was going, it was the secret spot they both found for Akito a while back, she forgot about this. 

After about ten minutes of non-stop chasing, they both finally caught up to him. They were both exhausted, panting and sweating as their knees gave out.

“Finally.” Miku was gasping for air, she never ran like this in her life. Her legs felt like jelly and they were shaking. “Len, why’d you run off here?” she opened her eyes and saw him on his knees. She looked around and saw a tunnel covered by rubble. It looked like there was an earthquake here.

“What is this place? Why did you run here?” she asked.

“This was a spot Len and I found for Akito a while back, it was supposed to be our secret spot that led to a place for him to practice. I-I don’t know why the place looks like this though.” Luka answered.

Len walked towards the rubble in front of him and started to push away the rocky rubble one by one.

“Len, what are you doing?” Miku grabbed his hands, stopping him from injuring himself.

“What does it look like? I’m clearing out this rubble.” he was sweating and he was still out of breath from all that running.

“I know but why?”

“Akito might be behind here.” Miku didn’t say anything. There was a possibility he could be behind here but there was the possibility he couldn’t be. “Let go. The sooner I finish, the sooner we can look for him. This is the only place I know where I could be doing something to help.” he didn’t yell, but he begged. “This is the only thing I can do. It’s better than doing nothing like what I’ve been doing. I don’t want to sit around and sleep while he could be behind here.”

She looked at his eyes and they were so desperate, he really wanted to dig past this entire tunnel for a chance to find him.

Luka walked up next to her and placed her hand on her shoulder. 

“Let him, this is so far our only clue.” Luka shook her head.

“What if he gets hurt? What if the tunnel collapses while he’s in there? I don’t want to lose him too! If he gets hurt, Meiko and Rin will never forgive me! I’d never forgive myself if that happened!” she let go of his hand only to face Luka’s. He ignored them both and he continued to throw each rock out of the way.

“That’s why I’ll help him. I’ll make sure he won’t hurt himself, you go back to the café and tell Meiko our plan. She’s probably annoyed that the café was left unsupervised.”

“Do you even remember how long the tunnel is? Who knows how long that’ll take?”

“It could’ve gotten shorter, this Sekai did change a bit. Besides, I doubt Len would care how long it’ll take, as long as he gets it done it wouldn’t matter.”

“What about An and the others? Len should be there to help them all.”

“You know as well as I do they won’t mind. Besides, there's still the rest of us. Heck they could even help him clear the rubble.” Miku lightly sighed.

“I’m still not going.” Miku demanded.

“Why?”

“I forgot the way back.” Miku looked away, her face red and her eyes closed.

“Oh right, you were just following us.” she gave a small giggle.

“You two could go back, I’ll be here.” Len continued to dig out the rocks in the way. So far there were no large rocks which was fortunate.

“Then who would be watching over you?” Luka asked. “That is out of the question.”

“Then how about you go back to the café and help Meiko while Miku stays here?” he immediately suggested.

“Alright, fine. But you’re going back to the café for lunch, got it?”

“Ok.” he obediently agreed.

“See you two in a few hours.” Luka walked off. “I’m gonna get the scolding of a lifetime for this.”

Miku stayed and watched him make little progress. It could take him weeks or months to clear all that rubble by himself. 

“Do you really think he’s gone?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Eh?” she didn’t expect him to make conversation. “No, I’m sure he’s out there somewhere.”

“Then I hope we find him soon, hopefully behind here.” 

She nodded, his straightforward and honest attitude is why she likes hanging out with him a lot despite the headaches she gets whenever he fights with Rin.

“I might as well help, standing here and watching you is boring.” she stood by his side and started clearing the rubble.

“I could do this by myself, you’ll hurt yourself.”

“Oh? Are you worried about me? How adorable and hypocritical of you, but I’m your senpai. Can’t let my kouhai do all the hard work.” even if she didn’t, Meiko and Rin would nag at her until she did. “Sorry that I found out your secret spot you gave to him.”

“It’s fine, it’s an emergency so I’m sure he’ll forgive us. He likes me so he’ll forgive me really quickly.” he smiled slightly, which Miku noticed. “Thanks for helping.”

“No need to thank me, I know you would’ve done the same for me if I were in your spot right now.”

“Wha? RAD WEEKEND isn’t Akito’s hero?” Ena glanced at the poster on her brother’s wall. It was framed and well kept. If RAD WEEKEND wasn’t his hero then who was? That was the only thing she was confident in and now that info was wrong then she was truly a stranger to him.

“Maybe it’s one of the members?” Airi suggested while searching for their names on her phone. “Try Kotaki Nagi.”

Mizuki quickly typed that name in.

Incorrect password.

“Kotaki Taiga?”

They all hoped this was the right one.

Incorrect password.

“Shiraishi Ken. This has to be it, he’s the only one left.”

“I think I heard him mention his name and his café here and there. That guy’s name should be the password.”

They all gulped.

Incorrect password.

“What now?” Ena weakly whispered out, collapsing on her knees, looking away from the computer screen staring at nowhere.

“We keep on trying and think what could be it.” Mizuki answered.

“What good is that? The one thing I thought I knew about my brother turns out to be wrong! I’m supposed to know him the best but turns out I know jack shit about him! Why am I his sister?! I’m the worst person capable of being a sister, I haven’t seen him in weeks! I barely even talk to him even before this mess I created! What kind of person does that?!”
“Calm down, it’s way too soon to give up.” Mizuki tried to calm her down.

“I don’t want to but do you have any idea who his hero could be then?! You see him more often than I do so he probably talks to you more! Tell me then, who could it be?” Mizuki had nothing to say, they had no info on that. They spent more time teasing him than anything else.

“What about you then Airi? You like him a lot more than I do! You respect him way more than I do! You were the last one to see him out of the three of us! Do you have any clue?!”

She looked away. She didn’t even have his phone number. If she really cared then she would’ve asked him for his contact info. 

“Mizuki you talk to An, she’s in his group. Does she have any idea who else it could be?”

“No…” all they hear about is RAD WEEKEND from her or Akito’s mouth about their hobbies. 

“Now what? The biggest chance we have at finding him and we instantly hit a dead end! I can’t think of anything else in his room that could give us a clue to his password! It could be anybody for all we know and I doubt a computer technician could help us right now!” she grabbed her hair and started pulling to which both of her friends quickly grabbed her arms, stopping her from doing something she’ll regret.

She did have a point though, the password could be anything and if it wasn’t the obvious answer then what could it be? Neither of them would dare say that out loud though.

“Calm down, you’re giving up too soon! We just have to think harder.” Airi grabbed her left hand and pinned it to the ground while Mizuki pinned down her other hand.

“Calm down?! How can I calm down!? I know nothing about my brother because I’m so stupid and selfish! Because of that he’s gone and I’m to blame because I don’t think about anyone but myself!” she tried to free herself, struggling as if she was being kidnapped.

“Ena that’s not true!” Mizuki immediately rebutted her, slightly putting more force on her arms while carefully not hurting her. “If that were true then why are we here? If you were so selfish then why are we friends with you!”

“You know that’s true! If that wasn’t true then why did I say those cruel things to him! I avoided him for a week and now because of that he could be dead! I’m such a massive wreck! Why did I say those things to him? Why did I say such cruel words when he was still in pain and hospitalized? Why did I leave him alone?” she closed her eyes and stopped tightening her arms, tears dripping down the side of her eyes. Both girls let go and watched her put her hands to her face.

She sniffled and hiccuped, snot ran down her nose, saliva was dripping down like she was a hungry lion about to eat a gazelle. This went on for what felt like eternity. Both of her friends wanted to join in and cry with her, but all they could feel was pain in their chests as if someone was squeezing their hearts. Not a single word was said between them, they both sat down next to her. If he were here then he’d be making a giant fit about his floor being turned into a mess. She wished he was here, she missed hearing his voice. She wanted to hear him yell at her, to scream at her for how she’s been treating him.

Airi opened her mouth but nothing came out. She bit her lips, frustrated that she couldn’t find the proper words to help her. If she were in her position, would she be saying the same things as her if one of her sisters went missing? The thought terrified her, she had her own fair share of fights from time to time but what if one day she went too far and one, or even both, left her? Her parents would be devastated.

Parents.

She wondered where her mother was at a time like this. She never met her and has never heard a single thing about her. She should be here comforting her daughter.

“Hey, maybe we should order something. It’s still the morning, maybe if we eat something we’ll all stop being moody.” Mizuki suggested while giving a painful smile, trying to keep her friend in line. Ena said she was willing to wait for Mizuki once they were ready to open up. If they weren’t patient with her, they’d be a hypocrite.

“You think because I’m hungry it’s the reason why I’m being so moody!?” she got up and blew on her nose on a napkin Airi handed her.

“Well you just woke up. We haven’t eaten anything yet and we could brainstorm some ideas while eating. Besides, you haven’t been eating that much lately haven’t you?”

Ena said nothing. She wasn’t starving herself, but she wasn’t eating as much as she normally does. Even though she usually ate alone, whether in her room or on the kitchen table, this time it felt different. The food she ate tasted worse, like the taste buds on her tongue knew that without Akito it wouldn't be the same. The house was too quiet like it was abandoned. Not hearing him complain about her attitude was nothing more than a distant memory now. Not having him wake her up felt like a dream. Without him, the house was too large for her like it was a mansion.

“Come on, how about we make some pancakes? It’ll keep our mind off of things for a little bit. Maybe we’ll have better luck once our stomachs are full and in a better mood? The three of us sitting on the floor won’t be helping anyone.” Airi added on to Mizuki’s suggestion.

“Alright.” Ena nodded as she continued sniffling. Her friends offered their hands to her and she got up with their help. Her eyes weren’t this red since the time she lashed out at her brother back in Junior High, screaming at him to get out and away from her sight. She recounts that everytime she lashed out at him like that, their relationship got more and more strained and distant. Except this time she felt like she burnt that bridge while he was still crossing it, falling down while being burnt alive.

They all walked downstairs to the kitchen gathering all the supplies needed to make pancakes.

“When was the last time you had pancakes?” Airi asked both of them.

“Haven’t had them in weeks since the last time Ena dragged us to that special pancake place, the one where they only serve ten a day. Those were amazing, if you want I could take you there one day.”

“Sure, that’s a promise. Have you had pancakes since we last hung out?” she turned to the short-haired girl.

“No, I haven’t had the energy to make or go out to get them lately.” Ena shook her head.

“Well now’s your chance to have them again, bet you missed having them. Don’t worry, we’ll make you your fix.”

“Thanks.” she simply nodded and brought out the plates and utensils.

Airi and Ena used to do this often back in junior high whenever she visited the Shinonome’s house; making pancakes whenever they got hungry while studying, often going out to eat sweets after school. Those were simpler times they both missed, not having to worry about as many things. Now within a couple of years they both barely hang out, it took a missing boy for them to talk to each other in person more than once a month. Airi usually only had time to hang out with her once a month, but now she had to change up a lot of her schedule for her friend and for him.

“You know, how come Lil Bro likes the same food as you?” Mizuki asked, curious just like the time they commented on Ena’s introduction.

Ena stopped mixing the pancake mix and stared down at the mix.

“Um, did I ask something I shouldn’t have?” they were scared that they pushed the wrong button.

“No.” she continued to mix again. “Just thinking.”

Airi turned her head to Ena, flipping pancakes on the frying pan, even she didn’t know the reason. She needed to hear this, curiosity filling her mind.

“Would you believe me if I said Akito was a giant crybaby when he was really young?”

“What? Our Lil Bro, crying? No way!” they tried to imagine him crying, but failed. All they could imagine was Akito causing someone else to cry. 

“Akito-kun crying? That’s hard to believe since I’ve seen him covered in scratches whenever I saw him. Still, that sounds kinda adorable.” 

“I know right? Hard to believe but yeah, it was before I was in junior high. He’d cry and cry a lot and I’d try to cheer him up. Half the time it worked and the other half it didn’t. So one day I decided to make pancakes for the both of us since I ate pancakes often for breakfast. The first time he had it, he hugged me because it was that good and it made him feel better. Same thing with cheesecake, whenever he was feeling extra down I’d go out and buy a slice for the both of us.” she gave a somber smile, staring at the pancake mix she handed to Airi. “Turns out he’d do the same to me just as much, if not more. He cried about the time the dog bit him or the time he accidentally tripped and landed on his head. He usually never cried out loud though, he’d cry quietly to himself which annoyed us. Boys aren’t supposed to cry, right?” 

“I really hope you’re being sarcastic about that last part.” Mizuki crossed their arms, eyebrows furrowing.

“I am I am. Even I’m not that simple minded. My mom was though…” she stayed silent, not even breathing.

“Your mom?”

“It’s nothing, it’s not important.” she shook her head. “I haven’t seen him cry in years though, I think he stopped crying when he started football.”

“Seems like I was just a little too late to see a crying kid Akito.” Airi jokingly stated. “Say, when is your dad coming back?”

“I think in about two weeks? I need to call him again later.”

“…And your mom?” Airi intentionally asked.

“…”

 The only thing that could be heard was the stove and the sound of pancakes being cooked on the frying pan. Mizuki realized this was a sensitive topic, Ena must’ve had a good reason to stay silent.

“Dunno.”

Airi was expecting her to get annoyed or dodge the question like she normally would.

“I see.” Mizuki answered for Airi, their eyes glanced at Ena’s. Her eyes felt empty, her mouth frowning slightly more since the mention of her mom. She wasn’t ready to talk about her mom. “Come on, let's hurry up! I’m starving!” they suddenly shouted.

“Almost done, pour the orange juice or coffee for everyone while I finish the last of the batter.”

“You got it.” Mizuki took out three glass cups from the dish rack. “Sleepyhead, coffee or orange juice? And you Airi-chan?”

“How come I get the dumb nickname treatment while Airi doesn’t?” 

“I’m willing to bet all the money I saved up that you woke up right before we got here. If we didn’t ring the doorbell you would still be sleeping.”

“I’m willing to bet all my money on that too. Oh and orange juice, I need to cut back on coffee, it dehydrates me.” Airi immediately agreed with a small grin on her face.

“...” Ena’s face turned slightly pink. “Coffee please.”

“Oh, no annoying remark? Was I right on the mark? No need to feel embarrassed, everyone knows about your poor sleep schedule. Well, if you can even call it a schedule.”

“Oh haha, very funny. You should grow up to be a comedian then.”

“I do have a friend that could help me with that, he could make my shows a blast. Literally.”

“Do I wanna know?” she raised an eyebrow, curious about what they said.

“Probably not, he’s always making stuff that blows up at school or causing a giant mess, so the teachers are always after him. Like the other month he made a time machine. Well apparently.”

“Right… I’ll just never ask questions about this guy, it seems like I’ll be sent to prison just by being near him.”

“Oh don’t worry, he’s really good at running away. He hasn’t been caught.”

“Yet.” Ena added to the sentence, with a strained smile. Her gut was telling her to avoid this guy at all costs.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to meet one of my friends.” they put their plate down on the table and started sobbing with hands covering their face. “And you’re being so rude towards him.”

“Disgusting.” her face scrunched up at the sight of their fake ass tears. It reminded her of Akito’s and Mafuyu’s fake ass attitude when meeting someone outside of their normal group.

“She’s being mean to meeeee!” Mizuki whined towards Airi’s direction, she was finishing up the last batch of pancakes.

“You two better get along or I swear no more pancakes!”

“Even you’re going along with the shitty joke!?” 

“Ena you better apologize right now or you won’t be eating these pancakes!”

“I. Hate. Both of you. So much.”

“Love you too Ena.” Airi walked towards the table with two plates.

“I hope I never dorm with you two in the future.”

“I’ll be sure to tell my fans all about your stories once my group gets bigger.” 

“And I’ll be sure to be the cause of those stories.” Mizuki gave the widest grin.

“I need better friends.” 

“We’re the best you’re gonna have, so you’re stuck with us forever and ever. And hurry up and eat, the pancakes will get cold.”

“Yeah yeah, no need to tell me twice.” she picked up her knife and started to eat her first meal of the day.

The three of them ate their food silently, the only thing that could be heard were the sounds of knives gently hitting the plate and cups being put down after someone drank. As quickly as the fun started, the air around them started to tense up again. They knew the stupid conversation they had would be in the backseat once they resume their search for clues. Ena wished her friends were here just to have fun, like going shopping for clothes or going out to eat at a cake place. The three of them never hung out all together, one of them was usually too busy. It took a missing brother, their friend, for them to be together. Each of them hated the silence, they were too familiar with it.

Mizuki used to eat alone to avoid hearing people talking. They would talk about how weird they were. So they ate alone, but luckily they met Rui who accepted them for who they were and had a love for fun things. Airi didn’t really have any good friends back then because people would just gossip about her appearances on tv. Even though she was friendly (although a little pushy at times) nobody wanted to talk to her, so she accepted that she would be alone during junior high. Nobody invited her to eat lunch, go shopping, or anything. Everyone in her class just assumed she’d just be snobby because she was on tv, just didn’t like her, or just assumed she was busy. Everyone besides Ena.

And Ena. Ena was the most familiar with silence out of the three. She’s been experiencing it for over a decade. Ever since her mom left, the dinner table had an extra seat and the dish rack had one too many plates and bowls. The only time she remembered when the house was noisy after she left was when her brother was crying, but that was maybe a few instances she could remember. At least back then she had her brother to break the silence.

At least until she was in junior high.

She remembered she was even more frustrated back then due to her lack of talent in art. The art class traumatized her and every time she looked at her brother, she wanted his talent. “Why him?” she would constantly think to herself. “Why does he have the talent I want even though he doesn’t want it? It’s not fair. Give me it.” was all she thought towards him. She’d take dinner to her room to avoid seeing him as much as possible. “If mom was here, I wouldn’t be feeling this.” were the words on her mind every time she forced herself to pick up a pen or a paintbrush back then. Picking those up felt like picking up a boulder. Being jealous of the younger sibling was pathetic, she’s the older sister, older childs are supposed to be the talented ones. He even pitied her to the point he tried to comfort her; that was supposed to be her job. And when the world was pushing itself on her shoulders, she snapped and lunged towards him like a starving cheetah hunting down prey. He was in her room and she was tired of being jealous of him. To her, he would never know how she’d felt about being talentless and being jealous of someone else. She clawed at him, screaming and moving about like a wild animal. Every time he tried to struggle, she clawed at him even more. Every time he got a hold of her hands, she’d bite him. He had no right to struggle when he was the one with talent. She couldn’t remember what his face looked like or what he said. All she remembered at the end of that incident was that a fountain pen rolled by her and screamed “I WISH YOU WEREN’T TALENTED!” to his face. And after that, all she could recall was that she cried herself to sleep. 

Her days got even more silent after all that. He mostly left her alone until she wanted something, that’s how their relationship has been for years now. Now her days are completely silent. She hurt him in the distant past and once again in the present. She wanted to slap herself until her face turned black and blue. If she wasn’t so stupid, so emotional, she wouldn’t have attacked him back then and she wouldn’t have said those awful things to him at the hospital. She wanted things to go back to how things were, when everything was going so well; when she had an entire family to go back to.

“Hey Mizuki, do you remember the time we had pancakes with him back during the summer?” Ena suddenly spoke, finally cutting the silence that was strangling everyone. 

“What’s this all of a sudden? Wait, you don’t mean THAT incident?” Mizuki chuckled lightly.

“What incident?” Airi questioned curiously. “You make it sound like something bad happened.”

“Well something bad did happen.”

“Well don’t just stop there, tell me! You can’t start a conversation like that and NOT tell me.”

“We will, we will!” Mizuki hastily replied back, reassuring her curiosity.

“Back during the summer I forced Akito to come with us to a special pancake place. Mizuki thought it’d be a good way to spend the day since all of us didn’t have any plans for the day.”

“Well that and I need him to wake you up, and knowing him, he needed a little reward.”

“Hey, I need my beauty sleep.”

“And you need to learn to wake up early, especially when you were the one who decided when we’d meet up.”

“I said I had several alarms on!”

“And how many did you turn off while sleeping?”

“Not important! I still got up in the end!”

“Yeah cuz of Lil Bro!” Mizuki gave her a deadpan stare.

“Yeah, you’re in the wrong here Ena.” Airi gave her opinion while shaking her head slightly.

“You too?!”

“Anyways,” Mizuki continued on, ignoring Ena. “we all just barely made it since they were almost sold out. Lil Bro gave you the biggest glare, it was hilarious! I should’ve taken a photo!”

“Hey, I apologized! Besides, what matters in the end is that we got our pancakes in the end.”

“Yeah, just barely.” Airi intervened again.

“You’re not helping!” Airi and Mizuki gave her a mocking grin.

“ANYWAYS, before I was so rudely interrupted. Again!” Ena coughed a little to regain her composure. “After we ate, I made Akito deal with the bill.” Airi opened her mouth. “With my money! Not his!” she immediately spoke out, causing her friend to jump slightly. “Then we went outside ahead of him.”

“Then we got mugged.” Mizuki cut her off.

…

“YOU TWO GOT WHAT!?” Airi slammed her hands on the table, almost causing the cups to spill.”

“Dammit Mizuki, you worded that terribly! Ok technically we got mugged, but-”

“You two weren’t hurt were you!?” 

“No! No! Just the opposite! Some random guy ran past us and stole our purses just as soon as Akito went out the door.”

“The look on his face was hilarious now that I think about it, Lil Bro did a double take at us and then in the direction of the guy that mugged us.”

“Then he sprinted towards the guy like some sort of marathon runner.”

“They ran for a long time and he ended up in the park sitting on the guy that almost mugged us.”

“You could’ve just said that, you almost gave me a heart attack.” Airi let out a giant sigh of relief, her muscles stopped tensing and she relaxed.

“Yeah, but if I said that we were almost mugged it would be a boring story. It was more fun and dramatic the way I said it.” Mizuki gave their signature smirk.

“Ok now I see why Ena gets so irritated with you around.” she gave a strained smile.

“Thank you!”

“Love you too Ena, teehee.” 

“Still, I’m kind of jealous. I don’t have any stories like that with him. We don’t talk to each other that often unfortunately. Now I wish I could go to your school so I could have these kinds of stories to tell someone.”

“You will once we find him.” Mizuki instantly gave a serious face, their happy look replaced.

“Yeah.” Airi gave a bitter, but hopeful smile. She wanted to see her old friend again.

“I’ll do the dishes, you two could go rest up or whatever.” Ena picked up all the plates and utensils and walked up to the sink before any of them could refute her. They both noticed she was biting her lips.

Airi took out her phone and went to a more secluded part of the house. She dialed Shizuku’s number, she was too quiet during their last couple of practices, only responding and making comments when needed. She didn’t make any mistakes, but there was less energy in her movements.

Her phone rang until it went to voicemail.

“Of course. Either you left your phone on silent by accident again or you forgot to charge it or something.” 

“shizuku please call or message me when you get this text.”  

She went upstairs with a dustpan and small garbage bag and met with Mizuki who just got out of the restroom, the two of them went back to his room contemplating what to do. Mizuki sat in front of the computer while Airi cleaned up the glass shards by the trash can.

“Thanks again for the food, it was great.” 

“No need to thank me.” she picked up and stared at the photo, since it was damaged it was hard to tell if Akito was genuinely smiling or was faking it for the selfies Ena forced him to take with her.

“Whatcha doin with the photo?” they noticed they put the dustpan down while staring at the old photo.

“Just thinking. I noticed the house doesn’t have that many photos on display, so I was wondering why he kept this specific one.”

“Think the photo has a clue? Like a secret note or something like in those movies?”

“I wish, there’s nothing. No writing on the back or on the frame. Don’t think he’s the type of person to do something like that.”

“Probably not. Why does he have be so secretive?” they hypocritically said.

“My guess is his family. Back in junior high, Ena had an argument with her dad but she wouldn’t tell me anything about it.”

“Like sister, like brother.”

“I know right? So I went to him and asked him to take care of Ena on my behalf since my “idol” career was getting more and more popular. He wouldn’t tell me what happened either, but he did thank me for telling him.”

“I don’t know all of their problems, but it doesn’t feel like their dad is the sole problem.”

“You’re right, their mom is also probably part of it. You noticed how she reacted, right?” they nodded. “There’s not a single photo of her, and not once did I hear Ena talk about her mom, at least not to me.”

Mizuki put their fingers to their chin, thinking.

“Now that you mention it she never talked about her either, not with me and certainly not Lil Bro, not even a slight mention. Although I doubt Ena’s willing to talk about her now if there is a problem with her.”

Airi said nothing, her silence was her answer. She thought hard about all the times she met with him. There was the time when he was still playing football, he’d get injured often from practice and he’d complain about Ena’s first aid skills. They both got along like normal siblings would back then so that memory didn’t help. There was her most recent encounter with him at the hospital. He looked so frail, a sight she never would’ve thought she would see from him. His smile looked even more forced than the stories Ena would say. He looked like he got his heart broken, like he got rejected from a confession. There was the brief encounter she had with him on the streets. The talk they had wasn’t special, all he said was that he was thankful towards her for being friends with his sister. They met back during the summer festival but they didn’t really do much, they just said hello and introduced their friends. She saw him perform and played a few carnival games. These memories she had with him didn’t really help her with any clues. There was only one more instance she could remember, back in junior high when she asked for his help. Then her eyes widened, she just recalled another part of that memory in junior high, a more detailed one than the time she, Shizuku, Ena, and Mizuku all hung out that one time when they went hiking up the mountains.

Several years ago, back when Airi was in junior high…

“I don’t have anyone else that I can rely on like that. I don’t think Ena does either… so please, I need you to look after her.” she begged Akito, unable to find any other solution.

She glanced at him with weak eyes, similar to a puppy begging but he was the only person she could trust and rely on to help out Ena. He put his knuckles to his chin and stared down, not once did he look away from her while she was talking nor did he interrupt her. His other hand clenched as if he was squeezing a stress ball until it popped, he had a look on his face she had never seen before. She hoped he would say yes; it was selfish of her to put all the responsibility on him but Ena wouldn’t open up to her. She didn’t talk to him much, it was rather greedy, but this was her last and only option left; she knew despite his attitude he was mature and cared about his big sister. She could’ve sworn she saw his eyes water, but it might’ve been her imagination, she was too focused on anticipating his answer. She’d beg, or even bow down on the floor with her forehead hitting the floor for him to say yes.

“Momoi-san, I swear, no, I vow that I’ll do anything and everything I can to help her out, so please don’t worry. You focus on your idol career; I’m not a great brother, far from it, but I’ll focus on helping my sister in every way I can.”

Her eyes widened, this was a giant weight she was handing to and putting on his shoulders yet he agreed without any resistance or hesitation. She thought she had to do a little more convincing, she didn’t expect it to go this smoothly.

“!!! Thank you, thank you!” she lunged towards him and gave him a giant hug, eyes tearing up. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you!” he stumbled back from the impact, embracing the hug since it’d be rude to reject it from her.

“You don’t have to, you already did.” she looked up at his face; he was smiling like how she would smile whenever she saw her little sister being happy.

“How so, what did I do?” she tilted her head, confused at that statement. She didn’t do anything for him, the amount of times they both interacted with each other she could only count with one hand.

“For being Ena’s friend. Ever since she met you she’s been smiling a lot more, she has also changed because of you. That’s something I can never do even though I’m her brother. Thank you.” his smile slightly got bigger, like a mother’s gentle smile.

“Eh? Really?”

“If I’m lying then you could shove me off a cliff or throw me down the stairs.”

“I didn’t notice. Am I really that important to her? Did I really influence her like that?”

He nodded.

“Oh, and um…” he looked away from her.

“What is it?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to sound rude but could you stop hugging me? It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, it’s just that you’re an idol and I’m a guy so I don’t want your career to be ruined because of me.” his cheeks turned slightly red.

“Oh! Sorry!” she let go of the hug, also embarrassed. Luckily it was still early in the morning and no one was around. It was the first time she saw him blush out of embarrassment, it was a cute sight. “You should be grateful that a pretty idol like me gave you a hug, not many guys get that.” she jokingly teased with an eye to eye smile.

“Please don’t tease me like that, I don’t want people to get the wrong impression of you.”

“Haha, you should smile more, I like it.”

“Better take a picture real quick because it’ll be a rare sight.” before she could take out her phone, his smile turned back to its usual neutral position.

“Sorry again.” she dropped her smile.

“What for?”

“I’m asking a lot out of you and you have your own business to take care of.”

“Please, there’s nothing for you to apologize for. You have your dreams to focus on, being an idol takes away a lot of your free time. I’m glad that you’re asking me this, it means that you trust me enough to take care of Ena. You’re the first person to trust me to take care of something this important.”

“Are you sure you’re the younger sibling? You’re so mature for your age.”

“Being Ena’s little brother isn’t easy.”

“I can only imagine how tough it is.” she wishes she could do more to help, at least something to help him ease the burden she entrusted to him. “I gotta go now unfortunately, until next time. Thank you again for accepting my selfish request.”

“Thank you for being Ena’s friend.”

Airi focused on that day even harder, that was the second to last time she had a conversation with him. 

“Everything alright?” Mizuki gently whispered to her.

No response from her, she was lost in thought.

“Guess she’s brainstorming, I should too. I don’t know much about Lil Bro, so I better think hard.”

They recalled the first time they heard his voice. He was knocking on Ena’s door loudly, much to her annoyance. She forgot to mute her mic as usual, so everyone heard the conversation. It wasn’t anything special, he got back from the convenient store to get her some snacks much to his annoyance while she complained that he took a long time. It was the first time they found out she had a little brother. They wanted her to introduce him to the group, but she shot that idea down immediately saying that he’s rude. They would hear his voice time to time again until they met him in the school festival. He acted exactly as they expected.

What they didn’t expect was his reaction towards the rumors about how they dress and stuff. He just heard about the rumors but didn’t give a single reaction about it nor mentioned it once. He just chatted with them like how he would chat with anyone else. No special treatment, just his regular somewhat brash attitude. That made talking to him easy. Although they noticed he acted politely when meeting someone for the first time.

His reactions towards them were always entertaining, getting annoyed at being called Lil Bro, easily bribed with sweets, being scared of dogs (which he’d refute), and talking about Ena; they were all entertaining which only he could do. Now whenever they went to school, they were back to being lonely again. There was Rui, but he was a second year student so they couldn’t talk to him that much outside of lunch. Going to school for them felt more pointless now, it was lonely since there was nothing to look forward to. Sure he’d get annoyed at them from time to time but he’d never get angry. The only other person to talk to was An, but neither of them had the energy to talk about fun stuff. They didn’t even want to tease her about being scared of ghosts, she was suffering also and to pull a prank like that at a time like this was low.

The last time they actively hung out with him was during the summer festival when he and Toya were performing on stage. It was the only time they saw him perform and he was good (at least they thought he was good), they knew he was passionate about music but he had an energy that Toya didn’t have; they had no idea how to describe his performance compared to his partner’s. 

After that they’d played a couple of carnival games before they all went home.

“Oh man, I wish this day could last forever, it was fun.”

“If it lasted forever then it wouldn’t be fun.”

“Oh you know what I mean Lil Bro, no need to be a stick in the mud.” they stuck their tongue out at him.

“Very mature Akiyama, very mature.”

“Teehee.” they stuck their tongue out to the side of their lips and gently tapped their head like knocking on a door.

“So cute, so adorable.” he spoke in a deadpanned voice while staring off into the distance.

“I know I’m cute, no need to be jealous of me.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say.”

“Say, where’d Toya-kun go?”

“He went off to get cookies with the others.”

“Oh? I would’ve thought you would’ve gone with him, since you and Ena both love sweets.

“I had enough sweets for the day. Besides, Ena would probably steal my half if I went with them.”

“Yeah, I could see that happening.” they recalled all of the complaints Ena had whenever he accidentally ate her slice of cheesecake from the fridge from all of their voice calls.

“I’m too tired to argue and fight with her.”

“Oh yeah, I think you said it was your first time singing and dancing like that right? Must’ve taken ages to practice like that.”

“Yeah, it was tough at first but we don’t half-ass things so we practiced our dance routine until we were out of breath. Man, now I know how those Korean pop singers feel like now.”

“Oh? You make it sound like you wanna be a K-Pop star now.” they had a large grin on their face

“Quit putting words into my mouth!”

“I know what we should call your fans! AkiStars!” their idea popped out without thinking too hard

“Why AkiStars? And that sounds stupid if you ask me.”

“Because it takes the first part of your name and stars are near the moon, the few natural sources of light during the night. You’re always passionate about singing which makes you shine, like the moon. But stars aren’t as bright as the moon, so they’re chasing after or nearby the moon, kinda like fans”

They heard him whisper something, it was very faint and weak, like he was talking several meters away.

“So, good name right?”

“I still think it’s stupid, but if I don’t agree to it you’ll make up a bunch of other weird names so I’ll just agree to it just to get you to stop making up names. Thanks though.” he was calm and gentle, they were sure he’d get flustered and force them to come up with a better name.

“So you do like it after all.”

“Whatever you say.”

“No need to be so embarrassed.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m so embarrassed.” he rolled his eyes. “Hey Akiyama.”

“Hm?”

“How’s Ena been lately?

“Oh? Is Lil Bro worried about his big sister?”

“Yeah.” he instantly replied without hesitating.

“No need to-wait what? Come again? Mizuki couldn’t believe what they were hearing from his mouth.

“I said I’m worried.”

“You are Lil Bro right?” they blinked at him like he was growing several heads. This was Shinonome Akito, right?

“What the hell’s wrong with me worrying about someone from time to time? Is it a crime for me to ask?” he raised an eyebrow at them, giving the same annoyed look as his sister would.

“N-No, it’s just that it’s the first time I’m hearing those kinds of words from you, so I’m just a little surprised.” 

“Just hurry up and answer.”

“Ena’s fine lately, like she has her own worries but nothing too serious. I think. She hasn’t really said anything these days. If she had a problem then she would’ve said something to one of us by now.”

“I see…”

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Thanks for answering. Not a single word of this to anybody, got it?”

“Hmmm, maybe if you bought me something I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Oh for the love of-FINE! I’ll buy you something, just shut up and we never had this conversation.”

“What conversation?”

“Thank you!” he cried out, tired of their teasing. “Hey Akiyama.” he called out their name once again.

“Hm?”

“Continue being Ena’s friend please.”

“Could it be?” Mizuki whispered, that was the last time they hung out for a while. 

Ena then walked into her brother’s old room after changing out of her pajamas and cleaning herself up. She saw her friends were away from the computer. She walked towards the computer chair and sat down.

“So any luck while I was doing the dishes?” she hesitantly asked, clenching her hands on her skirt.

They were both silent still, unaware that she entered.

“I’ll take that silence as a no.”

All she thought about was how little she knew of her brother. The computer was still on, still anticipating a password to be entered.

“SHINONOME ENA!” both of her friends suddenly shouted out loud. She got so startled that she fell off of the chair and landed on her butt.

“OW!” she screamed out. “WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU TWO SHOUTING MY NAME!? I’M RIGHT HERE!”

“Oh Ena, when did you get here? And why are you yelling and on the floor?” Mizuki obliviously asked.

“ Like a minute ago! I asked if you two had any luck then you two suddenly screamed my name out loud like chimpanzees!”

“Sorry! Sorry!” Airi walked up to her and helped her up.

“So why the hell did you two shout out my name?”

“Shinonome Ena!” they both shouted again. Airi and Mizuki stared at each other, finally noticing they said the same thing.

“What!? I’m right here! Stop shouting my name!” she raised an eyebrow with arms crossed and her mouth frowning.

“No, no! The password! Try that!” Mizuki immediately answered, correcting her.

“What? My name? No way, there’s no way-”

“Just shut up and type it in!” Airi cut her off and started pushing her onto the chair. She resisted, with no idea how to respond.

“I am so confused, why the hell am I suddenly the password?”

“Oh for the love of-FINE! I’ll do it slowpoke!” Mizuki’s eyebrows furrowed a bit, and got their butt on the seat of the chair.

They started typing what they and Airi had thought of.

Airi gulped and Ena doubted that she could be the password. All she did was mistreat him day after day.

Their typing speed was fast but to the three of them, it felt like each click of the keyboard was as fast as a snail. Shinonome Ena’s name wasn’t hard to type out, but this was the last idea they had and if that didn’t work then they’d have to call it quits.

Mizuki finally clicked enter and Ena was ready for the computer to have a red error message pop up.

Yet it didn’t.

The screen had that rectangular loading bar which everyone on Earth hated because it filled up slowly at times.

Mizuki and Airi smiled like they survived a battlefield, finally relieved that the biggest wall was broken and now enterable. Both of them were taking large breaths like they were escaping a tunnel and could finally breathe fresh, clean air.

However for Ena, all she had on her face was… nothing. She didn’t smile, she didn’t frown, she didn’t even move from the spot. All she did was stare at the computer loading up.

“What? Why? Why me? I’m terrible, so why me out of all people Akito?” as a single tear dropped from her eye.

I don’t remember the last thing I’ve done, I’m in the empty room again. It happened again. Nothing's changed since the last time I was here. When was the last time I was here? I forgot how long I’ve been here in my Sekai. I don’t feel hungry, I don't feel thirsty, but I do feel somewhat tired. At least, I think I am tired. How long was I asleep? And when did I sleep?

“Rise and shine sunshine, you slept for so long I lost track.”  

 Did I pass out and it dragged me here?

“I’m so hurt, not a single greeting.” I just ignore it, its face annoys me. Every time I see it, I want to grab a hammer and smash its face like a watermelon. I bet it’d make me feel better, I bet it’ll feel good if I did that.

It just continues to stare at me as we both continue to be silent. 

“Are you done?” it suddenly asked, cutting the silence we were giving each other.

Done? Done with what? I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. Probably just fucking with me, trying to get me riled up so it could laugh at me like how everyone else does.

“Just leave, the more I try to talk to you, the more pointless it’s starting to become.” it sighed heavily with its back facing me and pointed to the door.

I open the door to leave this room.

Once I left that place, I’m no longer in a hallway with doors. I’m outside and it’s becoming dark, the sun barely visible. Despite that, I could see things quite clearly. I don’t know how to explain it that well, it’s not night vision or anything but it feels like I instinctively know what the entire area looks like from memory. What kind of trick is that thing playing on me? Where are the doors I’ve been seeing lately?

Ah, this is the park from two years ago.

“That new guy’s pretty good and can sing, but he makes a bunch of little mistakes here and there… Their songs end up being pretty lame because of him.”

That’s what the audience members said. They think that I didn’t hear them but I heard them loud and clear. I know I’ve made a bunch of mistakes when I sang back then. So I came here with someone to practice. One time, I practiced until I collapsed. When I regained consciousness, I immediately practiced so I wouldn’t make those mistakes ever again. But I kept on making them from time to time, no matter how hard I practiced. I really was piggybacking off of Toya like the parasite I am.

All of this, everything I’ve done, it was all so pointless. What a giant waste of time, why the hell would he ever want something like me as a partner? All I’ve done was ride off of his success. No wonder he said our music didn't mean anything back then. I really am a stupid kid making random, trash noise. A punk like me that can’t sing would obviously speak meaningless junk out of its mouth. He was right, I should grow up and stop chasing after RAD WEEKEND; it really is something no one outside of this town heard of. Even if I did have the talent, no one outside would acknowledge what I did. RAD WEEKEND isn’t that big outside so what’s the point? Toya just used me to get better and that’s fine, I would use me also. After all, once a pen is out of ink you throw it out; just like me.

I just hobble away from this place, it disgusts me. I close my eyes for a second, the stupid sun’s glares are still annoying even in this world. I don’t know where I’m blinding hobbling off to but anywhere is better than here. It got harder to breathe and my chest started to hurt again. This feeling, it’s like back when I was in the Shinonome household. I open my eyes and I’m no longer in the park, I’m somehow walking down a flight of stairs. I don’t remember leaving that place, I know for a fact I didn’t open any doors. Did I teleport here or was I just hallucinating the entire place? 

Wait for this atmosphere…!

It’s suffocating me!

Not that time!

“What a performance by Arata! Could this be our champion!?” the announcer screamed out loud. I clenched my teeth, I feel like I could break them from how hard I’m clenching.

They were all cheering for him, the crowd loved him. He sang like a champ, unlike me. One second they were cheering for me and their eyes were glued to him. It was obvious who won, so I just walked downstairs offstage. Nobody really commented on me leaving, they were all too focused on celebrating his victory. I’m a nobody, who the hell would care about a nobody? Nobody noticed that I left, so it was fine.

“Arata, please tell us about your opponent! Were you worried one bit about him?”

“Haha, please don’t jest. Why would I worry about something like him? You flatter him, he was never a singer to me.”

Those words of his kept on echoing like it was recorded onto my brain. He’s right, I was never a singer and I never could be. 

“Akito, listen to me for once. Give up on this street performing gig you’re doing. You’re young so what you think I’m saying is probably is dumb but the world is cruel, many people succeed in life because they have talent or they got lucky. You can’t rely on luck and just like your sister Akito, you don’t have the talent for this.” 

I remember those exact words a while back, but I don’t remember who said it. Whoever it was, they were right, I should’ve quit a long while ago. I never had a family that supported me, I don’t have luck, and I especially don’t have the talent.

“Shinonome-kun, you’re the least interesting of the group. Your teammates are diamonds in the rough, but with enough polishing they could become top-notch players on stage in no time. But I can’t imagine you being on stage with them when that time comes. You know that’s true to some extent at least, am I right? At least I hope you know, if not, then that’s a problem in itself.”

He was right and I was still stupid enough to practice. I lost with Toya on my side, so why the hell did I think I had a chance of beating him just because I did a little bit of pointless practice? Once a failure, always a failure. 

They were both right and I tried to prove them both wrong and I’m a fool for doing that. Why the hell did I come up with a stupid dream to surpass RAD WEEKEND? I’m sick in the head for thinking something impossible like that. An ant could never become a bird.

Any moment now Toya, An, and Kohane should be bursting through the door to “comfort” me about my loss and attitude. They will never understand how I feel, all they said to me was lies.

And just like I remembered, I see three of them running.

But this time not towards me.

They all ran past me and upstairs to my brother, playfully ruffling him up. 

That didn’t happen from what I know.

Did I remember everything wrong? Everything else up until now was how I remembered. Did they really come up to me and tried to cheer me up? I take a moment to think and I don’t remember what they said to me. I can’t recall anything. Did I imagine them comforting me? Yeah I must’ve pitied myself so much I thought that, yeah that explains it. Why would they comfort something like me? What else was I imagining or misremembering? I must be insane, everything I experienced up until now must’ve been fake; I bet I’m actually in an insane asylum or something. Sekai, Miku, friends? What a joke, there’s no way those things are real in my world. I could never have any of those, I bet I’m sounding more and more insane to the people outside that are watching over me.

Yet for some reason, my legs were bringing me back to the stage and up the stairs. I walk up and up, but I don’t get any closer but I see them all getting further away, walking away from me. I tried running up but I’m not making any progress, the distance between us isn’t shortening. It’s like these stairs are endless. I’m looking at their backs as they’re all walking away from me, just like what she did back then. The pain I felt when I was walking up stairs came back. My vision got blurry, my breathing became faster which caused my heart to beat faster, and my legs felt like someone put cement on them. My body shook like my muscles were being electrocuted but without the pain.

As I took another step, the stairs I was on grew and I’m being lifted up closer to the ceiling. My instinct told me to jump down and it took everything I had to get down to the floor, if I didn’t then I’d turn into a pile of bones and blood. This Sekai of mine, is it out to kill me? My body turned back to normal and my breathing was normal again, it was like I hallucinated the pain I had when I was on the stairs. I look back up and I see them all on top of the so-called former stairs. The stairs all arranged in a weird pattern; like they were on those winners pedestal you see during the end of a contest or race.

Ah. I see, so that’s it.

Despite the roof being broken, it still looked like we were indoors. I see them all the way at the top, all waving and bowing towards the crowd. 

This is how it should’ve been from that very beginning.

It’s pointless being here, so I turned around and started looking for the exit door.

I put my left hand to my head with my other leaning on the wall for support. I suddenly feel sick like I was on a roller coaster, except the difference is that I don’t know where the pain is coming from. It’s like my body is sick while my brain is telling me I’m fine. I dragged my feet to the nearest door and I pushed it open with whatever strength I could muster.

I collapsed and my entire body landed in a shallow pool of water. I looked around and noticed it was dark, why am I here? Why am I at the beach?

“Yo Akito-kun.” a voice I was too familiar called out to me.

Why are you here?

“No response? Is that how you treat your older brother? Didn’t your parents teach you basic manners?” his eyes were still closed but he was smiling. I hate that smile. It was a smile I could never have. A confident smile that’s proud of its accomplishments, unwavering, and genuine.

I tried to speak but nothing came out.

I tried to get up but my body didn’t listen to what I wanted.

I was still sitting down on the water.

And suddenly, I felt pressure on my ribs as I coughed and spat out some saliva.

“My, I guess I’ll have to teach you some manners. Don’t worry, I’ll give you what you always wanted.” he put his hands on my neck. “After all, this is basically how *** treated you. Don’t worry, as your big brother, it’s my job to help you.” he opened his eyes and his smile grew wider. 

He pushed my face down underwater and I felt my nose burning, water rushing in. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, water was in my ears. I should be struggling but I’m not. I should be fighting back, the water isn’t that deep but I’m not making the slightest effort to break free. He wasn’t choking me hard, I could easily break free and for some reason I can’t feel anything anymore. I don’t feel cold, I don’t feel the water, and I don’t feel his hands on my neck. I should be struggling for air but my lungs for the most part feel ok. I could still see somewhat clearly, it was tough to make out because of the water rippling. 

From what little I could see and make out is his head blocking the moon, wait is it even my brother's face? I feel like it's someone else now. Whatever. I turned my attention to the light. When I was a kid, I wanted to grab the moon; how childish. The moonlight was still visible and it looked so far away and like it’s breaking since my head is underwater. And soon I can’t see the light from it anymore as several clouds hover over and covered it. 

Yet for some reason, it feels appropriate that I can’t see it anymore. All I see is- 

Chapter Text

Vivid Bad Squad, all they could do now is wait for news from someone else. They’ve done all they could do and they hated how powerless they were. All they could do is live and wait. It was like Akito disappeared out of nowhere which was out of character for him, at least from what they knew of him. An would never admit it out loud, but Akito was far more serious than her about surpassing RAD WEEKEND. Despite their childish and sibling-like fights and arguments, she respected him tremendously. Toya has already admitted out loud that it was only because of him that he was this content with his life. He was a big factor why his relationship with his father has been slowly mending. To Kohane, he scared her at first but once the truth was revealed but in the end he was right; she did lack the conviction to surpass RAD WEEKEND and to be An’s partner. It was a massive shove she received, but a shove she needed to stand by her partner’s side. 

Without him, it was like his efforts were all gone. Without him responding to their group chat, it was like he never existed. They couldn’t hear his voice since the songs he sang were all gone or distorted. To say that they missed him would be like saying they live in Japan; painfully obvious. Their days went by slowly but they still kept on smiling because they knew that they would see him again, they knew he would return to them and once that happened, they’d all hug him until he’d never disappear from their sights ever again.

Whenever they visited their Sekai, Meiko would still be behind the counter serving up drinks but her smile was fake. Toya noticed since he was used to Akito’s but he never said it out loud to her, An and Kohane had a hunch that it was fake also. She also didn’t make as many desserts as she used to, which no one could fault her for. Akito was the one that visited the café the most out of the four kids and was always there to help her out even when she didn’t ask. There were times he’d visit her early in the morning to help her out even though she insisted that it was fine. There were times she accidentally said his name out loud whenever Toya visited since if he arrived then so did he.

Everyone else was for the most part, the same.

Everyone besides Len.

Since the morning Len called Toya, he has barely spoken to any of the children. Meiko says that he’s often out digging a tunnel most of the time. They offered to help him but he insists that they should be searching for him in their world, this Sekai was a place for them to relax and sing. It was like an obsession, if he wasn’t digging out that tunnel then he’d either be sleeping or eating. He wouldn’t even hang out with Rin and she felt lonely without him, but they were used to being away from the other. The only way she would be with him nowadays was to help him with his digging. He wouldn’t even practice with her, something he’d never reject or miss in the past. She hated to admit it, but she’d rather have a fight with him again rather than have him act like this. He wasn’t exactly ignoring her but he wasn’t spending time with her and she hated that. At least when they fought one of them would quickly apologize and things would return to normal. Now that Akito is gone, everything went wrong. She missed him too, he was  like the older brother both of them could go up to. Without him, Len could only think about finding him. The Kagamines were supposed to be together. Without her twin, her identity was gone. Without him, she felt like her heart and soul was ripped out.

Everyone wouldn’t say it out loud, but they wished the twins would have their usual arguments. Seeing Len being so mellow felt wrong, Miku especially missed seeing him at the café. Seeing him trying to act like an adult was entertaining; seeing him drink black coffee (and then coughing and making a funny face), trying to impress her and Meiko by helping out was always a fun time. Now he wouldn’t even touch or say the word coffee or even make a noise, heck he wouldn’t even smile. She missed that smile of his, now he looked and was acting like a broken doll. He used to bug her to help him with his singing, which she usually said yes to, now he barely speaks to her; all he would do is just greet her or just say his order and then thank her and then leave. Her days got too quiet after that, Rin would help him and everyone else had their own business. She never realized until now that Len made the slow days go by faster. Heck, he wasn’t even taking care of himself, she saw his fingers all ripped up and bloody, she literally had to block the exit in order for her to put on him ointment and bandages. The reason that he didn’t take care of his fingers was that “The more time I take care of myself, the less time I have to find Akito behind that tunnel. The faster I could open the tunnel, the better chances we have at finding him.” and that made her angry, but she didn’t show it. It wasn’t even a guarantee that he’d be there but it’s not like there were any other options. She wanted to slap some sense into him, but something inside of her told her that it was the worst thing she could do and that she could make things worse. He was suffering too, hurting him more wouldn’t help anyone. Another part of her thought that he’d barely react to the slap since he’d ignore his stomach growling from hunger. She just sighed every time he left, she wants to spend time with him again but that won’t be for at least quite some time. Now she wishes that she could’ve helped him sing more since this incident would last a while. She’d sometimes see him at the tunnel in the early mornings even before the café was open and during those times she’d help, it was the only way that she could see him now for more than ten minutes. She would even spend some of her free time helping him after the café closed and to remind him to come home. She just wants to see him smile again.

Luka usually dragged Len along to explore the place whenever she had the chance and it was how they usually spent their time together. It was how they found that secret spot with the stage for Akito. They’d occasionally see him at night or during the early mornings practicing and it was never at the same spot which was inconvenient for him, which is why they gave him that place. Luka was the third most eccentric (or mischievous) of the Virtual Singers which is why she’d bring one of the twins along, now those days were replaced by being responsible which she was used to, but it felt empty. She’d usually be responsible by scolding one of the twins whenever they took a prank too far. Now, her days of responsibility were just literally carrying Len back home to either eat or sleep whenever he passed out. She wanted to scold him like Meiko would if she were in her normal mindset, but she knew he didn’t pass out on purpose and he was trying his best to be strong. It got to the point that he didn’t even need someone to watch over him, he was obsessed with clearing out that tunnel so having someone watch over him wasn't necessary, that was literally the only place he’d be at other than the café. She’d occasionally hear him mumble out Akito’s name and start crying in his sleep. She missed Akito too, but she knew he missed him a lot more and she hated that she couldn’t be more useful.

Kaito was the most responsible one, even Meiko was being forgetful about a few things here and there; like getting ingredients, so he’d get them whenever she did forget. He’d still teach Rin and the children about his DJ techniques whenever they asked, but that was getting rarer and rarer as the days went on. He hardly sees Len now, the last time he saw him was when he accidentally ate Len’s ice-cream (again) and was prepared to be scolded by him, which deep down he wanted; he missed seeing him and he wanted the old days to come back. But to his surprise, Len just said it was fine and that accidents happen and he left to go back to digging. One day he asked him if he wanted some new DJ lessons but he rejected it immediately. He couldn’t tell who was mourning more, Meiko or Len. It was like Meiko was slowly dwindling and Len was being serious about his “job” and it was wrong to see them like that. He wanted them to go back to normal, but that wouldn’t happen until Akito returned. But he worried that if he didn’t, they’d both change for the worse.

Toya was so occupied with Akito that he couldn’t focus on his studies and when exam time arrived, he wasn’t ready. Even An scored higher than him, and she also scored slightly higher than she usually does. It was the first time he failed an exam and it was the second time he felt disappointed in himself, the first being not being there for Akito. Was this how his partner felt whenever he failed an exam? Was this the same frustration his partner was feeling? No, it wasn’t. The amount of frustration he felt was nothing compared to his partner’s, he had favoritism from his teachers, they’d allowed him to retake the exam again which they’d rarely allow students to. Akito didn’t have that privilege but he did and it wasn’t fair. Studying felt hard, it was like his eyes and brain were incompatible and it took him far longer to get the proper info engraved onto his brain. So this is at least somewhat how his partner felt, and he got angry at him whenever he saw him failing at studying. He didn’t know how he felt and he felt greatly disappointed at him, now he knew what it was like being on the receiving end of his criticisms. 

He still went to Weekend Garage often to check up on everyone and to see if Ken had any good news. An and Kohane were there often, chatting as usual but he wouldn’t make much conversation with them.

“Hey there Toya!” Ken greeted him with his usual warm smile, both girls also waved hi to him.

“Hi Ken-san.” he also waved back to them, but with less enthusiasm.

“What’ll you be having today, the usual?”

Toya took a small moment to think about what his order would be. Today the café was pretty empty and slow so he didn’t have to worry about holding up the line.

“Actually, I’ll have mine with cream and sugar.”

Ken, An, and Kohane all glanced at him for a moment, he rarely ordered coffee with cream and sugar, he usually had it black. He preferred it that way which was too bitter for the other members of VBS to completely enjoy. They had a hunch why he was ordering it differently today.

“You got it.” he smiled as usual and accidentally brought out two cups, which he realized he did subconsciously. He’s been doing that often whenever one of the remaining members of VBS came to order. He knew why and it was a habit he needed to fix, but at the same time he didn’t want to fix that habit; Akito not visiting Weekend Garage for this long felt wrong, like the café lost a part of its identity. He put the cup back to where it belonged and proceeded to make the order he would usually make it for. An would also do the same wherever she was helping out and whenever Kohane or Toya ordered.

“Any news?” he asked everyone while sitting down with the Vivids.

Ken shook his head, with his back facing him. He couldn’t see what his expression was, he was the calmest adult they all knew.

Kohane also shook her head weakly like a puppy that got scolded.

“Nothing on my end.” An answered. “You?”

“I have news, but it’s not good.”

“Bad news then?”

“Might as well be, do you two recall those rumors we’ve heard recently?”

Both of them nodded.

“Did Kotaro find something?” Toya nodded.

“Apparently from what he heard, some group that hated Akito’s singing started them. Now that he’s gone missing for a while, those rumors have been spreading like wildfire.” he clenched his teeth slightly.

An slammed the table like in those tv dramas and mangas with both of her palms. Kohane jumped a little at her partner’s sudden action.

“Does he know which one!? I’m not letting anyone shit talk to him like that.” An’s eyes started to tear up with rage, she would blink so that they would fade away and wouldn’t drip down.

“It’s just what he’s heard for now, he’s not sure if it’s completely true. He’s going to let me know once he finds out more.”

“If that is true though, I’m going to choke the shit out of every single one of them!”

“Why would anyone start bad rumors like that about Shinonome-kun?” Kohane innocently asked, she was hurt that people would hurt her friend’s reputation.

“Unfortunately there are people in the world that just hate because they don’t like the other person. It’s as plain and simple as that unfortunately.” Ken answered her, he was about to be done with Toya’s order.

“That’s just stupid! Akito didn’t do anything wrong to them!” An shouted, Ken let it slide since the café was empty. That and he knew what she was feeling, he let her shout because of a situation this serious.

“Even some of Akito’s fans have been believing those rumors, they believe he skipped town or something.” Toya put a palm over a fist he was making to prevent it from shaking.

“Then they weren’t his fans to begin with! Those backstabbing fans, believing in some stupid rumors instead of us! What the hell happened to loyalty!?”

Kohane wanted to speak out loud, but a part of her believed what An was saying. One day she was walking with Akito to Weekend Garage until a bunch of people greeted him, halting their destination. At first she thought he knew them all but turns out they were fans of his. She didn’t have that many at first but slowly but surely she’d often have people greeting her whenever she went to Vivid Street.

“I know how you’re feeling, take a deep breath An.” 

“Sorry dad.”

Ken walked over to them, handing Toya his order and handing the Vivids similar drinks.

“Um, we didn’t order anything.” Kohane looked at Ken.

“It’s on the house, don’t worry about it. Just thought you all needed something.” he gave his usual smile.

The members took a sip of the coffee they received.

For Kohane, it was a lot more sugar than she was used to but it was still good regardless.

An didn’t mind, she was used to it at this point.

However, for Toya, he noticed something dropping down onto his coffee. He noticed his cheeks were warm and felt something dripping down his eyes.

“It’s sweet. It’s disgustingly sweet.” he cried out and took another sip. “It’s so disgustingly sweet it’s making me cry.” he put down his cup and started wiping down his face with his sleeves.

Like an infectious virus, Kohane also felt something dripping down her cheeks.

“It’s so sweet, I don’t know how anyone could drink this everyday.” she still continued drinking it, unintentionally adding in a little bit of extra water and salt to the coffee.

An was the last one to be infected, she wiped down her eyes and continued drinking.

“Once he comes back, I’m going to give him the blackest, darkest coffee to fix his taste buds. He’s not human, no human could drink this.”

Ken turned around and started walking back to the counter, he didn’t make their drinks that sweet he thought to himself as he scratched his eyes.

Kohane spent the days she’d normally would, except it was a lot duller than it used to be. An wasn’t as loud as often as she would be, without no one to argue with there was no need. Usually quietness was a good thing but for her, quietness meant that there were no voices speaking. It was just a while ago that her partner and Akito would argue about dumb things, like An making fun of him because he was secretly building up a harem. That was the loudest they’ve both argued and it was something so pointless and stupid.

And she missed it dearly, she wants that noisy day to come back rather than experience this… void.

VBS was more than quiet, it was empty. Akito was the most expressive of the group and it was like someone ripped the fun out of the group. Toya was the most quiet of the four, but with his partner missing, there were no words to perfectly describe him. He was a lot more jittery and anxious, something she used to have. It was like he was slowly starting to regress back to her early days of the group. If she were more like Akito, then she’d know what to do. He was always there to take care of the group, always giving advice, always checking up on their health, making schedules, he did them all.

He was always there to take care of everyone and she couldn’t do a thing to repay him back. He’d barely ask for anything in return, as long as you improved he didn’t care about receiving anything. Although he would accept sweets, she didn’t count that as repaying him back. All of the world’s supply of pancakes and cheesecakes couldn’t repay him for a single day’s worth of effort he put in for her and the group, he was that serious and helpful. All she did was receive but never give back. 

She hated the fact that during one of their earliest encounters that she wanted to secretly avoid him because he was mean. Now that they’ve worked together, he had a point about her. Her old self would have dragged An down, and she would’ve said that wasn’t true. If he wasn’t the person he was, then VBS most likely wouldn't have formed, heck there was even a good chance that the Vivids would’ve broken apart. The amount of effort he put into music far exceeded her own studies, although she wished both he and An could use that same energy for school. She thought that he was like the group’s manager or a coach or maybe the leader. She lacked experience and he was the one that pushed her to succeed (with An of course) and now she was worried she’d go back to being an anxious wreck like her first group event. 

“You ok?” a voice suddenly interrupted Kohane’s train of thought. “The ice-cream in your drink is starting to melt.”

“It is? Oh! It is!” Kohane noticed Minori in front of her and saw her fancy root beer float starting to melt away. It had vanilla ice-cream with whipped cream in it with macarons and macaroons as toppings.

“You’re thinking about Akito-kun right?”

“Yeah.” she bitterly smiled, still not touching her order.

“I’d feel the same way for a long time if I were in your shoes, but I know you’ll find him! You just have to hope, more everyday!”

“I know, thank you.” Kohane finally took a sip of her drink, it was sweet but it tasted good. “If Shinonome-kun were here, he would enjoy this.”  

“I’m not sure why you decided to drink something this cold when the weather has been getting colder and dryer lately.” another voice chimed in.

“I thought for once I could recommend Shinonome-kun since he was the one that recommended those pancake places, Shiho-chan.”

“Never would’ve thought someone like him would know all those places.” Shiho quickly looked down on her phone and sent a text message to someone. 

Lately An couldn’t sleep peacefully. Usually it would take her a few minutes to fall asleep but nowadays it could take up to an hour to sleep. It frustrated her, but nothing could frustrate her as much as her inability to find her missing friend. She owed him a lot. 

He always noticed her problems, even back when they were acquaintances a few years back. Back when she said she would’ve covered for her partner if she made a mistake, he was the only one that figured out what she was subconsciously doing. Even though it was unintentional, she didn’t respect her partner enough during that time. She should’ve figured that out but she didn’t. If he wasn’t there, if he wasn’t a part of VBS then there was a chance she could’ve been controlling of Kohane. No, it most likely would’ve happened. 

When Kohane was improving, she had a strange and uncomfortable feeling in her chest that she didn’t know how to explain. It got worse when Len said that Kohane could steal his partner. And once again Akito noticed, because he cared. He listened hard, never once looking away from her or making a noise. He quickly deduced that she was afraid of being in Kohane’s shadow, afraid of being left behind and he was completely right. If he wasn’t there, if he didn’t do what he always does, then that feeling would’ve caused her to truly be left behind, not just her partner, but the entirety of VBS.

Both times he saved her, saved VBS, saved their dreams and not once did he belittle her both times. Not once did he mention it to the others. He could’ve done many things, but the way he helped was in her opinion, the best outcome. He saved her and not once did he ask for anything. But this time he was the one in trouble and she couldn’t do a single thing. He cared enough to notice her issues, but she didn’t even notice the small signs. She failed him and she hates that she did. She loathes herself for failing her friend when he needed help and now he could be anywhere in the world. 

She got out of bed, she needed to distract herself. The more she thinks, the less sleep she’ll get. When she opened the door and walked downstairs, she noticed light from the kitchen. Usually no one was awake at this hour, it was near midnight. She heard voices that she was familiar with and headed towards the kitchen.

“Dad? Uncle Taiga?”

“An? You’re still awake?” 

“Sorry if we woke you.”

“No it’s fine, I couldn’t sleep anyways.” she noticed what her dad had in his hands, it was one of those whiskey glasses and it smelled awful to her. “Are you drinking?”

“Yeah,” he honestly answered. “but I’m not drunk, this is my first and only drink for the night.”

“Can confirm, your old man has been taking his sweet time with that. Come on sit, join us old folks for a chat.” she sat down, curious what they were talking about and why they were up this late.

“What were you two talking about?”

“We were just reminiscing about the old times. Like how we had our first drink together.”

“I had to carry you home and you nearly threw up on me.” her dad chuckled as he swirled his glass.

“Hey, it was one of the wildest nights we had that wasn’t music related. Hey An, your old man could barely handle his first drink and he was coughing up a storm.”

“And you got drunk in less than fifteen minutes, your alcohol tolerance sucked. Your sister nearly ripped my head off when I dropped you off.” they both chuckled with small smiles on their faces.

“You two were talking about something else before I interrupted weren't you.” 

“Yeah, we just finished that topic though. We were just talking about your group.” Uncle Taiga poured himself a glass of whiskey.

“Us? Why us?”

“It’s a father’s job to talk about his kids.”

“I hope you weren’t talking about some embarrassing stories.”

“I could do that anytime, especially when your friends are around.” 

“Please don’t!” her face turned red, like the tomatoes she hated.

“We were just talking about how you seemed much happier now that you found a full group that shared your passion.”

“Not many people think they could.” she started reminiscing about that summer night.

“You got that right. I think Akito was the first one that had that same spark as you.”

“You got that right.” she wondered what would’ve happened if she had a conversation with him that night, would they have been partners? “To be honest, if I never met Akito, I’m not sure I’d still have that same dream.”

“I was also afraid of that back then.” Ken took a small sip, leaning on his left fist with his cheek. “I didn’t want to say that back then, but he made that worry go away. ”

“That’s an understatement, lotta people laughed at me but not him. Can’t believe he used to call me ‘Shiraishi-san’ back then, it feels creepy now that I think about it.”

“That just means he’s gotten used to you and means he could be real with you. Even we adults have to do that from time to time.” Taiga responded, having experience with that field.

“He’s a friend for life, that’s why you’re feeling weird about the past. In a few years from now, you two will talk about how dumb he was when he was being so polite to you and be laughing it off like nothing happened.”

“If I never met him, I don’t know where I’d be right now. I’m not sure if I’d still be singing street music.”

“Maybe an idol? You’re pretty enough to get both the boys and girls to like you.”

“Me as an idol? That’s hard to imagine.”

“Well, whatever dream you’ll have, you’ll always have my support.”

“Maybe in another life I’m an idol… Hey dad, Uncle Taiga?”

“Hm?”

“Yeah?”

She swallowed, trying to find the right words to say. 

“Do you two have any idea why he went missing?” 

The two of them stared down at their drinks as if they were being hypnotized by it. They stayed silent which An respected, she didn’t expect them to immediately answer.

“I really wish I knew.”

“Sorry, this is one of those things even we can’t answer.”

“Heh, so even adults don’t know everything.”

Ken took another swig of his drink and gently looked at An with his smile turning somber.

“Being an adult and being a child isn’t that different. The difference is that grown-ups are just older children that learned how disappointing and painful life is while children are still innocent from that painful truth. We adults have to act and look strong in front of children so that they can learn to be better. But even adults don’t know how to solve everything and once we hit a wall we don’t know how to get past, we get stuck for a while because we’re no longer children with someone to guide us. We all cope in different ways, that’s why adults can drink alcohol.”

“That’s quite the statement.” An’s eyes widened, it was the first time she heard her dad talk like this. She didn’t know her dad had a side like this, she always thought of him as this superhero. This was the first time she saw him being this vulnerable.

“You heard the phrase ‘A drunk man’s words are his honest thoughts’? Feel free to ask him anything right now, you won’t be seeing him being this honest for a while.” Taiga smacked the back of his old friend.

“I told you, I’m not drunk. I just needed something to take the edge off. Besides, I need to be a good role model for An.”

“Can I drink with you both once I’m old enough?”

“Of course, as long as you’re responsible.”

“If only Akito was honest about himself all the time.”

“I wish he was too, but just as we have our own problems, so does he. There could be… no, there are many reasons why he doesn’t want to talk about himself. People are complicated and they only get more frustrating and complicated as we get older. I’m sure he trusts us but it could be possible that he doesn’t trust himself, that could be why he’s secretive about his home life.”

“I do believe he’ll come back, even though I don’t know where he is. If he doesn’t then I’m going to make sure he’ll regret it.” Taiga jokes, hoping to make her feel better.

“I hope so.” then the pain she was holding in started to drip down her face like a rainstorm. 

“An!” Ken immediately got out of his seat and dashed towards his daughter, hugging her. Taiga got up and grabbed a tissue box from the counter and handed it to her.

“It hurts dad, it hurts so much!”

“I know, let it all out. No need to hold it in.” the shoulder of his shirt started to dampen.

“Why am I your hero?” she cried out, both of her friends looked at her. They both knew he cared about her despite all of the errands she makes him do. “How did you two guess?”

“Just a hunch.” Airi responded with a small smile. 

“Think about it, he’s always out getting you stuff even though it annoys him. Not many siblings would do that all the time.”

“I doubt I would’ve done the same for him all the time.” she weakly responded back, holding back the tears.

“We climbed over the wall, time to check what’s on the other side.” Airi agreed with Mizuki while Ena gently nodded.

The computer finally loaded onto the main page. The background was a photo of VBS, each one singing and holding a mic yet Akito himself wasn't there. The background then transitioned into a picture that was divided into three sections, in the middle was Nightcord at 25:00, to the far right was More More Jump!, and to the far left was Wonderlands x Showtime, with each section showing their respective members with the exception of Nightcord since their identities were a mystery to the public. Instead of showing their group members, all it showed was a drawing that Ena and Mizuki instantly recognized. In this background image, only eight members were shown; Airi, Minori, Shizuku, Haruka, Tsukasa, Rui, Emu, and Nene.

“Th-That’s our…” Airi hesitated to continue, she didn’t expect his computer to have her group being the background. Was this a way of showing his support? 

“That’s my drawing...” she had no clue if Akito knew if she was part of N25, she never talked about them specifically. The fact that there weren't any of the group members being shown made her hesitate. All that was shown for N25 was the cover art for ‘Composing the Future’ which took Ena four days to complete.

Mizuki clenched their hands together. Just a single picture already told a lot about him and it already made them feel emotional.

“Let’s continue on. Staring at Airi-chan’s digital face won’t get us anywhere.”

They scrolled the mouse button to the bottom of the screen to pop up the internet. There were only a few tabs open, none of which seemed too interesting at a surface level glance. They clicked on the far left tab which just showed a video service website. It was just a recent song that was released which surprised none of them since he listened to music. They held the back button and none of the history of that tab grabbed their attention. It was all music they heard or listened to in the past. The second tab was the same as the first, the third tab was an article on music theory. It was long and complicated and looked like something a university student would look at to write a paper. She opened a new tab and saw bookmarks, each of them recognized what they were. They immediately opened each of them as if their life depended on it.

The first one was a streaming service website.

“No way…!” Airi’s eyes widened. “That’s where we stream. Has-Has he been supporting us?”

She saw he had an account and it was a name that she was familiar with. She always thought that the owner of this account was just a big fan that loved their streams. Never in a million years would she think that Akito was this guy that was commenting and constantly donating to them. 

“How does he have the time to watch us? I thought he was always busy during our stream times…” her eyes teared up, she put her hands to mouth to prevent her mouth from shaking. 

Mizuki noticed and let her take control. She scrolled around the account history and noticed that the last stream he watched was the second to last MMJ stream before they all took a small break. That aligned correctly with the time he went missing and why she hasn’t seen any comments from him. She couldn’t recall when she first saw this account comment during their streams, but he commented a few times per stream and always donated a generous amount which helped the team immensely. 

“I’m supposed to be the one comforting Ena, but here I am being comforted by him even though he’s missing, dammit.” her tears started to form even more and moved  away from the computer grabbing a tissue.

The second tab Mizuki clicked was Nightcord at 25:00’s main page. That got Mizuki and Ena’s eyes to widen like they never have before. Just like with Airi’s streaming site, he had an account here they were both extremely familiar with. It was the person that literally commented on each and single one of their videos since the very beginning. It was Akito, Akito was the mysterious person that commented on all of their hard work. Ena recalled what she said to him a while back.

“Hey I do have followers for your information. Many in fact, and one of them literally comments on each and every single one of my art pieces and our songs. That must mean that person loves the work we do, especially my art.”

“When he was making fun of me, was he actually talking about himself? He was the one that’s been supporting us? No way…” her tears started to silently fall down her cheeks like rain on a window.

“Lil Bro, thank you.” Mizuki hiccupped slightly, trying to stop themselves from tearing up.

“You’re the best brother Ena could ever have, if only you were here.”

“The amount of time each person sings fits well, the chorus is also nice.”

“You all must’ve worked forever to perfect this song.”

“As always, you all surpass my expectations every time I click on each song.”

Those were some of the comments he wrote. Mizuki and Ena quickly took out their phones to check if the comments matched with what they were seeing in front of them. All this time, he was the mysterious person to be supporting N25. If he wasn’t there to comment on all of their hard work, would they still be the same as they were?

And the third bookmarked tab that was opened, it broke Ena’s heart.

It was the same social media site that Ena uses for her selfies which people commented on for her looks. 

Except it wasn’t Akito posting pictures, it was him reposting pictures of Ena’s works.

Ena stared at the history page which Mizuki went to. It wasn’t purely reposts of art, it had other comments and other people’s art. The three of them guessed it was probably to make sure it seemed like an actual person using the account instead of a bot reposting a single person’s works out of desperation. It had all of Ena’s works she posted on her own personal account. He didn’t tag her, most likely to keep his support a mystery. She posted her latest artwork but this time he didn’t repost it because he wasn’t here to see it, yet despite that it got a lot more attention than her other works.

Ena’s throat shook, her brother has been supporting her art all this time and all she did to him about it was nothing. Her eyes were at their limit holding back their tears. Mizuki was tearing up silently, avoiding making noise as much as possible. They swallowed and held their breath to prevent their tears from dropping down. They clicked down to his music library, right now neither Ena nor they could handle looking at the internet.

The music library had many playlists which didn’t surprise anyone there. They were all neatly organized such as having a subcategory for covers or instruments. One playlist had his group’s song along with each individual cover. There was a small one with WxS, it didn’t look like they would release a lot of songs to the public. Another playlist had Airi’s group in it along with each singer’s solo cover that they released to the public so far. None of them in her group had a playlist this specific and this expansive of their songs saved to their phones or computers.    

Another playlist had N25 playlist on it, it had all of their current songs; from each individual cover to the group cover. Well, almost everyone’s, it had every song and cover they released but Ena’s. The amount of times he listened to their songs was high.

“So Lil Bro knew it was us all this time.” their voice cracked while smiling a little. Airi handed them a tissue and blew on her nose and wiped her tears with a new one.

“I’m not surprised, of course he wouldn’t have my covers saved, especially since I’ve become so distant to him.” Ena smiled bitterly while whispering to herself, it hurt her heart but if she were in his shoes, she wouldn’t listen to her own music.

Airi heard what her friend said, she didn’t want to believe that, Akito was many things but petty definitely was not one of them. He was supportive of her group and Ena’s and he always kept his promises. Her gut was telling her something wasn’t right, it was strange that it was only his sister’s voice that lacked a playlist.

“What other playlists does he have?” Mizuki gave Airi the seat, allowing her to take control again.

She scrolled down and she saw titles that definitely didn’t belong to Ena. She never saw a playlist this large, it was baffling. It was like he bought every single CD at the music store, possibly even having songs they never had. It was like an obsession, she knew he was passionate about music, but she never would’ve thought it was this expansive. She scrolled through them all until all that was left was to scroll all the way back to the top. Favorites was the only thing left and she clicked on it.

On top of the screen was “Infinitely Gray” and the amount of times he listened to it was abnormally high, it read 518 times and it was Ena’s solo cover.

“Wha? That’s your song Ena.” Ena’s mouth dropped.

And the song under it was another cover, but it was sung by Ena. 

And another one was also covered by her.

And another.

And another.

All of them were songs that Ena covered and publicly released and each one he listened to was in the low hundreds.

This time all of the tears Ena was holding back for the past several minutes bursted out like water inside a popped balloon. All this time her brother was her biggest fan, both her art and her voice. She couldn’t say the same to him, she didn’t have a single one of his group’s songs saved. She didn’t even go to one of his performances. She ran out and into her room, shutting the door immediately behind her.

“Akito, I’m so sorry, please come back!” she muffled onto her bed, her legs couldn’t support her. It was muffled but it was still loud enough to be heard from his room.

Her friends were still drying up their tears allowing her to let it out.

“You know, I was prepared to be a mess but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this.” Mizuki sniffled.

“You’re telling me. He’s the best brother anyone could have. I’m a bit jealous of her, I wish he was my brother. I just wish I could’ve supported him more, if I had known he was supporting me this much I would’ve gotten him something.” 

“I don’t think any gift could come close to being equal to the amount of support he’s given us.” Airi agreed.

Airi faced the computer again and clicked on “Most listened to” to look for more clues. Ena’s covers were the most listened to, but after that was N25’s songs; more specifically it was the songs that had dark lyrics or themes which Mizuki instantly recognized.

“Hey, do you think our songs have something to do with him?” they noticed songs like Hurting, Envy, and Reborn were some of the most listened to. Ena’s song, Infinitely Gray, was the most listened to but they thought it was odd that it was the most listened to. Even if he did listen to it to support her, the amount of times he listened to it was abnormal. Did he listen to the song for another reason?

“It’s definitely a possibility. While I do love your group’s songs, I don’t want to listen to it all the time, it depresses me. No offense.”

“None taken, I don’t listen to our songs too often cuz I don’t want to feel down.” they had to tell Ena about this, they noticed after N25’s songs, all other ones weren’t as frequently listened to. The gap difference that he listened to was tremendous, the songs most listened to after N25, he had only listened to a few dozen times.

“I’ll head downstairs to throw away our tears, even he’d get angry at me if I left this mess.” Airi grabbed the bent trash can with all the tissues they used. Mizuki proceeded to get back on the computer again to look for other hints of his last whereabouts or thoughts.

As she headed down, she recalled the last time she was at this house; it was back in junior high and it was the time when Ena wouldn’t tell her anything about her dad. She tried comforting her but she dodged the question or just gave vague answers. That was when she thought her friend was a hypocrite, she’d be in front of your face to help you but she refuses to get help herself. She loved and hated that part of her, so helpful to others but aggravatingly stubborn to accept it, that was why she went to Akito. Being simultaneously both a younger and older sister herself, she understood both Ena’s and Akito’s perspective. For Ena’s situation, if she couldn’t help her then Akito was the only one that could; there were things she didn’t know about her old friend that only he knew because Ena felt comfortable ranting towards him. Not once did he seriously complain about Ena behind her back to her during the few times they talked.

After she threw away the trash, she noticed a door was slightly opened. She recalled that Ena’s parents slept on the first (or ground) floor. Her dad wasn’t home recently, her poor brother was nowhere to be found, and she had a strained relationship with them, so who could’ve left the door open? With curiosity she gently opened the door and the bedroom was empty as expected. Right now she felt like she was in a horror movie, it was the first time she heard this house be this quiet. The bedroom was clean and she noticed another door that was wide open. She felt bad for technically trespassing but Ena wouldn’t care.

She walked towards the door and the room was dark. She reached for the lights and the room was a lot more colorful than she expected. She quickly deduced that this was the place where her friend’s dad did all of his work. She saw the chair was away from the desk it was near. She walked towards it to check up on it until she heard something crunch. Her foot stepped on some sort of paper that was terribly wrinkled and unfolded. She picked it up and noticed a few more papers that were lying around. She grabbed them all and deduced the order they were originally in. When she got a closer look it was addressed to Ena’s dad. She took a glance at it and read it, it was weird that it was on the floor. Reading it was hard since it was terribly wrinkled and her stepping on a page did not help.

But when she finished reading it, she wished she never noticed the door and entered. She read it again to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating.

“Oh no…” her eyes shook when she finished reading it again. “This can’t be real. It just can’t be, there’s no way! This has to be a joke right? I’m just dreaming…” she pinched her hands and she felt it. “I… I have to tell Ena, but when? Does she know  about this? What about poor Akito-kun?!” 

“Hey you in here?” she heard Mizuki’s voice. “Ah there you are, what’s taking you so long to throw away some tissues? What’s wrong, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” they noticed she was shaking and saw the papers on her hand. “What’s that?” they moved closer and reached for it, but she gently pulled away.

“I… if you read this, you might regret it. Once you read it, you can’t go back.” she trembled as she talked, she was biting her lips.

“Wha? It’s just junk isn’t it? Making jokes and pranks is my thing, not an idol’s.”

“I’m being serious,” her eyes made contact with theirs and they noticed she was scared. “I… this is your last warning. If you read this and if it is true, you can’t look at either one of them the same way ever again, it’s unpleasant. You could turn around and I could bear the burden alone.”

“Does it have something to do with Lil Bro?” she shook when she heard that nickname they gave to him, and she gave a weak nod. She looked away and fell down. “It can’t be that bad right?” they reached for the paper again and this time there was no resistance. They briefly stopped before gluing their eyes to the content.

Their eyes moved quickly, reading line from line. The more they read, the slower the movement became until their eyes looked like it was going to pop out. The more they read, the more their mouth opened.

“So this is why you said those things.”

“I found it here, I was curious why the door was slightly open. It was all over the floor and I doubt Ena entered here. The question is, did he enter here and read it? I hope not because if so, then…” she couldn’t finish that sentence, it hurt for her to think about it and she could only imagine the amount of distress it could’ve caused him if he did  enter here.

“Hey, this has to be forged or something right?” 

“It’s a possibility but I doubt it, why would her dad keep something forged? And why would it be wrinkled if it was forged?”

“It… It… It could be something those lawyers say, what was it again? Circumstantial evidence? What if it’s something like that?” they tried to think of a reason.

“It could be, but have you ever heard Ena talk about her mom?” Airi asked nervously.

They thought about that, recalling the conversations they had with her. She talked about her dad or her brother, but they couldn’t think of a single time she spoke of her mom.

“Have you?” she shook her head. “We are going to tell Ena right? This is too important.”

“I was planning on it, though a part of me wishedyou stayed upstairs.”

“Then what kind of friend would I be if I let you handle this alone? This is too important and too heavy of a burden for you to bear alone. You might’ve known him longer than I have but that doesn’t mean I care about him any less. So when are we gonna tell her?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think right now would be good for her mental state, but the longer we delay it, the worse it's gonna get. We have to find the right moment because if we don’t then she could crack, which is why I’ll be the one to tell her once I think the moment is right.”

“What? We should do it together, Ena’s gonna freak out and she might scratch you if you tell her all by yourself.”

Airi quickly recalled the time Akito had a few bandages on his hand when she asked him for that favor. It was only a quick glance so he didn’t notice but she had a hunch that it had to do with Ena.

“I feel like I should be doing this even though I haven’t talked to him much, I still think of him as my own brother. I owe him a lot and I’m the one that found the letter.” she thought that Ena scratched him a lot whenever she was lashing out at the world, most likely because he was more attentive to his sister because of that promise. It wasn’t fair that it was only him, she couldn’t face him again if she were to back away because she was scared of being lashed out by her friend. She wouldn’t be a friend to either of them

“I’m still not convinced.”

“I put a lot of pressure on him, so I’m reaping what I sowed.” Akito was fulfilling his promise pretty well, perhaps he was taking care of that promise too well. It was her turn to take back some of the burden she put on him.

“Of course someone as stubborn as you is friends with her. Just at least let me be there in the background when you do tell her. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Who’s being the stubborn one now? Fine, we’re gonna be here all day at this rate. Just let me take a photo of those real quick.” she grabbed the letter and placed it on the desk.

“Why?”

“Just in case something happens to the physical copy. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to hide this somewhere, I don’t want Ena to accidentally find this for at least a few days.”

“Still, I can’t believe all of this. It sounds like a sick joke, do you think either of them know?”

“I hope not, I just hope he didn’t read it. If he did then that could explain why they both had that fight back when he was in the hospital.”

“That’d explain quite a bit if that’s true.”

Airi sighed deeply and looked into their eyes. 

“When did things go so wrong? One day it was normal and within a day everything had gone south. If… when we do find him, will things go back to the way it was?

Mizuki had no idea how to answer that, it was a question that nobody could answer with confidence.

“I wish I knew. He hates getting special treatment, but it’s not like we could ignore him being missing all this time and treat it like nothing happened.”

“I should’ve gotten his phone number back when I visited him, I said that he was  like a brother to me and I don’t even at least have the courtesy to have his phone number, I’m such a hypocritical idiot. I should’ve checked up on him more! I could’ve called him and done more!”

“You did more than me, I did nothing to help him. I just believed Ena’s words and just left him to his own business. I could’ve gone to school and talked to him but I was too much of a coward because I thought I would be betraying Ena if I did. I even hid that fact from his friends for a bit, it wasn’t until I found out about when his birthday was that I finally talked to them about the incident. You’re a better friend than I am, you talked to Ena about it while I just ignored it for the most part and went on with my own business.”

“What we’ve done is done. We could regret all we want but we can do that while we help.” Airi sighed, walking out of the room as Mizuki followed and closing the door completely. “Was there anything else on the computer?”

“Just music videos from what I’ve seen so far. It is possible that he could’ve used incognito mode, but who knows if that’s true.”

“Guess it’s more investigating until we find something.” just then her phone rang. “Ah sorry, you go on ahead, I need to take this.” they nodded and headed upstairs.

On their mind were a thousand things involving Akito: his attitude, his disappearance, his family, his mom, that letter, they were all piling up. They knew only the surface level things about him but now as they dug deeper, more questions were brought up about him. What other secrets has he been keeping from everybody?

“Hey Ena, you alright? Do you need something?” they knocked at her door, the sounds of sniffling weren’t heard.

She opened the door and her face was a mess. Her eyes and nose were red as if she was cold or had allergies and her hair looked like someone ruffled it, it was a mess.

Mizuki looked at her and thought about Akito’s appearance and compared it to her. Now that they thought about it, neither of them resembled the other besides in attitude. They really hoped what they read was a fake.

“I’m fine now Mizuki, never in a billion years would I have guessed that Akito was our biggest fan all these years. I didn’t think he even had time to support us since he’s so obsessed with his own business.”

“Once he returns, I owe him big time.”

“I owe him everything. My own brother was my biggest fan and supporter all these years and I didn’t even support him with his own thing. I’ve been annoying him all this time and he’s always been there for me.”

“To be honest, if he hadn’t commented on all of our videos, I don’t think I’d be as motivated to be making them.” Ena nodded and agreed with that statement.

She walked back to his room and sat on the chair, hoping to find more answers about her brother. Her phone vibrated and Rin appeared for a brief moment.

“Ena, once you have the time, please come to the Sekai. It’s very important, Luka found something important.”

I opened my eyes and I’m unfortunately still breathing. All I see is literal black, like I’m in space but all of the planets and stars are all gone. Where am I? The last thing I remember was feeling nothing while I was being drowned by someone. I felt no pain and no discomfort for some odd reason. I walk around this weird space and it’s disorientating. I don’t know if I’m walking forwards or backwards, it’s like I’m in one of those optical illusions. How long have I been here, years?

I see no doors and I see no signs of an exit. 

“So the talentless failure is here, well done.”

I hear a familiar voice, so he’s here again.

I turn around and I do see me.

But a different me, unlike the one I’ve been seeing often. This one looks like a black and white version of me, like someone drew a sketch of me using only pencil. 

“If you want your wish granted, all you have to do is hold my hands. Even you could do something that simple right? Well at least I hope so, since that’s all you do.”

I really am mad, somehow I see another me. This whole Sekai business makes no sense, the last one didn’t help me so why should I follow this one? But then again it’s not like I have anything better to do, I hobble towards him and reach my hand towards it.

Next thing I know, I’m outside of my old room again. How will this be any different than all of the other times?

“Akito, is this what you really want?” another voice asked me, but this time it was familiar. It was that gentle voice I briefly heard while I was falling down here for the first time.

“I am behind you.” I turned around.

All I see is static and a blur, it’s like I’m staring at a censored image or reality is glitching, like how pixels would warp on broken screens. I couldn’t see behind it so it wasn’t transparent so something definitely was there in front of me.

“What are you?” I asked it.

“I see, so you cannot see me or recognize me. That is a shame, but I am not that surprised. That is not important right now, I shall ask again. Is this what you really want, Akito?”

Am I supposed to see whatever this thing is? Its voice was young but I didn't recognize it, almost like it was mocking me. 

I didn’t give this thing its answer, I’m not giving it the satisfaction.

“I see. So that is what you want. If that is your true feelings then I cannot stop you.” it disappeared instantly before I could blink.

What now? Where do I go from here?

“Hey jackass,” I heard that version of me again, except it sounded angry which was a tone I haven't heard in a while. “what the fuck are you doing!?” 

“Doing my job and role, you failed at yours so I’m taking over. After all, actors that fail at their jobs get replaced. You have no one to blame but yourself. I was being very patient, but now it’s time for me to take the spotlight, blame yourself for being useless.” that black and white version of me touched the other and it disappeared.

So they’re separate entities? I… I don’t know what to think. I see it walking upstairs nonchalantly like it’s bored.

“Pardon that useless thing, I’m the one that’s going to actually help you with what you want.” 

I take a step back.

“Now, now, no need to be so terrified, I’m not a dog. Well, unless you want me to summon a dog to bite you. If so I’ll be more than happy to summon one.”

I gulped and took a step back, closer to the door to my former room.

“Just open that door and you’ll finally realize everything.”

I look back and back towards it again. It had an uneasy smile on its face, almost like one of those clowns. It never took its eyes off of me. Considering where I am right now, I have no other choice. I opened the door while glancing at its ugly face, being cautious because I’m afraid that it’ll stab me while I’m distracted.

Once I enter I see a young me on its desk with its hands moving. I look around and I notice a few crumpled pieces of paper on the trash can and on the floor along with a few markers.

This… this was when I first drew after I was abandoned. I thought I had already visited this memory.

“Disgusting isn't it?” it put its hand on my shoulder and I flinched away from it. “Such a scared little dog, I can’t hurt you even though I want to.”

That statement made me feel uneasy about it.

“Look at that thing, drawing away with talent. Talent that it stole from Ena. Talent that it never deserved. How revolting, don’t you agree?” it faced me with that same small smile.

“Selfish thing, not asking for its sister for help, mocking her, causing her to trash her own art while she worked herself to the bone. She has to fight tooth and nail to get some attention from her dad while that thing gets it without any work. Don’t you agree?”

The younger me kept on drawing and drawing. That made me feel sick to my stomach, it should’ve never been drawn in the first place. The more I stared at that sight, the grayer everything became. 

“Now look at it, how is it fair that it gets to be happy while drawing while its sister struggles? What else is it going to steal from her? Her friends?” 

It’s not fair, that’s the truth of the world. 

“If someone doesn’t stop it, then who knows how its sister will react. Maybe she’ll be supportive but I doubt that. Maybe she’ll find a replacement hobby. Maybe she’ll run away from home. Maybe she’ll be missing. Maybe she’ll be sleeping forever.”

“And the only one who can stop that thing from causing those things to happen, is you.”

Me?

“What’s wrong, deaf also? I’ll repeat it once more, the only one who can stop that thing from ruining lives is you. At this rate it won’t be just her life that’ll be ruined, it’ll be lots more, people that you care and love.” 

In my hands I see a pipe, where the hell did I get this? I didn’t see it in my hands until now.

“You know what to do right? Just like how people kill disgusting bugs like cockroaches, you have to do what’s right. You could take your time, you won’t get in trouble here, after all this is the right thing to do. This is the only way. This is what they all want. This is what you want. You can do it, I believe in you.” that smile never faded and for some reason it sounded like the truth, it was mesmerizing in an unexplainable way.

I walked towards where that thing was and everything turned grayer and grayer.

That disgusting hair.

That disgusting drawing.

That disgusting happy voice that ruins everything.

I swung the pipe at it and like a paintball, everything splattered.

There’s no color, it’s just gray and there’s no smell. 

I swung again and again and it felt amazing the more I swung at it.

There’s no sounds of bone cracking, no organs, no blood, no tears, no sounds, no resistance. It’s like I’m hitting a mannequin or some sort of doll but I keep on swinging and for the first time in a long time I smiled, I genuinely smiled widely. It felt wonderful. Breaking this thing more and more was cathartic.

“Hehehe…” I smash this pipe into where this thing’s knees would be and a bit of pipe breaks. I smashed it with one hand onto it like a caveman and each swing made the pipe smaller and smaller until it became an unusable mess.

“HAHAHAHA!” all that’s left to hit it was my hands and so I punched its face rapidly. It felt similar to a mirror, more specifically like glass props in those movies, the ones that are harmless to you and break easily. 

I smashed that thing until there was nothing left but pieces left of it.

“Who knew it was this simple?! The answer was right in front of me all along! That was the most pleasant thing I’ve done!” I then hear clapping.

“You actually did, I didn’t think you’d do it, but you actually did it. Well done. Although if people were to see you right now, they’d think you were sick and insane.”

“If being sick and insane means I get to be happy for once in my useless life, then I’ll become the most sick and insane man ever! Besides it’s not like there’s anyone that gives a shit about how I feel. Even if there were anyone that did care about me, they could start hating me almost as much as I hate myself!”

“Oh does that mean what I think it means?”

I see the pieces of that thing on the floor all disappearing like it was some sort of CGI effect from those fancy movies. Then the smile on my face slowly faded back into what it was.

“Now I’m back to being bored. I’m leaving” all that’s left is to continue on with what I wanted, although I feel like I’m forgetting something, but if I forgot then that just means it wasn’t important enough. I think back to a while ago, the oldest memory I could think of.

“You’re thinking about how *** should’ve *@%!#*& you, right?

Chapter Text

How long has it been?

How long has Shinonome Akito been missing from this world?

To some, it felt like years passed. Several people noticed his disappearance, but outside of that small group, nearly everyone else in the world didn’t even know he existed or acknowledged him.

Akito didn’t have any power to influence people.

He didn’t have the money to help people.

He didn’t have the intelligence to help improve the world.

He didn’t have any special contacts for the population to worry about him.

He doesn’t have the talent for his voice to be heard.

Each day the sun and the moon would rise and set without him, continuing on normally.

At his school, only a few people acknowledged his existence.

His classmates didn’t really quite care that much, he wasn’t really friends with any of them but none of them were enemies. They continued on and those passing days without him were for the most part unnoticed by them.

There was the football club, they were grateful for his assistance despite the fact he no longer plays. However, they were still continuing on with their lives as normal; the only thing that really changed was that they had less help on certain days. Their coach however, barely commented on his disappearance. What he’s doing, he wouldn’t tell the team.

Tenma Tsukasa was his senior and it was safe to say that Akito didn’t like him that much. He didn’t hate him, but he’d rather not be associated with someone that causes trouble and his loudness. Tsukasa truth be told, got annoyed whenever he was pranked by him. He hates insects and he’d always fall for the simplest trick said by his junior. Now that he was gone, he had full safety from those pranks. 

Yet it felt empty. Sure it was nice but it felt wrong that he wasn’t here. Whenever he wasn’t hanging out with Rui, he’d either go to Toya or him. Now it was just Toya. It was like he never existed. He missed that slight chaosness from his small pranks, it was a breath of fresh air compared to Rui’s antics. Whenever he did meet with Toya, he’d be even less expressive than usual, even talking less, paying less attention.

Kamishiro Rui didn’t hang out with Akito that much, they’d have a few conversations here and there at school and that would be it. The only time they really hung out was that wedding incident and even then it was just by pure coincidence, Akito only hung out with him because of Toya. Still, he was grateful for the help nonetheless. Rui promised that he owed him and he would return the favor one day. But how can he do that? You can’t return a favor to someone that’s not there. 

They didn’t interact much outside of school, the closest thing to an interaction they had was when he visited he and his group’s performances whenever he got invited. The first time when Tsukasa invited Akito, Rui was sure that Akito would pass unless Toya was invited. That was only partly true however. One time during an early morning show, Akito was in the audience and he wasn’t invited by anyone in Wonderlands x Showtime. That meant Akito did the research and went by his own volition. Rui noticed his hair in the audience and was actually surprised. When he confronted him about his support, he just brushed it off and said that it was probably someone else. Rui knew he was just embarrassed to admit it or was acting like a tsundere. He was still performing quite well, but he wasn’t giving it his usual 150% energy along with Tsukasa. Akito was missing and he could do nothing, not even his robots could help, it was as if he disappeared. 

Truth be told, both Otori Emu and Kusanagi Nene were terrified of him. Emu got along with almost everybody. Not even Mafuyu was as terrifying as him, at least she was capable of actually showing a true smile. Sure she was scary, but there were times she wasn’t. His smile however, looked like someone slapped a smiley face sticker on him. She never would’ve thought in a million years that there was somebody even more terrifying and capable of showing a scarier smile than Mafuyu. It was the first time she saw a smile of that caliber and she felt guilty. She should’ve visited and helped him give a genuine smile like she does with Mafuyu. Even she was successful at making her smile from time to time, but how can she give smiles to a person that’s gone?

Nene, she honestly didn’t like Akito at all. He was terrifying, he was fake, and his fakeness felt disgusting to her. But she didn’t hate him. She wanted nothing to do with him, but it seems her wish came true, too well. That day when she saw him with that Mafuyu girl Emu talks about, it was like she saw a giant, demonic skeleton behind him. Whenever she saw him, she’d avoid him. Whenever he asked her where Toya was, she avoided eye contact and answered and left in a hurry. Now that he was gone, he wasn’t there to disturb him but that was too far. She didn’t want him to be missing or anything, that thought made her feel guilty and looking at her classmate Toya made her feel even worse. She rarely saw him alone and having those thoughts about his friend just made her feel like she was responsible.

To the members of Leo/Need, his disappearance didn’t directly affect them that much. He never spoke to any one of them nor did he see any of them. Ichika and Honami were barely affected by his disappearance, only being saddened because someone they knew was affected. Saki was the only one “directly” affected since his brother and Toya were saddened by his disappearance. All Saki knew about Akito was that he helped Toya out during the wedding event and that he went to Kamiyama.

For More More Jump!, all Haruka and Minori could do was wait and hope for the best. Haruka knew Akito the least of the group, but she did want to talk to him, she was entertained whenever she heard An talk about him. 

Kohane, Minori, and Shiho were all at a small café. Minori and Shiho noticed Kohane being quieter than usual these days. They knew her friend was missing and they couldn’t blame her for acting like that, Shiho especially, she went through a similar experience as her. They invited her to help cheer her up since it had been a while since they all hung out together. 

“So how come you ordered the root beer float? It’s cold out.” Minori curiously asked.

Kohane took a small sip like a hamster which An often teased her about. Akito would also join in from time to time and call her that.

“I saw it was new on the menu and I wanted to try something new. That and Shinonome-kun would probably enjoy this. If… when he returns I want to recommend this to him. He’s always recommending good places to try out sweets, so I thought it’d be a nice change of pace if I recommended something to him for once.” she took another gentle sip staring down at the cup. “He was the one that recommended that pancake place we went to last time.”

“I’ll have to thank him for that next time we meet, those were some of the fluffiest pancakes.”

“Say…” Shiho spoke softly, she was trying to find the right words. “what’s your friend like?” she thought maybe if she talked about him, it’ll cheer her up.

“Shinonome-kun is amazing.” Kohane quickly spoke out, a small smile forming. “Out of all of us, I’d say he’s the most passionate one about music, oh but please don’t tell An-chan that otherwise she’d get competitive! I rarely see him not practicing; I practice a lot because I’m the least experienced one in the group but he practices even more than I do. I wish I could be more like him.”

“I see.” 

Shiho doesn’t know the guy, all she knew about him was he was Kohane’s friend and in the same group. Other than that, she’d see him in Vivid Street quite often; whether in the streets or in live houses. 

“What a good first impression he made.” Minori spoke again, she was curious about him since she only spoke to him once.

“Actually…” Kohane weakly corrected. “I sort of, kind of, slightly didn’t like him at first. He actually scared me.”

“Eh?!”

“It was because of my inexperience. When I first sang on stage with An-chan, the lights went out and I froze and Shinonome-kun said that he messed with the lights. He had a scary look on his face and said that I’m holding An-chan back and I don’t have what it takes to sing and that I don’t belong in the music world.”

“What a freaking jerk.” Shiho thought to herself, she started wondering why she was friends with a guy that had a terrible first impression.

Minori waited for her friend to finish, she didn’t expect Akito to act like that. Her first impression of him was completely different from her friend’s.

“Because of that, An-chan and I became a little distant for a day. But it turns out he didn’t mess with the lights at all, someone else did.”

“Eh?! Why would he take responsibility for something he didn’t do?!”

“Shinonome-kun hates excuses, the guy that messed with the lights did it to help him. Since he was the reason the guy cut the lights, he took responsibility.”

“That’s an unusual logic.”

“It is, but that’s what makes him, him. Anyways, what he said was right. It was hurtful, especially when he called me a shrimp, but he was right. I lacked the resolve compared to everyone else. To be honest, if he wasn’t blunt and straightforward, I’m not sure if I’d be singing with An-chan. I don’t know what I’d be doing if it weren’t for him.”

“But couldn’t he word it better, even I’m not as blunt as that.” Minori and Kohane gave a quick blank stare at her. Kohane knew she was just as blunt as him when the situation called for it, she didn’t say it out loud to prevent the conversation from curving.

“Maybe, but it was a wake-up call I needed. Besides, he’s actually a lot nicer than I’m making him out to be.”

“How so?”

“He’s always looking out for everyone in the group, always pointing out what needs fixing and what’s being done right. I think you’d get along with him.”

“I guess?”

“I know you two would get along if you two met and spoke.” Minori added in. “You two are similar from what I’m hearing.”

“He never makes excuses, his passion to surpass RAD WEEKEND is amazing. He’s amazing like An-chan, it’s no wonder why he initially thought An was too good for me as a partner. He also unexpectedly has a gentler, cute side to him.”

“Oh?” both Minori and Shiho raised an eyebrow.

“A while back, we tried out some new sweets and when he took a bite he had a big smile on his face, like a kid in a candy store. An-chan secretly took a photo of him to make fun of him in the future; I’d show you two the photo if I had it. He also unexpectedly shops with his sister. I coincidentally saw him and he was hiding from his sister, essentially begging me to keep quiet so that he wouldn’t be found so he wouldn’t carry the bags. In the end he still carried them.” Kohane bitterly smiled, those were nice times.

“I knew he wasn’t as bad as your story initially started out!” Minori smiled, happy that he didn’t break her expectations.

“If only I could’ve helped him like the amount of times he helped me.”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t there, but a few months ago he challenged someone named Tono Arata, but he lost pretty badly. Since he takes music seriously, it hurt his pride so he spent even more time practicing, he’d practice even after group practice was over which was a bit off, usually he’d just go for a light jog afterwards or something. He looked more and more tired everyday and his voice sounded off when talking, well if he talked. He’d even sing at live houses back to back. Then one day Tono Arata crashed the live house he was about to sing at and beat him again, this time even worse. I don’t know why he’d specifically go after him. If I’d known, I would’ve arrived sooner with everyone else to prevent that, but we were too late. It took us a while to find him but when we did, he was in an isolated alley sitting down with his head on his knees. It was the first time I’ve ever seen him like that and I never want to see him like that ever again. Seeing him be so vulnerable hurts, seeing him like that was wrong. Some teammate I turned out to be. He’s always looking out for me yet I couldn’t do the same for him when he needed help the most.

Shiho gritted her teeth.

“If only people could actually see him for who he is though.”

“What is it this time?” Shiho asked, this time her voice deepened.

“Because of that light incident, some people still don’t have a good impression of him and misjudged him. They still think he cut the lights and because of that, they don’t like him. Recently, bad rumors about him have been spreading around and it hurts to hear that. Shinonome-kun is not a bad person, far from it, if only people could see that.”

“What kind of rumors?” Shiho’s voice got even deeper, her eyes sharpening.

“There’s a lot of different ones from what I’ve heard. The light incident has been falsely spreading and because of that some of his fans felt betrayed. Some people are making up lies and rumors about that incident, like how he caused An-chan and I to split apart, or how he’s going to sabotage someone else’s performance.” Kohane finished her root beer float, her bitter smile dying was noticed by her friends.

“Those people spreading falsely saying that are all idiots!” Shiho shouted, startling the two. “Ah, sorry. Only cowards and idiots spread rumors like that!”

“Well, I wouldn’t word it like that, but yeah, they’re not nice people. People need to stop misjudging him. Enough about me, how exactly did you meet him?” she faced Minori.

“It’s not as exciting or as long as yours.”

“I’m still curious, you said you met him at the park?”

It was a late summer day, with classes starting right around the corner. Fortunately for Shinonome Akito, it was a warm day and the air wasn’t dry. It was a good day to work on his weak lungs. He first started with simple stretches after sneaking off from his house so that he wouldn't wake up his sister. If she woke up, he’d get a giant nagging from her and he’d be forced to get her something from the convenient store.

He started off with deep breathing, he learned the hard way that breathing is a lot harder than it looked. Most people breathe with their lungs which is normal, but people that meditate or play sports use all sorts of varied and difficult breathing techniques. Back when he played football, when he didn’t take it as seriously as he should’ve, he breathed with just his lungs. Now that he jogs, he’s been doing everything he can to improve his lungs which caused him trouble back when he was younger.

On the other side of the park Minori was with Haruka both walking Samo-chan (the unofficial mascot of More More Jump!) since it was the perfect weather for a walk.

“I think we went a little overboard with Samo-chan being on our streams.” Minori chuckled weakly as she scratched the back of her neck with her free hand, her other hand was gripping the leash.

“Maybe, but who can say no to an adorable dog like yours? Besides, Samo-chan helped our view go up.”

“True, but didn’t Miku-chan say we’re more of a Samo-chan channel now?”

“Yeah… maybe we should let Samo-chan take a break from our streams.”

Samo-chan turned around and gave his puppy eyes towards Haruka, to which she was weak to; cute things always made her weak.

“S-Sorry, but I can’t let you influence me!” she closed her eyes and turned away from the dog which he replied with a bark.

Minori let out a small chuckle, she had no idea how to respond to that since she also can’t say no to her own dog most of the time.

“Say, isn’t it a little uncomfortable wearing a small disguise for your runs?”

“It was at first but I got used to it. It’s still early in the morning so luckily there’s not a lot of people so there was no need to go overboard on one. I’ll pick out a good hat and glasses for you next time so you’ll have a good idea on how to disguise yourself.”

“Haruka-chan’s going to pick out a disguise outfit for me, if this is a dream then I don’t want to wake up!” she let out a large, cathartic smile on her face.

“Minori, the leash!” Haruka cried out.

Minori didn’t notice that her dog was tugging on the leash and soon he ran, causing her to lose her grip.

“Ah! Samo-chan wait! Come back!” her words fell on deaf ears as he kept on running. Both of the girls ran towards him.

He was running towards an orange-haired boy who was finishing up his stretches. The sound of the leash being dragged across the floor was heard by the boy.

“What’s that?” he turned his head and noticed the fluffy, white furred dog running towards him. “Ah crap!” before he could run away, the dog pounced on him like a cheetah hunting down a gazelle.

He was licking his face (with love) ignoring the screams from the boy.

“Get off me! Ahhh! Dog drool! Ew!” he screamed out loud, he tried to gently push the dog off him, he could easily shove him off but he couldn't muster the strength to do so. He didn’t like dogs but he didn’t want to hurt them, he didn’t hate them. The more he struggled, the more this random dog avoided his hands to lick him.

“Samo-chan! Stop, stop, stop!” he heard a girl’s voice, probably the owner.

“Get off him Samo-chan, he looks troubled!”

He stopped licking the poor, frightened boy and turned his head towards the two, having no clue how to read the mood or situation.

“Ok good, now be a good boy and stay there.” Minori walked towards him and reached towards the leash.

Yet to both of their surprise, he ran off while stepping off of the boy’s stomach causing him to flinch.

“Ah! Minori, I’ll go after him!” Haruka sprinted towards the disobedient dog.

Minori stood there, red with embarrassment. Her usually obedient dog never acted like this towards people.

“I’m-I’m so sorry! Samo-chan is usually well-behaved, I promise! I have never seen him act like this.” she bowed down towards the boy.

“It’s-It’s not a problem.” he weakly replied as he got up. His hair was a mess, his usual outfit was full of dirt and dog fur, drool was stuck towards his cheeks.

Minori looked him in the eye and he had an obviously distressed look, he was just trying to be polite. He had every right to be angry at her. Whether she closed her eyes out of shame or fear from the boy, she had no idea; probably a mix of both.

He brushed off the dirt and hair, he walked towards the nearby bench and got a towel from his bag. 

“Once again I’m so sorry!” she bowed again.

“I told you, it’s fine, it was an accident. Just an accident…” his body trembled at the scent of dog drool all over him.

She stood there trying to think of a way to make him feel better. She thought of what her friends would do, but took another look at him.

“I’m sorry, but have we met?” she wondered.

“I don’t think so, I believe this is our first encounter.” he put on his good boy persona.

“I feel like I’ve seen you before, maybe from a photo?”

“A photo? Am I some sort of celebrity now?”

“Maybe? Your hair looks familiar.”

“Maybe a friend of yours then?” he finished wiping off his face.

“Kohane-chan’s the only one I know that actively takes photos…” she whispered out loud, loud enough to be heard.

“Wait, you know Kohane? Azusawa Kohane?” 

“Wait, I remember now! You’re Kohane-chan’s friend! The one in the same group right?” a lightbulb lit up.

“Did Kohane mention me or something?” 

“Yeah, she showed me a photo of your group! I went to one of your shows a little while back! You were all amazing!”

“Oh, oh thank you.” he gently scratched his cheeks, not used to receiving compliments.

“Performances like yours inspires me to work harder to become an idol!”

“Idol? You’re working to become an idol?”

“Yes, it’s my dream to become one, just like Haruka-chan!” Akito could practically see her eyes lit up like stars.

“Why does that name sound so familiar?”

“Kiritani Haruka-chan! A popular idol making her comeback with me!”

“Is that idol important to you?”

“Very important! She’s the reason why I wanted to become an idol in the first place! Inspiring people, giving people hopes and dreams.” he could've sworn her eyes shined even brighter at the mention of this Haruka girl. “She always said ‘Tomorrow will be a better day!’ which is why I’ll never give up!”

“Ah, so we’re similar in a way.” he whispered to myself with a faint smile. “She sounds like an amazing person. Do you mind how well that’s going?”

“Pretty well. I think?”

“You think?”

“Well we’re in a freelancer group, but to be honest I feel like I’m just piggybacking off of my member’s previous fame.” her smile weakened which Akito immediately noticed.

“Piggybacking?” that word, he was far too familiar with it.

“Before we officially joined, I tried auditioning to a bunch of places, fifty times I tried to be specific.”

“FIFTY?!” his eyes widened.

“Yeah, but none of them were a success…” he saw a bitter smile on her face, the same one he was used to. “But I never gave up! Each one I didn’t pass I just tried even harder! I’m not as talented as Haruka-chan but I’ll work hard to be just as good as her so that I can be proud when I’m standing next to her and everyone else!

Akito couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he finally met someone similar to him, someone as tenacious, someone as serious, someone as passionate about their dreams, and some stupid adults that think they know better all rejected her.

“Well they’re all idiots!” he let go of his fake persona and let his real self out, a tone of voice which slightly startled her. He realized what he’s done, well it was too late to fake it now.

“Eh?” she was startled by the sudden change of tone he was letting out.

“Those people hosting those auditions are all idiots for rejecting you!” too late to back down now, he had to let his real self talk to Kohane’s friend.

“I wouldn’t word it like that, I wasn’t good enough for them.” she tried to correct him.

“Well you are good enough! The fact that you still haven’t given up on your dreams means you are! Most people, including myself, would’ve gotten discouraged after like five rejected auditions. But here you are freelancing even after fifty tries!”

“Yeah but I’m not talented-”

“Screw talent! Those idiots in those stupid suits are all idiots for denying you your dream! They don’t get to decide if your dreams are dumb! If they can’t see all of the hard work you’ve done, then the industry could burn! You decide your dreams, not them! You prove those idiots wrong!”

“Eh?”

“I don’t follow the industry that much, but you just got yourself a fan! If I have time, I’ll go to one of your concerts or whatever! Once you make it big, it’ll be a fun day to say that I was one of your fans from the beginning!”

“EEHHH!?” she screamed out. “My first fan! My first fan in-person! I’m one step closer! Thank you!” she grabbed his hands and shook it like she was the one meeting an idol.

“Oh, where are my manners? I'm Shinonome Akito, but you probably knew that.”

“I’m Hanasato Minori! Nice to officially meet you Shinonome-kun!” his smile weakened at the mention of that part of his name.

“Just call me Akito, Shinonome has way too many syllables to say out loud, I don’t mind people calling me by my first name.”

“If you say so Shino-er Akito-kun. I still can’t believe it, it feels like a dream to have my first fan!”

“I'll be cheering you on, prove those idiots that rejected you wrong.” he let out another natural smile until his phone started ringing. “Oh crap! I’m sorry, but I gotta go somewhere right now, sorry!”

“Not a problem! Thank you once again and bye!” she waved as he ran off to his business.

“Minoriii!” Haruka’s voice called out to her as she walked past the boy. “Sorry about that, I finally caught Samo-chan.” he let out a guiltless bark, still wagging his tail with a smile on his face.

“I didn’t wait that long, thanks for catching him.”

“Was the guy angry?” 

“Not anymore, he forgot about it and… Oh no!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to tell him our group name! He can’t support us if he doesn’t know!”

“And that’s what happened.” she finished, hoping it was entertaining.

“So you forgot to tell him about More More Jump!...” Shiho commented while quickly texting someone on her phone.

“I was so happy that I got a fan! Wouldn’t you let that get to your head for a little bit if you made your first fan?”

“True.” she agreed. “Although I probably would’ve ran up to him and written him the group on a piece of paper or something.”

“At least Kohane-chan let him hear our songs, so now he knows about us!”

“Yeah.” she weakly nodded. She wondered if he’ll be there to keep his promise to Minori. 

Her friends noticed her reaction again.

“Hey, do you want to go to Phoenix Wonderland after New Year’s? I heard there’s going to be a New Year’s play.”

“Let’s not forget about the seasonal plushies.” Shiho’s eyes lit up a little, she wanted the New Year’s Phenny plush, she had every single one that was released so far.

“That sounds fun, but maybe. Sorry for not giving a straight answer like I usually do.”

“No worries, no rush. Even if you don’t want to go, there’s always another time.”

Luka found something important at their Sekai? Neither Mizuki or Ena forgot something there that they forgot. Before either one of them could ask her what it was, Rin ended the call.

“Couldn’t Kanade or Mafuyu check up on what she found?”

“Kanade is still sleeping, she was working on our song for a long while last night and Mafuyu is busy studying.”

“Ah, then once Airi leaves, let's go check up on what’s so important.” Mizuki agreed.

Truth be told, Ena wanted to meet up with Luka right now to see what it was but if she disappeared then Airi would panic. Ena thought she wouldn’t understand what it was like to have a Sekai. If she were in N25, it’d make things so much easier to explain.

“Where’s Airi?”

“She’s contacting someone, I think it was important. She should be here in a few minutes.”

Ena closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Mizuki, be honest with me. Am I a horrible person? Am I a terrible sister?”

Mizuki’s eyes widened, shocked that she would say those things. They thought she was joking but her weak expression on her face told no joke. Her nose was red like a tomato and she was still hiccuping and sniffling.

“Ena, of course no-“

“Without your bias! I know you’re going to say something like we’re friends, but remove that thought. If I was a complete stranger and you heard me say those terrible things to my little brother, what would you think about me? Disgust? Anger?”

Mizuki couldn’t look her in the eye, it was too painful and they were too ashamed to. They remained too passive in the sidelines which certainly didn’t help the situation they had. They briefly looked at her again and thought about the letter once more and thought about Akito. If you were to take a photograph of the Shinonome “siblings” and compare them side by side, they wouldn’t think they were siblings; maybe distant cousins, but never in a million years would they guess they were siblings by appearances alone. They first met him at the school festival and they weren’t expecting to see orange hair, it surprised them a bit. 

If somewhere in a different life if they never befriended Ena, what would they think of her in this situation? 

“I-I’m not sure.” they didn’t want to hurt her by saying what they really thought from her hypothetical situation; if they said it then their friendship might break and they didn’t want that, they didn’t want to go back to those lonely old days.

“Answer honestly, I promise I won’t get mad. It’s because of my short temper it got us into this mess, into whatever mess Akito is in.” 

“I…” they thought about their words carefully, saying the wrong thing could make things go from terrible to horrendous. “I think you snapping at your brother this time was too far. You could’ve been a much better sister.” they wanted to run away, saying those words hurt but that’s all they’ve been doing. Running away now wouldn’t solve anything, if anything it’ll make things worse just like being on the sidelines when Akito was sick.

“So you too huh…” Ena smiled bitterly, staring at her hand, the same hand that struck her brother’s cheek. “Thanks, I needed to hear that. I was thinking about that all week, I tried to think about the amount of times he snapped at me but that incident at the hospital was the only one I remember. I’m such a spoiled brat, I’m always bossing him around and yelling at him but the one time he does it to me, I treat him as if he’s the reason why everything doesn’t go my way, as if he was the reason I suffer. Airi is right, he is the more mature one out of us, he is an amazing brother.”

Mizuki hoped that the letter they read was false, hearing the word brother now felt like a curse. The pits of their intestines twisted, it was like that letter was cursed and now it hurts to think of him.

“Is something wrong?” Ena noticed they had a look, a recognizable look they put on from time to time.

“I just miss him, that’s all.” they couldn’t imagine how much she was missing her own brother.

“Sorry about that, I’m back.” Airi entered.

“Everything alright?”

“Not really, I have some business to attend to later. But enough about me, what about you two?” she noticed the reds of Ena’s face and Mizuki’s conflicted look.

“Like you, we have business later on.”

“Hey Airi,” Ena spoke, facing towards her old friend. “be honest with me, am I a terrible sister?”

“What? Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” Airi questioned while Mizuki’s eyes widened.

“Ena, I’m not sure if that’s a good question to ask again.”

“Again?” Airi questioned out loud.

“I’ll be fine. If I can’t handle this kind of criticism from my own friends then how am I supposed to fix my attitude once I see Akito again? I need to hear this, if I don’t then I don’t deserve to call myself a sister.”

Both Airi and Mizuki felt sick, the contents of that letter cursing them both.

“Do you really want me to be brutally honest? You know what I’m like.”

Ena immediately nodded.

“You sure? Because I’m not going to hold back.”

She nodded once more.

Airi closed her eyes, carefully thinking of the wording so it wouldn’t come back to bite her once she tells her the contents of that letter later on. She took a deep breath in and opened her eyes.

“You know, I’m awfully jealous of you Ena. I wish I had a brother like yours and to be honest, when you told me that you forgot his birthday I wanted to slap some sense into you. You always complain about him yet he’s constantly doing you favors even though he doesn’t want to. The only thing you could do for him right now is to improve your attitude towards him once he returns.” she wanted to say more but that would cause more trouble in the future.

“Hey, isn’t that a bit too-”

“Thanks, I needed to hear that.” Ena cut off Mizuki, almost like she didn’t want their help. “I’m such an ungrateful idiot.”

“Ena, you’re being harsh on yourself.”

“Not as harsh as I’ve been treating Akito.” they had nothing to say, because deep down they know what she said was right. “How often do you two fight with your siblings?”

“My sister is overseas so we don’t talk that often, but I don’t remember the last time we fought.”

“I get into a bunch of little fights with my sisters. Sometimes over stupid things like who ate the last snack in the fridge or if one of us didn’t do the chores around the house.”

“Heh, sounds like me and Akito.” 

Both of them had no idea what to say.

“I wonder how things would’ve changed if mom was still around.” she whispered loudly enough for both of her friends to hear.

Both of their eyes widened, it was the first time either one of them heard Ena talk about her mother out loud.

With curiosity filling their minds, Mizuki asked her friend about her mom, despite a part of her not wanting to know.

“Where… where is your mom now?”

“Dunno.” she quickly and casually responded. “She left us a long time ago, I haven’t heard from her since. Whenever I ask my dad about her, he just says that it’s best that I don’t know and that it was for the better. I don’t think he did anything to her, we were a happy family back then but she left one day all of a sudden. Ever since, it’s just been the three of us. I doubt Akito remembers her, even though I can barely remember her. I miss her though, she always helped me with situations like these.”

“What was she like?”

“I wanna say she doted on me a lot? It’s a bit hard to remember, I think she was the reason why I started liking pancakes a lot, her pancakes were amazing. I do wonder why she left us, but I doubt I’ll know.”

She browsed through his computer again, not letting her emotions get to her this time. Both of her friends stayed silent, it was the first time they heard her talk about her mom and it was not what they were expecting to hear. All they saw was more posts of Akito supporting MMJ, WxS, and N25. It was a long string of posts; his support of N25 was there even before the members all met each other. It started even before Ena drew art for Kanade just for fun, he was supporting Kanade back when she first started. Heck, there were small bands that he was supporting, playlists were well organized; some had hundreds of songs.

“Hey Mizuki, you’re friends with An right?”

“Yeah why?”

“Next time you meet her, could you ask her when’s the next time her group’s gonna sing once Akito returns? I want to support him for once in my life.”

“Alright, I’ll go to school again just for you.” they hated going to class most of the time.

Hinomori Shiho was for the most part, just a normal school girl. She went to school, she likes music; especially the bass, LOVES cute things (especially Phenny), a normal family, normal friends. Yet lately for her, her older sister hasn’t been trying to get clingy with her like she normally does. All she’s been doing lately was texting her on her whereabouts and checking up on her during school. She usually wouldn’t have minded this unusual change, but today for her was annoying. She just finished hanging out with Kohane and Minori and her sister was still texting her, even after she sent one.
She was on her way to Vivid Street to work for a few hours and like Kohane said, there were rumors about that Akito guy spreading. As she was sitting down at the front desk for the live house she usually worked at, she heard two guys talk.

“Hey, have you heard about that guy who kept on crying about RAD WEEKEND?”

“Which guy?”

“The guy with the stupid dyed orange hair.”

“Oh that loser, what about him?”

“Seems like he finally quit about that stupid dream of his.”

“Wasn’t he the guy that kept on rambling around for years about how he’ll surpass RAD WEEKEND or whatever?”

“That’s the one. Turns out he stopped rambling and gave up on that nonsense.”

“Is that why I don’t see him around here?”

“Why else? It’s not like there's any reason for him to be around these parts if he’s not gonna be singing, and I haven’t seen him play any instruments.”

Shiho turned her head and looked away from them, she was disgusted by them. She didn’t know the Akito guy personally, but even she knew he wouldn’t give up on music so easily, she saw him around here and there. She heard him sing a few times and he kept on improving. Not to mention Kohane and Minori talking about him, her friends weren’t liars. At first when she heard the rumors, she thought it was just another guy or just another dead rumor but slowly she realized it was him. Then she realized many people weren’t concerned about him being missing. Each day she spent here she’d usually hear someone talking about him like he was dead. That irked her, that was no way to treat someone like that, but she couldn't do anything about it; the rumors already spread like wildfire and for someone like him that visited Vivid Street like it was his primary home, it was inevitable. 

She heard people talk about RAD WEEKEND and she wished she could’ve been there for that night; many people shared that thought. She’d occasionally see Taiga or Ken but she didn’t share the same excitement as others since she wasn’t there that night. She’d heard a few rumors a while back how they’d both been training VBS personally. If that were true, there’s no way that the Akito guy would quit like the rumors were saying. She might not know him, but from the stories she heard and from the little she saw him, he took music just as seriously as her.

All she had to do was ignore these rumors, they’ll eventually die off, especially when he would return. If she’d try to stop them, she accidentally might be fanning the flames instead. It hurt that she couldn’t help her friend with this, but she couldn’t do much. If the adults wouldn’t stop, then a kid like her can’t do much to stop it. All she can do is wait, wait like how Kohane is waiting for good news that her friend would-will come back. Waiting for her shift to be over though, felt like a chore. She’d rather deal with her older sister’s dotingness than hear the occasional rumor about the guy that did nothing wrong. She brought out her phone and started texting someone again.

When her shift was finally done, she was more than happy to dash out of the live house. For once in her life she didn’t want to be near music, the people in Vivid Street were being increasingly annoying. Her phone shook from receiving a text message, it was from her sister.

“Where are you now?” it read.

“I’m going home now.”  she answered.

“That’s not what I asked.” was her sister’s response.

An unusual response from her which she ignored for now. She walked until she was out of Vivid Street, once she was out, she felt like she could breathe in some fresh, clean air. Luckily for her she didn’t bring her bass today otherwise it would’ve weighed her down. A lot of things have been weighing people down lately, Minori and Kohane with the Akito guy. Saki hasn’t been as cheerful as she usually is, she says it’s because her brother and an old friend of hers haven’t been feeling like themselves lately. She also had to figure out what to give her sister for her birthday coming up, but with all this issue with her friends, she didn’t have the time to think of anything.

She made it to her front door, opening it unaware of the events to come. She saw her sister in front of the door, with her arms crossed.

“Shiho, I sent you a message, why didn’t you answer me?” she boldly said.

“I answered your message, you know I was on my way home. It’s always been like this.”

“Yes, but you still could have answered, I was worried about you. I was worried something could’ve happened.” she was upset, which was the first time she saw her like this, she never saw her upset.

“It’s not that late, besides, I always arrive home at this time, there was no need for you to be worried.”

“I NEED TO BE WORRIED!” Shiho jumped, she never heard her sister shout, never expecting it to be towards her of all people. “You’re my little sister, I need to be worried! It’s my job!”

“I-I know you’re worried, but I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.”

“It’s dangerous around here at night! Why can’t you understand that Shiho!? I don’t want you to disappear!”

“Disappear?” she wondered until she just realized her sister was calling her by her name instead of Shi-chan.

“You heard about that Akito boy haven’t you? I don’t want what happened to him to happen to you!” her eyes started tearing up, part of her hurting that she was snapping towards her dear little sister.

“Is this why you’ve been acting weird all this time?” another voice entered in, closing the door behind her.

Shiho turned around and saw Airi.

“What are you doing here?”

“I got a message earlier today to check up on you tonight. Although, I wasn’t expecting something like this. Have you been worried about your little sister all this time?”

Shizuku couldn’t answer, she opened her mouth only for silence to come out. She then shook her head. 

“Not exactly.” she looked away from her sister and friend’s eyes.

“Then what is it then? Whatever it is, I promise I won’t be upset if you want to tell me.”

Shizuku looked quickly at her friend’s eyes, only to look away to stare at the ground.

“I’m too ashamed.” her voice cracked, neither Shiho nor Airi saw her like this. “If I were to say it, you and Ena would hate me.”

“There’s nothing in this world that would cause me to hate you. Ena would also never hate you, we’re friends.”

Silence filled the entranceway, Shiho and Airi being patient with her. 

“When…” she took a deep breath, her eyes tearing up even more. “When you told me Akito-kun went missing that day on the roof, the first thing I thought wasn’t anything like ‘What happened?’ or “How can I help?”, the first thing I thought of was “I’m glad it didn’t happen to my Shi-chan.”.

“Oh…”

“Who thinks like that!? What kind of bad person thinks like that? Especially towards a friend’s brother? I’m a terrible person for thinking that!” she broke down, falling to her knees, covering her eyes with her now wet sleeves.

“That explains it all, why she hasn’t been focusing during practice, she must’ve been feeling guilty for thinking like that.”

“Akito-kun was like your brother too! What kind of person thinks like that!?” she sobbed even harder.

“Onee-chan…” she had no idea how to respond to that. She was happy that she had a good relationship with her sister and that she cared for her, but she didn’t know how to make her feel better at a time like this. For the first time in a long time, she initiated a hug towards her older sister.

“You know, that doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“Of course it does!”

“It’s natural for family to think like that. Just because you think something bad doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not like you’re the reason why he’s missing. I’m sure Ena would think and say the same thing.”

“Then why do I feel so bad!?”

“That just means you do care, if you didn’t care about him or Ena, then you wouldn’t be feeling this guilty. Let it out Shizuku, it’s ok. Let out all the frustration you’ve been holding in, no one faults you for thinking like that.”

“Everyone I know is hurting and I can’t do anything about it.” Airi thought to herself, angry at herself that she can’t do much to help the people around her. “But I can’t break down and cry, if I do, then who’s going to be the strong one for everyone?”

That night, Airi spent the night at the Hinomori household, Shizuku cried until she slept. Her friends have been hurting and she felt useless for not being able to hurt more, for not being able to notice their feelings. She hated being useless, otherwise then she might’ve been able to help out Akito. She was too focused on helping Ena that she forgot to worry about him.

After Kohane’s friends parted ways, she met up with An at Weekend Garage briefly to practice for a little bit. She said to her partner that Akito would’ve wanted them to continue practicing which she hesitantly agreed to. They invited Toya, but he answered that today wasn’t a good day. They both respected his decision and sang a duet together and when they finished, An praised her like she usually does, they both sounded amazing.

Yet to Kohane, it felt off. She was happy that she was getting praise from her partner, but usually Toya and Akito would be there. Toya has been barely responding to the group chat which she can hardly blame him for, his partner was now missing for a while. If An went missing, she’d probably be acting the same way as Toya… no, she’d be acting worse than Toya. Toya did occasionally sing with them whenever he had the energy (if he had energy) but if she were in his shoes, she’d be acting like a zombie. She wasn’t nearly as strong as everyone else in the team.

What felt off to her the most was Akito’s lack of his direct, bold criticism. He’d always praise hard work, but he’d never let that blind the team from needing to improve what needed improving. An would sometimes call it nitpicking, Kohane called it dedication. She’d sing a little at home to practice and her family would praise her just like An. But that’s all she’s been getting, praise. When she practiced solo at the live houses (she’s been going there less and less lately) the audience would also shower her with nothing but praises. But without Akito, there was no one else to ground her, no one to keep her humble. She knew all this praise was bad, she had the least experience in the group and receiving nothing but praise soon felt empty. If Akito wasn’t here, then who else would make sure to tell her and the group their faults? She thought An also felt like this, but she wasn’t too sure, she wasn’t nearly as observant or as good at reading people like Akito.

When she went home, she heard the rumors again at Vivid Street.

“Hey Kohane! When’s Vivid Bad Squad gonna be singing again? Everybody’s been itching to hear the three of you sing!” a random fan walked up to her and asked. He looked familiar to her.

When she heard him say ‘the three of you’ she gave an empty, small smile.

“I’m sorry, we don’t know yet. Right now since we’re still students we’re focusing on our studies.”  

“Oh that’s right, sorry about that. Still, I can’t wait to hear the three of you sing again, maybe with Arata again!” he ran off.

That comment made her sick to stomach, as if she had acid reflux or heartburn. That guy seemed to have quickly moved on from Akito.

“Shinonome-kun doesn’t deserve this treatment.” she briefly saw Arata’s hair, it was unique to him with the brown and orange, and her heart ached seeing him. He had a large grin on his face as he had his usual large crowd of fans. Akito used to have fans usually greeting him, but ever since that incident, there have been less and less people greeting him and now with these rumors… She sped up her walking speed to avoid him, the less she saw him, the better it’d be for everyone in VBS. 

She continued rushing home, remembering the time Akito walked her home. It was getting late and An was busy helping her dad out and Toya had to go home. Kohane insisted that she’ll be fine walking on her own but he refused. He explained that he had nothing better to do at this hour other than sleep or practice more, so he stubbornly escorted her home. It was a short memory, but it was a memory that showed her that Akito wasn’t some sort of delinquent, if only other people could see her view of him.

When she went to bed, well tried going to bed, all she could do was toss and turn. Flipping the pillow to the cold, opposite end didn’t help. She wondered if An or Toya was having an easier time sleeping. She tried putting on some sleep music, but that for some reason made her even more awake. Tired of being unable to sleep, she put on some quick clothes and made her way to the Street Sekai. Outside of the Crase Café, she saw Miku, Luka, and Meiko inside.

“Len went to bed.” Luka softly said out loud. “He slept almost instantly.”

“How are his hands?” Miku worryingly asked.

“Lots of scratches and band-aids, I had to put them on for him since he won’t do it himself.”

Both Miku and Luka glanced at Meiko who hadn't said a word, she just got out of  the backroom and brought in a small wine bottle and a matching cup.

“Meiko…”

“I know, I’m just going to have a small amount.” she sat down and poured herself some wine that looked red and purple and started sipping on it.

“Meiko, you have been taking care of yourself right?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I am Luka.”

“You don’t sound very convincing while you’re having wine.”

“I know, it’s just that… I need something to take the edge off.”

The truth was, Meiko’s birthday was a week before Akito’s. She wanted to celebrate it the same day as Akito’s since preparing two parties two weeks in a row was a lot to clean up. But since that incident, that celebration never came. When she woke up, everyone (besides Len) tried to convince her that her birthday could be celebrated late, but she absolutely refused. 

“I don’t think alcohol is going to help.” Miku noticed the somber look she had, she never thought she’d have that expression. She couldn’t tell if she was grieving more than Len, it was too difficult to tell since both of their behaviors have changed.

“Um, did I come at a bad time?” Kohane entered, only hearing the last bit of the conversation.

“Kohane, what’re you doing here this late?” Miku gestured to her to come in.

“I couldn’t sleep and being home at the moment felt lonely.”

“I chose the wrong night to have some wine.” Meiko finished the last of her wine and got up.

“No, no it’s fine! I wasn’t planning on staying that long anyways, please don’t mind me Meiko-san!”

“I need to set a good example to you kids, having alcohol would break that image.”

“Please, I don’t mind, really! I sometimes see my parents have a little bit of alcohol. Besides, everyone is feeling down about Shinonome-kun… I wish I was older so I could join you.”

“Trust me, it’s not as divine as it seems. Alcohol smells, tastes weird, and makes you feel awful when you wake up.” Luka pointed out. 

“You only say that because you get drunk easily you lightweight.” Miku teased.

“Hush, Kohane doesn’t need to know that!” she blushed.

“Once you’re old enough, and if you do try some then maybe you could join me, but too much alcohol is not good. It might cause you to say some things you normally wouldn’t even though it might make you feel better.” Meiko poured herself another cup.

“Is everyone else sleeping?” 

“Yeah. Like you, the three of us couldn’t sleep.”

“Are you worried also?”

“I’d be lying if I said no.” Miku weakly smiled.

“It’s about Shinonome-kun isn’t it? Or at least something relating to him right?”

“Yeah, like you kids, we’re also affected by his… temporary absence.” 

“Len hasn’t been taking it well and he’s been working himself to the bone to find him. Rin hasn’t been able to cheer him up and he doesn’t react to my teasing.”

“Luka had to drag him here to sleep.”

“So Len-kun is also sad.”

“He’s taking it the hardest out of all of us. And Meiko here is obviously taking it the second hardest here.”

“Hush, I have a reputation to maintain, and I’m not getting myself drunk, unlike you the other night.”

“I told you that was an accident!”

Kohane smiled, this conversation was like a normal day. Then her smile faded just as quickly.

Meiko noticed this and finished her second cup.

“You know, would you believe me if Akito once called me mom?”

The three of them looked at her.

“You’re joking right? Akito, calling you mom?” Miku questioned, a smirk forming similar to An’s.

“No joke, but it was an accident. It was about two months and he was the only one here other than me. I gave him a sandwich and he accidentally said ‘Thanks mom.’ to me and then he turned redder than this wine. He was so flustered and red, you would’ve kept on teasing him if you were there, which thankfully you weren’t otherwise he might’ve never shown himself here ever again. He even begged me not to tell anyone.” she let out a large smile none of them have ever seen from her. 

“He’s going to be upset once he finds out.”

“Oh it’ll be fine, he’ll forgive his mom. I… I wish he could call me that again.” she got up and put away her drink, a slight tear on one of her left eye forming, a sight noticed by Miku and Luka.

“Akito calling you mom…”

“Why doesn’t he call us his sisters then?” Luka added in.

“Shinonome-kun already has his sister, I don’t think he needs three more sisters otherwise he might have a headache for the rest of his life.” she remembered when he argued with his sister over the phone a while back, something about shampoo. She missed that day, it was like that was the final day before everything went downhill.

“Well that means we have to tease him more once he gets back, it’s our duty as his sisters.”

“If… and this is just a big if, if for some reason Shinonome-kun doesn’t return, what’ll happen to all of this, to all of us?”

Miku couldn’t face her, she knew the answers, but she wouldn’t dare to say that out loud. She wanted to tell her the truth, but a part of her said that it would snowball into more trouble.

“You shouldn’t ask questions you’re not prepared to hear.” it was a harsh statement that she said as her voice shook, it was the first time Kohane heard Miku talk like that. Luka and Meiko didn’t say anything about that statement like they usually would, they oddly remained silent as if they were all hiding something from her.

After Airi went home, Ena and Mizuki immediately went to their Sekai, eager to learn what was important. 

“Sorry about the wait!” everyone was here.

“It’s fine.” Luka walked towards Ena and gestured for her hand. “This will help you a lot.” she placed a light, rectangular object on her hands.

“This is… this is Akito’s phone! Where’d you find it?” Kanade, Mafuyu, and Mizuki’s eyes widened.

“I was curious and was looking around the Sekai for a while, then I noticed something on the floor and the rest is history.”

“But why is it here? If this were his last location, then shouldn't any of you have noticed him being here?”

“This is an enigma to us too, but hopefully this will help you find him. The longer we take to find him, the worse his situation will get.” 

“Thank you all, I wish I could stay and chat but I have to charge this!” she glanced towards Mizuki. 

“It’s fine, just go, I’ll quietly leave.” they smiled, and like that she left the Sekai.

“I don’t understand, how could his phone be left behind if he traveled here?” Kanade questioned 

“And since his phone died, shouldn’t he just return back to where he played the song?” Mizuki added in, just as confused.

“Luka, where exactly did you find his phone?” Mafuyu finally spoke.

“Over there, it took a little while to get there but other than the phone, I noticed nothing strange.” she pointed out.

“Missing friend, shared Sekai, missing dead phone, all of this is so confusing!” Mizuki yelled out.

“I just hope the phone could help, if not then everything would be back to the way things were.”

“By the way Mizuki, you were at Ena’s house to check on her brother’s computer right? Did you find anything?”

“Oh right I almost forgot. We found nothing that could help find his whereabouts, but we did find something else very interesting.” they took a deep breath. “Do you two remember that one person that literally comments on all of our posts?”

They both nodded.

“How can we forget? They’ve been one of our longest, if not, our longest follower yet.”

“It turns out it’s Akito, he’s the one that’s been supporting us all these years, the one that’s been commenting on our videos.”

Both pairs of eyes widened again, even Mafuyu couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“R-Really?”

“Yeah, he’s been sharing our videos on social media with. Even I couldn’t believe it. Turns out our biggest fan has been in front of us this entire time… biggest coincidence ever. Man, fate is cruel, telling us these things when he’s missing.”

“If only fate could help us find him.” surprisingly, Mafuyu was the one that said that, everyone looked at her like she grew another head.

Meiko remained silent, being passive and on the sidelines, letting the kids figure out what to do.

Rin remained silent, saddened that Ena’s brother went missing; she’d be in a similar state of mind if that were to happen to Len; if he were to manifest here in this Sekai.

Miku remained silent.

As for Ena, when she made it to her room, her first order of business was to charge her brother’s phone. Luckily and thankfully they both shared the same model so she didn’t have to go digging through his room for a charger. Yet when she plugged it in, the power wouldn’t turn on. Her guess was that since it’s been dead for a while, it must take a while for it to charge or that being in the Sekai might cause some weird interference with the phone. Whether either of those were true she couldn’t tell since she closed her eyes for a second only to wake up with the annoying sunlight hitting her face.

When she woke up, she found herself getting up from her bed; Mizuki must’ve dragged her to bed before they left. Immediately she jumped out and lunged towards her brother’s phone like a cheetah chasing a gazelle, and it was fully charged. However, like his computer, it was locked behind a password. It was a four digit number password and the first thing she guessed was writing the date of when they both saw RAD WEEKEND that summer; to her it felt like it was decades ago, one of the few happy memories she shared with him before she changed. 

An error message popped up.

She thought of another combination.

11/12, his birthday. It was common for people to use their birthdate as a password. She wished the family was back to normal when their mom was around, when they were all happier and celebrated their birthdays. How old would he be now, sixteen? God, she was pathetic, she couldn’t be confident in how old her brother was. When did things go so wrong? 

Another error message popped up.

She couldn’t think of another important four digit combination until she recalled what the password to his computer was.

“If I’m his hero, then is it…? It can’t be…” 

She hesitantly typed in a zero, a four, and then a three, followed up by a zero.

04/30, it was her birthday. Would a brother really put his sister’s birthdate as his  password?

She got her answer as the phone transitioned to the homepage. 

“I don’t deserve you…” her shoulders drooped as a few drops of water hit the screen.

The first thing she checked was phone calls. She hit the phone symbol and saw the long list of calls he made.

They were all towards her. He tried calling her several times everyday for the week she was ignoring him.

Literal dozens of attempted phone calls towards her, all unanswered.

She bit her lips, causing the tip of her lip to crack.

She went to messages and the last message he sent was also sent to her, but what was written broke her heart. November 10th was when the last message was written.

“Okay. I see how it is. I’ll stop.” 

He… he must’ve gotten fed up with her and ran away or something, but the question was why his phone was in her Sekai.

The previous messages he had tried to send were in a completely different tone.

“PleaseEna, answer!”

“This is really important, i need u to answer!”

“Pick up ur phone or read ur messages, i need u more than ever now!”

“I’m the literal worst sister to have ever existed.” she berated herself, she had no clue what was so important but she can’t ask a missing person that. “What was so important? He never talks to me about important stuff.”

She scrolled up and saw more attempted messages, but all of them were once again in a different tone. From newest to oldest they were:

“Have you been feeling well?”

“I got you cheesecake, i’ll be waiting outside ur door like old times. Let’s eat it together when… if u come back.”

“I’m sorry for being awful.”

“I’m sorry for being so useless.”

“I’m sorry for being worthless.”

The more she read, the more her heart broke, the phone screen getting wetter. She’s the one that should be apologizing, she hasn’t done a single thing for him in years. Heck, his friends spent more time with him within a month than she had with him in years. He’s probably a lot more comfortable being with them and telling them things than with her and if that were true, she had no one to blame but herself. She stopped checking the messages and noticed that Thursday he made a lot more attempts at contacting her; both calls and messages.

“What happened that Thursday night?” she deduced.

Just then a small bright light blinded her, a familiar incident like when she first went to her Sekai.

When the light faded, she was still in her room; a part of her was sure she’d be in a Sekai. Yet, she was curious, her brother enjoyed music so could it be possible that he also has…? She checked his music list but there weren’t nearly as many songs saved to it due to limited phone storage capacity. She saw playlists of his group members, one for her songs, but no playlists featuring himself. She scrolled down and noticed one song’s title was messy and not organized into a playlist.

“As you *#&(*!@% water”

“What’s this?” she couldn’t figure out what word would fit in with this title, it could be a made up word or multiple words. With curiosity she pressed it only to have another flash of bright light blinding her.

Like having the lights turned on during the middle of the night, it took her a minute for her eyes to adjust. When she opened her eyes, she found herself outside in an unfamiliar place outside a café. 

“Where on Earth am I?” she entered inside.

She then saw a teal-haired girl with small twintails behind the counter.

“Miku…?”

I don’t know how or why, but I’m at the beach again with my back on the water. I can’t even feel the coldness from the water. I don’t know how I got here, I don’t recognize this place, out of all the places I went to, I recognize them like it was my own limb, but this place? I have never seen this place in my life. I never went here in my life from what I can remember. It’s quiet, it’s lonely, it feels haunting but whatever. Why am I here again? It’s sunset and all I could see was the moon. That damn moon, looking at it pisses me off. I wish I could crush it but I don’t have the energy or the strength to pretend to grab it in front of me and crush it. Instead I let the water and the waves hit me as I stare at that thing. I count twenty shining bright stars next to it. I stare and I stare, only hearing the waves move, as if the water was going to eventually swallow me up and drown me.

Then one of the stars’ light started fading away. What good is there in a stupid star that lost its light? People only care about stars that still exist and shine and record them, people don’t talk about the stars that die out. Even the brightest of stars would one day die and lose its light and only things like videos and books would prove its existence; well if there are videos and recordings.

Can’t I just hurry up and disappear? Why am I still here? It’s not like anyone misses me or is concerned about my disappearance. I’m not like ***, I don’t have anything to my name that’ll make people remember me.

Wait who? 

Who did I just say?

Who did I try to say?

…

Whatever, if I forgot then that means it wasn’t important, just like me.

I don’t even have the energy to get up right now, I’m so tired but from what? I have no idea. I don’t even have the energy to breathe properly. Reminds me of the time before I played football, I had a hard time breathing and everything would exhaust me and make my throat hurt if I strained myself.

I just want to sleep forever, that way I could stop being hurt, that way everyone would stop hurting me and leave me alone.

“Coward.” a voice mockingly echoed towards me. That mocking voice belonged to that second ugly version of me.

I heard that voice again, and it's right. I am a coward. This shitty Sekai of mine, if it is my Sekai, it’s so pointless like me. I ran away and here I ended up, all alone doing god knows what with my life. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Why does it exist? Probably to mock me like everyone else does.

“You’re right for once in your life.”

I don’t give it the satisfaction of being right because that thing’s voice is me.

I wait a while and that thing’s voice hasn’t said a word. The only company I have is the water on my back and my thoughts. 

If I rest my eyes, can they finally never open again. Every time I open them, I feel worse. There’s nothing I have to look forward to, this Sekai nobody is telling me its purpose to me, but then again, I’m too stupid to understand basic things. But staying here is better than being out there. I’d happily suffer whatever bullshit this place serves me than live a second out there where people mock me. Out there, I’m a nobody, but at least here I could a nobody all by myself. That way, only I can hear how much of a failure I am instead of having everyone else reminding me that.

…

When did things go wrong?

What did I do wrong?

What did I do to deserve this?

How the hell did it come down to this? 

This world, this whole shitty world is so unfair. I did exactly as I was told and it led me down the bottom of the barrel. What was I doing, what was the whole point of all this? What was the whole point of my life? I shouldn’t have been picked up from that locker, that would’ve saved everyone a lot of time and effort on something like me.

If… if I was better, if I wasn’t such a jackass, if I was someone better, like Tsukasa-senpai, then maybe none of this would’ve happened to me. If I just played my part of being Ena’s little obedient dog, then maybe I wouldn’t be hurting. If I played my part differently, if I wasn’t so hotheaded, then I probably wouldn’t be hurting. If I was a better brother like Tsukasa-senpai, then maybe Ena wouldn’t have wanted me dead. …She should’ve never showed me that place that summer’s night, that way I never would’ve ruined so many people’s lives.

She’s the one with talent with music, she should’ve been in my shoes and I in her’s. She should’ve been the one singing and I should’ve been the one drawing, that way everyone should be happy. If that place does exist, then I would be so much happier living that world than this pointless one. I wish I was born into that world, that way I wouldn’t be so miserable about everything in my life. But like my old dreams, my wishes can’t come true, I can’t have anything go right; I’m stuck here.

Chapter Text

Airi stood by her friend, furious at herself for being so powerless, so useless at a time like this. She couldn’t help Ena, she couldn’t help Shizuku, and especially couldn’t help Akito. She didn’t even know if she was even helping, the people around her were hurting and all she could do was stand by. 

Truth be told, deep down she had the same thought as Shizuku, she was happy that her sister or close friends didn’t go missing. Yet that thought meant she didn’t consider Akito a close friend, what a hypocrite she was. She went to him when she couldn’t help out Ena, so she put the burden on him and here she is deep down thinking that she wasn’t close to Akito. She was eager for his help, but quickly she was to (subconsciously, deep down) deny that she was close friends to him. She considered him like the little brother she never had, but did she have the right to think that if she had the same thought as Shizuku?

“I can’t help anyone so I put the burden on others…” she wanted to take out her emotions on someone, to release all this frustration out on someone, but her friends were suffering more than her, she thought she didn’t have the right to. Then there was the note she found, how could she prepare to tell her old friend about this? She didn’t react well, so there was no way Ena could handle this news well. She thought that maybe she should keep this secret a little longer or maybe to keep it with her even in her grave. But every time she faced Ena, she felt guilty.

Guilty that she wasn’t good enough to help her with her problems, happy that she doesn’t have to worry about that anymore since she had… has someone else to do that job for me. Akito was helping her and she couldn’t even do a single thing for him. She owed him a lot, but those were just words, no actions behind them to reinforce it. She always thought he was mature, but she couldn’t be mature for him. If Ena were to find out what burden she’s put on Akito, would she still be friends with her?

That thought hurt her.

“Please come back soon, we all miss and need you. I promise I’ll be a better friend towards him and start being more proactive in helping Ena.”   

She stared at the two sisters in front of her, Akito didn’t know the Hinomori sisters, yet he still had an influence on them. She wondered who else could’ve been hurting, she heard that Akito took music super seriously so that must mean there were fans and family that are also concerned.

She really hoped that the letter wasn’t true, what the letter said was told a different story about Ena and Akito’s mom from what Ena told her earlier. Did their mom really love Ena more than Akito just because he supposedly wasn’t blood related? It sounded like their mother was a believer that real families can only be blood-related. 

“I asked for your help, but I don’t think I ever said I’ll help you if you ever needed it. I’m such a selfish idiot. How can a hypocrite like me become an idol if I can’t even help someone I care about?”

She and Shiho had to drag Shizuku to her room, it was the first time they saw her act like this. When it was time for dinner, Shizuku didn’t say a single word to anyone, her eyes were still red and she silently went back to her room. Airi had a spare futon and decided to sleep in the living room, luckily the Hinomori’s household only had the two sisters living there for the moment, so there was no need to ask for permission from their parents.

Airi thought of what to do, but all she thought of were blanks. What Shizuku said was bugging her. If something similar happened to her, how would she react? If any of her family members went missing she’d be acting like Ena. But she had a darker thought.

How would she react if it were someone else that went missing that was close to her?

Shizuku is one of her best friends, she was part of the reason why she aimed to be an idol. She’s everything she wants to be; tall, pretty, mature, cute. They do a lot of things together; train, study, exercise. She became a big part of her life. If she were to go missing, she’d probably have a mental breakdown and probably quit being an idol.

Haruka. She tends to get a bit jealous of her at times, she’s the most popular member of More More Jump! and she’s always training everyday. Airi thought she took her work seriously, but Haruka was in a completely different league. Yet that jealousy of hers is what drives her to keep doing her best so she could stand by everyone else as an equal. Haruka was also the one that helped the group whenever they needed something due to her connections. If she were to go missing, who would drive the group together?

Minori. Minori is the reason why she’s in this spot to this day. She was the reason why everyone in More More Jump! formed together. Sure she was the least experienced and the most clumsy, but she’s easily without a single doubt the most tenacious of the group, something even she couldn’t even come close to. Didn’t she say she failed around 50 auditions before they formed the group together? She'd give up being an idol after the 10th failed audition if she were in Minori’s initial position. If Minori went missing, then More More Jump! wouldn’t be the same, Minori was vital to their union. Practice and streams wouldn’t be the same without her.

Ena. Her other best friend. The first one to back her up when everyone else was talking behind her back. If it weren’t for Ena’s support, if she never yelled at those other kids back then, she probably wouldn’t have met Shizuku, she’d most likely be on a completely different path. Ena was the first person to act real in front of her and be brutally honest. Minori reminded her of Ena, both of them are super serious about their hobbies and dreams. Ena’s whole drive of becoming an artist is why she continued on the idol path even though it initially didn’t go well. If she were to go missing, then… she couldn’t predict how she would react. Ena is the only person that she could completely act real in front of. Well, except for one other person.

Akito, Ena’s little brother. Or well, supposedly…

She only really interacted with him whenever Ena was around because she would usually stay at her house back when they were classmates. She didn’t think much of him despite Ena’s complaints about him. She always said her brother was bratty and annoying, but she didn’t see that. She saw Akito as the ideal little brother, honest to a fault like his sister. He’d act all friendly in front of her, but she knew that was an act, at least initially. Ena would smack him every single time he talked too casually to Airi or would give an obviously disgusted look every single time he’d act all friendly to her. She’d usually see them argue whenever she visited and she’d see the real Shinonomes, it reminded her of her own siblings. After a small while, she soon saw Akito not being fake in front of her and he’d actually genuinely act friendly in front of her, not because she was a guest or anything. Ena thought he was faking it, but Airi kept it a secret from her. When she asked him for that favor years ago, it was then she realized why she was one of the few people Akito genuinely acted kindly towards. It was because she was good friends with Ena, and like the good little brother he was, he was grateful towards her.

Yet if she were really thankful towards him and owed him a lot, then why isn’t she reacting more? Why wasn’t she breaking down and crying over someone important to her? Why was she taking his disappearance so well compared to his other friends?

“Am I subconsciously thinking I’m glad it was him that went missing instead of the others? Because I barely talk to him?” a dark thought consumed her. “Was I just using Akito? If I really did care about him, then why haven’t I done anything for him? All I did was receive from him and I didn’t give him anything.”

She couldn’t tell if that thought was true, but why would she think those things? Akito was her friend, right?

But if she really did consider him a friend, then why didn’t she hang out with him as just him? She only interacted with him when it involved Ena.

“What kind of idol am I? No idol should be having these thoughts. If I can’t even help someone I consider a friend, then who-how am I supposed to help my friends?”

She slapped herself, she needed to distract herself. She walked towards the kitchen for a glass of water. Since she hung out with Shizuku often, she had permission to treat the Hinomori household as her own, which she reluctantly accepted since Shizuku was being a little too pushy/passionate about that.

“Momoi-san?” a voice called out, turning on the lights.

“Ah, Shiho-chan. You’re up late.”

“Yeah, I was planning on going back to sleep in about ten minutes. Well, at least try to.”

“You too huh? If you want, you could talk to me, I’m good at keeping my shut.”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Shiho smiled, but it dropped immediately. “I never saw my sister act like that, never thought she could. Do you know that Shinonome boy?”

“I do. Well, at least I think I do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not so sure myself. I thought I knew him, but that might be pretentious of me to say. I know his sister though and well, she’s obviously not taking this well. It’s why Shizuku was acting like that, we’re all friends. Oh Shizuku, too honest to a fault.” 

“I heard a little about him from my friends. Do you mind telling me a little about him?”

“Hmmm.” Airi glanced towards Shiho for a brief second. “Honestly, he reminds me of you and you remind me of him.”

“Er, what? Come again?”

“He’s a lot like you now that I think about it. He’s super serious about his passions, brutally honest and straightforward, looks a little rude but he’s actually sweet and has a cute side, oh and he’s…” she stopped talking. She just realized she was only talking about the past, before she asked him to take care of Ena for her. She didn’t really interact with him at all within the past few years. She didn’t really count the time she visited him at the hospital. If she really were friends with him, then wouldn’t she have hung out together? Why did it take something as serious as a hospital visit for her to initiate a meeting with him? She didn’t do that with any other people, Akito was the only person she really talked to out of coincidence.

“And?” Shiho asked after hearing silence for a few seconds.

“It’s nothing… I think you two would get along.”

“Why does everyone think that? Are we really that alike?” it was like what, her third time hearing that?

“Yep, why do you ask about him? Are you interested?”

“Yes, but not like that though. Minori and Kohane both are affected by his current ‘situation’ and I’m curious what other people have to say about him. So far, everything I heard is similar.”

“It surprised me when I found out Minori knew him. I never took him for the idol type, but this is Minori we’re talking about, she could probably convince him into an idol in a different life. I do wish he’d come back soon, he’s a man of his word and he has yet to see us live.”

“...” Shiho couldn’t describe what Airi was feeling. Sadness? Nostalgia? “Momoi-san.”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“I’ve seen him around in Vivid Street from time to time but have you heard the rumors about him?”

“Sorry no, I haven’t been keeping up, my hands have been busy lately so I haven’t had a lot of free time.”

“Let’s just say the rumors in Vivid Street are spreading and none of them are good. People are talking about him like he’s dead. I might not know him, and I doubt I probably will, but even I wouldn’t stoop that low.”

“What kind of rumors?” Airi’s voice darkened, her spine shivered slightly as if she was talking to a completely different person.

“From what I’ve been hearing, it seems like people aren’t concerned that he’s missing, they seem to care more that he’s no longer there to sing, and from what I’ve noticed, a lot of people are happy about it. I have no idea how, when, or who started this stupid rumor, but not a day goes by without someone at least mentioning this somewhere.” she gulped, whenever she saw Airi, she had this gentle smile but now it looked like she was about to murder someone.

“I see. Thanks for telling me. I’ll stop bothering you and I’ll let you go to bed. Good night.” she walked away and headed towards the living room like she was a robot that was just commanded to.

“G-Good night.” Shiho powerwalked to her room, she wasn’t the type of person to get scared of people, but she had a hunch she didn’t take this rumor business that well. She couldn’t blame her, but she thought it was best to give her some space. She deserved to know about what’s happening with her friend, but a part of her felt like it might’ve been better if she stayed silent.

Airi walked towards her futon and laid down. All she could think about was how to prepare the contents of that letter to Ena. She thought about how she should word each sentence, how she would react. Ena was stubborn and emotional and she was similar. Ena would probably break something or lash out at her. When she asked Akito for that big favor a few years ago, she noticed a few band-aids on his arm and a few small scabs. He was an athletic guy so the chances of him getting into a fight was low. She doubted that those injuries were from an accident. The only answer she thought of was that Ena was the one that gave him those injuries. She didn’t talk to her much before this, so it was the only possibility she could think of. That and she could easily imagine Ena being emotional and taking out her anger on someone or something. Poor Akito.  She had no idea if she should tell Ena about what she just heard, but she knew one thing even though it can’t happen.

She wanted to go to Vivid Street and crush everyone’s windpipes that spread that rumor.

As for another certain individual, he just layed down on his bed staring at the white paint of the ceiling. He forgot how long he’s been in that position, he hasn’t eaten or drank anything since he got home. In fact, his appetite has been poor lately. He’s been speaking less and less, only speaking when necessary and only needing to say the bare minimum to answer. VBS has agreed to take a break from practice, practicing without Akito felt wrong and empty, practicing without him felt naked. The Vivids understood he was suffering the worst in the group, so they gave him the space he wanted.

He sat there like a broken doll, unmoving and unable to make a sound. The only thing he could literally think about was Akito. Nobody knew how serious he took music, not even him. If someone were to say that he, An, and Kohane all combined couldn’t match up to half of Akito’s passion and seriousness about music, he’d believe them. If Akito wasn’t sleeping, eating, at school, or taking a group break, he’d be practicing music in some shape or form. He knew that if he learned an instrument, he’d practice unlike his fingers bled and even then he’d still practice. He thought that he had a lot of musical experience, but Akito’s practice far outweighed it. 

“If I never met you, would I still be here?” he whispered out loud, speaking to no one but the empty air and his thoughts.

He was his partner and for someone as serious as him for him to lose his feelings about music, it crushed his entire world. He thought he knew him the best since they hang out almost everyday but it turned out he really didn’t know anything. If he really did know him, then why didn’t he notice anything sooner? Some sort of warning sign, anything. He thought he knew when he was faking his attitude, but turned out he really only knew the surface. 

How will VBS survive without him? He was the one that scheduled everything, made their music; how could they work without the one that worked the hardest out of all of them? 

Some partner he is, Akito could tell what he was feeling but he couldn’t even do the same for him. Akito was facing some sort of dilemma and he didn’t know, he couldn’t help. What happened to him for Ready Steady to revert back to Untitled? 

He couldn’t imagine. Akito barely, if ever, talks about himself. He usually just complained about someone or something, usually about Ena, An, or about carrots. The only time he could recall talking about something personal was about Ena, and that was back during the summer festival. For once he put on his good boy act in front of someone that was actually genuine, that pink-haired girl, Airi. Something about being good friends with Ena if he recalled correctly? If anything, he heard Akito complain more about Ena than himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he talked about his own problems. When he was troubled by Arata, he couldn’t imagine what it was like to receive criticism like that.

Just then he heard a knock on his door.

“Toya, do you mind if I come in?” it was his dad’s voice.

“Come in.” he weakly responded. He heard the door open gently and then close but he didn’t bother to look.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you like this.” he started the conversation.

Toya didn’t respond, he remained silent like a rock.

“Have you been eating well?” he asked. All he got as a response was his son’s head shaking weakly.

Harumichi bit the insides of his mouth, it was the first time he saw Toya act like a broken doll.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked.

Toya shook his head again.

“I asked your mother to pick up dinner, do you want to eat your portion here in your room?”

“I don’t know.”

His father bit the insides of his lip again, this time drawing blood.

…

It was times like this he wished he could be more affectionate, maybe that way his son could not be acting like this. They haven’t had any arguments or disagreements in a while, so they’ve been talking more and more. But that meant nothing if he couldn’t help his son. There was only one thing he thought of that could help his son.

“Hey Toya, could you help me with something?”

“Does it have to be me?”

“You’re the only one. If you don’t feel like it, then it’s fine. I’ll give you the space you want.”

“It’s fine, I’ll help.” he finally got off his bed but his shoulders were drooping. If it were a year ago, his father would nag at him saying it’s poor posture. “What is it that you need help with?”

“Just follow me, it won’t take too long.”

“Ok.” he weakly responded, like a corpse. He followed his dad downstairs, eyes staring down, not knowing where they were walking.

Soon he realized where they were once they entered a room. The room’s light just turned on, it was small, but in the center was a very familiar object. It was primarily black and he hadn't properly touched it in years but there wasn’t a speck of dust nor did it smell weird; it was well maintained.

“The piano…” his eyes widened and he finally properly raised his head, he stared at his dad but he couldn’t figure out what he was feeling or thinking.

Ever since he was a child, Toya was disciplined into playing instruments. Many hours went into the piano, many hours of practice. Many memories he didn’t want to remember, even though he respected the experience he had, it was still unpleasant to be near this specific piano in this very room. His heart started to beat like he was running away from a dragon.

“Dad, I said I don’t want to play the piano.” he weakly stared at the old man, his expression still remaining the same. Was this the help he needed; to play the piano? 

“Yeah, and?” he proceeded to open the cover for the keys, exposing the white and black.

“Dad, I don’t wanna-” he took a step back, looking away from the piano.

“What are you talking about?” Harumichi proceeded to sit down on the chair, centering himself and stretching his arms and back.

“What?” why was his dad sitting on the piano, didn’t he bring him here to play the piano?

“This won’t take long, I’ll start in 10 seconds and you’ll know what to do.” he counted to 10 and started to play. Toya was confused, what was his dad talking about? What did he need help with? Why was he sitting down about to play? He hasn’t done anything like this in years.

At first the keys his dad played didn’t ring a bell for him, but that changed once he hit the high octave keys in rapid succession.

“Wait, this is… Rad Dogs?!” he recognized that piano part anywhere. At first it was a little unrecognizable since he wasn’t used to hearing the pure piano parts, but his dad was definitely playing Rad Dogs. His dad took a rapid glance towards him and started putting more energy into hitting the keys; loud and powerful were some words to describe Rad Dogs. The louder his piano playing got, the more recognizable which part of the song he was at. 

And soon, like it was his primary instinct, Toya started to sing. He didn’t know why he started, it wasn’t practice time but his brain told his mouth to sing, and sing he did. It wasn’t his best performance, but he sang the lyrics perfectly even though it was the first time he heard a pure piano version.

It was unusual to hear one of his favorite songs being played purely on the piano, but it still resonated with him, he’d recognize this tune anywhere. And soon, the end came just as quickly as it unexpectedly arrived.

He blinked rapidly, trying to understand what just happened, how was this helping his dad?

“I’d give your performance just now a 74%.” he spoke with his usual unrecognizable tone of voice.

“Sorry.” he instinctively said, it was something he often said whenever he messed up in the past. 

“But considering the fact you didn’t warm-up, stretched, and practiced for a while, you did well. You’ve been practicing a lot before all this, haven’t you?” he saw his dad give out a very small, but gentle smile. “I’m proud.”

His dad was… proud? 

“Dad, why’d you drag me here to sing? And how do you know how to play Rad Dogs? Don’t tell me you’ve been seeing my performances?”

His dad closed his eyes and breathed slowly.

“I still think this street music of yours isn’t right for you, I don’t agree with it nor do I like it.” Toya bit his lips, he wasn’t in the mood for his dad to belittle his-

“But that doesn’t mean I can’t accept it.”

…

“What did you say?” was he dreaming?

“I may not like what you’re doing, but this was your decision and I doubt I could change your mind at all. But you’re happy with this street music and you’ve been taking it seriously, so I have no choice but to accept that fact.”

From the way he’s talking, it sounded like he’s been seeing his performances. He thought his dad only saw him perform that one time, a while back when he showed his resolve to his dad. Since then they’ve been on better terms.

“Dad, have you been seeing our performances? Is that why you’ve been playing Rad Dogs?”

Once again, his dad closed his eyes this time he crossed his arms.

“Toya, I’m going to be brutally honest with you. I can’t lie to you at all.”

He tilted his head in confusion, why was he avoiding his question? What was he going to say?

“Your recent performance with that brown-haired boy, Tono I believe? Your group sounded a lot better with him. He should be your partner instead of your current one, that Shinonome boy.”

Toya unconsciously made a fist, he couldn’t feel his nails digging into his palms, he was too focused on what he just heard.

“As a musician, he’s far more suited to be your partner, even the crowd agreed with it.” so his dad was there when he had to be backup for Arata. Was his dad telling him to move on from Akito? To forget about him and replace him already as if he was a substitute or a broken plate?

“DAD!” for the first time in his life, he raised his voice against him. For the first time in his life he wanted to hurt his dad. “THERE’S NO WAY-” his dad was still calm and didn’t flinch from being yelled at. He was ready to be hit and he was ready to fight back.

“However, without that Shinonome boy by your side, it felt lonely.”

“...What?”

“Even though objectively speaking your group sounded better with that Tono kid, having him on stage with you instead of Shinonome felt wrong. It was like listening to Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture without cannons or Beethoven’s Für Elise without that iconic opening repeating two notes, it felt empty. If the stories you’ve told me about your partner are even a tenth true, then I’m sure he’d rather you practice and welcome him. Isn’t he the one that led you to where you are right now? I’m not going to say to stop mourning about his disappearance, I’m not going to say to replace him or anything like that, but I am going to say when he returns, I’m sure he’s the type of person that’d be happy that you’ve been practicing while he’s been on his hiatus. That boy practices and sings on stage without you right? Then I think you should follow in his footsteps, slowly at your comfortable pace. He’s the leader of your group isn’t he? So I’m sure he’d probably schedule overtime to make up for lost time if you and your group stopped practicing while he’s on his hiatus.”

Toya stared at his dad, when was his dad this talkative? This was the first time his dad said anything positive about street music. Then his dad really has been seeing his performances, it sounded like he’s been seeing many his performances without his knowing. From the way he spoke of Akito, it sounded like he saw and heard about Akito around Vivid Street. How long has his dad been secretly watching over them?

“Even though you and your group sounded better with him, it didn’t sound happy. There’s no point in continuing this music of yours if none of you are happy. So once he returns, greet him with a smile and better than before.” he finally got off the chair and started walking away.

“Dad!” he quickly interrupted, his dad turned around before opening the door. “Dad, how many of our performances have you seen?”

“I’ve asked your mother to pick up some cookies for dessert after dinner. If I don’t see you at the dinner table, then I’ll put it in front of your door.” with that, he left the room leaving Toya by himself, not wanting to answer his question.

Even though he didn’t answer, Toya saw his dad’s ears turn red for a brief moment before he left. His father was always terrible at showing affection. He probably didn’t want to admit that he was slowly accepting street music. If his stubborn dad was slowly accepting it, then he had to practice, for him and VBS. 

“Akito would punch me if he found out I was slacking even though he’s currently not here.” a gentle smile formed, similar to his dad's. “Thanks dad.” he sat down on the piano chair and slowly started to play Cinema on it.

He hasn’t shown Akito or anyone else his skills on the piano, so this was a good time to surprise them. Even though he hasn’t properly touched the piano in a while, he still recognized how to play songs by ear. It wasn’t perfect for now, but it was a start. Even though his dad may have hurt him in the past with music, that pain is what allowed him to stand here. It was a necessary evil in his life that led to this moment. Without that, he never would’ve smiled as much.

“Miku…?” she blinked and rubbed her eyes. This girl in front of her was Hatsune Miku right? She has a similar face to the ones on posters, but she looked different, like her Miku.

“Welcome, you’re here early-” she stopped and noticed Ena. Her tone of voice was a lot happier compared to the Miku she talked to. Her outfit was also a lot more expressive. “Who are you and why do you have Akito’s phone!?” her tone changed immediately as she glanced down towards Ena’s hand. She took out a knife and pointed it towards her.

“Eh? Wait, hold on a minute!” she shouted out. “I have a good reason for this!”

“You have five seconds to answer.” she threatened, her eyes looked like a mother bear witnessing someone attacking her children.

“Wait just five seconds?!” she just entered this place and she’s already asking herself more questions.

“Four, three-”

“I’m Akito’s sister!” she put her hands up as if she was a suspect, being interrogated by someone first thing in the morning in a mysterious place was not what she was expecting.

“Wait, you’re his sister? You don’t look like siblings.” she put down the knife, looking at her hair and eyes.

“Yeah I know, I get that all the time, but we are. First things first, you are Hatsune Miku right?”

“Yes, I’m Hatsune Miku. It’s nice to meet you…”

“Oh, I’m Shinonome Ena. Um, Miku, where is this place?”

“Answer my question first, why do you have Akito’s phone? Where and how did you get it?” her voice calmed, but it was still firm and demanding.

“Er, my question might answer your question. This place, what is this place Miku? Is this… is this a Sekai?”

Hearing that, she widened her eyes and they quickly returned to their usual position.

“Does that mean you have a Sekai too?”

“Yeah...” she nodded, glancing at the interior of the café.

“Sit down, it seems we have a lot of important stuff to talk about.” she gestured as her voice softened, but felt strained.

“Miku, this Sekai, is it Akito’s?”

“Yeah, but it’s usually a lot more vibrant and energetic. It’s been… more mellow  since he’s not here.”

“So… so he has a Sekai too? All this time I thought my group was the only one with a Sekai, now you’re telling me there are more? There are others with a Sekai?”

“Yes. It’s a secret everyone keeps, or well, at least tries to keep to themselves. Now answer me, where did you find his phone?”

“It was in my Sekai. It was just found last night.”

“Just last night? Then that means it’s been there for a while, but wait, that means he was able to go to your Sekai…!” her eyes widened, realizing what that meant. “That means his feelings have been wandering around, changing for a while without anyone else noticing! Dammit, we should’ve noticed, I should’ve noticed something sooner before that night! He has access to your Sekai, it’s not like this is it?”

“No, it’s completely different and unexpected. I never would’ve thought that he would also have a Sekai.” she saw Miku biting the nail of her thumb.

“So his initial change of feelings wasn’t strong enough for us to be affected, but strong enough that it could allow him to enter your Sekai freely. I didn’t think someone’s feelings could allow them to go to two Sekais. Do you know how long he’s been there? If so, when?”

“I think around early November was when he first went to my Sekai by accident…” she thought about the timing of everything.

That day when she snapped at him, she was told earlier that morning he first visited her Sekai by accident. The fact that he had a Sekai that he also kept a secret was something he couldn’t speak to her about. A problem he couldn’t talk… to her about… But surely that couldn’t have been the only reason that he felt so frustrated, right? No… there must’ve been other factors that caused him to snap, but what? There were too many possibilities and factors, and not like he’d tell her, she’d just snap at him again…

“Miku, Sekai are created by feelings, right?”

“Yeah, we’re also influenced by them.”

“That explains a lot.” she thought about the difference between the two Mikus. ”If for example, someone’s feelings changed drastically, what would happen to the Sekai?”

“If that were to happen, all of us would be affected and the Sekai would physically change. That Thursday night, we all felt Akito’s feelings change drastically, all of us felt it and we all passed out for a while. This café you see here was a mess the next morning when some of us woke up. The atmosphere here isn’t as vibrant as it usually is. It feels a lot emptier now.” empty, that word connected to her. It was a word and feeling she was too familiar with.

An empty Sekai.

An empty canvas.

An empty house.

An empty room.

“Wait, you said Thursday? Was it the Thursday two days before his birthday?”

“Yeah, it’s not a moment any of us will ever forget.”

“Miku, something happened that night! Could you explain more to me about the pain you felt? Akito tried to message me that night and the last message he tried to reach out to me was cryptic!” Miku stared at her, noticing how she said he tried to message her.

“It’s not a pleasant feeling. Some of us were more affected than others, Len, Meiko, and I were the last ones to wake up since we were most influenced by him, Luka, Rin, and Kaito weren’t as affected so they woke up earlier. That week before he disappeared, he entered here without using his phone. He acted like everything was alright but he wasn’t fooling me, but I didn’t act upon it until he was ready to talk. But, I felt his feelings change for the worse and it was horrifying. It felt like he didn’t want to be around us, almost like he was abandoning us. You know the song to enter a Sekai?”

“Yeah, what about it?” she was curious how different Rin was here and how Len and Kaito would look like.

“For him, the song to enter here changed. To be honest, it’s a miracle that you could enter his Sekai with his changed song. Everyone else in the group has had their song changed back to Untitled, but his? I can’t feel a proper connection to it now, I don’t even know what song it is, but I do know it’s different from everyone else’s. The fact that you’re here with his phone answers a few questions I’ve had, like why none of us could connect to his phone or why I couldn’t sense his feelings anywhere on Earth. Right now, my intuition is telling me your Sekai has a bigger connection to him than here right now. And if that were to continue on…” she gulped hard as if she was hiding from a monster.

“What would happen?”

“It’s nothing for you to be concerned about.” she dodges the question, straining to keep herself from frowning. “After all, it’s our secret to deal with and our problem to fix. I don’t know what song it is he played to enter your Sekai, but whatever it is, it’s key to finding him. He has to be somewhere in your Sekai, or at least it was the last place he went. He might no longer have a connection to your Sekai if he goes missing any longer, if or once that happens, our chances of finding him will be literally gone! I don’t know how much time we have left but I do know he’s alive for now!”

“I know, I’ll find him even if it’s the last thing I’ll do!” so her brother lost connection to his Sekai and her Sekai was key. Time was ticking but she had no clue how much time he had left; it could be a week, a month, a year. “This is so much to take in, my little brother having a Sekai. At least it’s a lot more comforting than mine. So that’s why he kept on asking Miku about my condition, he was probably feeling guilty that his Sekai was a lot nicer than mine…” that's probably why he didn’t feel comfortable talking to her that day before everything went downhill because every time he saw her, all he saw was his sister secretly suffering while he gets to enjoy a nice, vibrant Sekai.

“The Miku of your Sekai, she doesn’t have a clue about his whereabouts either right?”

“No, no one there does. The only clue we have so far is his phone which I’m still looking through.” Ena realized something, if there were other Sekai, then how many people she talked to have one? There was Airi and Shizuku. There was also his friends, that An girl and Toya. They hung out with him a lot, it was likely they were a part of this Sekai, but Miku didn’t name anyone besides Akito. She was probably keeping the identities of the others a secret.

“Can you tell me more about Akito? More about what he’s like whenever he’s here. He’s the one that asked about me whenever he visited my Sekai. I… I want to know what he was like before all of this happened. It doesn’t have to be detailed, just enough so I could understand him better.”

Miku stared at her, bags under her eyes, her hair was a mess, and her clothes wrinkled.

“Well, he would always order something sweet and get coffee with cream and sugar. Out of everyone, he was the most serious about music and would come here very often to practice whenever he could. There were some nights where he slept here much to Meiko’s reluctance. If you ask me, Meiko and Len give Akito special treatment, they spoil him.”

She didn’t even know that there were some days that her brother wasn’t even home. 

“Spoiling Akito huh…” she thought about how Akito treated her. He’d complain and complain about her, but at the end of the day he’d comply with her wishes. She was always relying on him for the most menial of tasks, from waking up to getting basic household items. She tried thinking of the last time she helped him, but she couldn’t. All she did was ask and receive from him, but she had never asked and given to him. She thought about a small conversation she had with Shizuku a little while back, she’d always tried to make her little sister happy. Yet in her case, it was the younger sibling that was taking care of the older one even though normally it would be the other way around. 

“It sounded like he was happy.”

“He was.”

“Why would he be happy around me when all I do is order him around?” 

“My Miku acts completely different from you, so it feels a little weird. No offense!”

“None taken, each of us are formed differently. There’s probably an energetic Miku or maybe a Miku that’s new to singing. Infinite different combinations of feelings and memories, so that means infinite possible Sekai and Mikus. Still, I’m curious what your Miku and the others look like.”

“For the most part a lot less energetic. At least this Sekai seems healthy enough to have everyone here.”

“You make it sound like everyone hasn’t been in your Sekai.”

“Because Len and Kaito aren’t in my Sekai yet.”

“I see…” she glanced at Ena, she was glancing at her own phone.

Just then, a small, cracking orb of light floated right beside them. It barely made a sound and the light it produced was dim, like a lightbulb on its last dying minutes.

“A Fragmented Memory! And it’s Akito’s!”

“A what?”

“Fragments of one’s memories and feelings. Basically think of it like a smaller version of a Sekai, it’s one reason why you see a bright light on your phone or screen. However, I have never seen one so broken like this. For it to be broken means…”

“What happens if we touch it? Would we be transported somewhere else like the songs that allow us to travel to Sekai?”

“Yes, but I’m not sure about this one. I’ve never seen one like this, this is bad.”

“Well I don’t care! If it means I can understand and help Akito, I’m taking this chance!” she quickly placed her hand not worrying about the warning Miku just said.

“Wait!” she lunged towards the counter to grab a hold of Ena, but like a magnet, she was pulled in.

“Ouch, I thought landing on your butt wasn’t supposed to hurt!” she started rubbing and looked around where she was. “Miku?” she cried out, but there was no reply, not even an echo like the movies she saw in the past.

All she saw was a dark room and like some sort of theatre or movie, the lights slowly turned on. She saw Akito at the dinner table, a sight she desperately wanted to see again.

“AKITO!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, reaching towards him as if he was going to be separated from her again.

He continued to eat as if nothing was there.

“This is our house? Why did that thing bring me here?” she then saw the lights flicker on to a different spot. She then saw herself, then her dad.

“But if that doesn’t bother you, then go right ahead.”

“Ugh…!”

“H-Hey!”

“Wait, this is from back then!” when she entered that contest and when her dad warned her that she’ll be competing against pros.

“Dad! Did you really have to say it like that!?” he slammed the palms of his hands on the table, almost threatening to break the old piece of wood.

“I… I probably should’ve worded it better. But I entered many contests like this in the past. When competing in a contest like this, your best is not good enough. I just want her to avoid the pain and misery we faced in the past.”

“We?”

“It’s-It’s nothing. I’ll apologize to her once she comes back home. Sorry for ruining the mood.”

“Wait, what? Is this what happened when I stormed off to my room?” her dad really did apologize to her, but she just ignored him and when the letter for the results came in, he gently handed it to her which she took and stormed off to her room.

She blinked and like some sort of old-school black and white film, everything went fast. She couldn’t understand what was going on and next thing she knew, she was outside her room, with Akito just being kicked out.

“Just leave me alone! Stop saying useless shit like ‘it’s important’ and ‘you’re gonna regret it’... I don’t wanna hear ANY of that crap!” her screams were loud, she only just realized how loud she gets. So this is what Akito deals with, her screaming could easily be heard through the door.

“Ena…” he slumped to his knees like he'd just been shot by someone. 

And for the first time in a very long time, she saw him do something she never saw him do.

He let out a few tears.

“Dammit! If only I could help! If I wasn’t so useless, so worthless, then Ena wouldn’t be feeling like this! Why the fuck am I the one with the talent to draw instead of her!? It should’ve been her, not me! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” he silently screamed at himself as he punched the floor loud hard enough that she could’ve sworn that he broke something. “I promised Momoi-san, I can’t help her like this.”

Once again, like a VHS tape on fast forward, she found herself near the dinner table again.

“I feel nauseous.” she took deep breaths, avoiding the urge to hurl. She wondered about the last part he just said, why did he mention Airi?

“You said something to Ena about the contest, didn’t you?”

“...Yes.”

“I know you’ve been like this since she was in junior high, but why did you have to be so harsh on her? Yeah sure, she might not be as good as you want her to be, but that’s not a good enough reason for you to-”

“It’s lonely being an artist.”

“Lonely?”

“Especially when you’re forced to keep drawing even when no one gives your work a second glance. No matter how far you are in your career. It goes without saying that it’s not easy to make a living off of being an artist. With half-hearted effort and little to no talent, you could never compete with the ‘real’ ones out there. But if she wants to be an artist despite that, then she’s going to struggle for the rest of her life. This is not just about art either. I don’t think Ena’s able to overcome the suffering she’s bound to face because it’s just too damn cruel. We suffered a lot in the art world, so as an artist it’s my duty to make that clear for her. I’m not telling her to not draw, she’s free to do what she wants, but Ena’s very emotional, like-”

“We?” she wondered.

“Like?” he wondered.

“Never mind. I just want her to realize the cruel and painful realities of the art world. I just want her to avoid the same kind of misery we faced. Many artists became famous after their passing, I don’t want her to be recognized like that, I want her to be recognized for when she’s still living. If she were to…”

“Dad, I get what you’re saying, I really honestly do. No matter what industry you’re in, those with no talent would have to put in hundreds of times more effort than those with talent do. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I at least know some of that pain. But Ena just doesn’t need reality!”

“Huh?”

“I know the art world is cruel, and Ena and I will appreciate it even more in the future for your advice. The art world is unforgiving, it tortures and breaks us to the point of blood and tears. But you’re her hero dad! Instead of just giving her advice as an adult, as an artist, why not give her advice as a father also? She wants to be just like you! You're the reason why she started art, she looks up to you! She thinks the world of you because you’re amazing! It’s why she hates herself for not being nearly as good as you! It’s why she works herself to the bone so she could be recognized by you! I know you were looking out for her, but you still hurt her, so please! Why not help her with her dreams?”

“Akito…” his eyes widened like he'd just been slapped in the face. “You’re maturing faster than I thought. Some dad I’ve been, it’s like you don’t need me.” he gave a rare smile and got up slowly and put his empty dishes away and walked towards his room.

“N-No way! This-This is what he said? This is what he said to dad?” she was ready for that uneasy transition to occur.

But nothing happened.

Instead, the room turned black with only a single dying light on Akito.

“Did I break something? What’s going on?”

“If only I could be someone’s hero, if only if someone could look up to me…”

She never heard her brother talk like that, she never thought he could look so broken and defeated. He looked like an abandoned puppy, accepting the fact that he’s broken and lonely.

“A-Akito.” she trembled, she never thought Akito would ever say any one of those words. He did mention that he talked to dad, but never in a million years would she have ever guessed he would’ve said it like that.

Then all of a sudden, like a photo, everything stopped and Akito burst into flames.

“What!? AKITO!” she reached for him but the world soon turned dark and it felt like she was falling but at the same time floating. It reminded her of those optical illusion art pieces.

Soon after, she fell on the ground and she was by the stairs.

“What? What’s with this Fragmented Memory?”

She looked up and she saw her little brother. But he looked like he fought in a war. The light in his eyes was completely gone and they were muddied with gray. He dragged his feet like he was being forced to walk against his will. 

But for some reason even though she was on the bottom of the stairs of her home, upstairs there was an open roof. She didn’t have time to question what was going on, so she ran up the stairs.

She ran up.

Up and up.

Up.

And.

Up.

Up.

No matter how far she ran, the stairs never ended, the more she ran up, the more stairs she saw, like the world was being stretched.

“AKITO! NO NO NO NO!” even though she was beyond tired, she pushed herself to keep on running up. This world meant something, it was telling her something and she saw Akito climb over the railing.

“NO NO NO NO!” she cried out like she never cried before. Miku said this was a Fragmented Memory, but a broken one. That means what’s happening is what her little brother was feeling, so for it to show her a scene of him on top of a roof meant…!

And so, he was at the edge.

And he fell.

And she burst in front of him, like she was launched. She was about to grab him.

“ENA WAIT!” a familiar voice screamed out, grabbing her arm, preventing her from catching her little brother.

“AKITO! NO!” she struggled as she tried to break free, furious that someone would stop her.

“THAT’S NOT AKITO ENA! THAT’S JUST AN ILLUSION! LOOK AROUND YOU!”

She did what she was told and she was the one about to fall off the roof.

“What just? What the hell was that!? Miku, what’s going on with this!?”

“Ena, this is new to me too. I have never seen a Fragmented Memory this broken and weak. We have to leave, it’s about to disappear for good.” she took a deep breath, and like traveling to Sekai, they were both at the Crase Café. It was like she witnessed a giant nightmare.

“What the hell did that mean?”

“I really wish I knew, I of all people should know, but Akito’s feelings are changed to the point even I can’t tell. Usually I’m able to witness everything, but in there? I felt like I was swimming through a tsunami.”

“My brother, are you sure he’s alive?”

“Yeah, he’s alive but I don’t know how much longer. I don’t know what you saw before I arrived, but what I saw in the end is not a good sign.”

“Doesn’t that mean he wants to die or something?” she felt her tears running down her cheeks. This was easily the most painful thing she felt in her entire life. She would rather happily hear what her dad said to her in junior high than to think about what she just saw.

“I cannot lie to you about something this serious. There’s a good chance he does feel that way.” she bit her dry lips, drawing blood. “But there’s also a chance it was fake. Wherever he is, that Fragmented Memory gives us an idea. Once you’re ready, I’ll hear you out.

“I want to tell everyone here.”

“What?”

“I want to, no, need to tell everyone here what I just witnessed. Miku, once you think the time is right, tell everyone else that I visited here.”

“Are you sure? That might cause some trouble for you.”

“I don’t care, Akito has been supporting me all this time making sure to help me. If I kept this a secret now, then I’d be cutting off one of two sources that relate to him. Unlike him, I don’t have a right to be in his Sekai while he had every right to be at mine. I stumbled across here by accident. His friends here deserve to know the truth. I didn’t respect his feelings enough which led to this mess. I need to tell them all what I said to him, what I’ve done to him, how I’ve hurt him. The more people that are close to him know what led to this, the better chances we have at finding him. His friends could hate me for it, which I deserve, but right now I can’t let my pride and foolishness block off any pieces that could lead me to him. I’m so sick and tired of myself, I need to tell everyone what I saw in that Fragmented Memory.”

“You really are like Rin, stubborn.” Miku whispered, she poured a cup of coffee and handed it to her. “Here, you look awful.”

“Thank you.” she took a sip of it. “It tastes good, sweet but not disgustingly sweet.”

“It’s the same way Akito enjoys it.”

“Definitely reminds me of him. Now that I think about it, he’s usually the one that makes me coffee at home.” 

It got silent real quick. The only sound inside was Miku cleaning up behind the counter and Ena drinking coffee.

“I don’t deserve Akito.” Ena suddenly spoke out loud.

“Don’t say that.” Miku hastily said with a firm voice.

“It’s true Miku, don’t try to deny it. I’m sure Akito complains about me here right?”

“Yeah, but he never got angry, just annoyed!”

“If only I could be more like him then. I get angry at him, I get annoyed at him, I lash out at him. All this time, all of this, it’s just so much to take in…!” she broke down again, as her tears started to drop down on her coffee, flavoring it. “I really know nothing about him yet he knows me like a book! I’m supposed to be the older sibling yet he’s the one that takes care of me! I’m spoiled! What kind of sister am I?! I haven’t done a single thing to help him yet he takes care of me even after all the shit I say to him!”

“Ena, that just means he cares about you. That’s what family is; just because you’re angry at each other doesn’t mean they stop loving you. Take me for example, I tease Len a lot and sometimes I take it too far, but I know we still love each other!”

“Some family I’ve been then, I said things to him that he probably took it badly, that memory of his, it’s proof. I wish I knew why he took it so badly this time, that Thursday night, if only I knew!”

Miku didn’t know what to say, she knew Ena wasn’t in the right state of mind to talk, but it was her job to help people’s feelings, but this time it was someone that wasn’t a resident of her Sekai.

“Miku, you’re probably thinking that you should help me or something along those lines, right?”

“I…! Yeah, guilty of that thought.”

“Thanks for the concern, I appreciate it, I really do but I’ll manage. I won’t do anything stupid that’ll get in my way of finding my brother. I have my own Sekai and you have your own to watch over.”

“So she’s the one that heavily influenced Akito. That explains their similar personality.”

“If you say so. Next time you go to your Sekai, tell everyone about us, about this situation.”

“Is that fine? It feels like each Sekai has to be kept a secret.”

“There’s no rule per se and that’s normally true for the kids, but right now it’s an emergency. Besides, your Miku already knows of the existence of this place. Tell them when you’re ready and I’ll tell everyone here. I’ll call you through Akito’s phone so we could schedule a time where you could meet everyone here.”

“Alright. Hey Miku?”

“Yes?”

“Do you honestly believe things could go back to where they were? Before I caused this entire mess?”

“I don’t know why exactly you think you caused this mess yet, but to be honest… I don’t know. Akito’s feelings have always been the most… complex out of everyone here. Take that how you will, but whether or not things turn to normal, that ultimately ends up on him once you find him. Which is why you and everyone else have to find him quickly and help him.”

“I feel like I’m missing something though. Akito has been strong, he finds some way to find the problem when something goes wrong. I doubt what I said to him alone is strong enough to hurt him that badly to go to my Sekai. There has to be another factor, something big. If I could just find out what caused his feelings to go down, then I’m sure I could find him. But for now I just have to play detective and ask around once I’m emotionally prepared. God look at me, I’m such a wreck, I haven’t been this awful since mom abandoned us years ago.” she finished her cup after ranting, chugging it down like it was beer.

“You should rest, whatever you witnessed in that Fragmented Memory took a lot out of you. Go back home and please rest. You can’t help him when you can’t even help yourself right now. There are others that could help while you rest.” she pointed at her eyes, they looked even worse than before.

“Normally I’d argue, but you’re right. It’s not just me that’s worried about him. How much do I owe you for this therapy and coffee session?”

“Free of charge.”

“Another place I could rant to AND free coffee? Feels like a dream. I’ll talk to you soon then. I feel like shit. Bye and thank you for everything.”

“Bye, be well.” she smiled gently. With that, she saw the girl disappear back to her world.

…

“Meiko, how long have you been listening?” 

She turned around and saw the motherly figure walk out of the backroom.

“Long enough. Miku, you don’t plan on telling them that if they fail that they’ll-”

“THEY DON’T NEED TO KNOW! THEY’RE ALREADY GOING THROUGH A LOT! WE’RE ALREADY GOING THROUGH A LOT! I KNOW IT’S BETTER TO BE TRUTHFUL, BUT WHAT IF IT MAKES THINGS WORSE!? WHAT IF THEIR FEELINGS CHANGE IF I TELL THEM THE TRUTH!? WORST CASE, IT’LL ONLY AFFECT US SO IT’S FINE!”

Miku quickly realized what she just did.

“Meiko, I’m-”

“Don’t be, you do have a point. We’re all on edge. I just hope things really can turn back to normal.”

“I’m not sure what’ll happen, but do you think Len and Rin will take this well?”

“Rin maybe, but Len? If I’m affected, then he’s even more affected. I don’t think-He won’t take this well.”

Chapter Text

“I see, so that’s what happened. No wonder… no wonder *** did that.”

…

At the Shinonome household, Ena just got back from the Sekai and passed out on her bed, what she witnessed was something that changed her entire view of the world. Her brother had a Sekai. She has a Sekai. Who else had a Sekai? Her entire world changed, what she witnessed inside the Fragmented Memory explained a lot of things but at the same time gave more questions. Her entire view of him changed, as if the whole world turned upside-down.

Her brother, her precious, little brother was always there for her. Always been there to help her even though she never asked. She recalled what he said; he said that he promised Airi? What did he promise her? She had to ask her old friend. What else has he been doing?

She thought about the time she helped him during the summer when he was performing with his friend, when his dance shoes went missing. But did that really count as helping? She didn’t actively do anything, she was just there at the right place at the right time. That was the only time she could recall doing anything for him, if you can even call it that. He was listening to all of the music and art she’s done, but she only listened to a single performance of his. He’s been supporting him but she couldn’t say the same to him.

He talked to her dad in a way she never would’ve guessed in a trillion years. Her dad has really been helping her out more with her art. What he said about her was right, she does look up to Shinonome Shinei greatly. Her wish came true, her hero, her dad was helping her out. Her junior high self wouldn’t have believed that, but it was the truth.

And at the end of that memory she saw, her brother jumped off the roof. 

How long has he been thinking that? When did he start thinking that?

How much pain and misery has he been keeping from her?

She was so useless that he couldn’t feel comfortable enough to tell her, but then again why would he? She said something she wishes she could take back. If she really were an only child, then she wouldn’t have made it this far. On top of that she blocked him when he was desperate, finally wanting to open up or talk. One week, that entire week she hurt him worse than what her dad said to her back in junior high. 

His hero, his only sister, essentially wanted him dead for that week. The older siblings are supposed to take care of the younger sibling, but instead it’s the other way around for her since she can’t even do something simple as waking up in the morning.

“I’m the worst sister, no, the worst person to have ever existed.” 

There was a saying; “Never meet your heroes because they’re sure to disappoint you.” and whoever said that was right.

She disappointed him immensely. Imagine that, your hero yelling at you and then intentionally ignoring you.

Not even her dad did anything remotely close to that, he really was looking for her but just said it in a shitty way. She was worse than her dad, she might as well have shot her brother since he’s gone now. No hero should hurt their fans like she has.

She took out her phone and checked her art. It has been steadily getting more and more followers, the attention she always wanted. Attention she cared more about than Akito.

Once he returns, she’d expect him to ignore her which she deserved. Things wouldn’t ever be the same between them ever again. No amount of apologies could heal the mental scars she said to him. She was a massive hypocrite; she was willing to wait and was patient with Mizuki, but when it came down to her brother, she couldn’t even wait until he was out of the hospital…

“What would mom do if she were here, she’d help fix things. She always knew what to do, I wish you were here.”

She entered the passcode to her brother’s phone.

0430, her own birthday.

She forgot his birthday like the jerk she was. Her dad probably didn’t forget about it even though he’s often out due to his work.

Now that she thought about it, Shizuku’s birthday was coming up soon on the 6th of December and she already planned a gift for her in advance. In fact, she asked Airi when it was so that she could give her a gift. Why the hell did she remember a recent friend’s birthday instead of her own family? She thought about it once more and she remembered everyone else’s birth dates instead of her parents and brother.

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

What about her own mom? Did she forget his birthday? What about her’s?

When was the last time she properly gave him a gift? Her gifts to him were usually stuff like cake, heck they weren’t even at least homemade. She went to the nearest bakery because she couldn’t bother walking outside for too long.  

She scrolled through her brother’s history list, hoping to find more clues. But she scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. There was nothing worth looking at, according to the dates he barely went on the internet throughout that week. Either he deleted his history or he genuinely didn’t use his phone. Either way, it still meant he took her final words to him extremely hard.

She looked at his other messages and they were also simple. Too simple. 

Looking at the time the messages he received, he was the one that was reactive instead of proactive. The message to his friends were all short and simple like “ok, ill be there.” or “see u there.” 

The other messages she saw were all different than these recent ones. His older messages were a lot more expressive despite the short length. Many of them were him asking regular questions. It was like he was a completely different person responding.

She turned it off and shut her eyes and let out more tears. Her grip on his phone softened as it fell down by her side.

“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” she slapped herself until her cheeks became numb.

It was obvious that he didn’t forgive her-no, rather himself for snapping at him. He was always the one that was receiving all the screaming and scratches from her and he always forgave her. Like that time when she was in junior high, she took out all of her frustration on him even though he was just concerned. She lunged at him, scratched him everywhere, even bit him. She even had the audacity to tell him to leave the house, which he did. She felt guilty about it and did apologize, but he just shrugged it off with his usual annoyed tone of voice he gave her. Then after a week or two, things would turn back to normal like it usually would.

He’d usually forgive her.

Now she couldn’t forgive herself.

She let the back of her palm rest on her eyes, hating herself wouldn’t bring him back. A part of her wouldn’t even know if he would even come back to her. Maybe he’ll sleep in the living room away from her room, maybe he’ll run away, maybe he’d transfer schools, maybe he’d ask to live with someone else, but she wouldn’t know. She was essentially a stranger to him.

“Why is it that every time Akito really needs help and gets hospitalized, I’m never there for him? Why is it that I’m always with a friend whenever something like this happens? First back in elementary and now this, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I so useless to him…”

She checked the time and it was still early, this would be around the time Akito would wake her up. She reached out for the damaged photo of the two of them from years ago. She couldn’t remember what the bet was, only that she won and that she made him dye his hair so she could take a photo of the two of them. This might’ve been the only photo she took of the two of them together and she forgot that she even took this until this incident. He’d complain that dyeing his hair wouldn’t be good for him, yet now he has that dyed yellow part of his hair. She thought it didn't match but he didn’t care and ignored her. She sent him a copy of the photo, but he said that he didn’t want it since he was forced to and that it was too embarrassing to have a photo together with his sister. He even deleted it from his phone in front of her.

Yet here it is.

But she couldn’t find that photo anywhere on her phone. Maybe she deleted it by accident, maybe she deleted it because she got angry at him one day, or that it got lost within the literal thousands of other photos she took.

She glanced at Akito’s face, it was hard to properly see it due to the damage, but his smile did look genuine. At least that’s what she thinks. 

When was the last time he genuinely smiled like that in front of and with her?

She couldn’t remember, all she could think of were blanks.

At this point, he was more of a stranger and might as well have been. 

She turned to her side and took another glance at it, with her heavy eyes drooping. Waiting for him to appear again felt worse than when she first entered her empty Sekai. If time felt slow there, then right now time felt like it was broken right now. Now that she thought about it, Akito would often wait for her to come back home with cheesecake whenever he did something wrong, just like the message he (tried to) send to her recently. Outside her room he’d wait when he was younger and sometimes he’d be asleep with cake next to him. She never did anything like that for him, whenever she did apologize she’d just leave a message for him or just put whatever sweets in the fridge. 

Maybe in her dreams she could see him today but no matter how much she dreamed, he wasn’t really there.

Elsewhere, Ken just opened up shop. 

Weekend Garage.

He opened it up because he wanted people to have a place to stay and relax after a hard day and to help people out with their music or lend them his ear if needed. At first he was an amateur, just like his singing, he sucked at making simple coffee. He’d put too much water or coffee, making it taste weird. Yet the customers didn’t care, they just laughed and proceeded to give him their personal advice. Even his wife and daughter thought his initial coffee making skills were… sub-par. Despite that, he kept on improving since he intended to make Weekend Garage a second home to people and that couldn’t happen if he sucked at the basics of a café.

One reason why he named it Weekend Garage was because he’d hear stories in the United States on how some popular bands started when they played loudly in their garages during their young and amateur days. Young, inexperienced, and amateur, but still continued playing despite those setbacks. 

Just like him in his young days.

As long as no one broke anything important or expensive or disturbed anyone, anybody could come here and practice their music. He’d have several people, usually friends, come in and ask if they could borrow the place for a minute if they couldn’t find another place. Yet in the early days no one came in here for what he thought some people would do.

Until Akito and An came into the scene after that night.

If no one else would support their dreams, then he would. If he didn’t, then who else will? Retired or not, he was still a part of RAD WEEKEND.

Even though he’s not supposed to give special treatment or bias, his favorite group Vivid Bad Squad hasn’t properly been there.

Toya would just visit by himself for a few minutes and then politely leave.

Kohane would ask about An if she didn’t hear from her and like Toya, would politely leave after getting an answer.

An. Well, she was there to help him with his work from time to time but he knew she was faking her smiles in front of the customers. 

The regulars would treat An as if she were their own daughters and would ask how she was doing often. But if someone were to ask her about the future of VBS, she’d dodge the question and turn it into something else. She hasn’t asked him if she could borrow the stage in a while even though it was usually just Kohane and her. Akito probably got jealous of her that they could use the stage more than he and Toya could, but he can never say no to his own daughter.

Akito…

He’d get phone calls from the police and some occasional messages from his sister, but he’d give or receive the same answers; like no new leads. It was as if he vanished into thin air or was transported to the other side of the planet.

He’d even received a call one while at work. Usually he’d leave it in silence since night time usually got busy and loud but he had to pick up since this was a time of emergency.

That night, it was the first time the people inside Weekend Garage heard him yell and be furious for once. His voice was loud enough that it could even be heard from outside the café. Ken was always the calm and level-headed one and for him to act like that, terrified everyone inside. At worst they’d see him a bit annoyed or irritated, but they’d never seen him like this ever. The bar got quiet instantly when they heard a voice that cut through everyone’s loud conversation. They knew Ken had a powerful voice, but never like this; not even during that special night. He even went to the backroom so that he wouldn’t disturb anyone (he trusted the regulars to look out for the bar for a minute) but his voice was still strong enough that it didn’t matter. His voice made army drill instructors sound like they were on mute. It was the first time they heard him shout profane words at someone with malicious intent. 

What Ken heard that night was that the police had to give up on searching for Akito (for now) since they had no new leads or info.

Truth be told, he loved Akito like he was his own son. He’d argue with An like they were siblings, even saying that she reminded him of his (annoying) older sister. He was similar to Taiga, blunt and straightforward with his words.

The world was unfair, good things can happen to bad people and bad things can happen to good people. Akito was no saint, but he knew he secretly wore his heart on his sleeves even though he would never admit or say anything like that. He wondered what would’ve happened if An never befriended him back in junior high. Everybody kept on praising him about RAD WEEKEND, but hearing the same old praise from time to time got old and stale, and soon all of that praise felt empty. Until both his daughter and Akito proudly and loudly stated that they’ll surpass that night.

Someone that actually didn’t think it was an impossible dream or some sort of delusion other than his precious daughter, and it was someone that was actually trying to do it. It was one reason why he quickly took a liking to the boy.

In truth, Akito reminded him of…

…

That night when An broke down, it was the first time he couldn’t give proper advice to her as a father nor as a person. The only thing he could do was to offer his shoulder for her to lean and cry on. He didn’t have too much experience with these kinds of things, people react differently towards different things. What he wanted to say, what he thought, maybe it was best that he didn’t say it out loud. But maybe he should’ve said something instead of just letting her cry. Either way what’s done is done, he couldn’t change what he did or rather what he didn’t do, depending on the perspective.

He hasn’t seen her daughter cry like that in a long while and it felt like someone was slowly stabbing him in the heart with the world’s largest needle. She literally cried herself until she passed out from exhaustion, the first time he saw her like this. This shitty, unfair world, why did it make her daughter cry like this? She didn’t do anything wrong; unlike some other kids in the world, she was respectful towards everyone (unless they didn’t deserve it) and didn’t get into trouble. The only wrong thing she did was not getting great grades, but great grades aren’t everything to him, as long as she was happy with what she was doing.

Maybe he should’ve done something, he did notice Akito took his second loss against Arata hard. Even his words couldn’t help him when he was practicing after his initial loss against him with Toya. He wouldn’t say anything about his second loss against the older kid, all he would say to everyone was that he was being stupid during his solo practices. An said that he was being all grumpy and down by himself in an empty alley.

He couldn’t say he completely understood Akito, but he at least knew what it was like to be upset at an empty alley, it was something he was familiar with. 

Then there were those stupid rumors he’d hear. He would never believe those lies for a second. He trusted Akito, he had the potential and resolve to come up with something better than what he and his group did years ago. Luckily for him, his customers were on the mature side and didn’t mention this (at least not within his café) near him.

How long was it since Akito last visited his café? Around a month by now; it felt lonelier than usual. He would literally always visit him at least twice a week even if he was busy. He was his most regular customer. Having someone that was like a son to him to be missing felt like another stab to the heart.

Tuesday, December 6th.

Also known as Shizuku’s birthday to some. It was a time to celebrate. Or at least it would’ve been a happy time to celebrate under normal circumstances.

“Is it really fine? Shouldn’t we be helping find Akito-kun?”

“Shizuku, for the literal 10th time, yes. It’s just one day, your day! We can’t be mopey all the time, even Ena said that she wanted to celebrate. Please, I know you still feel guilty about what you thought but that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable.”

“I… ok. If you say so.” Shizuku forced a smile that didn’t match her usual, pretty face. 

“It’s just one day, even idols need a break. Let’s just have a good day, we can’t all be mopey.”

They were outside the classroom and class was just about to start.

Everyone else there has been eager for this day, they considered themselves to be the luckiest high schoolers in the world to have one of the prettiest idols in their classroom. Their friends were jealous that their classroom had both Airi and Shizuku. Now that one of their idols were here, they could give them gifts without making a long trip or waiting hours online to buy a ticket or deal with strangers in line.

When the lunch bell rang, the two idols headed upstairs to the roof before they were crowded. No one took offense to this, they wanted the birthday idol to enjoy lunch first before bothering her. 

As expected, the other two members of their group were there, Minori and Haruka. They all planned to do a birthday stream during lunch and after school to help promote them. It was also a good time to interact with fans. They did what they usually do, except it was focused on Shizuku; people would comment, she’d answer back. The first lunch stream didn’t take long, they only streamed for about twenty minutes before returning to the classroom. Airi had a hunch that people wanted to say happy birthday to her.

And lo and behold, the hallway was literally crowded. Airi, having the most authoritative voice of the group, commanded everyone to get in an orderly line so that they could get things done. She also said it was a fire hazard to be blocking the hallway like this, so that was an added insurance for those that didn’t hear.

One by one, everyone said what they wanted to say to Shizuku. Some gave her sweets, some gave her some stationery items, some gave her small clothing pieces like scarves or gloves.

“I wish I could get a line this big one day!” Minori said out loud with envy, her eyes sparkling as she watched Shizuku sparkle like the stars.

“You will Minori, you will. I know you will, with us.”

Luckily, everybody in line was civil and quickly did their business. Shizuku thanked everyone and they finished right on time when class was about to start. 

“Ah right, Shizuku before I forget, Ena’s present is ready tomorrow after school. Just in time for the three of us to go shopping.”

For the two of them, the day went by rather quickly. When Shizuku got home, she got Airi to help her drop off all the gifts at her room before parting ways. All of the presents she received piled up onto the shape of a mountain. She got messages from everybody she loved: Her adorable little sister Shiho, Mizuki, Ena, the girls from Leo Need, her parents.

She was blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love her, by fans that support her even after her small hiatus.

Yet she still felt like it wasn’t fine for her to be celebrating at a time like this despite Airi’s words and probably Ena’s. She barely knew Akito, she only met him once during that summer festival. Before that, all she would hear is Airi or Ena talking about him. Ena would usually complain about him and Airi would have the opposite opinion. Airi would always say how Akito is so mature for his age or try to correct Ena’s complaints about him. Only other thing besides that is that both Airi and Ena would say he acts similarly to Shiho towards the older siblings.

They only had one conversation during the one time they met. Other than introductions, after Akito finished his show with his partner, he thanked her for being friends with his sister while Ena wasn’t listening. After that, he’d just said that he wishes his sister was more self-reliant since he had to wake her up that morning.

If Shiho were to be in Akito’s position right now, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. She loved her little sister and she’d never forgive herself if something were to happen to her, it’s one reason why she dotes on her. 

She closed her eyes and to her shock, she had a decent night of sleep. She’d thought she’d be having more guilty thoughts about having selfish thoughts to her friend’s brother. Speaking of sleep, she wondered how Ena would wake up today. The three of them agreed to meet up after school and Airi said that Ena woke up late and Akito usually had to wake her up since she just puts her phone alarm on silent; there were times she woke up when school ended for them. Since he wasn’t here at the current moment, she wondered how Ena was taking care of herself. She wanted to ask that, but she didn’t want to sound rude or invasive. 

The morning of December 7th up until the afternoon was normal, except that practice would be later tonight at the Stage Sekai instead of the usual roof. She felt both happy and guilty when she met up with Ena. She knew what she thought was fine and that everyone else wouldn’t fault her for thinking that, but she couldn’t help but still feel bad. When she saw Ena, she noticed she had more makeup on than usual near her eyes. Whenever she had dark spots under her eyes when she couldn’t sleep, she’d do the same.

“Hey! Sorry that I couldn’t finish my present sooner.” 

“Come on, you know she’s not petty like that.” Airi responded, wearing the new coat she bought the other week with Ena.

“Yeah I know, but it still feels weird giving a late birthday present.” Airi noticed the small strain on her friend’s voice.

“Enough of that, the three of us haven’t hung out in a while. Let’s just have some fun.” Shizuku responded with that bright smile of her’s, it blinded Ena, her extroverted smile was like the sun compared to her introverted self. She couldn’t believe that she was friends with two extroverted idols, she was the odd one out of the three.

First they headed towards the shopping mall to check out the new holiday stuff. Maybe they have spring or summer clothes on clearance or a cute cup. Shizuku went and chose a large furry coat and proceeded to try it on. Airi got jealous that she was short compared to her friend, finding good clothes for her size was annoying. When Shizuku went to the dressing room, Airi asked Ena a question in a tone of voice she never said before.

“Hey Ena…” she whispered out loud so no one else but them could hear. 

“What’s up?” she wondered.

“Are you free this Saturday?”

“Yeah, but I have plans during the afternoon. What’s up?”

“I have something very important to talk to you about. Do you mind if I tell you about it at your place?”

“Can’t you tell me now or tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to ruin the weekday for you. I just-” Airi heard Shizuku open the door wearing a sweater and the coat she chose out, it matched her perfectly.

“Wow, you look great…” Ena wondered if she could be as pretty as Shizuku.

“It looks perf-wait. Shizuku, how come the collar looks off?” Airi walked towards her friend and got a closer look. “Shizuku! You wore it backwards!”

“Wait I did? No wonder, I thought the tag being on the front was odd. Let me fix it.” she closed the door once again.

“Does this happen often?” Ena wondered, she heard that she was a little airheaded, but she didn’t think she was this airheaded.

“You have no idea. Sometimes I wonder if Shizuku is faking this. Just the other week, she almost broke our phones.”

“How?”

“Somehow, I have no idea how, she kicked a small pebble in a way that it hit all of our hands. Luckily our phones didn’t break and we weren’t streaming yet.”

“Ah right, you did mention that she’s bad with technology. You’re just exaggerating. Right?”

“We literally banned her from starting the stream. She somehow takes photos by accident, just the other day she said she was having problems with her phone storage and it turns out she had downloaded a large video onto her phone.”

“H-How?”

“I just roll with it at this point, nothing surprises me anymore when it involves tech and her.”

“Anyways, what is it that you need to tell me that you have to make me wait until Saturday?”

“Just be prepared, it’s not easy for me either.” her voice deepened and was soft as if she was being scolded by her mother. “We’ll continue this on Saturday, let’s just have a good time today.” she walked towards the door. “Hey Shizuku! What’s taking so long?”

This just confused Ena, she never seen Airi act like this. What was so important that it had to wait until Saturday? She was never this vague to her.

That smile she saw her friends put on, it was forced.

Saturday, December 10th.

After a lot of planning, Ena and Street Miku decided to tell everyone the truth about what she did. It was a day she didn’t want to face, she was terrified of who it was that shared her little brother’s feelings. Even though she doesn’t want to, she has to. She hasn’t been to that Sekai in a while, maybe she felt guilty, maybe she didn’t feel worthy, or maybe she was just running away. Whatever the reason, in a few hours she had to be brave and say it.

But first she had to wait for Airi, she said she had something important to say and that it may take a few hours of her time. What was so important that it could take a few hours of her time?

She still had a bit of time, about an hour left until Airi said she would arrive. She laid back down on her bed to rest her eyes for a few minutes. She got a phone call from her dad and unfortunately, there were no traces of Akito using his card at all. She couldn’t say that she found Akito’s phone, otherwise that would cause more questions than answers from him, so she chose to stay silent for now. Fortunately he said he’d be home by Monday, for the first time in a long time she wanted her dad. 

She took out Akito’s phone again and browsed through his song list. There were too many different types of genres he listened to. She couldn’t tell which ones were his favorite other than the ones she worked on. She went to his computer and like his phone, his computer history didn’t give any clues. She recalled what her friends said a few weeks ago, that her solo covers were one of the most listened to songs he played. All that was left was Infinitely Gray, that was one of the last songs she played. When she listened to her other covers, she hated the sound of her voice. 

The voice that kept on hurting him, it sounded sweet towards everyone else but towards him it was like snake venom. A slow venom that painfully and steadily poisoned her brother’s thoughts. What she did to him that awful week was the final nail on his coffin. She thought again, and she thought that week must’ve been so lonely for him. She ignored him, their dad was away because of work, and their mom. Well their mom was doing something, somewhere in the world. 

Even the cheesecake she bought for him had to be thrown away since he was still missing, somewhere. She had faith that he’d come back soon to eat it, but that was just expectations. Yet he had faith that she’d return quickly enough to eat the cheesecake he bought for her before it turned bad.

Every time, every single time he would know what she would be thinking.

Like when she did the dishes, it usually meant she wanted something or got something from either him or their dad.

Or when she visited him after school, he’d immediately predict what she was going to say or want; like wanting him to pick up ice cream for her.

The same couldn’t be said for her. 

She spent more time taking selfies on her phone than trying to get to know him more or spend a regular good time with him. She had no right to be angry at her dad anymore. She thought about that Fragmented Memory about what her family members said to each other during that night she broke down.

She always thought he was just being mean to her. Then recently she was thinking about it from a different perspective, instead of her own. Doing your best isn’t just enough for art, since there are hundreds of thousands of people online doing art. He did have a point, even though it was cruel. If he never did say those words to her back in junior high, she might’ve quit from the pressure. Instead she continued drawing just to prove him wrong, out of spite. The painful truth of this world. Her dad was giving her advice as an adult and an artist, then Akito had to make a point that he also needed to help out as her dad. She always thought her dad wanted her to quit but if that were true, why didn’t he just say it out loud or be more proactive about it?

“Especially when you’re forced to keep drawing even when no one gives your work a second glance. No matter how far you are in your career. It goes without saying that it’s not easy to make a living off of being an artist. With half-hearted effort and little to no talent, you could never compete with the ‘real’ ones out there. But if she wants to be an artist despite that, then she’s going to struggle for the rest of her life. This is not just about art either. I don’t think Ena’s able to overcome the suffering she’s bound to face because it’s just too damn cruel. We suffered a lot in the art world, so as an artist it’s my duty to make that clear for her. I’m not telling her to not draw, she’s free to do what she wants, but Ena’s very emotional, like-”

Those words he said to Akito, even though it was painful to hear, he wasn’t completely incorrect. Art is subjective, what she thinks is good someone else might think is shit. What a “pro” could draw could be considered a masterpiece, but there will always be some that think that it’s meh. If two talented artists saw an art piece, what would happen if they had opposing views? If one thought it was shit and the other thought it was good, then who would a non-artist agree with? She couldn’t tell, she didn’t even know her own family that well so she couldn’t judge.

There were even some drawings she saw online that she scrolled past. How many hours did that person work on it only for her to scroll past and skip it like it was the end credits of a movie? She was essentially no different from the people that critiqued her art, since it’s subjective. She heard stories of some famous artists suffering like Picasso or that van Gogh person, she briefly heard that they had problems with their health or something. Even though she thought their art pieces were good but not fantastic, she knew she was an amateur artist compared to them even though she didn’t think too highly of them compared to the average person.

She was in a lot of pain from the words her dad said back then but those artists, they didn’t have current technology. Back then, times were different. Art wasn’t as greatly appreciated as it is now. Art supplies were expensive nowadays, but back then they must’ve been even more expensive, especially for the common, everyday person. 

She wondered how much pain those famous artists endured.

She knew some people weren’t recognized for their art or other achievements until after their deaths.

“How much did you suffer dad? Who else were you talking about when you said we?” 

Ever since she was young, she wanted to be just like her dad which is why she broke down when he said those words. But he never talked about himself or what he was like as a kid. He’d dodge the question or give some vague answer when she asked him what he was like when she was in elementary school. 

Her dad said “We suffered a lot in the art world,” but who else was he talking about? Why didn’t he just say it was painful for him to draw instead of saying those words back in junior high? Was he too ashamed or was it because he didn’t want her image of him to be ruined?

He has been giving advice on her art whenever he was home or glanced at it recently, but why didn’t she appreciate it? She always wanted her dad’s attention and approval but now that she has it, why didn’t she care about it?

“Shit. Dad, is there something that you’re not telling me?”

She thought back when she pressed play on Infinitely Gray and the next thing she knew, she was in her Sekai and landed on her butt again, except gently that time as if she was a feather slowly falling down.

“Hi Ena.” Rin and Miku greeted her with their usual monotone voice.

“Rin? I’m here, but I didn’t play Composing the Future, I played…” she glanced down at her brother’s phone. “I played Infinitely Gray… Miku, is this the song Akito played to enter here?” the answer was obvious, but she had to hear the answer out loud from her.

“Yes. Your song is what connects Akito here. I’m not sure why, his situation is a little more peculiar than everyone else’s.”

Why? Why was it this song out of everything that connects to her brother somehow?

When she sang this, this was when she was frustrated at her dad, the world, at herself for not having her work not being recognized or appreciated.

Did… did that mean Akito had similar feelings then?

What could it be then, she thought his singing was good even though she only listened to it once.

“Hehe, what the hell is wrong with me?” 

“Ena?” Rin got concerned.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything stupid, I’ve done that enough times to Akito.” she went to a wall and leaned on it. “Hey Miku, did Akito say anything else about me?”

“Only what I’ve told you.”

“He did say something out loud during his last visit here.” Rin chimed in. “He said ‘I guess she doesn’t need me anymore. No, more like she never needed me in the first place.’ while smiling to himself and then left. I don’t think he noticed that I was there, unintentionally hearing what he said.” 

“I don’t blame him for thinking that. I probably would’ve said something similar if I were in his shoes. Sorry to leave so soon but I have something to do in a few minutes.” and that was to cry.

“It’s fine, please don’t worry about it. But Ena?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know what it is, but the connection with his phone is getting unusual. I don’t know what that means or how much time we have left. Please, be careful and take care of yourself.”

…

“I know, thanks.” she stopped playing her song and she went back to her room.

That was a little while ago. Her brother was more closely related to her than she could’ve ever realized. She had questions but no answers about her little brother.

 “Dad is right, I am emotional. Probably too emotional.” she took out her phone and took a selfie. “Heh, I look like crap.” then she heard the doorbell ring. Ah right, Airi did say she had something she needed to say to her.

She went downstairs and opened it.

“H-Hey Ena…”

“Hey…” another voice greeted her.

Two voices, she wasn’t expecting two visitors.

“Mizuki, you’re here also?” she gestured to them both to come in.

“Yeah, sorry for not telling you sooner.”

“Ena…” Airi’s voice shook like she was outside in a blizzard. “I…”

“Well what is it?” she sat down on the sofa.

“Ena, please don’t get angry.” Mizuki spoke out clearly.

“What? What is it?”

“Ena, what was your family like before all this?”

“Uh, what? You two know this already, just my dad, Akito, and I.”

“No, even before that. When your mom was here.”

“Ok, I’m confused. I thought you had something important to tell me.”

“It is important, that’s why I’m asking you.”

“Ok… Well just your normal family with the four of us. Mom was doting on me when Akito caused trouble for me, she’s one of the reasons why I drew. You know, typical mom stuff.”

“Anything else you remember?”

“Not really, it’s been a long time so of course I don’t remember.”

Airi took the loudest and deepest breath ever. She reached for her purse and took out a piece of paper that was crumpled.

“Ena, I found this in your dad’s room on the floor.” she gently and slowly pushed it towards Ena.

Shinonome Ena took a look at the piece of paper, curious what the fuss was about. Her friends never asked about her mom.

Airi and Mizuki bit their lips, if they felt like shit then they were going to feel even worse. They both knew Ena for a while and they both expected her to scream at them, not that they could blame her when she would. They looked at their friend’s eyes, she was a slow reader compared to them and they knew from her current calm reaction, she has yet to read the part that broke their hearts. From what they heard about her mom, it matched up with the tone of the letter. Her mom hated her little brother.

And the reaction they were expecting came. Her eyes dilated like a robot in those action movies where they receive a command to kill. 

“H-Hey, this is an awful joke. April 1st isn’t for another several months.” she was lying to herself. “Good job changing your handwriting though, fooled me!”

“Ena, please.”

“Come on, don’t you think this is a bit too cruel for a joke? Especially right now?” she forced the world’s most obvious fake smile.

“Ena…”

“Man, if you wanted me to forget about something then this was a cruel, but great prank! Fooled me well, haha!”

“...” 

“...”

“...”

The silence was so great you could’ve sworn that you could hear their heartbeat. Neither of them knew what to say to their friend, this was a situation that none of them would have guessed in a trillion years. They were expecting her to scream.

“When did you find this?” she asked.

“That day when we were finding out the password to Akito’s computer. When I was taking out the trash, I saw your dad’s room door open. At first I thought I could find something there but I noticed his studio door was wide open. When I entered, I stepped on it by accident.”

“So how come you didn’t tell me sooner?” her tone of voice didn’t change which made it even scarier. They expected her to snap at any second now.

“I… I wanted to prepare myself on how to tell you the news. But I guess I was also afraid to tell you.”

“I see.” her voice was too calm, which scared the two of them. Ena would never be this calm at times like this. 

“I’ll leave Ena, I should’ve told you sooner.” Airi got up and was about to leave until Ena grabbed her hand.

“Thanks Airi.”

“Huh? What?”

“You were probably thinking of the best time or best way to bring this to me weren’t you, since I’m so emotional. It must’ve been eating away at you for a long time. Sorry, if I could just control my anger then none of this would be hurting as much.”

“Ena, come on. Stop forcing yourself to be calm, this isn't like you. Be angry at me! Hit me, scratch me, yell at me or something!”

“If I did that then I wouldn’t be a decent friend would I? If I got angry at something like this again, then I definitely deserved everything bad that has happened to me.”

“Ena,” Mizuki interrupted. “you’re not lying to yourself right? Please don’t force yourself, if you have anyone to be angry at, be angry at me! All I’ve done was wait in the sidelines waiting! I’m the most guilty one here!”

“You two are just proving my point.”

“What?” they both couldn’t understand why she was so calm.

“I’m nothing but a hypocrite. I get angry at Akito for the most mundane of things but when it comes down to the two of you, I control my temper better. I know you two were expecting me to kick you out or start scratching your face out, not that I blame you. I’ve always been like this. It took my little brother to be missing to understand how others see me. It’s why you two took your time to tell me. Thanks for that, I’m not strong enough to do anything like that. If you told me that day, I probably would’ve done something I regretted. I’m not angry, really.” her voice cracked at the end, fighting back the painful feeling inside her chest and throat. She sat back down on the sofa. “I’m just disappointed in myself.”

“You know,” Ena spoke out loud again. “this actually explains a lot. Why dad never talks about her, why there’s no photos of her anywhere. Now that I think about it, it all makes sense now. I don’t recall mom ever doting on Akito like she did to me.”

“...” her friends had no idea what to say, what CAN they say in a situation like this?

“I started liking pancakes because mom made them for me whenever I was sad.”

They both opened their mouths, but they couldn’t find the courage or let out the right words (if there were any) out.

“This… this must’ve been what happened that Thursday night. He must’ve found this, so he tried contacting me. Then I ignored him. He… he must’ve cracked. That’s the only explanation I could think of. Dad always properly closes doors and I haven’t been in his room in many years. It makes perfect sense, Akito must’ve found this and ran away or something. I hurt his feelings when he needed me the most. I might as well have killed him myself.”

“E-Ena…!”

“I’m not going to do anything stupid to myself, I promise. I have to find him first, but could you two leave me alone for a little while? I have a lot to… think about.”

“I-”

“Please, this is a lot to take in. I really won’t do anything stupid to myself, really. I’m stupid but even I’m not that stupid. Unless you wanna see me look like a mess, then feel free to stay. You could even take a photo and blackmail me in the future!”

How were they supposed to react to that?

“Look at me, letting you two help me when I didn’t even help him.” her voice felt dry and a silent tear rolled down her cheeks.

At 2pm Ena had a meeting at Akito’s Sekai to tell everyone there what happened yet she still had an hour left to kill.

What she didn’t expect to also tell them was what she probably was the reason why he went missing. It felt like she got shot in the heart, but she didn’t cry out loud. She was sitting on her little brother’s bed with the lights off. Airi and Mizuki were in her room giving her the space she probably needed, they both barely said a word.

What the hell is she supposed to say to him if… when she finds him again? The broken photo, the letter, his last text messages, his recent visit to her Sekai; the assumption she thought of made too much sense. 

Truth be told, she doesn’t know how to support him at times like this. All she knew was to bring him some sweets which is probably one of the worst ways to help someone. He was always the one that supported her all this time. And her mom also, she was always the one that cheered her up when she was really young.

But her mom wasn’t here, she hasn’t been here in many years. She always thought that she left because she had an argument with her dad. Turned out she was kinda correct. Her dad wanted Akito to be part of the family while it sounded like her mom wanted Akito to be gone. It did make sense, appearance-wise they had nothing in common. Why did her dad not tell her this? Whatever the reason was, she couldn’t judge him.

She laid her head on his pillow, similar to how when Akito had a nightmare he’d crawl into her bed when they were really young.

The simpler times, she missed them.

The happier times, she wanted them back.

Her brother, she needed him.

The final words she said to him ‘ Sometimes I wish you weren’t my brother! Times like these are when I wish I was an only child! That way I don’t have to waste my time on a piece of shit like you! I could spend my time doing something more important instead of being with you! ’ hit differently now.

She got her wish.

“I deserve to die.” she mumbled out loud like a zombie. “I’m the only person I know to treat their siblings like this. Shizuku doesn’t treat her little sister like that, she doted on her. Mizuki respected their older sister. Airi never said anything that terrible to her sisters, she even fought other kids for them. What the hell’s wrong with me? I’m the worst sister to have ever existed.”

At this point she wasn’t sure if there was anything else in the world that could surprise her. 

She checked her phone again and it was still a little early before it was time to go to Akito's Sekai. What was it that people usually said to her, especially her brother?

Ah right. It was that she was usually late or the last one to arrive.

She woke up late, went to school late, and was usually the last one to arrive at a meeting. She also took her sweet time when she needed to drag Akito somewhere.

Something that annoyed Akito.

“Might as well go now.” she messaged Mizuki not to open the door since she said she was going to take a nap.

She played that mystery song on his phone and she was transported to the Sekai. The air felt a little colder and the atmosphere felt a little more uncomfortable compared to the last time she arrived. She dragged her feet to the door and opened it. To her slight surprise, she saw everyone that was supposed to be there.

Miku, Meiko, Rin, Kaito, Luka.

And there were the other three other human members of this Sekai.

An, Kohane, and Toya.

As she thought, they were his partners which was no surprise. They’re almost always seen together.

“Ena-san? She’s the one that’s meeting us? How is she here?” An questioned immediately.

“H-Hi everyone.” Ena’s voice was barely heard by everyone.

“Sit down.” Meiko gestured, for some reason she reminded Ena of her own mother. Well at least the little bit of the good part she remembered of her.

“H-Hello…” both Kohane and Toya greeted back.

“Did Miku tell you?” she received a cup of coffee from Luka.

“She said something about a guest meeting us. I was expecting someone like Gumi or IA if we were following this pattern.” the rest of the Virtual Singers looked away from An as if she said something she wasn’t supposed to.

“Sorry to disappoint you, I’m not as special as them. Where’s Len? I thought he was manifested here?” she looked around looking for the blonde boy.

“He’s occupied.” Luka answered. “It’s just going to be us.”

“I see. But to answer your question, I’m here because I found Akito’s phone in my Sekai.”

That got the remaining members of VBS to slam the table, their faces in front of Ena.

“What!? Sekai!? Your Sekai!?” they all were on the same page.

“Everyone, calm down! You’re stressing her out! Let her finish!”

“Sorry.” they all sat back down.

“I’m pretty sure our circumstances are similar, so I’m going to skip all that boring nonsense talk about the basics of Sekai. His phone was in my Sekai and it was found not too long ago. The reason why I’m here is because I think I know the reason why he went missing.”

That got everyone in the room to look at her as if she was growing horns out of her head.

“I think it’s because of me. No, I’m sure it’s because of me that he’s missing. I don’t think he ran away in our world.”

“What do you mean? Explain.” Toya’s voice got scary quickly which Kohane and An noticed and slightly backed away. Just a minute ago he had his usual “inexpressive” face but now, his face scowled like an aggressive wolf.

“From what I’ve been finding out recently, I’m sure I’m the reason why his feelings have been changing. I…” she was trying to find what words to say. So this is how Akito felt whenever he was being scolded by her, how Airi felt when she told her the news a few hours ago. “I hurt Akito.”

“Explain.” Meiko and Rin said out loud calmly but their words were colder than ice.

“When Akito was at the hospital I snapped at him, worse than usual. And I said some harsh words I really didn’t mean.” she turned her face to her thighs, ashamed to look anyone in the eye.

“I see.” Toya “calmly” said, he crossed his arms and Kohane noticed that he was squeezing his biceps. Hard. If he wasn’t wearing his usual long sleeved clothes, his nails would’ve probably drawn blood.

“That kinda explains why he’s been acting quiet that week. But you two argue all the time, surely you’re just exaggerating? He always complains about you but never once was he acting like that before.”

“No, I was ignoring him throughout that week. I literally blocked his number because I was angry at him a lot more than usual.”

“There was that time when you scratched him a few years ago, you two didn’t talk much so what makes this time different?” Toya insinuated.

“Ah, he told you huh? Well no duh, I hurt him pretty badly… Did… did he ever talk about our dad?”

“Stop avoiding the question.” he instantly breathed out without a delay.

“I’m not, this is actually important.”

“No he didn’t.” Kohane spoke this time. “I only heard him mention his dad once and it was unintentional, he barely said anything.”

“Then what about our mom?” Meiko took another glance at her while cleaning some cups.

Kohane shook her head. “I never heard him talk about her. At least not when I was here.”

“I only know that he talked about you.”

“None here.”

“I’ve got nothing.”

Everybody else gave the same answer.

“Ah, so he really never talks about mom and dad.” she whispered to herself.

“Get on with it, what was it that you did that you think caused this?” Toya hastily demanded.

“Aoyagi-kun! You’re being rude!”

“This is not some sort of European confessional where she could say whatever guilty thing she wants so she could feel better. She said she knows so she has spit it out already.” it was the first time anyone there saw Toya act like this. “He’s been missing for a long time now and she has his phone! Every second we waste is a second that could be spent on finding him!”

“He’s right.” Ena agreed. “I got angry and the last thing I said to him was that I wish I was an only child, that we weren’t related. Then he probably found something even I just recently found out.”

Toya resisted the urge to smash a cup on her face. His relationship with his siblings weren’t amazing but never once did any of them say anything like that. Toya knew his partner didn’t talk about his family for an unknown reason, a reason he respected. Even at the lowest point, none of his family members said that they wanted the other to basically disappear from their lives.

“A-Ah…” both An and Kohane didn’t know what to say. Neither of them had any siblings so they had no idea what that felt like.

 “Be honest with me, when you first saw me did you think Akito and I were related?”

“No.” Toya immediately answered.

The Vivids shook their heads.

“If what I heard is true, then it turns out Akito was adopted into my family.”

“...What?” everyone said out loud. Meiko and Rin looked the most surprised out of everyone. 

“The last time you saw him was Thursday afternoon right? Then that means he found that out by accident that evening and was most likely the reason he’s gone missing.” 

“Adopted?” Rin thought to herself. “They’re not siblings?”

“Explain.”

“There was a letter in my dad’s room and from the tone of it, it sounded like my mom’s. It was crumpled so my dad was probably going to throw it out, but by bad luck or coincidence, it was found.”

“You said you found his phone in your Sekai? Why was it there?” An didn’t want Toya to speak, this was the most terrifying he’s been. Possibly the scariest she’s seen out of everyone she met. Right now she had a lot of questions, but she had to ask the more important ones.

“Unlike your’s, my Sekai is a lot more empty. Literally.”

“Empty? Come on, that can’t be possible.”

“Sekai are born from strong feelings, this includes negative ones.” Miku answered this time. “Not all Sekai are bright.”

“Then that means Shinonome-kun has been feeling empty then?”

“At the very least, a similar feeling.” 

“Wait wait wait.” Kaito spoke this time. “I’m sorry, I’m not that smart but could we go in chronological order? This is a lot to take in…”

“Basically, the early morning before I snapped at him, he went to my Sekai for the first time and found out about my feelings. Then I snapped at him and blocked his number.”

“Which explains why he’s been moody that week.” An deduced.

“Then he (most likely) found out about his position in the family.” Toya gritted his teeth.

…

What kind of hell were they in?

“I may not know Akito as well as the rest of you, but I feel like there’s still something more to the story. Akito’s strong, I doubt that’s the whole story.”

“Even if it isn’t everything, it explains a lot and it’s the only progress we have.” Toya glared at Ena like she was trash. “I was wrong about you.” 

She had nothing to say, she didn’t know what he thought of her but it’s no longer good.

“Here.” she took out her brother’s phone and handed it to his friends. “I can barely read the title of the song that got me here. Maybe you guys could have better luck.”

“It’s mostly blank…” An pointed out.

“It functions like Ready Steady, except it doesn’t have a proper title name.”

Toya quickly went to the song list where Ready Steady would be. It wasn’t there, yet as if by magic, a new playlist containing a single song appeared. 

“It’s… there but it’s not?” None of the Virtual Singers have no idea how to describe it even though they sensed it.

“What? That can’t be possible!” Miku’s eyes widened. “Then that means…!”

“It’s back to Untitled, but it’s like someone didn’t finish naming it.” 

“Wait, I have never seen a single song called Untitled or Ready Steady anywhere.” Ena pointed out, interrupting them. “Where was it?”

“It’s in a playlist called New Playlist, it literally just appeared right now.” An answered.

“That can’t be right, I checked his playlists and that wasn’t there and he properly names his playlists. I have never seen that happen before.”

“How did it just suddenly appear? Could it be Shinonome-kun calling for help?” Kohane tried to give an answer that might make sense.

“But Untitled or Ready Steady is our song that’s used to transport here, but she ” Toya slightly emphasized the last part. “got here without playing this. That doesn’t make sense.” 

“Right now, nothing makes sense.” Rin weakly commented, her bow drooping down.

“So what would happen if we played this?” An asked.

“I… don’t know.” Miku responded. “This is a first for me, sorry. I’m supposed to know stuff like this and here I am being useless.”

“You’re not useless, please, don’t ever say that to yourself.” Kohane reassured her.

“I do feel something strange however, something similar to a Fragmented Memory? Or maybe another Sekai? I don’t know how to exactly describe it. ” Luka commented. “I guess it feels broken?”

“So it’s another possible world similar to this? If it is, then he could be there. It would explain why we can’t find him here or back home.”

“Only one way to find out. This is so far our only lead.”

“Maybe I should leave.” Ena whispered. “If this somehow does lead to him, I don’t want to interfere or say or do anything wrong.”

“Yes, please leave. This is our problem to fix.”

“Toya!” An screamed.

“What? She could probably leave this Sekai with her own phone by going to her own Sekai or something.” he didn’t flinch from that sudden shout.

“That’s not the reason! I know you miss Akito and I know you’re angry at her, but there’s no need to be this rude towards her!”

“Then how should I be acting? Should I fake a smile and treat her as if what she did was normal? I’m not going to fake a smile like you have been doing for a while. Right now Akito needs us, people that actually care about him. If you’re going to interfere, then maybe you don’t really care about him at all. Leave if you’re not going to help me.”

“Don’t say crap like that! Don’t act like you know how I’ve been feeling! I do care about him but right now she has every right to join us in our search, she has to join us!”

“Like how she felt about his feelings? If it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!” Ena felt like someone was stabbing her heart.

“That’s going too far!” Luka shouted. “Just because you’re angry at her doesn’t mean you get to decide what to do and what to say!”

“But he’s right.” Rin answered. “Who knows what would happen if Akito see’s his sister’s face. He might react violently or run away.”

“Rin! Who’s side are you on!?” An and Luka yelled.

“I’m on no one’s side! I just want Akito to come back! Once Akito comes back, Len would come back also and everything would be back to normal! We can’t risk anything!”

“Everyone, wait! This is way too soon! All of you should take a deep breath and think things through. Even we don't know what could happen if you were to play that song. We have to stay calm, for all we know this could be our only chance.” Kaito tried to de-escalate the situation.

“Which is why we have to hurry! We can’t have deadweight dragging us down!” Toya shouted. “This song or whatever could be erased within a few minutes for all we know! He could be dying right now and almost all of you are stopping me from seeing him!”

“That doesn’t give you the right to decide who and when we should go though! She only said those things because she feels guilty! She has to join us and correct her mistakes!”

“Please, calm down everyone.” Kohane’s gentle voice was easily drowned out by her friends’ voices.

“And what if she makes it worse!? What then!?”

“Let’s say only the three of us go, what if Akito really wanted to talk to his sister?! What if he doesn’t want to talk to us? What then!?”

“I’m his partner, he’s always complaining about how annoying his sister was! I highly doubt he’d want her around!”

“If you were his partner and knew him the best out of all of us, then why didn’t you notice anything about him then!?”

“You…!” Toya grabbed An’s collar. For the first time in his life, he wanted to punch his friend. “If your partner was gone, you’d be saying the same things I’d be saying right now!”

“Don’t act like you know me!” she slapped his face to free herself, but he didn’t flinch or move a single centimeter.

“An-chan! Aoyagi-kun!” what her partner said was too far and she was also scared about what the usual, gentle Toya was going to do next. She tried separating them, everyone else besides Ena, Miku, and Meiko joined in on separating them.

Miku felt weak, they’re not supposed to be fighting. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. All Miku could do was stare at her hands, they were starting to-

“ALL OF YOU, ENOUGH!” Meiko’s voice echoed throughout the entire Sekai, literally freezing everyone but Miku in place. It was literally the first time she lost her temper. The sound of a cup being shattered on the sink also accompanied her voice. Her left hand started to bleed, pieces of glass were falling over. 

Silence filled the air and everybody sat back down how they normally would.

“B-But Meiko, what he said to Ena-san was-” An tried to answer.

“I don’t care!” she interrupted, she smacked her chest not caring that blood was staining all over her clothes. “All of you need to quiet down! I’m disappointed in you two! Both of you are going nowhere with this! You two are better than this! I know how both of you feel, but right now you’re both missing the point! You’re ignoring Ena!” 

“But I am-” An tried to answer, about to say that she was thinking of Ena’s feelings.

“No you did not! Did you personally ask her!? Toya here just wants Ena out of the way, while you just made the decision for her while she didn’t say anything! She was trying to talk but you were too busy thinking what’s best!”

They all faced Ena and she just scratched the back of her neck, just staring at the table. It was obvious that things got awkward because of her, she should've kept her mouth shut.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything…” she whispered to no one but herself.

“Ena, what is it that you want to do?” her voice became a lot calmer. “This is something you have to decide.” 

“I, uh, I said that it’s probably best that I should leave.”

“Yes you have, but that’s probably your guilt talking for you. But what is it that you really want to do? What do you think is the best decision for you to make?”

“But Toya has a point, I-” 

“I’m not asking about Toya’s point. I’m asking about you, Shinonome Ena. Don’t let anyone else’s point cloud your personal feelings right now. What is it that you always wanted to say to your brother for these past several weeks? What is it that you wanted to do?”

“I want to meet him, but after finding out what happened…”

“Then if you truly feel like the chance of meeting him would cause more problems and you feel like you should abstain, then that’s your decision to make and one we have to respect. But ask yourself this, is that what you truly feel? Would that give you any regrets?”

“I don’t know. Just a few hours ago I was prepared to do anything to see him again, but after finding out about his ‘position’, I no longer feel like I deserve to see him.”

“I’m not your mother, I can’t tell you what to do. This is your decision to make. I wish we had more time, but this chance came to us and it could be the only one we can get.” she stared at everyone with eyes that said ‘Don’t talk.’

“I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll fail him again. I failed him so many times. I want to try to find him but I’m scared that my presence will make things worse.” if she never read that letter, then she wouldn’t be hesitating to go. “This is so much to take in.”

“I really am pathetic. If it were Kanade, Mafuyu, or Mizuki, I wouldn’t be hesitating.”

She thought of the first time she met Akito as a baby, when she was very young.

“Who thish?” a young Ena was carrying a baby Akito.

“Ena this is Akito, he’s going to be your little brother.” she thinks it was her mother that said this long, long ago.

“Little Brother?”

“That means you’re an older sister now. He’s family. You have to be there for him when we’re not here. Hey Akito, can you say Ena’s name?”

“Ehnah” the baby blurted out while smiling. Immediately she hugged him as he gently tugged on her hair.

It was a memory that suddenly came to mind.

To be there for him…

“What is it that Akito wants?” she had no clue because she barely asked him. Wait, asking him…

“Did Akito ever ask what he wanted? Besides the basic stuff.”

“Besides stuff like food, he’d only ask to practice or anything related to it.” Toya voice was a lot calmer, most likely because he was terrified of Meiko. Everyone nodded their heads.

So nobody knows what he really wanted.

“I… I have to go then, if I see him then I have to ask him some things. If I do meet him and if he doesn’t want me around then I’ll just leave. But if for some reason he wants me around, then I need to be the big sister for once in my life and ask him what he wants.”

“It looks like you made your decision.”

“I have to at least try and I hope it’s the right one.”

“If that’s your final choice, then the four of you will have to go. I wish we had more people to help. If only at least one of us could go.” Meiko bit her lips as she washed her hands as Kaito brought out a first-aid kit.

“We’ll talk about this later, right now we have more important things to do.” Toya pressed the incomplete Untitled song and like magic they all slowly vanished.

“Please, save my son everyone.” Meiko thought. 

Yet, their transportation wasn’t the usual calm disappearance. Once they fully disappeared, a shattering noise filled the air as if someone hammered a mirror. 

And everything went dark.

It was dark, it was complete darkness. No one could see what was in front of them.

Someone shouted but nothing came out of their voices. 

The air was cold like touching a locker door during a snowy day, yet despite the cold no one felt like they were freezing.

“This is unexpected.” a monotoned voice spoke out. “I only thought an Akito could come here. I will lead you the way.” like some sort of horror movie the lights flickered on ominously, leading towards some sort of light in the distance. Everyone was separated but they all saw the only and same place to go.

There were several sets of footsteps, a few ran and the other walked.

It wasn’t a long walk and they all saw where they were.

They all saw a movie screen playing static.

“What is this place, where am I?” a soft voice spoke out.

“Kanade?” a familiar voice spoke out, it was a little hard to see since the only lighting came from the large movie screen.

“Ena?”

They both turned and saw the other, along with other people.

“Mizuki, Mafuyu, Airi?” Ena spoke out.

“Is this a dream?” Airi pinched herself and it hurt.

“I was with Kanade and here we are but where is here?” Mafuyu spoke with some of her fake attitude.

“Why are they here also? They weren’t near us.” An, Kohana, and Toya also noticed.

“Are we being pranked? Because I am not in the mood for it.” for the few times in their life, Mizuki wanted nothing to do with pranks.

“How are you all here?”

“I should be asking you that. One moment I was on my phone to check the time and the next thing I know I’m here in this place.”

“Are we having a group hallucination?” Mafuyu tried to come up with an answer. 

“No. This is reality.” the same monotoned voice spoke, except it was much closer.

Everyone turned towards where the voice was coming from.

“Miku…?” 

“Welcome.”