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For Imogen, it was like a blow to the middle of her chest. A word that slipped into her mind to plant roots and never leave again. All the sounds of the outside world seemed deafened by the avalanche of echoes that reverberated in her head every time she saw her. That word had become an unnerving cadence that she clung to as if her sanity depended on it.
It was a word she didn't usually use. She didn't have too many possessions, just what she carried with her… at least until Laudna had come into her life.
The first time the word appeared dancing happily in her mind, it took her by surprise, Dusk only had to look and smile in Laudna's direction for the word to flash before her eyes.
Mine .
An unexpected train of thoughts assailed her: Laudna is my friend, mine. Do not go looking for support in her, you hardly know her, she’s mine .
It took Imogen a few minutes to recover from this surprising lack of control over her own thoughts, followed by a dull ache in her chest that she chose to ignore completely, surely another side effect of the Wild Magic she had used. Honestly, she'd rather have a bald head for a few days than this disconcerting feeling.
But the word stayed stuck in her mind despite everything.
“...Cold hands, warm heart”
Stop touching her, she's mine. Mine.
Imogen shook her head as if to try and disassociate herself from the intrusive thought. She wasn't like that, she was always glad when Laudna could make a meaningful connection, she deserved it, she had a big heart. Why was this person different then?
Dusk finally joined the party, they shared goals, a common welfare if you must. Imogen's attention was elsewhere, her hair for example or the fact that she was fighting with Laudna could also influence her mood. These were not good times for her, Imogen felt as if her life was trying to slip out of her hands. All the daily life that they had developed after years together with Laudna was already part of her being and its absence felt as if an important part of her body was missing.
Still, she wasn't about to give in. Even if the stone’s absence felt better with time, even if she knew it had been Delilah the one to blame for it, she still couldn't cross that bridge and make amends.
But the casual contact was more and more frequent between Laudna and Dusk. The new addition to the group seemed to seek her out more often than the rest of them. And of course she felt real, she was right there, next to her Laudna.
Mine.
The pain in her chest seemed to intensify each time that word appeared in her consciousness.
Was it the absence of her friend that was affecting her so much?
Her gaze had focused on Laudna's hands, currently being cradled between Dusk's, they looked at each other sharing a warm smile. And the pain in her chest grew sharper and piercing.
When everything had been resolved, Dusk had shown their true face, peace had returned to the group in a way that everyone seemed to long for. Nothing was like before, they had learned many things about Ruidus and Fearne, with whom she now felt closer. But the word had never been erased from her mind, the shadow of it had never left her, until Imogen had to recognize it for what it was, the reflection of her feelings.
But things with Laudna didn't feel the same, she had told her almost by chance about the date Dusk had invited her to before the debacle. Imogen had felt that place in the center of her chest suddenly empty and even though the date had not taken place she had remembered that horrible feeling. Of course Imogen had respected Laudna, but the seed had been planted. A seed that continued to grow and flourish without Imogen wanting it.
Still, she kept quiet. Letting only friendship seep into her thoughts. She quietly enjoyed Laudna's closeness, appreciating every moment they spent together. The nights she slept in her arms, the music of her mind lulling her to sleep, the touches of hands and subtle caresses were treasures that she kept in her heart and relieved every night before finally succumbing to sleep.
No matter where fate took them, Imogen knew she would never abandon Laudna. She would find a way to extract Delilah's manipulative ways out of Laudna’s mind and give her the life she deserved. She would be by her side every step of the way, watching over her and protecting her.
For Laudna it was slow and subtle, quiet and unavoidable; like a sunny day caressing the tall grass of a beautiful prairie, a lazy awakening with even breathing tickling the skin of her neck, while the sun warmed the fallen leaves they had used as a mattress the night before. For Laudna it was a dream, an unattainable treasure, a prayer offered to the winds.
She hadn't expected anything from Imogen, her friendship was more than enough of a gift. Imogen was not afraid of her, Imogen was not disgusted by her, Imogen sought her company and her closeness like no one else had before. And Laudna knew the day would come when she would have to give her life, or what was left of it, to protect her; but she couldn't think of that now, not when everything was so new and vibrant.
It was no surprise when that friendship began to feel like something more. Laudna mentally punished herself but she knew she couldn't have done anything about it even if she had tried. Imogen was sweet and smart, gentle and determined; Imogen was powerful and very lonely. Imogen didn't really need her anymore, but she allowed her to be in her life and Laudna would thank any pantheon she needed to thank.
Laudna began to see how Imogen grew by her side, how she became more confident and independent, her powers grew along with it and she realized that she was destined for great things. But every night she kept snuggling up to her side, searching for her cold body, and Laudna could do nothing but hold her in her arms.
Imogen was very capable, Laudna already knew that, but seeing her develop her skills in the service of the Bell's Hells made her immensely proud. Imogen was opening more and more to her companions, she was making friends with each of them in a unique way, Laudna looked at her from afar and smiled; her Imogen was expanding her social horizons. Still, her hands kept looking for Laudna’s in moments of anxiety or nervousness, she kept looking for her in the middle of a fight to make sure she was okay. She kept adding a couple of extra beats to Laudna's lazy heart.
Therefore, the first serious fight they had with Imogen was devastating for her. Her weary bones could not bear so much pain, so much sadness.
Delilah had done the unthinkable, hurt Imogen through her and it was all Laudna's fault. The undead woman was willing to give anything to return to Imogen what Delilah had taken from her, but it was impossible and a rift had opened between them.
Those nights that they slept apart were pure torture, Laudna knew that she couldn't be around to comfort her after a nightmare, she couldn't help her sleep more peacefully, her absence felt like an unfathomable abyss.
After a while things mended between them, but Laudna noticed that there was still a shadow between them that was not there before. Her head tried to find that stumbling block that had escaped them to try to fix it but it seemed in vain.
Dusk had invited her on a date and that confused her even more. Her simple and quiet life had suddenly become tumultuous and she didn't like it at all. She clung back to Imogen, to her friendship, to that warmth she recognized and comforted her.
Dusk betrayed them, and Laudna encountered a pain that she had not expected.
"Everything they told me was a lie," she had whispered one quiet afternoon as she and Imogen watched the sun sink below the horizon. Everything was calmer and the group had taken a well-deserved rest. For Laudna it meant more time to think and remember things that ended up making her sad.
"They had to lie to infiltrate our group," Imogen had replied, watching the rays of the fading sun.
"I can understand that," Laudna said after a sigh. "But they didn't have to ask me out, or tell me that I…" she hadn't been able to finish the sentence.
Imogen's gaze was on her at once, her eyes filled with something Laudna couldn’t identify. She couldn’t meet her gaze.
Although she wasn't looking directly at her, Laudna knew that a bolt of lightning had crossed Imogen's lilac gaze, that her brow was furrowed in that adorable way that made her little nose crinkle just a bit. Laudna smiled, something only Imogen could produce.
“Don't worry, Imogen. I really understand why they did it.” Laudna finally looked at her companion "she must have thought that I was the most vulnerable out of all of us, and at a certain point she... she may have been right"
"You are not vulnerable, Laud." Imogen's voice was tinged with suppressed anger. "She took advantage of you and your good heart"
"My dear Imogen, I don’t know what I have done in this life or in the previous one to deserve your friendship... but I appreciate every breath that allows me to be with you"
Laudna didn't think she had uttered such a true statement in her entire life or aftelife. Her efforts to silence that part of her soul that professed unconditional love for Imogen in favor of pure friendship was herculean. That shadow that Laudna had learned to detest flashed across Imogen's gaze and was gone just as quickly.
The conversation with Orym had left her very confused. The halfling had approached her in the midst of the bustle of a tavern filled to the brim. He had found her looking longingly at Imogen who, after a long time, had come out of her shell and was enjoying a game of cards with the other members of the group. Her control over her powers was so much greater that the crowds no longer bothered her as much and that's why Laduna couldn't be more proud of her.
“When are you going to tell her?” he had suddenly asked her, pointing to Imogen across the long table.
“What do you want me to tell her, Orym?” Confusion was evident in Laudna's voice, and Orym didn't suppress an exasperated sigh.
"That you love her"
“Of course I love her, and she knows it. She is my best friend "
“Yes, Laudna. But have you told her that you are in love with her?”
The words stuck in her throat, those feelings being exposed in the open were something she wasn't prepared to deal with. Orym smiled at her candidly and patted her on the back.
That night, with Imogen snuggled tightly in her arms, Laudna plunged into the stormy sea of her thoughts, taking care that not a drop leaked into the mind of her roomate.
It wasn’t a new feeling, she knew that the love she felt for Imogen was different than a friendship, deeper, more complicated. And, apparently, too obvious to hide it from the rest of the group. As her fingernails scraped Imogen's scalp, causing her to purr beside her, Laudna thought that she should be more careful. She couldn't let Imogen notice, she would surely freak out. She couldn't let Delilah take advantage of that information either and hurt Imogen to get her way, she had to be more careful than ever.
"Laud, what's wrong?"
Of course her always perceptive Imogen was going to notice when something strange happened. No matter how hard she tried, there was no way to hide her feelings from Imogen.
"What are you talking about?" Playing dumb had never worked but it wasn't going to stop Laudna from trying.
Imogen sat up a little and stood looking at her closely, almost hovering above her.
Laudna allowed herself a few minutes of shameless admiration. The most beautiful face that she had seen in her life, so close and yet so far. Those eyes that knew almost all her secrets, her freckles that represented the firmament of kisses that she could never give her, her hair falling playfully on her forehead. Laudna admired her and her heart clenched with pain. She would have to tell her, because the words would overflow her mind sooner or later, because Imogen would find out in a horrible way and she wouldn't be able to deny it.
Imogen had to know.
“Laudna, you’re crying” It wasn't a question and Imogen's eyes filled with concern.
“Sorry, sometimes I can't control it.” Laudna tried to lie but she knew it wouldn't have the desired effect, Imogen's frown told her clearly.
"Laudna..."
"Imogen, promise me…" she whispered desperately, before she lost her courage. “... promise me that you will go on even if I am not there with you”
"What are you talking about, Laud?" a tear fell down a freckled cheek.
“When I’m not here… when this body no longer allows me to continue by your side… promise me that you will continue on pursuing your happiness. You deserve it, Imogen. You deserve it more than anyone."
“Don't talk like that, Laudna. Why wouldn't you be with me? We can both pursue happiness, together.”
"You know I'm on borrowed time, if it's not Delilah it will be the expiration of this fragile body"
"I won't let anything happen to you, Laud, I promise." The tears were now falling freely. Imogen's hands had gripped Laudna's shoulders, as if she were trying to keep her from moving away from her.
Laudna couldn’t speak, the sadness was immense. She let her thoughts flow into Imogen's mind, she opened her heart for her to enter.
I'm so sorry, my dear Imogen, I don't know how it happened or when. I only know that my heart belongs to you and there is no turning back. I’m in love with you.
Imogen's eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat.
I'm so sorry, Laudna repeated franctly in her mind, but I wasn't going to be able to keep it hidden much longer. I would understand if after this you want to keep your distance, if the body of this puppet that keeps me alive is too difficult to love the way I love you. But I would appreciate it if you would continue to bless me with your friendship despite everything .
Laudna watched as Imogen closed her eyes for a few moments. The room was dark and completely silent, she couldn't hear the thoughts of her companion either. So Laudna waited.
When Imogen finally opened her eyes, her face broke into the biggest smile Laudna had ever seen. Her mind was filled with happy music that sounded very similar to laughter and a single word was repeated like a cadence among so much joy.
Mine .