Work Text:
(X-Factor Era)
The sound of Harry’s giggle was like water against rocks. It tickled Louis’ ears. Made him glow. This boy that he found had changed his world, not to mention the whole put into a band on a major singing competition thing. But either way he got to wake up to something amazing.
He didn’t dare call home to tell his Mum yet. To yell “I’m in love with a boy” down the phone. But someday, maybe after, when they inevitably got kicked off the show. Louis didn’t know if they’d last more than a few weeks. He didn’t know these boys, although they were very friendly with each other already. But Harry was different. Special.
Louis laughed to himself even as the thought crossed his mind.
“Hey spacey!”
Harry’s charming boy-ish voice came.
“You with me?”
“Yeah.” Louis beamed, “Yeah Haz, I’m with you.”
~~~
(2015)
Louis yawned, stretching into the big open bed. He grabbed at the pillow, pulling it against him, but it was only cold. Not warm like Harry would be. Like he should’ve been. Sleep was safe, kept Louis safe, and quiet. The real world was so loud these days. The noise never stopped. And Harry was slipping away with it.
“Make it stop. Liam! Liam!” Louis yelled down the bus.
“What?!” Liam yelled back, “Geeze, you’re so loud anymore these days Tommo. Can’t believe I ever thought you’d be the quiet one.”
Louis looked down to see Liam slipping on his Nike trainers, lacing them up.
“Where you going?”
“Rehearsal. You forget?”
“Fuck. When?”
“Uh, right now.”
~~~
“Louis!”
Louis’ head snapped up again, this time to Harry’s voice. Harry’s pure as gold 16 year old voice.
“You went away.”
“What? No I didn’t I’ve been right here.”
“Oh, well…you looked spacey. Let’s kiss some more.” Harry moved back in, his lips puckered. Louis pushed him away.
“Not now Haz. I need some water.” Louis shook his fringe out of his face, casting Harry aside. Harry sat still on the couch, looking perplexed. Niall wandered in near the door and met Harry’s eyes. He knew what they were doing, giving Harry a cheeky thumbs up, but Harry gave no response.
Louis had left the room, and was walking through the X Factor house back to his bedroom. He needed to call home.
~~~
“Every time I kiss you…it’s just like I remember. Like we never stopped.” Louis whispered against Harry’s mouth, “Why did we stop? Why did you get so cold?”
“Lou…”
“We never talk about it.”
“Louis don’t…” Harry bowed his head, “Can’t we just enjoy ourselves?”
“Do you love me Harry?”
Harry heard the break in Louis’ voice, the shivering tone underneath his words that made his heart cry. Louis had given so much of himself over the years. Even with the rumors, Eleanor, and Harry’s total detachment than everyone mistook for his own, Louis never stopped reaching. But Harry got harder and harder to get too. After Zayn had gone, Louis had gotten so clingy. He never slept alone these days, always climbing into someone’s bunk. And he tried so hard to bring Harry closer.
“Don’t ask me that. You already know.” Harry said.
Louis chuckled, his laughter masking his sarcasm.
~~~
“What’s so funny?” Zayn asked, looking up from his book.
“Zayn, mate, you need to be watching this show. It’s so funny. C’mere, c’mere.” Louis laughed loudly at the action on the screen. Harry was nuzzled against his side, but had a tentative look on his face, like he was uncomfortable. Zayn felt it wasn’t any of his business though.
“You know we should go away for a weekend.” Harry muttered.
“You and me?” Louis asked eagerly.
“No. No I meant all of us. The group. My dad’s got a bungalow up north we could stay at.”
“Oh. Yeah yeah, sounds cool. Let’s go.”
Zayn noticed the pout to Louis face as he relinquished his grip on Harry, shifting in his seat. Louis looked over at him, and Zayn suddenly felt as if he’d been spying on him.
~~~
“Bus seems quieter now without him.” Liam scoffed, “Funny isn’t it? Zayn would get lost up in that bunk and just be sketching or texting Perrie for hours, and yet you always knew he was here. You never forgot Zayn.”
“Is that what we do now?” Louis asked, sat between Harry and Niall, who was leaning on his shoulder. “Forget about him?”
“No.”
“Louis.” Niall said his name in a hushed tone.
“Sorry…not sure what to do right now.”
Harry grabbed at Louis’ hand, lacing their fingers, but didn’t say anything. Louis didn’t either, just gripped back tight.
“We do just the same. We keep going. Unless you all want too…”
“NO!” they all yelled in unison, making Liam jump a little.
“Ok. It’s decided then. We’re still One Direction.”
~~~
“One Direction?” Louis asked.
“It’s a good name I think.” Harry said, looking to where he had scribbled it down on a piece of paper.
“I love that weird little brain of yours Haz.” Louis said, brushing the boy’s hair back and kissing his cheek.
“You know, there’s one thing that came out of this that I know is going to last. No matter what happens to us, I’ll always have you.”
Louis hadn’t kissed many people in his eighteen years…wasn’t even sure he knew how…but Harry made everything feel right and easy. He’d been scared at first. Told Hannah he had feelings for a boy, and gently broke her heart, but she had been so kind.
Harry made him stupidly happy.
“Lucky me.” Louis buried his face into Harry’s shoulder, smelling him, memorizing him, just in case.
~~~
“That’s your problem Louis. You bottle everything up. You won’t talk to anyone.” Eleanor scolded him down the phone. Louis was really regretting calling her now. “You’ve got the biggest mouth but you’re good at keeping it shut.”
“Thanks??” Louis replied, scratching at his head.
“Harry’s not been seeing anyone in ages. Just bring it up. Communication. Remember? That thing you never did with me?”
He could almost see her staunchly fold her arms as she said this.
“El can we not? This is important.”
“I know.” Her tone went soft. “I know what you sound like when you really want something. You’re so stubborn Lou.”
There was a sound in the room behind him, and Louis stuttered.
“Someone there?” Eleanor asked.
“No. Thought I heard something.” Louis pulled the phone closer, tucked up against the wall in the dark.
~~~
“I did! I heard something!” Harry yelled, throwing a pillow at Niall who laughed loudly. “Don’t laugh at me.” Louis giggled, covering his mouth. He found Harry’s cross face quite adorable. “Louis! Don’t!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Louis couldn’t help laughing. “Come on guys, leave him alone alright.”
“Cute Louis.” Liam teased, “Defending your boyfriend.” He grinned.
“Not my boyfriend Li.”
Harry avoided his gaze. They had kissed again last night, snuck hands under clothes, rutted against each other until Harry came all sticky over Louis’ hand and had to sneak his pants into the laundry before the other boys saw. Louis’ whispering promises of forever and Harry didn’t know how to think that far ahead. Maybe he was moving too fast, or expecting too much. Harry could be running head first into a heart break. What if the fame got too much? What If they split up? They hadn’t won the show yet, what if they went home tomorrow?
Harry watched Louis bantering with Liam, his face and body so animated. He bounced and vibrated and made everything come alive. Harry bowed his head to Louis, though God only knew why.
“While you two are arguing I’m going to bed.” Niall announced, “You coming Harry?”
“Hmm?” Harry hadn’t been listening, “Yeah, yeah I’ll be right there. Keep my spot warm.”
Niall rolled his eyes, “Keep your own spot warm. Who am I? Your mum?”
~~~
“Mum. Mum I don’t know what to do. I never meant to hurt him.” Harry sniffled, pushing tears away as he clung to his mobile, tucked away in his hotel room. “How was I supposed to know?”
“Oh Harry….Louis never gave up on you.” Anne said calmly, “And I think part of you knows that. You kind of shut him out dear.”
“But there was no way…we couldn’t’ve…” Harry bit back against his tears, “Mum, did I make the wrong choice?”
“I can’t tell you that. But I do know that past is past and there’s no use worrying about it. The future is a whole other story though. Louis’ not gone love. Not unless you don’t do anything about it.”
Harry leaned his forehead against the wall.
“Harry?”
Harry looked up, to see Louis standing in the doorway.
“You okay?”
~~~
“Stop Louis! Get off!” Harry pushed Louis away, scowling at him, not an expression Louis saw from him very often.
“Sorry. I’m just joking.”
“Well you need to stop. No more jokes. I’m not your boyfriend…so stop acting like it.”
“Harry.” Louis frowned.
“I’m serious. Just because Eleanor’s gone doesn’t mean you get to run back to me and act like nothing ever changed. A lot’s changed Lou. You and I are different people. I don’t need you anymore.”
Louis stepped back like he’d been slapped in the face.
“No, that’s not what…” Harry took a deep breath, “I didn’t mean that. Louis you’re my best friend. And I can’t lose that.”
“You’re not going to lose me Haz.”
“But I did. I lost you for years. I could never find you. I had to run away, find someone else. But no one was ever you Louis.”
Harry never cried in front of Louis. Always ducked away just in time, buried it, was somehow able to maintain his control. But everyone had that edge. Louis was there. Right against him. Louis stepped closer, his heart fluttering. He had to look up to Harry’s eyes nowadays, but he could still see the same person there.
“I’m sorry I went away.” Louis said.
“I’m sorry too. I was scared.”
~~~’
“Do you want to kiss me again” Louis asked the younger boy.
“Yes…but I’m scared.”
“Don’t be scared. You can trust me.”
Harry bashfully looked away, “You're the first boy I ever kissed."
“That’s okay.” Louis said, crossing his legs underneath him.
“I don’t want to tell the others yet okay. Like, whatever happens. This is just for us okay?”
Louis nodded.
“If we kiss, will we be boyfriends?”
“Dunno. Do you want to be?”
“Maybe.” Harry tugged at the strings of his Jack Wills hoodie. “Kind of.”
“First things first then.” Louis skipped up to him, hands on the wall, leaning in close, “Close your eyes. You’ll know it’s me.”
~~~
Niall yelled over the noise “Lou?!”
“Yeah?”
“I said are you okay?”
Louis shook his head, “No. Not yet. But I will be.”
Around them the crowd cheered and screamed and clapped, streamers and confetti falling around them. Louis glanced in Harry’s direction and winked.