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“Papa!” Will grinned, running up to his dad the moment he got home, Jonathan hot on his trail going straight to his room for something or other, he hated staying with dad…Will saw why..sort of. Dad..really didn’t like Jonathan. He hit Jonathan, but Jonathan didn’t know that Will knew that
“What’s up kid?” His dad asked feet propped up in a ottoman, a beer in his hand
“Guess what! Guess what! I’ve got a crush!” Will beamed, his dad always said when he got a crush on a girl to tell him. Will was pretty sure this was a crush because he meet a boy on the swing set today, Will wasn’t feeling very happy he was pretty sad, but this boy Mike wheeler had came up to him and instantly made Will better. Will didn’t exactly know what a crush was, he was only in third grade but he knew that he wanted to hold hands and give kisses on the cheek like the other ‘couples’ on the playground did
“Yeah? Who’s the girl?” His dad smiled turning to face the grinning boy
“His name is Mike! We met on the playground today and we played on the swings!” Will grinned
“ What?” His dad stared at him taking a big gulp of his beer
“Mike! He’s my crush!” Was papa not happy? He always told Will to tell him if he had a crush, it wasn’t a girl but that didn’t matter right?
“Will. Look at me.” His dad said sternly in his ‘you’re in big trouble voice’ that’s the voice he uses before he hits Jonathan
Will looked up at his dad confused, why wasn’t papa happy?
His dad stared at him before raising his hand up and before he knew what was happening his dad struck him across the face before Will could process the pain his dad was talking as wills hand pressed it to his cheek
“You are not a fag. You do not have a crush on a guy, you’re the one good child I have, not like that fucking Jonathan” his dad said pointing at Will wills eyes watered before tears fell from his eyes
“Oh don’t cry, I barely touched you boys don’t cry… go to your room” his dad shooed him off and he left hand on cheek running off to Jonathan’s room throwing his backpack on the floor and hopping on the bed
“Jon..” Will cried hugging the older
“Will- Will what happened?” Jonathan asked softly looking at his Younger brother and the red mark on his face “Will. Did Lonnie hit you?” Jonathan asked eyebrows raised
“Dad…dad hit me…hurt m’ face” will muttered looking down
“Will…what did you say?” Jonathan asked enraged, he could hit him as much as he wanted he could do whatever to Jonathan, but he dare hit Will
“I- I told him about my crush he always said to tell him if I had a crush..n’ I met a boy today and he was very nice and I have a crush on him. And- and then papa hit me and…told me that…boys don’t cry and…I was a ‘f-fag’ what does that mean?” Will asked, he didn’t know what if ment but it sounded bad
“Oh…oh that-“ Jonathan took a deep breath “that’s…a really bad word, it’s used..for people like us. Who can’t control who they love. People who like the same gender…you like boys yeah? I also like boys but some people really don’t like that..” Jonathan sighed, how did he explain that people got murdered because he liked the same gender
“Oh…ok…” Will nodded, that…that didn’t make sense
“Anyways. This boy..?” Jonathan asked “what’s his name what’s he like?” Jonathan smiled, he was 13 and he realized quickly that people didn’t like people like him, Especially Lonnie, that’s why he stopped calling him dad after he had caught him making out with a boy in Jonathan’s room, that’s why he had made a lock for his door
“His name is Mike! He had black puffy hair and- and I was sad on the playground earlier..but he came over to me and he wanted to play with me!” Will grinned the last five minutes conpletly forgotten
“That’s amazing buddy!” Jonathan grinned “now, I’m going to make a phone call ok? Stay here and…read comics or some of your nerdy stuff.” Jonathan smiled softly running a hand through wills hair
Jonathan walked out to the phone quietly and quickly as not to draw his dads attention to him he dialed the line to the melvads where his mom worked
“Hey Tom, yeah it’s Jonathan, can I talk to ma?” Jonathan asked and Tom happily agreed as Jonathan kept his voice down as much as possible thankful Lonnie was too absorbed in his movie and drink
“Jonathan. What’s wrong?” Joyce asked concerned, he moved as far away from the living room as possible the cable stretched
“Ma, we have a problem” Jonathan muttered “Lonnie…he-…hit Will. Slapped him.” Jonathan muttered glancing over to the living room
“He did what? Know what- No- I’m coming home. We will talk first then Lonnie is in some deep shit if he thinks he can hit will.” Jonathan recognized that voice, that was the ‘someone’s probably going to die’ voice.
“Thank you ma” Jonathan muttered
“Of course baby..” his ma muttered back before the Dian tone rang, he rested his head on the wall before putting the phone back on the hook
He went back to his own room and there will was, coloring
“I think you need some new crayons don’t you?” Jonathan laughed softly looking at the drawing of somebody? Drawn in multiple shades of blue
“Yeah..but it makes sense…” Will shrugged
“How so?” Jonathan questioned.
“This is Mike.” Will smiled “he wore a blue sweater. It dosent fit him but it’s cool.” Will grinned
“Hm. You like this boy don’t you?” Jonathan smiled
“Yeah.” Will grinned
No less then ten minutes later there was Joyce, walking into the house as Jonathan peeked his head out of the doorway and could just tell she was angry but went straight to Jonathan first, Will still doodling but now on Jonathan’s desk
“Will darling…” Joyce muttered her thumb gliding over the yellow shape on wills face, the shape of a hand, whenever Jonathan got hit, he blamed it on falling or something, but this was different. This was different because it was Will
“Hi ma” Will grinned he looked over to Jon “I can tell ma ‘bout mike right?” He asked in more of a stage whisper than anything
“Yes, you can.” Jonathan sighed softly
“Who’s mike?” Joyce asked curiously
“Wills got a crush” Jonathan teased dragging out the ‘crush’
“Do you now?” Joyce smiled softly
“Mm!” Will hummed grabbing his drawing “his name is Mike.” Will nodded
“Hm, you should invite him over, it would be nice to see you with a friend” Joyce smiled
“Hey uh…Will. Can you go to your room? I wanna talk to ma for a little” Jonathan asked and Will happily nodded grabbing his crayons and paper and saying a quick ‘bye!’ Before he was off to his room
“What’s wrong sweetie..?” Joyce asked eyebrows furrowed, she sat on the opposite side of the bed as Jonathan
“That uh…that isn’t the first time Lonnie hit one of us- it’s- it’s the first time he hit Will…that I know of- but…uh-“ Jonathan mustered up all the courage he had and took a deep breath “ma’ he has hit me too…because he saw me kissing a boy,” Jonathan nodded looking down and fiddling with his fingers
“Darling…darling…” Joyce took his hand and Jonathan looked up at her soft smile, his moms smile always made him feel so much better “how long has this been going on..?” She asked carefuly
“Uh…birthday. Last year when I turned 13. That was the first time.” Jonathan nodded “when I invited my freind over-“
“Yes Uhm…David was his name? Why didn’t you tell me?” Joyce asked her voice cracking
“Ma…ma don’t cry..” Jonathan muttered using his thumb to rub the under of her eye “yeah..yeah his name was Dave-“ Jonathan chuckled softly
“No…no I’m not crying hun, can you answer my question..?” She muttered grabbing Jonathan’s hand on her face
“I was scared. Didn’t think you would belive me take Lonnie’s side say…say I was a fag just- just like he did-“ Jonathan muttered tears now flowing from his eyes “I’m sorry ma I’m so so sorry but- just- I tried to be normal, I tried ” he hiccuped out a sob “I don’t like girls ma..” Jonathan laughed softly “crap now I’m crying..”
“Darling…” Joyce muttered, reaching out to give her oldest a hug “you don’t need to be normal…that’s how you live a life you will hate, you don’t need to be normal. Be who makes you happiest..” she said rubbing soothing circles into his back “be yourself Jonathan I will be happy whoever that may be..”
“Th-thank you ma’” Jonathan whispered gripping onto his mother even tighter
Lonnie ended up staying. He stayed for a few more years until his mother was fed up.
Nobody cried the day their dad Left.
And now Jonathan looked back at the boy quietly sobbing in the back of a surfer boy pizza van.
Jonathan thought of the boy how many years ago with a even worse bowl cut and a red mark across his face
And Jonathan thought about the boy now. The boy crying because he can’t tell his crush that he so desperately loved him.
And the boy that used to come to him to talk about anything and everything and the boy now who won’t even show him his paintings.
He thought about the boy then who was just introduced to music — real and proper music.
And he thought about the boy now. His brother that only he had fucked up the relationship with because Jonathan was too busy with his own problems and coping that he forgot about the young boy struggling just a room over.
He missed his brother. The brother now who is mature and has a sense of style and his own music taste and his own issues. He missed him.