Chapter Text
Why the Hell had no one ever told him? Sirius Black was absolutely livid. The rage, at his family, at his friends, at the fucking world, only built up in him the longer he thought about it, and he was near ready to burn the whole house down or do something equally drastic. Little did he know, he was not going to be the only furious one. Potter Manor, where Sirius and his friends were staying for the Easter holidays, underwent such a siege of anger that day it was a miracle it didn’t end up a ruin.
It all started innocently enough, with a trip into town for the four Marauders. The Potter’s house wasn’t all that far from the main streets of Godric's Hollow, and it was a pleasant walk, with only a bit of chill in the air that week. The exercise energized the boys, who’d been lounging all morning, and they were really quite a cheerful bunch when they made it to the first of the shops.
They tried on muggle clothes in a little second hand shop, which Sirius loved. Muggles had so many more options! They stopped in a large, dusty bookstore because Remus was tempted, James needed a birthday gift for Lily, and Peter needed to follow James. Even that was somehow enjoyable for Sirius, as hilarious and delightful as his friends couldn’t help being. Overall it was an absolutely dandy day of fun and camaraderie, until they decided to stop for lunch at one of the local pubs.
It was a nice place– airy and bright. They ordered sandwiches and teas, all of which were absolutely delicious. Sirius never paid much mind to cost, and especially couldn’t understand Muggle currency, but even Remus seemed content that they’d got their money’s worth. None of that was the issue.
No, the issue was the table directly in front of Sirius. At first everything was perfectly normal, just two twenty-something blokes eating shepherd's pie and drinking beer, and Sirius paid them little mind. But over the course of the lunch, he couldn’t help noticing that the two were becoming slightly tipsy, and as they did, they also got more and more…affectionate? Sirius was no stranger to the effects of alcohol, and the way it seemed to make people, himself included, freer with their friendliness and physicality, but this was decidedly different.
It started with one of them placing a hand over the other’s, with just the smallest of smiles. There was a hand running over a knee, laughter as they stole bits of each other's food with rather heavy stares, the chairs inching closer together until it was just a bit odd. If one of them was a woman, it would have all made sense, but as it was, Sirius was perplexed. Perhaps they were just really drunk. Then the one on the left, who’d had an arm wrapped around his friend’s waist for a good five minutes, leaned all the closer and kissed the other right on the mouth.
It was nothing like the drunken snogs Sirius had seen before. It was quick, gentle, and the look they gave each other after was just so fucking loving that Sirius knew there had to be more to it. How that was even possible, he had no idea. He felt as if the world had gone off its axis, and his brain absolutely couldn’t comprehend what he’d seen. It simply stopped working. He glanced around at his friends to see if they’d seen too, or if he was somehow hallucinating.
James was sitting directly across from him, with his back to the men, and was chattering on about the book he’d bought, completely oblivious to the catastrophic situation. Remus looked at the other table once he noticed Sirius staring and then immediately trained his eyes back on his plate. Peter was grimacing slightly but continued to silently nod along with whatever James was saying. So Sirius kept his mouth shut as well, assuming it must be a relatively common sight that he’d simply missed before, stuck as he was for so long in Grimmauld Place. Still, the anger had started to spark in his chest, and he claimed exhaustion as soon as the others were finished eating, unable to finish his own meal.
Sirius seethed the whole walk home. James and Peter didn’t seem to notice, playing a rather ridiculous game of tag that slowed down their pace considerably. Remus gave him a few concerned looks but didn’t say a word. Sirius didn’t even entirely know what he would say to any of them if they were to start asking about it.
It wasn’t the men that had bothered him. On the contrary, he felt as if they were the only two people in the world that hadn’t been actively lying to him his entire life. Men and women could be romantically involved. That’s all anyone had told him, all he’d ever seen. So far, Sirius hadn’t much understood the fuss over girls, but he knew there could be a multitude of reasons for that.
Perhaps he wasn’t old enough. Perhaps the promise of an incestous marriage one day had rightfully put him off the idea entirely. Perhaps his subconscious knew there was no real point in being interested, since he’d have no choice in his bride anyway. He had excuses for himself and for anyone who asked, and he wasn’t particularly concerned by his own lack of interest. Plenty of people had loveless marriages (his parents were a shining example), and so who really cared if he didn’t find girls particularly attractive? It was what it was.
But seeing those two blokes, knowing that had been an option all this time, Sirius had never been more infuriated. Because he knew, as soon as he saw that lovely kiss, that that was what he’d been missing. That was what he wanted. If that was a possibility, there was no way he’d let himself be shoved into some ridiculous marriage with a woman he could barely stand, let alone love. And no one had told him.
He stomped up to his guest bedroom and slammed the door as soon as the four of them made it back. He didn’t know what he’d say to them, but he definitely wanted them to know how upset he was. His rationality had left him, and he felt they absolutely deserved to be punished for keeping this from him. They should know what they’d done.
There was a knock on his door, just as the fury in him was reaching a peak and his wand hand was twitching to cause destruction. He ripped the door open and found himself face to face with a wide-eyed James Potter.
“Godric, you alright there, mate?” James asked, scanning his eyes over what Sirius assumed was his rather manic expression.
“No James, I’m not bloody alright.” Sirius growled.
Looking uneasy, James slipped into the room and perched himself on the bed. “What’s wrong?” He asked, obviously worried.
“Were any of you ever going to tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“That men snog each other, for Merlin’s sake. I mean, how did I not know?”
James frowned. “You didn’t know?”
“No!” Of course he hadn’t known. Why would he have wasted so many years if he had?
“Oh.” James said, swallowing loudly and shifting on the bed. “Well it’s not really something people talk about much. Obviously.”
“Why not?!”
“What’s brought this on, Pads? You seemed fine earlier.”
“There were two blokes at the pub, and they were… they were together I think.” Was together the right word? Sirius didn’t know what else it could have been.
“Right. Well yeah, it happens sometimes. Not usually in public though, that was rather thick of them. People don’t talk about it much because it’s not exactly a nice topic, is it?”
“What?”
“I mean you saw it then; it’s pretty gross.”
Gross had been the furthest thing from Sirius’ thoughts.
“So everyone just pretends it doesn’t happen?” He balked.
James shrugged. “As much as they can, usually. Some people get pretty loud about being against it or for it, but most people tune it out a bit I think. I guess people should do whatever they feel like, but it’s not like it’s going to be acceptable to just show it off. It’s not normal, you know? So yeah, it’s easiest to just ignore it most often.”
Sirius simply stared, more lost than ever. He’d expected James to be apologetic when he realized what he was rightfully angry about. He’d expected to be allowed to yell, and for James to assure him they all simply hadn’t thought to tell him. Or that it was some sort of prank. He hadn’t expected James to be so nonchalant, so… whatever he was being.
“Merlin, you’re not interested in that sort of thing, are you?” James whispered, breaking Sirius from his confused thoughts.
What was Sirius supposed to say to that, after James had just explained that it was abnormal, that it was gross? That he’d found it beautiful? That he hadn’t thought about it once before, but now he was absolutely sure he was definitely interested in that sort of thing? He couldn’t.
He shook his head. “No, of course not. I just never knew.”
“Right. Glad to be of help then. We’re playing Snap in the living room, come down whenever you feel like, yeah?”
Sirius gulped, nodding. “Be down soon.” He croaked. His throat was feeling suspiciously tight and his anger hadn’t quite died down.
As soon as the door shut behind James, Sirius face-planted onto his bed, screaming into the pillow until his screams became choked sobs.