Work Text:
Ooh, hot like the Phoenix sun, y'all
Ooh, I'm fallin' like a Denver snow fall
-
From: nakaharachuuya$business.com
To: nakaharaosamu$business.com
Subject: random email pt. 1
Attachment: everywhereimgoing.mp3
Here I am, hiding out in our old shared office, writing a random ass email because I apparently have nothing better to do. See, it appears that away but there's no fucking way that's true. Ane-san is looking for me as I write this, you know? I'm risking being faced with her wrath by missing out on yet another meeting for the sole purpose of writing shitty emails to you. You better appreciate this, damn it.
Anyway. You know Higuchi? I mean, of course you know her. But what you might not know is, her personal playlist is actually really cute?? A majority of her favourite songs are gross, sappy love songs apparently. But isn't that so cute!!
She sent me the link to her playlist (after much morally okay persuasion, of course. I didn't threaten to get her fired if she refused to send me the link. Why the fuck would you think I did something as awful as that?!)
But this one song on her playlist really stuck out to me, you see? It's called "Everywhere I'm Goin'" by 'Maddie and Tae'. Never heard of them? Yeah, me neither. Higuchi says they are this duo of country artists. Very tangy accent and very cute people, she said.
Actually, what would it be like if me and you had a musical duo?! GASP. I like to think we'd be into making pop or soft-pop. What do you think?? That's so brilliant wtf. Fr, we should like quit our jobs tomorrow and make a musical duo. Who needs the mafia and a bunch of detectives anyway, right? We can even name our duo 'Double Black'! Think about it at least, damn.
Right, getting a little too side-tracked here. I will now present you with all my favourite lyrics from that song I just mentioned. Yes, the one called 'Everywhere I'm Goin'.' There's no letter 'g' in the song title, mind you. It's country slang to miss out consonants, maybe?
I don't know. But anyways, here we go!
Whole world in my living room
It's all you, babe
If I could paint paradise
It'd be you, it's all you, babe
Every red pin on the map I'm holding
You're everywhere I've been and everywhere I'm goin'
From backwoods to the neon glowin'
You're everywhere I've been
And everywhere I'm goin'
Tell me that's not the grossest, cutest shit you've ever heard. I dare you to lie to my face right now. I'm actually disgusted by how I had to stop my paperwork and pause the song to think about cursed, shitty fish self. Because well, it's true. What the lyrics say. It's true, alright?
Whole world in my living room (it's all you, babe)
Moving on to the next one...
He's my one-way outta town
Even sitting shotgun riding around
Feels like an East Coast, coastline drive
He's a take-my-breath like a Paris sunset
Takes my heart where it hasn't been yet
Hmm, I'm not quite sure what that's supposed to mean. But it does sound super gross and romantic, so let's roll with it. I agree with the last line though. Maybe. Kinda? Probably. Ugh shut up. You're just a shitty mackerel fish bastard anyway. I hate you so much.
Well, it looks like the rest of the song is just the chorus repeating over and over. It sounds good so, give it a listen, okay? I attached it somewhere in the email, of course. Download it already, damn it. Your phone has way too much space anyway.
Right let's talk about the chorus again then. All jokes aside, the particular lyric that stuck out to me in this song, that made me pause it so I could think you and feeling disgusting feelings, is this one.
You're everywhere I've been, and everywhere I'm going.
It's true, don't you think? We've known each other, what, almost eight years now? That's half of my conscious life span. The time I spent as some lab project doesn't count. Or maybe it does, since you keep telling me that all of that bullshit makes me who I am, as well. I accept I'm human, alright? Thank to you. We've come a long way.
Both of us, you know? You as well. I'm so proud of you, shitty Dazai.
Hmm, as for the Sheep. Sure, they did take me in, and I'll always be grateful. But I don't think I can say that they treated me as a friend, or even just as another fellow person. As their leader? Always. I was always supported and looked after. As their leader, that is. I don't think any of them every considered me as a friend.
It doesn't matter though. My point is, any time I look back into my fondest memories of my past, you're a constant there. And I plan to have that for the rest of my life, you see? I need you around forever. You're not getting rid of me that easily, damn it.
That was all I had to say. I think. For now. You know what,, I think I hear Ane-san closer now. Yikes, gotta go. I love you, take care, don't annoy your co-workers too much.
Once again, I love you, hon.
-Chuuya
~
Anybody who knew Chuuya in his professional life knew that he wasn't an easy man to deal with. Out on the battlefield, he was known to be relentless, yet occasionally showing mercy to shitty-blooded enemies. Sparing their lives, yet leaving them very seriously injured definitely counted as a sliver of mercy. Right...?
Every enemy Chuuya has ever faced would be shaking in their knock-off Prada boots if they ever actually found out that the infamous gravity manipulator was actually just a very, very whipped man, totally-head over-heels for a certain person who he happened to call his partner.
Well, at the very least, Chuuya's close friends and co-workers happened to know the little earth-shattering fact, that was his marriage.
Yet, nobody knew exactly how much in love Chuuya was with that infamous Port Mafia traitor. The Demon Prodigy, the one who possessed the oh-so-wonderful nullification ability, a member of the Armed Detective Agency; Dazai Osamu.
And nobody would ever even dream of finding out exactly how indulgent Chuuya was. After all, responding and even initiating such unnecessary emails in the middle of work hours definitely counted, didn't it?
But Chuuya couldn't really help it. Especially not after that one conversation with that shitty Dazai about a week ago. That bastard actually had the galls to ask if Chuuya was bored of him?! As if that would ever be possible!
How rude, honestly.
Dazai was clearly an idiot, despite that well-known genius brain of his, if he genuinely thought that Chuuya was capable of ever getting bored of him. He hasn't for eight years, he doesn't plan on starting anytime soon. In fact, Chuuya bullshit tolerance had spiked so much over all these years; he doubted he could live without that pet fish anymore.
There was no way.
Like he mentioned in his very important and heartfelt email, Chuuya would personally see to it that Dazai can never even think about leaving him, and that the two of them would be stuck together for the rest of their lives at all costs, damn it!
But Chuuya wouldn't be the one to brush over his partner's insecurities and concerns. So, if Dazai was worried about such a useless thing (stupidly, might a mafia executive add), surely a little reassurance wouldn't hurt at all.
After all, if the world was to be personified, then no matter what, Dazai would be Chuuya's. He was fairly sure that such disgusting feelings of his were very mutual, and went both ways.
As expected of a duo like them.