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I lift up the heavy robes around my legs as I rush through the secret passageways of Akuma Castle. The sounds of the battle are a distant memory now as I rush up stairs and stairs to try and get to the peak. I breathe hard through the tight wrap of bandages around my chest, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is getting to him before- before the inevitable.
I emerge out on the top level of the castle, which opens up to the peak. Tokugawa’s men have already left. All that remains is a dim light of a sword, and a fallen body. My heart clenches in my chest. I run with all of my energy to the top of the peak and fall to my knees at the side of my lover. Vox.
“Don’t be dead,” I beg, lifting him up into my arms so I can look into his face. His make-up is smeared from sweat, and his body is covered in blood from so many slices and stab wounds. It’d be a miracle if he was alive, but still - I pray.
He coughs, once, and his eyes open. The colour of his irises are almost pale in comparison to their usual hue, and a pain runs through my chest at the sight. I hold him close to me. There’s nothing I can do. All I know is that I have just a little bit more time with him.
Vox coughs again. “The clan . . .?”
There’s no use in lying. “Killed. Or taken in by Tokugawa, likely forced to swear fealty to him,” I spit. “We were so unprepared. I don’t know if any escaped, but I’m going to find them for your sake, I swear-”
“So my dream ends, then . . .” he sighs. He raises a hand to touch my face. “Don’t cry, Tanaka. I’m just . . . sorry to have dragged you into this.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I answer. I reach up to take his hand in mine. “And your dream isn’t going to end here. You’re a yokai. You’re going to live on. Maybe not- not now, but- you’ll be back. I promise. You’ll be back, and you’ll be greater than ever.”
He gives a weak, paltry laugh. “You have . . .” he coughs. “. . . so much confidence. So much fire.”
Seeing the pain he’s in - the pain in my own heart - I don’t know whether to beg him to stay with me or not. But my empathy wins me over. I lean down and kiss his forehead for the last time.
“Sleep, sweet prince. When you come back, I will find you. I swear.”
When I pull back, his eyes are closed. The sword next to him has completely dimmed. His pulse is gone. I lay him back on the ground as carefully as I can, my face downturned. I can sense a demon manifest - one I recognize. I don’t look up to acknowledge him - I just stare at the body of my lover, my savior. Then I stare at his sword.
“What are we going to do, Tanaka-san?” Onigiri asks me.
I press my lips together. Tokugawa had taken everything from me, again. Not just the Tanaka clan, but the Akuma clan as well.
I couldn’t forgive that.
I reach for Vox’s sword and take it up in my hands. The tip of it had broken off - but that’s nothing I can’t fix. Something I will fix.
I get to my feet and raise my eyes to Onigiri with a fire in my eyes.
“We fight.”
***
Even with the transfusions, I’m still exhausted after everything with Jeanne. I lie in bed for days, just trying to recoup my energy. I get snippets of news from Vox when he comes in to check on me, though he doesn’t stay long.
“Mysta went to check on Shoto. Shoto’s confirmed the vampire is dead.”
“The murders have stopped. Guess she was really behind them after all.”
“Lucy’s offered to stay a few more nights. She’s worried about you.”
“Do you want me to cook for you? Let me make you something. Don’t worry, I’ll bring it in for you. Anything for you, sweetheart.”
I’ve never seen Vox in such a state of distress before. He holds it together on the outside, but I can see it in his eyes. The guilt. I want to tell him it’s not his fault, but I’m not sure he’d listen to me at this point. All I can really do is talk to him as I can - and ignore how tightly he holds me at night. The way he sometimes sobs quietly into my shoulder.
I never know if I should pretend to be asleep during that or not.
Lucy, bless her, checks in on me just as often as Vox does. She’s kind, fluffing up my pillows and helping me find things to do. “Do you want a book? A movie? Your laptop? Or just a hug for now?” I almost admire her - she seems so unbothered by everything. I guess she’s had to adapt that way, what with her brother being a mafia boss, but it still stuns me.
In the end, I end up asking her about Vox. “He’s spending a lot of time in his office, sweetheart,” she admits to me as she sits on the edge of my bed and helps cut my food into smaller portions (I didn’t ask her to - she just does it). “I don’t think he’s streaming though. Luca told me he’s taken a few weeks off, likely to look after you.”
“He’s just been so distant,” I sigh. “I think he feels guilty - guilty that he wasn’t able to help me. But I don’t blame him. I could barely do anything. If it wasn’t for the demons-”
“How did you summon those? Luca was curious.”
How? I fumble for words, trying to describe. “I’m not certain,” I say. “I just- sort of knew they were there, watching out for me. At one point I had gotten to safety, and a big tree branch fell - and a demon knocked me out of the way and took the blow. So I knew something was watching out for me.”
“Curious,” she says, before handing me back my fork and standing back. “Is there anything I can get for you?”
“Something that makes sense to me?” I mutter. She laughs.
“I could get you a movie on your laptop.”
“Sure. That sounds . . . close enough.”
A cheesy romance movie and some sleep later, I hear Vox come to the room again. He leans in the doorway with just his turtleneck on, arms folded, staring at the floor. I sit up and look him over. He doesn’t even have his make-up on today. It’s a strange sight.
“Are you alright?” He asks. “I just finished work for the day, so . . .”
“I’m doing okay,” I say. “I could ask the same of you, though. Are you alright?”
“I . . .” he trails off. I sigh; enough of this. I shift over in bed until there’s enough room for him, and I pat the space next to me.
“Come here, Vox.”
He finally looks at me, surprised. Then, slowly, he walks over to the bed and sits down. He doesn’t quite turn to me, but I don’t care; I reach over and pull him fully towards me, before laying my head down in his lap.
“Play with my hair,” I order. He lifts a brow at me, but does as I say; seems even his dominant streak can’t resist when I’m this close to him after so long. I sigh and close my eyes, relishing the feeling of him stroking my hair. This feels so much more pleasant than him being a ghost throughout the day, only manifesting once or twice a day.
After a few minutes, I hear him try to speak up. “I’m . . . so-”
“Don’t be,” I cut him off. “I have no idea what on earth you would have to be sorry about.”
He gives a sad chuckle. “I could write up a whole list.”
“And I would cross off every one. I’m alright now. Recovering, but alright,” I open my eyes to stare into his gold ones. “I’m made of harder shit than that vampire could’ve ever thrown at me.”
“I could’ve-”
“Could’ve what, mister? Were you going to run barefoot, in the cold, uphill both ways, to rescue me in the goddamn highlands? You’re good at a lot of things, but you’ve said yourself: you have your limitations.”
“I could’ve followed, still. I could’ve done more than waiting here for any sign that you were okay!” his hands go tense in my hair. I wince; he loosens them up, but he’s still looking down at me with that sad look in his eyes. “Tanaka…you were gone for days. I didn’t sleep. Barely ate. Not that any of that affected me, but I was…scared.”
“I know,” I frown. “I was scared, too. But you know, you’re the reason I fought back. I knew that regardless of what happened,” I gulped, “I . . . I had to let you know what happened to me. Whether I survived, or di-”
He leans down and smashes his lips against mine. I squeak; he only pulls back enough to murmur, “Don’t. Ever. Say-”
“I almost died!” I insist into the space between us. He reels back like I’d physically smacked him. “Yeah, that’s shitty, and scary, and frankly I could’ve pissed myself about it! But I didn’t. Nobody did except for that bitch who kidnapped me. It doesn’t matter about the possibilities anymore, Vox. I’m alive. I’m sorry you were worried. It’s going to haunt me every day that I made you feel like that. But I’m here now. Isn’t that what matters, that I’m here now?”
He looks like he’s going to cry again. His hands have completely stopped in my hair. I shake them off and force myself to sit up in his lap. Then I wrap my arms around him and hold his face against my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I say, this time in a softer tone. “I don’t know what more I can say, except that I’m sorry. I’d do anything to convince you that this wasn’t your fault. I promise.”
His arms come up around me, holding me close to him. I can hear his quiet sniffles into my shoulder, and I can tell that he’s holding back further tears. I know he’s cried every night since I got back. The only difference is that this time, I can be here for them. Just like I had been the night I came home.
“It’s okay, Vox,” I tell him. “It’s all going to be okay.”
The dam breaks.