Chapter Text
(Chapter written by KitKatKatieKat and reposted with her permission)
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Himari thought she'd known fear. She thought she'd be used to the sinking feeling of dread always weighing down in her stomach. She thought losing her son to a storm, to a destiny, to a madman , would've taught her enough about terror.
But it seems, like always, Sora is the one thing that can tear her foundations to the ground.
That cursed witch did a number on him, and Himari wishes, not for the first time, that she could go back to that castle and punch her again. But, as much as Himari hates to admit it, that's not what Sora needs right now.
The two of them sit huddled in a darkened cave, shielding them from the pouring rain as well as Maleficent's lurking minions. Despite their shelter, both Himari and Sora are soaked to the bone. And as freezing as that makes them, Himari doesn't dare light a fire. A mistake like that could easily lead to her son's recapture.
And her son can not survive another second with that woman.
He lay with his head in her lap, unconscious, dead to the world. Himari refuses to look at him for long, not because she fears the half-monstrous form her son has been forced into, but because she can't bear to see how skinny he's gotten. Her heart can't take seeing her sweet, innocent child, reduced to a bruised and bloody shadow of his former self.
So instead of looking at him, Himari just runs her fingers through his dirty hair, untangling knots and picking out dirt like he's five again, like he's been out playing in the yard instead of held prisoner by a monster. She pretends that Sora is sleeping because he's tired and not because his body has given out.
She pretends that everything is fine. Because if she doesn't... she'll break down. And then Sora will have no one to count on if- no, when he wakes up.
But even Himari has limits. And if the past two weeks hadn't surpassed them, then she doesn't know what would. As carefully as she can, Himari moves Sora's head off of her lap. He doesn't stir. After ensuring that her son is lying comfortably, Himari makes her way to the mouth of the cave.
Finally, the rain has let up, parting the clouds and allowing the moon to shine down. And it is the moon's light alone that sees the tears begin to drip down Himari's face.
"Oh, Tsuki..." She whispers, nearly falling to her knees with the effort it takes not to sob, "I... I don't know what to do. I can't protect him. I'm not... I'm not strong enough."
With that murmured confession, Himari fails to contain a choked wail. It's true. She can't protect him. These forces that her son is up against are just too much for her to handle. Any second now, Maleficent could find them. And even if he were awake, Himari knows Sora wouldn't have the strength to make a portal out of here, let alone use it.
Feelings of uselessness stab at Himari's heart, wrenching yet another cry from her lips. She looks back at her son, fearing that she had woken him up, but he sleeps on. She'd think him dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of his chest. His skin, blackened and pale all at once, is coated with a sheen of sweat. Himari stares at him; at the claws, the feet, the pain that she couldn't save him from.
And she knows what she has to do.
She allows herself a moment to kiss Sora's sleeping forehead, a small, unacceptable apology for what she's about to do. Then, she steps outside the cave and cups her hands around her mouth.
"Xehanort!" She calls into the surrounding woods, not as loudly as she could, still acutely aware of Sora sleeping. "I know you're out there! Come here, I need to talk with you!"
Himari knows she's betraying Sora's trust, hell, she's betraying her own convictions. But Sora needs help, something that Himari sadly can't provide in this case.
A few moments of silence pass without a trace of the white-haired young man. Himari cups her hands again, prepared to try this as many times as it takes. But then she hears a voice from behind her. Inside the cave.
"You called?" Young Xehanort says, standing above Sora like a cat to a mouse. Himari instantly bristles, her maternal instincts screaming at her to grab Sora and run. She ignores them.
"Yes. I need you to stop this."
Xehanort's eyes narrow. "You must be more specific. I hope you don't mean recruiting Sora to our Organization-"
"No." Himari cuts him off. She knows that nothing she can say could ever convince Xehanort to leave her son alone. No, her plea is a different one. "You need to stop his suffering. I... I can't help him anymore. Mal-... that woman tortured him... for two weeks and I couldn't... I couldn't do anything."
The words feel like acid coming out of her throat, asking the man who'd caused all of this for help, but Himari knows that she has no choice. Sora has no choice. "I need you to take him in. Completely. Feed him and let him sleep. And just... don't hurt him anymore. He's already been through enough."
For a few moments, Xehanort says nothing, watching her with an indiscernible expression. It’s almost as if he’s studying her, scrutinizing every last detail and formulating the best course of action. In this moment, Himari feels less like a distraught parent and more like a bug under a microscope.
But then, the moment passes, and suddenly Xehanort smirks. He reaches for Sora, as if to pick him up-
"Wait-" Himari blurts, instinctively. She can’t stop herself. So long spent on the run has made her jumpy, used to pulling Sora out of any danger that comes towards him. And seeing a member of the Organization reach for him… set her off, it seems.
Young Xehanort shoots her an infuriating, knowing look.
"Your words say one thing, but your actions say another. What do you really want, Himari?" He asks, backing away from Sora once more. Himari lets out a shameful breath of relief. In her head, she’d expected letting go to be easier than this. But she should’ve known better. Even if the Organization can finally protect him, even if they can provide much needed food and rest, even if the best thing she can do for her son is give him up… Himari can’t deny that she’s struggling to do so.
But still, she steels herself, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I want my son to be happy! But... I know that he'd never be happy with you. At the very least... I don't want him to suffer anymore. That's why I'm asking... no, I'm begging you to take care of him. Do for him what I can't." She chokes out, and now the tears are flowing freely. "Please!"
It took all of her pride, all of her pain, but she did it. Now all she can do is wait for Xehanort to take her son and pray that he allows her to say one final goodbye when Sora wakes up.
Except Xehanort doesn’t move.
"I'm afraid that I can't do that." He replies, coolly, clearly indifferent to Himari’s heartfelt plea. His words are like a blade piercing her heart, and she cannot help but lash out.
"Why not!?" She cries. Xehanort stares at her with that same, calculating glare.
"Because joining Organization 13 isn't a decision that Sora's mother can make for him. He has to obey his Master of his own volition." He replies, speaking slowly and clearly as if explaining something to a child. "That's why we haven't imprisoned him like the witch. This is something that needs to be Sora's choice."
"Like you're giving him a choice!" Himari yells before she can stop to wonder if it’s a good idea. All of her anger, her regret, her grief that she’s been pushing down for Sora’s sake comes rushing to the surface. Suddenly, Himari cares less about convincing Xehanort, and more about giving him a piece of her mind. "You've ruined his every chance of ever having a normal life! You chased him away from his friends, his home. You've kept him awake with horrific nightmares! And you call that a choice!?" Himari’s voice breaks when another thought comes to mind, the memory of what Sora told her not so long ago. "He tried to kill-... he tried to use the Key to Return Hearts because of you!"
She’s sobbing, grieving for her child that’s been through so much pain, who felt so hopeless that he would try to end it all by any means necessary. But her grief quickly turns to rage as she glares at the man responsible. "How dare you act like any of this was Sora's choice, you... you-"
Her words are halted in her mouth, Young Xehanort’s Keyblade at her throat.
"Careful. Your yelling might wake Sora." He warns, a cruel smirk painted on his face. His gaze dares Himari to speak, and as much as she wants to, her own terror keeps her silent. The edge of a Keyblade heralds death just inches from her neck.
Xehanort must sense her fear, or he can just see it written all over her face. Either way, he takes advantage of it, smile widening.
"You know, I could always take you . Let you stay in the castle dungeons for a bit while Sora continues on his journey alone." He muses, and Himari can’t help but imagine it. She sees herself withering away in a cell while her son does the same, worlds away, out of reach. The thought is terrifying on its own, made more so by the very real possibility that it could become a reality. Xehanort adjusts his grip on his blade and pushes it forward, forcing Himari to back into the cave wall. Nowhere to go.
"I wonder how he'd react, waking up to find you gone? I bet he'd think his poor sweet mother wandered off and got captured by Maleficent's henchmen. Or better yet, maybe he'd think that you left him on purpose because of his hideous new appearance?"
Himari grinds her teeth, "I would never-"
" Never forget that you are by his side because the Master allows it. I could've stopped you that day on the Island when you foolishly dove after him into the portal. But I didn't. Wanna know why?" Xehanort pauses, as if he expects Himari to actually respond. She doesn't, but that doesn't seem to throw him off. He just smirks, "Because Sora is going to slip up. He's going to lose control. And when that happens, it's only a matter of time before you find a magical spike embedded in your chest."
As if to emphasize his point, Xehanort lets his blade fall from Himari's neck to her chest, before letting it dissipate all together.
"And after Sora accidentally kills his own mother? He'll have nowhere to go but to his real family, one that is far better suited to protect him than you ever will be."
A pregnant pause overtakes the cave; the only sound is Sora's labored breaths. His lungs are whistling, a sure sign of illness. Himari glares into Xehanort's golden eyes, searching for any hint of bluff. But all she finds is cold amusement.
Himari wants so badly to scream, to cry and say 'no, you're wrong!' She wishes that she had the power to make him eat his words. But she knows, above all else, that if she wants to help Sora, then she needs to swallow her rage. She can't beat Xehanort in a battle of wits, nor a battle of brawn. So really, there's only one option left. A battle of hearts.
"I know what you're trying to do." She murmurs after what feels like forever. Xehanort tilts his head, feigning ignorance. "You're trying to get under my skin- to manipulate me like you've manipulated my son."
At that moment, a fiery confidence overtakes Himari, the power of a mother’s love. She takes a forceful step forward, reclaiming the ground she’d lost. Her face is now inches from Xehanort’s glare.
"But it's not going to work. So I'll ask you again: Please take care of Sora." Her voice is unwavering, something that young Xehanort seems to find particularly distasteful. For once, his cat-like smirk falls.
"I am not fond of repeating myself. The answer is no. Not until he finds the last two Keys."
Himari swallows thickly, time for a gamble. "If you won't do it, then I'll convince him to go back to the Lights."
It’s not an empty threat. Himari has thus far respected Sora’s wish to remain unaffiliated with both the Lights and the Darks, but now, after all that’s happened, Himari knows it’s time to pick a side. Running from this, from everything… it’s killing her son. As much as she knows he will hate her for this, Himari’s mind is made up. Either the Organization takes care of Sora, or the Lights do. And inwardly, Himari wonders if the Lights are as bent on capturing Sora as he seems to think. She can’t imagine that they would turn on him over night, especially not Riku and Kairi. Something about the whole situation doesn’t sit right.
That being said, Himari doubts that the Organization would let her get to the Lights without a fight. Right now, unfortunately, the Darkness is her best bet… is Sora’s best bet. So she stands her ground, threatens Xehanort with the Light. And oh, how he glares at her.
"Good luck with that.” He spits, “He'd never-" Xehanort is interrupted by a groan at his feet. He looks down to see Sora crumpled on the cave floor, eyes cracked open and mostly unseeing.
"M… Mast..er?" He mumbles, and Himari feels a stab of pain that Sora called out for Xehanort and not her.
Xehanort, on the other hand, appears delighted.
" Go back to sleep , Number Thirteen." He commands, "The grown-ups are talking." And in an instant, Sora's eyes close once more. He falls limp, his breaths evening out. It takes Himari a moment to realize that Xehanort had just forced Sora to sleep using his control over his heart. But when she does realize it, a seething anger sparks up, appalled that this man can control her child so completely.
She probably would have protested if Xehanort weren't already speaking.
"As I was saying, Sora will never go back to the Lights of his own volition. He cannot."
Himari stands her ground. "I am his mother. He'll listen to me. Especially after this." She gestures around, to the cave, the storm, the monstrous form her son has taken, his protruding bones and blood stained skin. She points out the horrific trauma that her son has suffered. Trauma that she couldn't protect him from. And that the Organization chose not to.
"Think of it this way, he's just been through Hell and back. If his… if the Organization abandons him now, he's not going to forget that." Himari finishes. And though he'd never show it, Xehanort knows she's right. That's probably why he doesn't immediately retort. Instead he stands there, silent, watching Himari with that same calculating stare. She can see the gears turning, see him playing out each strategy in his head.
Himari half-expects him to make good on his earlier threat of kidnapping her. But then he sighs, sounding almost… tired?
"You really do care about him, don't you?" He asks, and it's the most sincere Himari has heard him all night. She answers in kind.
"More than anything." She replies. Young Xehanort nods.
"I see. Then I'll make you a deal: I will heal Sora to the best of my ability, give you some provisions to last a few weeks, and provide the two of you safe passage to a world far away from here. How does that sound?"
It sounds like a miracle , and yet that's not what Himari asked for.
"You really won't take him in?" She says, more weary than angry at this point. Xehanort doesn't answer. Clearly the Organization has no intention of taking in Sora until he's found the last two Keys and as much that frustrates Himari, she realizes that it's the best she's ever going to get.
"Fine. But a deal goes two ways. What exactly do you want in return?"
Xehanort smirks, "You're much smarter than your son. It seems he gets his brains, or lack thereof, from his father." He spits, in a way that makes Himari question what exactly this young man has against her husband. The comment itself is strange, and the way he said it is baffling. Himari doesn't get a chance to process it, though.
"In return for the Organization's assistance and protection, you must offer something of equal value. In this case… your heart ."
Himari pales, "Excuse me-"
"Allow me to put a piece of my heart in yours. Then, and only then, will Sora get the help he so desperately needs." Xehanort explains, as if his request is reasonable. A million questions rush through Himari's head all at once, but she latches onto a single one.
"But why would you…" She trails off, unable to even finish the thought. Why would you want me? It doesn't make sense. None of this does, but… if Himari can't comprehend why the Organization wants to control Sora, then she couldn't even begin to contemplate why they would want to control her . She's powerless. Xehanort knows that. It's why she's called him here in the first place. She can't wield a keyblade, can't summon magic to her fingertips. She can't even sense Keys like Sora can.
So why...
"My reasoning is unimportant." Xehanort responds to her unspoken question, pulling Himari back into the moment. "Sora’s life is. Or at least, I'd imagine it is to you."
She can't argue there. A part of Himari's heart is rejoicing, elated that she's finally found a way to help Sora once and for all. But another part, the more sensible part, is rightfully put off. There has to be more to this, something deeper. Even though she can't see it now, Himari can at least try to protect herself. She swallows her horror and plays along.
"I… if this is your angle… what's stopping you from doing it even if I say no?" She asks, and once again Young Xehanort looks impressed by her astuteness.
"Nothing, I suppose. But the game's no fun if I don't offer the other player a fighting chance."
Himari bristles at that. "So this is just a game to you? Me, my son- we're nothing but pawns on a chessboard?" She fumes. At the word 'pawn', Xehanort seems to darken somewhat, as if discovering a bad taste in his mouth.
"Sora is far more than just a lowly pawn. You are a pawn, Himari. That's why you can't protect him. You're simply not strong enough." He chides, closing the distance between the two of them. Once again, his face is mere inches from Himari's own. "But with the Master's help, you can become stronger."
Himari doesn't know what to say. This isn't at all how she expected this conversation to go. And now she's faced with an impossible choice.
Give up her own freedom for her son's safety? Or keep her freedom and risk him falling into danger again? As a mother the answer should be obvious, but it's not. It's like she can hear Sora's voice calling out to her mind, screaming at her to say no. She has to glance at him to make sure it isn't actually real. There he is, still fast asleep on the cave floor, just as his master commanded, but still Himari can hear him, warning her.
If she agrees and young Xehanort doesn't follow through with his end of the deal, what then? As much as Himari loathes to admit it, she really doesn't hold any cards here. Xehanort had already threatened to kidnap her once, and she wouldn't put it past him to go with that plan instead.
Her mind races with options, only to find that she has very few. Say yes and hope for the best, or say no and prepare for the worst.
It hurts to feel so cornered, it hurts to feel so helpless. Himari hadn't felt this way since the day Tsuki didn't come home, and feeling it again, it's almost like greeting an old friend. Back then, she could have given into grief. But she didn't. She could've followed in Tsuki's footsteps and abandoned Sora. But she didn't.
She could've chosen darkness. But she chose light. And she'll choose it again.
With a final glance at Sora, Himari’s mind is made up. "N-"
"I'VE FOUND YOU, MY PET!" With a crash of thunder, an ear-piercing screech wrenches through the night. Himari whips around to see Maleficent, haggard and soaking wet, standing at the mouth of the cave. She's seething, robes in tatters from Himari and Pete's daring escape. One of her horns is chipped.
She's disheveled, insane, and above all: furious.
" YOU!" She howls, pointing a bony finger at Himari. And for a moment, Himari is frozen. All she sees is fire, pain, death, coming for her at record speeds. She's paralyzed, locked in the terrifying realization that she's about to die.
But then she sees his face. In her mind's eye, she sees Sora's face, crying and screaming for help. She sees him chained by his wrists and his neck, trapped in a cell for weeks on end. She sees it happening again, after she's been reduced to dust.
She sees the flash of green, coming for them both.
So she jumps into action, all but throwing herself over Sora's body in an attempt to protect him. She doesn't care anymore, not about her own life, her own freedom. All that matters is keeping her baby safe. With a scream, Himari waits for the fire to engulf her, praying to any higher power listening that Sora be spared.
She waits. And waits. And waits. But the moments pass, a deafening silence overtaking the room. Himari's eyes are screwed shut, and for a moment she wonders if she's already dead. She hadn't felt anything, but maybe the adrenaline saw her through to the end? But no, Himari can still feel Sora pressed underneath her body. She can't be dead, because that would mean that he's dead and… he can't be. Himari won't accept it. So with a hesitant confidence, Himari reasons that neither of them are dead. As much as that baffles her.
Slowly, carefully, Himari opens her eyes and turns around.
There, floating at the mouth of the cave is Maleficent, just as before. Himari has to blink a couple times before she believes what she's seeing. Maleficent isn't moving, but her eyes are. She's looking wildly back and forth while the rest of her body is frozen in midair, surrounded by swirling dark magic.
Frozen in time, Himari realizes, when her attention finally turns to Young Xehanort. He's standing in front of Maleficent, hand out as if he just completed a spell. He whispers something to Maleficent that Himari can't quite make out before flicking one of her horns. Himari flinches just in principle alone.
After he seems satisfied with his gloating, Young Xehanort turns to face Himari once more.
“So, have we got a deal? Or shall I take my leave?”
The threat is obvious. If Xehanort leaves, he takes his spell with him. Maleficent will be let loose on Himari and Sora like a wild dog in a hen house. And Himari won't survive the encounter.
Himari has to wonder if he'd planned this all along.
With a sorrowful sigh, Himari glances at Sora. This time there is no alternative choice. She has to give up everything. She has to choose the dark.
Himari whispers one last apology to Tsuki, to Sora. And she prays that they can forgive her.
“Fine. Deal.”