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Grief was a fickle thing.
Aimsey was never too good at grieving. Her best coping mechanism was travel. Whenever there was something she couldn't process she would just move, pace around or go on a long walk. She would keep moving to distract. The five stages were complicated. Bargaining, depression, denial. There was so much depth and complexity to grief, she could never quite get a handle on how to go about it.
That is how Aimsey landed herself right in the middle of stage 3; bargaining.
“Aimsey!” Someone called out as she stepped through the nether portal, walking into the hot desert and staring at the giant temple made of sandstone in front of her.
Aimsey smiled halfheartedly, attempting to appear a bit more cheerful than she felt today.
“Hey Foolish!” Aimsey called back, picking up her pace to meet the man halfway as he walked towards her.
Aimsey looked up in awe at all of the builds in Foolish’s home. The giant temple, which is apparently called the summer home, the pyramid all the way out in the ocean, the giant field of cacti. Aimsey spun on the spot, whipping her head to look at everything around her. She gazed up at the sky and felt a more genuine grin pull at her lips.
“This place is amazing! Foolish, you built all of this yourself?” Aimsey asked him.
“Yep! All this is mine.” Foolish replied with a proud smirk.
“Here, here! I’ll give you the full tour,” Foolish jumped up excitedly, grabbing Aimsey and dragging her along.
Aimsey listened to every word, both wanting to be a good friend and in awe from the amount of talent Foolish had. He took her around the entire desert. He showed her everything he had built, even taking her out to see the very first thing he built much farther out from his newest home. He pointed out different little memories and items along the way, nothing extravagant or hugely important but they were things Aimsey seemed interested in all the same. Foolish appreciated that. It felt like they already had a genuine friendship with the way Aimsey laughed along and showed so much kindness towards him. He liked Aimsey, Aimsey was kind.
Sand wasn’t something Aimsey thought could ever be beautiful. A beach maybe; but that was in combination with the sun and the ocean. The desert wasn’t really a biome Aimsey ever particularly loved. It was overly hot and the sand always got in your eyes, and if the sand wasn’t the right texture it felt sharp and bothersome. Walking through the sandy terrain towards the entrance to the temple Aimsey decided that had changed.
Seeing the giant building in all its glory in the setting sunlight, torches and sky painting golden rays across the walls and letting them bounce off gracefully. With the sand swirling just slightly around the building, pale sandstone and colourful concrete complementing it’s home nicely, it truly was gorgeous.
While walking in the beaming sun was a hassle and getting sand in the eyes stung a bit, being in the summer home felt like something completely new and different. It felt like the desert had been remade in her head. A once completely negative view was shaped and remolded into something beautiful. Or at least something that could be beautiful if in the right hands.
That’s a nice way to think about life, Aimsey thought.
“That’s everything I think!” Foolish said as the two walked through the temple gates into the home.
Aimsey smiled excitedly and took one last sweeping gaze around the build. They were about to turn back to Foolish when they saw something that hadn’t been covered. They honestly weren’t sure how they had missed it. They stopped and stared at what was probably the tallest build in the entire temple; a giant figure dressed in green robes with a floating gold headpiece shaped like two rings intersecting in an X.
It had giant white wings that now looked golden from the sunlight. It held a giant sword in one hand and had an eye of ender floating in the other. It looked ethereal.
“Holy shit Foolish what is that?” Aimsey asked, breathless.
Foolish looked over confused before his eyes widened, looking back and forth between the statue and Aimsey.
“I uh, I don’t, uhhh” Foolish laughed nervously.
Aimsey looked at him oddly. Was he embarrassed? The statue was incredible. Why would he be embarrassed?
“I um, I don’t know if I can tell you?” Foolish finished, unsure of himself.
“Why would you build a massive statue if you can’t say what it is? Who is it?” Aimsey laughed off, confused with the whole situation.
Foolish panicked, mumbling a bit more gibberish before catching himself and sighing. Maybe he could tell them? He liked Aimsey, a lot. They were kind and really seemed like a good friend so far. They hadn’t been judgmental to anything else about him so far, maybe he could trust them? But even with Aimsey being kind towards it, how would they feel about a stranger knowing?
He looked over at Aimsey, cringing a bit at their confused look. Still not judgmental . He threw the idea back and forth in his head, running through all the possibilities for the consequences of telling Aimsey just who this statue was for. Maybe they wouldn’t be that mad? Maybe it could be a good thing?
Foolish stared up at the statue, looking into the black void beneath the hood before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
“Okay well, bit of a long story. Basically there’s a god on the server. Their name is DreamXD, that’s why that crown lookin thing is shaped like an X. They have a bunch of like special powers and shit.” He rushed out, looking at the ground while he rambled.
Aimsey turned to him in disbelief, an amused smile on their face. Still not judgmental but it was clear they didn’t believe him much.
“Cmon, Foolish. A god? Really? You don’t have to tell me who it is if you don’t want to but if you do you can, I’m not gonna judge. What is it, a friend? Family? An idol?” Aimsey laughed, attempting to express their true sympathy through the giggling.
“No really! They’re the god of the server!” Foolish replied back.
“Okay, okay fine. A god huh? And uh, what exactly does this ‘god’ do?” Aimsey practically teased. Surely if there was a god on the server someone would have told them, especially if Foolish had an entire statue dedicated to them.
“This.” Aimsey felt a looming figure popped behind them with a small woosh as a deep and almost robotic voice rang through their ears.
Aimsey jumped and screamed, wrapping their arms around themself as they barreled backwards into Foolish. They stared at the figure, mouth hanging open in shock. They looked back and forth between the statue and the figure and slowly put together that they were the same. Taking many deep breaths Aimsey continued to stare.
The god cackled loudly, its deep and distorted voice booming through the warm desert night, and Aimsey almost shivered as if the voice could have caused an actual chill.
“Foolish, did I tell you that you could go around parrading me off like some sort of prize?” XD called out loudly.
Foolish jumped before rushing to explain himself, “NO, no! I just, uh, well you see, Aimsey asked about the statue and I mean what was I supposed to say??” he laughed nervously.
XD hummed, as if they had to decide whether or not the response was acceptable. Aimsey had finally closed his mouth when the god looked at him (or at least he assumed they were looking, they didn’t really seem to have any eyes. Or face.). They seemingly stared for a while, tilting their head to study him. It felt terrifying. The void beneath the hood seemed to peer right into his soul.
“Fine, fine. I guess.” XD shrugged, floating over to where Foolish and Aimsey were standing. He glided behind Foolish’s back and placed a hand on his shoulder. Aimsey turned around to look at the two.
“Well, I have business to attend to. Leave, mortal.” XD huffed.
“I’m sorry what?” Aimsey asked incredulously.
“LEAVE!” The god shouted, leaning forward over Foolish’s shoulder to get in Aimsey’s face.
He stumbled backwards, looking towards Foolish for help. Foolish himself seemed a bit lost on what to do. He looked between XD and Aimsey for a few moments before looking at Aimsey sadly.
“It’s fine Aimsey, I think you should go. I’ll talk to you later though! I promise!” Foolish called out to him.
Aimsey looked at him puzzled before ultimately turning around and walking back towards the nether portal that he had entered through. He glanced back and watched Foolish talk loudly to the floating god, the dark sky and moonlight making their figure much more cryptic than before. Aimsey shook his head and stepped through the portal, going from the cooling night in the desert to the hot environment of the nether.
Weird day , he decided. Weird day.
The next day, Aimsey walked down the path leading away from her cafe in tears. She rubbed furiously at them as she walked. She didn’t really comprehend it but truly she was practically sprinting. She ran and ran and ran for what seemed like ages, she just kept running. She couldn’t stop. She was looking, searching, for anything really. Anything to distract or maybe even explain her situation, she was confused. She was hurting and confused and running.
She ran past the community house, Tommy sat on top of the roof and looked at her strange when she passed. She didn’t notice. Tommy wondered if he should try to stop her, say something, but she was already gone and they hadn’t spoken much. He vaguely wondered if she was gonna be alright before pushing it down and looking back at the ground.
She ran past spawn, she wouldn’t stop running.
Everything was so loud. The world was loud, her thoughts were loud, her footsteps were loud, her tears were loud. Everything felt loud and busy. Her breathing was heavy and frantic but the last thing she wanted to do was stop. She felt like she just couldn’t stop.
Then she did.
Suddenly her knees became weak and her thoughts caught up to her.
All at once she couldn’t breathe. She went from breathing too much to breathing too little. She fell to the ground and clutched her head, willing it to just shut down. It didn’t work. She sat in the grass of an open field on her knees holding her head and sobbing. She had no idea where she was or how she was going to get back.
Eventually it went numb. Both confused and grateful for the sudden break in emotion she slowly unraveled herself and took a deep breath. In and out. The voice in her head telling her this made her cringe, physically wincing at the memory.
“Just in and out. In for four, hold for four, out for eight.” Bear told her softly as he held her hands. “Just in and out.”
No matter how painful the moment was to relive, she took the advice.
In for four, hold for four, out for eight.
With one last breath she looked up into the field she sat in as everything came back to her.
Death wasn’t permanent.
Aimsey just died. Some guy she had never met before had come along and started to accuse her of living in his house. Some guy she had never met before came along and took her belongings before threatening her. Some guy she had never met before came along and pushed her off a bridge. This guy named Tubbo was teleported out before he could hear the splat her body made when it hit the ground.
Yet she was still standing.
She remembered falling and falling before hitting the ground, she remembered it all being taken away from her in one big hit, she remembered the cut to black and the blinding pain. Then she remembered breathing. She remembered sitting back up in bed in her tree house. She remembered vaguely about talking to Ran, having him reveal that he was a ghost, that no one had tried to revive him yet.
Revival. Is that what happened to her?
There was a slight pain in her legs as she moved, she assumed that was an after effect of literally falling off a bridge. Nothing made sense anymore. When you die, you die. So why in god’s name was she still here?
“Yes?”
Aimsey screamed, once again wrapping her arms around herself and jumping backwards like she did the other day with Foolish. She came face to face with the floating god themself, the same gorgeous green robes and hood surrounded by the hovering gold headpiece. Why were they…
Why in god’s name was she still here?
Oh.
“Well? What is it? You’re lucky I even answered, I rarely do that, I was feeling generous today.” DreamXD rushed her, flapping their arms impatiently.
“Oh uh. I didn’t- I didn’t really mean to, bring you here? I’m sorry, I’m not used to there actually being a god at all.” Aimsey looked at his feet as he spoke, fiddling with his hands.
The god seemed to gawk at him, looking almost stunted.
“I so graciously answered your call, bringing myself all the way out here for an ‘accident’?” XD dramatically huffed, yelling at Aimsey and turning away, seemingly about to leave him.
“WAIT!” Aimsey yelled out, surprising even himself.
XD groaned in annoyance and turned back around, impatiently gesturing to Aimsey to hurry up with whatever he was going to say. He paused, not really sure what he was going to say.
“I uh, I. I. umm.” Aimsey stuttered.
“Spit it out!” XD yelled at him.
“I died today!” Aimsey yelled back in frustration, his arms moving to emphasize the claim.
XD groaned again, annoyed with their time being wasted on such a little thing. “So?” they asked, bored.
“Why does everyone keep saying that? DEATH. DEAD. I DIED. Yet I’m still standing here, since when is death not permanent? Why am I still here?” Aimsey cried out, falling back to his knees on the grass.
“Did you want to die?” XD asked.
“No!” Aimsey yelled.
“Then why are you complaining?” XD replied sharply.
Aimsey shook his head and groaned, tilting his head towards the sky before back to the god.
“I’m not complaining, I'm just, I’m just confused.” Aimsey mumbled helplessly.
He moved to sit more comfortably on the grass, crossing his legs and resting his head in his hands.
XD gave a sharp sigh and moved closer to Aimsey, they hovered a bit closer to the ground to come face to face with him. Most times they would have left by now, most times they would have simply deemed this unworthy of their time and disappeared, but there was something drawing them in. It was too difficult to tell right now, Aimseys thoughts were too scattered, but there was something in there that might be worthy of XD’s time. There might be something in this for them.
“Look,” XD started. “Everyone here has three lives, I made it this way so people wouldn’t die off as quickly. No fun when all your little toys are gone.” They chuckled sinisterly.
Aimsey gave an appalled look to that but nodded anyway to show he understood.
“You died today, so you lost one life. Simple. You have two more.” XD finished.
Aimsey took a minute to process this, thoughts reeling. XD studied him, watching the way his eyes flickered around and how his thoughts raced so quickly.
“So, when you die three times, you’re dead?” Aimsey asked hesitantly.
“Exactly.” XD replied.
The god waited for a moment, waited for the human to ask something else. Waited for him to be useful at all. When there was nothing they huffed and turned to leave.
“What,” Aimsey started, still looking at the ground. “What is death like? I talked to Ranboo about being a ghost but, what is it like for the part that used to be alive?”
XD stopped. It had been a long time since someone had truly asked about the nature of death. With Dream was more focused on revival and Foolish wanting to avoid death all together, there really hasn’t been anyone who was curious about what it was like to enter limbo.
“Well, every person has their own limbo. A sort of afterlife. It’s predominantly based on their worst fears and darkest thoughts. They stay trapped there for the rest of eternity!” XD replied cheerfully with their back still turned, finding the subject a lighthearted conversation.
Aimsey stared at the god in horror. A limbo based on ones worst fears. The afterlife catered to everyone but in the most terrifying way. Was that really where everyone went?
A large wave of guilt and grief went through him, shuddering as he held back his tears. His hands began to shake while his thoughts continued to race.
“And the only way to get someone out of there is revival? Tell me more about revival.” Aimsey demanded weakly.
XD chuckled at the attempt, listening as Aimsey cleared his throat midway through the sentence.
“What, you wanna revive dear old Ranboo? He’s been in there for a long time. Might be a lost cause.” XD replied mockingly.
Another wave of guilt passed through Aimsey as he shook his head lightly. He paused. Should he really suggest this? He shouldn’t, right? But if they were truly in that sort of limbo, they would want to be set free, right?
“I was actually, uh, I was actually thinking of someone from another server?” Aimsey eventually said, unsure of himself.
XD whipped around and stared at him. Ding Ding Ding. They stared at Aimsey, peering right through him. This is where XD could gain something for themself.
“Oh? And who might that be?” Aimsey couldn’t tell what it was but the change in tone sounded sadistic, as if beneath the hood the god was grinning wickedly.
It sent a chill down his spine, and that was enough to make him hesitate despite his desperation. XD saw this and continued.
“Oh come on. You have someone, presumably a loved one, from your past who is in pain. This person is being tortured every wasting day in their limbo. Did you know time moves faster there? Feels like hell.” XD pushed.
Aimsey shuddered. Guilt and guilt swarmed around Aimsey, it felt suffocating. They should have saved her, they should have done something to help her instead of fighting. Maybe it was their fault that they abandoned her. They should have stayed. It’s all their fault, Guqqie is now suffering. Aimsey should do whatever to help while they still can, right?
“And you’d just do that? For me? For them? You don’t seem that generous despite your claims today.” Aimsey was hesitant still.
“Well, I don’t know about that. I think we could strike some sort of deal.” XD skirted around the subject, drawing out their sentence in a higher voice.
“What kind of deal?” Aimsey replied immediately.
“Everyone left. Like you did.”
“YOU LEFT ME!”
“Nobody asked you to stay,”
“Nobody asked you to leave, I asked you to stay!”
“I knocked on your door so many times! I bet since you left you’ve not thought once about me.”
“I had nowhere else to go!”
“You can stay and die inside like I have.”
Aimsey woke with a start, sweat and tears mingling together and dripping down her face. A sob ripped its way through her chest as she clutched herself. She fell back against her mattress and curled in on herself, sobbing into the bed. She covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to gain control of herself.
in and out.
The memory stung so harsh. Once again, after all this time, it still worked. With a heavy heart Aimsey let Bear’s voice guide her to a sense of calm breath but aching soul. The tears eventually dried and the ragged breaths evened out with time. Aimsey laid awake, still curled onto her side, with wide eyes and shaking hands.
She wiped at her eyes and sat up slowly on the bed, looking out into the stars. The sky was still midnight blue and the stars shone just as bright as they always do. Nothing was out of place but Aimsey still felt so wrong. So hurt, so guilty, so much longing. Over her months and months of travelling and eventually finding the DreamSMP she learned one thing she wished she hadn’t, she longed for Guqqie more than anything.
She missed how it used to be. She knew she would never get it back, no matter what kind of deals she struck or how hard she tried, but she missed it nonetheless. She longed for Guqqie’s presence. For the way Aimsey would do her hair, the way Guqqie would collect little items and rocks for her to keep, the way Guqqie loved her unconditionally even if she didn’t express it through those words. She missed Guqqie’s life.
In the peak of the BearSMP, when everyone was happy, Guqqie was such a joy to be around. She was bubbly and kind, she was awkward but so was Aimsey and they fit together perfectly. When Aimsey first left she didn’t regret leaving, she didn’t regret prioritizing herself and going out. Now that her leave had such a consequence, she thinks differently. Leaving cost her Guqqie’s life and friendship.
Aimsey slowly climbed out of her bed, pulling the blankets that clung to her legs off and tossing them to the side. They climbed down the ladder to the treehouse, walking out toward the café they built a few weeks ago. Their hands continued to shake as they walked past it and down the hill a bit. They stopped at a specific area in the hill and dug a few dirt blocks out of the ground.
They fell to their knees, looking at the pink tulip they planted next to a sign labeled G. More tears fell as they stared at the potted flower that had surprisingly yet to wither.
Why did they leave?
Maybe if they stayed Guqqie would still be alive. Guqqie is suffering right now and it’s all their fault. They should have come back sooner, should have said something different, should have been different. Aimsey did everything wrong and now Guqqie is gone. Guqqie’s gone and there’s nothing they can do but cry.
“Have you thought about my deal?” The distorted voice of DreamXD asked as they wooshed in behind Aimsey, resting their head on their hand like a taunt.
Well. There is one thing he could do.
Memories of yesterday’s conversation with the god came back to him at once. The description of XD’s deal flooded his mind, consuming him and mixing with his deep guilt and desperation. Suddenly what was once faced with hesitation was now faced with the utmost confidence.
“I have. I’ll take it.” Aimsey said quickly after, shakily rising to his feet and turning to face XD.
The god seemed to light up gleefully at the response. They spun on the spot and spawned in whatever materials they desired. The one that concerned Aimsey the most did have to be the giant netherite sword they clutched, decked out with the highest enchantments. There seemed to be something ethereal about the sword. Otherworldly. It was gorgeous and terrifying all at once. Aimsey didn’t want to think about what it was going to be used for.
XD grabbed him and shoved him onto the ground by Guqqie’s flower. They started scoring patterns into the grass in front of him with the sword. They mumbled sharply under their breath as they marked strange symbols into the ground. Aimsey breathed sharply and watched with frantic eyes as the god did their work.
“What’s about to happen?” Aimsey asked shakily.
He was desperate and full of guilt, at this point he would do anything to reverse what he did with Guqqie, yet the regret of this impulsive decision was quickly catching up to him.
XD looked up from the ground as they finished marking the soil.
“Oh don’t worry about that. A simple trade! Just as we said, a life for a life. Guqqie gets to come back and I keep everything in balance.” XD seemed too excited, almost smug with the whole ordeal. Aimsey pushed it aside anyway.
“So, any last words?” XD asked wickedly.
Yesterday when Aimsey died for the first time she had everything flash in front of her, all her regrets and dreams and friends, but now her mind was blank. She shook her head slowly after a minute. The god seemed to grin. They took the sword they carried and raised it high. Aimsey flinched harshly and closed her eyes, she willed her body to relax a bit as she waited for the god to strike.
Her body shook in fear as she waited. XD swung the sword and slashed from her left shoulder to right hip. Aimsey’s head fell back and her back arched while she screamed in pain. She waited and waited for it to be over but it never came. XD had to take both of her remaining lives, not just one. Tears streamed down her face as she laid in the grass, she didn’t dare open her eyes. XD took a second swing, this time slashing from the right shoulder to left hip. Aimsey wouldn’t know it but XD had just marked an X into her body.
The cuts shone a bright gold light as Aimsey writhed in pain. Her back arched higher as she screamed loudly. The symbols on the ground in front of her glowed the same gold. XD tilted their head back and revelled in the power.
“To trade your life I would need to kill you, obviously. While I do that you would need to think of the person that you want revived, think of this Guqqie.”
Aimsey remembered from the previous day’s discussion. Guqqie. Aimsey went through each memory she had of Guqqie, all the good and the bad, focused on nothing but the pain she felt and Guqqie. She screamed and screamed, it hurt so bad, every piece of her felt like it was burning and turning to ash. She felt like her body was on fire, glowing orange and blazing heat. She screamed and cried and cried and-
It stopped.
Aimsey laid exhausted, just barely aware that everything had stopped. The pain, the memories, her own screams, her own tears, the distorted laughter she just barely heard in the background. All of it was gone. Everything stopped. Only cool air and silence remained.
A few new tears of relief spilled down Aimsey’s face. She did it. Guqqie would get to live with no more suffering. She finally did something right for her. Aimsey’s whole body continued to shake as everything crashed over her, every emotion you could possibly think of all at once consumed her, yet she felt free. Everything felt okay .
“Aimsey?” Someone whispered, just barely audible, from above her.
Aimsey’s eyes snapped open and she stared upwards at the person above her. They were standing a good distance away, hands covering their mouth and eyes wide with horror.
“Guqqie.” Aimsey whispered back.
Aimsey jumped upwards, ignoring the phantom pain she felt across her body and hurtled towards them. Guqqie jumped backwards away from her. Aimsey stumbled and looked at them strangely.
“Guqqie?” Aimsey whispered again in shock.
“Aimsey what,” Guqqie swallowed harshly, eyes drifting to the ground before back up to her. “What are you doing here?”
Guqqie looked the same as they did the day they died, Aimsey wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it wasn’t that. They still had their dull and matted hair, harsh eye bags, bruises everywhere, half an arm. Aimsey flinched just looking at the blood stained bandage wrapped around it. The sight of them made Aimsey feel sick. It made her think of everything she had done wrong in her time with Guqqie.
“That’s uh, a bit of a long story.” Aimsey muttered in response.
Guqqie looked her up and down, hands now resting by their side yet still shaking. They shuddered a moment before speaking again.
“Well, I think I’ve got time.” They said coolly.
Aimsey stared blankly, she hadn’t really thought this far ahead. How are you supposed to explain you just traded your life for theirs and that they were about to be brought back to life?
Aimsey’s eyes darted, staring at anything but Guqqie. It was then she noticed her surroundings. They were standing on a platform in some kind of dark hallway. The long halls were made of purple brick and had a few hanging lights on the ceiling. There were windows but they only showed a pitch black sky, it was dimly lit and cold. Aimsey turned around only to find the exact same hallway behind her, it looked as if it never ended.
“Doesn’t go anywhere.” Guqqie told her, like they knew exactly what she was thinking.
“Tried. Just goes on forever.” They continued.
“Does it scare you?” Aimsey asked, remember DreamXD’s story of how the afterlife was based on fear.
“Sometimes. It’s lonely. Except when it’s not.” Guqqie answered honestly.
Aimsey's eyes snapped to theirs in an instant, hesitantly stepping closer towards them.
“What do you mean when it’s not?” Aimsey asked urgently.
Guqqie waved them off calmly, turning to walk down the halls. Aimsey followed quickly after. After a few impatient moments she went to question Guqqie further but they cut her off.
“Do you feel it?” Guqqie asked her.
Aimsey paused and searched for something, whatever she was supposed to 'feel' right now. When she couldn't figure it out she shook her head silently, incredibly confused. Guqqie nodded, unbothered by this, and gestured for Aimsey to continue walking with them. Aimsey walked by their side with a frustrated groan. She was sure she was on limited time here, the deal was Aimsey dies and Guqqie lives, XD wouldn’t just leave both of them here. While Aimsey knew the god didn’t care for her she also knew that they were gaining something from the deal and that they gain nothing from Aimsey’s death alone. It was only a matter of time before Guqqie was revived, she couldn’t let them go without an explanation.
Aimsey looked over her shoulder, a chill racing through her. She kept walking with Guqqie as she stared behind herself. She couldn’t shake the feeling someone was staring at her, the kind of feeling you get when you’re alone in the dark and your thoughts start to creep up on you. She shuddered and turned back to find Guqqie staring at her intently.
“You feel it?” Guqqie asked again.
Suddenly Aimsey understood what Guqqie meant by not being alone.
“There’s no one there, checked as much as I could, just feels like there is when you walk.” Guqqie explained.
Aimsey shuddered at the explanation and shook her hands out in an attempt to wring out some of the anxiety.
“And you’re just-“ Aimsey was cut off.
“Okay with that?” Guqqie finished for her. Aimsey nodded and Guqqie gave a sad smile. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
Aimsey froze. Right, the reason she was here. She stopped walking, standing in the middle of the long hallway. Guqqie turned to her. You could watch the realization come to their face as they quickly caught on to why Aimsey was here in the first place.
“Aimsey.” Guqqie said, Aimsey flinched.
It wasn’t like how they said her name before, this was accusatory and cold.
“Look, Guqqie. About that…” Aimsey trailed off in an attempt to recollect her thoughts.
She had one moment to get her shit together, she had one shot to do this right and she couldn’t fuck it up. Guqqie looked at her expectantly, it was harsh and unwavering. Nothing like how she was before.
Before Aimsey could think of what to say next the entire hallway shook. The walls shook and debris fell from the cracks, the lights swung violently, some smashing into the walls and shattering. The sky outside the windows was no longer pitch black, neither of them would notice but it was slowly turning to a light shade of pink and orange.
“What the hell is happening?!” Guqqie yelled out to her.
“I, I don’t know!” Aimsey yelled back.
All the time XD gave them to reconcile and it still wasn’t enough. They never had enough time. Doomed in every universe Aimsey and Guqqie would be. Never together, forever apart. For better or for worse, the two would never see peace with one another.
Guqqie grabbed hold of the wall the the left of them and steadied themself as the entire room shook. They waited anxiously, clutching the wall for a few moments before it stopped. Aimsey blew her hair out of her face and looked towards Guqqie, they raised an eyebrow expectantly. She sighed and attempted to roll the tension out of her shoulders for a minute.
“So, uh, haha..” Aimsey stammered, nervously scratching at the back of her neck.
“Aimsey.” Guqqie cut them off coolly.
Aimsey flinched and swallowed harshly. She gathered her thoughts and took a deep breath in. She could do this. She could definitely explain the unexplainable, right? Yeah. Totally.
Guqqie glanced at her impatiently. This only added to nerves winding up her stomach, knotting together in an almost painful mix of emotion.
“Right.” Aimsey started. “So, obviously I’m here, and you’re here, so that means we’re dead. In the BearSMP we thought death was permanent, one life and you’re done. After you, well… yeah, after that I found somewhere new. I don’t mean it like that! I just, it was a while after you were gone, I needed somewhere else to go. I found a new place and met some weird people, good people but weird. Turns out death isn’t all that permanent in their world. You can bring people back, I still don’t totally understand how but it’s possible! Haha..” She rambled on nervously.
Guqqie slowly started to realize the direction this was going and looked at her in horror, eyes wide and hands clenching into tight fists to ease the nerves.
“Aimsey what did you do? What’s happening?” Guqqie asked as the hallway began to shake again, more debris crumbling onto them.
“AIMSEY!” Guqqie called out frantically, clinging to the wall.
“I MADE A DEAL! I made a deal with someone, I felt guilty over how things ended. I couldn't take it anymore.” Aimsey yelled back over the loud noise the shaking hallway emitted, just as frantic.
“You what?” Guqqie yelled back.
“Revival! Someone told me about the afterlife and how much it sucks, I couldn’t just sit and do nothing, okay. I needed to get you out. I already fucked up your life enough I couldn't let your afterlife screw you over as well!”
“What the hell?” Guqqie recoiled in horror.
Aimsey opened her mouth to explain further but a loud cackling cut her off. The pair looked around the hallway but saw no one. The hall gave a particularly rough rumble, sending them both flying. They crashed to the ground separated from each other.
“See, Aimsey, you really shouldn’t be so blind in your trust.” XD’s distorted and chilling voice called out from seemingly nowhere.
Aimsey pushed herself off the ground and looked around wildly.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean, XD?” Aimsey yelled into the air.
“Aimsey what’s going on?” Guqqie’s voice had lost its edge, they now sounded scared more than anything.
Aimsey looked back to see Guqqie curling in on themself, hands shaking and eyes welling up with tears. Aimsey broke at the sight of that. She rushed over to Guqqie, cautiously taking their face in her hands. Guqqie slightly leaned into the touch. It felt sickeningly familiar.
“Hey, it’s gonna be alright. You’re gonna get out of here, okay? I made a deal with this guy, I know they don’t seem all that great but they’re gonna help you.” Aimsey explained softly, attempting to comfort them.
“No, no, Aimsey I don’t want this.” Guqqie cut her off quickly.
Aimsey leaned back and looked at Guqqie in shock.
Oh. She hadn’t thought of this.
“What, what are you talking about? What?” Aimsey spluttered, panicking now.
“I thought this was bad, why would you want to be-. No. This place freaks you out, you said it yourself! It feels like something’s watching you, it’s scary. Why would you want to stay here?” Aimsey’s voice was rising, she slowly stood up and stepped backwards away from Guqqie.
“I have to stay here! That’s not right, revival? Is that what you said? That’s insane!” Guqqie matched her voice, standing up as well.
“But you don’t! Guqqie, look I made a deal, alright? You’re gonna be brought back to life. A second chance at life, why wouldn’t you want that? I’m trying to help!” Aimsey’s voice broke, she felt so lost.
Out of all the things she expected from this, Guqqie not wanting to live wasn’t one of them. Maybe she should have seen it coming considering their death was a suicide but she thought that they would take the second chance anyway.
XD laughed cruelly once again, the sound bouncing off the thick walls with a creepy echo. Aimsey stilled, freezing in place, while Guqqie seemed to grow more anxious and fidgeted with their hands.
“I don’t want to go back Aimsey, I have nowhere to go!” Guqqie shouted.
The hallway shook harshly. The walls seemed to be breaking apart, crumbling as they stumbled around inside. Guqqie and Aimsey both covered their heads and closed their eyes, attempting to seek cover from the falling brick. The hallway shook so violently that everything seemed to crash. Aimsey flinched harshly and hoped that whatever just happened hadn’t hurt Guqqie. She didn’t feel too confident about that.
When Aimsey uncovered her eyes Guqqie was standing facing her, stood on a pressure plate. Aimsey panicked for a moment, thinking of everything that could go wrong with Guqqie standing on a pressure plate, before noticing that it only opened a door behind them. Aimsey then saw that the hallway had finally ended. Guqqie had been wrong, it did lead somewhere. Guqqie turned around on the spot to see the room the door revealed and gasped. The was built with the same materials as the hallway, it had a big window in the wall that revealed the growing sunset sky outside. It had desks with lit up screens and lots of buttons, control pads and decks. Aimsey quickly realized what Guqqie’s limbo was representing and took in a shuddering breath.
Guqqie turned back around to look at Aimsey. It was clear they were crying now, tears rolling quickly down their cheeks as they struggled to breathe. Aimsey tried to step closer, to calm them, but they recoiled harshly. Aimsey stepped back, taking the rejection hard.
"You know, Aimsey, it was honestly amusing how quickly you agreed to this. What a pity how trusting you are.” DreamXD’s sinister voice launched around the room, turning the atmosphere cold and tense.
“What are you talking about, XD?” Aimsey asked, her voice wavering despite her attempt to be firm with the god.
“A deal is a deal,” XD started, obviously finding a joy in playing with their prey before striking it down.
“Yes, exactly, a fair deal. So what the hell are you playing at?” Aimsey cut them off, glaring at the hall around them.
XD chuckled lowly. Guqqie’s breath picked up, her entire body shaking at this point. She looked beyond terrified. Aimsey chose to ignore the obvious anger directed towards her lingering behind her eyes as well.
“Exactly, a deal. You really should have asked what exactly was in it for me.” XD replied slowly.
Aimsey froze, realizing his mistake all too late. He stared at Guqqie in horror and Guqqie stared back with an equal gaze, as she realized that Aimsey had done.
“You see, Foolish simply isn’t cutting it anymore. I would love to continue working with him alone but he just isn’t strong enough. Everyone else on the server already knows of me, knows my reputation, knows what I do. You were new, Aimsey, but even you didn’t seem all that keen on working for me. When you asked me about revival that day I was tempted to leave you there, on your knees and crying pathetically, where you belong. But then you mentioned your interest was in someone outside of the server.” XD drawled on wickedly.
“No.” Aimsey whispered, raising a hand to cover his mouth, tears spilling onto his cheeks.
If it were possible his eyes would have opened even wider to reflect the horror he felt inside. He fell to the ground, slumping against the wall in defeat. He couldn’t even risk sparing a glance towards Guqqie. Not when he had just doomed them.
“The revived are like toys, not sure where they stand in the world or who they should believe in anymore. In the DreamSMP, even the dead know of me, they wouldn’t be of any use. Outside of that, however, let's just say you’ve given me a brand new puppet to play with.” The god cackled fiercely.
Their voice echoed around the long hallway, each word bouncing back and forth off the walls, forcing Aimsey’s downfall to be repeated back to them like some sick joke.
“Aimsey?” Guqqie whispered hesitantly and Aimsey started to sob as they heard the terror in her voice.
“Guqqie I-” Aimsey couldn’t finish.
Two large hands grabbed Guqqie from behind, seemingly appearing from thin air, and made almost a show of yanking her backwards into the room that stood behind her. Guqqie screamed, so loud and so scared, it pierced the tense air as she was pulled in. With her removed from the pressure plate the door snapped shut.
Aimsey bolted upwards and sprinted towards the door. They stood on the pressure plate and waited with baited breath. One moment, then another, then another. Nothing happened. Aimsey banged on the door, smacking a fist against it roughly over and over until her hand was throbbing in pain. She didn’t care. She screamed and sobbed against the door, begging for it to open.
“LET HER OUT! LET HER GO, PLEASE!” Aimsey’s voice broke as she screamed like she had never screamed before.
Her voice was hoarse, she choked on her breath and tears as she continued to scream in protest. She hit the door over and over but nothing changed. She pleaded with nothing, yelling apologies and bargains into the hallway. Nothing changed. She kicked the door as hard as she could, she clawed at where the door should open. Nothing changed. She stomped on the pressure plate and did her best to damage it. Nothing changed.
Everything caught up to her, the crash of all she had done and all she just threw Guqqie into shattered her to the core. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and sobbed, harder than she had ever sobbed before. Then she screamed.
She screamed for the sake of screaming. She screamed because she had just been double crossed thanks to her own naive nature. She screamed because she just signed Guqqie up for a living hell. She screamed because she just lost Guqqie for a second time.
Aimsey dropped to their knees, they hit the brick floor hard but they couldn’t feel it. Everything hurt. They screamed and sobbed into the empty hallway. They were alone, completely dead and alone. Guqqie looked so scared and it was all their fault. They didn’t think to ask what XD was gaining from this arrangement, too caught up in their dramatic story of the afterlife and the need to help Guqqie, to make amends with her. Aimsey could have laughed at that. They just did the furthest thing from make amends. Somehow they made things worse than how they already ended.
They choked hard, struggling to breathe in as they cried out. They heaved and coughed violently with more hot, singeing tears spilling across their face. They couldn’t even feel them as they glided down gracefully but they burned all the same. The tears burned into their soul and left the mark of their mistakes. They wounded them in a way they never thought could be possible. Shame and guilt swallowed them whole as they collapsed into a pathetic pile of limbs on the ground. It felt all too familiar to how the greedy god found them just the other day. They felt used. They felt pathetic and tortured.
“I’m sorry.” Aimsey yelled into the nothingness.
The two words they never got to say.
“I’m sorry.” Their voice broke as they weeped.
The two words they wanted to tell Guqqie more than anything. The two words they had been itching to tell them for months and months on end.
“I’m sorry.” They whispered as they wrapped their arms around themself.
The two words they would never get to say.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” They continued to murmur repeatedly.
The two words that meant everything yet now would indefinitely mean nothing.
Aimsey looked up into the hallway only to find the scene had changed. They were in an open field filled with daisies and pink tulips. The sky the same pink and orange glow they had seen in the room Guqqie was pulled into. There was no more hallway, no more ship, no more Guqqie.
Guqqie was alive.
Aimsey was dead.
Aimsey spent the rest of his days whispering one phrase over and over again, no matter how many times they said it, it never felt like enough. He repeated it for as long as he could. He never stopped. He repeated one phrase for eternity, sitting in the gentle glow of the never-changing skyline. Both him and the sky were stagnant, neither would ever change. He sat and whispered to himself. He pretended she could hear him.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
In every universe the two were doomed to be separate. They clung to each other yet were always pulled apart in the end. One was alive, one was dead.
They both were trapped.