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“Alright, Nelson. Truth or Dare?”
Nick doesn’t know why he joined this game. There’s a circle of about 25 random uni students he’s never met (except for Sai, whose the only person he really knew from Truham who went to the same university as him) Most of these people know his name, because like at Truham, he has the reputation of Rugby King, which he still hates just as much as he did when it was coming from the likes of Harry Greene and Ben Hope.
Plus, Truth or Dare is a game he’s never really liked that much.
It’s kind of hard to enjoy the game when all anyone wants to base their truths and dares on is sex related questions and tasks. Nick hasn’t had a turn yet, but he’s known the whole time since the first dare was given that he was picking truth, hands down.
He just watched a girl have to give a lap dance to a boy across the circle from her(he says watched, but he really means he stared at the floor while everyone around him hooted and hollered and cheered her on), and it was quite possibly the most uncomfortable experience of his life. Sai was tasked with doing a body shot off of a very ripped football player, and Nick winced the whole time, like he was the one with a shot of tequila and a lime in his mouth.
Nick doesn’t really want to answer. He knows dare is a bad choice, but honestly with the way this is going, truth doesn’t seem like a very desirable option either. But, it’s too late to back out now, he had plenty of chances to dip out before his name was called so he just bites the bullet and says, “Truth.”
He hears a few grumbles, one about how that’s a wasted opportunity to see Nick shirtless or something, but most of them are just exclaiming how lame it is. Nick doesn’t care about adding lame to the litany of words people used to describe Rugby King Nick Nelson, it’s honestly a bit refreshing.
“Ugh, okay. I had a proper good dare worked out for you but I guess I’ll ask a question instead,” the guy, Aaron?, Nick thinks that’s his name, says and then gives a wicked smirk, looking around the circle, before focusing back on Nick and looking into his eyes.
“What’s your body count?”
Suddenly, the atmosphere shifts and Nick tenses. He glances to Sai who looks back at him, concerned, still sucking at the lime from his shot. In any other scenario, Sai just eating a lime like he is would have Nick in stitches from laughing so hard, but right now he can’t think about anything other than the question.
Nick’s contemplating whether he should answer honestly. He isn’t ashamed of the truthful answer, but he knows it would be easier to say a random number like four, than to say zero and have to explain everything.
But then again, he loves Charlie, and he doesn’t want to lie and make it seem like he’s lying to Charlie. He knows that’s kind of irrational, because his answer in this game will never get back to Charlie, seeing as his boyfriend is four hours away, most likely sitting in his room waiting for Nick to tell him he’s safely home after the party, and no one here in this circle, except for Sai, know what Nick’s answer is and why.
But, Sarah Nelson didn’t raise a liar, so Nick sits up a little straighter, looks right into maybe-Aaron’s eyes, and answers, “Zero.”
The circle becomes chaos. Nick grimaces and looks around, seeing the shocked looks on everyone’s faces. He glances over to Sai who no longer has the lime in his mouth, and Sai shoots him a smile.
“Hold on! Everyone shut the fuck up!” Maybe-Aaron yells and Nick looks at him, only to see that Aaron’s eyes are already trained on him.
“Are you fucking with us, right now?”
Nick suppresses the urge to groan aloud.
“No? Why would I be?” Nick questions, and he sees maybe-Aaron’s eyebrows furrow.
“So, you’re a virgin?”
Nick rolls his eyes. “Yes, I am.”
Somehow, there’s a difference between when he said zero versus when he agrees to being called a virgin, even though those two things mean the same. The circles goes crazy again, and Nick sighs.
“No way Nelson’s a virgin, no way!”
Nick wants to scream.
“I thought you were dating someone, Nick?” A random girl says, and Nick looks around trying to figure out who said that. He sees her, and recognizes her from his Econ class, and smiles.
“Yes, I am,” he echoes his previous statement, and smiles.
Maybe-Aaron seems very interested in this new information. “You’re dating someone?”
Nick nods.
“For how long?” Maybe-Aaron asks, and Nick smiles again.
“Four years,” he says, and he subconsciously rubs his wrist where the beaded bracelet inscribed with N+C sits.
Nick didn’t think the circle could get any crazier.
‘“Four years?!”’ seems to be the general reaction to this revelation.
“Four years and you’ve never fucked her?” Maybe-Aaron says, and Nick kind of wants to punch him.
“I’m not dating a ‘her’ so, no, I haven’t fucked her. I’m dating a ‘him,’ and we haven’t ever had sex, no,” Nick says slowly, watching as Maybe-Aaron’s face goes through so many emotions Nick’s surprised he didn’t get whiplash.
“First of all, you’re gay? Second of all, how the fuck have you gone four years with one person and not wanted to fuck him?”
Nick really wants to punch him.
“First of all, I’m not gay, I’m bisexual. Second of all, because sex isn’t the most important thing in the world.”
Maybe-Aaron’s mouth opens and closes for about twenty seconds before he says yet another thing that makes Nick want to beat the hell out of him, “is he fucking ugly or something?”
Nick swears he sees red for a second. “What the fuck? No!”
“Well, you’ve been together four years, and haven’t had sex, so he’s either fucking paralyzed or he’s ugly,” Maybe-Aaron laughs, and it takes everything in Nick to not leap across the floor and punch him right in the face.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Nick growls, and he sees Sai stand up and come around to his side of the circle.
“C’mon Nick, let’s just leave,” Sai says, and Nick almost agrees, but he can’t just let this random guy talk about his Charlie like that.
“No, I wanna know what his fucking problem is!”
Maybe-Aaron looks shocked, like he, for some reason, didn’t expect Nick to get this worked up. “Look, man, I’m curious! It’s obviously not you that’s the ugly one, so maybe it’s him! Or you guys have some performance errors or something, which is fine! Totally cool. I’m just curious, you know?”
“No, he’s not ugly, he’s fucking beautiful, and no, we don’t have fucking performance issues, you asshole. He just doesn’t like sex, so we don’t do it!”
“Why do you have to suffer just because he doesn’t like it?! You’re bisexual, right? So why not have a girl on the side while you play house with your boyfriend so you aren’t deprived of your God given rights to sex?”
Nick thinks that if Sai wasn’t holding onto him, then he would have actually launched himself at that asshole.
“God, you’re a right prick, aren’t you? I’m not gonna cheat on my boyfriend, who I love, sex or not, just so I can have sex with some random girl who means nothing to me. No one else matters, because I have Charlie! I don’t need sex to be with him, it’s not the most important thing in the world! There are other ways to be intimate and love each other than getting off. Jesus Christ, dude, grow up.”
Nothing else matters when he has Charlie.
Charlie and his beautiful dimples and pretty eyes and unruly curls.
Charlie and that smile he gives Nick when he watched Nick play with Nellie.
Charlie, who apologizes way too much over things that aren’t his fault, but laughs when he accidentally trips Nick or when he throws chips and hits Nick in the face.
Charlie, who doesn’t even say anything when Nick gets a little hard when they shower together, because he knows Nick doesn’t mean to.
Charlie, who rests his feet in Nick’s lap when they’re watching a movie.
Charlie, who lets Nick lay his head on Charlie’s thighs when he has a headache and runs his fingers through Nick’s hair until Nick falls asleep.
Charlie, who Nick loves more than anything, more than any orgasm he could ever have.
Charlie, who’s been through so much, way too much for an eighteen year old boy, but who works so hard to not let it bring him down.
Charlie, who loves Nick so fearlessly, so uncontrollably, that it makes Nick emotional sometimes.
Charlie, who Nick would do anything for, including stay a virgin forever, because Nick loves him, and Charlie loves him, too.
Charlie, who is too good for Nick, who is too good for anyone, too good for this world.
“I’m just trying to understand how someone couldn’t like sex! It’s a natural human thing to enjoy!”
Nick doesn’t even think about what he’s saying before he says it. “It’s natural to not like it anymore after you get fucking raped too, Aaron! That’s why we don’t do it! He doesn’t like it because it freaks him out. So, I don’t like it because I don’t like freaking him out! You aren’t being curious, you’re just being an ass.”
Nick finally stands up, and lets Sai lead him away from the circle. They leave the house the party’s taking place in and Nick immediately crumbles the second they leave the porch.
“Oh, fuck, why did I say that? I shouldn’t have said that. Oh, god,” Nick can feel tears streaming down his face as he thinks about what he just revealed, Charlie’s secret that he just told a group of people he doesn’t even know.
He can tell that Sai is trying to say something to him but he can’t hear it over the blood rushing in his ears.
“Charlie’s gonna hate me, Sai, he’s gonna hate me. I told all those people about the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.”
He looks up at Sai whose staring down at him in concern, his phone pressed up against his ear.
“Yeah, he’s just a little freaked out, thinking you’re gonna hate him.”
Nick’s confused. “Are you- are you talking to Char?”
Sai smiles. “Yep, he’s asking about you now, so I’m gonna pass it over, alright? Yeah, Charlie, of course.”
Nick sniffles, and stands up, sticking his hand out to Sai.
“So demanding, Nelson. God,” Sai says, but he laughs and hands over the phone.
Nick immediately puts the phone up to his ear. “Char?” He whispers, and it sounds pathetic, even to his own ears.
“Hey, baby,” Charlie whispers back, and Nick feels another sob rising in his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Char. God, I swear I didn’t mean to, it was an accident, but I was so angry and I totally betrayed you by saying what I said and I’m so sorry,” Nick just lets the words spill out, and he knows he could keep going like this for days, but Charlie starts speaking and Nick stops.
“Nick, it’s okay. Sai told me what happened while you were falling apart on the sidewalk. I’m not mad, baby. If anything, I’m proud of you. If I know you as well as I’m sure I do, then I’m aware that you probably contemplated lying to them, and saying some random number just so it was easier, am I right?”
Nick lets out a watery laugh. “You’d be right… For a second, I wanted to say four.”
“Why four?” Charlie laughs. His laugh is the most beautiful thing Nick’s ever heard.
“Well, it’s the number of people I had a crush on before I met you? It’s kinda lame. But I just didn’t want to have to explain, because I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone. It’s no one else’s business, and what happened to you is yourbusiness and I shouldn’t have told anyone. So yeah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. But I love you so much, Char, and I couldn’t handle him saying those things about you! He’s never even met you and he thought it fair to sit there and make up these things about you, like he knew you. And- and it was just too much for me, and I lost my temper. I really thought I might punch him if he implied you were ugly one more time! You’re the prettiest person I know. You’re fucking beautiful.”
“Nick…” Charlie says, and Nick can hear a shake to his breath that tells Nick he’s gonna start crying. “I’m not mad at you for saying that. Thank you for standing up for me. I know it didn’t go the best way, but you’re amazing, okay? I love you. I love you so much. And I love that you’re so in love with me that you’ll yell at a bunch of dude bros for me. Okay? You’re fine, mi amor. I’m not mad. I love you.”
Nick’s crying again, and he sniffles before speaking. “I’ll never need anyone else, Char. You know that, right? I-I don’t care that- I don’t care about sex, you know that, right? It doesn’t matter that I haven’t ever done it, or that I possibly never will. I don’t. Because I have you! I have you, and that’s the only thing I need. Okay? I love you.”
Charlie’s crying, and Nick’s crying, and Sai walked away like five minutes ago so he wasn’t intruding on a private moment, but Nick thinks he might have cried, too, if he was still listening.
“You’re my favorite person, Nick. Okay? I’m not mad, and I love you. And it might now be forever. At some point, I might be able to try. You know? I’ve been talking to Geoff, and I’m making progress, working through everything. He thinks it’s possible that I could get over this at some point,” Charlie says, and he sounds so fucking proud of himself that Nick does all he can to not fall over with the need to wrap Charlie in his arms and hold him forever.
And in a year and half, when Charlie and Nick are both together in their off-campus apartment, Charlie asks Nick to touch him, well, Nick has no choice but to oblige.