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"Baby, that's for you."
"Meow!"
....?
-
Chuuya prided himself on being a very good partner. In the romantic sense, that is.
Of course, he's only ever been a partner to one person. But still, he has very good history of taking care of said shitty partner, alright? Firstly, of all things, he was cursed with the misfortune of being married to a literal mummy.
A waste of bandages.
A shitty mackerel bastard who just happened to invite random women on a double suicide with him. Like, wasn't that just so rude? But Chuuya supposed it was fine, since that asshole promised to live for Chuuya. That was precious, and more important anyway.
Even if Dazai was just a pet fish who wasn't useful at all (well, except maybe as a strategist on the battlefield), and even if he couldn't take care of himself at all, he was a good husband. Chuuya could personally vouch for such suspicious-sounding claims.
It was a given that Dazai would be there for Chuuya if he had a particularly bad day. Such as, if a mission went wrong, or if Dazai himself decided to be an extra annoyance that took a few years off the mafioso's life span.
Dazai has always been a good husband; throughout the seven years that the duo have maintained their partnership. Even if he acted like a bastard of the time, he had his own way of showing love and care for Chuuya. And the redhead appreciated that, alright?
And he loved his husband way too much, even if he was just a useless pet fish.
Dazai has always been wonderful to him, but didn't he overstep his own limits last month?! For some unknown reason that Chuuya didn't want to ponder upon, that shitty guy had decided to be a good person (for a change) and had gotten Chuuya something that he has always wanted.
Exactly about twenty two days ago, that shitty detective came home from work, and he brought a puppy home with him?! Like, an actual dog. A real life golden retriever puppy that was honestly too cute to exist. Chuuya just about had a heart attack when the puppy first nuzzled up to him.
One thing led to another, and Twin Dark ended up naming their newly adopted dog as 'Popcorn'. Because he was golden! Like popcorn! Wasn't that just so adorable? Chuuya adored that little pup so much!
And that is exactly why it was such a big problem that Popcorn decided that he liked Dazai better. Wasn't that just rude?! After all, it was Chuuya who fed that little pup thrice a day, and it was Chuuya who took him for walks and cleaned up after him.
Popcorn hasn't exactly been, uh, potty-trained yet.
So wasn't it really unfair that Popcorn liked Dazai more, when it was actually Chuuya that took such good care of him?! That bastard Dazai didn't even like dogs! He hated them! He even called them as 'monstrous mutts who do nothing but bark and shit all day'!
How could such a cute and adorable puppy like Popcorn adore an asshole like Dazai so much?! Wasn't that absolutely unnatural?
So obviously, Chuuya had to do something about it. After heavy contemplation, he went out and got a mini hat and a choker-styled collar for Popcorn. Yes, Dazai did indeed laugh his head off when he noticed that both the accessories looked exactly like Chuuya's. But that didn't matter much here. At least now Popcorn would look a little like Chuuya, ne?
Everyone likes people akin to themselves. So obviously, when Popcorn notices that he wears matching hats with Chuuya, he'd definitely love him more. Right?
Wrong.
Popcorn was still very much in love with that shitty bastard Chuuya called his husband. As for said husband, he was just so shitty too! He claimed to hate dogs, and that the only dog he would ever tolerate was Chuuya, because 'Chibi is just my dog for life, ne?'
Chuuya wasn't even a real dog! He wasn't a dog at all! Never mind being that bastard's dog! And that too, for life? No fucking way.
But despite such claims, Dazai took about one week to get attached to Popcorn. One fucking week. At first, he'd try to shove off the puppy whenever he climbed onto his lap. Chuuya used to have to glare at Dazai, his eyes very clearly conveying only one thing.
"Shove off my baby, I dare you. Do it, and see what happens."
Chuuya could be very intimidating when he wanted to, and it even worked on Dazai. So he'd keep the puppy on him, albeit very reluctantly. He always looked so uncomfortable too. But now?
But now?!
Now, that shitty Dazai always snuggled up with Popcorn during his daily reading. He could be reading 'The Complete Guide To Suicide" for the hundredth time, and he'd do it with Popcorn snuggling up to him, and occasionally giving him nuzzles.
In fact, Popcorn got to cuddle with Dazai more than Chuuya himself!
Wasn't that absurd? Like, Chuuya was Dazai's husband. Shouldn't he be getting hugs and pats and kisses too? But no, it's been all about Popcorn lately. Popcorn very obviously adored Dazai more, and Dazai was too preoccupied with the puppy to give his very own husband any attention.
At this point, Chuuya couldn't decide who his was jealous of. His puppy, or his husband? Really, he was too old for this bullshit. There was no way he should be worrying about such silly things like this.
So, today, Chuuya decided he's had enough of this. He obviously had to do something about this situation. Clearly, the very cute accessories he got Popcorn failed to change the puppy's affections towards his bandaged owner.
Hence, the only thing that could be done was to get Dazai his very own pet. One, he's never liked dogs in the first place. He much rather preferred cats. And because he was such a precious idiot, he'd still gotten a dog just for Chuuya. So now, Chuuya decided that he'd get Dazai a cat.
One pet just wasn't enough anyway. Plus, if there was a cat in the house, Popcorn could be best friends with it, and then they could play by themselves. That way, Chuuya would get his very much required hugs from his very own husband.
His mind completely made up, the gravity manipulator flew off to the pet store as soon as he finished work that day. Walking past the sections of fish bowls, and bird cages, he beelined towards the pen that housed cat trees. And of course, there were tons of cats in various steps of the structure.
Chuuya was usually a decisive person, so it didn't take him very long to pick a cat. Rather than getting a kitten, he figured that getting a slightly older cat was the way to go. They already had an untrained puppy, it'd be a hassle to train a dog and a cat at the same time.
Out of all the cats there, a particular one caught his eye specifically. It was a somewhat grown cat, and it was brown in colour, with the occasional tan features. And god, it had the bluest eyes Chuuya has ever seen on anyone or anything.
After speaking to the staff at the store, he found out that his cat was a two year old Siamese, who'd been rescued just two weeks ago. He'd been a little sick when the rescue team found him, but he was almost completely better now.
Now listen, Chuuya might be a mafioso, but he wasn't heartless, alright? This Siamese cat was obviously the one for him. For Dazai. There was no way Chuuya could leave him alone now, especially not after hearing his back story. He was already attached, okay? That was normal, wasn't it?
So, Chuuya shook paws with the cat, and made sure they were on good terms before taking him home in a cat basket. Naturally, because he was smart and all, he also bought a lot of kitty supplies. Like a cat tree. And well, a sand litter. Just the usual stuff.
When he finally walked into his penthouse, as expected, Dazai was comfortably seated on the couch, Popcorn snuggling up to him as usual. However, on hearing the door open, the detective turned around to greet his husband.
Of course, as soon as his eyes fell upon the cat basket, he raised his eyebrows, "Chuuya. Did you get us another animal?"
Smiling very sweetly, Chuuya opened the cat basket and lifted the new cat in his arms, before walking over to his husband and dropping the cat on his stomach. "Yes honey. That's for you."
The cat blinked at Dazai for a second before purring in content, "Meow!"
As expected, Popcorn was way too interested in greeting someone, who was definitely, potentially, a new friend. He pressed his nose into the cat's fur, his tail wagging continuously.
Dazai stared at his partner for a while, before finally patting the cat on the head, "Hello, meowsie."
Chuuya snorted, laughing, "Did you just call him meowsie?"
The detective scoffed, "That's the normal reaction to seeing a cat."
"Uh huh. Sure. Meowsie."
A whine from the other, "Shut up, Chuuya. I can't believe you got me a cat. We just got Popcorn, you know?"
Chuuya stared at him, a frown hinting at his face, "Are you not happy? I thought you'd be happy, since you like cats and-"
Dazai cut him off immediately, intertwining his bandaged hands with gloved ones, "Don't be silly. Of course, I'm happy. Look at him! He's so cute! I love him already. Maybe more than I love Chuuya too."
Chuuya gasped dramatically, "Dazai?! That's so mean, babe! This wasn't my intention at all!"
Dazai beckoned the other over, kissing him softly, "I'm kidding. I love you, you know."
Popcorn chose this exact moment to bark at his brown-haired owner, "Woof!"
And of course, hearing him, the new cat looked up at Dazai too, "Meow?"
The former mafioso rolled his eyes at them, "Yeah, yeah. I love you guys too."
Finally taking a seat next to his husband, Chuuya laughed softly, "What, you speak cat and dog now?"
Dazai hummed, "I've been speaking dog for seven years, you know."
As expected, his husband nudged him, "Shut up. I'm not your dog. Never have been."
A whine, "But aren't you my dog for life, Chuuya?"
"I'm your partner for life. There's a difference."
"Hmm, I don't quite see one."
"Want me to kick you in the face, bastard?"
"I wouldn't be opposed. That sounds glorious, my beloved."
"You're a fucking pervert. That's what you are."
"Yet you love me so much, ne?"
Chuuya sighed exaggeratedly, "Unfortunately, yes. Curse my shitty tastes in men."
Dazai just laughed, "Whatever you say. But, we need a name for the cat. Do you have any suggestions?"
The mafioso waved his hands, "You're just going to name him after some food again, aren't you? What about Chocolate, in that case?"
Dazai wrinkled his nose, "Because he's brown? How lame!"
Chuuya gasped in indignation, "Asshole, you named Popcorn that because he's golden!"
Ignoring him, and taking a look at the cat's eyes, Dazai spoke in wonder, "He has blue eyes like Chuuya."
The other shook his head fondly, "Yeah well, Popcorn has brown eyes like you. And he wears accessories like mine. Oh my god, we absolutely have to get the cat some accessories that matches yours!"
Dazai nodded sagely, "Bandage socks. Bandage socks, Chuuya. It's the cat fashion trend now."
Chuuya rolled his eyes immediately, "There's no such thing like that, oi. But we can get him a blue-stoned collar like your tie."
Dazai clapped his hands together once, "Yes! That sounds very cute."
Chuuya sighed, "Dazai, we need a name first, babe."
His partner thought for a few seconds before grinning impishly, "I named Popcorn, so I'll leave this one to you."
Of course, Chuuya glared at him for a few seconds, but then he turned back to the cat soon enough. After a minute or so, he spoke decidedly, "Caramel. His name is Caramel."
Dazai smiled knowingly, "That's because you love caramel popcorn, don't you? Like the movie theatre snack."
Chuuya pressed a gloved finger against the other's lips, "Shush. You don't know that."
Dazai laughed some more, "But I do too! It's because I know Chuuya."
The mafioso rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I know you too, you know? Anyway. The kids need food. I'm gonna go feed them."
Dazai stood up carefully, picking up Caramel, "I'll help you."
As all of them walked to the kitchen, Chuuya snorted at his partner, "You absolutely love Caramel, don't you?"
Dazai sighed fondly, pressing a kiss to the cat's head, "Yes. Absolutely, yes."
A second later, he looked down at Popcorn, before adding, "And I love you too, okay? You're not too bad anymore."
Upon hearing his husband laughing at him, he turned to face said husband as well, "And I love Chuuya too. Thanks for the cat, my beloved."
Pouring out cat food in a bowl, and dog food in another, Chuuya just gave him a simple, yet fond smile,
"You're welcome, honey."