Chapter Text
The first thought in Bradley’s mind as the coffin was being lowered was that it was an unusually bright day for a funeral —a thought that had been scratching at his mind all day— thus making him regret not wearing his sunglasses. Sure it was spring and under normal circumstances it would have been a crime for it to be cloudy on a spring day but today, if he was being honest, he expected the sun to not shine. He looked at Mav to his right and saw a tear run down his face, across from him, Ice giving Bradley a sympathetic look.
The second thought in Bradley’s mind was that people must think he’s a sociopath. Through everything, his mothers diagnoses, the treatment, her final days, and now the funeral, Bradley hadn’t cried, not even a tear. In all honesty he was beginning to feel like there was something wrong with him —at least right now. Don’t get Bradley wrong, he has cried over things but for some reason he hasn’t cried at all in the last 6 months.
Sure he felt sad and all the things a normal person would feel during their moms cancer diagnosis, but that was all within, when it came to actually showing those emotions Bradley had yet to show a single one. He had heard stories of people bottling their emotions and exploding, Bradley didn’t want that, people made fun of him enough already at school and he certainly didn’t need to add a four alarm meltdown that had been bottling up for the past 6 months to his repertoire. He didn’t think that his already nonexistent reputation could take a hit like that.
Bradley could feel people looking at him, waiting for him to cry or show any sign of emotion, but he was numb, and as much as his heart ached —he felt like his heart had been smashed into a million little pieces — he was afraid nothing would ever be the same. Everything felt like it was in black and white. Looking back, the colours had started to dim a while ago and Bradley knew it. He knew that he wasn’t okay but it felt like so much work to voice it, plus, who was he supposed to talk to about it? Uncle Mav? As much as he loved and respect the man —he was the closest thing to a Father Bradley had, this being evident in the Father’s Day gift he gave to Maverick every year— he didn’t need to add anything else to Mav’s extensive list of stuff to worry about.
Aside from blood, Maverick was everything a dad was supposed to be, right down to the period found at the end of the definition. Maverick had been there for Bradley through every birthday and milestone and everything in between, and as grateful and happy as Bradley is to have Mav in his life he also knows the toll that he’s taken on the man.
Bradley wasn’t stupid, at least, he wasn’t as stupid as people assumed him to be. People had always underestimated how smart he was but if there was one thing Bradley wasn’t it was stupid. Sure he wasn’t a genius by nature at math or science but once he applied himself he found he could grasp things quite easily. Sports on the other hand Bradley found that he was a natural, while most people looked at him and saw a scrawny lanky boy that would be best left on the bleachers, what they failed to see was that he was the scrawny lanky kid that pitched the winning ball at last seasons semifinals —a screw ball that had Danny Robinson cussing all the way home. No, Bradley wasn’t stupid, which is why he knew better then to bother Mav with his feelings, especially now.
For the past year Maverick had been bending backwards for him, this meaning that his pilot career had taken a backseat as he moved over to mechanic work. With the diagnosis Maverick had become Bradleys primary parent. Through school, baseball, cooking food, and visits to the hospital, Bradley was in every sense living at Mav’s house, which meant he heard things.
————
The first time it happened had been a week after the diagnosis, Bradley had just awoken up to the smell of bacon and eggs —one of Mavericks specialties— when he overheard the hushed talking over the phone as he went downstairs.
“Listen the plane isn’t going to be ready for another two days-“
“Maverick you know that plane was supposed to be completed last week.”
“I understand sir but there’s been some family problems and I promise you I’ll get it done by Tuesday.”
“I’ll see what I can do, but they’re not going like this Maverick, if it was anyone else they would’ve had your head, in the mean time you might wanna put in some extra time, they’re probably going to push you to Monday.”
“I understand, thanks again sir.”
Maverick hung up the landline with an audible sigh escaping his lips.
The most recent however had been 2 days ago, the night his mom died. Bradley had been dozing off when his mom shook his hand.
“Bradley sweetie, I think it’s time you get to bed.”
Bradley looked down at his moms hand in his, he smiled at her, her beautiful eyes twinkling with love, something in him telling him to say he loved her.
“I love you.”
He felt the warmth of the words as he told her.
“I love you too, my little duckling.”
After a moment of silence she squeezed his hand.
“Come on, you have school the next day, and before you go can you tell Maverick I wanna talk to him?”
“Sure mom, good night.”
Getting up Bradley gave his mom what would be their last hug, with much hesitation he left the room and headed for the waiting area.
“I get that they were supposed to be done by the twelfth but I’m the only one down there and I can’t finish three planes in a week, at least not in the state they were in when I got them.”
“Mav listen, your the best we’ve got but these last few months it’s as if your workload has significantly decreased, we’ve already given you an extension, now we need you to finish them by tomorrow night.”
“Steve come on, you kno-“
“Listen Pete, I know you’ve got a lot going on right now but just because you feel guilty about what happened to your friend more than a decade ago doesn’t mean you have to go support his family, your letting your work fall behin-”
Maverick hung up the pay phone refusing to listen anymore, lifting a hand to his forehead Maverick closed his eyes as if thinking of what to do next. Deliberately, Bradley walked loud enough that Maverick could hear him coming.
“Mom wants to talk to you before we leave.” Bradley said rubbing his eyes heavy with sleep. Maverick smiled at the boy, any hint of what was once worrying him gone. He placed an arm around the kids shoulder and followed him down the hall.
————
Almost as if Maverick could read Bradley’s mind, he placed an arm around him.
“Are you okay?” Maverick leaned down before asking, thinking what a stupid question to ask at a time like this.
Bradley looked up at Mav wondering for a split second if he would ever be taller then the man he practically considered a father.
“I’m okay, it’s unusually bright though.”
That got a small smile from Maverick, as well as some raised eyebrows from the people around them.
“Don’t let these people make you feel bad, I’m here for you okay?”
Maverick squeezed his shoulder to emphasize.
“Thanks Mav.”
The drive home was a silent one. Maverick giving him glances every once in a while, if he had something to say, he didn’t say it.
If there was one thing Maverick did do though it was always keeping a hand on him, he figured it was Mav’s way of saying he was here and Bradley was grateful for it, it kept him grounded like his world wasn’t slowly drifting away. Every once in a while Mav would squeeze his hand as if he was just as dependent on Bradley’s hand as Bradley was on Maverick’s.
Looking out the window Bradley did something he hadn’t done in a long time, he counted the the number of street lights they passed until he fell asleep.
“Hey Bradley, come on buddy it’s time to wake up.”
Bradley could feel someone trying to wake him up, this was the longest he had slept in the past 2 days and it felt nice. Rubbing his eyes, heavy with sleep, Bradley looked at the familiar house in front of him before turning his gaze to Maverick, a look of understanding on his face,
“We’re at home?” Bradley asked confused at to why they weren’t at Mav’s house
“I know buddy, it’s been a rough couple of days but I figured we would stop here first, get some stuff for you, than head over to my place. It was on our way so I thought why not get it out of the way.”
Maverick paused before adding: “If that’s alright with you of course?”
Bradley felt the cracks in his heart get bigger, aside from the wake that had happened the day before, Bradley hadn’t been to his home in a month, Maverick usually being the one to drop by and get anything he needed.
Bradley couldn’t go in there, before, during the wake there were people to distract him. He was numb to what was happening, but now, now reality had sunken in and Bradley was not okay with this, but…. then again, they were alright here, he couldn’t tell Mav he wasn’t ready for this, could he? He wouldn’t understand, they had just been there the day before, what would be different now? The man already had so much on his plate and-
“Bradley, you with me? I don’t like that look.”
Mav squeezed his shoulder, feeling grounded again he looked at the older man.
“I love you Mav.” He said, not caring that he was 15 almost 16, he’d learned early on that life was too short not to tell the people he loved how much he loved them. Mavericks face must have changed from three different expressions within the span of a second.
“God kid, I needed that.”
tears now threatened to stream down Mav’s face —Bradley was seriously concerned that he couldn’t cry now.
“I love you so much Bradley, more than you could ever imagine.” Maverick said, emotion in his voice.
Leaning forward Maverick gave Bradley a hug, he hung on to it for as long as he could, squeezing Mav to make sure he was real.
“Woah, I’m here buddy it’s okay, whatever you need I’m here for you, I promise, I’m never letting you go okay?”
Bradley shook his head, “I love you.”
“I love you too kid, come on why don’t we heat up one of those casseroles.
Bradley looked at the clock on the dashboard, 4:56 p.m. he had slept for an hour and a bit, the most he had slept in the past 2 days.
Rubbing a hand on his face in the hopes that some of the sleep would go away Bradley got out of the car and started following Mav up the path to the house. With each foot step his heart beating faster. What was happening to him, Bradley thought. As he got to the front door and Maverick unlocked it. he felt like he was going to throw up.
Taking a step through the door, the house felt like it was in a perpetual state of remembrance. His mothers things all over along with flowers and gift baskets. Bradley couldn’t breath, his heart felt like it was going to explode, it hurt. Sliding down the door Bradley called out for Maverick.
“Mav?”
Maverick looked over at Bradley, panic immediately engulfing his mind.
“Mav i-it hurts.” Bradley said his voice braking, memories of his mom rushing by as if on rewind.
“Hey it’s okay buddy I’m here, just breath alright, everything’s gonna be okay.” Maverick said placing a hand on either said of him.
“P-please Pete it hurts.” Bradley said, tears streaming down his face, his sporadic breathing getting worst.
“Your going to be alright, just put your head between your knees, it’ll help.”
Complying, Bradley did as instructed, holding onto Mav’s hand with a death grip.
“Deep breathes okay buddy, deep breath in, deep breath out.
“I t-think I’m dying.” Bradley says trying the breathing techniques Mav said to do.
“Hey Bradley listen to me, your not dying, not on my watch, your just having a panic attack kid, your dad used to have them too.”
Immediately as the words came out Maverick regretted it. Bradley held his hand tighter then Maverick thought possible at the mention of Goose. The boy didn’t need to be reminded of his dad, at least not right now. He had promised Carole he would take care of Bradley and right now he was doing a lousy job at it.
At almost 16 Bradley had lost more people in his life then most people ever would at that age. Maverick wished he could take the kids pain way, he’d do anything for him. God what would Goose do?
Goose!
“Bradley when you were small do you remember a song we used to sing to you before bed?”
Bradley squeezed his hand.
“Okay bare with me, I haven’t exactly been practicing.”
“Goosey Goosey Gander,
Where shall I wander?
Upstairs and downstairs
And in my Lady's chamber.”
Slowly Bradley’s breathing started evening out, hand still holding on to Maverick like a life line.
“There I met an old man
Who wouldn't say his prayers,
So I took him by his left leg
And threw him down the stairs.”
After a few moments Bradley’s breathing had mostly returned to normal, leaving him crying, cheeks all red. Maverick pulled the kid in for a hug, resting his chin on the boys head, he could smell the familiar scent of lavender from the shampoo he used.
“Hey it’s okay, your okay.”
Bradley cried harder, his face against Mavericks chest, tears staining the white dress shirt.
“I’m right here, I promise I’ll always be here for you.” Maverick said, arm wrapped around the boy and running a hand through Bradley chestnut hair.
Bradley didn’t know how long he had cried for but he had cried every tear that he had been holding onto for the past six months. He cried for the life he could have had if his dad was still alive, he cried for his moms diagnosis, he cried for the funeral, and he cried for the future he could have had with both of his parents.
When he was all done crying Bradley felt embarrassed. He had done exactly what he didn’t want to do, he had exploded, while not the anger explosion he expected, he did get the one he needed: sadness.
“I’m sorry Mav, I didn’t mean to add one more thing to your plate, you have so many things to worry about already and that-.” Bradley said barely above a whisper before Maverick could cut him off.
“Hey kid,” Maverick said looking down at the red rimmed eyes, hazel meeting green. “I’m going to say this once, and only once, okay, so listen up. You will never be a burden to me Bradley, never. I love you more then you could ever imagine and nothing you do will ever change that, I will always be right here for you no matter what. I promised your mom that I’d look after you and that is exactly what I plan on doing, I love you kid.” Maverick squeezed Bradley tightly.
“I love you Mav.”
“I love you too buddy, forever.”
“Forever.”
Maverick kissed Bradley’s head, relishing in the embrace.
“Mav that nursery rhyme was pretty weird.”
Maverick laughed more then he should have at Bradley’s remark.
“Your telling me that? You’re the one who refused to go to sleep without having someone sing it to you.”
After a few more minutes of silence Maverick broke the quiet.
“Everything okay?” Maverick gave Bradley a tight squeeze.
“I’m scared Mav.”
“I know kid, I know you are but you can’t let that fear stop you from living your life. We’re all scared of something but the second we let that fear run our life we’re no longer living. Trust me, I know.”
“Does the pain ever go away.” Bradley looked up at Maverick, desperation in his eyes.
“A bit, I can’t promise you it won’t always hurt but I can tell you that that pain does become manageable. You use their memories as guide, a reminder of what kind of person they were and the impact they had on others.”
Bradley nodded, “thanks Mav.”
Maverick rubbed a hand up and down Bradley’s back, he hoped he had helped ease the kids mind a little.
“Mav?”
“Ya Bradley ?”
“I know you practice singing that nursery rhyme in the mirror.” Bradley teased Maverick.
“Alright that’s enough, your fine now.” This time it was Bradley’s turn to laugh.
“When was the last time you ate?” Maverick asked helping Bradley up, his leg hurting from the awkward position he was in.
“Yesterday.” Bradley said sheepishly as his stomach grumbled at the mention of food.
“Why don’t you pick something from the fridge, I’ll heat it up while you go take a shower and change into something more comfortable.”
Bradley smiled at the idea. Opening the fridge Bradley looked at the two options he had, casserole or lasagna. Deciding on the casserole in a pink dish, Bradley removed the sticky note placed on the tinfoil saying to heat for 20 minutes at 350 degrees and handed it to Maverick, heading towards the stairs to take a shower.
“Hey Mav?” Bradley said stoping just before reaching the stairs.
“Ya buddy.”
“I was thinking, maybe if your down we could have a movie night? Like old times?”
“I think that’s a great idea Bradshaw.” Maverick replied with a smile. Love for the man he considered practically his father immediately swelling his heart.
After a long shower, and a bit of crying Bradley felt somewhat refreshed. Putting on an old navy training shirt of his dads and jogging shorts Bradley looked at himself in the mirror, eyes red from crying. At 15 almost 16 —he always made sure to emphasize that he was a teenager even though he looked younger— Bradley felt scared. He missed his mom more then ever but he had Mave and that was enough, more then enough.
Mav who had been there for him and loved him, who helped him with school and took him to games. The man would do anything for him, he was Bradley’s best friend and as much as Bradley was grateful for it he also didn’t want to take advantage. He would have to make it up to Mav some how he thought.
Splashing his face with cold water and stalling a bit to reduce his puffy eyes. Bradley knew that if he went downstairs without looking a little more put together Maverick would know he had cried more and he had already done that enough today.
Giving himself a once over after a few minutes Bradley head down the stairs, feeling much lighter now that he was out of the stuffy suit and into his loose navy shirt.
Maverick was in the kitchen cutting the casserole when Bradley came in. His dress shirt no longer tucked in and sleeves rolled up.
“I think we’re set on casseroles until New Years.” Maverick said, a playful tone in his voice.
Bradley laughed, a more relaxed atmosphere setting in. Maybe things would be okay after all.
Bradley had fallen asleep half way through Back to the future — a favourite of his since Maverick had first showed it to the boy a few years back.
Maverick smiled at the fond memory, he had taken Bradley to blockbuster one night and the two had agreed on renting the film, Bradley couldn’t get enough of it, proceeding to get Mav to rent out the other two. While not as great as the first one, the movies soon became one of Bradley’s favourites, so much so that that Christmas one of Mavericks gifts to the boy was a VHS set of the movies.
God what he wouldn’t do for this kid Maverick thought, running a hand through the Bradley's hair, head on Maverick’s lap as he slept away. He had abandoned the formal wear after dinner, taking a shower and change into a plain white t-shirt and black shorts while Bradley decided on a movie.
“Talk to me Goose.” Maverick said barely above a whisper looking at how peaceful Bradley looked asleep, no worry in his face. He had promised Carole he’d look after Bradley without a seconds hesitation but if he was being honest, his fear didn’t come from taking care of the boy, but letting the boy down.
Maverick knew he could never be a father to Bradley —that spot was for Goose and only Goose— but he could be a good uncle for him. Maverick had grown up without a father so he knew first hand what it was like not to have someone to look up to and be there for him. Maverick really hoped he was helping Bradley, even if it was just by being there. He didn’t know anything about parenting but that didn’t mean he couldn’t learn, Bradley was his first priority now.
Maverick Glanced at the time: 9:37 p.m. He could feel the sleep weighing at him. No matter how tired he was he refused to let Bradley sleep on the couch, the kid had had a long enough day, he deserved to sleep in his bed. Pausing the movie and turning off the tv Maverick gently slid a hand under Bradley, picking him up and heading up the stairs. Even at almost 16 Bradley would always be the blonde headed little boy that would sing Great balls of fire with Goose and him. How Maverick longed for those simpler times.
Bradley’s room looked like it was on the process of a makeover that got halted half way through. Though not as full as it once was —this due to most of Bradley’s stuff now being at Mavericks house— remnants still remained. On one side stuck in the child phase model fighter jets hanged from the ceiling, a Back to the future and half fallen Star Trek poster on the wall. On the other side now starting the adolescence phase, CD’s lined the floor and shelfs along with a Bruce Springsteen, Born in America poster.
Maverick pulled the covers aside and laid Bradley down, pulling the blue covers back around him before giving the kid a kiss on the forehead.
“Goodnight buddy.”
As Maverick headed for the door he heard some rustling before a small voice barely above a whisper called out.
“Mav?”
Mavericks heart clenched, worry ensuing him again.
“I’m here buddy.”
“Can…. Can you stay?” Vulnerability written all over Bradley’s voice.
Maverick gave the boy a sympathetic smile, worry now replaced with love, of course he was going to stay.
“You don’t have to, sorry, it was stupid to ask.” Bradley quickly added
“Of course I will.” Maverick said making his way toward the bed. Bradley shifted over making space for the man. Once under the covers Bradley laid his head down on Mavericks chest, listening to the soft beating of the man’s heart.
“I’m here baby goose.” Maverick said, wrapping an arm around the boy. “I’ll always be here.”
After some time, just as Maverick thought Bradley had fallen asleep, a soft voice spoke.
“I love you Mav.”
“I love you too Bradley, forever.”
“Forever.”
Maverick relished in the warm feeling of how pure the moment was, Bradley was all he cared about and the boy deserved a break from the rough hand life had dealt him.
Hearing the soft snores coming from the sleeping boy, Maverick thought of something the two of them could do together. He was determined to get Bradley’s mind off of the last few months, even if it was just for a day. We could go on a hike and throw the ball around. Or maybe go to the beach and get some ice cream, that sounds fun.
Just as sleep started weighing in on Maverick the perfect place came to him, the pier. Bradly loved the pier, they’d get ice cream and Maverick would let Bradley play any game he wanted, then they could walk on the beach enjoying the sun. Maverick smiled before another thought took over: the letter. Tomorrow he’d give Bradley her letter Maverick thought as he succumbed to sleep.
Carole’s letter.