Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Donnie had always been a little odd. The only pea inside his pod, if you would. Although he would always be a part of the family, sometimes he felt that there was only room for three. Looking back, he was always like that. But the first specific memory he had was 8 years ago. The boys had started going up to the surface at night, just to get a look around. Occasionally they went in the daytime, but only when Splinter dropped them off at a Lou Jitsu dojo. Cheaper than daycare and way less questions asked about their green skin. Was it because there was nobody there? Maybe. Probably.

But it always seemed like his brothers would much rather go out and leave him behind at the dojo. To be one less thing to worry about, one less problem to deal with, when they were having fun.

- - -

“But Daaaaaad!” A 6 year old red-eared slider whines. “He always gets in trouble when we go up to the surface!” 

“He is your brother, you cannot go without him. Especially not at your age, being alone is too dangerous,” their rat father says. He pats Leonardo on the head. 

The two were standing in the living room, in front of the TV as it played a commercial. 

”But he always wanders off on his own! Even Mikey is better behaved than he is. And I’m only saying this because Raph doesn’t have the guts to!” Leo stomps his foot. 

Splinter sighs. “You have to take care of each other. Especially your twin brother. He isn’t going to be as strong as you boys.” He didn't quite know if the boys were actually twins or not, but since they were the same height and the other two boys were different ones, he assigned them their ages on that. However, definitive age aside, he would use that relationship to get his son to show a little more compassion to his other. 

”Then why does he always pick fights?! Dad, all we’re asking is one outing without him. We’ll be fast, he won’t even notice we’re gone. Just give him a book or something and he’ll shut himself in his room for hours!”

The shouting had drawn out the little turtle being talked about. He stayed in the shadowy corner, remembering what happened the last time he interrupted one of his brothers. He stared at the two in the living room, trying to remember what he read about body language to test his understanding of it. That was one of his favorite things to do. Read about something, then test to see whether or not he could do it. 

“My answer is no and that’s final. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some TV to watch.” Splinter gives his blue-clothed son a warning look before returning to his chair. Right as his show was about to continue.

Donnie shrinks into the shadows as his brother stalks off. Maybe he should just let them go without him. Or go with them and just copy whatever Leo does. That's usually what he does now to fit in with his brothers. Just minus all of the horrible jokes and one-liners. He would never sink to that level. As he sees his twin brother coming his way, Donnie pops out of the corner.

"If you don't want me around then you can just drop me off at the library." He stares at his brother with a blank expression, despite having freaked him out. He doesn't really notice.

"Where did you even come from?!" Leo asks, waving his hands around in an attempt to fight. Donnie takes a step back. 

"Well, I started in my room, but I was hungry so I went to grab some crackers, and then I heard the TV pause which Dad never does, then-"

"Alright alright! I don't care. And why would we leave you in some random building? What did you say- a salisbury?" Leo asks, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Or at least, where his nose should be. He picked up the habit from their dad, who actually posses a nose. That much Donnie had noticed.

"Library. And it's so you all can run around on the surface without having to worry about me. A simple solution, really, since Dad said you couldn't-"

"What are you talking about?" Leo cuts him off again. Donnie frowns. 

"The conversation you just had with Dad. You didn't mention me by name, but since you mentioned Raph and Mikey in reference to not the person, you had to have been talking about me. Process of elimination, dum-dum." He pokes his brother between the eyes, getting him to stop pinching his nose. If he remembered right, that meant stress. He didn't quite know what that feeling was, but he didn't want to cause it.

"I wasn't talking about you! I was talking about..." His brother draws out the word, searching his mind for an excuse. "...Leo."

Donnie raises a non-existent eyebrow. "You're Leo." How dumb does his brother think he is? Honestly very insulting how he thinks he can get away with this.

His brother gulps. "Uh- hey is that the scary musical Dad never lets you watch playing on TV?!"

He points to where their father is sitting. Donnie's eyes immediately light up. He loves being just a little rebellious. Their dad never lets him watch the movie, Little Shop of Horrors, because it's 'too scary'. Nevermind the fact that Donnie was actively searching for a way to make an Audrey II. The little turtle rushes off, leaving Leo to think of a better excuse to leave him behind next time.

---

"Alright boys, it's adventure time! Before we go, remember Dad's rules: Stick together, stay hidden, and if a random person offers you candy make Raph eat it first to make sure it's okay!"

Leo stands on the kitchen table with a dramatic hero pose. He might not be the oldest, but that doesn't stop him from acting like the leader of their group whenever it came to going out. Mostly because without Donnie, he was the only one who could actually remember anything their dad warned them about.

"Yeah, free candy!" Raph shouts.

"Not fair, I want free candy!" Mikey whines. "Maybe I can grab one of Donnie's remote control cars to get us some!"

"That's stealing, Mikey. Heroes don't do that," Raph says. Already he was big into playing hero, always being a good guy. Except when it came to normal sibling things. "But Don's stuff is up for grabs if you called dibs!"

"Sweet! So can I go grab one of his cars before we go?" Mikey asks, bouncing up and down.

"Uh no." Leo hops down from the table. "We wouldn't want to bother him. Plus, if he comes with us he might get lost again. And we have a very important pizza mission to focus on."

Raph nods. "Good thinkin' little bro. Remember last week when we couldn't find him for an hour until I thought to check that one tech store downtown?"

"Or when he was hiding in the closet when we went to that costume shop!" Mikey adds.

"Don't forget when we found him a block away trying to fit a pigeon in his bag 'to study'!" Leo laughs.

The brother in question stood outside the kitchen, peering in. He wants to go with his brothers up to the surface. Even if they do just leave him in a library, he enjoys being with them. He even made all of them gifts, since he got was riding a high from getting to watch a musical with his dad. Originally it was just going to be one thing, but once he got that project started, he figured he might as well quadruple it. All he needs are a few more parts from the city and he'll be set.

"Hey, is that him? Yo, Donnie!" Raph calls from inside the kitchen. Donnie stays still, not wanting to move and break his train of thought. He can hear his brothers, he just doesn't want to lose focus by responding to them. Whatever it is they need to say, they can just say it.

"Donald? Yoo-hoo?" 

He doesn't want to worry his brothers when on the surface, so when they drop him off at the library he needs to remember not to get distracted. Go in, grab a few books on circuitry, leave, go to the tech store, then get back to the library before anyone notices. Should be easy.

"Don-Don? Dude, can you even hear us?"

The only problem is if he runs into his brothers on the street. Or anyone else for that matter. If he sticks to the rooftops he won't have to interact with crowds, but if he falls trying to get up then he'll get hurt on account of his soft shell. Maybe if he-

His thought trail is broken when he feels someone shaking him. He flinches away, kicking whoever touched him in the face. It was pure knee-jerk reaction, developed from living with Leo and his surprise attacks. But once Donnie comes to his senses, he realizes it was Mikey.

"Are you okay?" He asks. To himself, he sounded worried. But judging from what he read on body language, his other two brothers didn't think so. What also might be a hint is the way Raph is cracking his knuckles like he's about to punch his little brother. And Leo glaring at him.

"Why would you hurt Mikey?" Raph growls. He's trying to sound intimidating, but his voice is just so high that Donnie doesn't find it so.

"I wasn't trying to. He scared me." He looks over at the youngest brother, who has stood back up and looks fine. He gives him a thumbs-up, which is very much lost on the older brother.

"He called your name like, four times Don," Leo says. He helps his littlest brother up while the biggest towers over Donnie, who just simply nods.

"I know. But then he grabbed me." He doesn't get why, but he's always had more extreme reactions when surprised, especially when they're physical. He hates being touched, simple as that. Maybe it makes him the odd one out in his family, but he doesn't care. Why should he?

"I'm sorry Donnie, I forgot," Mikey apologizes, but the other two brothers shush him.

"It's not your fault Mikey. But Donnie, you don't get to come with us tonight." Raph crosses his arms and tries to look mean. The impact is lost on Donnie, who saw him practicing that pose in the mirror for 43 minutes earlier that day. But he nods anyway and walks back to his room. He knows one unofficial rule of the household: When Dad's not around, Raph's in charge. And Dad will usually side with Raph on everything, so it's useless to argue.

He sits on his bed, left wondering to himself why they all get so mad at him all the time. He didn't even hurt his brother! Yesterday when they were wrestling, Mikey bit Donnie in the arm, but he didn't get in trouble. He sighs. His brothers are weird sometimes. But it looks like he won't even have to worry his brothers tonight. Since he's not going with them to the surface, they won't have to think about his location.

"Alright Don-Tron. We can't mess this up," The little turtle tells himself. "In and out. Stay hidden." With that, he slips out the ceiling, well after his brothers had already left. He's getting those parts, with or without them. 

- - - 

That might have been the first time, and it most certainly wasn't the last. It always seemed like his brothers knew something Donnie didn't, like a secret code or language between them. It was always part of the reason he dove so far into academics and training. If he could understand what makes everything tick, he could understand his brothers too. Even if they also didn't quite understand him.

Chapter Text

When the boys got to the age where they were always play fighting, it didn't take long for Mikey to realize Donnie couldn't handle it. Not to the same degree as the others. He noticed first because he and Donnie were always the first to lose in a fight and have to sit on the sideline. Plus, Raph was too young to know his own strength, but mostly only worried about hurting the youngest. Mikey. And Leo didn't notice because he was too busy being trying to win at all costs. He didn't have time to focus on any little injuries he caused along the way.

So became a routine. After every day of roughhousing, Mikey and Donnie would sneak off into a different room to fix up Donnie's injuries so nobody would notice. Usually they kept the others distracted by putting on a Jupiter Jim movie. Then Raph would get excited and hug the nearest thing, which always happened to be Leo, who would stay there without a fight. Almost like he enjoyed getting hugged by his big brother. Weird.

"They really beat you up this time, huh?" Mikey asks, rifling through the first aid kit on the floor.

"Oh please, most of this was you. Except for where Raphael bit me. Gross." Donnie spins around in a chair while waiting for his brother to get the supplies. His own arms were too short to reach his back, which is totally the only reason he lets his brother help him.

"I'm just happy you're actually playing with us now. If you don't want your butt kicked next time, then we should totally stay up and watch a bunch of Lou Jitsu movies and learn all the moves. Maybe together we can actually beat Raph!" Mikey suggests, springing up once he finds the bandages and .

"But we always beat him already," Donnie says, face twisting in confusion. And pain, once he lets Mikey touch his shell. Despite his claims, he does not have a delicate touch. There were several scratches all over and bruises underneath. Nothing horrible, but nothing that can't be helped immediately either.

"Yeah yeah, I know. But he lets us do that so we don't get sad. How else could we beat him when he's twice our size?" He first cleans out the bite mark Donnie has on the side of his shell.

Raph, despite being a gentle giant, does not hold back sometimes. He doesn't quite know his own strength yet, and Mikey says that seeing the injuries Donnie gets from playing would only cause Raph to make Donnie sit out. Obviously, Mikey doesn't want that. Not when his quiet brother has just started to open up.

"Shut it, I'm supposed to be the smart one." Donnie pushes his brother playfully.

"Uh-huh. Then what am I supposed to be?" Mikey asks. He starts looking around for the ice packs, which are hidden somewhere in Donnie's room. They weren't actually hidden, since Leo brought them in himself. But he immediately forgot where he left them. 

"I think..." Donnie pauses as he starts thinking. Never a good sign if Mikey wants something to go by fast. "You're the free spirit, artistic one. Like you'll usually never be the main focus of an episode, but you still make an impact and care. Everyone will still focus on you though because you're the lovable, youngest sibling type-"

Mikey silently gets up and starts walking around the room. He considers leaving, now that Donnie's in speech mode he wouldn't even notice. He keeps moving around, so Mikey can't even help heal his shell properly. Several minutes pass before Donnie catches Mikey's gaze and goes silent.

"Sorry, I was reading a lot about character stuff and thought it would help me relate to you guys." He looks down, a little embarrassed. 

"Nonono, it's fine. You just talk a lot. And move when you talk. When you do that I can help ice your shell," Mikey assures him, shrugging like it doesn't bother him at all. Yes, he can hear the really good part of JJ about to start and he'd rather go and watch than do this, but he's not going to leave. Yet.

"I'm sorry. I actually found out why my shell is so weird. See, it turns out that we're all actually separate species of turtle! I'm a softshell, or a Trionychidae if we want to get scientific!" Donnie giggles. "Judging by your shell marks, you're an ornate box turtle! Originally native to the uh- the one place. Hold on let me think-" 

Donnie spins around in his chair again, trying to remember all the cool facts he had learned not two days ago. But his brother doesn't seem interested. Instead, he just sets down the ice pack on the desk and walks out.

"If you don't stay still I can't help you. And you look fine on your own, so I'm gonna go watch TV with the others. Cool? Cool. See ya!" He zips out of the room and over to where the brothers had crowded around the TV.

Donnie sighs. He only wanted to hold a proper conversation with his brother. He wanted to know these things anyway! Just the other day Leo was asking a lot of questions about why his shell wasn't as strong as the others and if it was because he was such a big softie it made it soft. Donnie then asked what he meant and Leo just didn't reply. Confusing. When he was confused, Donnie would always go on a research spree. That's what led him to today.

Plus, the bandages Mikey put on just fell off. 

- - -

Over time, that routine evolved into making a med-bay for after battles. Or very intense lair games.

"Hey Angelo, I think I sprained my ankle. Can we go over to the me-" 

"No time, Donnie D. I need some rest myself or I'll never sleep tonight," Mikey says. His brother frowns and gives him an upset look.

"You know, it's not easy for me to ask for your help. And my battle shell got completely wrecked in that fight, so I need some help fixing my organic one." He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. He'd think that Mikey of all turtles would be willing to help him. Where's Dr. Delicate Touch?

"Ughghghhhhh, can't you make a robot to help you or something? I'm tired," Mikey complains.

"Oh yes, let me just invent something real quick to heal every injury ever," Donnie says in his sarcastic tone. The one Mikey doesn't ever pick up on.

"Okay, great! I'll help you next time, I swear!" He dashes off, leaving his brother alone and a little disappointed. 

With a sigh, he walks back to his room. What did he expect, anyway? Mikey could never focus on one thing at a time, he was always off doing his own thing. Being his own person. Donnie feels like he should be the same, but when push comes to shove and he's left without his tech, he really isn't much of anything. Just a weak softshell who needs his brothers more than they will ever need him. He feels the wave of anxiety and confusion start to crash over him as he sits in his chair. Anxiety, bad. Not something he likes to feel. But confusion he can deal with.

Because what he always does when he's confused is look for answers. He powers up his computer and starts looking. What he's looking for, he isn't sure. It's a cross between some sort of emotional support forum and an instant cure for minor injuries. When he stops to think about it, he could probably make both of those if given enough time. But he doesn't have the energy to right now, with the exhaustion of fighting crime slowly sinking into his muscles.

After a little while, he finds one of the things he was looking for. A website for connecting with people and them helping you. It won't fix his broken battle shell or hurt ankle, but maybe it could prevent him from needing help with those things in the future.

New user detected. What is your purpose? Select all that apply.

1: Seeking guidance in life.

2: Struggling with making connections.

3: Familial issues.

4: Friendship issues.

5: Romantic Issues.

6: Struggling to find a purpose.

7: Feelings of dread, anxiety, or depression.

Very interesting. This sort of thing might have all the answers he needs. Hopefully in the form of some sort of book or video-taped college lecture. He clicks on options 2 and 3, silently debating on 6 as well. He shrugs and clicks that one too. What's wrong with a little extra help?

Please enter a username. One of our helpers will be connected with you shortly.

Donnie immediately starts to type his usual username, BootyyyShak3r9000. But he stops himself. This is a secret account, and if someone he knows is also on the site then they'll recognize him immediately. He should go for something different. He thinks to himself for a bit. He doesn't like changing things, but if he does it has to be good. Improved and innovative. Though that criteria is usually for his tech, not a username.

Welcome, OthelloVRyan!

A pseudonym that only one person would recognize. But Donnie feels assured that if April inexplicably found his account, she wouldn't say anything. At least not without asking him first. 

User 1: Hello, OthelloVRyan! I'm Kenny. It seems like you doubt yourself a lot. Why is that?

Donnie pauses as the message types itself across the screen. If this website already knows that about him, it must be well designed. Impressive. But ugh, talking to people. While typing with them isn't as bad as face-to-face, it still sucked. He glances around the screen. There really is no book he can read instead on this.

User 2: I don't doubt myself. He types. I worry about my usefulness to my

He stops typing. Even though this is the internet, he doubts anyone would take him seriously if he tells them he's a mutant turtle that fights crime with his brothers. He finishes typing.

club.

User 1: Tell me about your club. What is it? Who's making you feel that way?

User 2: Well, it's not much of a club. It's me and my three brothers, and we're all homeschooled. 

He doesn't know how to make an intricate enough lie on the spot about a fake club, but this is close enough to the truth. Though to be frank, their homeschooling was all 'home' and no 'school'. Donnie isn't quite sure if Raph even knows division.

User 1: Would it help if got out of the house a bit? Maybe you only feel without a use because you can't see from an outside perspective how important you are.

User 2: Are you saying I should go to a public school?

Donnie moves his hands away from the keyboard. He's been to a public school before. April's, obviously. And while teenagers can be gross and acne-ridden, he quickly found out that acne doesn't make humans green. So he doesn't have a good excuse for his turtle skin. Also, for some odd reason, masks and tech-bos are against the school dress code. Super weird.

User 1:  Sure! Here is a list of the nearest public schools to your area:

Donnie clicks on the link, ignoring all internet safety laws he's learned. He'll be fine, especially after he upgraded the security on his family's internet. He scrolls through, looking for a good high school with an engineering program. That way, he can invent all day and have something to show for 'not leaving his room'. He feels excitement start to bubble up inside him as he finds the perfect school. Prestigious, lots of funding to the STEM department, and hoods are not against the dress code. He enrolls himself without a second thought. It's really lucky for him that tomorrow is the start day.

"DONNIE! RAPH BROKE YOUR BO STAFF!" A shout from across the lair rings through Donnie's ears. He clenches his fists. 

"RAPH." He storms out of his room. Any reservations he had about sneaking out behind his family's backs vanishes in that moment. "I HOPE YOUR SHELL IS STRONGER THAN IT LOOKS!"

Chapter Text

The first month of sneaking out went really well. He went out for eight hours a day, though he does have to rush back home on his lunch break. That's the only time Raph dares enter his room to force him to eat, so if he's not there when that happens then his cover is blown. Luckily, he has three backup plans for that. Honestly, that might be one of the most fun parts of sneaking out. Planning his every move and having strict schedules and plans for every outcome, it's something he thrives in doing.

This may also be the first place where he's been able to easily talk with people. Since Donnie usually confines himself to the engineering wing and library, he meets mostly introverted nerds like himself. But once they start talking, which admittedly took a long time, Donnie's realized he's never felt so seen before. He loves his brothers for all that they are, but they are not engineers. They are not programmers. They are not mechanics.

Donnie sits in the back of a computer lab, listening to the nerdy chatter around him. It's like nothing he's ever experienced before. Internet chat rooms can only get him so far.

"Yeah so anyway, I started making some CAD for this thing-"

"I spent all night just programming one part of the new security system!"

"Do you think if I change this from float to long in Java that it'll run smoother?"

"Can you believe they're paying me to be at a library? I mean sure I'm working, but still-"

"My new parts finally shipped!" One person says to Donnie. He takes a deep breath and tries to focus on just that person. It's hard when there are so many conversations around, all about things he loves, but he can do this.

"That's great! What are you using 'em for?" Donnie asks, spinning his chair to face the person. He likes them the most because although he's never found out their name (Donnie swears it changes every time he hears it), they wear matching hoodies. With the hood up. So they both have a sort of mysterious vibe to them. Though Donnie is fairly certain this guy just has bad acne and isn't hiding a turtle mutation like he is.

"Oh, I'm building this robot. The idea is that it works as a sort of back armor plate, but also stores a bunch of things inside. Screens, robotic claws, et cetera. Just generally cool stuff. It'd be so cool to show off at the Self-Defense Tech Fair in a few months," They say. Donnie's eyes light up when he hears this. One, that's basically his battle shell. That means he thought of it first but can also help his new friend design one. Two, TECH FAIR. Could his life get any better?

"Omigosh, I totally have plans for what you're describing. We need to meet up after school and work on it!! I bet I've got a lot of the parts you need, so I can just go home and grab those and be right back here in a few." Looks like he'll miss dinner with the family tonight, but he's pretty sure Mikey is making brussel sprouts again. So instead he'll have a delicious pizza while building things all night. Way better in every way.

"Coolio! Meet in this room or down in the mech shop?" His friend asks.

"Oh I usually come in by the mech shop backdoor, so we can meet down there," Donnie says.

The friend laughs. "There's nothing but sewer pipes out there. Nice joke. But we chill for shop?"

Donnie just smiles blankly and nods. Was that a joke? Or a really lucky cover-up? Eh, whatever. He has a plan for if anyone gets suspicious. Twelve, actually. But since four of those involve nuclear weapons or bombs, he'd rather not use them. Leo always tells him it's a 'bad idea' to use explosives, and that they can 'cause harm to others'.

But of course, life can't always be planned. Especially not with his three dumb-dumb brothers back home and a whole lot of mutant villains on the loose in the city. The life of a crime-fighter is never restful for long.

- - -

"Guys guys guys! Emergency!" Mikey shouts through the halls of the lair, banging two pans together. Sure, he could send a group text. But why would he when this is more fun?

Two of his brothers come rushing out to the garage. One a little more gracefully than the other, since Raph trips trying to not trip over Leo. Instead, he trips over himself.

"What is it, Mikey?? Someone in trouble?" Raph asks, getting up and brushing himself off.

"Someone in need of our amazing heroism?" Leo says, mockingly flipping the loose parts of his blue mask as though it were hair.

"April just texted me and she's got some important news. Hypno and that one worm dude are terrorizing the town! She heard them shout something about a mystic rock. Or something else. Definitely mystic, maybe on it being a rock," Mikey says, sitting down to try and remember. He immediately forgets the bigger problem of villains on the loose.

"Okay, well let's grab the Don-Man and go!" Leo says. "I've been in the mood to kick some hippo butt anyway."

"Yeah, where is he anyway?" Raph asks, looking around for the absent brother. It's midday, so he can't imagine he's doing anything that important. He's also usually the first one to know when there's trouble in the city with all of his crime detection software.

"Probably stuck in his room because another one of his inventions crashed and blocked the door. I'll go get him," Leo says, his annoyed tone matching his eye roll. He saunters off to go find his nerd of a brother.

"No, it definitely was a rock," Mikey says with a nod. "Wait! What if it's a crystal?"

"Not important right now, Mike. Where's Hypno anyway? And is April okay?"

"Yes, downtown, and yes," Mikey answers, getting inside the turtle tank. "She saw it outside of her school, so they're on lockdown now." She'd expressed her annoyance over that after telling the turtles about the trouble.

Raph snorts. "That's gotta be like, the fourth time this week."

Meanwhile, the blue-clothed brother walks toward Donnie's lab.

"Hellooooo! Donnie D, we got a super important mission right now. C'mon, let's go," He says in the doorway, not quite inside the room. He knocks on the wall, knowing how his brother gets when people go into his lab without permission. Something about privacy, dangerous experiments, don't you remember the reason none of you have eyebrows anymore, you could damage something, blah blah blah.

"Yoo, Leo! Your bro's working on a super important thing right now, he'll be with you in a few. Why don't you wait outside while he wraps up?" Shelldon pops out from seemingly nowhere, getting up in Leo's face so he can't see inside the lab. He swats him away, ducking under the flying robot.

"I can help him clean up later. But this is kinda incredibly important. DONNIE! Get out here NOW!" He shouts, going a few steps inside. Again, Shelldon gets back in front of him, making Leo take a few steps back out of the room.

"Yoo, Leo! Your bro's working on a super important thing right now, he'll be with you in a few. Why don't you wait outside while he wraps up?"

Leo frowns, now suspicious. This is an automated response, which means Shelldon is hiding something. The robot doesn't know how to lie unless specifically told how to. Told how to by Donnie.

"You on autopilot or something dude?" He pokes the robot. "Let me through, man!" He tries to get past the robot, but it's exactly like when the real Donnie doesn't want Leo in his room. He just takes up the entire doorway and doesn't let him go past.

Big difference between a tiny robot and Donnie though, robots can get damaged with less remorse. But since Leo isn't that heartless, he just sword-ports right in. Moving three feet is a lot easier than several miles, as it turns out, so he actually gets in safely.

"This is getting weird now Donnie. Stop hiding and let's go, or Raph and Mikey will start to think we're flaking on them." The slider looks around the room, which is unusually clean. Normally when Donnie gets himself super focused on something, he doesn't think to clean the area. Pizza boxes, napkins, water bottles, broken tools, and bits of scrap metal should be everywhere, seeing as Donnie's supposedly been super focused for weeks now. To be honest, it was surprising that he even left his room in the late afternoon. That was pretty much the only time Leo had seen his brother in a while. He misses him, but he's been yelled at enough times to know not to interrupt him while he's working anymore.

Because the room was so well-kept, it wasn't hard for Leo to realize that someone was missing. That someone being Donnie. The softshell was nowhere to be seen.

"Shelldon..." He asks slowly, turning to the robot he had just snuck past. "Where's my brother?"

"Please specify which one. And also, Donatello said that I shouldn't tell you guys what everyone's locations are because you aren't supposed to know about the trackers!"

Once that very quick shock passes, Leo facepalms. For something that his smart brother programmed, Shelldon wasn't always the brightest. Maybe because of the lack of lying, which is a good thing right now.

"Donatello. Obviously. Why else would I be in his room?! Is he safe? Has he been kidnapped?" Leo asks, his volume rising. He can't decide if he's mad, confused, or worried. Where's his brother? If he was anywhere else in the lair, Shelldon wouldn't have been so insistent that Leo doesn't go in the lab.

"LEO! What's taking so long?!?!" Raph shouts in the distance. Leo doesn't respond. He chooses then that he's mad. Mad at Donnie for not talking to him, for disappearing randomly, for not being here when the city needs him! Does he even want to be a hero?!

"Oh yeah, dude's totally fine." The robot floats over to his charging panel on Donnie's desk. A wave of relief hits Leo like a truck. It clears the way for his anger and confusion to take hold.

"Then where is he?" Leo demands. He clenches his fist, not wanting to freak out on the purple drone. He's Donnie's creation and he's very attached. After the Smart Lair incident, Leo can say he's significantly less attached.

"That is a great question bro. Let me just do a quick system update before I give you the answer!" Shelldon says, somehow looking nervous despite not technically being alive and emotional.

Leo groans. Clearly, his brother is hiding something. He'll just have to figure out what after the mission. If he even gets to talk to him after. The slider is not in the mood to get yelled at for being a nuisance, but that may be the only way he sees his brother. Assuming his brother gets back from wherever he is.

"You know what, Shelldon my boy? Tell Donnie that I don't care. We're leaving without him and we'll be fine because he always messes everything up anyway!" He storms off. In his gut, he immediately feels bad for saying that. But if his brother isn't even going to bother telling his brothers anything, then he doesn't get to be included. He wishes his twin would include him more. How hard is it to send a simple text saying he's leaving for a bit?!

- - -

Several miles away, that brother is panicking. He's seen the alerts Shelldon has sent him and he needs an excuse to get out of class quick. He fidgets with his hands nervously, trying to think. All of his plans and protocols leave his memory when he needs them most.

"Mr. Teacher Man, I feel sick!" Donnie says, louder than he means to. He doesn't even wait for his teacher's reply before running out of the classroom.

Okay, Donatello. Let's run backup plan 4-B. He thinks to himself. Deep breath. Calm down. Unlike his brothers, he actually has plans for almost everything. That way, nothing can throw him off guard.

He dashes out of the building and starts loading up the trackers he definitely doesn't have on his brothers. To be fair, they're on their weapons, not their bodies. Okay, they haven't left the lair yet. Donnie glances around for his battle shell, which he then realizes he left in his locker. It takes up the entire space, but it's a worthy storage sacrifice. He vaguely remembers thinking about grabbing it before leaving, before remembering the plans he made earlier. The battle shell is at the center of it essentially, and he cannot mess up talking to new people right now.

He runs as fast as he can, slipping into the sewers at the first opportunity. He calls one of his flying inventions, hoping it will reach him in time. And still, work. Most of his stuff connects to his battle shell now, since he rarely goes without it on. But it's so bulky and hard to hide, especially when trying to blend in with humans. It's troublesome to carry both it and his backpack, not to mention the back strain he'd be under.

The mutant turtle is a purple blur as he runs through the sewers. The dark, dingy walls and awful smell don't serve to lessen his panic. But the silence and lack of bright colors lessen the strain on his senses, allowing him to focus on calming the hell down. Maybe his brothers just wanted to play some video games with him. Or were trying to get him to take a break from his work. It's not an emergency, probably.

But the lair is empty once he reaches it. Except for Splinter, of course. The guy never leaves his chair.

"Dad, where is everyone?" Donnie asks, his voice not revealing his fear. If everyone's gone then they left without him. The only time he's left behind is when they go on missions in pairs or when he gets a new video game and doesn't leave his screen until he's beaten it. Those are the only exceptions. But maybe they went on an errand run.

"Oh, they just went out. Something about a large hippopotamus and Blue's magic obsession," Splinter says flippantly, clearly more focused on the TV than his son.

Nope, not an errand run. He's missed a mission. It's not like it hasn't happened before, but this time it's not out of laziness or working on something to actually help the team. What's worse is that Shelldon's alert tells him that his brothers noticed his absence.

"Did they take the car?" Donnie asks, rushing over to the garage. He knows his dad probably won't answer anyway.

When he gets there, he expects it to be empty. His brothers drive that car every chance they get. Sure, they never thanked Donnie for building it for them, but it getting used was thanks enough. And the garage is empty, apart from one thing. His brother, Raph. Who even Donnie can tell is not happy.

"Where were you?! Are you okay!!?? Leo said you weren't in your room and to leave without you, but if something happened to you then I wanted to be here-" Raph says, his face twisted into his usual Raph-Chasm. The snapping turtle hugs his younger brother tightly, terrified that he could have been hurt.

"I'm fine! Stop worrying and let's go," Donnie says, looking around for another mode of transportation for the both of them. He tries and fails to wiggle out of his brother's hold. His heartbeat is pounding in his ears and he can't be bothered to think up an excuse right now. He can't miss a mission. He has to make up for it.

"No. Because I trust that our brothers can handle themselves. Now, since you're okay you're going to tell me why you left New York to be destroyed," Raph says, his concern turning to anger real quick. He lets go of the hug but keeps a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Question," Donnie says, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. "Can you give me like five minutes to think of a reasonable excuse?"

"Absolutely not. Tell. Me. Now."

Donnie gulps. Perhaps this was a bigger emergency than he thought. But he missed it because he's pursuing his dream of being a student. His brother can't be mad because he has interests outside of hero work, pizza, and skateboarding, right?

"I may have joined a school..." He mumbles. The softshell refuses to look at his brother as he says it.

Spoiler alert: He can and will be mad. According to Raph, it's needlessly risky. Something about how he can learn at home, going out secretly puts him, the family, and the city in danger, and sharing his inventions could lead to a lot of problems with non-mutant/yokai folk. It's kind of hard to make out what Raph's saying, since he's shouting very loudly, and Donnie does not like loud noises. Why Mikey usually tends to be his favorite brother though, he doesn't know.

"We can't protect everyone on our own. People got hurt, Donnie. Because you went and left your duty. We let you run off with your machines because they help the team, but this is too far. And you didn't even tell us!" Raph shouts. "If you had just asked, or at least said something-"

"Well, it's not my fault you didn't notice! I just wanted to be somewhere different! With people who are like me!" Donnie looks up at him, fighting back his angry tears. This was his happy place, somewhere he felt understood! It's not like he's there forever either. Why does Raph think it's such a big deal?

"We respected your space, Donnie! How is that a bad thing?! And did you ever consider we want you to hang out with you too?! I thought I was just helping you by not distracting you, but then I find out you've actually been leaving! On your own! Unsupervised and putting everyone in danger!! You are grounded. You're not leaving unless it's on a mission, which you will be present for." Raph crosses his arms like it's final.

"Scoff."

"What was that?" He turns back around, clearly annoyed that the conversation isn't over.

"You can't ground me. You're not our father," Donnie says, giving his brother a look. He dares him to challenge what he said.

"Yeah, but I'm still your brother. Though right now I wish I wasn't so I don't have to be responsible for your mistakes!"

"Well good news. In case you haven't noticed, Raphael, we're all completely different species of turtle. The only thing we share is being mutant! We aren't brothers."

They go silent, the faint sound of TV filling the space between them. Both look at each other, Donnie very aware this is the longest he's held eye contact with another person. It's uncomfortable, to say the least.

"You really think that?" Raph asks, looking down. His voice is hushed, like if he says it any louder Donnie might snap again.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. Now I'm going to leave and be with people who actually care."

Donnie walks off without a second glance at his brother.

"I care..." Raph mutters, voice barely even a whisper. Still, Donnie, full of anger and spite, turns back to him.

"You don't act like it."

- - -

Welcome back, OthelloVRyan. Connecting you with an assistant now. . . . .

User 1:  Hello! It's Kenny again, how may I help you?

User 2:  It's my brothers again. If I can even call them that. One of them is super overprotective!! He doesn't think I can handle myself without supervision but at the same time thinks he's being the best by never talking to me. He yelled at me for coming home to help them!

User   1:  It's not your fault. They never even noticed you were gone, and for a full month nonetheless! You don't have anything to apologize for.

Donnie looks at the screen. It was the first time his vanishing act had ever been noticed. Sure he was angry that his brother grounded him for it, but playing back the conversation in his head he could understand Raph's worry. A spike of anxiety hits him in the heart as he starts to realize what he said.

User 2:  Are you sure?? Because I feel really bad for what I said, and I usually don't feel things in extremes.

User 1:  Apologize if you want, but you should know that you're the better one here. Honestly, I'd love it if you joined my tech club since you're very capable. We'd take care of you.

Donnie squints at his computer screen. Sure, he's upset and this person's here to help. But is all the flattery necessary? He's not used to being complimented, so an excessive amount raises more suspicion than it does happiness.

User 2:  Why do you keep saying those things? How I'm so smart and capable and cool?

User 1:  Because they're true and you don't seem to realize them for yourself.

Well, if they say so. Maybe it is time for Donatello to fly solo. He's the one supplying all the tech to the team anyway and he knows how much they rely on it. Still, maybe he should talk with his brothers. It'll be like data collection. Find out what they think and what they'll do and if the results are bad then his choice is made. He'll stay if even one person cares.

Chapter Text

When the brothers had gotten their first real ninja weapons, Donnie was excited at first. Until he realized his bō staff was basically just a wooden stick, which could break very easily against any of his brother's shells. So being his young and determined self, he decided some improvements were in order.

"I dunno about this Donnie. It looks a little... unstable?" Raph says, pushing his fingers together nervously.

"What he's trying to say, Tello, is that we don't think it'll work," Leo interjects. He leans on Donnie's shoulder, who immediately brushes him off.

"Well prepare to eatith thy words, brothers. I have tested this thing so many times, the possibility of failure is..." Donnie checks his wrist plate, running the numbers. Mostly for dramatic effect, but also just to double-check. He gulps when he sees them. 64% chance of failure. Not good. "Very low. It's very low."

He holds up his bō staff, the rocket launcher on top wobbling a little. He adjusts his glasses, hoping that they wouldn't fall off his face and get destroyed in the next five minutes. It happened a lot more frequently than his father expected when he got him glasses. Guess he forgot that none of the turtles quite have noses.

"Oooh oooh!" Mikey shouts. "Big button!! Can I push it Donnie?? Pleaseeeeeeeee?"

Donnie looks at his youngest brother, considering the possibility. 

"You wreck everything you touch. Here you go." He hands the staff to him. "Do not touch the red button, press the orange one. It's color-coded so it hopefully won't-"

"Boop!" 

He pressed the red button. Donnie can't decide if he wants to scream or groan. But since his brothers are all screaming as the rocket bounced off the walls of the lair, crashing into things with the imminent threat of explosion, he decides on screaming too.

"GET DOWN!" Raph shouts.

"MIKEY!" Donnie jumps on top of his younger brother, who had retreated into his shell.

"I've got it!" Leo shouts. He grabs his sword and starts flailing around with it, until it hits the rocket staff.

It hits the floor and shatters into dozens of pieces. 

"My baby...!" Donnie whisper-shouts. He looks at the hours of work he had put in, now a million bits of metal on the floor. He feels something inside him die a little. This was his big chance! He could show his brothers how cool technology could be. And maybe how cool their own brother could be.

Everything goes still after that, as the turtles ease out of their fight-or-flight modes and see the mess that their living room has become. Cracks and dents in the walls, papers and take-out boxes spread everywhere, some mystery spills, and so, so much more. Donnie could keep on observing and listing everything damaged in his head, had his older brothers not turned to him with scarily angry expressions. Though Raph was significantly scarier, seeing as he's been proven to be able to beat Donnie in a fight every time. Leo, on the other hand...

"Donatello..." Raph says, approaching his younger brother.

"I'm sorry," Donnie looks down at his feet. "Are you mad?" He knows this isn't good. But he can't decide if he's more upset about the potential to get in trouble or the embarrassment he has to face from his brothers. It's not easy trying to fit in and ending up a failure.

"Nooo, of course not? Why would I be mad when you destroyed our home?" Raph says, crossing his arms across his chest.

"So you're not mad?" Donnie asks, daring to look up again.

"OF COURSE I'M MAD! DAD'S GONNA KILL US!"

"Hey, back off Raph! He said he's sorry!" Leo jumps in, putting himself between his twin and older brother. "And yeah this is really annoying to clean but it's not like it's not like it's any worse than when we introduced Mikey to paint!" He glances over at the youngest brother, who was currently trying to either fingerpaint the floor or cover up the cracks in the walls with paint. Or both. It's hard to tell. He wasn’t fazed in the slightest by the near-death experience.

"I'm just gonna- go-" Donnie shrinks away and to a corner. He can still clean up and stay out of everyone's way. Interfering with an older brother fight was not a good decision, even if it was technically about him.

"Now look what you've done, Raph. Tello, you don't have to hide. We can fix this together, since we're such amazing brothers." Leo grins and motions for his brother to come out of the corner. He shoos his older brother away to go clean up.

"Fantastic! Because I'm going to need all those pieces to rebuild again. I'll probably also have to ask Papa to go get me some more steel, nails, and a hammer since the other one broke..." He starts to count on his fingers all the things he needs to get. Unfortunately, it's more than six and he runs out of fingers.

"You're making it again?! But it was a total fail." Leo gestures to the former rocket on the floor.

"Oh but that's the best part, this has so much room for improvement! You see, my first mistake was having too many buttons. They overcomplicate it and made the wiring messy-"

"Donnie."

Donnie stops mid-sentence and meets his brother's eyes, if only for a second. If he can rebuild this and be successful, it'll make up for the mistakes today. It'll maybe even get his brothers to admit he's not a weirdo or a nerd. Or at least say he's a cool nerd.

"Are you crazy? Your tech bō just destroyed the lair!" Leo's face twists in confusion. He just cannot understand why his brother does things sometimes.

"I know. That's why I'm going to improve it. Also, tech bō is a great name for my staff, I'm using that." Donnie grins, not picking up on his brother's agitation. He said his apologies and Leo defended him, so he shouldn't also be mad, that wouldn't make sense.

"Aw, thank you- Then why are you so calm about this?!" Leo waves his arms around, voice volume rising as he starts to realize just how much work is cut out for them.

"Shush. This is all fixable. And not a big deal," Donnie says, holding up a finger to his brother's face. He flips his goggles on, switching them out with his glasses so he can find all the pieces easier. He has to fix this.

"We all could have gotten hurt!" Raph adds, dumping a pile of pizza boxes in the recycling pile.

"We all didn't. You should be glad I didn't make the rocket radioactive. I would have, but we don't have uranium..." Donnie starts to space out, thinking of all the wonderful possibilities. If only Splinter allowed him access to more chemicals.

"You can make it have a radio!? Do that instead!" Mikey shouts from across the room. His face is covered in colors, smeared on his shell and dripping off his face. He wasn’t going to help clean up. But if he did, he might make things even messier.

Donnie's shoulders slump in disappointment. He needs to get all his brothers in school. Or at least get more educational channels on the TV. The Science of Chairs channel is his personal favorite, but it doesn’t seem to interest anyone in the family.

"Okay, build it again or whatever," Raph caves. He tries so hard to be a tough older brother and fails so hard most of the time.

"Just don't launch it where Dad can see," Leo dictates. He holds out his hand for Donnie to shake.

"Deal." He looks down at Leo's hand, giving him a confused high-three.

Leo grins at his strange brother. He's odd, but in a good way. He's got determination. But Leo's smile quickly drops when he sees his youngest brother. "Mikey stop eating the paint- RAPH HE'S EATING THE PAINT!"

"He's gonna die then," Donnie says, looking over at his brother, paint tube in mouth.

"WHAT?!" Raph shouts, rushing over to Mikey and slapping the tube out of his mouth. He shakes his brother frantically. "Hang in there brO!"

Leo looks over at Donnie, who gives him a look. They both burst out laughing.

"Guys this is serious!!" Raph says, still shaking Mikey violently.

"It was just so sparkly..." Mikey mumbles. He holds up the tube of what is assumed to be paint. 

"Toothpaste?!"

- - -

Those were easier times. They were just kids, so any mistake was forgiven easily. Their grudges held as long as their attention spans did. So not very long at all.

Now though... it was like they expected more and less from him at the same time. Like right now, in the middle of a fight against a bunch of very angry mystic pizza place patrons. Something about a restaurant named 'Run of the Mill' made them expect ten-star quality. Which isn't even real. It ends at five stars! You cannot go over. Or under, in this case.

"I'm giving this place NEGATIVE STARS! I'm going to run this place into the ground and KILL ALL OF YOU!!" A very angry yokai- perhaps a squid of some sort- shouts. Leo jumps in front of him, sword in hand and facing the enemy.

"Listen, amigo. This is the best mystic pizza place in town. We've already seen many of our favorite pizza places crumble and we're not letting you take this one too!"

"Or kill people!" Donnie adds.

"Yeah, or kill people." Leo steps forward, hesitant to actually engage in combat while Hueso was watching. As scared as the skeleton  was of these customers, he wouldn't hesitate to ban the turtles if they wrecked the place.

But he pales as he sees the squid yokai start flipping tables, spreading their rage to other customers. 

"Okayyyyy, huddle up team!" Leo turns on his heel back to his brothers. They duck behind a booth to avoid the flying chairs and tables.

"Guys, I have a plan. My latest bō addition, the-" Donnie turns a bit, reaching to his back for his tech bo, before remembering he didn’t wear his battle shell today. An oversight on his part, but he wasn’t exactly expecting to get into a fight while picking up dinner.

"I've got a plan!" Raph talks over him. "We smash, smash, SMASH!"

"Uh Raph, we can't smash anything or we'll get banned," Leo points out. He ignores the sound of several pizza trays crashing to the ground near them.

"Okay, we smash these guys' faces in with our mystic weapons," Raph edits. Three of the brothers hold up their weapons, the slight glow giving them a lot of unearned confidence. 

"But if you guys give me an opening, I can finish this fight without any collateral damage!" Donnie insists. This plan will work! He knows exactly what he's doing, and his tech is top-notch. An upset customer should be no biggie to handle.

"Oh, like how you finished last night's fight with 'no collateral damage'?" Leo asks sarcastically.

"Hey, it wasn't Donnie's fault all those pigeons exploded!" Mikey says.

"Don't mention the pigeons in front of Raph," Donnie hisses to his younger brother. Too late. Raph starts tearing up again. "We just got him to stop crying, come on Mikey!"

"Point is, this isn’t the place to beta test your stuff," Leo says, handing his crying brother a tissue while maintaining eye contact with Donnie. “Plus, you don’t-”

He’s interrupted by a chair flying above their heads and breaking into several pieces. The cry from the restaurant’s owner was enough to get the turtles back into action.

"Well, sounds like we've got a plan! Cowabunga!" Mikey shouts as he leaps into the crowd, kusari-fundo in hand. He launches it at the original angry yokai, wrapping it around their body. The other brothers jump into action as well, following his lead. 

But as often as jumping into a fight with barely a plan works out for them, in this case it does not. Maybe it's because Donnie is frozen in his tracks, trying to figure out what to do. He'd usually love to jump right into action and get the rush of adrenaline flowing through him, but the only thing flowing through him right now is his blood. But in a figurative sense, it's bitterness. Which must be quickly pushed down as Mikey gets himself and Raph tied up, now at the mercy of a murderous yokai. 

“Donnie! Get back- your shell!” Raph shouts. He stands up, his younger brother tied to his back, and prepares to either fight or get untangled. It’s always unclear with Raph. But the squid yokai was closing in on them.

That's what snaps Donnie into action. "I got you guys!" He shouts, running as he activates his newest tech bō attachment. In simple terms, it’s a large bug zapper. Enough to knock someone like Repo Mantis out at a close range. As he powers it up, Donnie can’t help but think back to the many failures he's had with his bō staff as his weapon. But he keeps telling himself to trust in his work. He is a sort of genius after all.

"Outta my way, Leon's got it!" His brother teleports in front of Donnie, who was running forward; zapper in front of him. A flying plate knocks the staff out of his hand, sending it towards his brother.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" 

Leo doesn't turn, instead running forward faster to their brothers. Donnie bolts after him, the world feeling like it's slowing down. He grabs Leo by the ankles and tackles him to the ground, the staff and plate shards narrowly avoiding his head and hitting the yokai right in the back. Well, the shattered plate does.

The tech bo, with the bug zapper attachment powered up and on full display? That lands right on Donnie’s back, causing him to freeze with the electric shock that shoots through him. He lets out a cry of pain, causing Leo to immediately panic and kick him away. It separated him from the zapper, so Donnie’s a little grateful.

“Donnie!” Someone shouts. Maybe everyone. He’s a little dazed, so he can’t really tell. The pain throughout his whole body stings, but he’s fine after a few seconds. Or as fine as one can be in this situation, which includes ignoring the extreme pain he feels in all of his muscles. It’ll fade with adrenaline.

Still, the softshell pushes himself up, grabbing his staff as a support, and looks to his brothers. Raph’s now engaged in a brawl with the squid, Mikey’s trying to evacuate anyone not fighting, and Leo is taunting an owl yokai. 

Seeing that they’re all okay, Donnie rushes back into the fight. The main yokai that started the problems was down (thanks Raph), but like a disease the anger has spread throughout the restaurant. He jumps and ducks through tables and chairs, fixing up certain pieces of furniture and catching shatterable looking objects before they hit something. It was like a middle school cafeteria food fight, the way these adults were acting.

The rest of the conflict goes by in a blur. With his high agility, Donnie mostly stays on 'don't let anything break or Hueso makes us look like him' duty, while letting his brothers take the heavy hits. Which shouldn't be heavy at all, compared to some of the other threats they've faced. Not that any of his brothers really considered that before shoving Donnie out of the way each time he tried to fight. Whatever, he could be pissed off later.

But once the fight is done and the customers taken care of, nobody seems to be in a good mood. Even with the free ‘thank you’ pizzas that they had been given, his brothers remain... cold? Unhappy or displeased? Donnie's pretty sure he knows why. Emotions may not be his first language, but he isn't that dense either.

"I didn't mean to activate it. I was only trying to be useful, since you guys always relegate me to the outskirts of the fight nowadays," he says, breaking the silence in their car ride back home. 

Leo looks at him, silently rifling through a first aid kit to find something to treat the burns on Donnie’s shell. His hoodie had provided some insulation, but the zapper burned right through it. 

"You are useful, obviously! But you don't need to shoehorn in your weird tech obsession into everything! Just fight with your tech bō and don't take risks when we're in this kind of situation!" The slider sighs, pinching the bridge of his (nonexistent) nose. He pulls out some burn cream and throws it over to his brother, with a little more force than was necessary. 

"But this is my life's work, Leo! You know my inventions are here to help all of us," Donnie insists. His literal job on the team is to be the 'tech guy'. It's fine, since it's what he loves. Plus, the battlefield is one of the best places to test out anything when it's first out of beta, just like how the bug zapper was tonight. He had already tested the actual electrical parts, this was just a show of how he could use it. 

"I don't care! Because they're NOT HELPING! You could've gotten yourself even more hurt! You could have hurt one of us, or a bystander!” Leo shouts, his hands shaking a bit. He can’t take his eyes off the burn marks on Donnie’s hoodie.  “Sometimes I think you don’t even care about anyone other than yourself.”

"Are you serious right now?" The softshell gives his brother a look. Whether it is of disbelief, disgust, worry, or hurt is anyone's guess. He saved him, since that dumb dumb refused to get out of the way!

The car stops as they reach the opening to the lair. Leo gets out quickly, not responding to his brother’s question. Mikey follows him, but Raph doesn’t.

“You know he’s just worried about you, right buddy?” He asks, looking down at where his little brother is sitting.

Donnie huffs, bringing his legs to his chest. “If he’s worried, he can just say that.”

“Yeah, I know. But he’s tired and not exactly thinkin’ straight. I don’t think he’s been sleeping much lately,” Raph says.

“Whatever,” Donnie says. He hasn’t been sleeping much either, but who’s Raph to notice? After their fight a week ago, he’s thrown himself into his inventions, hoping to make up for the mission he lost. The bags under his eyes were almost as prominent as his eyebrows at this point.

Like he said, it’s whatever. It’s fine. He doesn’t care. So long as he’s useful, so long as his family values him, he’s happy. Being a ninja is his purpose, being with his family makes it a whole lot better. Even if they’re absolute idiots most of the time.

Chapter Text

Despite being some of the strangest folk around, the four mutant turtle brothers also did stuff that normal teenagers do. Today, it was running errands for their father. Not especially fun, but Donnie was dead broke and needed the money. Mikey joined him as there was a hope for free pizza. He had won a contest several weeks back that gave him free pizza at Lou Mike-Tony's. He had meant to cash it in earlier, but he kept either getting distracted every time he went out or forgetting where he left the coupon. So right now as he remembers is the perfect opportunity. And he'll get to share pizza with his second favorite bro!

First though, they have grocery shopping to do. Another of Mikey's favorite things! So many things to see, smell, and touch. And a lot of them he actually knows how they taste too! With the money their dad had given them, he can also get a bunch of ingredients to cook up a storm for the next few weeks. There was a new cheesecake recipe he'd been dying to try after he saw it on Kondescending Kitchen. He still adores the show, even if the host has tried to kill him on multiple occasions. And also doesn't host the show anymore. It's a cowabummer, if he's being honest.

Anyway, back on track! Shopping with his brother! Exciting!

"This is gonna be great! Aren't you excited!? I'm excited!" Mikey bounces happily in the Turtle Tank as his brother drives.

"Yes, very exciting. I just wish my headphones hadn't ran out of battery," Donnie grumbles.

"Oh don't be so sour! The theme of next week's dinners is salty anyway. But I know you love listening to me talk, Dee." Mikey grins. "Oh! We're here!"

The car pulls to a stop and Mikey hops out. Donnie stays behind for a second, looking at the headphones on the floor. He knows he shouldn't bring them. They don't work anyway. And he really needs to just toughen up and not stand out. It's one shopping trip, how bad could it end up? He took this errand specifically because he wanted to get out of the lair, away from his other brothers. They're just going through an extended rough patch, where they're all complete dumb-dumb idiots who need to apologize and respect him more.

"DONNIEEEE! Hurry up!!!" Mikey shouts from outside. Donnie can't blame him for shouting either, the tank is really big. With very thick and sturdy walls, mostly to prevent attacks. It's also soundproof, which is a blessing and a curse sometimes. Mostly a blessing, since he is a genius who designed and built it himself.

"Coming!" Donnie shouts back as he gets out. He walks side by side with his brother into the store. Their first stop was a clothing store to get Raph a new hoodie since he ripped his other one, then a food break for Mikey, the grocery store to get food for the month, and finally going to a 'Block-Buster' for Splinter. He isn't quite sure what the last one is or if they even exist, but his father insists they do and he's not going to argue.

The first two stops go well. Although Donnie found another bug in his pizza, it wasn't the worst experience ever. The real problems came at the grocery store. He's never done well there. There's just too much of everything, especially considering the fact that it's an American supermarket. The figurative definition of too much. He doesn't get how they can afford to stock these places and have so much waste yet always be out of his favorite foods. 

First problem that occured: They were in the cereal aisle. Way too many colors and way too many judgmental thoughts of the sheer amount of cereal brands (and do they really need a third Girl Scout Cookie brand cereal?).

Second problem: Mikey was going crazy. This is his favorite area, which means he is non-stop bouncing around and talking. He can listen to his brother talk on and on about things, but not right now. Not when there's the stress of fast decision making to handle.

Third problem: Donnie spots someone he knows. Not a common occurrence, given most of the people he knows are either April or a villain. This person is neither and he's scared. He hadn't planned on interacting with them today, or really any time in the foreseeable future.

So he does what any reasonable turtle would do and hides behind a display. This is what human people do whenever they see someone they don't want to talk to, right? But of course, Mikey has to ruin it by standing over him and talking loudly.

"Donnie, why are you hiding?" He practically shouts. Not helping.

"NOthing! Just saw someone.." Donnie mumbles.

"Yoo, Purple Hoodie! Where have you been dude? I haven't seen you in like, forever." 

Great. Just what he wanted. To talk to someone from his school days. The days that were ended by Raph and the days that brought him the most happiness he had felt in a while. Until they stopped.

"And who're you?" Mikey asks, putting himself between his brother and the stranger.

"Um, Purple Bro's best friend. I think. We go to school together, though his attendance sucks." 

"I um- have several highly contagious and life threatening diseases," Donnie says, getting up and fighting down all of his anxiety. No, he does not have a plan for this conversation. It is not good and he's scared because he always has a plan for literally everything in his life and he never even considered this happening and he's going to go crazy trying to think of all the directions this conversation will and won't go. 

"Oh shit, I'm sorry dude. I should've noticed, with you being green and all. Hey, is this dude sick too?"

"Uhhhhhhh-" Mikey blanks, taking a few moments to process what is happening.

"Yes! We're both very ill and getting medicine for our even iller family!" Donnie says very loudly, standing up and facing the person. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Smile, nod, eye contact. He knows these things. He can do this.

"M'kay. Well when you get better we totally gotta work on that project. Tech Fair's tomorrow and I could really use some of your expertise," The person says, giving Donnie double finger guns. They probably grin too, but it's hard to tell with the hood and the medical mask. Maybe the mask is why they're so nonchalant about being around two people with supposedly contagious diseases. That or they're just crazy, which is equally likely if they're friends with Donnie.

Donnie nods. "Will do, Grey Hoodie. Will do."

The teen turns around and walks out of the aisle, leaving Mikey very confused. For one thing, how did his brother change so quickly? One moment he was all sobbing on the floor and the next he was holding a perfectly good conversation! He really shouldn't be that surprised, seeing as his brother is pretty good at adapting to situations quickly. But still, to just cover up all of that emotional trouble was... well, troubling. He turns back to his brother, who had slumped back down to the ground, starting to curl up into his shell.

"What's wrong with you, Donnie?" He asks. The question is well-intentioned, but with all the wrong words. His brother doesn't respond, doesn't even look at him. He just shrinks into himself, covering his ears and rocking back and forth. Mikey doesn't know what to do. So he does the only thing he knows, which is hug it out.

Which is very much the wrong thing to do, again. Donnie freezes up, and with a sudden movement he shoves his brother off of him with all his strength. Even though he's the weakest physically of the family, he can still pack a punch. I mean, on a good day Mikey can throw a building. So it's not like Donnie is weak. Just weak in comparison. Mikey goes flying across the floor. 

Donnie stares at him through blurred tears. He doesn't know what he just did, he doesn't know what just happened. All he knows is that this place is causing. all. the. pain. He starts to run, trying to find any way to escape this nightmare. He needs to get away from it all. The barrage of colors and movement, the loud buzzing of lights and the constant conversations and the smell of a million different homes and products and the feeling of his leathery bare shell against his hoodie is agitating him beyond belief and there is just too much too much TOO MUCH.

The next thing he knows, Donnie is outside. Somewhere. An alleyway, which might not be the safest place in New York City to be. But it's away from the noise, the crowds, the smells, and the sights. It's quieter. Everything can be muffled. He can breathe. At least a little more than he could before. Focus, focus, focus. What was he doing? What did he fail? Something's missing, something's wrong. And not just the general wrong of this kind of breakdown.

Then it hits him. Mikey. His brother, his favorite brother. The only one who had a hope of understanding him. Oh, this is all his fault. Why would he be so stupid? He should have come alone and no one would have gotten hurt. Now Mikey's probably lost, feeling betrayed, and definitely hurt. But these thoughts of panic only flow through Donnie's head. He can't force himself to move, it's as though he's trapped inside of his head. No matter what he tries, his body stays curled up inside of his shell, not moving an inch.

- - -

"Mikey? Holy crap, Mikey are you okay?! What happened?!!" 

The older brother comforts the younger, whose orange mask is stained in tears. His face is bruised and his elbows are scraped. All in all, nothing that bad. But the cause for Raph's concern was that this was just supposed to be a shopping trip and the noticeable lack of a purple-themed turtle.

Mikey sniffles, taking off his mask to wipe his face with it.

"It's Donnie..." He mumbles. "I'm worried-"

"Donnie?! Of course it is. How did he manage to mess up this? Where is he now? Is he hiding out in his room again? You know what, I bet he is. Go get Leo, he'll help with your face." Raph stalks off before even letting his little brother speak. On a normal day, he would. But he's just too worked up about this Donnie business to think clearly. What was his problem?! His brother had been acting weird for ages now, even more so than he usually is.

But a big part of him is just a bundle of worry. Is it his fault his brother isn't acting right? It's his responsibility to take care of his brothers, but if Donnie is only causing hurt when trying to complete the simplest of missions... maybe it's something they need to talk about.

He knocks on the door of his younger brother's room.

"Donnie, can you come out? I want to talk with you," he says. There's no response. Maybe he should get Leo to do this. He's always been the one who has a way with words, and he's Donnie's twin. Sort of. Raph still doesn't know what to think of their fight a while back, when Donnie said that none of them were brothers. It cut deep for him, but Raph was at least happy that nobody else heard. Still, he spent the next few nights crying.

After a few more moments, he knocks again. "Donnie, I'm coming in!" He calls.

"He's not in there."

Raph turns around to face a bandaged up Mikey, who's all sorts of anxious. It's easy to tell, with him wringing his hands together and chewing furiously on his lip.

"He- he didn't come home. He disappeared by the time I got up. Please, we just need to talk to-"

"Don't care. I'm gonna go find him and give him a piece of my mind!" Raph says. Mikey jumps in front of him.

"Yeah no. You are way to angry. He can find his way home on his-"

"I'll go!" Leo volunteers, again cutting off his little brother. "I'm Donnie's favorite brother, after all."

"Fine. But get home quick." Raph grabs Mikey and sits him down to double-check Leo's bandage work.

"Will do! Adiós, hermanos."

- - -

So tracking his brother down took wayyyy longer than expected. Even with him portaling around the city, it still took Leo almost an hour to find the other mutant turtle around. But once he spots a glimpse of a purple shell out of the corner of his eye, he knows he's found him. And unfortunately, his brother is not doing well. The tears, the rocking back and forth, the hand fidgeting. Wow, this is extra bad.

"Hey hey, Tello. There you are! Everything okay?" Leo asks softly, crouching down to be near his brother. He avoids touching him. 

Donnie manages to shake his head but doesn't move otherwise. Leo looks down, a mixture of frustration and disappointment welling up inside. Who it's directed towards, he can't tell. Maybe himself for not being there for his brother, maybe at his brother for never talking or picking up on other people's signs.

"Can you get up?" He asks.

No movement. He sighs and sits down next to him. This felt like a blast to the past, but in a bad way. Back when they were little, Donnie would sometimes get overwhelmed. It came seemingly out of nowhere, and everyone but Leo basically assumed they were just tantrums. Maybe because they sometimes happened if the brothers were being too pushy with video games, or when there was a certain food he didn't like. But Leo knew different. He maybe sort of understood his brother. Secret twin powers, y'know? 

But he'd been doing better. He'd been fitting in with the rest of them. What changed? 

"I wish you'd grow up sometimes. This is exactly the situation that makes me scared for you every time we leave the lair."

The silences that hangs between them feels suffocating. But Leo doesn't know what else to say. Sure, he can have a conversation with a wall he's that amazing at talking, but this is a sad wall. There's no fun in having a conversation with that.

"I know," Donnie says. He surprises Leo a little, making him jump. But he turns and looks at his brother, who has started to ease out of his shell. Literally.

"Do you want to go home?" Leo asks.

"Not really. But it's better than here."

"C'mon, I'll carry you. You don't have your battle shell on, right?"

"No."

He picks up his brother, feeling his soft leathery shell in his hands. It was a feeling he had almost forgotten. Honestly, he hadn't seen his brother's real shell for longer than he'd like to admit. It was always covered, as though Donatello was trying to hide the fact it existed. He always said he liked his shell because it gave him more opportunities to invent, but Leo always felt as though that was a lie. He remembers the first time one of Donnie's battle shells broke and he stayed in his lab for a solid week to repair it. Only Mikey was actually able to get in to deliver food to their brother and by the end of it, they let Raph force him into the shower. Leo was in charge of picking out the movies they forced him to watch afterwards, to make up for the lost time.

But scenarios like that are exactly the reason Leo worries. What if it happens again and he doesn't see his brother for a month, and he refuses to take care of himself? He's always been like that. Always insisting he's above needing basic necessities, always above spending time with his family. He might be more fine with it if his brother ever had anything to show for his long work hours. But he rarely does.

Once the familiar scent of the sewer hits his nose, Leo knows he's found home. He walks to the entrance before setting his brother down.

"We're home." He walks in without looking back, not expecting his brother to get out of his shell immediately anyway.

- - -

As the moon starts to rise and lair starts to go to sleep, Leo can't. His stomach is twisting with so much anxiety that he needs to do something about it. Most of the time that something is a midnight snack. But this is a different anxiety and he knows it. Silently, he slips out of bed and over to his brother's rooms. He wakes his older and younger brothers, leading them to his room.

"Ugh, I just got my headgear on! What is it, Leo?" Raph asks, adjusting the metal in his mouth.

"I think, after today, it might be best if we... temporarily suspend Donnie from the team. I don't think he can take it, mentally." He sits on his bed, criss cross.

"Leo, we talked about this before. We are not firing Donnie. We need him!" Raph insists.

"I dunno, Raph. He's been really weird lately. And didn't he say a while ago that we aren't even brothers to him?" Mikey points out in between yawns. It is way past his bedtime.

"Yeah, but-"

"Okay, how 'bout this," Leo says. "We go on a secret mission without Donnie and see how it goes. If it goes great, well then that's proof we don't need him on the main team."

"But he's- well, family? He's got a use on our team!" Raph argues.

"And he keeps messing everything up! Plus, if you really cared about him as our brother you wouldn't have let him fight with us in the first place. He doesn't have a real shell like we do." Leo counters. Seeing his brothers soft shell up close earlier only reinforced that idea.

The other two look away in shame. Raph was only trying to be a good big brother, but there's a part of him that is always scared. His brother's soft shell, his whole back a weakness. If it wasn't for Donnie's tech obsession he probably wouldn't have let him fight with them on the surface of New York City.

"But if he's gone then who'll we have to make sarcastic quips at us in a fight?" Mikey asks. Leo gives him the side eye.

"We can get April to join us. She's basically our sister and she's also our favorite friend. Can any of you say that Donnie is your favorite brother?" He asks, standing up.

The other two brothers look at each other. They can't. 

"Then it's decided. We replace him with someone actually useful and be the awesomest heroes New York has ever seen!"

"Yeah!" 

None of them notice the other turtle in the shadows.

- - -

57 seconds. That's how long it took for his brothers to cast him out. Not even a full minute of deliberation, not even a couple seconds of pondering! Donnie storms back to his room and throws all of the projects on his desk to the floor. They make a crashing sound that stabs his eardrums, but he doesn't care. If his projects are causing him to be a failure, then they are worthless. He turns to his robot friend, Shelldon, and powers him on.

"Shelldon, listen to me close. I'm going to set my room on lockdown. If any of my brothers try to come in, tell them this: Give April my battle shell and nobody gets dibs on my stuff. I am outtie 5000. Have fun being heroes."

He doesn't wait to hear his robots response. He just grabs his staff and his goggles and presses the lockdown button on his desk. As he's about to leave through his escape hatch (made specifically after the car lockdown incident) he feels his face. His mask. Purple, so that he matches with the team but still stands out on his own. He rips the mask off and leaves it on the floor. He never liked the color anyway.

He fights down every emotion clawing its way up as he climbs into the sewer above the lair. He's fine. If anything, he's doing his brothers a favor. The last thing he wants to do is hurt them, and he always feels terrible when he does. So if they've decided he's hurt them to the point where his pros on the team don't outweigh cons, then he isn't hurting anyone by leaving. He'll be just great on his own. He always has been and always will be. 

He doesn't fully understand it, but those are the words that his internet friend has been repeating and circulating through his head for weeks. It's not that they're untrue, but the high praise added on is starting to get to him. He's always responded well to positive reinforcement. Mostly because he never gets any at home. At most it's a 'Hey, that looks cool!' or 'Wow, lasers are awesome!' and that's it.

But he pauses. He hears a knock on his door. He slides back down into his room. It'll buy himself time if he answers the door. He hits unlock and lets whoever is at the door in. It's Mikey. Great. Of course the brother closest to his heart is here to make him second-guess himself.

"You okay in here? I heard a crash," Mikey says, stepping around the mess that is on the floor.

"I'm fine."

Mikey narrows his eyes at his brother. He may not be the smart one, but he can still tell something is up. He couldn't have heard their conversation earlier, could he?

"Come onnnnn Donnie! Let Dr. Feelings help you work through this. That's what he's here for!" Mikey says, pulling on a turtleneck and grabbing a pair of his brother's glasses. No, he cannot see. But it's for the aesthetic.

He sits down across from his brother, sitting cross-legged. Donnie sits on his spinny chair, pulling his knees up to his chest. Mikey smiles, waiting for his brother to start talking. It should be easy. He feels as though he's always been the brother Donnie is closest to, with him being the most emotionally in-touch. 

"Look..." Donnie says. He takes a deep breath. In and out. "I don't always get it. How to... interact with people. Not like how I get machines. You guys seem like you have your own secret language sometimes but still expect me to know it."

Mikey looks at him, taking note of the lack of eye contact. Is his brother afraid of opening up? If so, he should make him feel more relaxed. Thank goodness it wasn't the other thing. If Donnie found out Leo was trying to replace him, well, that would be a conversation he'd pass along to Raph. He doesn't have the stomach to break it to his brother that he's been messing everything up.

"That's all?" He laughs.

Donnie frowns. That was a pretty big thing and his brother just brushed it off like it's nothing. He shouldn't have told Mikey. Especially Mikey! What was he thinking? That the most social and outgoing turtle around would understand how impossible reading others seemed to be? He thinks back to what he talked about online earlier... they said to make his brothers see the importance of him and his tech.

"And I want to handle a mission on my own," Donnie adds.

Mikey stops fidgeting, something he didn't even notice he was doing until now.

"I don't think that's very smart," He says.

"Why?" Donnie stares at him. He knows why Mikey's uncomfortable with this. He just doesn't understand why he isn't jumping at this chance to get rid of him. "You've gone on a solo mission before. I've been on dozens before."

"Yeah, but those were basic stuffs. Like getting pizza or going out to the junkyard. I feel like you're implying something more than that," Mikey explains. 

"I am," Donnie says. "I don't want to feel like I'm getting left behind."

The look on his brother's face when he says that gives him painful satisfaction. He deserves to feel guilty. But still, it's his brother... he doesn't know if he can ever wish harm on them.

"We would never! But you don't need to face danger on your own to prove anything. That's something Leo would do and end up dragging us all into his mess," Mikey laughs, remembering when Leo had gotten them all stuck in a maze and his head got set on fire. Wasn't funny in the moment until Donnie had put it out. 

Something in Donnie snapped when he said that. 'We would never'. The exact phrase all of them use when they're lying their ass off.

"You know what? Just go away, Mikey! This is very important to me, you wouldn't understand!" Donnie shouts.

"I would understand! Unlike you, we can actually understand people and machines! Because believe it or not, we actually pay attention to people other than ourselves!" Mikey shouts, face red with rare anger for the typically sunny turtle. He doesn't know what came over him. He supposes he hates being told what he does and doesn't understand. Especially after Donnie just admitted he doesn't know everything! Why is he always acting like he does?!

Donnie goes still. He looks up at his brother, face impossible to read.

"Maybe if you didn't stay in your room all day you wouldn't be so weird," Mikey continues. Donnie never talks to them anymore. It hurts. "Maybe if you talked to us we could help fix your problems! MAYBE WE COULD-" 

He doesn't finish his sentence. Donnie hits his room lockdown button and shuts his brother out. Just in time, as seconds later he falls to the floor, curled up in his shell. Crying. Without a sound. He can faintly hear his brother banging on the door.

"Donnie? Donnie! You can't hide from your family. I'm sorry for shouting, but you can't go alone!" Mikey sinks down to the floor. That was a mistake. Anger always is. 

The tech loving turtle inside stares at the door for a minute. He's done. If not even Mikey likes him anymore, then what's the point of anything? He doesn't need a family. Or rather, the family has never needed him. Now it's just reached a breaking point.

So he climbs out of the sewers and into the streets of New York City, leaving behind everything but his wrist plate, goggles, and undealt with emotions.

Chapter Text

"2 outs, plays at first!"

"You got this, O'Neil!"

The young girl, maybe nine or ten, takes a deep breath. This is an important match. If her team can win this, they'll get to go to the Little League state championships! All she has to do is hit the ball. 

"Striiiiiiiike ONE!" The umpire calls from behind her. April jumps a little. She hadn't been focusing. Now she has to. She can do this.

She watches as the pitcher winds up and throws, the bright yellow-green softball racing towards her. April swings.

"Striiiiiiike TWO!"

"Come on April, you can do this!!"

"Let's go April!"

The shouts and cheers from her team's dugout don't make her feel any better. In fact, they make her feel worse. Her stomach twists itself into a knot and she can feel her knees start to shake.

"Gooooo'Neil!" 

She glances over, spotting a dark green boy dressed in purple. She's momentarily confused at seeing him, but glad nonetheless. She steps back into the batter's box and readies herself. The makes eye contact with the pitcher, almost as if to challenge her. She throws.

April swings. Her heart practically leaps out of her chest when she feels the ball hit the bat. She throws her bat down and starts sprinting to first base. 

"Foul tip! You'reeeeee out!"

April turns around to see that the catcher behind her had caught the ball. And that she had hit a foul. Her heart sinks as she takes her walk of shame back to the dugout. She failed her team and now they're all going to be super upset with her.

"Hey, cheer up O'Neil! There's always next year," One of her teammates says kindly, patting her on the back.

"Yeah, if she even makes the team next year," Another one grumbles.

"Hey, it was your fault for forgetting to run and getting the first out, Marcy!"

"Was not! I was trying to see if it was safe to steal!"

"We can't even steal in Little League!"

"Yes, we can! The other team did!"

"Cheaters!"

"They were NOT! It's your fault we lost!"

April watches as a fight breaks out between her team. She can't bear to watch, but she knows this is all her fault. If she could just hit a stupid softball then she wouldn't have let the whole team down like this. She steps between the two main girls feuding.

"Hey. Stop. Game's over and we aren't going to be sore losers. Now let's go get some sunflower seeds and be on our way," She says, grabbing her bat and stuffing it in her bag before storming out of the dugout.

Once she's a safe distance away, she grabs the turtle boy she had spotted in the audience. She drags him over to one of the empty fields, ducking into another dugout so that he can hide properly. Why was he here? And wasn't this one supposed to be the smarter of the brothers? Why would he show up to her softball game with barely a disguise?

"Donnie, what are you doing here?" She asks.

The boy shrugs. "I wanted to support you. What game are you playing again? Soccerball?"

"Softball," April says dryly. "And what's your other reason? I know if it was just to watch then you would've brought everyone." She noticed the lack of red, blue, and orange clothed turtles. It was a little strange how they all had specific colors and only wore those. But it's none of her business why they do that.

"Yeah, you're right," Donnie says. "They all went out without me. Leo thought I was only gonna mess up whatever we were doing and get us all in trouble. He isn't that wrong, since I always stop at the tech stores I see to get data and references for building. I ask them to stop but they don't and then lose me. But today I went on my own! And then I remembered your big game was today so I came over to see how great you'd do!"

April blinks. That was too much explanation to take in all at once. But she smiles. Donnie thought of her when the rest of her friends didn't. Not even her few human friends had bothered to show up. 

"But I wasn't even that great. We lost because I can't hit a stupid softball! They're bigger than baseballs too, it should be easy!" She throws her hands up, pacing around the small area. Donnie stands still and stares at her. Or maybe just into the distance. It's hard to tell with his turtle-y eyes and thick glasses.

"Well, you can only get better with practice, right? I can try and build a practice machine to help you get better!" He suggests.

"There are already pitching machines, Donnie. We use them all the time at practice," April pouts.

"Okay, but this one can adjust to you specifically! And and- how about it also simulates the pressure that you feel during a game so you get used to it? And also you can set it to a bunch of different types of pitches so you can practice hitting anything, from any distance and speed! Can your pitching machines do that?" He asks, furiously scribbling down his ideas on a notepad.

"I suppose not... Thank you Donnie. You're the best friend a softball player could have," April says. 

Donnie stops his writing. "I am? There isn't like, a teammate that you bond with better? Shouldn't your team be your best friend?"

She laughs. "Those gals? Nah, most of 'em are too focused on themselves and how they do nothing wrong. You're actually helping me!"

"Not some sort of mentor? All of the baseball movies I watched say-"

"Sure, listen to movies and not your best friend," April says with an eye roll. That makes Donnie realize that he can't deny this friend title that's been placed upon him.

They both share a look and start laughing. April feels a lot better now, the sadness and frustration from losing washing away with the help of her weird turtle friend. She doesn't even feel bad that it's only Donnie who showed up and not the rest of them. Though honestly, one of the turtle brothers might have ruined the game by climbing the fence, eating the ball, or fighting the ump on a call against April. They would with only the best intentions, but still.

"Let's go get some slushies. My mom's probably wondering where I am," April says, grabbing the turtle by his purple hoodie sleeve and leading him to the concession stand.

- - -

He misses April. They were always there for each other, but now he's too scared to go to her. He doesn't want to ruin the memory of their relationship by seeing how quickly she brushes him off too. So he's going to keep it in the memories. He'll never talk to anyone from his old life again. Ever. 

- - - 

It had been a full day since the trio-plus-April team had gone out on a mission. It wasn't exactly a success. For one, they had no idea how to track down any of their usual villains. They also had nothing to capture them with, and only a half-baked plan that consisted of finding villains, smashing them into the ground, smashing their weapons into dust, and leaving. Great in theory, bad in execution.

So now the three were playing video games at home, after taking April back to hers. As they raced each other in Mario Kart, they were very low energy. Even when they were tired, the brothers usually had no shortage of lung capacity to yell at each other for various bananas and blue shells, but not tonight.

"I think Donnie heard our conversation earlier," Mikey says, not taking his eyes off the screen. His brothers stare as well, not wanting to speak. But they have to and they know it.

"Yeah. I'm surprised he isn't out here gloating, though, since our mission was a total bust," Leo says.

"Maybe it's because he's upset with us. You haven't apologized for getting mad at him after the restaurant incident, have you?" Raph asks, dodging a red shell that Mikey had thrown at him.

"CRAP!" Leo shouts, bolting up and dropping his controller to the floor. "I meant to do that once I got a good night's sleep and was in my right mind."

"And you didn't?" Mikey asks.

"Go apologize," Raph tells him.

Mikey gets up, setting his controller on the floor as well. "I need to too. I yelled at him when I shouldn't have. I didn't realize he's probably still upset about what Leo did."

Raph finishes the race before setting his controller down too. He gets up and joins his brothers. "I'm gonna too."

"Not right now, give him space. My apology is gonna be so good that he'll need time before hearing any others," Leo says, putting the controllers back in his brother's hands. The two sits back down as Leo goes over to his nerdy brother's room.

"Hey 'Tello?" Leo knocks on the door, ignoring the fact it's on lockdown. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that you don't always get everything we say. I sorta think you always know everything, even though you're still just like us. So can you please come on out and I'll buy you some apology pizza?"

He waits but get no response. He's about to just knock harder when he remembers Donnie doesn't like loud sounds when he's upset. So he tries calling his brother instead. Except there's no response. He tries again. Voicemail. Again. No response. So he knocks again. "There's nothing wrong with you. I shouldn't have said those things," He adds.

"Uh, guys?!" Leo shouts. His face starts to go red from embarrassment. Had he really made that whole apology just for his brother not to hear a thing? "Donnie's not responding!"

"Give him time!" Raph shouts back from across the lair.

"He'll come out when he's ready!" Mikey adds.

Leo runs over to where his brothers are chilling. "Yeah, but he didn't even decline my calls. He loves doing that. It's being passive-aggressive without saying anything!" Leo paces around the room, biting at his non-existent fingernails.

"Well it's not like we can get in his room when it's on lockdown," Raph shrugs. But when he says that, Mikey starts to look incredibly nervous. Leo raises an eyebrow at this.

"Mikey..." 

"Um- yeah Raph is right there is absolutely no way to get into his room right now!" He squeaks.

"Mikey, I know I said snitches get stitches," Leo sighs. "But you are going to get a lot worse than stitches if you don't help us out here. So spill."

The youngest brother gulps as the two older stand over him. Sometimes it sucked being the smallest.

"Donnie may have given me an override," He says quickly. "Just in case of an accidental lockdown or if someone else got in while he's away."

"Okay, great! Just get in there, get Donnie out, and I can apologize for not respecting his wishes!" Leo grins. They all pause for a second.

"Do you hear yourself-" Raph starts to ask before Leo shushes him.

"I did indeed. But apologizing and being there for my favorite twin matters more!" He says, already dragging Mikey back to their brothers room.

The stand at the door and Mikey knocks three times, then spray paints an 'x' on the door. A small light clicks on and the door unlocks. 

"Boom baby!" Mikey grabs the handle and swings the door open, revealing the messy chaos of the genius brother's room. 

"Ugh, does he ever clean up in here?" Leo asks, looking around at the clutter.

"Don't be mean dude," Mikey reminds him.

Leo nods. "I'm not trying but I did just find a box of leftover pizza in his laundry pile. From three months ago." He grimaces at the mold he sees on it. Maybe Donnie used that to kill his appetite and not have to go out to the kitchen.

"Leo... I don't think he's here," Mikey says, voice barely above a whisper.

"Impossible. We've been in the living room all day! If he left, I totally would have seen him!" Leo insists. He can't be that oblivious, right? But as he looks around the room, rifling through any Donnie-shaped piles with no luck, his heart drops. Did he leave when they went on the mission? He made sure to go at night when Donnie was rigidly adhering to his sleep schedule... whatever that was.

"Go get Raph. He'll know what to do," He tells his brother. Once he leaves, Leo sits down in the center of the room, picking up the nearest piece of tech he can find. Anything to remind him of his favorite purple brother. In this case, that tech happens to be his battle shell. It must be an old version, 'cause Donnie would never leave behind something that important. The shell and Shelldon are his two most prized possessions. Maybe he should find Shelldon, actually. That little bot would know everything there is to know about his brother. Including how he snuck past the brilliant Leo with amazing skills of detection. 

He snoops around the room, trying to find the charging station. He steadily grows more and more frantic when he can't find it. Honestly, his brother's room is worse than the dump. How does Donnie find anything in here?! This doesn't feel right. Donnie is the neat-freak. Several times when they were younger he would sneak into his brother's rooms just to organize and color-code everything. Super annoying, but it was also kind of helpful for Leo when his room gets too messy to handle. Though he would never admit that.

"Okay Raph, you gotta promise not to freak." Leo hears his little brother's voice from behind him.

What happened next was Raph freaking out.

"What happened to this place?! Where's Donnie!? We checked everywhere and he's gotta be in here!!" He shouts, scrambling around the room just as Leo and Mikey had a few minutes earlier.

"That's what I was thinking! So my guess is he went to the surface somehow," Mikey says. For once, he really doesn't want to be right. If Donnie went to the surface, he'd get overwhelmed again and be impossible to find.

"Without his battle shell?" Leo turns to face his brothers, holding the purple shell in his hands. He triple-checked. It was the newest one. What should have clued him in was that all of the older versions were on display and completely torn up. That's how most of his shells end their life. "And his phone?"

The other two brothers pale.

"My protective brother instincts are kicking in," Raph says. He grabs Mikey and pulls him near him, as if afraid something would take his other brother.

"Oh hey guys!"

They all scream before realizing that it's only Shelldon. The robot waves to the brothers happily.

"Donatello wanted me to give you guys a message once you're all in here," He says. "The Don-Tron's going out. He said he probably isn't coming back, but that doesn't mean anyone gets to call dibs on his stuff. Mikey dude, you get any remote control car you want, but if you touch anything else in here they'll explode. Also, April gets the shell for being a cool almost-sister friend. Okay, see ya!" Shelldon zooms off, disappearing through the ceiling. A small, turtle-sized hatch in the ceiling.

"Oh we really messed up," Leo says, looking up at the sewer through the opening.

"Wait so..." Mikey pauses, processing the information. "Donnie's not coming back?"

Chapter Text

That night, Raph doesn't sleep. Guilt claws at him, like a rabid dog trying to tear him into pieces. How is he supposed to sleep when his little brother is missing? It's his job as the oldest brother to take care of all his brothers. Sure, it's his dad's job too, but he doesn't care for them the same way Raph does. Raph gets to goof off with his brothers too, and protect them in the midst of a fight. 

He tosses and turns in bed, not sure how he will ever sleep. Usually, he can sleep like a rock. On bad days, maybe he'll go out and exercise before going to bed, so he's so tired his body forces itself asleep. But now doesn't feel like an appropriate time to do that. So after another hour passes without the blessing of sleep, Raph decides to just get up. If he can't sleep, he can at least watch TV or something. Maybe there's some late night wrestling on.

He drags himself out of bed and into the main area of the lair, where he's surprised to see the TV on. Though he shouldn't be. If he can't sleep, what makes him think his brothers can either? He walks over to the chair, seeing Leo's silhouette nestled in it, with a cup of tea in his hands that had long since gone cold.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Can't sleep?"

"Never can."

Leo stares at the screen, a space show of some sort playing. Not Jupiter Jim, which is weird. He scoots over, allowing his older brother to sit next to him. They sit in silence for a while, neither knowing what to say or even do. For Leo, usually when he's up late at night he'll spy on Donnie. Just sit behind him and watch whatever work he's doing. They always sit in silence together too. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't actually know if his brother ever noticed when he did that, with his hyperfixation and all. But Donnie's not here. Raph is. And Raph must be a wreck, because he is always the first asleep. To everything.

"You know, I'm just now noticing that the wall above the TV is dented," Leo says. He rests his head on his brother's shoulder, craving some sort of familial contact. It's a lame conversation point to bring up. The entire lair is covered in dents and broken pieces of walls and ceilings. Just a consequence of it being home to four turtle boys.

"Do you know why?" Raph asks him. He knows how it happened. And he really doesn't want to remember that right now.

"Didn't you get into a smash-y mood while watching some pro-wrestling stuff?" Leo vaguely remembers that. His voice sounds dry. He hasn't drank even a sip of his tea.

"Nope."

"Then what? You've got me curious now." He turns to his older brother, waiting for his response. And honestly, he didn't care what the story behind a random dent in the wall was. He cared about actually spending time with his brother, now that he's been reminded of how easily he can lose them. That is, assuming Donnie was kidnapped. He had to be. Why would he leave?

"You really wanna know?"

"Um, yeah. That's why I'm asking. Anything to waste time right now." He elbows Raph gently, almost spilling his drink in the process.

Raph sighs. Maybe this will help them both sleep.

- - -

"Don, c'mon. I've told you a thousand times: Stay with the group," A small Raphael says, fed up with his younger brother's nonsense.

"But it's not fair! You and Leo get to go off on your own all the time now!" His brother argues, crossing his arms. Raph sighs internally. He doesn't like having these fights, but he has to. Donnie just won't listen to what their dad says. Sure, he can repeat anything he says verbatim, but when it comes to actually following his instructions? He might as well have been speaking Spanish. Or wait, Donnie knows Spanish. He might as well have been speaking Irish. 

"Yeah, but we can handle ourselves. It's too dangerous for you and Mikey to go off on your own yet," Raph says, trying his best to be gentle.

"But Leo and I are the SAME AGE! Why don't you trust me?!" Donnie starts to yell, making it clear that if he can't win this argument, then he's going to make everyone hear it instead.

"Because you don't listen to anyone! And if I'm not there to protect you, something bad might happen." Raph looks away from his little brother. He might have the biggest heart of the four, but he's the oldest so he won't show it.

"Nothing bad is going to happen to me, Raphael! It never has! Leo gets to go on his own, I should too!" His glares brother looks at him, his angry baby face both infuriating and adorable. He always puffs out his cheeks when he's super angry.

"Leo is two months older than you." Raph hopes that will be the end of it. But he got into a fight with his smart and stubborn brother, so it isn't. He should have seen that coming.

"His birthday was seven months ago. I'm thirteen and a HALF now! I'm gonna die of old age before you let me out at this rate. Is that what you want to do? Make me never experience the world?" Donnie asks. Raph groans internally. Sometimes he really picks up on Leo's dramatic-ness, and he can only handle one Leonardo.

"Stop it with your theatrics. I'm just saying that you aren't ready. Now go to your room until dinner or I'm gonna set Mike loose in your lab," Raph threatens, pointing towards his little brother's room. Ultimate older brother move: Just make the argument stop when he doesn't want to continue it.

"That's low and you know it, Raphael. Just tell me why you think I can't do it!" Donnie's protests continue. Raph doesn't want to spell it out for his brother, that he's just too weak and too easily trusting and distracted, and his shell... he really tries to not let his brother's shell affect him, but secretly Raph is terrified of what could happen with his brother's softshell. It's absolutely no protection against the dangers of the city. If Raph isn't there for his little brother... well it's half the reason he can't sleep at night sometimes.

"You. Never. Listen." Raph insists. That's the best he's got without hurting his brother's feelings.

"I listen! I can recount everything Michael said at breakfast!" Donnie inhales deeply, ready to recount exactly what his little brother had said.

"Nope nope stop- you listen, but you don't actually listen. Okay? Now go." He points towards the door. This is the only real way he knows how to end this, and he hates it. He sounds like their dad, although Splinter was never that much of a disciplinarian. Unless it came to their ninja training, in which case he was very strict. But especially when it comes to Donnie, their father has a major soft spot.

”You can’t ground me like I’m six!” Donnie protests, despite starting to move in the direction of his room. But before storming off, he throws the nearest object into the wall. It happens to be an joystick controller, which clatters to the ground in a bunch of broken pieces. But he also threw it hard enough to leave a pretty significant dent in the wall. Raph's hands curl into fists. Another problem he's going to have to deal with now. Great.

- - -

"Daily log, day one of being alone. This is Donatello, currently looking for safe place to live out on the streets. Will update in two hours." He clicks 'stop' on his wrist gauntlet. He's keeping a daily log now that he's got nothing to mark the days, mark the events, or really keep track of anything. Whether or not he'll actually stick to this log is a different question. It feels weird to say his thoughts out loud when he's not actively having a conversation with himself. It's like he's displaying his thoughts instead of actually keeping track of them. Most of the time when he does want to keep track of his thoughts, he 'accidentally' records them in order to trick himself into not feeling awkward.

But there's no time for feeling weird when he has work to do. The streets of New York aren't going to keep themselves safe, and they certainly won't provide shelter from the elements. Maybe his old school could work. Surely nobody would question a random tech kid sleeping and working in the metal shop full-time, right? He'd seen kids in there past midnight before, so it can't be that unusual. Though pulling all-nighters around heavy machinery cannot be safe unless excessive amounts of coffee had been consumed. 

It's not like he even needs a place to sleep tonight. It's early fall, and the city is warm and aglow. There's plenty of rooftops he can stay on, away from the sounds of crowds and traffic. This is actually helping optimize hero work. He doesn't have a sewer that he needs to leave and he can instead jump right into the action. He doesn't even need to wait for the alerts on his computer. His computer... which he left at home. Along with all his tech. Yeah, maybe that wasn't the best call. But whatever. That belongs to a different Donatello. He can rebuild. Now with all of New York City as his home and not a single person there to weigh him down, he can do whatever he wants. This must be what being an adult is like. Even as a crime-fighting ninja turtle teenager, Donnie was always just a 'kid'. Even when he got older and it was clear he was more mature than his brothers most of the time.

And what he really wants to do right now is find some place to eat. His first thought is the mystic pizza place, but he quickly rules it out. As delicious as the food there may be, Hueso is friends/enemies with Leo. He's absolutely tell the family if Don showed up there. That is, if they even were worried. He doubts they are. He's only a nuisance and now he's gone. Why would they feel bad about that? So back on the topic of pizza, he decides to go down to whatever pizza place he spots first. Being that he is in NYC, that doesn't take very long. By the time he hops down to the street, he's already spotted four that claim to have the best pizza in the city/nation/world/universe. In that order. He opts for the world, since universe is impossible to validate yet. Plus, he is a firm believer that the pizza from Jupiter Jim and the Galactic Pizza Making Competition is the best in the universe.

So he walks in, gets a box of pepperoni, and leaves. Too many people were in there for him to be comfortable eating. Even with the two people dressed as wizards, he doubts he would blend in enough. It's always hard to, with the whole teenage mutant turtle situation. At least he doesn't get acne. So instead he sits on top of his usual rooftop with the water tower, looking down at the city as it starts to light up. Without the sun, thousands of lights rush to take its place. He instinctively looks towards April's apartment, waiting for the light to turn on in her window. In a different time, he might jump over and tell her about his day. Maybe help her figure out her outfit for school the next day. If she was up for it, they'd plan out dozens of outfits for every possible occasion. To give you an idea, one night they had planned out twenty different outfits for April's college graduation and ten for a possible quinceañera for a person they couldn't even remember by the next day. It didn't matter, because they still had fun.

As the slices slowly dwindle in the box, he starts to worry about the tech he had left behind. His life's work, basically. But at the same time, he's sort of glad to be free of it. In his family, he was only ever the 'tech guy'. His use was his machines, and even then they were barely appreciated. He's always had other interests, primarily in the 80s movies, fashion, and dance departments. But it's not like any of that stuff was as important as his inventions. His tech was the stuff that saved lives and protected the city. He saves lives and protects the city.

Just as his thoughts start to devolve into feeding his ego for a few minutes, Donnie spots something below. A person running, which in of itself isn't unusual. It's the large figure pursuing them that is troubling. Well, time to investigate. That's his full-time job now.

He jumps down from the roof, landing on a mixture of ledges and ladders until he reaches the ground. Then he breaks into a sprint after the people, grabbing his hood so that it doesn't fly down. He follows them into an alley. He pauses. This is a wonderful way to get mugged if he runs in without a plan.

"Please let me go!"

"Ah, but you're looking so delicious."

Donnie gulps. Of course it's Meat Sweats. The giant pig mutant who almost cooked him alive one time. Now that was a fun memory, especially considering his brothers absolutely hated the gifts he gave them that day too. Though in all honesty, he understood why they didn't like them. But they never accepted another gift from him after that.

When a scream erupts from in the alley, Donnie decides it's time to jump in. Plan? Neutralize the threat, make sure civilians are safe, don't be seen. Not really a plan so much as they are general rules of fighting on the street, but still. It's better than Raph's 'destroy everything that moves' type plans.

"Oi, Meat Sweats! Back off the human," Donnie shouts, standing boldly for his lack of armor and a weapon. He realizes that the second he shouted. Ugh, he's so stupid. And he doesn't have his- his backup to help. Time to call over his tech bo. His beautiful weapon that he's been sporting since, well since what feels like forever. 

The mutant pig man turns to him slowly, dropping some sort of feathered mutant, clearly finishing absorbing his power. The lemon and basil smell that filled the air also gave away the whole thing. It was a little nauseating, the strong scents that were stuck in this alley. Enough to make Donnie feel icky, but not sick. Now all he has to do right now is stall for time. His tech bo can make it to his location, but obviously not instantly. If he figured out how to harness his brother's portal magic, then maybe. But that chance is long gone and he should forget about it now.

"Well well well, if it isn't the turtles. Convenient, I just found this recipe for turtle soup that I'm dying to try." He turns around to face Donatello, a meat cleaver in hand. The terrified mutant he had been chasing slumps to the ground, possibly passed out from shock.

"Mhm. Are you sure you couldn't use some more butter? You wasted a whole pound last time," Donnie says, hiding his hands behind his back. Seriously, his staff could do for a speed upgrade. But he doesn't mind the sweet rush of adrenaline that starts to flow through him.

"Shut it! You stupid turtle, always interrupting my meals! Don't you have any respect for proper food?" Meat Sweats shouts.

"I do not, actually. If it were up to me I would not eat entirely," Donnie shrugs. It's true. As good as pizza is, if he could just never feel the need to eat he'd be fine. It'd be like sleep, something optional that's the occasional treat.

"Blasphemy." The mutant sprints towards him through the narrow alley. "What's this? Just the tech one? Where are your brothers?" Meat Sweats asks, pausing his charge. He actually likes the little orange one. Or he likes him as much as he can, considering they're enemies. But he appreciates good cooking, unlike the rest of the annoying turtles.

"Beats me. But I don't really care. So can we focus on our fight, Bucko?" Donnie asks, pointing his tech bo at the mutant, thanking his genius for it arriving so quick. He fires it up, silently praying that his engineering is sound. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get Shelldon or something to deliver him more bits of his old tech. It's not like the local high schools and junkyard are always going to have the materials he needs. And now he doesn't have a delivery address for anything ordered on eBay. Whatever, he'll work it out later.

The giant mutant pig runs at him, swinging his meat cleaver. The tranquilizer darts stored inside Donnie's staff miss, so he ducks and dodges out of the mutant's way. It's strange, fighting without his battle shell. He's much quicker and lighter, but there's a horrible pit of anxiety growing in his stomach. If anything happens to his back, well he'll almost be done for. Evolutionarily, his species is only meant to go swiftly through land and water and evade predators. It's that speed that defense is traded for. 

"So what are you even doing here? What's your evil plan?" Donnie asks as the two go through a deadly dance of blades and punches. 

"I just wanted a decent night out, maybe have some turtle soup!" Meat Sweats shouts, growing angry as he fails to land a blow on the purple turtle.

Donnie pauses. "Scoff. You expect me to believe that's it?" The guy was standing around a bunch of unconscious yokai, so he was very obviously up to something.

"Come to think of it, I did have the most delicious turkey vulture earlier," He says, a menacing grin growing on his face. Donnie gulps. He knows about a lot of different animals and the way they defend themselves, and this one is truly unfortunate. "Fun fact about turkey vultures, they vomit stomach acid."

Ew ew ew ew ew ew EW. Donnie feels as though he's going to vomit up his stomach acid too. But he bites his tongue and dodges. 

"Another fun fact," he says, readying himself to jump towards the mutant. "Science always beats magic." He raises his tech bo out in front of him, a taser setting loaded up. He's going to fry this stupid pig with his stupid mystic powers and he's going to do it with all that is superior. 

- - -

Three days, five hours, and eight minutes since he's left home. That's been five separate fights/misadventures, none of which the author felt skilled enough to write. He still hasn't found a proper home yet, still making due with the rooftop. It's Saturday now. Family movie night. The memories of what he once had causes pangs of sadness in his chest. But nothing more. It's the past. The past. He's better on his own. He always has been. The missions he's gone on alone have always been the most successful.

He feels something start to warm his face. Donnie reaches up towards his eyes and feels them. They're wet. Oh. He's crying. oh. No wonder I feel so shitty. He didn't think that being out on his own like this would cause any emotional stress. Sure, he naturally hates change, but this isn't a change. It's an improvement. Those are always good. He should feel good. So why doesn't he?

He isn't making a mistake. Donatello doesn't make mistakes. He's a genius and the best there ever was. Being that he's practically an adult, he knows what is best and what is right. He can handle all sorts of responsibility.

So why does he feel like a scared little kid again? Why does he feel the exact same way he did when his brothers would yell and tell him he's not ready for anything, despite him having gone out and been fine without them? When they can't get to him in the middle of a fight and he fears his life is in danger? When he's breaking down because the world is too much and none of them even bat an eye? Why does he feel like he's reliving those moments again?

Chapter Text

The night following their brother leaving, the three turtles find themselves in his room again. Leo sits on the chair, fidgeting with a long forgotten Rubix cube. Mikey sits criss-cross on his brother's bed, hugging the singular pillow. Raph stands, looking at the impressive collection of inventions and mess all around. If he were a better person, he would make plans to clean up the room. But he can't bring himself to actually touch any of his brother's things.

"He's gotta come back, right?" Leo asks, his voice not at all hiding the anxiety that's about to flood.

"Y-Yeah, maybe he's just at the book place," Raph says. He wishes he could say that deep down, he knows his brother will be back because they love each other and will always be family. But honestly? He doesn't know. And that scares him a whole lot more. Donnie did say that they were never brothers, but even he should understand that family is way more than who you're related to. 

"I'm scared." Mikey buries his face in the pillow to hide his tears. "What are we supposed to do?"

Nobody says anything for a minute. They don't know what to say. There isn't a clue as to where their brother went, only that he's gone. For all they know, he could be in Jersey by now.

"Find whoever took him and kick their ass," Leo says, twisting the Rubix cube aggressively.

"But he- he left Leon. You heard Shelldon, he isn't-" Mikey stops, tears making him choke up. He sniffles loudly and keeps hugging the pillow as if it were the only thing keeping him from breaking down.

"No. Donnie wouldn't just leave. Maybe he's been possessed by a demon again," Leo says. By again, he means for the first legit time. Sure, there have been loads of times where he was confident his brother was possessed, but only as a sort of joke.

"Will you stop it?!" Raphael suddenly shouts. He wants to punch something. If this wasn't his little brother's room, he would smash everything that isn't nailed down into pieces.

"Raph-"

"Our brother is GONE. Stop joking around like he's about to come back when for all we know he could be dead!" He shouts, grabbing the Rubix cube and throwing it into the ground. It doesn't break, which only infuriates him more. Stupid Donatello finding solutions to his stupid nerd rage. "What are we supposed to tell Dad? April?"

"We'll find him," Leo promises. He knows his twin brother better than anyone. Sure, they aren't actually twins. And sure, he didn't expect him to disappear like this. But just like with the 'wrong baby tooth' incident, he's going to try everything he can to make things right. Which is going to include saving his brother, bringing him home, and generally being a hero figure.

"What are we going to tell Dad?" Mikey asks. He feels so small. Maybe because he's slowly shrinking into shell, but he also feels it in an emotional way. Nothing seems important anymore. He's just... here. The world is still turning and he is not. "We can't lie about this like we did with the fish."

"Can't we? Dad isn't in great shape already, how do you think he'd take hearing one of his kids is missing?" Leo asks.

The little brother stays silent. He doesn't know what to do. And now he's even more terrified that if he makes a decision it could drive away the rest of his family. He wishes Raph would think of a solution. His oldest brother always has a plan. He's supposed to help.

"Exactly. So I'm going to go out and look for him." Leo looks up at the open sewer hatch, grabbing the first rung of the ladder under it.

"No. Not on your own," Raph says, grabbing Leo by the wrist.

Leo twists his brother's arm around and stares him dead in the eye, the bags of sleep deprivation making him look a little scary.

"I'm sorry, for a second there I thought I heard you try to stop me. From going out."

"The Mad Dogs stick together," Raph insists, pretending not to notice the pain in his arm. God, when did Leo get so strong?

"No, they don't," Mikey says, still hanging on to his brother's pillow. But his brothers are too busy glaring daggers at each other to notice him. Is this what Donnie felt like?

"I am going out and I am going alone, Raphael. You'll only slow me down," Leo tells his brother. Maybe sleep deprivation was making him bolder, but it could also be the pure fear running through his veins. "And don't give me the 'we can cover more ground together' crap because I know you won't let us split up."

Raph opens and closes his mouth. He doesn't know what to say. Or well, he does have something to say. But it's angry and isn't going to help. Because he IS angry. Donnie left. How could he?! Doesn't he know not to abandon family? But Raph let him leave, maybe made him want to leave. So why wasn't he a better brother? Why is he such a failure, to the point that his own brother doesn't even want to be related to him?! So Raph doesn't know what to say. All he knows is that he wants to scream, cry, and punch something and he really doesn't want it to be Leo's face. 

"He'll come back when he's ready, okay?! So you are not going anywhere." Is it shameful that a small part of him doesn't want Donnie back? At least not immediately. It's what he deserves, saying they're not family. That's just about the cruelest thing he could've said, and over a stupid school too. He should be forced to feel whatever it is he's going through. And an even smaller part of him hopes it sucks. But at the same time, he berates himself for thinking that and being so goddamn useless. They're all just sitting here while Don might be in danger.

"You heard Shelldon. He isn't coming back," Mikey says, so quiet he isn't quite sure he said that out loud.

"Exactly!" Leo points to his little brother. "So I'm going to bring him back."

"Fine. Go." Raph rips his arm out of Leo's grip and storming off. He needs to go smash something before his rage makes him explode.

Mikey watches as his two brothers go off, leaving him alone in his third brother's room. He knows the two will be back, but it feels like they're leaving for good too. He slumps on his side, watching as his tears wet the pillow and sheets. He watches the mechanical lights from all sorts of things blink through his tears. Some of the stuff in here he recognizes, like Shelldon, the battle shell, and the drill blueprints. A lot more he doesn't. Scattered, half-complete inventions, some colored orange and blue and red but most are purple. He notices that there's a lot more non-purple stuff than what he'd expect. The closet is also bursting with brightly colored clothing, despite his brother only ever wearing a hoodie at most. Weird.

He almost wants to go and look around at all the stuff, but the floor is a mess and he's just so incredibly exhausted. It's like a giant weight settling into his muscles, sleep begging to take over. He grabs the covers and throws them over his shoulders, deciding it isn't worth it to go back to his own room. Donnie always had a comfier bed anyway.

- - -

After ages of wandering, Donatello finds himself back at his old school. It's five am. He stands at the edge of the school grounds, debating on whether he should go back. He's already enrolled, he could if he wanted to. It would mean at least a free meal and access to a lab, metal shop, and wood shop. He could spend his days building and his nights crime-fighting. Not a bad deal.

He sighs, sitting down on the ground. He misses just getting to mess around. Play video games against Mikey. Dress up with April. Skateboard. Watch TV. He hasn't had any opportunity to now. He isn't sure how many days have passed by now, but it's got to be a lot. Maybe he could build a skateboard and go to a skate park tonight. Blow off some steam. Do something mindless for a little while. Yeah. He'll go back to his school. It's getting cold outside anyway.

So he waits for the school to open. The minute it does, he rushes in and to his locker. He left all his stuff in here, including an older version of his battle shell. He wasn't going to bring his primary one to school, but he always had backups. But seeing the shell, seeing the blatant reminder of his weakness, just serves to make him feel like shit again. He's been fighting without his battle shell. He's been fine, for the most part. Sure there's a lot more bruises and cuts than normal, but it's fine. Nothing a band-aid can't fix.

He closes and locks the locker, keeping a blank expression on his face. He turns and walks to his first class. English. He takes two steps before changing his route to the wood shop. He'd rather make a skateboard than write an essay right now. But as he strolls on down to the basement, he passes the computer lab. A place too good to not take a peek in every second he gets. But his stomach drops when he sees someone unexpected in there. Multiple someones, to be specific.

The Purple Dragons. And his old friend. Who are one in the same.

He clenches his fists. Of course his only real friend is a freakin villain! How could he be so stupid?!

"Oh, hello there. Othello von Ryan." The leader, Kendra, looks up at him. She beckons the turtle inside the lab. Donnie, without knowing what else to do, walks in. If this is a trap, well then he'll figure out his way out. It's not like anyone is expecting him home soon.

"Uhh, Kendra? Maybe we shouldn't-" The boy in the grey hoodie starts to say. The purple-haired genius ignores him completely.

"What's going on here?" Donnie asks. He reaches for his back pocket, where he keeps his tech bo folded up.

"Oh would you calm down? We're just here because today's the middle school's robotics competition. Our school sent us over to help," Kendra says, closing the laptop in front of her. She stands up to face the turtle.

"Uh huh, sure. And which kid's inventions will you be stealing and/or destroying then?" Donnie asks. He still hasn't forgiven these jerks for taking his stuff. And then forcing him to destroy some of his own creations. It was a lot more heart-wrenching then most fights with villains usually are.

"None! These are middle schoolers, Von Ryan. Not geniuses like us," Kendra says. Donnie decides not to mention the fact that technically, he could go to a middle school. He's fourteen, but obviously way too smart to have to attend middle school. All of the classes he signed up for here were senior-level. Appropriate for someone of his caliber.

"What're you playing at, giving me positive reinforcement? I changed my security system since we last met, you'll never get my tech!" Donnie furrows his eyebrows together, trying to think of what these guys were trying to do. 

Jeremy looks at him, a little confused. "We're not playing at anything, dude. We don't want your tech, we learned our lesson."

Donnie's frown starts to loosen. "Then why has that guy been trying to befriend me and pretending to be someone else?" He points at Jase. The boy wearing a grey hoodie, the boy who was so kind and supportive of him in school.

"I was transferring schools for a bit. Kendra wanted me to see if they had a better computer science program here, and then you showed up..." He trails off, looking at the girl mentioned.

"And I told him to just keep going. We like your brain, Othello. We're just upset we didn't actually let you into our club. You would've been a better addition than Jase here. Though he did manage to befriend you, so maybe he's not worthless." Kendra nods at him. This would be the only sign of respect she would give her step-brother for the next year.

"I told you those acting classes would pay off," Jase says, somewhat proudly.

"Shut it! You still failed miserably in The Little Mermaid. We're lucky you were even able to pull this off," Kendra snaps at him. Moment of respect over.

"So were you only pretending to be my friend?" Donnie needs this clarification. More than he's ever needed anything clarified before. He hopes that he isn't about to get laughed at and belittled. That happens way too much whenever he doesn't get something. 

"No no no, of course not! I was just pretending to not be myself! We didn't know if you'd attack me if you saw me, so I wanted to avoid that. Then it spiralled and we became friends and then you disappeared and-"

"Hey, I get it. Didn't want to get beat to a pulp. That's fair," Donnie says, smiling as to calm Jase down. Poor dude is so worked up and getting his words in knots. Just like Mikey when he gets caught stealing cookies or spray painting the walls late at night. All nervous about something that isn't a big deal.

"So you wanna join our club? I've been dying to ask you about the circuitry that you work with- it's so complex!" Jeremy asks, bouncing up and down a little. 

Donnie grins, a little dazed at the sudden positivity surrounding him. This has to be a trick, right? There's no way these people could be so friendly now.

"Do I get a satin jacket?" He asks.

"But of course," Kendra says with a smile. "You may not think it, but we know you're going to do great things with that mind of yours. Maybe help us spread high-tech weaponry, rob a bank, help the nation's STEM programs, save lives with technology, et cetera."

"Wait wait- no crime. Crime is bad, that's like a thing you learn in preschool," Donnie says, backing up. There's the trick. They only want him to help them do bad stuff. Of course. He always has to be a tool for someone else to use. 

Kendra shrugs. "I mean, we're only doing it because we're unappreciated. If people would take notice of our genius, they'd help us. But they won't, so we don't have the resources to improve our tech. Really, it's only temporary." 

Donnie sits down in a chair and spins around in it, thinking carefully. He shouldn't trust the Purple Dragons. Obviously. He's not an idiot. Last time he trusted them, they stole all his tech and used it for crime. Without his permission, no less! And they damaged everything, which cost him weeks of repair jobs and emotional damage. 

"I can't condone criminal action. That's just not who I am," He says firmly. 

Kendra looks at him, disappointment already starting to set into her face.

"But," Donnie adds. He owes this to them, at least. They're all unappreciated geniuses with nowhere to go and nobody but each other. That probably qualifies some sort of amnesty. "I won't stop you. I want to keep real bad guys off the streets and stop needless violence. That's why I'm a hero."

She nods. "I can respect that."

Donnie blinks. She's actually accepting his stance? Not challenging him on it or pushing him to do it because it's what she wants? Okay, minor bit of trust is being earned.

"Now that that's settled, can you please wear something like your old mask again? I don't mean to be rude, but your green face is freaking me out!" Jase says. Donnie stares at him, forgetting that he had left his purple mask at home. He'd been wearing a face mask out in public to avoid stares, which he still got on account of everyone thinking he's sick. But he hadn't worn either mask to school today.

"Shut up Jase!" Kendra shouts, turning back at him. "You're uglier than he is!"

She waves him away, now scowling. Something about her step-brother just pisses her off. No, not something. Everything. 

"Hey, that's not nice," Donnie says, raising an eyebrow at her. Kendra grins sheepishly.

"I'm just messing around. Jase knows I don't actually think that!" She gives her step-brother a look, meeting his eyes. He nods nervously, though Donnie doesn't pick up on it. So he just shrugs and accepts her excuse.

He looks around for any sort of cloth. On instinct, he was searching for purple. But he stops, realizing he doesn't have to be that color anymore. Sure, it would fit in with the Purple Dragons, but it's also always going to be a reminder of the color he wore so his dad could differentiate him from his brothers. Gosh, how did he ever think that man could be a good father? They're all completely different species and he still can't remember their names.

But there's no cloth in the computer lab, so he grabs his spare mask from inside his shell. He always has a spare, of course. He grabs a nearby marker and starts on designing a new look for himself. More black than purple, reminiscent of a ninja mask seen more in pop culture. He puts it on, along with a purple satin jacket that he was given. And that he checked for any secret implanted devices. It was clear.

"Now what do you want to do now?" Jeremy asks.

Donnie looks at him and smiles. The Purple Dragons won't be his new team. He's a hero, they're not. Yet. But maybe they can be friends. They sort of were before, so they can sort of be now. 

"You ever skateboard?"

Chapter Text

There are only two things Donnie fears. Beach balls and thunderstorms. Though thunderstorms are a marvel to watch and absolutely fascinating to study, they are terrifying to go through. The sudden bright light, loud ominous booms, the howling of the wind threatening to rip off the roof and destroy the whole lair. No storm had ever done that, but that doesn't mean there wasn't a chance one would.

He had been pretty good at hiding his fear of storms, always shutting himself in his room and hiding under a blanket with only his mouth poking out to breathe. He would put on his headphones and pretend the storm wasn't there. And nobody questioned anything. Until one particularly bad storm, where the power went out. Donnie was nine at the time, and hiding under the covers like usual. Not reading a comic or playing a video game, just sitting there. He's perfectly content just rocking back and forth, until there was a knock at his door.

"Hey Don? I just wanted to make sure you're alright." It's Raph's voice. His little brother would respond, but a particularly loud crack of thunder interrupts him. With a small cry, his ducks beneath the covers again.

His brother walks in, climbing up to the bed. He sits next to the terrified turtle, placing his hand on the leathery shell covered by a sheet.

"Hey, you okay?" Raph asks gently. He's never seen his brother like this. Apart from any incident involving beach balls, his little brother was always pretty stoic.

"Mmph," Donnie mumbles. He flinches as the wind starts to pick up outside, making a loud whistling sound. 

"I don't like it either. We can't even watch any JJ to distract us either," Raph sympathises. He grabs his brother's glasses, which sit discarded in the corner of the mattress, the bottoms wet from what was likely tears. "Do you want Mikey and Leo to join us? We can all have a sleepover tonight. Tell scary stories, steal some crackers and cupcakes from the kitchen..."

Donnie keeps on rocking back and forth. He can't make himself speak, but he does come out from under the covers.

Yes. He signs. His brother nods, handing him his glasses before leaving briefly to grab the rest of their family.

The purple masked turtle watches as his three brothers come into his room, dragging in blankets, pillows, and an unusual amount of scotch tape.

Why tape? He signs to Leo, whose arms were full of the little dispensers.

"So we can tape up our blankets! We can make a fort to protect us from the weather!" He grins and points to several pieces of paper on the floor with his foot. "I even made blueprints for you."

Donnie smiles, though he can't force his body to get entirely out of the covers yet. Instead, his blanket is wrapped around his shoulders. He watches from his elevated bed as his brothers lay everything out, making a snack corner piled with napkins, carefully moving different things out of the way so they can lay out their blankets, and stacking a pile of books that are a mixture of Donnie's favorite science facts and Jupiter Jim comics.

"What's this?" Little Mikey asks, holding up a torque wrench. 

No touch. For music box. Donnie signs to his little brother, who was miraculously paying attention. He wishes he knew more complex sign language so he could explain it was for fixing up an old boombox that he had found. He wanted to give his room a more 80s aesthetic, and that music player was basically gold to him. 

"Ooh! We can have a dance party!" Mikey squeals. He puts the wrench back and grabs his pack of paints he brought from his room and starts to color the white blanket on the floor.

Though there was no power and no batteries to power anything that could play music, that didn't bother the box turtle. Instead, he smiles and smeared paint on both the blanket and himself as the other two watch. He's creating a dance floor so that they can all jam out in style. 

"Maybe we shouldn't for a little while. The thunder's getting real bad right now," Raph says, glancing at Donnie, who nods. Loud music and loud thunder are sure to overwhelm him.

"Then it's hot cocoa and science books right now!" Leo declares. He dashes off to the kitchen, grabbing four mugs, eight packets of hot cocoa mix, and a thermos of hot milk. Why they had that laying around? Short answer: Mikey cooking. You don't want the long answer if you have any idea how well an eight year old can cook.

Once he gets back to his brother's room, he finds that Donnie has slowly started to leave his nest of blankets to join the others. Still no talking, but he's listening intently as Raph attempts to pronounce the word 'triglyceride'. 

"Tree- triglie-" He stammers. "Oh look! Hot cocoa!" He sets down the book to grab the mugs from his brother.

Leo sits down across from Donnie. He sips on the warm drink as he watches his brother reach for a book. It's a coloring book, filled with intricate tracings of plants and animals.

Angelo, pencil please. Donnie signs to his little brother. He would say 'Mikey' if the letter k wasn't so hard to sign with three fingers. He's still learning, so he has a feeling there'll be an easier way to sign eventually, he just has to find it.

His brother gives him a handful of colored pencils, which Donnie sorts before using. They sit and draw while Leo and Raph construct a fort around them. Unfortunately, scotch tape isn't very strong and the blankets keep falling, forcing Leo to catch them quickly before they fall onto his brothers. 

As the storm rages on outside, the inside becomes warm and inviting. The plastic candle light makes everything glow orange. They're plastic due to the fact that Leo is banned from being around open flames and the fact that Donnie hates scented candles. As Mikey and Donnie finish up their drawings, one of a rainbow skateboard and the other of a triceratops, Raph gets an idea. Since his brother is starting to forget the rain now, he decides it's time.

"Pillow fight!" He shouts, grabbing a fluffy pillow and smashing it into Leo's face, knocking him down. His brothers stand still for a moment before arming themselves as well.

"TEAM UP ON LEO!" Mikey shouts, tackling the blue brother.

The lair is filled with laughter and screams of rowdy boys messing around. There's a strong sense of relief that comes when they see Donnie smiling and laughing along with them. He's okay now. He'll always be okay, as long as his brothers are here with him. 

As the night continues, the turtles start to wind down. Raph is the first to fall asleep, which obviously leads to Mikey graffiting his face with several colorful Sharpies. He falls asleep next, becoming Raph's new teddy bear as the older brother clings to the younger one. Leo and Donnie giggle at the sight.

"I think you bruised me in the pillow fight," Leo whispers loudly. He does certainly have a bruise on his leg from when he challenged Donnie to a one-on-one. Leo, being as overconfident as he is, thought it would be an easy win. He forgot that his twin was the master at finding loopholes in rules.

"You didn't say I couldn't put my wrench in a pillowcase. I did add stuffing too, y'know," Donnie whispers back. His brother had specified 37 other things he wasn't allowed to use in a pillow fight, with bricks, boiling water, Mikey inside of his shell, and rocks being some of them.

"You're crazy," Leo grins.

"I know."

They sit together, barely concealing their laughter so that they don't wake their brothers. They probably wouldn't even if they did make noise, since the two brothers asleep are the heaviest sleepers. Almost nothing can wake them, like their dad. Like father, like son.

As his eyes start to get heavier, Donnie leans on his brother's shoulder. He doesn't like touching all that much, but Leo is warm and sits still. All he needs in a pillow.

"Thank you," He whispers. He probably would have spent the whole night in his freak-out mode, tears falling down his face until he fell asleep. If he fell asleep.

"Any time," Leo whispers back. He may not have been the first there for Donnie that night, but he wins by being the last up to accompany him. He'd do anything for his little brother. Even if that included getting hit with a wrench and letting his ego get bruised in Mario Kart.

Chapter Text

Donnie's mood has shifted. He can feel it, sort of. Emotions, like a cloudy sky, are finally clearing up. It's the first time in a while that he's woken up and thought to himself, 'Today's gonna be a good day'. He's no prophet, but this is something he can feel.

He's been making the sewer near his school his home. It reeks, but to Donnie, it smells like home. The perks of growing up in a sewer? And he spends his days in school and nights in the garage of Kendra and Jase's house. It's absolutely loaded with machinery, though not as much as his old lab. It's comforting being surrounded by the stuff and the Purple Dragons. Fellow smart people, though not as smart as he. His ego loves it. But he loves it on a social level too. The Dragons actually respect him.

It's strange, being in an environment full of people like himself. Donnie's never really had anyone who could actually nod along and understand what he was saying when he talked about his inventions. Sure, his school peers were a step above his brothers. But the Purple Dragons are closer to ten steps above.

"I'm glad you're with us now. Your tech really is astounding," Jeremy says. "And really, it's okay if you want to stay at my place. My parents have always wanted a second kid. Plus, I can't imagine the school has the most comfortable sleeping arrangements."

"Well it's not going to be permanent," Donnie says, gesturing to slow their roll. "Once my brothers apologize and see that they need me, I'm going back home. Big emphasis on the apology."

"Go back if you want, but you should know that you're better here," Kendra says, shrugging. Her eyes narrow, but that could be because she's focusing on some code on her laptop.

Donnie blinks. Those words are too familiar. Is it just a coincidence? Just his brain finding a pattern out of nothing?

"Yeah, you're right," Donnie says. If it is, then he at least knows what their motivations are. It's much easier to understand their allure to his tech and his abilities to contribute to their misdeeds than it is for him to think that maybe they are only being nice. 

"So I've been meaning to ask, how're you doing on the hoverboard?" Jeremy asks, biting down on the lollipop in his mouth. It makes a crunch that makes Donnie cringe. Awful sound.

"Oh, it's great! I was thinking of also building a test track to go with it, so we can test out how magnetic fields could work with it. Though theoretically, it shouldn't need any metal in the ground for it to float, but it never hurts to experiment," Donnie says. He keeps on talking about his latest invention, only because nobody stops him. It's a nice feeling, to get to talk endlessly about his work.

There is another upside to being with the Purple Dragons now that may actually outweigh being with his family. Kendra and Jase's parents. They are just so supportive of everyone in the club's work, but Donnie especially. It's  nice . He's finally getting the praise from a parent-aged adult that he's craved. 

While Splinter never actively did anything bad to Donnie, he was always sort of distant. The turtle didn't blame him, he knew how rough it had been for his dad to raise him. He wasn't an easy child and living on the streets after being held prisoner and mutated with three siblings could not have made it better. Still, it always hurt a bit whenever his father was too tired to look at his new inventions.

"Kendra! Would you and your friends like a snack?" Kendra's dad pokes his head into the garage. He looks over at Donnie's beta hoverboard and raises his eyebrows. "Wow, did you build that Othello? It looks- ah, what's the word? Brilliant! And to think at your age- well, when  I  was sixteen I was skateboarding with friends and we-"

"Dad! We're good." Kendra interrupts. She smiles and waves her father away, but Donnie is already glowing with the praise. It's not like he doesn't get compliments from the other Dragons, but compliments from an adult? Those give him a bubbly feeling of joy that extends all the way through his body. He waves his fists together with all that happy energy.

But it soon falls as Kendra gets the team back to business. The garage is once again filled with loud music to cover the much superior sounds of power tools and metal clanging together, but that's just Donnie's opinion. His noise-canceling headphones help him block out most of the sound. He might go deaf if he doesn't use them.

The night drags on, and Donnie slows his work pace despite the immense amount of caffeine flowing through his body. He just isn't feeling it right now. He got his praise, he should be tirelessly working on a happy high right now, but he isn't. And he isn't the only one to notice this, either.

"Talk," Kendra orders. She sets her laptop down next to him and continues to type. She ignores the fact that she might damage her laptop by being near a robot prototype.

"I feel bad," Donnie says immediately. He almost stops in surprise. He's never been so upfront about his negative emotions before. "I just left my family. I cut them out! And... I suppose that I'm worried about how they're doing now."

He'd told her about his family a few weeks ago. Or rather, how he's no longer a part of them. But only because the Dragons had asked about his housing arrangements and why he always smelled a little bit like the sewers. And why he never seemed to eat outside of school. He has money, but it's hard to go out in public to get food without his old disguises.

"You're a Purple Dragon now, Ryan. Not a 'Mad Dog', not a turtle. A dragon. Act like it," Kendra tells him. Her fingers click away on the keyboard.

Donnie nods, although he has no idea what that's supposed to mean. He doesn't act like a turtle, despite being one. Ish. By all accounts, he's mostly human. He's not even sure where he'd get dragon DNA from if he wanted to be more like one. Possibly from a komodo dragon?

"And hey," She says, voice softening. "It's not your fault. They haven't even noticed you've been gone, and for a full month nonetheless! You don't have anything to feel bad about. Here, I've got a new project for you." Kendra hands him a blueprint and hard drive.

Again with those familiar words. But those words comforted him in the past, now he just knows the face of the person saying them. He watches the back of her head as she rolls her chair back to where she was originally sitting. He goes back to work, looking at the new project, silently wishing he could just go to bed by now. All-nighters used to be fun. He could listen to music, talk to Shelldon, and he was always with Leo. His twin brother always struggled to sleep, so they'd accompany each other during the long night. He wonders how his brother's sleeping habits are now.

You're not part of them anymore. Don't feel bad.

Right. Don't feel bad. Donnie takes another swig of coffee and keeps on working. He's on a roll right now, he can afford to keep working. Tomorrow's the weekend anyhow. His tired eyes stare at the screen as he looks over this new assignment. It looks... dangerous.

"Hey Kendra, what about my hoverboard?" Donnie asks, gesturing to his almost complete project. He's been working tirelessly for a while now, but it still needed a solid week or two of work for it to be complete.

The purple-haired girl waves him away. "Don't care. New project, new priority."

"Aw c'mon Ken, just give him a little more time to finish-" Jeremy starts to say before being shushed by the girl.

"Nope. You didn't want to do the project, so now Donnie has to. If you really want, I'm sure he'll be willing to let you take over hoverboard making for the next few weeks."

Donnie and Jeremy share a look with each other. Donnie gives the boy a shrug and he gives him an apologetic grin. Kendra's the boss, whether they like it or not.

- - -

It's nearing sundown. Bright reds and oranges illuminate the sky, but below are the neon lights of the city lighting up the streets. Nothing is ever left in the shadows. Leo is grateful for that. He's never been a fan of the dark; it's always been where bad things hide. While he isn't convinced it's ghosts and demons like Mikey is, he knows there's still bad stuff out there. Wherever 'there' is. It's where Donnie is right now. Leo knows his brother wouldn’t just leave. Gone without a word or any of his stuff. Why? There’s gotta be something else going on. He refuses to believe his brother left entirely of his own accord.

Because that would mean Leo is not just a bad brother, but a really shit brother. He isn’t. Hasn't he always tried to be there for his brother? Hasn't he played games with him, supported his inventing, and tended to his wounds? He'd even held a cockroach still for him as he outfitted the bug with a camera before. But now Leo can't remember the last time that he had done any of those things for his brother. The closest he could think of was the tank and Shelldon being created.

He hasn't even played freakin' basketball with his brother in over a year. Sure, it's because Donnie sucks at sports. And he's got a softshell. And he usually sits on the sidelines anyway. But still, it never hurt to invite him. He supposes he just kinda stopped because... he didn't want to be pushy. And maybe he was a little embarrassed when they'd go out and his brother would be either antisocial, clumsy, or ignoring everything. It was fine when they were home, where everyone was used to Donnie's personality. 

Stop, stop. Imagine what he would say if he heard you say that.  Leo immediately feels guilty for feeling that way. But he never said those things out loud, so there's no way Donnie knew. He likes his brother's personality. Leo wouldn't change anything about Donnie ever. Period.

He should probably go home. He's known he's been avoiding going there; everything is so embedded with memories of his brother that it was painful to be there. At least when he's exploring the streets of the city he feels like he's actually doing something. He can barely stand letting himself sleep, giving himself too long of a break. But there's only so long he can keep this up before his body just gives out. Donnie would have a better solution. Whether that was a tracking device, security camera hacking, or just unleashing a bunch of drones. He could find himself. Why can't Leo?

"It's getting late. Thanks for your help," The slider says to the skeleton yokai. He's looking at the turtle with pity in his eye sockets. Leo had asked him if he'd seen anything, put up posters in his restaurant, and convinced him to keep an eye out and ask anyone he could about the missing softshell.

"Whatever I can do to help, Pepino," Hueso says, uncharacteristically gentle to the young turtle. Leo imagines it's because he looks like a mess right now. What teenager wouldn't be, with missing family and the weight of his guilt piling higher by the hour?

"See ya around, Bone Man."

He slips down into the sewers, following the path to the lair that he's taken thousands of times. The walls there are spray painted with various pieces of art, most by Mikey. They cover up the numerous cracks and bits of metal stuck in there from fights, roughhousing, and Donnie's loose inventions. Leo realizes he doesn't actually know much about the tech his brother tested here. Things must have gone wrong a lot, considering the fact that each splotch of paint is there mostly to cover up any damage. And there's a  lot  of paint.

The slider enters his home, finding that his gaze immediately goes to where his father's chair is. And his father in it. Watching TV and eating snacks, like always. There wasn't a time he remembers his dad getting out of that chair for more than a few hours. When the turtles were younger, Leo's sure he did. But Splinter's 'episodes', as Raph put it, got worse when they were preteens. That was what Leo remembers the most.

It had been almost a month by now. How? How had the time just slipped out from his grasp, passing by without giving them a pause to collect himself? He couldn't keep this up for much longer. There was only so much time that could pass before their father would ask about the lack of a fourth child in the house.

"I told you already Dad, Don's super busy. He's gonna freak out if you interrupt him," Leo tells Splinter, seeing he had gotten up to go to his son's laboratory. It was always Leo who stopped him, being by far the best liar of all the brothers. Mikey was always the worst at keeping secrets and Raph couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"Alright alright, fine. Just tell him whenever he comes out that there's a real car show I want to take him to later this week," Splinter says, sitting back down in his chair. Leo lets out a sigh of relief before going over to the skate ramp area of the lair, where he knew his two brothers would be.

He walks in to see Raph lifting weights and Mikey reading Jupiter Jim Saves A Cat while upside down. He takes a second to appreciate the scene. It's just a normal day. Totally. Leo hasn't gotten the chance to just relax, spending nearly every waking moment on the surface. He must have scoured the entire city twice over by now, with the only possible sign of his brother being a chipped piece of shell in a random alley. Not a good sign.

His brothers give a wave and a nod of greeting and Leo slides down to sit next to them.

"We need to talk," He says. The others look at him, pausing their activities. "It's been a month. I'm starting to get the feeling we shouldn't have pushed him away so much."

Raph scoffs. "Really? You think? Next, you're gonna say that we shouldn't have booted him off the team." He doesn't want to be mean. But every little thing around pisses him off. It's the best way he knows to deal with problems. Make everything a problem so he doesn't have to focus on the real ones.

"Hey, I still stand by that. He would've gotten one of us hurt again, like when we were at Señor Hueso's," Leo says. Donnie got  himself  hurt there, for crying out loud! Leo only wanted to keep him safe at that moment, fearful that his twin's overeagerness would lead to a problem he can't fix. Like now, he supposes.

"Are you kidding me?! Donnie saved your life, Leo!" Raph shouts. He throws one of the weights he was holding to the side, narrowly missing the quiet Mikey.

"You agreed on not taking him too!" Leo argues. This isn't his fault! Not entirely, at least. "Look, I called this meeting because we still haven't found him."

He isn't sure where he's going to go with this, but he'll figure it out along the way. He just needs to feel like he's doing everything he can.

"We should tell April," Mikey says. "If she hasn't already figured it out." Leo stares at him for a moment. Telling their best friend that their brother ran away and they still can't find him was almost as bad as telling their dad. But before Leo can try to argue, Raph agrees.

"She might still be talking with Donnie," the older brother says, crossing his arms.

"Fine," Leo sighs. "I'll call her."

- - -

"I'm sorry, ARE YOU THREE HIGH?!?" April shouts.

"Hey hey, keep it TV-Y7, April," Leo warns.

April did not take the news well. When they told her, she went quiet at first. They had hoped that she'd take it with a few tears and agree to help find their brother. Instead, the turtles were getting a (much-needed) lecture. And when their best friend feels the need to lecture, they know they've messed up.

"No, I will not, Leonardo. Because it  sounds  like you three just cast out your own brother and the only one who knows how to think on this team!! I don't like playing this card, but I am so calling Splinter," April says, resigning her anger to be channeled through the boys' father. She hates being mad at her friends, even when they are being the most stupid pieces of crap on the planet.

"No need April. I came to find out why you five been louder than my TV," The rat man says, entering the kitchen. He pauses and looks around. "Four. Where's Purple?"

The looks of guilt on the turtle's faces should have been a dead giveaway. But their father wanted a real explanation.

"Well," April says, crossing her arms. "Tell him. Or I do."

"Donnie ran away..." Raph starts.

"AND IT'S ALL OUR FAULT!" Mikey cries, clinging onto April who pretends that he isn't. She wasn't so heartless as to push him off.

"Mostly mine. I said some pretty mean stuff. But he deserved it! And I was going to apologize too, it's just that, y'know," Leo says, trailing off. He gestures to the general lack of Donnie in the lair.

"We didn't want him getting himself or us hurt," Raph explains.

"He's so arrogant sometimes too! If he had just talked to us then-"

"He did talk to us, guys! He tried and we failed as brothers and now he's gone and we're all gonna DIE!"

Splinter nods, patting his youngest son on the head. He had never seen the boy this inconsolable since he was three and Raphael had accidentally crushed his foot.

"Leonardo," He says. The turtle in question gulps. For one thing, his dad remembered his full name. Secondly, he  used it .

"...yeah?"

"Do you remember what I told you when you were very young? You had wanted to go out to the surface, but only with Orange and Red. You told me you didn't want your brother to get hurt, that he only was going to get you all in trouble."

Leo nods. He remembers that moment, though it's very foggy.

"I knew that sending all four of you at once posed a risk, especially with Purple and Orange. But I still made all of you go. Do you remember why?"

Leo looks down at his feet, not wanting to see his brothers' faces. He knows what's coming.

"Because we have to take care of each other," He mumbles.

His father nods.

"Your brother is very special, just like the rest of you. But he has always had difficulties with communication, and my hope as a father was to make sure he never felt uncomfortable communicating with family, and that he could always be himself with us. But it seems you haven't been letting him."

"And Raph," April adds, turning to the oldest brother. "What's rule number one?"

"Huh?"

"Of the 'Mad Dogs'. What's rule number one?"

"tke cre 'f fmily..." He mutters.

"HUH?!" April says exaggeratedly. She's being a bit of an ass, but her friends absolutely deserve it. All those times she's tried calling her best friend recently, his brothers just lied and lied. They said he was sick. He was busy. He was tired. He was hyperfixating. 

"Take care of family!" Raph shouts at her. "But he said we weren't!"

April pinches the bridge of her nose. "And you didn't think that was a sign something was wrong? Donnie loves you guys more than anything, and he's so used to being left out! Honestly, it's ridiculous-"

And after all they've been through. She can't really believe this. Would Donnie just  leave  like that? Without a word, not even telling her at least? It stings. And she's distraught. Why? Just why? Why are her best friends going through this, why couldn't they all just stay happy? Why didn't she help them?

"This isn't entirely our fault! He wanted to be left alone and he never talked to us! How are we supposed to know if he just shuts himself in his room all day?" Leo argues.

"He did try to talk to us, guys!" Mikey says, wiping tears out of his eyes. "We-  I  ignored him."

Everyone turns to him. He starts to shrink back into his shell. All those times Donnie had tried to hang out, all those times he looked like he had something to say but never did. Those were all his fault. He pushed him away to go do something else. Nearly every time.

"So you all suck. Now get over your self-pity and let's go find Donatello," April says. She pats Mikey on the head to try to console the little brother.

The turtles grab their weapons and head off. Surely, after a month of searching, they'll have at least some idea of where he is.

Chapter Text

It was a pleasant morning, one where the family had gathered together in the kitchen. It had that feeling of something that would be remembered and looked back on with comments of 'it was nice being together for once' and 'doing that again sometime'. Splinter was reading the newspaper, Mikey was making pancakes, and Leo and Raph were messing around with each other.

The two older boys wrestled around the room, having a surprising amount of energy for so early in the morning. Maybe it was Leo's three cups of coffee or maybe it was Raph's caffeine-spiked orange juice. Probably both. As the smell of pancakes fills the house and the finished ones started to pile up, the brothers were getting antsy. But with almost the whole family here, they had agreed to wait for the middle child, Donnie, to wake before eating.

Since everyone had woken around the same time, they assumed the same would be true for him. It was sort of a thing that would happen in the family, just being one of those days. Everyone got along for once, the day was calm and uneventful, and everyone would simply relax. Honestly, a bit of relaxation was something that the whole lot of them needed. Being crime-fighting turtles can be stressful sometimes.

But just as Mikey flips the ninth pancake into the air, the lair shakes with a boom. The brothers' fighting instincts kick in and Raph and Leo rush to the source of the noise. Mikey is frozen, torn between the fear of burning his food and his fear of whatever the noise was, but his brothers have gone first. They're older, they can handle it. Their dad stares in the direction his older two sons have run, torn between the same fight-or-flight response as his youngest child.

Across the lair, the older two brothers have found the source of the noise. It was Donnie's lab. The entrance was covered in bits of scrap metal and is blackened, from what is likely scorch marks. This sets off major alarm bells, and with a single shared nod, Raph rushes into the lab, covering his mouth with his mask in order to not breathe in any fumes. Leo darts off to Donnie's room, hoping that his brother was asleep there and not stuck in the lab. Maybe it was a rogue invention and not an accident from his brother pulling an all-nighter.

They found the answer as Raph pulls an unconscious Donatello out from the lab, his arm slung around Raph's shoulder. His brother didn't appear too injured, his battle shell and heavy-duty safety glasses still on. Still, he had to get him a bit of medical attention. What had even happened to cause this? It wasn't like lab accidents were uncommon with Donnie, but usually, they didn't go out with a bang. More like a puff of smoke and maybe a small burn here and there. Nothing Mikey's ice packs and Leo's band-aids couldn't handle.

The red-eared slider returns back to his brothers, breaking into a run when he sees his twin passed out over the shoulder of Raphael. He knew something was wrong when he couldn't find his brother in his room, or anywhere else in the lair, but he didn't expect critical injury this early in the morning. Near-death experiences feel like they should be more of a late-night sort of thing.

"Donnie! Are you okay?" Leo asks, panicked and hitting his brother on the side of the face. "C'mon, wake up dude!"

His brother doesn't stir. He gulps, feeling his heart beating in his ears. The caffeine was definitely not helping. Why couldn't the stuff calm him down as it does with Mikey?!

"Go get Dad," Raph tells him. He shoos Leo away before setting his brother down to check the damage. The front of his body is all scorched and blackened, though it looks to be from ash and grease, not burned flesh. That's a relief.

Raph looks into his brother's lab. What could he have been building that caused an explosion? His brother had been so closed off the past few days, spending nearly every waking moment in his lab. Only Mikey and Leo had been allowed in, and Leo was only there to sit and watch. Mikey was there to deliver food, being in and out quickly. Raph was a little hurt not being allowed in, being compared to a 'bull in a china shop' whenever he tried to check up on his brother.

He takes a tentative step back into the lab, trying to get a glimpse at whatever had been destroyed.

"Ugh..." The softshell turtle groans, slowly coming to. He pushes himself to a stand, and Raph rushes to his side, ready to support him in case he falls over.

"Donnie! What happened?" He asks. He doesn't wait for a response, his protective instincts taking hold instead. "C'mon, let's get you to the med-bay, you need some patching up."

But his brother shoves himself away, wrestling himself out of Raph's arms. Quite the feat, considering how large he is in comparison to the softshell.

"I know what I did!" He stumbles back to his lab, injuries clear now. "It was the angle... grinding against the wrong part-"

Donatello drags himself back into his lab, grabbing the broken parts of the machine he was building. He sets them down on his workstation and gets to building again, already forgetting about his body's needs and his brother's worry. A brother who is standing right behind him, less than pleased at being pushed away.

"Don," Raph says. "You. Are. Injured." He says it slow and angry, never a good sign for whoever was on the receiving end.

"Mhm, not severely though. I'll get to it later," Donnie says, waving his brother away. He has work to do, and he's so close to finishing this project. He might even set a new record for fasted complete invention yet!

"Are you even gonna tell me what happened?" Raph asks. "You passed out, Donnie! And your lab is in shambles and you're covered in ash and you're burned and there's literally a piece of metal in your leg- "

"I'm FINE!" Donnie shouts. "Go away! I have work to do and I don't need another nuisance. Unless you want another accident to happen."

Raph stares at the turtle. Did he really just say that? He knows he isn't the most graceful turtle, but it stings to be called out on it. And his little brother is injured! How is he supposed to react? Just leave him be, abandon him when he needs help? He knows his brother struggles to ask for help, so he needs to force him to accept help.

"Are you crazy? Your stupid invention can wait, your health comes first!" Raph grabs his brother by his shell armor and lifts him up, but Donnie simply presses the release button and plops back down into his chair.

"I've almost got it. I don't need any help right now, okay?!" This time, he doesn't even bother to look at Raph as he talks. That pisses the brother off even more.

"You are ridiculous. And going to the med bay. Now," He insists. It's all he can do to not drag his brother out by the arm, but he's already injured. And Raph wants to at least try and let his brother do things of his own volition, instead of being forced like he's five again.

"You're not our dad, you can't make me do shit," Donnie says. "Please, just go away Raphael."

Last straw. Raph grabs his brother and slings his entire body over his shoulder this time, his size making it hard for his brother to wriggle free. He walks past Leo, who had just returned with their actual dad. Raph couldn't help but feel a little resentment towards the rat mutant for not even bothering to check up on his own son and making him play the surrogate father role again. But he reminds himself that it's just the duty of being the oldest.

- - -

That was only around two years ago. Yet it felt like a lifetime. Looking back, all Donnie could see was how annoying his family is. Interrupting him, trying to snoop around in his stuff, honestly, it was all so annoying. Kendra tells him that's not how families work. Real families keep to themselves and don't force the most useful member to take unnecessary time off. Donnie pretends that he doesn't have a scar on his leg from that incident so he can justify her thinking. 

But that doesn't stop him from asking about his brothers whenever he sees the Purple Dragons. It's only because they actually go out and about around the city and he doesn't. His genius is better spent working on the new project than out crime-fighting, or at least that's what Jeremy said. Donnie knows he's mostly saying that to keep him working on stuff that the Dragons can use for personal purposes, but they treat his stuff with care now. So it's no big deal to turn a blind eye to the few hours that various things go missing. He has a feeling that especially this new upcoming invention would be going missing.

He's been working on building up the blueprints Kendra had given him over a week ago. On the surface, the invention seems innocent enough. A spider-like spy gadget that can crawl, record, and latch onto walls. It's what it can theoretically contain that makes Donnie uneasy. But he has to make it. The Dragons have been kind enough to let him in and give him a place to stay, so he must make himself useful. 

"They look happy on their own, I don't know what to tell you," Jeremy says with a shrug. It's just the guys hanging out in Jase's garage today, which is fine by Donnie. They brought pizza.

There was an off-putting vibe to the whole thing, feeling like it was part of a parallel universe. No turtles, but tech nerds instead. No family, only acquaintances. It was strange, to be doing the exact same things that the mutant turtles would be doing together, only with different people. It made Donnie feel a little uncomfortable, though he would push down all those feelings and ignore any concerns. New faces, same habits..?

Jase nods in agreement with Jeremy. "The box turtle made statements about 'razzmatazz', the red-eared slider made  many  bad one-liners, and the snapping turtle equated himself to a boss figure."

Donnie blinks. That is way too many words to just say his brothers are their normal selves, with their normal catchphrases and such. He grabs another slice to buy himself some time to think of a response. Or remember any of his pre-made ones.

"Yeah, that sounds like them." He takes a bite before setting his pizza on a plate, somewhat aggressively. "They weren't even a little sad? Or struggling at all?"

Jeremy stands up, walking over to the turtle. He leaves his plate at the table where he was sitting, annoyingly close to his laptop. As if he's not scared of grease stains and getting crumbs in precious technology.

"Why, do you want them to be?" He asks. It was basic questions like that that made Donnie annoyed. Of course, he doesn't want to see them in pain, but at the same time, he wants them to need him. And Jeremy even asking these kinds of questions just feels way too emotional and touchy-feely. He's getting sick of having to open up about his emotions. Secretly, he knows that his brothers wouldn't force him like this.

"I mean, maybe a little. Is that so wrong? I'm their brother, I held that team together and balanced out their impulsivity! They should be falling apart without me. Unless I really was, y'know..." He doesn't need to finish the sentence. Useless .

But the two members of his new team don't offer much in the way of support. Of course, they don't. Donnie turns back to his workspace, going back to his work.

"You're not, dude. More importantly, don't let Kendra hear you say that kinda stuff. I'm pretty sure she despises your whole team. Which is bad, since I'm usually the only person she despises," Jase says. He knows his step-sister pretty well. Well enough to know her opinions of everyone are usually that she's above them and they're not worth her time. Or if they are, it's to berate them. And 'them' is Jase.

"Hey, not true. She hates that one baseball girl. The one who smashed her computer that one time," Jeremy points out.

Donnie knows exactly who he's talking about. April. April O'Neil. The sudden reminder of her makes way for the sudden realization that Donnie hasn't even  seen  his best friend in over a month. It's too late to contact her now, the first thing she'd do would be to yell at him for disappearing like that. Oh boy, that'd be an awkward conversation. One to avoid at all costs.

Some odd hours pass, with the pizza growing cold. It was just work, work, work all that night. Honestly, although he loves to build and invent, it was getting a little tiring. The Dragon's workload had been making him pull all-nighters frequently, and he was starting to get a crick in his neck after every time he fell asleep. There weren't many breaks, with school basically out of the picture to instead spend more time building. Damn, he can't remember the last time he went skateboarding. Maybe he'll do that later. Some fresh air would be nice.

It's probably past midnight by now, which means he's got plenty of nighttime left to cover for him. Donnie looks around the garage at the two others, finding Jase fast asleep on the floor and Jeremy measuring something.

"Jeremy, I'm taking off. Be back in a bit," Donnie says, grabbing his skateboard from the corner of the garage. He dusts off stray wood shavings and dirt from it.

"Where you going?" Jeremy asks, pausing his work.

"Out to rob a bank, obviously," Donnie says sarcastically. Though he probably could rob a bank if he wanted to. The Dragons were low on funds anyway, they'd probably appreciate it.

"Don't get caught," Jeremy says back, matching his dry tone.

Ugh, it was like being with low-energy Leo full-time. Absolutely no real conversations to be had, only quips and jokes that aren't that funny. Whenever it was with Leo, though, it was fine. Because they were both too tired to care, or too amped up on caffeine to have completely clear heads. Now it's just boring. But who would he be if he just abandoned another group of people just because he got bored?

The night is cold, but not with the sting of winter quite yet. That'd probably be coming soon, along with reminders of happy days in the form of the snow covering the park grounds all over the city. He puts his hood up, wishing that he had remembered to wear proper pants. His hoodie wasn't the most insulated thing, even if it was a lovely satin. As he skates across the streets and sidewalks, he lets the sounds of the city all blend together. It could be calming, as long as he didn't think about anything. Or focus on anything. Really, the trick to surviving crowds was to just let himself space out a little.

Muscle memory leads him to a skate park, one surprisingly empty. Though technically it is closed, so he shouldn't be surprised. Does this mean he's trespassing? Yeah, probably. But does he care? Oddly enough, not at all. Did he ever care at one point?

He skates around all night. It's calming, the sound of everything being so far away. All there is here is himself, his board, and the pavement. It's actually how he spent many afternoons when his home would get too chaotic for his liking. And whenever Raph insisted he gets some sort of exercise instead of being on his phone all day. He misses his phone terribly. This might have actually been the one thing that could curb his addiction to it; forceful removal. His brothers could track his phone's location, after all.

Pfft. As if they even knew how to do that. His entire life has been spent playing technician for his family. 'Donnie fix this', 'Donnie build that'. But very rarely he got a 'good job' or a pat on the back. Especially from his father. He still remembers that demolition derby. He lied. Liar, liar, liar. That's all he is. Why is he thinking that? Splinter apologized. They always apologize. Ugh, why is his every thought being wasted on his family? What Donnie wouldn't give to just shut his brain off sometimes. Though when he tries, he only makes it worse.

Just skate. Skate and pretend it doesn't remind him of everything he doesn't have and everything he never got. Funny how quickly his mind makes connections and spirals out of control. What else to think about? There isn't much. Just projects. Ones that were becoming suspiciously weapon-related, though none outright weapons. Donnie builds them on the Dragon's suggestion, almost doing it in a sort of desperate way. They smile and nod and approve of all of his creations, never once being sarcastic and cynical. Because isn't he the cynical one?

Whatever. He can't focus. It's a damn good thing he's a skateboarding expert, or he would've gotten himself hurt already. Especially with the darkness, and the moon not providing much illumination at the night. The city lights are out in the distance, but the skating park is tucked away.

He should call Shelldon. It's a thought that suddenly pops into the turtle's head, and once it does Donnie can't get rid of it. That robot is his pride and joy, and he's away from the Purple Dragons. They won't be able to take him. Ugh, he shudders at the thought of even them laying a finger on Shelldon. The cold air around certainly doesn't help. But it was bad enough his brothers had messed with his circuitry, but the Dragons messing with him? They'd mess him up, permanently. Take his AI and personality and change it into something evil, something selfish. He knows the Dragons are taking care of him, but he can't trust them with someone so precious.

Does that mean he should be able to trust them at all? He has to trust them. He has no choice. But at the same time, Donnie knows they're probably lying and manipulating him, with Kendra's sudden sugar-sweet kindness and insistence on him only building being the first red flag. But he's confident he can out-think them and their mind games. He just wants some comfort. That's why he's calling Shelldon, isn't it? A reminder that not all is lost.

Donnie reaches for his wrist gauntlet, inputting the command to call the robot to his location. He isn't sure it'll work from this far away. Come to think of it, he isn't sure that his brothers have been properly taking care of Shelldon. All the more reason to call his robot. It can be a routine checkup. He may not have his tools on him, but he can make due. All he has to do is wait for him to show up.

He hopes that his robot has been taken care of while he's been gone. The turtle can't imagine that the others would have done anything  bad  to Shelldon, but the lair can be a very dangerous place. Just full of the hazards of rambunctious teenage boys. But maybe it's safer, now that Donnie isn't there to test his inventions. Many ends up accidentally damaging something on their first test run. That's why he started testing stuff out in the sewers too.

After almost thirty minutes pass, Donnie starts to worry that Shelldon won't come. Maybe he got damaged. Or he's out of battery. Ugh, he should have taken the robot with him. Stupid mistake.

But then he hears the comforting sound of mechanical whirring. The softshell kicks up his skateboard and turns to see his little turtle bot. He smiles slightly.

"Salutations, Shelldon," He says.

"Yo, Donnie! We've missed you, dude!" The robot nudges him happily. Donnie scratches him but pauses as the words register.

"We?"

Chapter Text

It's embarrassing to admit that their only clue to finding their brother came from his robot. After the first night of searching with the whole family, April included, they had turned up nothing. It was like Donatello had never existed on the streets of New York. They checked security cameras, with eyewitnesses, even getting Hueso's whole restaurant to be on the lookout. April had agreed to stay the night before helping the family search again in the morning, but as Leo went to Donnie's room, he saw Shelldon start to power up.

The last time Shelldon was active was to deliver Donnie's final message. He had returned to the lair just a few hours after, reporting that he couldn't find Donnie and was going into power-saving mode. The fact that he was up and running again meant something big. Leo pulls his mask up and fastens it on again. He's ready. He will not lose this lead, possibly the only lead, to Donatello. He knows that he has a few seconds as Shelldon fully boots up to go get the others. They can all get up and running before the bot starts to do whatever it is Donnie must have activated him to do. He can only hope it's to lead them to wherever he is.

Could this mean their brother has forgiven them? That's what Leo wants to believe. But the fact that he isn't sure of what his brother's reaction to something would be scares him a bit. He should know his twin so well he can predict anything he'll say or do. It's twin powers, right? Leo runs to the living room, where the family had set up a blanket fort. Sure, it fell apart quickly because none of them really knew how to make something structurally stable. But they weren't going to just let April sleep in the living room alone.

He walks up to his brothers plus April and rips the blankets off of them. "GET UP! EMERGENCY!" 

"Leo, what the hell-" Raph mumbles.

"Shut your damn mouth around Mikey..." April grumbles, hitting the large turtle in the mouth with a pillow.

"What is it, bro?" Mikey asks, springing up with such energy that Leo doubts he was ever asleep.

"Shelldon's back on."

That got April up immediately. Without waiting another second, she sprints to the missing turtle's room. She is finding her best friend, or at least she'll take advantage of this one connection she has left to him. She doesn't even question why the robot had suddenly turned on. He had been powered off since Donnie left. So had everything in his lab, actually. It was surreal being inside any space Donnie frequented without hearing the background noise of machines or seeing anything being scattered about. Sometimes it was clothes, sometimes it was 80s movies disks, sometimes it was comics and books. 

She places her hand on the robot's head, watching as he looks around the room.

"Hey there, O'Neil. The Don-Man back yet?" The robot asks.

She shakes her head silently. Too tired to even talk. It had been way too long a day and she could feel the bags under her eyes. Ugh, she has calculus test coming up. That'll be a pain. But it will be worth it if she finds her friend. Really, that's the only thing she can think about. Which helps her control her anger towards the rest of the brothers. 

"Oh, bummer. Well, I've got some coordinates I'm gonna follow, see ya later!" Shelldon starts to fly off, but Raph blocks him in the doorway, a blanket covering his shoulders. 

"Orrrrrr, hear me out here, you pause for a sec and let us come with you?" Leo asks. He slips into the room underneath his brother's arm, clearly on the brink of something. Whether that was a breakdown or bursting with joy was unknown.

The robot pauses briefly, considering Leo's words. Last time the red-eared slider had this tone with him, he was trying to convince him not to kill Donnie. But that was a different time, a different version of Shelldon. 

"Hmm, my programming does say to listen to Leo whenever Don's out. So okay!" 

And now they have their lead. Finally, finally they were going to find their missing family member. They were all so focused on finding him that they hadn't put much thought to what they were actually going to say to him. 

But that doesn't matter right now. The turtles follow the robot through the rooftops of the city, staying out of sight despite the cover that the night provides. They can't be too careful, especially with Raph insisting on treating everyone like they're little kids again and not letting them out of his sight. Leo may be the only one daring/stupid enough to not care about this. He rushes ahead, skips through buildings, and splits up with the group frequently. Like he always does.

They dash across the city, passing buildings and crowds. They knew most of it by heart now, having spent just as much time out as they did at home. April as well. Due to her lack of being a mutant, she has the freedom of taking the open streets and public transport. She opts to, knowing that she can't run at the same speed as the mutant turtles can. Not when they're like this.

After running and running and running for what seems like ages, they finally reach a point where Shelldon stops. The robot drifts over to a skate park, hovering by a figure who sits on top of one of the ramps. They're alone. And trespassing. For a second, everyone is confused. Donnie is a stickler for the rules. There have been multiple occasions where he's cried because the rest of them ignored the rules of some place. Though that never stopped him from making up his own rules for things to benefit himself.

But when the figure stands and their hood falls off, there is no doubt that it's their brother. He talks with the robot briefly, before turning to where his brother hide in the shadows. 

"Omigosh, Donnie!" Mikey starts to run towards the turtle, happy tears threatening to well up in his eyes. 

Leo looks at him, following his little brother. "Is it really you, Tello?"

Their brother looks mostly the same, but his energy is all off. Raph mostly finds himself thinking where did all those injuries come from? Why wasn't I there to protect him? His little brother is covered in cuts, scrapes, bruises, and a few burns. Most of those are pretty normal, considering how many of his inventions tend to go haywire. But the sheer amount of them now is what worries him. This is exactly why he didn't want him going out on his own!

They're moments away from reconciliation, but Raph doesn't move. He’s conflicted. On the one hand, he’s found his missing brother. He should be overjoyed and filled with relief. But he isn’t. That’s what worried him. Is he starting to actually believe what Donnie had said so long back? No. He’s Raph, he’s the older brother who’ll protect this family no matter what. And Donnie is still family. No. Matter. What. Right?

In case you haven't noticed, Raphael, we're all completely different species of turtle. The only thing we share his being mutant! We aren't brothers.

Why did he say that? Or more importantly, why hadn't he taken it back? Why hadn't Raph forgiven him yet. This was also probably the worst time to be remembering that moment, though it's not as if it's been on repeat in his head for weeks now. Once the anger subsided, that was all he could think of. His little brother's voice, echoing in his head.

We aren't brothers.

It's stupid. Probably the stupidest thing his brother has ever said. So he needs to just ignore it and be happy he's got his brother at all. Raph walks to join the rest of his family.

Mikey and Leo have already locked their brother in an embrace, letting it be brief as Donnie shrugs them off. He does hug them back though, giving Mikey the affection he's missed. He only gives his older brother a nod as a greeting with more of his attention on the people surrounding him.

"Oh, I'm so glad you guys are safe," Donnie says, patting his little brother on the head. Not a hug, but still familial affection.

"Speak for yourself, dude! Where have you been? Are you okay?" Leo asks. Words can't even begin to express the sense of pure relief he feels. His brother is safe. His twin is alive. Donnie doesn't hate him. Don doesn't know what he said, what he tried to do the day he disappeared.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." The softshell waves off the concerns of his family. His attention is more on Shelldon. The snitch. He'll deal with that later.

But whether later will actually come is a different question. Because just as April shows up and briefly reunites with her best friend, Donnie's wrist gauntlet lights up. 

Donnie Detection! A crime is in progress!

The group crowds around Donnie as he reads the news. A bank robbery. At least three perpetrators. Only a few blocks away from their current location. Everyone but Donnie had their weapons on them, so four out of five. 

"Whaddya say, beat these guys up as the Mad Dogs?" Leo asks, holding out his hand for a fist bump.

"With me?" Donnie asks. 

"Obviously," Leo replies. Donnie bumps him back as an agreement. His brother doesn't know quite how elated he feels to be a part of the team again. And with seemingly no consequences or issues to deal with from running away.

"Let's go fight these jerks."

Without a moment's more hesitation, the team runs off. It's going to be just like how it was before, this past month nothing more than a blip. They're together now, how could anything bad ever happen?

When a conflict of interest occurs, that's how. Because when they reach the bank, slipping inside and chasing after the thieves, Donnie recognizes them. 

"The Purple Dragons-" He gasps. He had taken off his hoodie once he saw his brothers, hiding the satin dragon logo from them on the off chance they recognized it. Good thing he did, considering April showed up.

Leo turns to him. Not for very long, as he's still running after the purple-haired girl.

"You know these clowns?" He asks. He's certainly never seen them before. Though their jackets looked mildly familiar.

"We- we should go-" Donnie tries to say, but he mumbles.

"Of course we know them. These are the jerks who stole Donnie's tech and tried to kill you guys with a giant mech," April says louder.

She remembers, and certainly has no warm feelings for the classmates she's known all her life. Especially Kendra, the heartless piece of crap. She still remembers the time when they were kids, Kendra had finally wanted to be her friend. Then a month later, she turned around and ghosted her. April knew it was because she had been all but kicked off the softball team, so nobody wanted to hang out with her anymore. Whatever. They were like, nine.

"Oh, in that case," Raph says. "Why don't we let Don lead the fight with these guys? You'll probably know more about how their gadgets work than we will."

Donnie gulps. He clenches his fists, body frozen in place. He can feel the expectant stares on him. But what is he supposed to do? Leo pokes him on the shoulder, then waves his hand in front of his face. The softshell pushes him away, nervously fidgeting with his hands.

"Stop it, Leon. I'm trying to think," He says. He turns to the group after a few seconds. "I'll go face the leader, Kendra. You guys stay back until I figure out what their tech does. It could hurt you if you don't. But from the looks of things, there should be a disable button on the top left side of anything. I- recognize the work."

Without waiting for the approval he know he won't get, Donnie chases after the girl, down the empty hallways. The bank had been evacuated, after all. The turtles share a look with each other, each a little confused. Their brother was different. Not in any particularly good or bad way, just not the same as he was before. He's acting weird, but not Donnie-weird.

"We're absolutely following them, right?" April asks. She isn't one to ignore her friend's requests, but she's faced the Purple Dragons before and knows they can all handle them. Plus, backup is always a good thing. Donnie's just probably used to being alone while crime-fighting and didn't think to adjust to the fact that he's not alone anymore. He won't have to face them on his own.

Raph looks hesitant, but Leo nods and pulls out his sword. Since Mikey and April follow, the decision is already made. They follow the path they saw Donnie take, splitting up at multiple different crossroads in the hallways. The place was like a maze. Soon, each person is on their own. They can always text once they've found the Dragons.

It's Raph who reaches his younger brother first, hearing his voice behind an almost closed door. He leans up against the wall, listening in. He doesn't know why he doesn't just burst in and start smashing stuff, but he's been trying to be a lot more of a think-things-through guy. Maybe because Donnie's not here to do it for him. Maybe.

"What are you guys doing?!"

"What, it's not like this is in broad daylight or anything. How'd you even find us?"

"I- an alert. I still fight crime, y'know."

"Mhm. Just not our crimes. I thought we had a deal, Purple."

"I never said we did."

"And yet here we are."

"Will you stop this?! Just-"

Raph has heard enough. Maybe someone smarter would have kept listening, but his patience has run out. As he knocks down the door unnecessarily, all of the undealt with anger he's been feeling boils over. He's mad. How could Donnie betray them like this? Raph bets he only called Shelldon because he wanted his little robot's help committing more crimes. Splinter should've raised him better than this. Now Donnie's gone over to the dark side. He should've known. He started separating himself from the family months ago. Ever since that damn argument. 

We aren't brothers.

Raph barely remembers what he did to even deserve that kind of response.

"What's going on here?!" The snapping turtle demands. He looks between the softshell and the girl. She's sitting, rather comfy for someone Donnie's supposed to be fighting.

"Raph! It's not what you think-" Donnie starts to say. The purple-haired girl shushes him immediately.

"Shut it! You brought your brothers? Really? You are pathetic. I thought we were enough for you?! We gave you everything!" She shouts.

"I didn't- Kendra!" Donnie stumbles over his words, reaching out for her. But the girl- Kendra- powers up her backpack. Which is not a backpack, it's one of Donnie's jetpacks.

"You know they're only going to use you. They don't care."

She escapes through the window without anyone stopping her. Raph, because he doesn't care about the other villain. Donnie, because he's too stunned and afraid to move. He can't even make himself turn to face his brother. He doesn't need to see him to know the expression he'll have. Angry, disappointed, furious, confused, sad, upset. Any of those. Those are supposed to be the emotions he prevents, not causes.

"What the hell, Donatello?" 

Raph takes another step into the room, closing the mountain of a gap between the two turtles. He won't call for the others yet. They're probably busy dealing with the other criminals. After all, it seems like Donnie never works alone.

"All this time we've been worried sick about you, and you ran off to become a villain?! Look, I know you hate me, but that's an overreaction!" The older brother shouts.

"When did I ever say I hated you?" Donnie asks. His voice remains neutral. He can't at least pretend to be ashamed, or even angry?

"You've made it pretty obvious. What I can't understand is what middle-child nonsense has driven you to this? We're supposed to be heros."

His brother doesn't have a response to that. Instead, he just stares. For a very long time, the room is silent. Raph won't go on without at least getting a response of some sort. Donnie doesn't know how to react and still make it out of this with a family of some sort. Maybe he's better off with none at all.

Raph doesn't understand. Where had he gone wrong? He knows he gets angry sometimes. But he can't help it. His entire family is so reckless, including himself. They all lack impulse control and when they mess up and people get hurt, Raph has to shoulder the blame. But at least when people were getting hurt, it wasn't his own family actively trying to cause it. Now it is. 

"Look, I was only doing it because I had nowhere else to go," Donnie starts to say.

"You could've gone home! That's what I still don't get? Why would you do something as childish as running away? You're supposed to be the smart one! I'd expect that kind of behavior from Leo, not you," Raph says. He's mad. He's tired. He wishes Splinter were here to deal with this instead of him. He doesn't want to be mad, but he can't help it. Why isn't there dad here anyway?

Donnie stays silent. He looks anywhere but at his brother, slumping down against the wall. He looks so much smaller without his battle shell or hoodie on. But the heavy silence that hangs in the air between them is broken by April running into the room, baseball bat in hand.

"There you guys are! C'mon, Leo and Mikey are keeping 'em distracted! Let's go!" She doesn't bother to look at the scene between the brothers, or at the lack of the girl they were pursuing. Call it tunnel vision due to battle, but they don't have time to look at the smaller details. Especially when the others are in danger.

Donnie and Raph share a glance and follow April out of the room. 

"You tell them after this, or I do," Raph says. He doesn't get a yes or no from the softshell, but he doesn't need one.

But by the time they rejoin their brothers, the Purple Dragons are already gone. Without their stolen money, but they still got away. Which couldn't help but make Raph think. Did Donnie have something to do with this? 

Once they've gotten out of sight of the reporters and cameras wanting to see what happened at the bank, Mikey tries to pick up where they left off. 

"So Donnie-"

"Stop. Don't talk to him, Mike. He's with those criminals!" Raph says. He puts himself between the younger brothers and the middle one. Donnie only looks at him as he does that, his face not giving away a single emotion he's feeling on the inside.

"Whaaat? Raph, you're crazy. Donnie, tell me what's goin' on," Leo says, leaning on his older brother so casually. "I mean, if you're a criminal then I'm a resident of New Jersey, right?" He laughs. 

"I'm not joking. That's why he left. That's why he hasn't been talking to us. I guess we're replaced." Raph glares down at his brother. He regrets the words as soon as he says them, but doesn't feel any particular need to take them back. Not when Donatello is a villain.

"Leave me alone." It's a simple request. That's all Donnie has to say in response to his confession.

"Donnie, I know we haven't always gotten along in the past, but-" Leo starts to say.

"Save the speech, Nardo. I don't care," Donnie cuts him off.

Mikey approaches the softshell, trying to reach out for him. But Donnie steps back, setting down his skateboard. Why'd he even bring it with? He wants to leave, to run away again. But the youngest brother is determined to not let that happen again. He doesn't want to lose him again.

"We just want you to come home," Mikey says. He meets his brother's eyes. Donnie looks away.

"Why? Did Splinter break the TV again? Or let me guess, you want someone to bail you out of chores?" Donnie crosses his arms with an eye roll to match. 

"We would never!" Leo gasps, genuinely offended.

"Liar." Donnie turns to the oldest brother, giving him a death glare that makes even April get nervous. "Y'know, you talk so much about family and teamwork. But when it comes down to it, you only care about yourself, Raphael."

"That's not true-"

"Then you don't care about me. It's fine, though. You've always ignored me unless it benefitted you. So!" Donnie claps his hands together. "I think this meeting's over."

Why didn't you make him feel accepted? That's your one job as the oldest and you failed, Raph. 

Raph's slow to react to his brother's words. Because of this, Donnie takes advantage and walks backwards out the window. He had a jetpack on. One left behind by the Purple Dragons. He spares a last glance at April, who stands there without anything to say. Freeze response. One not common in Miss O'Neil. Good. Saves Donnie an awkward conversation.

And... he's gone. Again. This time with bitter words coming straight from him, no room for doubt. The cold night air breezes past Leo, causing goosebumps to erupt over his skin. He barely notices.

That's when it hits him. His brother is really, truly gone. He left and he won't come back unless he actually does something. But what can he do? Leo's nothing without all of his brothers. He needs Donnie. Donnie especially. The smart to his dumb. The obsessive to match his compulsive. The unconditional support to his dumb plans. They aren't opposites, but they are a pair. Or they're supposed to be. He really is the worst, isn't he?

"I'm going after him." Michelangelo says. He backs himself away from his brothers, standing where Don had been just moments ago. 

"What's the point? He's a bad guy now, Mike," Raph says. 

"Or is that just what you think? You never even gave him the chance to explain himself! If anything, you caused this by never listening. I at least tried." If there's one thing Mikey regrets the most, it's shouting at Donnie. He shouldn't have. He knows that now, he knew that in the moment. 

As the second youngest and the youngest, Mikey and Donnie always had a bond. They got away with more together, they listened to each other more, and they understood the struggles of being ignored. At least, Mikey thought he understood. But even he didn't listen enough. 

"I'd let him go. He's made it clear who he values," Raph says, more gently this time. Mikey can only imagine the hurt his older brother is going through, but he can't find the energy to muster any sympathy for him. Only empathy, but that's because he has a surplus of it.

"No! You guys might be ready to give up on our brother but I never will!" Mikey shouts. He can feel angry tears running down his face. Ugh, can't he do anything without crying?! "Maybe I put too much faith in this family."

"Hey, Michael, not you too," Leo says. He reaches out for his little brother, silently begging him to stay. He can't lose anyone else. But the smallest turtle backs away. His hardened gaze softens when he meets his brother's eyes.

"I'm not leaving," He assures them. "But I'm not letting us break apart."

And once he brings his brother home, Dr. Feelings is going to have a very long class discussion. On everything. He can make a real lesson plan later, one with lots of GIFs to maintain interest. Or maybe he shouldn't, since every time those moving images come up Donnie and Leo fight over how the word is pronounced.

But still, the small turtle grabs his weapon and jumps up on a rooftop. He's all on his own. For his very second solo mission. Which, he reminds himself, would've been his first had he not gotten Donnie's support. Now it's his time to support Donnie.

He supposes he should have a plan for what to do or how to track down Donnie, but Mikey has always been better at just winging it. Once he's in the zone, he won't stop rolling, so he usually just figures out how to get into 'the zone'. When he's in a fight, it's real easy. It's like when he's gaming, he goes into hyperfocus and his muscle memory takes over. That really helps him in Rainbow Road. But now isn't the time to focus on Mario Kart or gaming with his brother or how he really misses gaming with Donnie and the long afternoons into late nights into early mornings they'd spend together just playing video games. 

Damn, he misses his brother. It's like a sudden weight being thrown at him, the feeling of loss. It wasn't something he was used to. To be fair, he had never been forced to lose something or feel alone. He's the youngest brother, the one everyone looked out for. And while Mikey knew and appreciated it, he couldn't help but wish that the care he'd been given was more even across the family. He would've gladly taken a lonely night to ensure a different brother didn't have one, but he isn't given that choice. 

He can't help but wonder how many times he's been picked over Donnie, how many times Donnie's been left in the dust. This was exactly the type of thing he made Dr. Feelings up to fix. Mikey knows he isn't the smartest brother, but when it comes to emotional intelligence he's got a knack for it. Hopefully it'll be enough to help bring his brother closer to home. If not home in the literal sense, then at least still talking with his family. Or just Mikey. That's all the youngest brother needs for it to be home. Everyone connected.

"Wait up!" A voice calls from below. 

Mikey pauses. He looks down from the clothesline he's currently hanging on. 

"I'm coming with. Donnie's my best friend too," April says. "But uh- I'd appreciate if we could walk together? I'm not a ninja. Or in possession of a death wish."

"I don't have a death wish!" Mikey argues. It would have been a convincing one if the clothesline didn't just snap under his weight, sending the box turtle plummeting to the ground. It's only five feet though, so he's completely fine. "Cowabunga..."

"Mhm. C'mon, let's move fast. Shelldon won't be able to pin his location forever," April says. She holds up her phone, a bright purple dot moving across a map. 

"Sweet! Think you can run as fast as me?" Mikey asks. He doesn't need an answer. Of course she can, she's April O'Neil. Best friend extraordinaire. The two of them together will do anything to help the lost turtle find his way home.

Chapter Text

They were just messing around, boys being boys. They were maybe seven years old, just old enough to become obsessed with skateboarding and actually be able to try it themselves. Leo especially had taken to the sport, working constantly on learning new moves. It left a rainbow of band-aids stuck all around him, the lack of safety gear available to him being very obvious. That never deterred him from skating, unlike Donnie. He loved the sport about as much as Leo did, but partook far less. 

The two turtles were sitting in the skate ramp area of their home, Leo on his battered board gliding around as though friction didn't exist. Donnie sat at the top of one of the ramps, lying upside-down on his board as he read a comic. He was balancing precariously, the possibility of falling down and getting laughed at very high. But if there's one physical skill he excels at, it's balance.

"Hey Tello! Watch me do a laser flip, it's gonna be awesome!!" Leo waves to get his brother's attention, ready to show off his rad skills. Who better to show them to then the other person just as obsessed as him? Sure, all the brothers loved to skate, but they weren't the ones who had begged to build skate ramps into their home. He and Donnie were. But his twin just frowns.

"You can't do that. Not at your skill level anyway. You're just gonna fall and wreck your board and cry for me to fix it again," Donnie says. He sips on his juice box loudly, sitting up right.

The techie turtle had been the one to learn how to build a skateboard after his brother's constant requests. And their dad's, too. Apparently he didn't like the hassle of bringing all four boys out to pick out their own boards and keep them in budget. Lucky for the family, Donnie sourced most of his parts from junkyards. Unfortunately, that also meant someone shoddy boards, especially in terms of safety. Not that Donnie would ever admit that his work was anything less than great.

"Um, I totally can! And I never cry, I'm tough as nails!" Leo says, putting on a tough-guy face that he'd seen in a movie. His brother raises an eyebrow. What a liar.

"You cried last week when Raph said you couldn't pet a puppy in the middle of traffic," He says, deadpan. To be clear, the boys were in the middle of crossing the street when Leo spotted a puppy. They also weren't even supposed to be crossing the sidewalk yet, but Raph couldn't even read symbols yet. He was almost hit by a car, which was odd because it was usually Mikey invoking the anger of New Yorkers.

"So what?! You're still wrong, I can totally do this!"

"You'll fail."

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too, you dumb-dumb!"

"Ugh, you are so mean Donnie! Just go away, I'll show Mikey the trick instead."

"Fine! I'm not giving you my Jupiter Jim band-aids when you fall."

Leo sticks out his tongue at his brother's back as the purple turtle storms out. Ridiculous. He's super good at skateboarding, he only wanted to show his brother that. To impress him, since Donnie was always the hardest to. Whatever. He doesn't need his weirdo twin brother's approval for anything. He's gonna do a laser flip and it's going to be awesome. He's awesome and the best, Donnie's just jealous. That's what it is.

He waits until his brother is completely gone before going to get his younger brother. He hadn't even noticed he had been crying, but Mikey obviously did. The little turtle consoles his brother, watching happily as he tried the trick, failed, and tried some more. He was supportive with every attempt. But Mikey could tell something was bothering his brother, and he had a feeling it wasn't just the skateboard.

Being the youngest, Mikey didn't always get to know why his brothers were upset. He was always told not to worry about it, that they'll work things out. Like right now, with a fight between the twins clearly brewing. But he can fix this. Whenever there was conflict with his brothers, he knows that hugging it out will fix it. The hard part is getting them to do that. So after giving Leo some colorful band-aids, he goes to talk with the other problem twin.

"Donnie..." Mikey calls out into the lab. "I know you didn't mean to call Leon a dumb-dumb."

He wanders around the room, listening for his brother. Whenever Donnie is upset, he always goes to his lab. The youngest brother has to keep reminding himself not to touch anything. That would only make things worse. So do not touch the blinky, very tempting buttons. As he searches through the maze of different projects and bookshelves, he eventually finds him in the corner. He's behind two shelves, making a little space almost separated from the rest of the lab.

"Is he still mad?" The softshell boy asks. He stretches his legs out of the confined space, but doesn't quite leave. His brother sits down outside of it, moving a few books to the side to make a window to talk through.

"Yeah. Our big bros don't like being told they can't do something. Especially by you, since they know you're right," Mikey says.

"See! I'm right so he shouldn't be m- OW!" Donnie drops the screwdriver he was holding. A small scratch on his palm has formed, but there's no blood. Not yet at least. He's working on something in his lap, but Mikey can't tell what. "...Shouldn't be mad."

After quickly making sure his brother is okay, the box turtle continues to talk. He's in full 'Dr. Feelings' mode right now. If he were in his brother's room instead of his lab, he'd rifle through the closet until he found just the perfect costume. The brothers always loved putting on little fashion shows with each other, though they mainly just ended up being Leo and Donnie judging everyone's taste in clothing. Fun times.

"Just 'cause you think things doesn't mean you gotta say them."

"But I was right! Leo can't do a laser flip, it's basically impossible at his skill level. And he would wreck his board and probably get apple juice everywhere if he tried," Donnie whines. Why is he the one getting in trouble for only saying the truth? Last time he had attempted the trick, Leo spilled Donnie's juice boxes everywhere making the floor of the skate area sticky for a week! That meant a full week where he refused to touch the floor in there because it was way too icky.

"Leo doesn't care about the trick, D. He's mad because you were mean to him," Mikey explains gently. He knows his older brother doesn't really get people's feelings right away, but that's what he's here for! To help.

But Donnie doesn't respond after he says that. He stays in the corner, running his hands across his hoodie sleeves repeatedly. Mikey can hear the clinking and squeaking of something being built. But he isn't the smart one, so he certainly can't tell by sound. From what he saw when he peeked through the bookshelf, though, was something that resembled a thick sheet of plastic. Or some smooth material like it. It made him super curious and want to ask about it and touch it and play with it, but Donnie gets upset whenever he goes further than questions. He can be such a bore sometimes, always so protective of his stuff.

"You can practice apologizing with me," The youngest turtle offers. This way, he can correct what would be at least four failed apologies by his brother. Then he'll be able to say sorry for real to Leo and they'll all be happy.

"No way," Donnie insists. "I wasn't even trying to be rude!" 

"But Leo doesn't get that. And you did kinda crush his dreams of being a skate star by saying that stuff," Mikey says. His brother's always boasting about going to be the greatest skater the world's ever seen. He looks to his family for support on that hope, especially his judgemental twin. 

"Whatever. He'll get over it." The softshell knows his brother's extreme optimism. He'll be fine by tomorrow, no doubt about it.

"No no, wrong. Even if you don't think you're wrong, it's the objectific fact that you are," Mikey says, making it clear that's that. "Did I use the word right-?"

"Yes, you did. Even if you mispronounced it," Donnie says. His brother can hear the sound of wheels rolling from the other side of the shelf.

"So are you gonna do it?" He asks, peeking over to get a glimpse at what he's working on. Usually this opportunity doesn't come. Something about it being too dangerous for him to see stuff in case something goes wrong. It's always 'too dangerous'.

"No! Just- give Nardo this. He'll understand."

The softshell rolls out a skateboard over to his brother. It's blue, decked out in Jupiter Jim stickers across the bottom. It looks fancy is all Mikey can say about it. Donnie would probably have a full speech about all of its design capabilities and why it's so awesome. But even Mikey has a limit on how much listening he can do in one day. As fascinating as skateboarding is, his older brother's speeches sometimes get a little dry. It's mostly fun just seeing how happy he is when he talks.

The younger brother looks at the skateboard in awe. It's so rad. Sure, the paint job could be better, but Donnie isn't exactly an artist. "I'm gonna annoy you until you do it," He says. In his mind, this is the only way to fix things. That's the way he does, the way Raph does it, the way TV tells him to do it. So it has to be the only way.

"Screw off."

"Never."

Mikey sticks out his tongue, but takes the skateboard regardless. He'll make Donnie apologize later. Maybe it'll be better to do it with Leo present. He searches around the lair for his older brother, playing with the wheels of the newly build board as he does so. Eventually he reaches the kitchen, where Leo is rifling through the fridge.

Mikey clears his throat and his brother pokes his head out from behind the door, a juice box in mouth. Apple, so it's one of Donnie's. Leo would always be one for petty revenge, wouldn't he?

"Leo, Donnie wanted me to give this to you," The youngest brother says, setting the skateboard down and rolling it across the floor. It goes so smoothly, Mikey is almost jealous that it's for only Leo. 

"Ha! I knew he didn't mean what he said. My skating skills are epic, aren't they Mike?" Leo says, beaming as he holds up the board. He drops the juice box on the counter, opting instead for the gift.

"Yeah! But I can't get him to say sorry," Mikey admits. He looks down in shame. 

Leo looks at his little brother and pats him on the head.

"You don't need to. Donnie doesn't always speak the same way we do, y'know? This is his way. My way is usually apology pizza," He says. The red eared slider knows his twin better than anyone, despite Mikey being the more emotionally knowledgeable of the brothers. Plus, Donnie was completely right. But Leo would rather die than admit he can't do something cool. "Speaking of which, do you wanna go bother Raph until he lets us have pizza for dinner tonight?"

"Absolutely!! I didn't really wanna cook veggies anyway," Mikey laughs.

- - -

Donnie jumps out the window, jetpack powered up. If he weren't so angry, the theater kid in him would be proud of such a dramatic exit. But when does it stop? How far is he letting his anger carry him?

He flew far out, to a different side of the city. Just, anywhere away from everything. Everything is far too much right now and he cannot handle it. Though with the claws of fear, of guilt, of emptiness start to tear at his chest again, he wonders if running away is really his best solution. He didn't have to yell at his brothers, even if it felt good to for those few seconds. But the guilt from lashing out, for spreading his pain onto his family, it did not feel good.

He flies until his jetpack runs out of fuel. It makes a loud thunk as he drops it on the ground, discarded. He'll fix it later, just not now. The energy isn't there. He's at the docks of some area. There's lots of shipping containers about, stacked on top of each other neatly. He sits atop one of them, out of sight from anyone below. Not that anyone would notice him in this darkness. Donnie sits for a while, listening to the sound of seagulls and the smell of water. It's not that pleasant.

"Donnie?" A robotic voice comes from behind him.

The turtle in question angrily fidgets with his hands, not wanting to turn around. Because he can't decide if he's sad, angry, having a breakdown, or happy to see Shelldon again. These are not emotions he's comfortable with, ones that he's used to. That scares him even more.

"Hey, Shelldon," Donnie mumbles, turning his head to face the little robot. He disappeared when the group went to fight the Purple Dragons, so he's just glad to see that he's safe. Again, there's no telling what that tech group would do if they got their hands on him. 

"Don! What's been going on? You don't look so rad, dude," The robot says, hovering by his face. The gentle whirring calms Donnie down. The sound is familiar, gentle. He untenses the muscles he didn't even know were tensed up.

"Well, it hasn't exactly been a great day. I lost my skateboard, failed to stop a robbery, abandoned everyone I know and love, bruised my shins from falling off my board, I haven't slept in over twenty-five hours, and someone led my family right to me."

The two stare at each other for a very long second. The background noise of the docks fill the space between them.  

"Okay, all of that sucks, but that last part isn't my fault. Still, I'm sorry," Shelldon says, nuzzling Donnie in an attempt to make him less upset. It usually worked when he was stressed out, but that was when he was working in his lab. This scenario is a little different.

"You sold me out, Shelldon. You told them where I was!" Donnie says, not giving in despite patting the drone on the back. 

"Hey dude, in my defense, I wasn't told not to do that. That's a programming error on your part," The robot argues.

"You are an AI!! You can learn! And I thought I made it pretty clear I didn't want to see them. Have you not been getting my emails?"

"No? You stopped sending them out when you left." Shelldon looks up at the turtle, clear annoyance in his robotic features. Routines, schedules, and business-esque communication with each other was something they both thrived on. The robot, despite not technically being alive and not technically feeling emotions, felt lost without it. Hence why he shut himself down for such a long time.

"Ugh, they're through my phone, that's why. Nevermind. Look, I'm glad you're here. I've missed you, bud," Donnie says, smiling for the first time in ages.

"Then why didn't you take me with you?" 

The turtle freezes. 

"Because- well I- you see-" He stutters. There isn't a good explanation as to why. But then again, there really isn't a good reason for why he left at all. Sure, he was sick of his brothers. He thought they didn't need him, that they didn't love him. Do they? He could've talked. He tried to. He should have tried harder. Why didn't they try harder?

"Hey dude, don't go spiraling on me. I'm not mad about it, just wanna know why."

"At first I was afraid. That anyone from home would hate me. Then the Purple Dragons took me in and I know that if they get their hands on you, they'll hack you or take you apart or mess with you in some way. I didn't want that to happen. I want you to be safe."

"The Purple Dragons? The guys who stole all your tech?" Shelldon asks. He knows it won't help to dwell on the emotional parts of what Donnie said. It'll only make him confused and the turtle feel worse.

"Yeah. They're not that bad. I mean, they're still taking my stuff. But at least now I know about it?" Donnie shrugs. They're nicer to him, he supposes. He has a place to stay, resources to build that aren't junkyard-sourced. It's an improvement, right?

"Whatever you say, D-Man. But I take it you want me to stay hidden from them?" Shelldon asks.

Donnie nods emphatically. Shelldon will always be his favorite creation, his most prized robot. Even if he tried to kill him once, what good creation hasn't? It wasn't even really his fault. He pats the drone on the head one last time before turning around. He needs to get back to the Dragons. If he's gone any longer, Kendra will probably assume he's left them and not let him come home. He won't even get to explain things to Jase and Jeremy.

"I'll send you my location when I'm away from them. Until then, I guess you're free to do whatever. Just stay safe, okay? Look both ways before crossing the street, don't accept software from strangers, and use the robo-buddy system when you go out."

"Yeah yeah, I know. You too, Don-Tron," Shelldon says to him. He watches, hovering above the ground as the turtle slips into the shadows and runs off. He left his jetpack behind, so Shelldon supposes it's free for the taking. He'll add it to the collection of inventions gathering dust in Donnie's lab. Nobody dares go in there, not after he's gone.

- - - 

"What the hell was that, Donnie?" Kendra shouts.

"It's not what you think, I swear!" 

"Oh? Then tell me, what do I think?"

"I- you're mad."

"Yeah, no shit."

Going back so soon might have been a mistake. Donnie knows that the leader of the Purple Dragons has a bit of a temper, but he didn't expect it to be this bad. She's been shouting for seven solid minutes already, and when she quiets down she's even scarier. Mostly it's all boiled down to the fact that he was with his brothers. Apparently a huge no-no for her. Nevermind the fact she was in the process of a robbery and the turtle's whole shtick was fighting crime. Though she was very mad about that too.

"Well forgive me for trying to stop you from committing a high-scale theft. Next time I'll just not investigate a crime scene when with my crime-fighting family," Donnie says. "And I'll have you know that thanks to your yelling, the guys almost didn't get away. You're lucky dear Raphael got unreasonably angry at me instead."

"Pfft, I don't care about them. I care that you screwed up and cost us thousands of dollars, if not more!" Kendra punches the wall of the garage angrily. "And then you have the nerve to not come back for hours!"

"Ken, I think that one's on you. You just screamed at him and ditched us, what was he supposed to do?" Jase interjects. A death glare from his step-sister shuts him up real quick. He curls back up into the corner of the garage silently.

"I gave you everything! A home, unlimited access to technology, an 'in' to our club, and an easy out to all of your problems! What did it cost you?"

What didn't it cost him? His morals, his sense of joy, his brothers, his energy. It cost him everyone he loves, just because he'd rather run from his problems than fix them. Sure, his brothers made that choice easy in the moment, but they for the most part made it clear that they regretted it.

"Nothing."

Her screaming fit ceases, though for how long was anyone's guess. She leaves the guys in a bit of shock, but more relief that the shouting is over. If he wasn't so worn out from the constant heartfelt words that he's shared that night, Donnie would probably be more visibly upset. But all he can feel is detached. He's just so exhausted, so drained. His body is just running through the motions, little input from his brain.

"You're wrong. It cost me a lot. And I don't like how you keep acting like you're doing me a massive favor by letting me stay here! I can sleep in the sewers just fine, and I think if you keep shouting at me like this I can just take my tech and leave!" Donnie says, his volume rising with his anger once more. The firey, ravenous emotion had mostly faded away at the docks, but it would never be completely gone.

But he'd be running away. Again. This time would be different, wouldn't it? Because the Purple Dragons need him. They need his tech and his brains, so they won't just let him go. He's useful, and you don't just get rid of things that are useful.

"You misunderstand, Donatello. We have no obligation to keep you with us," Kendra says, voice flippant.

"I don't- what do you mean, no obligation?" 

"Come on. Surely you realized it earlier? We want your tech. You're a genius that could make us unstoppable!" Jeremy says. 

"Oh quit flattering him. He's free labor. But now, now you're a liability. We kept you secret, we kept you safe and hidden from your brothers. And now they're going to be all over us, looking for you and stopping our plans. We cannot have that."

Kendra looks at him, her expression cold and calculating. This doesn't feel like the same girl who was screaming her head off two minutes ago. But just like Raph, Donnie supposes she comes to her senses quickly. She lets all her rage out so she can deal with things without a clouded head. Raph simply doesn't let his anger out.

"So we're giving you a choice here. Stay and we can pretend none of this ever happened, but you will not contact those mutants again."

"But they're my brothers! I never wanted-"

"Ah ah ah!" Kendra holds her hand up, shushing him. "Or you leave us and attempt to go back. Though after last time, I don't even think the snapping turtle wants to see you again."

She's right. She's completely right and it crushes him to know it. His family will never want him back, not after this. Why would they? They could barely tolerate him before, and that was when he was actually useful. Now he's nothing but a detriment to everyone around him. The exact opposite of everything he strove to be. Useless.

Donnie can feel someone place their hand on his shoulder, giving him a squeeze of reassurance. He hates the touch. It's right where his battle shell usually touches him, but that familiar weight of comfort was long gone. Left behind, so nobody could destroy it. Maybe so he could prove himself strong, not needing his brothers or the tech he made so they'd stop worrying. Ignoring the fact that he used to wear those shells all the time, bringing a sense of security he now lacked.

"Don't be sad, Don. They don't need you, but we do," Jeremy says.

The softshell can feel his hands shaking. The room feels unbearably hot, like it's choking him. He knows that it isn't, that the temperature has not changed. But that doesn't stop the fear of choosing and choosing wrong again from closing in around him. He needs to get out, to get a break from the world.

"I'm- give me some time," He tells the Dragons.

Without allowing them another chance to control his actions, he leaves. There's just about one place he knows he can go without them following, and that's somewhere mystic. Run of the Mill was somewhere he dared not go until now, only because he knows that now is not the time his brothers would be out. If any of them would be, it would've been Leo. But Donnie knows he can easily face or evade his twin. Preferably evade.

Chapter Text

"Mikey, we have to get you home eventually. It's like, three in the morning. Being up this late and running around can't be good for you." April doesn't want to say it, but she thinks that if her best friend doesn't want to be found, there's nothing they can do. Plus, it hurts her to see Mikey like this. He's worn, bags formed under his eyes from the lack of sleep he's probably getting. None of the turtles have ever been good with healthy sleeping habits, but Mikey was usually the better of them.

"Fine. I'll call Raph, tell him we're heading home. You wanna stay the night?" He asks. April may be his friend, but Donnie is her best friend. He can't begin to imagine what she's feeling, especially considering how little she can do about anything. At least Mikey didn't have to go to school and pretend everything's normal. He's free to make himself sick with worry all day long.

But the girl shakes her head. "Can't," She says. "My parents are gonna start to get worried themselves with how often I've been out. Plus, I don't think they'd want me calling them at this time anyway."

Mikey nods as he opens his phone. But as he does so, he gets an incoming call. The familiar face of a skeleton yokai fills his screen.

"Shell-o?" He asks, sounding surprisingly awake.

"Yes yes hello. Pepino asked me to keep an eye out for your purple brother. He's at my restaurant now, just about to leave. Oh, and tell Pepino that if he wants me to report on his family he could at least pick up his phone when I try to," Señor Hueso says, keeping his words short and sweet before immediately hanging up. Mikey didn't even get the chance to reply. He wonders if the skeleton even likes his family, or if he does this kind of stuff because they're his most frequent customers.

But then his message registers in Mikey's sleep-deprived head. Donnie. At Run of the Mill. Leaving.

"Tell Raph I'll be home soon!" He tells April, sprinting off before she can stop him.

"Mikey! Wait up!" She shouts, trying to run after the box turtle. But he's annoyingly fast and she's out of breath almost immediately.

"Sorry April! I'll bring him home, I swear! You guys can talk then!" He shouts behind him.

April stares as her friend runs off, leaving her in the dust. She sighs, annoyed that she missed yet another chance to talk or at least see Donnie! He's her goddamn best friend and now he's just gone! Why hasn't he at least reached out to her, a non-brother? What did she do to deserve his stupid ghosting treatment? He definitely isn't okay, but in the past she was always the person he came to when he wasn't.

It was April's shoulder he cried on when he was worried his dad didn't love him. It was April's school that he came to when his brothers mocked him for being a nerd. It was April who hugged him until he fell asleep when he used their movie nights as an excuse to fix every appliance in her home. Likewise, Donnie was always there for her when she needed him. When nobody showed up to her birthday, he made her gifts. When her science fair projects failed, he was there to help her clean up and try again. When her classmates bullied her, he was there with candy and tissues. 

Now she's left alone on the sidewalk of the city, and he isn't there. He's alone out there, and she isn't there. Why? Why is has he been so stupid? Has she been the stupid one, doing something to push her best friend away? Donnie always said he preferred being alone when he's upset, but at this point he had taken the self-isolation to a whole new level. She should've been freaking out when he stopped texting. When he never showed up to her home as a place of refuge. When his brothers took her on a mission without him.

A tear slips down her face, disappearing into her cheek. April O'Neil doesn't cry, even when she's breaking down. April O'Neil is going to go home, do her homework, and find her best friend tomorrow. When she does, she's going to give him an earful and hug him for the rest of time to make sure he never runs away again.

- - -

April is right, he needs sleep. Mikey can feel the firm grip of exhaustion claw at his eyes, dragging his body down. But he can't give in quite yet, not when he's so close. He can sleep tomorrow, when his brother is home safe with him. All of the brothers can do a big turtle pile like they used to when they were younger. 

He makes it to Run of the Mill in record time. That might have had something to do with the glowing orange aura that appeared briefly around him, but Mikey's pretty sure he hallucinated that. He's tired, after all. Only his weapons are mystic, not him. But it's there, in the alleyway entrance of the restaurant, that he sees his brother. Donnie sees him too and only hesitates for a split second before breaking into a sprint. Mikey has barely enough time to catch his breath before running after him. He seems to be doing that a lot tonight, but he's never been this close. It doesn't matter how exhausted his body is, he's desperate.

"Donnie, please wait. It's me, Mikey. I don't want to fight or drag you back home or question you. I just wanna talk. Heart-to-heart. Dr. Feelings is here for you," Mikey says. 

"What is there to talk about? I'm a criminal. Go back to Raph and you can also pretend we aren't related," His brother replies.

They keep running side by side, one trying to lose the other. Mikey toys with the idea of just tackling Donnie to the ground in a hug, but with the state that he's in it probably will end badly for the both of them. Actually, he doesn't know the state that his brother is in right now. What with Raph's blow-up and the scuffle with that one tech club, he can't imagine he's okay. That much is obvious.  

"What are you talking about? Please, I just wanna talk," the box turtle pants. He's struggling to breathe at this point. How long had they been running? Why was Donnie so fast? Why was the ground suddenly getting closer and closer and-

Oh.

Hands catch him before he makes contact with the cement below. He can feel them pulling him up, carrying him somewhere. Mikey's used to being carried, he enjoys the feeling of weightlessness as somebody else takes him somewhere.

"Mikey, don't do this to yourself. Just let me go," Donnie says. He sets his brother down, allowing him to get a good look at where they are.

The rooftop with the watertower. A common training place. It's familiar and comforting. The first place they had been allowed to go when the brothers went topside. Where Mikey painted his first sunrise. But he can't focus on any of that when his brother is right there in front of him, blurry and trying to force something into his hands.

"Mmph," Mikey mumbles. "No. Not when you're freakin' me out like this." He drops whatever he was holding. It felt cylindrical. A little like plastic.

"Oh for fucks-" His brother grumbles, grabbing the object. He forces it back into Mikey's hands. "Soda. Drink. Then we can talk."

He hears the slight hiss of carbonation as he opens the bottle. Mikey brings the drink up to his mouth, taking a few careful gulps. The sugar and caffeine helps to bring him back to his senses. He drains about half the bottle before stopping, setting it down to be forgotten. It was flat already anyway, and he doesn't have time to focus on it.

"Donnie," Mikey starts.

"What do you want from me, Michael?!" Donnie asks, his volume rising the second he sees his brother is alright. "I left, and like Raph said, I'm a criminal now! So why are you here? Huh? Why do you insist on dragging me back and pretending that you care?!"

The younger brother stays quiet, sensing that he's going to continue.

"Is it because you don't think I can handle myself? Poor, weak Donatello with his stupid softshell and his stupid sensitivities?! We can't let him go anywhere because he might just never come back? So we'll go and replace him and leave him behind with just his tech because he'd like that better and we won't even ask if that's okay?!? Because we'd all rather die than spend time with him?"

Michelangelo feels his heart just break with each word he says. Because, ultimately, his brother is right. His thinking is wrong, but it's not completely irrational. And Mikey took part in making the divide between them. He was there when Leo said they'd take April instead of Donnie on missions. He was there when Donnie cried because their dad lied about wanting to spend time with them. He was there when they fought at Run of the Mill, where Donnie was sidelined and injured. But he wasn't properly there for him when Donnie vented about it, feeling left behind. 

"All that stuff, it was always just a joke! You could never be replaced, we could never replace you!" Mikey assures him. 

"I know! It- it was fine when it was a joke. I left because it stopped being one." Donnie looks away from his brother, drawing his knees to his chest. Out of respect, Mikey pretends not to notice the tears welling up in his eyes. "I heard what you guys said that night. I know you were going to get rid of me. You've always been trying to get rid of me. Why is it a problem now, when I've gotten rid of myself?"

“Donnie… you’ve never been a problem. Or a burden. Or whatever.”

”See, see you say that,” Donnie says, almost laughing. From anger or sadness is hard to tell. “But I don’t think you believe it either.”

Does he? Sure, Mikey was always extra careful around his brother when they sparred. But that was because he knew how easy he bruised, how many injuries he got from little things. Sure, he got annoyed when he messed something up on a mission. But they all messed up some days! He was only joking when he said he was all set to kick him out. Donnie was just a little egotistical sometimes, but he knew they were always joking. 

Except right here in front of him was proof. Proof that he was wrong, that his older brother took those things to heart. It could be because he always struggled to differentiate jokes from being serious, but Mikey always just assumed... well, he assumed that he could the same way everyone else could. Give or take a few sarcastic comments from Leo.

"You might be right, but not to the extent you think you are." Mikey takes in a deep breath, letting his feelings-expert persona take him over. It always helped him think more clearly and make his brothers actually listen to what he has to say. "I shouldn't have just sat there and let Leo replace you. Or let Raph yell at you. Or let Dad lie to you. Or underestimate and undermine you myself. I'm sorry. But I did and don't intend to in the future. I wanna be better, because I care about you. You're my brother, nothing anyone does or says can change that. I shouldn't have let anyone try to change that."

They sit together, soaking up the closest thing to silence a never-sleeping city can have. Mikey fidgets around nervously, running his fingers across the spikes of his weapon. It seems like an eternity passes before his brother speaks. It might have only been a few seconds, but who knows? He's never been great with time.

"I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. You've pushed yourself beyond your limit- gods know you probably haven't been taking care of yourself with me gone. And then I have to go and scream at you for it."

"It's okay. I don't blame you in the slightest. We were supposed to be taking care of each other, and I slacked off first," Mikey says. "Speaking of which, you're bleeding. And have several burns. I know Leo took over as medic, but you think I can take a look at them?"

His brother nods silently, watching as he pulls out a small box of gauze and band-aids from inside his shell. Donnie stretches out his arms and legs, letting his little brother take a look at how battered his body had become. All lab accidents, since the machinery he had been making has rapidly become more dangerous and experimental by the day. Not that the Dragons had ever really noticed the physical toll it had taken.

"Can you tell me why I did that? Why I shouted, said all those things?" Donnie asks. Mikey wipes away some blood from a cut on his shoulder, causing them both to wince. There had been a reason their father had put a stop to Mikey being the medic early on. He found other ways to help, ones less worrying and graphic.

"Well, I'm no licensed therapist," Mikey says. "But I'd say for the same reason Raph goes all savage when he's on his own. Or when Leo blows up his ego when he feels ignored. You're scared of not being needed. I think we all are. So you try to make yourself either someone to be dependent on, or someone who can be completely independent."

"When did you learn to use such big words?"

"Since a certain brother left me to pick up the teaching slack. Who knew Raph can't read past a fifth grade level?" Mikey sticks on two neon orange band-aids to cover a particularly nasty burn. He repeats over and over again, erasing any trace of red from his brother's skin. He's left a mix of green, purple, and orange. Though orange is a mix of red and yellow, the technicalities don't matter. 

"Me. I've been telling you guys for weeks to show up to my seminars. You never do," Donnie says.

"I'm sorry."

Mikey leans on his brother's shoulder, quickly done patching him up, and Donnie puts his arm around the box turtle.

"Me too. You still have a lot more to apologize for though," He elbows his brother lightly.

"Yeah yeah, I know. But it's getting... well, not late. Early?" Mikey says, pointing to the horizon where the sun has begun to crawl up. "Pizza supreme in the sky, I don't think my sleep schedule will recover from this."

"Yeah, you're the only one who doesn't pull frequent all-nighters in this family. Not even for movie night. I'm disappointed, Angelo," Donnie jokes. It's his brother's turn to shove him playfully now.

"Excuse me for being healthy!"

"You're excused."

"So... do you want to go home?" Mikey asks. They had their serious talk, however short it may have been. Now they're on the path to patching things up between the whole family. On the road to recovery.

Donnie considers it, but only for a moment.

"I'm not ready," He says, not meeting his brother's gaze as he says so. Would Mikey be hurt, ashamed of him for saying that? He's getting everything just handed to him and he still can't take it. 'Course, going home would mean facing whatever Raph and Leo have to say about the whole situation. That might just be what scares him the most.

"That's alright. Whenever you are, you know where to find us."

"Just promise me one thing," Donnie says.

"Anything, dude."

"Take care of yourself. And- and make sure everyone else is."

"Of course. We haven't razzed our tazzes since you left, but I'll make sure they're still razzable," Mikey promises. He grins at the slightly confused but mostly relieved smile he gets from his brother. He has absolutely no idea what razzmatazz is and he has no intention of telling him. 

So Donnie watches as his little brother jumps away, quickly slipping into the shadows of the city. As he does so, the band-aid he put on starts to peel off. Guess he shouldn't be the team's first-aid guy.

Chapter Text

"Come on, please Pops! It's only open for a few hours!" Raph begs his dad. 

There's a wrestling convention in town today that the snapping turtle has just been dying to go to. He researched everything online. The time, the location, the people there, the events happening. This was his one chance to actually meet his idols and fellow fans! But for some reason, Splinter was hesitant about letting the thirteen year old boy out on his own. But eventually, he concedes. On the condition that Raph bring his younger brother, Donnie.

"Stay safe, boys!" The rat mutant calls as his sons leave, the older practically dragging the younger out with how fast he was going. "Donnie, keep your brother out of trouble!"

"Aye aye, Papa!" Donnie shouts back as he leaves.

The two brothers race through the city, unbothered by the fact it's broad daylight. With the large hoodie Donnie wears and the wrestling costume Raph has on, they'd only get mistaken for dressed up fans of some sort. Which is fully their intention, though they mostly pose as Jupiter Jim turtle aliens these days. They make it to the wrestling convention in a rather short amount of time. Raph can't stop moving around, a permanent smile on his face as they arrive. His brother mostly stays behind him, not very hyped but happy to see his brother so.

But letting his little brother come with him might have been a bad idea. Raph sees that now, with the chaos of the convention. Dozens of rings were set up, all with pros and fans alike going wild in them. For Raph, it's like a dream. For Donnie, it's imminent danger. With the flying chairs, water bottles, people, and who knows what else, something could end up hitting his little brother. It would be a little less of a problem if the snapping turtle, in his excitement, had paused for a few seconds to let his brother grab his battle shell. But he didn't.

"Would you stop grabbing me?!" Donnie finally exclaims. He tugs his way out of his older brother's grip after the sixth time someone had gotten more than three feet away from Donnie. Raph mentally kicks himself, remembering how he doesn't like to be touched. But what if someone or something is thrown into him? What if he gets hurt? What if he wanders off and accidentally insults someone? Or gets into a fight? He thinks all this stuff is staged, so all it takes is one angry fan before Donnie gets a black eye.

"Ah! Sorry, sorry," Raph says, yanking his brother out of the way of two young boys spriting past them. Donnie pushes his arm away.

"I am perfectly capable of moving on my own," He says. Raph looks over at him, noticing how his brother doesn't even look happy to be here. He shouldn't have dragged him along to this.

"Dude, pro wrestling is my thing. I don't want you gettin' hurt because of me, okay?" He says. Maybe if he finds a way to send him off, they can both enjoy their days.

"But Splinter specifically said you weren't allowed to go alone! That's why I'm here!" Donnie protests. "That and because Leo's sick and Mikey's got a movie night. But still!"

"I'm fine on my own, Don. Look at me, I'm a snapping turtle! No one's gonna hurt me!"

"You're not invincible, dumb-dumb."

"You're still more vulnerable than me. Go hang out at the junkyard or something, then we can meet up in a few hours. I can do my thing and you can do yours!" Raph decides. It's obvious Donnie barely wants to be here, he's just putting up a fight for show. That way Splinter can't blame him if Raph does end up getting injured, which is likely. But he likes getting into these kinds of fights! He doesn't have to worry about hurting someone if he's fighting someone his own size! He loves his brothers, but Raph can't deny the fact that he's almost twice the size of them. Early growth spurts will do that.

So with a pat on the head and some annoyed grumbling, Donnie leaves. The junkyard is only a two minute walk away, so it's not like he's going very far. Now Raph can do what he came here to do: Fanboy over his favorite wrestlers and maybe challenge some people to a match. It's for the best that his younger brother isn't here, he's got that soft shell and isn't very strong. That mixed with his overeagerness to do what Pops told him to won't end well for him.

The next few hours go wonderfully for Raph. He meets so many of his favorite wrestlers and even gets to watch some new up-and-coming ones compete. He's proud to say he's the first in line to support a new coming champion, Ghostbear. But as he's a big, kind of scary looking kid in a room full of people excited to fight, he's feeling a bit like a bull in a china shop. Everything starts to break when Raph accidentally runs into someone, face planting right into their back as he was trying to chase down someone else for an autograph. 

"Oi, you looking for a fight big guy?" They ask, turning around. The wrestler wears a sparkling black suit with hints of red on the sides. It looks like something Mikey would design, with the amount of glitter on it.

"Oh no- I just-" Raph tries to say. He backs away from the person, clearly bigger than him.

"Too late!" The person drags him to a ring and someone starts a countoff. It's all in good fun, but thirteen year old Raph doesn't quite process that. For him, pro wrestling is all serious.

Which is how he ended up getting beat up by a random person. If he had challenged a pro, Raph wouldn't have gotten beat so bad because they would know not to hurt a fan. But fans fighting fans? That was different. And Raph's size couldn't make up for his lack of skill here. But as his vision starts to blur as he slumps down in the corner of the ring, someone stands in front of him. Someone in a neon purple outfit, with a fancy hat to match.

Raph rubs his eyes. Who'd be stepping in for him? This is his fight, isn't it? That's when it hits him. The only people who'd gladly take a wrestler's punch for him would be his brothers. One brother right now, specifically. Donnie. He watches as his little brother knocks out his opponent, letting him fall onto the sweaty mat beneath them. 

"You came back?" Raph asks. He's sitting on the floor by now, wiped out and in a bit of pain.

"'Course. I've got your shell any day of the week, dear brother." 

Donnie helps the larger turtle up, making sure he doesn't stumble. "Thanks bro. Sorry for pushing you out earlier," Raph says. 

"Figured you'd come around after getting your butt kicked. I'm always right, you know," Donnie says.

"I hate it when you are," Raph teases. His brother gives him a light punch on the shoulder in response.

"Next time, though, trust me when I say I'm fine. Now do you wanna go home or get someone else to sign your forehead?" The softshell asks. He notes the copious amounts of signatures across his brother's body.

Raph mulls it over for a second.

"I really want to get Ghostbear to sign my face."

"Then let's go, no time to waste!"

- - - -

The twins were eleven. The brothers were visiting a local pizzeria arcade. They blended right in with all the other children running around, being set apart by only their green skin. And Raph's shell, which he struggled to hide like the others did. But even there, they just seemed like kids who spent a little too long in the ball pit. No parents bat an eye at the boisterous boys. They weren't their kids, so they weren't their problem.

However, they were starting to become a problem. Leo and Donnie in typical twin fashion were currently fighting. It started small, Leo wanted Donnie to cheat the games to get more tickets. Donnie said it was against the rules. Leo got annoyed. Donnie decided to be petty and brag about how many more tickets he got on a trivia game than Leo. Leo got even more annoyed and challenged Donnie to a skee-ball competition. Donnie lost and called Leo an idiot. It snowballed further from there.

This had all gone on while Mikey was elsewhere in the arcade area, likely playing with the other kids his age. He was coached to say he was in cosplay if they ever asked about his appearance, so he was trusted on his own. Raph was over in the dining area, awaiting the pizza his brothers had ordered. That left the twins alone with each other, which can really only end in two ways. This was one of them. It's debatable whether it was better or worse than the alternative.

"I hope you get lost!" Leo shouts.

"Maybe I will!" Donnie shouts back.

"See if I care!" 

"Fine!"

"Fine!" 

The boys give each other one final glare before Donnie storms off. Not a minute later though, Raph comes back with hands full of food. He looks around, noticing the lack of middle child in the premises. It doesn't take long for him to figure out what happens. His eyebrows scrunch together in worry, giving him what Leo dubs as a Raph Chasm.

"I can't leave you two alone for five minutes," He grumbles.

"Hey! This one is on you. You can't leave any of us unsupervised!" Leo argues with a small laugh. He's well aware of the rambunctious nature of his family. Raph doesn't find it as amusing, however. He sets down the food and turns to the door.

"At least with Mikey I know he's run off into the arcade. But with you and Don, well, Donnie might as well be in New Jersey by now. How are we gonna find him Leo? Did ya think to maybe letting the guy who memorized all of NYC's street maps for fun run off would end in us not being able to find him for hours?" He says. His voice is level and calm, but his words are on the brink of rage. It's all worry-rage, and Leo knows it. It causes a sinking feeling in the sliders stomach.

"Well- I- I didn't think-" He stammers. This was just a sibling squabble, why was Raph getting them both so worked up?

"That's right! You didn't think! And now Raph's gonna have to explain to Dad why we're hours late getting home and why at least one of us have been cryin'." He moves to leave, but Leo jumps in front of him. This is all his fault (And maybe Donnie's too). Raph doesn't deserve to have to go out and look for their brother instead of having fun at the arcade. It's not really fair, even if he is the leader of their team and the oldest brother. He leads him back to the table, motioning for Raph to sit.

"Fine, fine. I see your point. How 'bout I go track down Tello and you guys enjoy the pizza? I'll be back so quick that it won't even get cold," Leo says. He goes to reach for a slice on the table, but his older brother bats his hand away. No pizza for jerks, apparently.

The snapping turtle gives him a long stare, his worry chasm on his forehead growing by the second. "Call me if you can't find him after a half-hour. I'll tell Mikey you guys went to get drinks."

Leo nods and rushes off. He's finding his twin. It shouldn't be too hard. He has twin-stincts. (Despite the existence of such being disproven by Donnie several times, Leo is still a firm believer. Splinter calls it twin-flict.)

Said twin, meanwhile, had immediately found trouble once he'd wandered off. Or rather, trouble found him. He'd only wanted to go to the library a few blocks down, his happy place to calm himself with the joy of learning. But he'd gotten stopped on his way, when he'd tried to cross over an open basketball court. 

He's just walking, trying to make himself small. His hood is up and he's on his phone, though his eyes dart around the court constantly. A group of older teenagers are there, running across the court with multiple basketballs. They shoot. They pass. Balls bounce everywhere. Donnie keeps his head down, trying to cross quickly. If only this wasn't a shortcut he'd decided to take. He regrets it, even before a loose basketball hits him directly in the face.

The small turtle falls to the ground, his phone clattering to the concrete and sliding away. It's definitely broken. Does he have the parts to repair it at home? What about making a stronger screen protector? It'd take some work but probably benefit the whole family. Especially considering how careless Leo is and accident-prone Raph is. Donnie focuses on that sort of stuff to ignore the pain he feels on the side of his face. He sits on the concrete, holding his face in his sleeves. At least his hood is still up. Nobody can see him.

"Yo, you okay kid?" Someone asks. Donnie looks up at them. Teenage boy. Much older than him. Oily blonde hair, slicked back. He's sweaty. He looks gross. Why is he moving to touch Donnie? 

"You broke my phone." Is all the softshell manages to say. The teenagers start to crowd him. He feels trapped.

"Ugh, are you serious?" One of them says. 

"Kids these days, I tell you."

"Dude, is that all you have to say? Geez you're a brat."

Sweaty Blonde pulls Donnie up by the hood. That. That he did not like. While Donnie had gotten over his 'biting people when they scared him' phase, he did not outgrow his fight-or-flight response. Picking up the basketball that had hit him, Donnie launches it at someone in the group with all his strength. They stumble to the ground, distracting Sweaty Blonde enough for Donnie to kick him until he lets go. He drops to the ground with a thud, probably gaining his second major bruise of the day.

Now the thing Donnie hadn't quite realized yet, was that he was small. Despite being a mutant turtle, his eleven year old self stood at around 4 feet and 6 inches. Or roughly 137 centimeters. Or 1.5 yards. Or 1370 millimeters. Point being, he is much smaller than these teenagers. Who also happen to outnumber him greatly. But when it comes to picking a fight, Donnie doesn't always think things through.

One grabs him again, this time the person who he'd thrown the ball at. He pulls a classic high school bully pose of making a show about to punch him. The other guys egg him on. Some tell Donnie to fight back. Some tell him to get the shit beat out of him. But all the young boy can hear is his heart pounding in his ears. He hates being touched. He only wanted to get away from Leo. His mouth hurts. Did he lose a tooth? Is there blood? He hates blood. The smell, the look, the feel. If it's from his gums, the taste. All of it is horrible and now it's the only thing he can focus on. 

"HEY!" A voice shouts. Donnie would flinch at the loudness of it, but all he can feel right now is numb. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!"

"Oh, so scary. A scrawny child in facepaint. I'm shaking in fear, can you tell?" 

"Ooh, he looks so mad dude. He might beat you up!"

Laughter erupts around him, but Donnie can't bring himself to focus. Who's here? Why hasn't he gotten punched yet? He hopes the guy won't drop him on the cement again. He braces for impact, but everything is suddenly silent. He can hear talking, but the voices are muffled. 

"How embarrassing is it that you're beating up an eleven year old? And on his birthday too! Did you know basketball is his favorite sport? I bet he only wanted to play with you guys. I'd be embarrassed. Like, super embarrassed."

Is that... Leo? What's that blue clothed dumb-dumb doing here? Isn't he mad at Donnie? Why is he here?

"Yeah, I know that kid. He gets bullied at school, that's why he threw that basketball at you. What's the matter, his throw too strong? It actually hurt you? What are you, a college student? Laaaaame."

Leo is absolutely lying his ass off. He's quite good at it too. With each word he says, he can see the teens slowly backing off. None of them like being trash talked by a little kid, especially one that is completely correct and charismatic like Leo. But really, he's talking a mile a minute like it's a hostage exchange. Slowly, the guy holding his brother sets him down. Donnie's eyes are closed and his hands are covering his ears. His unofficial twin has seen that state before and knows how bad it must be for him right now.

So he keeps on talking. The one thing he's good at. His words can sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing, but right now he is praising Pizza Supreme in the Sky that these people are actually listening to him, actually backing down. Because he's pretty sure not even Raph could take them all in a fight. Leo's general rule is, if his big brother can't beat 'em, only Lou Jitsu himself can. And he doesn't know Lou Jitsu, so that's a no-go.

The second the guy has set down Donnie and the group is gone, Leo rushes to his brother. He flings his arms around him, hugging him tightly as he pretends no tears are wetting his face. 

"I leave you alone for five minutes," He chokes out. Laughter escapes them both as they cling to each other.

"Don't go getting teary-eyed on me now, Nardo. I'm fine," Donnie tells him.

"No, no you're not. That was some pretty messed up crap. And I totally messed up too. I'm sorry, Tello. I really am. I shouldn't have said any of that stupid shit to you."

"I'm telling Raph you swore," Donnie says with a grin. "But thanks. I shouldn't have said that stuff either. It's just stupid arcade games. Really really stupid games, making us fight like this."

"If I help you burn down the arcade will you promise not to tell Raph then?" Leo suggests. The twins share an evil grin. There are two states of being in the Hamato family: Convincing Leo not to commit a crime and convincing Donnie not to burn something down. Raph really shouldn't have left them alone together.

"Only if I get to challenge you to a skee-ball rematch first."

"You are so on."

"You bet."

They help each other up and run back to the restaurant, content with their plans. So long as Raph doesn't find out about their criminal tendencies, they can do whatever. You don't call them the Disaster Twins for nothing, after all.

- - - -

For once in his life, Donnie was actually sleeping. The thirteen year old softshell had been struggling with doing that for a while now, so any time he fell asleep in his bed was time to be savored. Because apparently falling asleep at his desk in his lab 'didn't count' as getting adequate sleep, according to Raph. So after Donnie had gotten his work done for the day, he did the rare thing of listening to his oldest brother's advice.

But not everyone in the lair was sleeping. Donnie was awoken in the late hours of the night to a knock at his door. He stirs a bit, not bothering to grab his glasses. He can see the dark green turtle bespeckled with orange through the dark well enough.

"Mph.. Mikey?" Donnie mumbles, his voice muffled by the pillow he had shoved his face into. "Whatchu' doing?"

"I had a nightmare. Can- can I sleep in your bed tonight?" His little brother asks. His voice is strained, like he had just been crying. Or screaming. Donnie soundproofed his room long ago, so he wouldn't know.

"I dunno if there's any room," He says as he sits himself up, blanket covering his shoulders.

"Oh." Donnie can feel the dejection in his brother's voice. But what's he supposed to do, make his bed bigger? It's set up to fit just him, for convenience sake. Also so nobody could steal his room. "I'll- I'll just go, then."

"M'kay. I'll fix up any nightlights if you need," Donnie offers as his brother leaves his doorway. He doesn't respond.

The following day, Mikey was quiet. Well, quiet for Mikey. He was still loud and energetic with his two oldest brothers, messing around and playing video games all day with them. He skateboarded with Leo and baked cookies with Raph, but left Donnie alone the whole day. When Donnie noticed his little brother avoiding even looking at him, he knew something was up. Still, the day was busy and he couldn't find time to even think about what to say.

It wasn't until night had fallen when he'd given himself proper time to plan out what he had to say. But by the time he felt himself ready, Donnie realized it was past midnight. No way his little brother was still up. He had the healthiest sleep schedule of all the brothers, give or take the few times he watches a horror movie.

But the sounds of TV coming from the living room alert him otherwise. It's faint, but impossible to ignore once Donnie hears it. The Food Network was what really told him it was Mikey awake. So slowly, he climbs out of bed and makes his way over there, finding his little brother sitting on their dad's recliner. 

"Another bad dream?" Donnie asks. 

Mikey jumps at the sound of his brother's voice, but turns to look at him.

"No. Just can't stop thinking about the first one," He says, giving Donnie a cold look before turning his attention back to the TV. He'd rather watch people make cannolis than talk to his older brother right now.

"What was your nightmare about?" Donnie asks regardless. He sits down on the arm of the chair, looking down at the box turtle.

"Oh, just a horrible brother who brushed me off when I came to him crying in the middle of the night. He didn't even bother getting up to see if I was okay." Mikey keeps his eyes on the screen.

Ah, so Dr. Delicate Touch is starting to creep out. Now that is someone who can cause nightmares if so desired.

"Scoff, like you're some sort of prophet. What was the real one? I know it had to be bad, because there's no way you'd come to me if it wasn't."

"Now he gets it," Mikey mutters under his breath. Unnaturally sassy, but he's running of such little sleep that Donnie doesn't hold it against him. "But... I was being burned. I wasn't really in any sort of place, maybe the lair? But I started glowing a bright, bright orange and I felt myself getting hotter. It spread all over my body and I crumbled to ash. Then I sorta reformed and went through it again. And again. And again. Until I woke up."

His spider shell arms pull his younger brother closer to him. Donnie pats his brother on the head, carefully untying his mask and using it to dry his tears. Mikey doesn't cry a lot in front of his brothers. He's the cheery, outgoing one. Sometimes it's a little surreal when he cries, but Donnie knows what to do all the same.

"And the worst part is, when I woke up, I was still burning. I felt like I had a fever, but I know I'm not sick. Your room is always the coldest and you always used to tell me about how dreams work with the brain 'n stuff. It made me feel better."

"I see. Next time I'll be nicer, I swear. But why didn't you just go to Raph or Leo? You know they'd let you stay with them even without a nightmare," Donnie says. The two would probably wake the whole family to make a turtle pile in the middle of the night if Mikey so wished.

"Because!" Mikey sniffles. "They already treat me like a baby. I'm only a year younger than you, and they'd either tease me or baby me if I came to them. You wouldn't."

"That's because we're the younger sibling team. I know you can handle yourself, Mike. But still, I should be there for you when you're scared. Now why don't we both get some sleep? Raph'll kill both of us he we're tired during training tomorrow, and I don't think you're cute enough for him to spare." Donnie gets up, pulling his little brother with him.

"Aw, are you sure? Y'know, Dr. Delicate Touch has no qualms playing the fake injured card if I'm tired," Mikey says. He glances back at the TV, which showcases a rather dramatic part of the cannoli making process.

"I'm sure, but you look like you haven't slept in a week. Go to bed," Donnie orders him. It's obvious his brother hasn't mastered the art of covering up eye bags. No TV is worth looking like that for.

"G'night, Don."

"Good night, Angelo."

The box turtle slept somewhat decently that night. Just enough to get him by the next day, though he still feared the nightmares coming back when he tried to sleep. It was a relief then, when the next night Mikey finds a box sitting in his hammock. When he opens it, he finds a pack on incense sticks, a new night light shaped like a gear, a mock-doctors note, and a book. He plugs in the light immediately before unpacking the rest of the things.

The incense sticks are rosemary-lemon.

The doctors note talks about how he should cut out caffeine after noon, practice meditation, rewrite the ways his nightmares end, and not hesitate to see the doctor if they happen again. The doctor of course being Donnie. Mikey smiles. On the back of the paper he sees an added note about how lavender works best for incense, but he knows Mikey hates the stuff. He hopes he enjoys the other scent instead. 

The book is all about the neuroscience of dreams. Mikey opens it up, but just as quickly closes it once he realizes he can only pronounce every third or fourth word in the book. As smart as he is, the term 'simplified' does not exist in his brother's vocabulary. But Mikey appreciates the effort all the same. He'll just have to force Donnie to read it to him. Or Raph, so he can see his big bro struggle even more. In a funny way.

Chapter Text

The turtles didn't talk when they returned home that night. Instead, they each collapsed into their beds, allowing the blissful nothingness of sleep to take them. After only a few hours, Leo's insomnia catches up with him. Despite being exhausted, he wakes up and looks around his room. Miraculously, he can't hear his father snoring through the vents. But Leo still can't sleep. He clings to his pillow, hoping that it would give him some semblance of comfort. It doesn't.

Trying not to wake himself up any further, Leo crawls out of bed, a blanket hanging over his shoulders. Slowly, he makes his way toward his twin brother's room. He doesn't want to process the events of the day. Donnie said that sleep was when people processed the most things. Maybe that's why Leo always took longer to, stay in a state of denial longer. His insomnia never lets him sleep. But he's still exhausted all the time. He falls onto his twin's bed, the blankets and pillows all messed up. The orange mask lying on the floor lets him know that Mikey was the cause.

Leo doesn't care, though. He just wants to feel closer to his twin. His angry, confusing, and probably scared twin. He should have gone with Mikey. The youngest brother had the right idea, going after their brother after his outburst. It's pretty clear that he's not okay, and what had Leo done? Absolutely nothing. Sure, it was a rule that they don't wander around late at night, so therefore he shouldn't have left Raph alone. But his older brother can handle himself. Especially when he's angry. Then it'd be stupid for anyone to try and mess with him.

It's the early hours of the morning when Mikey gets back home. Leo was a little worried, but he knew he was out with April. Where he should've been. Maybe that's what was keeping him up this night. He watches through the open wall that serves as a door to Donnie's room as Mikey walks around. He's a bit surprised when his little brother stops and walks into the room. 

"Boo," Leo says, deadpan.

Mikey jumps back, startled.

"Leo!" He whisper-shouts. "You're gonna give me a heart attack. What are you doing here?"

"What're you doing here?" Leo counters, a grin on his face despite how tired he feels. The exhaustion was starting to set into his bones.

"I- nothing. Goodnight," Mikey says, turning on his heel to leave.

Leo reaches out for him, though it's useless. He's on an elevated bed, after all. "Mike, wait. Do you wanna stay with me tonight?"

The box turtle stops, nodding briefly before climbing onto the bed. He doesn't need to be asked twice. He retracts into his shell and his older brother pats him gently.

"You didn't find him, did you?" Leo asks quietly. He can feel Mikey start to shake a little inside his shell.

The teen just sighs. "I don't want to talk about it right now. Can we just sleep?"

"I'll try my best, hermano." The slider pats him on the shell and throws a blanket over him. He misses the random sounds of mechanical work that Donnie used to make late at night. The turtle was always careful not to use any power tools other than a drill late at night, but the jumbled noise of metal, whirring, and clanking always helped him sleep for some reason. Like very nerdy white noise. He hasn't slept the same without it and he knows tonight will be no different.

- - -

He awakes to arguing the next morning. Rubbing his eyes open, Leo debates whether or not he even wants to go out to the source of the noise. In the back of his mind, he wonders if this is how Mikey feels when he and Raph fight. 

"What's wrong with Donnie?! What's wrong with YOU, Raph?!? I talked to him, and I was making progress. But we have to let him open up on his own terms!" 

"The Purple Dragons have done something to him! Our brother wouldn't just go out and become a villain, but until we figure out what they did I don't know if we can trust him! Think of all the times he's attacked you!"

"That's because I didn't give him space! I knew he was getting overwhelmed those times and I ignored it! Those are not his fault!"

Leo sneaks out and into the kitchen. His brothers are fighting in the living room, so at least he's out of sight. Should he try to stop them? They wouldn't be fighting if he had just found Donnie sooner. They wouldn't be fighting if he apologized just a few hours earlier. They wouldn't be fighting if he hadn't tried to take Donnie off the team. If he had just been a better brother, better at protecting his twin when they got into danger, better at stopping him from overworking and burning himself out, better at caring for him. Then none of this would have happened.

Starting up the coffee maker, Leo catches a glimpse of someone in the corner of his eye.

"Dad?" He asks, turning to the rat mutant.

"Good morning, Blue," He says in response. 

Leo grimaces. "It's not much of a good one."

His father nods, sitting at the table.

"I will admit, I don't know how to intervene. I have not been focusing on you boys as I should be," He says.

Leo sets down the mug that he was holding, letting the coffee maker just do its thing.

"Where's this coming from, Dad?" He asks.

"I've failed as a father. Donatello has run away, and I fear he may never want to come home," Splinter says. 

The red-eared slider sits down next to him and sighs deeply.

"Then why haven't you been out looking for him? If you feel so bad, you would've helped me," He says.

His father stares at him. He hesitates before speaking. 

"I have been. Probably less than how much you have, but that is because you have a tendency to overwork yourself. That's actually one of the reasons I got you and Purple separate rooms because both of you would keep each other up at night." Splinter laughs a little. His son nods, remembering how he and his brother were when they were little. Leo was always training, skateboarding, or practicing something so that he could be the best. Donnie would stay with him, reading or tweaking an invention. Their discovery of caffeine did not help their habits.

"I never see you. Or actually, I always see you," Leo says. "Sitting on your chair, watching TV."

Splinter nods. "And after I make sure my boys go to sleep, I look for my missing one."

The coffee maker beeps. Leo gets up to attend to it, thankful for the sweet relief of the drink. His father isn't as neglectful as he thought, but honestly? Leo can't find it in himself to care about that right now. His own actions, his own unsaid apologies, and his own failures are all that fill his head. Maybe that's what his dad was here to help with. But it isn't working.

"My son," He says. "I know our family isn't doing great right now. But please, I hate watching you blame yourself. You are not responsible for your brother's actions."

He drops the cup, letting it rattle on the counter as he falls to his knees. A hand is placed on his shoulder, the gesture so comforting.

"But I am. I- I caused this. Donnie only left because he thought I didn't want him here. He left because-" He stutters, throat getting choked up. Dear Pizza Supreme, it is too early for this. He can't hide behind his wall of jokes and confidence when he's barely even awake.

"He left because we all did something wrong. That's why we're working to make up for it now. It is not your responsibility to be a perfect brother," His dad says gently, hugging his son.

They sit together for several moments. Leo doesn't want to move and break contact. He just wants comfort and his brother back home. But he knows one is going to be harder than the other.

Elsewhere, the oldest and youngest brother's argument continues. It had started when Raph had asked about Donnie. Mikey told him everything, and he got upset that he hadn't dragged their brother home against his wishes. Now it has just devolved into shouting, saying so many things they might regret. Mikey knows Raph's acting out of anger, and that anger is from worry. He knows they'll forgive each other. But he doesn't know if Donnie will.

"Well maybe if Donnie hadn't run off-"

"Are you kidding me?! Whose side are you on, Raph?!" 

"I'm on the side of our family!" Raph shouts. He is. Family is number one, always. 

"Then is Donnie not family to you?"

"Not-" His voice catches. "Not since he said we weren't."

Mikey freezes. When- why would his brother say that? They're family, that's been an indisputable fact their entire lives. 

"Raphael. I'm going to ask you this once, and once only.  Why  did he say that? What was the situation, what did you say right before he said that?"

Raph takes a deep breath, pushing his anger down. He's only trying to help. Mikey's doing what he should have done, which is to talk through the issues his family's been having.

"Donnie didn't show up for the mission. The incident downtown; was some robbery. Remember? We couldn't stop them as soon as we wanted to and a lot of bystanders got hurt. Hypno set off this crystal thing, probably by accident, because it blew up and got destroyed," He recounts. His little brother nods along with him.

"And where was Donnie?" Mikey asks, tapping his foot on the ground. He knows the answer, but he wants to hear Raph say it.

"At school. He joined one without telling any of us, and just ran off during the day while saying he was just really focused on his work! And then he got mad when I said it wasn't our fault we didn't notice, since we always try to respect his space when he's working. It's like he's  trying  to make a problem out of nothing!"

"There's more. Our brother wouldn't renounce his family just because you got mad about one mission," Mikey says.

"Yeah yeah. So I told him he was grounded. It was only going to be for like, a day or two! And he was being completely selfish and irresponsible! People got hurt because he wasn't there, and I'm the one responsible when someone gets hurt because of this family! I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences!"

Mikey looks at him, an eyebrow raised. But Raph gulps, remembering the scenario more clearly now. He'd pushed it aside for so long, but now he was actually being forced to remember it. 

"So I... told him I wished we weren't brothers, so I wouldn't be responsible for his mistakes."

His heart drops in his chest. He really said that, didn't he? Fucking  fuck , he's horrible. Before he even realizes it, Raph's face is wet with tears. He can't stop them from coming, just like he can't stop Mikey from hugging him tightly. But he doesn't feel like he deserves that. In his attempt to just keep his little brother safe, his little brother who didn't listen for his own good, he just ended up being the worst possible person imaginable. 

"Why haven't you said anything?" He asks, his voice so much calmer than it should be.

"Because I'm scared, Mikey! I'm supposed to keep this family together! And look what I've done. I've made a mess. And now every time I see Donnie all I can feel is anger that he  left us  and the cold fear that he'll do it again. So yeah, I'm scared. I'm terrified." He lets the tears fall down his face. He's the big brother, isn't he? The caretaker of the family. He's supposed to be there to make sure that at the end of the day, they all come home unhurt. A certain emphasis on coming home.

"You need to apologize," He says. "But ultimately, I think we all do."

Raph nods. He knows Mikey has already, but Mikey's always been the best one at working out emotions. That's probably why Donnie let him talk to him, instead of anyone else. Because Raph can't help from being a failure of a brother.

A shout from across the lair interrupts him from his thoughts. 

- - -

A few days pass before Donnie even starts to think about talking to the Purple Dragons again. After his conversation with his little brother, his mind is a jumbled mess. Do his brothers need him? Does his family still love him? Logic tells him yes, it's clear. Denial tells him no, things will only go back to the way they were.

Anxiety hangs over him like a looming storm cloud, ready to suffocate him at a moment's notice. He doesn't know what to do. Does he even have a choice of what to do? Maybe Mikey will welcome him back with open arms, but will Leo? Will Raph? Will  Dad ? He doesn't know. Is he supposed to? Donnie's always been the smart one, the turtle who figures stuff out. This may very well be the least figured-out thing to happen to him. That's why he has- had? has- his brothers. 

The first thing he knows he needs to do is make things right with the Purple Dragons. Maybe Kendra was exaggerating when she went on that rant. Or if she wasn't, surely he could convince Jeremy and Jase that she was being unreasonable. They must have noticed her horrible behavioral patterns too, so why do they put up with it? When he reaches Kendra and Jase's home, he finds the garage empty. Odd. It's a weekend, which means they aren't at school. No tech is missing, which means they aren't out committing a crime. So where are they? 

"Hello?" Donnie calls out into the garage. His own voice echoing back at him is his only response.

"Welcome, Donatello."

Donnie whips around, spotting the large computer that has lit up with Kendra's face. One thing they have in common is a flair for dramatics. 

"You've been taking too long to decide, so I'm deciding for you. Meet us at the abandoned warehouse. We have a surprise for you."

Her laughter fills the space around him as the screen goes black. A few seconds later, some coordinates pop up on it. It must be the location of the warehouse. Because of course, it's a warehouse. What more villainy place could she have picked for him to get attacked in? Well, Kendra didn't  say  she was going to fight him, but he's hung around her long enough to know it's implied. 

Donnie looks around the room, deciding which gadget he should probably take with him. His tech bo, obviously. If he still had one of his battle shells, he'd take it too. If it wasn't for the workload Kendra had been pushing on him, he probably would have rebuilt his spider-shell version already. Having all those mechanical arms would've been useful in his long building sessions. As he scans the room, his eyes spot a note on his workstation. He picks it up.

Donnie - It reads.

I know you saw the video. It's a trap. But your brothers are still alive. She doesn't plan on killing them.

-J

Well, the writer couldn't have been vaguer if he tried. Even with his name. Was it Jeremy or Jason that wrote it? Donnie trusts one a lot more than the other, but he genuinely doesn't know which wrote it. But what can he discern from this information? One, he was right. Kendra plans to attack him. Two, the 'surprise' is likely that she has kidnapped his brothers. Three, they will not die. Four, he needs to get over there. Now. Because Kendra does not strike him as both merciful and patient. 

Grabbing his tech bo and a tool kit, Donnie starts to run. He inputs the coordinate on his wrist gauntlet. It's a five-minute run. But in the broad daylight of the afternoon, he has to take the rooftops. Whether that will slow him down or speed him up, he doesn't know. It depends on the roofs that he has to climb.

He makes it to the warehouse. It's cold, grey, and dingy. There's an old padlock on the front doors that he has no problem ripping off. He enters the spacious area, large shelves littered with boxes serving as the only decoration. They split the area into multiple sections, no doubt a wall hidden behind them somewhere. In the open area that he faces, Donnie sees the girl with purple hair. Kendra.

"Where are my brothers?" He asks, not stepping any closer to her. He leaves a wide radius between them, in case she has something planned. Recklessly charging in was for a Donnie confident in his ability to win. 

She looks at him, standing casually with nothing in her hands. "They're just fine, Donatello. Though I suppose that ruins my surprise. Here's the new one: If you don't cooperate, they get hurt. Spoiler alert, the orange one will be first."

"Let me make one thing absolutely clear," Donnie says, clenching his fists. "I can overlook literally anything you guys do in the name of science. Until it hurts my family."

"We're your family, why does it matter what happens to them?" Kendra counters.

"I don't give a damn. But I don't wish harm on them if I can stop it."

The girl looks at him, a wide grin spreading across her face. "Then stop it. Make your choice. You don't belong with them and you know it."

"What kind of sorry excuse for a genius do you take me for?" Donnie asks, powering up his tech bo. "Your manipulation tactics are starting to become obvious."

Kendra laughs out loud. "Of  course , I was manipulating you! DUH!"

"I won't have it. Let my brothers go!" Donnie shouts.

"And you'll what? Say it, Donatello."

"I'll give you my tech."

He powers up the staff.

"In your face!" He shouts, charging at her.

Yikes, he should really leave the one-liners to Leo. His staff charges up with his rocket attachments and he throws it, hoping that they actually work this time. But she ducks and grabs the staff midair, spinning it around and launching it back at him. It hits him square in the chest and he falls to the ground, gasping for the breath that was knocked out of him. He wheezes in as she approaches him.

"Not so high and mighty now, are we?" She asks, leaning over him. Her shoe crushes his fingers, but he can't pull away.

"And here I thought there was a chance you liked me," Donnie says once he regains his breath. He shoves her off of him, standing back up to face the tech genius.

"'I thought you liked me'." She mocks. "Get over yourself. All I had to do was flatter you and tell you how bitchy your family is and BOOM! Free tech for whatever crimes I wanted." Kendra smirks, looking down at the broken boy. "And you won't leave. Because you can't. You left your family. You abandoned your friends. I'm all you have left. And surely you're smart enough to know not to abandon me too... it would make me  so sad ."

"Ah yes, that emotion I'm supposed to care about," Donnie sneers, trying to cover up his real feelings. But she's right. He left and left again. He's probably dead to his family by now. He deserves it. Mikey was probably lying. He doesn't want Donnie to come home any more than the rest of them.

"Enough toying around. Now, this will only hurt a little." 

She holds up a syringe that stabs him in the neck, and the next thing he knows he's on the floor.

- - - 

He wakes up in the warehouse still, only this time he's alone. The only thing to illuminate the darkness of the building is the blinking lights of dozens of robots. He rubs his eyes.  His  robots. Those damn spy bots that he had been building. Talk about dying by his own sword. Kendra had been kind enough to keep them opened up, the storage container inside showing high-grade explosives. At least it wasn't some sort of gun or poisonous gas. Those were his initial guesses.

But now his questions turn to why. Why was he knocked out, why is he locked in a room that's going to explode? What's the point? Why just him?

"Donnie? Donnie!" 

It's not just him. That may be even worse.

Pushing himself up off the ground, the softshell finds himself immediately tripping and falling onto his older brother.

"Raph? What's going on, why're you here?" 

Kendra kidnapped him. He shouldn't be up and walking around. She's not that stupid. His brother shows no signs of being in a fight either, so he couldn't have broken out of anything.

"We- we got a call that the Dragons were holding you hostage. Raph wasn't going to give up on you again. Donnie, I'm so, so, sor-"

"Save it, bro. Kendra's definitely rigged this room to blow so I need to focus. We can save touchy-feely stuff for when we're not about to die. Where are Mikey and Leo?" The softshell asks, trying to stand without losing his balance. Whatever she injected him with was making his head all cloudy. 

He stumbles over to the biggest of the spy bots, which is his main control one. They were designed to act as a sort of pyramid, with the largest being the least stealthy but the most protected. It, in design, was the main base to store information and be the heaviest hitter in times of trouble. Now, it was going to cause the most trouble. He grabs the mini toolbox out of his side bag, spilling the various tools onto the ground. He picks up the screwdriver first.

The moment he touches the robot, a screen lights up. It's a timer.

Five minutes remaining.

That's not nearly enough time. The other bots around them erupt to life, their spindly legs making a clicking sound against the floor. They start to swarm the two turtles, weapons loading up. Donnie shivers. He knows what those weapons will do. He made them.

"I don't know, somewhere else in the building. We got split up immediately. What are these things?" Raph asks, stomping on them with his foot. A stupid mistake, since metal beats flesh on any given day.

"Spy bots. Loaded with explosives and sharp objects. Not our biggest threat though, since the Dragons were nice enough to put a high-grade explosive in this one." One that he doesn't know how to disable. He's never really worked with bombs before. Raph always stopped him, telling him it was dangerous. Too dangerous to experiment with. He's right, but it really wasn't helping Donnie out right now.

"Then what are you waiting for, freakin' disable it!" Raph shouts.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW!" Donnie screams, the sudden outburst surprising himself. "This isn't my tech! I- I don't-" His hands shake, making him drop the tools he was holding.

"Well, you've hung around the Dragons long enough to know their tech!" Raph argues. He punches the robots away from his brother, attempting to keep him safe while he works.

The bomb keeps on ticking.  One minute remaining. 

"Raph, get out of here!" Donnie says. He can hear the sounds of Raph's tonfa hitting metal. It echoes in his head. An early sign that his focus is starting to slip. He can't have that, not right now.

"There's no way in hell I'm leaving you behind again!" He shouts.

The softshell looks at his older brother. A tear slips down the snapping turtle's face, though he ignores it.

"You need to. I can try to buy us some time. The Dragons won't let me die, but they will let you. Get Mikey and Leo and get out of here!" 

Just as he says that the two other brothers in question run into the room.

"There you guys are!" Mikey says. He rushes over to his immediate older brother, hugging him tightly. 

Donnie ignores the touch and looks Leo dead in the eyes.

"Leo. Teleport everyone out of here,  now, " He tells him. If the slider feels taken aback, he doesn't show it.

Twenty seconds.

"Sure thing, hermano. But you're coming with us, m'kay?" Leo says, grabbing his sword.

Fifteen . 

Fourteen .

The portal starts to form. The blue light glows around them. But it doesn't form in time.

[Activated manually]

Those are the words Donnie catches a glimpse of. They blink once, twice. Before he finds himself watching his family get blown up. 

Raph is the first to react, throwing himself towards his younger, soft-shelled brother. Only one thought goes through his mind. If he dies, Raph will never forgive himself. Red mystic energy sparks around him, forming a turtle-shaped shield around those in the immediate blast zone. He feels bits of shrapnel pummel his back, but his spiked shell can handle it. He silently hopes that none have reached the leathery shell of his little brother. His panicked mind readily supplies images of what would happen.

A piece of shrapnel would pierce through Donnie's soft shell. Other bits would tear it up, leaving his back peppered with bloody spots. He'd slump to the ground, possibly onto Raph. His cries of pain would echo in Raph's mind, forever taunting him of his failure. His little brother's blood would stain Raph's hands and stain his mask as he desperately tries to use it to keep his brother from bleeding out. But Raph, even in this imagined scenario, doesn't know if he'd be able to save him.

Imagining what would happen to Mikey and Leo as he desperately tries to save Donnie doesn't help. His stupid mind doesn't need to explore that route at the moment, though, as the snapping turtle sees the bright blue light illuminate the space, combating his own red light. It must be Leo's portal.

Leonardo, bless his heart, had made a portal in time. In the same moment the bomb went off, his instincts took over. Without thinking, the slider had pushed the youngest brother into the portal. He doesn't know exactly where it leads or where he'll land, but it's surely safer than being caught in the blast. A flying piece of metal from the explosion hurtles at him, lodging itself firmly in his shoulder. Leo screams in pain, but he can't hear his own voice. His vision starts to get patchy as all he can feel is blinding pain.  

The next thing the slider knows, he's lying face-first on a fuzzy carpet. He can feel his blood forming a warm, sticky pool around his left side. He hears shouting and sees blurs of color. Someone touches his face and arms, pulling him up from the ground. Leo tries to make out who it is, but he didn't sleep much last night. Right now, the allure of unconscious oblivion is too much to resist. So he lets the darkness swallow him whole. 

Chapter Text

"Raphael! Don't fall asleep! Whatever you do, keep your eyes open!"

He can barely make out a blurry green shape. It's actually more red than green. It grabs him, lying him gently onto something. He can't quite feel it. The only sensation he feels is a buzzing, tingly feeling in his limbs. It's numbness, he realizes. He's only ever gotten numb when he's fallen asleep on his arm, cutting off the circulation by accident. Falling asleep sounds nice right about now. If he could just close his eyes, maybe the numbing will go away.

"Raph! Stay with me, buddy!"

He wants to. The voice sparks something inside him, the urge to hang on. The voice will keep him safe. Or is he supposed to keep the voice safe?

"Please, please stay with me."

Raph would if he could. But he can feel his eyelids slipping down, further and further as they drag him into the darkness with him. He won't feel anything there, not the pain in his back or the numbness in his limbs. That's a better place to be. He hears a scream echo in the distance, or maybe close by. It jolts him back to reality. It's his brother's voice. Donatello. Donnie!

He has to get back to him. Raph's supposed to protect him! The image of pure fear he saw in his little brother's eyes before the bomb went off flashes in Raph's head. He should've been faster. If he had, then maybe his shield would have worked better and the sweet relief of unconsciousness wouldn't be beckoning to him.

The voice speaks to him, but his ears feel full of cotton. He says something, but Raph can't make himself move any longer. He can't hold on any longer. Donnie will keep him safe. Donnie knows what to do in an emergency, right?

His world fades to black.

- - -

Donatello is forced to watch as his older brother leaps in front of him, holding him close to protect him from the blast. He is forced to watch as shrapnel pierces his legs and arms and lodges itself in his shell. The softshell stares at a broken piece of his brother's shell that falls beside them, knowing that if not for his protection he would be dead. But because of that protection, he might have just killed his brother.

Leo and Mikey are nowhere to be seen. But their blood stains the floor. His vision blurs with tears. Where are they? Are they alive? If they are, why aren't they here? Why does only their blood remain?

He takes off Raph's mask, using it as a makeshift way to stifle the flow of blood, desperately wishing he had something to keep him from slipping away. He shouts for him, begging for him to stay. He doesn't want to be alone. Not again. It was a mistake to wish for that in the first place. Actually, it was stupid of him to ever think his brother didn't truly love him. No matter what they said to each other.

Regret washes over him like rain, each drop hitting harder and hurting more. His ears ring from the explosion, causing the painful sound to echo around in his head. He doesn't even hear the footsteps behind him. The only thing that alerts him is the hands dragging him off of his brother's body. Donnie lets out a scream, kicking and clawing with what little strength he has left.

He cannot let them take him. Not when there's so much work to do. If he isn't left to fix his brothers up, then who is? Mikey can't stomach it, Leo doesn't know enough, and their Dad might but there is no guarantee. Donnie's the fix-it guy, he's supposed to stay here and help. He only wants to help.

But the hands are stronger and pin him down. A pinch in his neck tells him he's being sedated. Or maybe being poisoned. He can't let this happen. Not while Raph is right in front of him, bleeding out because he couldn't stop the bomb.

"Raph, Raph, please. I know you're sorry. I am too. Please..." His voice trails off. Somehow, his blood has been replaced with lead. It weighs him down, dragging him to the ground.

It doesn't give him the mercy of sleep. No, Donnie is still conscious as his body is dragged away from the scene. He can't make himself move no matter how desperately he tries. Doesn't his captor realize they're leaving Raph alone? Raphael, who cannot stand being without his brothers. Raphael, who has done the equivalent of taking multiple bullets for him? Now Donnie can't even give him proper medical attention.

What is he going to do if his brother dies? Sure, they're ninjas. Death isn't an unexplored route. But it's largely ignored. They're only teenagers. What kind of fourteen, fifteen-year-old actively prepares for death? It does not lurk in Donatello's life. Not until he brought it in.

He's brought to a building with bright lights. They burn into his eyes, overwhelming his senses. Fluorescent light bulbs, he recalls. They're the reason he always had dim LEDs in his room. It put more strain on his eyes but they didn't send him spiraling when he had a bad day. Now, these lights were not helping. He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing it would all just go away.

"Fix him up," Someone says as if he is nothing more than a broken machine. Is he? He certainly wishes he were one right now. Robots don't have to deal with pain.

Rough hands grab him, wrapping bandages and gauze around his body. What about Raph? Donnie thinks dazedly. Why isn't his brother getting any help? He needs it more. His shell was chipped, if not broken. Now he can't even recall if they still have resin left at the lair. Nobody had broken their shell in such a long time. It was only ever Donnie and his bruises.

He wants them to stop touching him. But his body doesn't obey his wishes. It doesn't move, only stays still. Like a piece of broken machinery, it doesn't do what it's meant to. That terrifies him. What if he never moves again? Will he be stuck like this? He doesn't recall the explosion causing damage to his spine. If it did, not even shock would have allowed him to move right after. What's going on?

His vision is so blurry. Where did his contacts go? He needs them, especially after he broke his last pair of glasses years ago. That time was intentional, he hated the way they felt on his face. His lack of a nose and frequent use of scotch tape to keep them up hadn't helped the experience.

Hours pass. He stays still, stiff as a board. Figures come and go, sometimes talking. Their words are impossible to focus on, everything around him becoming a blur. Eventually, the ringing stops. His vision clears as he comes back to being fully cognizant.

Sitting up, Donnie realizes he's back in the garage. It's been cleared of most of the machinery and tools, his cot and first-aid kit taking their place. He looks at his body, red stained bandages covering only his elbows and knees. He's in better condition than he expected. Thanks to Raph.

"Oh good, you're awake. Tell me, do you have a headache? Nausea? Dizziness? Blurry vision?" Someone bombards him with medical question after medical question. He can barely bring himself to focus.

"Mm... no," Donnie answers quietly. He recognizes the symptoms being a basic concussion test. One he's given to his brothers countless times, Mikey especially.

The person sighs. "Can you tell me where we are?"

"The garage... of Kendra 'n Jase's house."

"Can you tell me who you are?"

"Donatello."

"Can you tell me who I am?"

He squints, the person in front of him coming into proper focus. The turtle stiffens.

"Jeremy."

The boy smiles, releasing the tension he'd been holding. He writes something down on a whiteboard. "Good, you're okay. Or as okay as you can be."

A cup of water is forced into his hands. Donnie doesn't drink from it, just letting the cool liquid warm up from his body heat. The lights hum above him, replacing his ringing with a new white noise. He hates it. He hates sound, being forced to feel through his senses. If everything could just stop then he could focus.

But instead, he stares blankly, not sure what to say or do. Sleep would help him process things, it's the body's natural way of doing so, but he fears that if he lets himself that he may never wake up.

He needs to know if his family is alright before he ever lets himself rest. Jeremy must know. He was likely with Kendra. They activated the bomb. They...

"Where- where are my brothers?" Donnie asks on repeat, once his voice is regained. His head hurts so much, it's like someone took an axe to it. Or like he just got caught up in an explosion, he supposes.

Jeremy looks at him sadly. "Donatello," He says slowly. "They're dead."

Everything stops. The ringing in his ears from the bomb starts to come back. It surrounds him, the noise taunting him. He can't make it stop, even as he presses his hands to his ears. This isn't real. This is a lie. He's dreaming, isn't he? This isn't a possibility, not one he calculated and planned for.

"I'm sorry," Jeremy says.

He's right. They are dead. Raph's probably bled out by now and Mikey and Leo were blown to bits in the explosion. That's why the only trace of them there was their blood staining the ground. They are dead.

"No. No, you're not." Donatello looks at the boy, furious tears spilling over his face. "You let this happen. You caused this! You could've saved them."

"I tried to, I swear. But hey, now you don't have to worry about them. They're in a better place. You can be with us now," He tells him.

The softshell stands and in an instant, his fist connects with Jeremy's face. He knocks the much larger boy to the ground, rage overflowing inside of him.

"I will never join you. See you in hell, Dragon."

He begins to run. Only this time, he has no intention of stopping. He has nowhere to go, no place that he is running to. A place will find him like it always does. This time, it's the sewers again. The old camp he had made near his school is sanitary enough. Though growing up in the sewers has given him some immunity to the germs that live down there, it isn't the best place to go with open wounds. But he doesn't care.

His camp is the same as he'd left it. All it contains is a few blankets, an old toolbox, and his notebook. Fine. That's all he needs to survive. The constant drip, drip, drip of water somewhere in the distance bugs him, but he uses it as a point to focus himself. He can't think if his brain is scattered in a dozen directions.

He sits down, finally noticing how the red mask stains crimson on his hands. Raph's mask always hid blood better, but once it dries it darkens. Donnie can clearly see the dark red liquid that has soaked its way through his brother's signature clothing piece.

He ties the bandana to his wrist, ensuring that he will never lose it. He will never let go. The one benefit to his stubbornness is its flipside, pure determination. Once he has an idea in his head, he will never let it go. He must see it through or see it gone. Either way, he won't stop until he gets results.

Only one thing is clear to him at the moment. He must never let this happen to anyone else. Vengeance will be taken, of course. But it would be better for him to make that slow. He will burn the Purple Dragons alive for what they've done. What he's allowed them to do. He fully intends to make Raph proud, to be a hero. That's what he could've been with his brothers.

Now he must do it alone.

Chapter Text

Donnie didn't always like fitting in. Being himself, sure. He's amazing, so why wouldn't he want to be himself? But fitting in always seemed to push someone out. It was never his intention. In fact, it was never any of the brothers' intention, but it happened anyway.

"I wanna try! I wanna try!" The youngest brother bounces up and down, flying almost as high as the drone flying around. Donnie had been working on it for weeks, and now it was finally ready to show his brothers.

"No offense Mikey, but the color orange is banned in my lab for a reason. It's the most accident-prone color," Donnie says, holding the remote closer to his chest to protect it. He likes his younger brother, but he's been in a very clumsy phase for the past year or two. The nine-year-old couldn't take two steps in Donnie's lab without grabbing or breaking something.

The drone pauses in the air, hovering. Raph can't wait for their father to get home from his grocery run, to see how excited his little brother will be showing off his latest creation. But right now, he's been left in charge. Sibling squabbles are always so much worse when he's in charge.

"Give him a turn, Donnie. He gave you first pick of controllers yesterday," Raph tells him, trying his best to be a fair big brother. Secretly he wants just as much to play with Donnie's new gadget. But Mikey's the youngest so they need to be a little more lenient. 

"Yeah, but this is my invention! It's still in beta!" Donnie says, backing up in resistance.

"And there's nobody beta than Mikey to test its capabilities!" Leo joins in. He sits next to Donnie, resting his head on his shoulder. Briefly, since Donnie smacks him right off.

"That was a horribly great joke. Never do it again and I'll give Mikey the controller. For one minute." Donnie lands the little robot before handing it off to his little brother. This will be a very bad idea, but great for data collection.

He was right, of course. Because his little brother ended up pressing random buttons, causing an unprecedented malfunction in his drone. In other words, it crashed and burned. It was only a small fire, though, and nothing Raph couldn't put out. Still, the destruction left Donnie feeling empty. He had worked so hard, and for what? It was unwise to bring his beta inventions into the lair, but he had been so confident in this one. Now he couldn't even show his dad the work he'd done.

The softshell sits in his lab, tools organized in front of him. Off to the side of his desk sits the broken drone, barely more than burned metal and circuitry. He's no stranger to repair sessions, but it was a punch to the gut that he had to do them now. It's better than letting the damage sit, after all. The sooner he finds what needs replacing, the sooner he can get the parts.

As the night drags on, so do the repairs. Donnie had expected the damage to be minor. But upon further inspection, it was much worse. Torn wires that need replacing, dented metal that interferes with the signal, burned circuit boards, and some parts missing completely. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

He's in for a long night. Not unusual for the ten-year-old turtle, though it's a growing habit he should nip in the bud. Donnie's not the type to do that, however. So instead, he sneaks an energy drink from the fridge, usually reserved for putting Mikey to sleep. For some odd reason, the caffeine-packed drinks put the youngest brother right to sleep.

Sitting at his desk in his lab once more, Donnie wastes no time getting to work. He cracks open his drink and unlatches his secondary toolbox. His starting point will be taking apart the machine and repairing the damages. Next will be the upgrades. Last will be reprogramming and checking for bugs. It's his general layout for repair time, the set schedule helping him get into the proper rhythm.

"Dad says you can't stay in the lab past ten."

Donnie turns to the source of the voice. His brother Leo stands behind him, a mug in his hand. He's already in his pajamas, meaning it must be officially 'bedtime'. He lets out a loud sigh.

"Why do you care?" He asks. "If I don't do this now, then I'll likely never get to it."

"Um, I care about the health of my little brother! Plus, Dad said nothing about you taking your stuff to your room. I'll grab whatever you need if you let me chill on your bed," Leo tells him. He smirks as he takes a sip from his mug.

Donnie smiles. "This is why Dad doesn't like us, isn't it?" He asks.

Leo nods. "Actually, I'm the favorite. We're simply using that favor."

"Uh huh, and Mikey is the oldest child."

Leo gasps in indignation. "You wound me, Tello! You're just jealous because you can't do Lou Jitsu moves like I can."

The softshell starts to pack up his workspace, dumping his heavy toolbox in his twin's arms. "Wanna bet? And I'd like to see you do gymnastics like I can. You can't even touch your toes, Nardo."

"Okay, Sir Flexible Shell! Some of us bend like normal people! Can't fault me for that," Leo sticks out his tongue.

They leave the lab, walking over to the younger twin's room. "By the way, Dad thinks I'm the funniest. So you lose."

The slider rolls his eyes, dumping the toolbox on the floor. It narrowly misses his foot, and he jumps away, muttering curses as Donnie snickers. "He does not! Everyone knows I'm the absolute funniest turtle the world's ever seen!"

"You're so dramatic, you know that?" Donnie asks as he sits down. He spreads out his materials and straightens them. Everything must be even and in order before he starts to work. If he does that, then maybe things won't get messy by the end. They always do, though.

"And you're not? I saw your musical collages; you're a total theater kid!"

"And I saw the recordings of you singing along to way too many musicals."

"Fine! We're both dramatic."

"That is why Raphael calls us the Drama Twins. Or anything along those lines, I wasn't really listening."

"Ohhh, I think Drama Twins came because we keep getting into trouble on the surface. I mean, how were we supposed to know that breaking into the Empire State Building wasn't allowed? He never told us!"

The banter continues for a while, Leo keeping up most of it. He slowly shifts the conversation to a wide range of topics, Donnie minimally participating in favor of focusing on his work. His brother's banter only stops when he asks questions, as it leads to breathless rambles about all the things he's been working on. It's only real moments like these where the softshell gets to share, as during the day his brothers simply don't have the time to listen.

It's only after another one of his rambles, probably the fourth of the night, that Donnie notices how quiet the other has gotten. Unusual, but it chalks it up to them both getting sleepy. Plus, Leo didn't have an energy drink. It's a wonder he's still awake. But his hypothesis is proven incorrect when his brother finally speaks.

"Hey Dee," Leo asks. His voice is barely a whisper. Possibly because he doesn't want to even share the thoughts he's been having right now. But he's spoken, now it's too late to turn back.

The softshell doesn't look up, though he does pause his sawing. He's spent the last hour carving his metal to his custom specs again. "What is it?"

"Am I a burden?"

Donnie turns and looks at his brother, flipping his goggles up. Why would he ask such a stupid question? Usually, Leo's stupid questions followed the lines of 'Are you sure the 80s were real?' or 'Why do microwave doors even exist?'. Not questions like this. 

"Counter-question. Lee, am I a burden?" Donnie asks, furrowing his eyebrows. What's going on? More importantly, how is he going to figure this out?

Leo flops over on the bed. "No... you've got all your cool techie stuff. You're so smart and know everything all the time. All I have are..." He trails off. "My incredible charm and ninja skills. And even then, I barely have ninja skills!"

"That doesn't matter."

"Why?" His brother looks over at him, tears threatening to spill over. Donnie freezes, not knowing what to say. Words don't come naturally to him, not in this sense. But now Leo's crying, and it's his fault. It is his fault, right? Why else would his twin suddenly cry out of nowhere? It doesn't make sense.

"Um... I- uh," Donnie says uselessly. It doesn't help. Leo has a fresh wave of tears coming, though he buries his face in Donnie's pillow. "Don't get snot in it, please."

"Is that all you have to say?!" Leo asks through choked sobs.

The softshell is quiet for a few seconds. He climbs up on his bed and sits next to his brother, who gladly leans on him. Donnie inhales deeply, quickly forming a plan for how to work this conversation.

"Let's put it this way. If I didn't have my tech skills, would I be a burden?" He asks. If he turns the question on Leo, his knack for words should string together something he can parrot. Donnie loves his brother wholeheartedly but saying that always comes out a jumbled mess. It's happened before, and now is not the time for it to happen again.

Leo sniffles. "Obviously not. You're my brother; how could you ever be a burden?"

"Exactly! How could you ever be a burden, due to the fact that we are brothers?" Donnie asks. It's a simple equation, really.

"'Cause, 'cause I- I dunno. You're just so good at your robots and I'm not good at anything. What if we never become a real ninja team because none of you think I'm useful?" Leo says, his voice catching and getting interrupted by sniffling.

Donnie pats his brother's shell. "I'd keep you around even if you only caused problems." It wouldn't be much of a change, with how Leo constantly crashes into valuable stuff and breaks things. But he has a feeling it would be bad to bring that up now.

"Thank... thank you, Don. I'm sorry."

"Sigh, you got snot on my pillow, didn't you?"

"Guess we have to have a sleepover in my room now."

"Is this just an elaborate scheme to get me away from my work?"

"Maybe, maybe not."

The twins grinned at each other. Donnie gives Leo one more pat on the shell before gathering his blankets. His project can wait. They walk off to Leo's room, and both think to themselves at that moment, where would they be without each other?

- - -

Donnie didn't ever want to find out the answer to that. He had every intention of never coming to that conclusion, finding the solution to the hypothesis. Now he's forced to. Thoughts circle around in his head over and over, twisting guilt into blame and changing grief into equations. He works as a machine because he may just shut down if he doesn't.

It has been three days, four hours, and ten minutes since the explosion they died he killed them the incident. Donnie sits in his sewer hole, his older brother's ruined bandana never leaving his person. He's since moved it from his wrist to his neck, since seeing the dried blood every time he looked down had made him sick.

Thus, his neck was the solution. He's worked with metal long enough to convince himself that the constant coppery smell was only another project. Not anything else. Looking around at his camp, he realizes that he needs to do something. Anything. He has a set list of tasks ranked in urgency.

Number One, find more insulation. Winter is barely a few weeks away. All he has in his possession are two worn-thin blankets. It's only a matter of time before the cold fully sets into the city. He will go into hibernation if he doesn't, and with his poor nutrition, it's uncertain if he'll survive. He cannot die before avenging his brothers.

Number Two, scavenging for parts. There are many things he has to build and his notebook can only hold so many ideas. He risks losing out on his calculations and planning if he doesn't get back to work. The sooner he can get to rebuilding and inventing, the sooner he can find a way to bring them back to deal with his grief.

Number Three, look for food and water. Mostly water. He's an aquatic turtle after all and going too long without any source of water will hurt him more than it would hurt his brothers. Human DNA only does so much to combat the turtle traits in him. So thus, he requires water.

Number Four, sleep. Rest would be beneficial for his injuries. But he does not need it. The nightmares and flashing images of his older brother's bloodied and broken body are enough to keep him awake every time he closes his eyes. He does not want to relive the incident. Never, not again. Donnie knows he can survive for a while without proper sleep, though. He'd passed out right after he'd made his way to his new camp.

Donnie's body, however, was not going to give him a choice in the tasks he needs to complete. His head is still pounding, hearing is diminished. Burns line the edges of his arms and legs, which his brother couldn't cover. Running through his mental list of all the injuries possible from being caught in an explosion, he's rather lucky. No clear brain, lung, eye, stomach, or skeletal damage. But he tries not to think about any possible injuries because all his mind will focus on is Raph.

Raph. Raph, who shielded him. How many of those injuries did he suffer? Will he be able to see, move around, to breathe? There's the possibility of a ruptured lung, toxic smoke inhalation, or severe burns. Which one of those effects killed him? The shrapnel? Broken bones? Blast pressure?

He wants to stop thinking. If he could, just for once, then maybe... maybe what? He could be happy? Thinking was what gave him value and a purpose. Thinking was what drove him away. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Donnie's body decides to shut down. Sleep is the best way to recover from injuries. Both mental and physical. Not letting his body or mind process what happened was starting to take its toll. So sleep greets him, whether or not the turtle was willing.

- - -

His dreams are not pleasant. They start with fragments of the bomb. The note, the fight with Kendra. Eventually, she turns into the bomb. The clock ticks down, the numbers taunting him. It seems to go on for an eternity, the time slowly decreasing as his frustration increases. He can't solve this. The wiring twists around like snakes, wrapping around his head.

He can't fix this. Even though he's supposed to. He's the smart one, he's Donatello. Sure, he had other uses. But above all else, he was the guy his brothers came to for solutions. But here, as he sits with the explosive, he doesn't have one.

It explodes.

When he wakes again in his dream, Donnie's back in the sewers. At least, he assumes so. It's a dream landscape where the background barely exists. The walls are fuzzy, the water around him creating no noise. It's dark. The greys and greens creep around him, smothering any color he could perceive.

A figure stands in front of him. Green, with yellow stripes. A deep navy shell. Bright red markings contrast his blue attire. Somehow, his twin Leo. Donnie blinks, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey there, Tello. How's it hanging?"

"Are... are you even real?" The softshell asks instead of responding. How is he even supposed to reply to a question like that? "You're not. I know you're not."

Fake-Leo's face twists in what Donnie guesses is pain. He takes a hesitant step closer. Seeing that the softshell doesn't bother to scoot away, he sits down next to him.

"So, tell me, Tello," Fake-Leo says. "Why don't you think I'm real?"

Donnie stares blankly at nothing. The sewers don't have much to look at. He draws his knees closer to his chest. "Because you're dead."

"I'm not dead."

"You're a figment of my imagination. A hallucination brought on by my brain struggling to process grief. Or a dream. You aren't real. You'll go away eventually."

Donnie hopes that he's wrong. That somehow, deep down, he is completely incorrect and that this is, in fact, his brother. Leo's come to take him home and tell him that everything is alright. Raph and Mikey are safe. They miss him.

"You're too smart for your own good, Don-Tron."

Donnie nods, fidgeting with his hands as he slowly uncurls himself. He wants to see Leo, even if he isn't actually there. "Mm. That's also why I know you're not real. Leo would insult me even if the world was ending."

Fake-Leo laughs. The sound brings more tears bubbling up from inside him. "Yeah, I would. But what about all the times I fed into your ego? I've been your fan since day one, dude."

"When'd you stop?" Donnie asks. "Why did you stop?"

"I..." Fake-Leo blinks. He turns away, leaving his real brother disappointed. But what did he expect from his own subconscious? That he'd make a perfect copy of his brother, complete with all the memories he didn't have?

He misses them. Even more so, he hates being right. Because after only a little while, Fake-Leo disappears. He wakes up alone in the sewer again. Wishing that he had more time with his brother, real or otherwise.

Chapter Text

When Leo awakes, the first thing he sees is white. As he blinks a few times, the color gains texture and he realizes it's a ceiling. When did he fall down? Where is he? What is he doing on the ground? Lifting his head, he gets a proper look at his surroundings. Is he... in April's room? A wave of relief washes over him as he takes in the yellow walls, various baseball posters, and nerdy knickknacks. The familiarity alleviates some of the anxiety that had started to build the second he woke.

He pushes himself up, wincing at the stabbing pain in his shoulder. Reaching for it only causes him to fall back down, his arms too unsteady to hold him upright for long. When he pulls his fingers away from his wound, bandaged somehow, he's thankful no blood comes with them. Slowly, the past events start piecing themselves together in his head, enough so that he can figure he's been injured. Who else has?

Trying again to sit up, Leo lets out a soft grunt of effort. He must have been louder than he thought, because the second he does so, he hears the door opening and his little brother running in. "Leo! You're awake!"

Mikey hugs him tightly, careful to avoid the bandaged shoulder. Leo's shoulders drop some of the tension he didn't realize was there when he sees his little brother alright. He pats him on the shell with his good arm. His portal worked. He made it in time.

"Wheresss' everyone?" He asks, seemingly not noticing the slurring of his speech. His head is pounding, his muscles ache, and his stomach stirs uncomfortably. It'd been one hell of a day so far. April walks in quietly seconds later, standing in the doorway and letting Mikey continue to cling to his brother

Leo doesn't like the way his little brother tenses when he asks. Mikey knows where their family is, doesn't he? He has to. Everyone got out safely, right? His memory is still fuzzy, but Raph and Donnie had to have gone through the portal after them. Leo knows he would never close it if they didn't.

"They're still back there- I think. Raph hasn't called yet. I'm going back for them," Mikey explains, his voice cracking. Leo's heart sinks.

"Not withou' me," He mumbles, trying to shift to look his brother in the eye.

April glances around the room nervously, probably because of either Leo's broken body or the two not-present brothers. "Don't you dare go passing out on me again, Leon."

"What 'appened?" The slider asks, still a little dazed as he looks at the two. Mikey takes a step back, moving to sit down on the floor of the room. April twists her fingers nervously.

"Well," April says, "you and Mikester over here portaled in here like half an hour ago. Very nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw you bleeding out."

Leo nods along, trying to move himself up against the headboard properly. The stabbing pain in his right shoulder makes him wince, but he sits up anyway. Hopefully, April's going to tell him why his entire body aches like he was just hit by a bus.

"Mikey was kinda confused, but he tried to fill me in on what happened as I dragged you to my bathroom. From what I got, you guys were somewhere with Raph and Don, then a bomb exploded. You got hella big piece of shrapnel in your shoulder," April says.

"Oh, as long as it's only hella big. Not like, real damn big. Then we'd be in trouble," Leo jokes. He may be the only one laughing, but that doesn't stop him from leaning on his humor as a crutch. It's funny to see the death glare April gives him for it.

"Watch your mouth around Mikey." That is all she has to say to that. "So anyway, you're pretty banged up. I'd go through your guys' injury checklist when you get home. In the meantime, mind filling me in on how you ended up half-dead in my apartment?"

"Mmmy bad," Leo grins. As he regains his senses, the 'Leo' instincts kick in, as he dubs it. Smile, figure out what's going on, and most importantly: don't let anyone think he's freaking out. Because then they'll start to freak out too. Even if they all have a million reasons to be distressed right now, Leo won't show it. "So um, we got a call. From those Dragon guys. They said somethin' about Donnie, somethin' about ransom."

It's April's turn to nod and pretend like this is all completely fine. She and Mikey listen patiently, with Leo still sounding so out of it. If the slider hadn't caught on that his little brother was trembling, he'd make him tell the story.

"Obviously we went to where they said they'd be. Two dudes with techy weapons were there, 'cause of course, it was a trap." Leo laughs. "An' that's how we got separated from Raph. The guys trapped us in a corner, we were totally kicking their asses though. No problem for the ultimate bro duo, the mutant ninja turtle teens, with our rad skills and-"

April cuts him off. "Back on track, Leo."

"Right, right," Leo waves with his good arm. "So we got past 'em and went to find Raph. Then yada yada we found Donnie, yada yada bomb, yada yada portal. Now if you'll excuse me, it sounds like I got two hermanos to save."

He tries to stand up but his friend pushes him back immediately. April doesn't believe for a second that he's well enough to be moving around. "Yeah, you're not going anywhere. I'm calling Splinter and taking you guys home."

"Take Leo. I'll go by myself," Mikey tells her. She sighs, sitting on the edge of her bed. Leo watches his younger brother's face go from worried to determined. The familiar mask of bravery, though Leo is better at it than Mikey is. "They should've called by now."

"Hey, don't cry hermano. Our family's tough. You've seen how much stuff Raph's broken with his face. This is no biggie," Leo says.

"They're not dead, Mikey. You guys are tougher than that," April assures him as her phone rings. A few beats later, it picks up. "Yeah, hi Splinter. To put it delicately, I've got bad news."

- - -

After a few minutes, Leo says something about needing a nap. They decide to let him sleep, but Mikey can't help the knot of fear stuck in his stomach as he sees his unconscious brother. He and April are by no means medical experts, their knowledge being capped at knowing how to do stitches. All of the complicated stuff was left to Donnie and Leo. So the current situation is far from ideal.

April and Mikey sit in silence after getting off the phone with Splinter. The looming silence of the room eats away at Mikey, but he can’t bring himself to speak. He’s grateful when April doesn’t push him off her shoulder when he rests his head on it. It's killing him to not run after his brothers right now but he needs to make sure Leo gets home safely. Because maybe his brothers are okay. Raph always takes care of them, always is there in a crisis, and Donnie always has a plan, always stays a step ahead. They've got each other. Or at least that's what Mikey tells himself.

These assurances do nothing to stop him from jumping up and sprinting down the fire escape the second he hears the turtle tank pull up. Mikey is already hugging his father outside the tank when April manages to get herself and Leo down there. It's not without a bit of struggle though, with Leo only being half-conscious. He looks like he may fall at any second. But once she does get him on solid ground, they break apart and Splinter rushes to his other son.

"Blue!?" Mikey's father immediately shouts when he sees the group. He turns to Mikey, fear lacing his usually calm voice. "What's happened to him? And Orange, are you okay?"

April passes the turtle off to him, and he supports the slider as they walk to the tank. She and Mikey follow, both doing their best to fill in the gaps. Leo mumbles a few words, but none of them are comprehensible anymore. Splinter lays him down on the floor of the tank, letting him sleep. He turns back to the other two, who have yet to join him in the car.

"Take care of Leo. We're going to go get Raph and Donnie," his youngest son says. April nods in agreement.

"Get all your medical stuff ready. I think Leo's got a checklist or somethin' of what you guys use in emergencies. I've got my first-aid kit, but I don't think it's gonna fix everything," She says. Glancing at Mikey, she adds, "In the worst-case scenario. They're probably just a little scratched up."

The box turtle stares at his feet. Why doesn't he have his own first-aid kit with him? He's always tried to be prepared. But he'd left it at home today. Today, of all days!

His dad nods. "Be careful."

April looks at him but puts her hand on Mikey's shoulder. "We'll try."

When Mikey and April make it back to the warehouse, it is a mess. Blood, scorch marks, and shrapnel litter the ground. It paints a gruesome picture, with his oldest brother as the centerpiece. Only his oldest brother. It's not hard to see what isn't there. Donnie. Where is his other brother?

He's gone once again. Only this time, it sets off different alarm bells. The first time, Mikey had almost full confidence that he was safe. Now, the blood staining the ground says otherwise. Where did he go? And maybe more importantly, how? Raph's hurt, obviously, but there's no way Donnie would just abandon him! Even if they had fought, even though Donnie ran away, he would never turn his back at a time like this.

"I'll handle this," April tells him. "Go look for Donnie."

She turns the small box turtle away from the scene. The dried crimson streaks across the floor indicate someone was moving out of the building, maybe by force. It makes his stomach churn, but he pushes back. Mikey's eyes are glued to his older brother. He's seen his fair share of injuries, but his dad had prevented him from becoming the team medic for a reason. Despite his eagerness to help, there are just some things that the rest of his family doesn't want him to see. Curse of being the youngest, he supposes.

With a less gentle nudge from April, Mikey concedes to follow the blood trail. Just outside the doors, it stops. No more clues. Mikey can feel the cool breeze of the night passing through. He looks around at the city as he whispers to himself. "What are we gonna do?"

He doesn't know anymore. Mikey's always had his older brothers looking out for him, probably in more ways than he realizes. He looks out for them too, making sure everyone is happy and working out their problems. How could he have let something so major slip through the cracks?

"Mikey!" April shouts from inside. "Call your dad. We're gonna need the car. And give me your mask!"

The box turtle sends a quick text to his father before rushing back inside, forcing himself to come face to face with the scene. He unties his orange mask and hands it to April, who ties it around his older brother's leg. He's bleeding. Probably more than Leo was. Mikey can see other pieces of cloth and bandages covering Raph's body, the transition from medical grade to clothing showing how few medical supplies they really had. Why would they have more? It's not like anyone expected this kind of thing to happen. Now, all Mikey can ask is why didn't they have more? Who was in charge of restocking their medical supplies?

"Help me lift him." April hauls up the giant snapping turtle, trying her best to not drag him. It isn't easy, considering Raph is twice the size of her.

Together, they manage to pull him up and move him out of the wrecked warehouse. Mikey looks around. The city is lit up, but the area around them is dark. Still, the fear of being caught instilled in him since he was a tot tells him to find cover as soon as possible. He points to a nearby sewer hole cover.

"Should we?" Mikey asks, looking over at April.

The girl shrugs. "It's gonna be harder than just waiting. We could've carried Leo, but we definitely can't carry Raph all the way back." April pats the snapping turtle's arm and smiles weakly.

Mikey nods his head silently. He appreciates April for trying to stay lighthearted, but it isn't helping that much.

"We'll wait for your dad to get here with the tank again," She decides.

Mikey sighs quietly. "Why would anyone do this?" He asks. His arms shake; whether from fury or fear or lifting his brother is unclear. "Why?! What's the point of hurting our family?"

"I don't know, Mike. You guys fight bad guys on the regular." April's voice is soft, like an older sister comforting her brother. She shifts her weight, trying to look over at Mikey without losing hold of Raph.

"Never the Purple Dragons, though," Mikey says. "That one time they stole Donnie's tech was just you and him."

He remembers how Donnie didn't stop complaining for over a week about how they had ruined his tech. Mikey didn't quite see what the big deal was, considering the rest of the family had messed with his gadgets on more than one occasion. He chalked it up to them being used for nefarious practices. Specifically nefarious, as Donnie had kept using that word. His brother also installed new security protocols for the entire lair after that.

"My best guess is they don't want Donnie to leave them, so they're trying to... get rid of us," April tells him.

"They're your age! Would they really do that?" Mikey asks in disbelief. He doesn't like how April only shrugs. He knows that the Purple Dragons are only April's age, if not just barely older.

"If I could tell you no in full confidence, I would," She admits.

"Why would Donnie ever work with them, then?"

April stays silent.

"I don't know what he's thinking right now," She finally says as she shakes her head. She shifts her arms again as she tries to hold up the large turtle between them. "Let's put Raph down. I don't think Splinter is gonna be here soon."

Slowly, they set the snapping turtle down on the ground, making sure not to agitate any of his injuries. They sit down on the concrete path and Mikey leans on his older brother's chest, feeling the slight rise and fall. He's going to be okay. Repeating those words like a mantra helps in easing his nerves.

Mikey knows Donnie said he wasn't ready to come home yet. But now, this was a matter of safety. The Dragons aren't just jerks who wanted his brother's skills, but monsters that were willing to kill just to keep him. Once he makes sure the rest of his family is going to recover, he's finding him and dragging him home, no matter what gets in his way.

Chapter Text

Winter is a difficult season. In New York City, it means being covered with snow and drenched in cold air. For most, the season is easy to survive. But for a family of nearly cold-blooded mutants, it is not so easy.

One of the worst winters happened when Donnie was seven. There was such little shelter from the cold in their home. The freezing air seemed to seep in through the walls of the lair. Splinter hadn't yet found any sort of heating lamp, so all the turtles had to rely on were coats and blankets. And each other.

"Daddy, I'm freezing!" Mikey cried. The little box turtle had not taken to the chill very well, even with his older brothers giving him extra blankets. Raph and Leo had insisted they didn't need them. Donnie watched from the corner of the living room when his little brother decided to wander over to their dad.

Splinter sighed to himself quietly before reaching for the small turtle. "Come here, Orange. You can hug me while we watch a movie."

He smiled as the youngest squealed in delight. "Guys! Come watch a movie with us! It's turtle pile time!"

Mikey climbed onto his father's lap, nuzzled against his soft fur. Raph and Leo’s footsteps are loud and clambering as they run into the living room. The two oldest climbed on the large recliner with them. Mikey grabbed Raph's arm and pulled it over him to act as a sort of blanket. Donnie stood a few feet behind, walking slowly and quietly. 

"Dad, I thought we couldn't watch any movies. Donnie said somethin' about saving electricity?" Raph asked, confused.

Splinter pats his eldest son on the head. "It's battery-powered, Red. You and Purple don't need to worry."

"I know," Raph said, dragging out the word. "But he's usually right 'bout stuff."

"Usually. He's smart, but all of you boys are still kids. Now, which movie do you all want to watch?"

Donnie was willing to bet his father hadn't noticed that he had yet to join them, despite being the one talked about. He hated touch, even despite the cold weather. Yes, he tolerated Mikey cuddling up to him and being surrounded by his brothers when they slept in a pile. But now was not the time for that. The only reason they're doing this was for Mikey. And he didn't specifically ask Donnie to join them, so he was pretty sure the invitation didn't extend to him. Even if it did, there wasn't enough room on the chair for all of them.

So the softshell sat to the side of his dad's recliner, resting his head against the soft cushion. He had spent the last few days in his softest hoodie and a fluffy NASA blanket. Warmth was not an issue for him. He is not cold, absolutely not. So although he was well aware that being huddled together with his family for body heat would make him warmer, he refused.

His brothers ended up picking Jupiter Jim's Pluto Vacation 4. None of them had seen it yet, and as their dad had put it, they needed to watch something with a little sunshine. Donnie didn't bother to mention that the amount of sunlight that reaches Pluto is very minimal. He'd probably get shushed for interrupting the movie if he did. Although he wouldn't be the only one. Splinter keeps whacking Leo lightly with his tail every time he shouts and bounces around. The cold has not dampened his energy one bit, even though it feels like it's drained Donnie to the core.

Watching his beloved hero get trapped inside a block of ice was doing nothing to help Donnie's current state. He curled up, tugging the blanket tighter him. Looking over at his family, he was at least grateful Mikey looked much warmer. The tiny box turtle had gotten locked in a Raph hug, which both looked perfectly content with. Mikey was finally smiling again, having had a permanent frown stuck on his face when he got too cold. Lucky for Donnie, that never ever happened to him. The softshell never got cold.

About halfway through the movie, Leo hopped down from the chair to sit over by his twin. "Holy guacamole, Tello! You're freezing!" He yelped when he flung his arms around his shoulders. Even through the blanket, the slider felt his brother shivering.

"No- no, I'm not! I'm completely warm, so get offa' me!" Donnie feebly attempted to push his brother off of him.

"C'mon, you gotta join us in the turtle pile! You're gonna freeze," Leo said, trying to drag the softshell up from the floor.

"I don't wanna! I hate touching!" Donnie insisted, though he still stood up.

Raph and Mikey continued to watch the movie, but the noise had gotten their father's attention. He turned to the twins. "Donnie, with all your layers, you won't even feel us. Now come, join us. Orange wants a hug from his older brother," He said in a hushed voice.

"Yeah! C'mere, Donald," Mikey said.

Donnie glared at all of them as he climbed onto the chair, squishing up against Raph and Splinter. Leo sits on his other side, resting his head on the edge of his soft shell. With all of them together, Donnie feels warm. A true, genuine feeling that keeps the cold away from even his fingertips. Even the physical touch doesn't bother him like he thought it would. He feels as though he's surrounded by a hug.

That was when he didn't feel cold.

- - -

Winter has set in around the city. A biting cold with harsh winds and heavy snowfall. Donatello is grateful for the sewer that provides cover but it lacks true insulation. Being a reptile, he doesn't have the best temperature regulation in his body. But he also human in some way too, a New York winter won't kill him. At least, that's what he tells himself as he rubs his arms, rough with goosebumps.

He needs somewhere warm. His blankets aren't doing much, and it's too cold to manage a trip to the junkyard. His last run had to have been a week ago before the chill set in. It was foolish of him to not dig for any sort of thing to keep him warm, whether it was space heaters, heating lamps, or even another blanket. But last winter had been so warm it barely even snowed. Mikey had been so disappointed. His mood shifted to more depressed after Donnie told him all about climate change. He didn't expect this one to be so bad.

As the blankets begin to grow thin and Donnie's fingers start to numb, he realizes he can't stay here. Not unless he wants to brumate, and with the lack of proper nutrition he's been getting, he won't survive the process. But where would he go? Where could he stay while still remaining anonymous? There's no hotel that doesn't have security cameras or a giant spider lady infestation. He probably couldn't afford to stay that long at one anyway. He wouldn't be able to work on his machines if he goes to a shelter. But that's when he remembers. 

The school. His old safe haven. As long as he sticks to certain areas no janitor will bother him. It's open to students for at least twelve hours a day, if not longer. Free food once a day, heating, and a real metal shop to work with. While the shop is nothing compared to his old lab, it's something. Tools, heavy-duty equipment, better quality scrap supplies. So long as nobody monitors him, it's the perfect place to get some real building done.

Before he starts the short trek to his school, Donnie grabs his laptop. It's a busted old thing that he found weeks ago and fixed, but that doesn't matter. What he needs to do before leaving is check the school records. He needs to make sure those Purple Dragons aren't going to be there, otherwise, he doesn't know how he'll react. Maybe he'll be murderous, maybe he'll be destructive. He can't have that yet. Not when he has a perfectly good revenge plan to plot. That will be far more satisfying.

Scrolling through his hacked database, he finds relief in that the murderers do not go to his school. He remembers faintly how they were considering transferring, but he is so glad they didn't. But would people like them even go to school, especially after committing such a horrendous crime? They usually took a day off after a robbery, just to scrub themselves from police databases. How many days will it take them to scrub the blood off of their hands?

The longing to be able to invent again is the only thing he feels as he packs. He's only been repairing things in the past week or two. Mostly his living space, then the essentials. There's been no time to make things. His essentials, his living space; but he hasn’t had any time to create. There's been no time. Especially not to build the weapons of mass destruction he's been mentally designing. He has a very simple plan in mind: destroy the Purple Dragons in whatever way will be the most satisfying. He doesn't care about collateral damage. To those monsters, his brothers had only been collateral.

It's nearing dawn, and Donnie can see the lights of classrooms through the windows. While he doesn't know the time, he can tell it's a little too early for students to arrive. Good. He'll slip in through the backdoor of the metal shop. It's easy to unlock with any garage door, and once he's inside, he can set up camp and slip into a shower. One of those sounds like nothing short of a miracle right now.

The softshell, despite his lackluster attendance, knows the school fairly well. Meaning he knows exactly which classrooms are completely abandoned. Most are in the basement due to the less-than-stellar smell. It's a mixture of the shut-down pool, consistently clogged bathrooms, and frequent mild flooding. So nothing that bad compared to the sewers. They give him small sense of homeliness, actually. Donnie finds himself in a mostly empty classroom; he sets down his things and breathes a sigh of relief. His body is warm, a feeling he hasn't known in too long. But it doesn't reach all the way through him, still leaving the ghost of a shiver in his fingers and back.

- - -

He spent three days trying to collect himself and establish a new routine. Donnie finds himself wandering the classroom aimlessly, having the urge to build something but no drive. He thought that maybe finding his long-forgotten spare battle shell in his locker would inspire him. Instead, in storage units he found the spare masks he'd carry for his brothers. The soft orange and blue strips of fabric went around his neck with Raph's bloodstained red one.

Eventually, Donnie forces himself to get working. More than likely because he's desperate for some sort of distraction. He can only get so far with his anger and coffee from the school vending machine. All that combination resulted in was several bruised knuckles and even more broken pieces of metal and planks of wood.

All of his focused efforts resulted in something small. He hadn't actually made a proper plan, just built whatever his hands wanted to. That ended up being a small robot, mildly reminiscent of a small robot helper, with its small wheels and screen face. But this was entirely his. Genius Built, with his logo on it. He never even realized he put it on there until afterward. Leo was the one who originally called his stuff Genius Built during one of those late nights in his lab together.

"Hey there little guy," Donnie whispers to the robot.

It turns up its head with a pleasant whirring noise and displays on its screen two simple words. 'Hello World'. The softshell has the barest ghost of a smile on his face. Ordinarily, this is his favorite part of inventing. The little spark in all his hand-built creations coming to life with such a basic greeting. One mostly added in as a routine, but the words always make him crack a smile. At least, they usually do.

Donnie can feel the frown set deep in his face. He thinks he should feel happier about this. Watching his little robot start to move around, getting a sense of the environment. Does he even want to make stuff anymore? Even if he answered, he doesn't really have a choice. Donnie will not let himself stop until he fixes things. But maybe, probably after that, he'll stop. The joy of creation will be something stored away in his memory, saved for a Donatello who lived a different life.

Feeling content with his creation, he packs up his things for the night. He always leaves the school areas he uses in pristine condition to not raise suspicion. That is, the school metal and wood shops. Because his classroom has devolve into a mess. Call it a reflection of his state; there's simply no energy left in him to clean it as well. He would never let his lab get this messy at home. Or maybe he did, but someone was always there to help clean.

Donnie flops onto his pile of books with a blanket atop one. He lets sleep to consume him on his makeshift bed. He's done so much sleeping since he got here. The desperate urge to be doing more, to be more useful, is as present as his shadow. But his body simply won't allow itself to keep going. So instead, the sweet embrace of nothingness has become his friend. A better friend than anyone else he's had. If only his sleep always brought nothing.

He finds himself sitting in his old lab. The warm purple glow is so comforting. What's he supposed to be doing? It's something important. Right? He feels disoriented, like when he's on a caffeine withdrawal. Looking at the desk in front of him, he sees he's repairing Shelldon. The brutal scratches deep within his metal carapace scare him, but Donnie doesn't think to ask where they came from. Somewhere in the back of his head already knows.

It must be late at night because Leonardo comes walking into his lab, mug of tea in hand. He sits down on the chair behind him, watching as Donnie unpacks a toolbox. The softshell glances at him, his non-existent hairs standing on end. A shudder runs down his spine.

"What're you doing here, Leon?"

The slider shrugs. "Watching. Making sure you don't hurt yourself. It's late, isn't it?"

Donnie nods silently. At least if he injures himself here, he has the team medic on standby, though he's more helpful when Donnie gets to work with a blowtorch. Fire safety was not something instilled in him at a young age. Leo knows how to treat burns. Therefore, letting him be a sort of pseudo lab partner is beneficial.

Wordlessly, he picks up a hammer and starts to pry apart the metal of Shelldon's back using the claw. It's sharp, the edges nearly slicing his fingers. But he has to keep working, or he won't get fixed.

"You sure you want to be doing that? Looks dangerous," Leo comments. He puts his hands behind his head, a smug grin on his face.

"Oh will you shut up?!" Donnie slams his fist on the desk. Why is he so mad? This has his blood boiling. Why isn't he happier to see his brother alive?

Leo rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "This is why we don't like you. You never listened, even when we tried to help."

The slider turns into smoke. Donnie grabs a wrench and throws it at where he used to sit, watching as it sails through the air and crashes to the ground. It did little to help the burst of frustration.

"Even when we let you come home, you just had to go and ruin it, huh?" Mikey says. He appears in his peripheral but Donnie refuses to turn to him.

"I don't need your help," He mutters. The reason he even bothers being upset right now eludes him. This is all just a dream. Just a dream.

A series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep. How would he rate each one? Well for starters, thoughts would be at a four out of ten on his 'Donnie Dream Rating Scale'. Objectively, they're the least painful. Images, three out of ten. He gets to see his brothers again, which is the only upside. They torture him. Sensations, zero out of ten. No room for argument. They're nothing but an uncomfortable knot in his chest that keeps on growing exponentially. 

"Why didn't you come back?" His little brother asks, his voice quiet and serious in a way Mikey never was. Donnie can't get himself to respond.

Even as he awakes in the classroom, his home and lab miles away, the feeling in his chest doesn't go away. It's set in, latched onto his heart. Is he dying? Some sort of heart disease? He can't die, not before getting revenge. Whatever comes after that doesn't matter. But until then, he has to work.

"I can't go back. Not anymore! What- what would April say when she meets her best friends' murderer?! I didn't disable the bomb in time! Hell, I made the bomb and I still couldn't stop it." Donnie scrambles to sit up, facing the nearest almost-sentient thing. His little bot sits in front of him. It tilts its head ever so slightly.

"And do you know the kind of look Dad would give me? He wouldn't say a word. He'd refuse to ever speak to a killer. Or maybe he hasn't even noticed that we're all gone!"

The softshell starts laughing to himself. It's really funny, isn't it? There were so many times he and April talked about death, solely in a pure curiosity what-if scenario. Their discussions were probably why nobody wanted to join them for movie night after a while. But even then, the two always had the same response. Get revenge in the case of murder. This is murder. The blood is on Donatello's hands as much as it is on the Purple Dragons. The robot laughs along with him, a small mechanical giggle. It reminds him of Shelldon.

Shelldon, who was his replacement when he didn't want to hang out with his brothers.

His brothers.

Raph saving him during the Smart Lair events.

Raph saving him during The Incident.

Raph's blood staining his hands.

Leo's and Mikey's on the floor, their bodies nowhere to be seen.

Donnie grabs and opens his laptop, deactivating the program and disabling the robot. He's removing that feature. No reminders. Even his beloved robot Shelldon will only make things worse. The only reminders he allows are the masks donned on his neck. Even then, they choke him. But his brothers aren't breathing, why should he?

His own brothers taunt him in his nightmares. That is a reminder enough. Every time he sees their faces, guilt stabs him in the chest. Why didn't he go back? He hated them. They were willing to change. They looked down on him for years. They were only children. So why did no adult help?

He knows why. It's not like he can even blame his father, either. It was probably hard work raising four boys in hiding, especially ones as rambunctious as him and his brothers. He did the best he could, even though that ended up not being enough. His father still helped, but he never saw everything.

Donnie boots up his computer again, watching as the screen illuminates the room. He pats the deactivated little robot on its head. It's dark, and the school is all but abandoned now. The perfect time to start working. Better to do that than go back to sleep, right? This is more productive anyhow.

"Hey buddy. Let's make some friends for you."