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Jamie leaves Manchester City and he doesn’t look back.
He calls his agent, tells him he’s taking off, and he’ll be away from his phone for the foreseeable future. There’s not really anyone right now he feels the need to stay in touch with. His agent tries to sell him on some bullshit reality show but he’s just tired of it.
He’s tired of every part of his life being picked apart and of his dad giving him a daily list of all the ways in which he’ll never be good enough. He’s tired of not feeling like he belongs and missing people he never really was even close enough that it’s fair to miss.
No, he doesn’t want to play football and he doesn’t want to go on a fucking reality show. He wants to lose his phone and go somewhere where he can just start over, where Jamie Tartt is just a memory of some bloke who used to play football. That’s what he wants.
He drives until he gets to a village near Lake Windermere. He only has the money he has from his last year and from selling his house in Manchester, but it’s enough to rent a place from a nice old lady who just wants to make some extra money.
A couple of days later he’s walking down the lake and there’s a small gift shop and ice cream shop hybrid. The owner is getting ready to retire and wants to leave it in good hands. Jamie doesn’t fucking know how to run a business, but he knows how to hire a good manager. It’s a good way to make money for now anyway. He buys the shop from the owner, still has some money left in the bank, and the rest is history.
+++++
Jamie has a good general manager and a couple of staff members, who are mostly kids who live in the village who just want some extra money, but he spends a lot of time down at the shop too. He’s been here for a few months now, and he genuinely enjoys it. Everyone in the village likes him, and the few people who know who he is have never bothered him about it. Sometimes tourists will ask him for pictures and he happily obliges as long as they agree not to tell everyone where he lives.
He’s tucked in the corner, doing some reading online - he’s spent a lot of time learning about running a business because Jamie’s never not been able to excel at something he puts his mind to. One of the teenagers is working the ice cream bar while another is straightening up the souvenirs in the opposite corner from Jamie.
It’s the weekend before Christmas, so there are a lot of people out, but an ice cream shop isn’t so much the priority for tourists or villagers out shopping. It’s definitely cold out. Jamie’s thinking about putting in a coffee bar at some point.
“Holy shit.” He knows the voice before he looks up.
“Fuck.”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jamie knows Roy Kent’s voice, could recognize it anywhere. He doesn’t know why he never considered that anyone he knows would end up at Lake fucking Windermere, but he didn’t. He especially never considered it would be Roy.
Jamie closes his laptop and looks up from his work.
“I live here,” he says, suddenly unsure of all of his life choices. He’s been waiting for someone to tell him how fucking stupid he is, how foolish to give up his job and his life to retire to the fucking lakes like he’s a god damned Taylor Swift song.
But Jamie doesn’t regret his choices, and he won’t let Roy Kent make him feel bad about needing a change.
“This is my shop.”
“You own an ice cream shop.”
“Yeah, I do.” He stands up, sliding his laptop into his bag. “If you could please not tell anyone you saw me, even though I know that it’s appealing to talk about how Jamie fucking Tartt has retired to a quiet life in the country, as if it’s something to be ashamed of, I would be really fucking grateful.”
Seeing Roy again, makes him feel like all of the work he’s done and all of the changes he's made don’t fucking matter. He feels like that same twenty-three year old prick who thought he was better than everyone and wanted to prove what a tough dominating man he was. He hates the way he was back then, hates the memory of his father’s son.
“Fuck you,” Roy says.
“Whatever.” He walks up to the counter. “Hey, Jack, I’m going to head out for a bit. I’ll be back.”
“Jamie Tartt!” A little blonde girl comes running in, followed by a woman who looks a hell of a lot like Roy. Jamie assumes it’s Roy’s sister and niece.
“Hi, that’s me.”
“I’m Phoebe. Uncle Roy used to talk about you aaaaaall the time.”
“Cheers,” he says, smiling. He just wants to get out of here. His past feels like it’s catching up with him, and it’s making him feel backed into a corner. “I already asked your uncle, but if you could just not tell anyone you saw me, that would be very kind of you, Phoebe.”
“Uncle Roy,” she says. Roy is right behind Jamie now. “Can Jamie get ice cream with us?”
“Well,” Roy says. “I guess that’s up to Jamie.” Roy looks at Jamie like he’s daring him to say no to this sweet looking little girl.
“Okay.” He doesn’t know how to be a dickhead, doesn’t want to be a dickhead anymore. He doesn’t like the person he was back then. “Free ice cream from Jamie’s shop for everyone.” He goes back inside, the three of them behind him. “Jack, give them whatever they want.”
“The Raspberry Lemon Tart is my favorite,” Jamie says. “But it’s all good. I try to change out the flavors sometimes because it gets boring.”
“Do you eat ice cream for supper? If I owned an ice cream shop, I would eat ice cream all the time.”
“No.” Jamie laughs. “No, Phoebe, I don’t eat that much ice cream, myself. I bet your mum wouldn’t like you to eat ice cream for every meal.”
“Your mum would not.” Roy’s sister even shares Roy’s annoyed expression. It’s undeniable that they’re related.
They all have their ice cream, and Jamie takes them to a little table in the back where they can all sit.
“I can’t believe you got plain vanilla.” Jamie makes a face at Roy’s ice cream. “So boring. I only keep it because there are so many people who complain when I don’t.”
“What the fuck’s wrong with vanilla? I’m not a child. I don’t need unique flavor combinations. Ice cream is ice cream.”
“Bad word, Uncle Roy.”
“Put it on my tab.”
Jamie doesn’t really know what to say. He thinks he could ask how everyone back in Richmond is doing, but he doesn’t even know who Roy still talks to. He doesn’t even know Roy’s sister’s name. He used to be really comfortable around people like this, but it’s different. He can charm customers and his neighbors, but these are people who represent a past Jamie is trying to leave behind.
The air is so fucking heavy, and he feels backed into a corner.
“Hey, Phoebe, why don’t we go look at the souvenirs over here. We’ll get you something.” Roy’s sister takes her over to where there are snowglobes and magnets, leaving Roy and Jamie alone.
“So, the fucking lakes?” Roy quirks an eyebrow. “This is where you went when you stormed out at City?”
“I don’t want to talk about this with you.” Jamie taps his finger on the table. “Where’s Keeley?”
“We are not fucking talking about Keeley.” Roy looks up at the ceiling. Jamie figures it’s Roy’s way of telling him Keeley isn’t his business anymore. He supposes that’s true.
“Sorry I asked,” he says. “ I didn’t storm off. I just - fuck, I think one day I just woke up and it was like, this isn’t what I want. I’m tired of people deciding who I am without knowing a fucking thing about me, and I’m tired of my fucking dad picking apart everything I say and do on and off the pitch. I was just tired. So I talked to my agent, I took what money I had in the bank, and I came here.”
“And you bought a fucking ice cream shop?”
Jamie shrugs. He isn’t going to let Roy come in here after months, knowing nothing about him, and judge his life. He’s not. He doesn’t have to justify his decisions to Roy.
“Right. Well, Phoebe is probably going to buy all of your snowglobes.”
“Okay,” Jamie says. He feels awkward. He hates feeling awkward. “How long are you in town for?”
“We’re driving back down tomorrow night. My sister is a doctor. She has to be back for work, but she’s on call for Christmas, so I wanted her and Phoebe to have a little getaway.”
Jamie tries not to feel too relieved that Roy isn’t going to be around for ages.
“Feel free to bring her back on your way out. I’ll give you all free ice cream again. Personal friends and all.” Jamie’s not sure he and Roy are anything close to what would be considered friends. They never really got along, and he’s surprised Roy didn’t walk out of the shop the second he saw Jamie.
“Right, yeah.” Roy stands, going over to his sister and Phoebe. He pays for all of the things Phoebe has picked out before they all go out together.
+++++
Roy doesn’t come back the next day.
+++++
It’s New Year’s Day, and Jamie has given everyone the day off. He doesn’t have much to do today, since he’s on his own and fuck if he’s going to spend it with his family. He’s mostly hanging out behind the counter trying to do his bookkeeping, but he’s slowly realizing he’s definitely going to have to hire someone to do it for him.
He’s had a few people walk in, just people who’ve driven up for the day to walk around the lake or people from the village who needed to get out of the house. He’s thinking about closing up so he can have lunch when someone walks in.
“What can I - “
“Hi.”
Jamie looks up to see fucking Roy standing in his shop. He’s immediately annoyed by it.
“Oh,” he says. He starts wiping down his counter for something to do with his hands. “You didn’t come back the other afternoon, so I assumed you wanted to just forget you ever saw me.”
“My sister got called back early. She’s - “
“A doctor. You said.” Jamie puts the cloth down and leans back against the counter. His hair is longer than it used to be, so it’s easy to keep his hands busy playing with it. “Shouldn’t you be in London spending New Year’s Eve partying with Keeley or something?”
Come to think of it, it’s strange Keeley hadn’t come up last week.
But Roy makes a face and sort of grunts instead of actually responding, and Jamie decides that must mean it’s none of his business.
“Okay, well, do you want some ice cream? You’re paying for it this time.”
“Go on then.”
Jamie grabs a cone and scoops Roy some of the toffee flavor.
“I know you’re boring but you’ll like this one.” He hands it over. Roy just kind of shrugs and takes it. “What are you doing back up here?”
“Nothing else to do.” Roy sits at one of the small tables that sits close to the counter. “Phoebe fucking loves you by the way. Or, like, she fucking loves the shop and the lakes. She keeps asking when we can come back.”
“So you came back without her?”
“This time, yeah.” He doesn’t offer up anything else. Roy is a fucking frustrating man. Jamie hates him. Jamie hates all of this. Roy being here is kind of shattering everything. Jamie had really enjoyed not having to think about his past.
“What do you want?”
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Selling ice cream. Having a nice fucking life. Not worrying about tabloids or shit fucking agents who try to get me to go on fucking Lust Conquers All or my fucking dad. Just living a nice, quiet life.”
“Jamie, you are not the fucking quiet life type.”
“I am. I fucking am. I like it here.” Jamie sometimes misses football, but he does like it here. “You don’t even fucking know me.”
“I suppose not.”
“Yeah,” Jamie says. “I do like it here. I know you don’t believe me. I spent so much fucking time being this, like, shit person who thought I was better than everyone or, like, at least trying to be a person who thought that. It brought out the worst in me, and here I feel like I’m becoming a better person.”
“I can’t fucking believe Jamie Tartt is living a quiet life on Lake fucking Windermere. You’re a fucking generational talent, Jamie.”
“Yeah, well, try convincing my dad of that.” Jamie steps from around the counter and goes to sit at the table with Roy. “Anyway, I know I’m good and it’s not like I don’t miss it sometimes, I do. I know there are teams out there that would have me. Richmond is in a fucking state. I just, like, I think I like quiet.”
“I was so fucking shocked to see you here.” Roy looks up at the ceiling. “I just wanted to come back and, fuck. For some reason I had to come back and make sure you knew you weren’t making a mistake. Maybe it’s because it’s fucking over for me. I can’t imagine someone choosing to give it up. It doesn’t make fucking sense to me.”
“Well, it doesn’t have to make sense to you.”
“No, I guess it fucking doesn’t.” He licks at his ice cream, and Jamie tries not to stare. “Fuck you and your good opinion on ice cream.”
“I fucking knew you would like it.”
“Keeley and I broke up months ago,” Roy says out of nowhere. Jamie isn’t sure how to respond. “I kind of fell off the fucking deepend after I had to retire. I wasn’t great to be around, and I probably did a fucking great job of pushing her away.” Jamie watches as his jaw squares and he swallows back his emotions. “So, that’s why she’s not here and I’m not off somewhere with her. I fucked it up.”
“Welcome to the I Fucked It Up With The Most Beautiful Inside and Out Woman In the World Club.”
“Let's workshop that name.” Roy snorts. “Fuck.” He finishes off his ice cream and taps his fingers on the table. “I don’t go to the match anymore. Fucking Ted keeps trying to hire me, but Keeley fucking works there and football broke my fucking heart and my body, so you know, fucking - I get it. I get why you’re here.”
“I’m not here so that football can’t hurt me. I’m here because it’s healthier for me.”
“Same fucking thing, isn’t it?”
“Maybe.” Jamie’s not sure that’s true, but he doesn’t want to fight with Roy. It’s a fucking strange feeling. “It’s nice. Quiet.”
“Why’d you buy a fucking ice cream shop?”
“I needed something to do, and it seems fucking stupid to buy a business on a whim, but I did. I figured I’d buy it and figure out what I was doing later.”
“That sounds like Jamie Tartt.”
“Yeah.” Jamie laughs, pushing his hair back from his face. “I guess, it does. I am, though, figuring it out. And I’m fucking good at it. I’m profiting, and my staff seems to like me. I need to hire a fucking bookkeeper because, like, fuck maths, but I’m doing alright.”
“It seems like you’re doing fucking better than me. Haven’t even worked since the day you fucked my knee.”
“I didn’t fucking fuck your knee.” Jamie snaps. “You fucking went for the tackle. That wasn’t my - “
“Relax, fuck. I know, Jamie. I fucking know. It was coming whether I made that tackle or not. That wasn’t your fault.”
“You’re fucking right it wasn’t.”
“Why are you open today, anyway? Shouldn’t be sleeping off some mad New Year’s Eve bash?”
“Where do you think I’d go to a bash like that here? Besides that’s not really what I do. I figured I’d open to catch some tourists or people out with their families by the lake, but I wanted to give the staff today off. They have people to be with.” He shrugs. “I don’t. Besides, if I was closed you’d have come all this way for nothing.”
“I guess so, yeah.” Roy scratches at his beard and then pushes back from the table with both hands. “I think I’m going to stay for a few days. Maybe lake air will do me good or something. That’s something they fucking say right?”
“Who the fuck says that?”
“I don’t know. Them.” Roy snorts to himself. “I think it’s fucking good to see someone who isn’t disappointed in who I’ve become or doesn’t fucking expect me to be this fucking gracious retiree. That alright?”
“Yeah, that’s alright.” Jamie can understand wanting to be around someone who doesn’t have any expectations. “You can come back tomorrow if you want.”
“What time do you close up? You can show me a good place to eat or something.”
“I was going to give it an hour or so but I can close now. I know a place that does a good Sunday Roast. It’s not Sunday, but they’re probably doing it for the holiday.”
Roy just nods and waits for Jamie to close up shop.
+++++
After they have their meal, Jamie takes Roy the scenic route back to the main part of the village. It’s a little walk down the edge of the lake. It’s still a bit frozen over and there’s patches of snow settled on the ground. The mountains are pretty.
This is the first time Jamie’s gotten to take anyone around the village. It’s kind of nice.
They haven’t said much to each other since the shop, but it doesn’t feel awkward. It feels alright.
“You really do fucking like it here, don’t you?” Roy breaks the silence.
“I do, yeah.” Jamie nods. He stops walking and looks out at the lake. “It kind of surprised me, too. I know I was being fucking - like leaving football, not having a plan. I know it was fucking stupid. But I like where I’ve ended up.”
“Would it be okay if I came up sometimes? Just like, you know. Sometimes. Just to fucking get away from the city.”
“Never thought you’d want to get out of London.”
“Neither did I, really.” Roy turns to look at Jamie, and there’s something in his face Jamie can’t read. He wishes he could. He suddenly wants to know everything about Roy Kent that he’s never taken the time to know, everything you can’t find out on the stats page in a program or on the fucking internet. The thought scares him. “Just say you want me to go the fuck away if you do.”
“No, I don’t want you to go away. You can come around sometimes.”
“Good. I think I will.”
Roy starts walking back down the edge of the lake.
+++++
It’s a couple of weeks later on a Friday night, and Jamie is getting ready to close. He hasn’t really heard from Roy since he’d gone back home, so he’s not actually expecting him to come up at all.
The last customers leave and Jamie is just turning the sign when Roy comes up to the door.
“I’m closed,” Jamie says. At least he can be a dick, if Roy is going to not reach out for weeks and show up whenever he feels like it.
“I can wait.”
So Jamie makes Roy wait while he cleans up and shuts the till down and turns off all the lights. He really takes his time, just to be a dick. It’s a bit fun to do that again, and pushing Roy’s buttons is still fun even though they seem kind of like friends.
“You’re such a prick,” Roy says, once Jamie finally comes outside and locks the door behind him.
“You kept me waiting, so.”
“Fuck you. I didn’t say when I was going to come back.”
“No, but you could have fucking called or texted. I know you know how to use a fucking phone.” Jamie pauses. “Are you hungry?”
“A bit, yeah.”
“Good. You’re buying.” He starts off down the road and waits for Roy to catch him up.
“I’m unemployed,” Roy says as he meets Jamie’s step.
“You’re doing okay.” He snorts. “Anyway, you don’t have to be unemployed. You said Ted keeps trying to hire you.”
“Yeah,” Roy says. “He fucking tried to trick me into agreeing too. Maybe you were fucking right about him.”
“Why don’t you want to do it?” Jamie really is genuinely curious. He thinks Roy would be a good coach. Roy knows more about that game of football than maybe anyone Jamie’s ever met, and he played forever.
“Fuck off. I’m not here to talk about this.”
“I mean it, Roy. Richmond is shit. Isaac is all in his head. Don’t look at me like that. I have a fucking tv.” He stops talking as they walk into the pub and their seats. “They’re in a fucking state, and you could help. No one on that coaching staff has ever been on a fucking pitch. You know what it’s like out there. That’s what they need.”
“Maybe they need you.”
“I don’t play anymore,” Jamie says. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not being a stubborn twat. This is what I do now; this is my home. But you’re still there, and you want to say yes. You’re just being a dick.”
“We’ve had three fucking conversations in a month, and now all of the sudden you know every fucking thing about me? Fuck off.”
“No, I don’t.” Jamie sighs. “Fine, be a stubborn bastard.”
“Thank you for the permission.” Roy rolls his eyes. “I’m going up to order.”
Jamie shrugs and lets Roy go. He really can’t figure out what’s going on here. He’s sure Roy is going to get bored any time now and stop making these random five hour drives up to the lakes just to hang out with someone who he never fucking liked in the first place.
“Got you a shepherd's pie.” Roy sits across from him again, breaking his thoughts. “Hope that’s fine.”
“It’s fine.” Jamie tugs his sleeves over his hands. “Roy, don’t get me wrong, I actually haven’t minded seeing you but like. Why do you keep just fucking showing up?”
“You said it’d be alright if I did, so I am.”
“Yeah,” Jamie says. “You’re right. I just guess you have people. You have people who fucking care. Your niece and your sister, fucking Ted. I don’t know why you end up here.”
“Because I fucking want to be here. Is that alright?”
“It’s alright.”
“Good.”
The conversation drops when someone brings their food over, and they both busy themselves eating. Jamie wishes he’d gotten better at this when he actually dated and went out with friends. He just wants to know what Roy is thinking. He wants to know what’s happening here.
“What if I’m shit?” Roy finally says. “Ted seems to think I have the fucking key, but the most coaching I’ve ever fucking done is at Phoebe’s school. It’s fucking different. What if they don’t take me seriously, and what if I’m shit?”
“You are not going to be shit, Roy. Have you ever been shit at anything?”
“Shit at being a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty shit at that too.”
“I don’t get why you’d give it up.”
“Being a boyfriend?”
“No, fuck off. Football. It just doesn’t make sense to me.” Roy shrugs. “I never could, and then I was forced out and now nothing in my fucking life makes sense, but you just walked away and now you live in this fucking quaint village, and you look fucking relaxed and beautiful and like fucking - it just doesn’t make sense.”
Jamie ignores very specific parts of what Roy just said.
“I walked away because it made sense to me. It made sense for me. It doesn’t make sense for you. Go fucking tell Ted that you want to work for him. Go help Richmond. You’re here because you want me to tell you that’s what you should do.” Jamie gets it. There’s no one else. Roy needs Jamie right now because there’s no one else, and that’s fine.
“Maybe, yeah.” Roy takes in a heavy breath. “Maybe.”
“You fucking know I’m right. Don’t be a dickhead.”
“Legally, I’m not allowed to say that. If I say you’re right I think it makes the fucking world end.”
Jamie rolls his eyes at Roy. There’s a lot going through his mind, but right now he just wants to finish this meal with Roy and pretend that all of this is fucking normal.
+++++
I guess I’m fucking coaching Richmond now.
Jamie gets Roy’s text in the middle of going over his numbers with the new bookkeeper he finally managed to hire. He’d understood more than he really thought, but he’s glad he has someone he’s paying to do this now. He doesn’t need the extra headache.
He doesn’t respond until they’re done with the meeting. He needs to gather his thoughts because it’s all about numbers and maths and shit he can’t get his head around.
Also, he’s trying to swallow down this little pang in his chest that’s accompanied by a voice telling him that this means Roy won’t be coming up to see him randomly anymore. It fucking sucks.
But he knows this is best for Roy and tries to be happy for his…friend? He thinks they’re friends. They’ve hung out a couple of times, anyway. Roy tells Jamie things he’s sure Roy doesn’t talk about with other people. It feels special.
Or it did because now Roy’s back where he belongs, and he’s not really going to need Jamie anymore.
Jamie takes so long trying to decide how to respond that he forgets to respond at all. He doesn’t even realize it until later that night when he’s watching Match of the Day and they start talking about Roy right before another text comes through.
Fuck you too
Jamie rolls his eyes and hits the call back button.
“Fuck you.” Roy’s voice comes through tinny on the other end.
“I was in a meeting when you texted.” It’s half true, anyway.
“Sure.”
“I knew you’d go back,” Jamie says. “Don’t need me anymore, anyway. Got your Richmond family back.”
“Oh fuck off,” Roy says. “It’s going to be fucking weird seeing Keeley every day.”
“Maybe you’ll work it out now that you’re admitting to having friends and get back to work. You can get over your retired dickhead bullshit.”
“Oh.” Jamie hears a shaky breath on the other end of the line. “Yeah, I guess I could try again with Keeley. I just thought - “
“Thought what?” Jamie is confused every single time he talks to Roy. No wonder Keeley broke up with him. He’s a fucking mystery.
“Nothing. I thought there might be someone else I was starting something up with, but no. I don’t really want to start anything with Keeley.” There’s a little click on the other end. “It’ll be good to be back, though. I think it’ll be fucking great to be back.”
“They fucking need you.” I need you, Jamie’s brain supplies somewhere deep down, and he tries to fucking push it away because what the fucking fuck. “Maybe you can come back up in the summer, after the season ends.”
“Right,” Roy says. “Yeah, maybe.” Something feels different, and Jamie can’t place it. He doesn’t know what he said. “I should go, big day tomorrow. Big fucking day.”
“Right, goodni-”
The line goes dead.
+++++
Jamie keeps up with Richmond as much as he can. He doesn’t watch every match because he spends most Saturdays at the shop, but if it’s not on Saturday he definitely watches. He watches them beat fucking Spurs in the FA Cup quarter final, and he texts Roy a congratulations, but when he doesn’t hear back a couple of times he figures that tells him everything. Roy didn’t really need him after he got back where he belonged.
Jamie tries to push down the feeling of disappointment that always sits in his chest when he thinks of Roy now.
It’s Saturday afternoon, and he’s feeling a bit low, so he’s finishing up anything he needs to do and leaving Jack to close up the shop. He’s just gone to the back office to put away some things, and when he comes back out Roy is standing there talking to Jack and one of the customers.
“Oh, good. Thought I’d missed you.”
“Roy? What the fuck are you doing here?”
“International break? I hadn’t been up in a while, so I thought I’d pop up.”
“Oh.” Jamie always feels like a fucking idiot around Roy.
“I can turn around and go home but it seems like a fucking waste?”
“No, no. I was just leaving.” Jamie walks over. “Come on, let's go.” He leads Roy out of the shop. “Hungry?”
“Not really,” Roy says. He sounds quiet. “Can we just go somewhere fucking - just somewhere quiet?”
Jamie nods. He leads Roy down the edge of the lake to a little opening where there are some benches but it’s quieter because it’s set away from everything and no one really goes there unless it’s a peak time.
“We can sit?” Jamie nods at the benches and heads over. He feels a little lost right now for some reason. Maybe it’s just that fucking Roy does this to him. Jamie doesn’t wait for Roy to sit, but Roy is right behind him.
“Look, Jamie - “
“What the fuck, Roy?” Jamie isn’t angry, but he’s something he can’t quiet name. Hurt, disappointed, confused. “You’ve barely even - I just started to think maybe you didn’t - “
“I’ve been fucking busy.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jamie knows. He knows. It’s not like Roy can make random trips up to fucking Lake Windermere every weekend when he has a job now. “Sorry.”
“Jamie.” Roy sighs. “No, fuck. I’m sorry. You’re fucking right. I’m being a prick. I thought something was happening with us and when I realized it was all in my head, I just fucking avoided you.”
“What?”
“I’m fucking sorry.”
“No, say - what?” Jamie frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t make me fucking say it again, Tartt.” Roy sounds so rejected, and Jamie is so fucking confused.
“But I need you to - I don’t fucking know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh fuck off. I kept coming up here to see you, and I told you things I don’t fucking tell anyone. Not anyone, Jamie.” Roy looks out at the lake, and Jamie follows. It’s such a fucking beautiful scene in front of them. It’s fucking romantic, except Jamie is sitting here with fucking Roy Kent and he has no idea what’s happening.
“You just didn’t have anyone else to talk to.”
“You think I drove fucking five hours either way because I didn’t have anyone else?”
“You only found out I was up here accidentally.”
“But I didn’t keep coming accidentally.” Roy turns to face him. “Jamie, I was coming up here to see you.”
“Oh.” His brain catches up with everything. “You said I look relaxed and I look - “
“Yeah. I was wondering if you caught that.” Roy makes a face that Jamie can’t read. “I fucking meant it. Don’t make a fucking fuss.”
“Roy.”
“You talked me into doing something that fucking terrified me. You walked away from all of that, the whole fucking life, knowing what people would think and you did it because it was the right fucking thing for you. You’re fucking brave, and fucking - fuck.” Roy groans a little. “Fuck.”
Jamie doesn’t know what to say. He can’t say anything. He studies Roy’s face. He looks like he’s in a special kind of pain, and it hits Jamie that that’s him. He’s making Roy look like that, and he kind of hates himself for it.
“Fuck.” He’s quiet. Jamie doesn’t know if he’s ever spoken this softly in his fucking life. “You said there was someone else - that was. That was me.”
“Don’t make a big fucking deal. I get it. You’re not interested.”
“Fuck, Roy.” Jamie doesn’t know what else to say or do. He just moves closer and presses his lips to Roy’s, and for a moment he can’t fucking breathe, because Roy doesn’t move.
But then Roy kisses him back, and it’s fucking spectacular. It’s like nothing he’s ever fucking felt before. His body is on fire.
“Fuck.” Roy grunts a little.
“I didn’t know I could do that,” Jamie says. “I never thought about it because I didn’t let myself.”
“You can do that whenever you fucking want, Jamie.”
“Good to know.” He rests his head onto Roy's shoulder and looks out at the lake. It’s beautiful. He feels Roy’s fingers slip between his own and squeeze gently. It’s fucking romantic.
“I can stay until midweek,” Roy says. “International break, so I told Ted I was taking some time off too.”
“Did you tell him you were coming to profess your undying love for Jamie Tartt?”
“Fuck no.” Roy laughs gently. He turns his face to kiss the side of Jamie’s head. “Told him I was going to visit my pretentious fucking boyfriend who lives on Lake fucking Windermere.” Roy squeezes his fingers again. “Is that okay?”
“What if I’d turned you down?” Jamie smiles. “Could have told you to fuck off.”
“Didn’t really think about that, did I?”
“Still could,” Jamie says. “I’m not going to.” He just breathes. Roy is so warm and solid against him. “This is going to be fucking annoying. Can you handle only seeing me during international breaks and the off season?”
“Figure I’ll get you down for a match at some point? Maybe we’ll recruit you.”
Jamie laughs.
“Didn’t think you’d go for that.”
“No, but I would come to a match or two. No one will believe where Jamie Tartt’s ended up.”
“I still don’t fucking believe it. It makes sense though. I get it. It suits you.” Roy turns to kiss him again, and it feels like he could fucking fly if he wanted to.
Jamie doesn’t really know what any of this means or what happens next. He’s really fucking excited to find out though.