Chapter Text
—They say the war was terrible, that they were lucky to be in the city, the rest of the world destroyed. The founders built a wall to keep them safe, diving them into five groups—factions—to keep the peace. The smart ones, the ones who valued knowledge and logic were in Erudite. They knew everything. Amity farmed the land. They’re all about kindness and harmony, always happy. Candor valued honesty and order. They told the truth, even when you wish they wouldn’t. And then there was Dauntless. They were the protectors, the soldiers and police. Evan always thought they were amazing. Brave, fearless, and free. Evan’s faction was Abnegation. Everyone else called them ‘stiffs.’ They lead a simple life, selfless, dedicated to helping others. They even fed the Factionless, the ones who don’t fit in anywhere. Because they were public servants, they were trusted to run the government. Evan’s father worked alongside their leader, Ramon. It all worked. Everyone knew where they belonged. Everyone except for Evan.—
The day he’d been anticipating his entire life was here, the one that would tell him exactly who he was supposed to be. He’d never been more nervous than now, his entire life left in the hands of one test, one that would change his life—forever.
Evan looked around at the blank walls that surrounded him, the only ones he’d ever known. Another strand of his hair fell from his head, Evan watching as it slowly drifted, swirling in the air as it went.
“You know, I really hate cutting your curls.”
He turned to his sister, nodding in agreement.
It was proper to do at least once every few months, his big sister Maddie always being the one to take on the task. She always lined it up with ‘mirror days’, allowing Evan a peak both before and after cutting it. Being in Abnegation meant that they rejected vanity, thus they never spent much time looking in the mirror, and certainly not every day. It wasn’t like Evan wanted to look at himself anyway; it was just another reminder of how he didn’t fit in.
He had blond hair with baby blue eyes, ones that always reflected a little worn and sad back at him, Evan always flustered by the blotchy mark above his left eye, the ones his parents had scowled at for years. ‘If only you could at least look like one of us, Evan.’
Maddie always told him how beautiful he was, not stopping until he showed signs of believing it; as far as big sisters went, well, Evan was pretty sure he’d gotten the best.
Besides, he wasn’t ever supposed to think of himself, only others. It was something Evan had struggled with his entire life, especially when his presence was the only thing his parents ever seemed to focus on, constantly acting as if he were a nuisance rather than their son. Maddie though, Maddie never let him slip through the cracks. She’d been there for him more times than he could count, always putting herself between him and his parents.
Maddie pulled back then, willing Evan to look up as she slid the mirror open, their eyes meeting in the reflection.
“Are you nervous for tomorrow?”
Evan shook his head. “Nope.”
As Maddie looked him over, Evan added, “are uh, are you?”
“Me? No, I’m terrified.”
They shared a laugh, Maddie never ceasing to steady him.
As she closed the mirror, Maddie held her pinky out, Evan easily taking it with his own.
“We’ve got this, right? You and me brother, always.”
With their pinkies linked, they pulled each other in for a hug, Evan squeezing his sister a little tighter. Depending on what their results showed, they might never see each other again.
Today was the day he would take the test, the one that would tell him which faction he truly belonged in. He was scared that the test would tell him he wasn’t Abnegation, that he’d have to leave Maddie; he was even more scared that it would tell him to stay.
As far as being in Abnegation, it came easy for Maddie, his selfless sister who was always there to step right in, never hesitating to offer a hand. For Evan though, it didn’t come as easily. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help, but rather he was unsure how to. When it came to taking action, Evan acted on instinct, wanting to protect all those he loved and cared about, Maddie always pulling him back; it wouldn’t be very Abnegation of him to start or end a fight.
Tomorrow was the choosing ceremony, where they would decide which faction to start their lives in, the one that would permanently become a part of them.
With his and Maddie’s hair cut, their bland clothing smoothed down, they walked side by side down town to where all the others were, getting in line with their fellow classmates. Today, they would take their aptitude test which would give them one result, one that would determine where they belonged. They were allowed to pick whatever faction no matter the results, but this was supposed to guide them, Evan needing that now more than ever.
Trust the test. The test would tell him who he was and where he belonged.
Was he smart? Kind? Honest? Selfless? ….brave?
As the train rode by, the Dauntless members jumping off it one by one to join them, Evan couldn’t help but to stare, always so mesmerized by them; they were all too brave, something Evan could only ever hope to be.
Once their choice was made, there would be no changes permitted. If it didn’t work out, you’d have to join the Factionless, the ones who didn’t belong anywhere.
The line moved at the pace of a snail, each second pulling Evan further and further in on himself. When they finally came to the hall inside, Maddie reached out to give his pinky one last squeeze, Evan ushered behind a door and into a small room. It appeared to be a medical lab, a single chair sat in the middle, just for him.
The woman inside the room looked to be no nonsense, glancing Evan over before signaling toward the chair, Evan quickly hurrying over to it to sit.
“I’m Athena. I’ll be administering your test today.”
Evan could only nod, too nervous to say anything else.
There was a mirror to his right, a computer and stool next to him.
Athena moved to strap him into the chair, telling him how the test worked; how it was supposed to work. There was a tattoo over her back as she knelt in front of him, Evan unable to keep from staring. His Abnegation clothes kept him in long sleeves and pants twenty-four seven, Evan never showing off his skin, let alone letting someone else place drawings over it; it was fascinating to him.
“You’ll be offered a series of choices. It’s designed to test your aptitude for each faction, until you get one result.”
As Evan sucked in a breath of air, Athena looked him over once more.
“I wouldn’t sweat it kid, 95% get the faction of their origin, and from the looks of you…” The woman trailed off, Evan feeling self-conscious about himself yet again. If he was really meant to be Abnegation, this test would tell him that, and he would accept it. Even so, he couldn’t help but to yearn for something more, something he’d never had.
A glass was handed out to him, Evan immediately questioning what it was. Athena gave him a hardened stare, only giving him two words. “Bottoms up.”
He figured that was as much of an answer as he was going to get, Evan downing the glass, his mind feeling a little fuzzy afterwards.
When he looked to his side, Evan was suddenly alone. Standing from the chair, he looked all around, wandering over to the mirror where he placed his hand against it, studying it over. Next thing he knew, there were hundreds of him, all staring back. Never having looked in a mirror for very long, it was a little startling, to say the least.
As he looked around to all the faces, his faces, Evan met one head on, the figure telling him a simple word: choose. He had no idea what it meant, turning in time to see three different tables, each one displaying a knife. What the hell did he need that for?
His own voice called out to him again. “Choose now. Before it’s too late.”
“Why? What do I need it for?”
His voice wouldn’t tell him anything, insisting he choose. Evan didn’t know why, so he stood there contemplating. A dog growling behind him had him twisting back around, the tables now bear of any knives. It would’ve been nice to know what they were for; not that he would’ve used it on the dog anyway.
Holding his hands out in front, Evan tried to steady both himself and the dog. It didn’t work, the dog eventually snarling and running toward him, nipping him in the process. Evan hissed in pain, turning all around to see where the dog would strike next. Once he had the animal in sight, the beast seeming nowhere near finished with him, Evan lowered himself to the ground, closing his eyes as he went, willing it all to go away. When he opened them again, the dog was now a puppy, whimpering up to him.
Before Evan could get lost in the puppies’ gentle eyes, he was faced with another version of himself, this one much younger. He’d never felt comfortable in his own skin, though when he’d been a child, it’d been more difficult for him to understand why.
The beast was suddenly back again, taking off toward his younger self, Evan instantly running after it, taking the animal down. As he did so, the floor beneath him collapsed, Evan falling down, down, down, eventually waking back in the room with a start, Athena looking him over apprehensively.
Before he knew what was happening, Athena was practically dragging him up and out of the chair. “Get up. We’re going out the back door before my supervisor comes.”
What? He was so confused. What the hell was happening?
“What, what was my result?” Evan asked as Athena continued to drag him out and toward the back door.
As they reached the door, Athena looked around as if someone was going to burst into the room at any minute, lowering her voice as she spoke.
“Listen son, you’re going to tell your family that the serum made you sick, and that I sent you home, understood?”
No, it certainly was not. He felt fine, thank you very much.
As she began to push him toward the door again, Evan hollered out, “wait, wait, wait! What was my result?”
Athena fixed him with a stare. “Abnegation.”
Well, that wasn’t the result he’d been hopping—
“And Erudite. And Dauntless.”
Wait, but that was three—the test was only supposed to give you one. Out of all his results, Evan was stuck on the last one, whispering it out between them.
“Your results were inconclusive kid.”
“That’s-that’s impossible. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“No,” Athena shook her head. “It’s not impossible, just extremely rare.”
His mind was racing. What the hell was he supposed to do?
“It’s called Divergent. You can’t tell anyone, not even your family members.”
Divergent? How the hell was he supposed to keep this from Maddie?
“As far as everyone’s concerned, you received and Abnegation result, because that’s what I manually entered in.”
He wasn’t sure if Athena was trying to help him or not as she continued to try and get rid of him, but she hadn’t called for backup yet, so that had to count for something.
“I-I, we’re supposed to trust the test. It’s supposed to tell us what to do.”
“The test didn’t work on you kid. You have to trust yourself now.”
No pressure at all or anything.
With that, Athena whisked him out the door, quickly shutting it behind him, leaving him more lost than he’d been before walking in there only minutes ago.
Standing in the alleyway, Evan rubbed a hand over his face, trying to still some of his nerves. It did little to help.
Not knowing what else to do or where to go, he went home and got started on dinner; mom and dad were always telling him to make himself useful.
He was grateful when Maddie arrived home first, though nervous for the questions she was going to ask, one’s he knew he couldn’t; hell, he wouldn’t even know where to start.
“What happened to you today? Where’d you go after your test?”
Evan tried to appear indifferent, shrugging his shoulders casually.
“I got sick, so uh, they sent me home.”
Maddie studied him over for a minute; if she didn’t believe him, she didn’t say.
“Were you able to finish your test at least?”
“Mmhmm.”
Maddie came up next to him then, raising her brows expectantly.
“So, what were your results?”
Evan looked to her with a mischievous smile as he answering back with, “what were yours?”
She playfully swatted him, the two working together to finish prepping dinner, their parents’ home all too soon. Once the table was set, they gathered around it, only the faint glow of the candlelight surrounding them; it was all they needed, nothing more.
“Why did you just leave?” His father asked, glaring over to Evan.
“I um, it made me sick. So, they-they told me to go home.”
It was harder to lie to his parents. He’d been under their scrutiny for the last eighteen years, never knowing what mood they were going to be in.
“Evan,” his mother started, immediately setting him on edge for how she said his name. “I don’t think you understand the level of scrutiny we’re under here. They’re doing everything they can to discredit us right now, and we don’t need you making a spectacle of yourself.”
“What uh, who’s doing that?”
“Erudite,” his father said a little absently.
Apparently, they thought that they should be the governing faction.
“We need to be smart right now, no more of your childish antics Evan. It’s time to grow up.” At his mothers’ words, Maddie discreetly reached over to squeeze his hand in reassurance.
His mother scoffed then. “Even Ramon is under scrutiny.”
Ramon? He was their leader, the one they followed and trusted with everything.
“What ah, what for?”
Silence filtered around them then, Evan and Maddie exchanging a look before his mother, Margret, finally answered with a wave of her hand.
“It’s an old accusation. Ludacris, honestly. Something about him kicking his son out before the choosing ceremony, leaving him to the Factionless.”
Evan gulped; he was surprised his parents hadn’t tried the same thing. Having him around probably gave them something to do; who else would they have to pick on and ignore if not for him?
His parents didn’t believe the accusations for a second, completely writing them off. Evan on the other hand, couldn’t seem to shake them.
As he and Maddie washed the dishes after, their parents came in, looking between them. “Evan,” there it was, that tone again. “Be quick in here, you’re going to need all the rest you can get. Don’t want you making any mistakes up there tomorrow.”
He had no idea what that was supposed to mean. The test was supposed to choose for them. It had failed him, his parents now expecting him to make some sort of decision he had no insight on.
While their father, Philip stood between them, Margret moved toward Maddie, bringing her in for a hug. “We are so proud of you dear. I just know you’ll continue to make us proud at the ceremony tomorrow.”
They both hugged Maddie, eyeing Evan carefully as they passed him.
“Remember son, don’t make us look bad. We can’t afford it, and neither can you.”
As soon as they were out of sight, Evan dropped the sponge to the sink, letting himself lean into it, Maddie next to him in a rush.
“Hey, don’t listen to them. You make me proud every day Evan.” When Maddie used his name, it was gentle, loving; it didn’t make him flinch away like when his parents said it.
“What if—what if I fuck up tomorrow Mads? I…what if I don’t make the right choice?”
Maddie sympathized with him, bringing her pinky up, Evan tangling them together.
“No matter what, we’ll always have each other. I’ll still love you no matter what choice you make.”
Evan really hoped that was true. He was so tired of being lost, of feeling like a disappointment. After tomorrow, he wouldn’t be the same Evan anymore—he couldn’t be.
~
Last night had been a restless one, Evan barely sleeping. Between the results he’d gotten yesterday, and the choice he had to make today, his head was buzzing, flying from one thought to the next.
As they sat at the choosing ceremony now—Evan thankfully sat on the end, Maddie right next to him with their parents on the other side of her— he tried not to fidget too much in his seat, though it was nearing on impossible, his nerves completely on edge.
The auditorium was full to the brim, each section divided into the five different factions. They were all called up one by one to make their choice, moving to sit with their respective faction once they had.
Evan watched as they went up one by one, confidently picking their choice. Well, he assumed they were confident, the majority of them not seeming to hesitate to pick up the knife and cut a small slit into the palm of their hand, letting their blood fall onto the respective coals.
Unfortunately, their last name started with the letter ‘B’, Evan knowing he didn’t have much time to think things over. He’d thought about it last night, ran through all the possibilities, and still—he didn’t know where he belonged.
Maddie was called before him, Evan thanking whoever was looking out for him that someone had messed up the order; that’s what he told himself, though the announcer made a statement that he’d forgotten Evan, ‘didn’t see his name the first time.’ Whatever, he didn’t care; he would take whatever excuse gave him more time.
Just before standing, Maddie smiled over to him, reaching out to squeeze his arm as she mouthed, ‘love you. See you soon.’ He hoped that was true. Their parents hugged her next, Evan watching as Maddie made her way down to the podium, and up toward the bowls. His sister didn’t hesitate to pick up the knife, quickly making the cut before she lifted her hand, raising it over the bowl and letting her blood drop in. Erudite.
Well, that certainly hadn’t been what Evan was expecting.
Evan didn’t dare look over to his parents, thinking instead of the interaction they’d had just before taking their seats.
They’d run into the leader for Erudite, Claudette Collins. Evan had only ever heard of her, but knew she held some high power. His parents talked with her of the problems happening concerning Erudite, Claudette assuring them she would look into it. She’d then introduced herself to both him and Maddie, his big sister taking the lead, introducing him when he’d froze up. She’d told them they had a big choice to make, Evan stupidly saying that it wasn’t supposed to be a choice; after all, the test was supposed to help them decide. Claudette claimed that she wanted them to choose who they truly were, that she just knew their parents would support whatever choice they made. Evan had laughed to himself; this lady clearly didn’t know a damn thing about him and his family.
“Evan Buckley.”
He was snapped out of his thoughts by his name being called aloud, Evan having no one left to rely on now that Maddie was gone. He made the mistake of looking toward his parents, the two keeping their faces straight ahead, not even pretending to care about him in front of the crowd.
Closing his eyes, Evan took in a deep breath before making his way down the steps, grateful when he didn’t trip. Stood in front of the bowls, Evan picked up the knife. It was easy to make the cut, Evan holding his fist tightly to keep the blood in. He looked from one to the next, his mind racing.
You don’t fit in. The test didn’t work on you. You’re Divergent.
He could go with the easy choice, the one that would leave him stuck with his parents. He shook his head; even if he stayed with Abnegation, he’d never get the respect of his parents. Moving on, he looked to Erudite, the blood dripping lower from his open wound. Erudite was the obvious choice, the one that would keep him with Maddie. Even so, it wasn’t what he wanted; he wouldn’t fit in there, and he knew it.
Moving his hand over the bowl that he’d been honed in on the entire time, Evan opened his clenched fist, watching as a single drop of his blood ran down, igniting the coals. Dauntless.
It was the first time he felt like he’d made the right decision, like he was on the path to something more.
Ignoring his parents horrified stares, he found Maddie’s, his sister smiling proudly as ever to him. Taking his seat with the Dauntless, Evan settled in, waiting for the ceremony to be over.
With the last name called, Evan followed his new faction out, everyone running together, the fresh air welcoming.
When they came to a large bridge that stood above them, Evan watched in awe as everyone began climbing up the beams, not stopping until they reached the top. With only a moment of hesitation, Evan found himself following along, shimming up the large pole, landing at the top with an umph.
The first person he saw was a girl about Maddie’s age, one who had a smile full of sunshine, large glasses framing her face. He couldn’t help but to smile over to her, watching as a train came rolling up on the tracks. As the train passed them by, Evan watched as everyone began jumping onto it. The train was moving, no slowing down. It passed him in a whoosh, Evan finally moving his feet and following along, trying to reach one of the open train cars. Nothing in his past life had prepared him for this; they’d been nicknamed ‘stiffs’ for a reason.
Finally, his hand grasped onto the edge of the door, Evan swinging his body in, all but landing in the girl’s lap, the one with the big glasses. She smiled over to him, easily introducing herself. “I’m Henrietta, but everyone just calls me Hen.” Oh, he liked that. Evan wished he had a cool name to introduce himself by. Instead, he gave her the only name he’d ever known, Hen smiling for it anyway.
He let his breathing catch up to him as they sat there, everyone littered all around. They hadn’t been on the train that long when a voice called out, “get ready.”
Ready? Ready for what?
A boy that stood to their right clicked his gum, looking over to them through his sunglasses. “To jump.”
Jump…as in, off the train?
Sure enough, Evan watched as the other teens on the train started bailing off, jumping from the train to a steep ledge. If you didn’t make the landing, well, you’d be doing a whole lot worse than the Factionless.
Hen and the guy with the gum looked to Evan. “Jump together?” They each nodded their heads, the three of them moving to the back of the car to get a running start, all of them moving at full speed before launching themselves out of the train car, landing on the building with a thud. It was both exhilarating and utterly terrifying to Evan; he couldn’t wait to do it again.
His jacket ripped from where he’d fell, his skin scraping because of it. Evan rubbed at it as he got up, a voice hollering out to them.
“Alright, everyone listen up. I’m Jonah, one of your leaders.”
The guy had tattoos down his neck, a piercing just above his eyebrow, large studs in his ear. Evan thought the look was cool, sure, but something about him was off-putting, Evan unable to put his finger on exactly what.
Jonah pointed down to an open space between them, one that sat between two buildings. There was a large hole down below; it was anyone’s guess what laid beneath it.
“If you want to enter Dauntless, this is the way in. If you don’t have the guts to jump, then you don’t belong here.”
Evan was already tingling with excitement, anticipation settling in.
One of his other teammates he’d heard called Doug, asked if there was water down below, Jonah not giving anything away. It was like he said, either you jump, or you joined the Factionless.
Hen looked over to him, shaking her head. “We just jumped, and now they want us to do it again?” Evan only shrugged his shoulders; her guess was as good as his.
“So,” Jonah said, looking around to each of them, “who’s gonna go first?”
Everyone looked around to each other, no one wanting to step forward and be the first.
“Me.”
The words were out of Evan before he really knew what he was saying, all eyes on him.
Jonah jumped down from where he’d been standing, Evan making his way over to the ledge, staring down. All he could see was an opening below, nothing else in sight. Removing his jacket, Evan heard Doug holler over to him. “Yea stiff take it off!”
Evan ignored the guy, continuing with his ministrations. He’d been picked and prodded on his entire life; this wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.
Moving to stand on the edge as Jonah had been only moments ago, Evan stood there looking down, contemplating. There was always the chance he could fall to his death, that there was nothing down there to catch him. On the off chance there was something more though, Evan knew he had to take it.
“Today initiate.”
Ignoring Jonah’s unamused words, Evan closed his eyes, taking in a breath before he stepped off, letting himself fall forward.
He would be lying if he said he had expected there to be a net below to catch him. He breathed a few sighs of relief, laughing a little for how ridiculous the whole ordeal had been. He laid there for a minute, taking it all in, suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when the net was pulled down, Evan sliding right to the edge. There, next to the net, were golden brown eyes, ones Evan was so close to he could see flecks of green in them. They were the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen, the boy baring them even prettier.
He hoped the flush on his face didn’t show, the guy looking him over carefully.
“You get pushed or something?”
Evan shook his head, no doubt a dorky smile pressing across his lips.
“Nope.”
Without another word, strong hands came around his waist, the guy lifting Evan up and off the net, carefully placing him onto the ground. As soon as the hands left his side, Evan felt a weird emptiness, his body instantly craving the other boy’s touch.
“What’s your name?”
“It’s Ev—”
He found himself suddenly at a loss for words; he didn’t want to be Evan anymore, the kid who was a constant disappointment to his parents; a waste of space.
“Is it a hard one?”
Evan shrugged, stuttering further.
Instead of yelling at him like his parents would have, the guy simply said, “You can pick a new one if you want, but make it good. You don’t get to pick again.”
He had no idea why this guy was letting him pick a new name, but he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.
“Ok it’s uh…”
He wracked his brain, trying to come up with something good, yet something that fit him. He wanted a name that belonged to him, one no one could ever take away.
“My name’s Buck.”
It wasn’t quite his first name or his last, but rather something in between, Evan—Buck— fitting right into it.
The guy pursed his eyes for a minute, genuinely approving of his choice before calling out, “First jumper, Buck!”
The way he said his name made Buck’s cheeks flush once more, the guy officially welcoming him before stepping away. He couldn’t help the smile that covered his face, Buck going to stand with his new teammates. Everyone else came down one by one, all of them gathering together once they were all safely on their feet again. Much to Buck’s liking, the Dauntless born went with Jonah, the rest of them getting to stay with pretty boy, his voice even more entrancing.
“Most of the time I work in intelligence, but during your training, I’ll be your instructor.”
The thought alone made Buck giddy. He couldn’t wait to spend the next several weeks with this guy, listening to his silvery voice, getting lost on his every word.
“My name’s Four.”
Four.
Buck repeated the name in his head like a mantra, only getting knocked out of his head when his teammate with the long blonde hair chuckled allowed. “Four like the number?”
Four didn’t falter, nodding his head. “Exactly like the number.”
The girl laughed some more. “What, one through three were taken?”
Four was once again unphased, asking for the girl’s name.
“Lena.”
“Well, Lena,” Four said stepping right into her space. “Unless you want to find out what happened to the other three, I suggest you keep quiet and listen up, understood?”
Lena nodded, pushing out a small ‘yes,’ in answer. She looked like she wanted to talk back though thought better of it, Buck silently thanking her for it. He wasn’t looking to lose any of his teammates this early on.
They all followed Four then, moving down a series of steps, finally arriving in a large room, one that was vibrating with music, filled to the brim with people. It was called The Pit, the center of life there at Dauntless. It was unlike anything Buck had seen before, Four continuing the tour, showing them where they’d be sleeping for the next several weeks. It was one large room scattered with beds all about, communal bathrooms in the next room over. It was all new to Buck as he’d lived in a house with only his immediate family his entire life. It was oddly exciting to him, Buck always wanting to have a big family he could hang out and be with. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so alone.
They were all instructed to change after that, Four leaving them too it. Buck felt a little self-conscious as he slipped from his clothes, no privacy to be had anywhere around them. Being in Dauntless meant that you were supposed to be strong, powerful—Buck was neither of those things.
They didn’t work out like the Dauntless, weren’t supposed to care about fitness or appearances, but as he looked down to his smaller body, his muscles barely developed, he wondered for the first time since he’d made his decision if it had been the right one.
Even so, he felt comfortable in the leather clothing, the pants and jacket fitting snugly to him, making him feel more at peace, centered.
They made their way back to The Pit, the overwhelming feeling creeping in once more. Everyone stared at the new recruits, Buck suddenly feeling self-conscious in his outfit.
He stayed close to Hen, them and a couple others looking around for a place to sit, every table seeming more crowded than the next. His eyes landed on Four, the table with the most available seats.
“How about there?”
Hen and the others looked at him as though he’s suddenly grown three heads, though there weren’t really any other options, the lot of them finally moving along to sit down, Buck ending up right next to Four, Hen on his other side. He quickly learned a few of his other teammate’s names, the gum guy being Chimney, who was from Candor. Hen was from Erudite, another guy who was a little younger than them, Ravi, coming from there as well. Lena was from Amity, the annoying guy, Doug having come from Dauntless.
“I don’t wanna hear about your old factions. You’re Dauntless now.”
All their chatter came to a halt as Four spoke out, Buck looking over to him directly. He seemed like a no-nonsense type guy, Buck aching to press a few of those tight buttons.
“Were you a transfer too, or uh, or Dauntless born?”
He got that look from his teammates again, all of them looking away; clearly, he was on his own here.
“Are you kidding?”
It was wasn’t quite a question, though Buck found himself answering anyway; he wasn’t done pushing the guy’s buttons.
“No.”
Four fixed him with a stare, one that seeped right into him, Buck all but melting under it.
“What makes you think you can talk to me?”
Buck looked Four over a little in challenge, his tone going from shy to cocky.
“It…must be because you’re so approachable.”
A few of his teammates smirked, Buck looking to Four a few moments more before turning away, the guys stare almost too much for him to handle.
“Careful.”
It was said under Four’s breath, Buck clearly the only intended target for it. He had no idea what it meant, Buck finding himself shivering for the words.
One of the others in charge came over to get Four, leaving Buck alone with the other new recruits.
“You my friend, have a death wish,” Chimney said, shaking his head. Ravi added, “I heard the guy was top of his class. They tried to recruit him twice for leadership, but he said no.”
That didn’t really add up to Buck. If you were top of the class, why wouldn’t you want to take your obvious roll in leadership? Buck sure knew he wouldn’t waste an opportunity like that.
“Maybe he just doesn’t want to. I mean we don’t really know the guy,” Hen offered, trying to throw off less judgement.
“Yea maybe,” Buck said. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or the others.
“You could always give him a few pointers, Stiff.”
All their eyes turned down the table, down to the one who just didn’t seem to fit in among them. Buck’s eyes landed on Doug, neither of them looking away. Doug was one of those pretty boys, but not in the same way Four was. The guy lacked mystery, protruding arrogance, his face one of those you just wanted to slap. Whoever Doug was, Buck didn’t trust him, and he didn’t think any of the other initiates did either. He wasn’t a stiff anymore, wasn’t some scared helpless kid who couldn’t defend himself from his parents.
He was Dauntless now—Buck. And Buck, he didn’t back down.
~
Thankfully Buck had been too worn out to think much of his new sleeping arrangement, passing out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. He’d centered himself between, Hen, Chim, Ravi and Lena, grateful that Doug was on the other side of the room. He didn’t trust that guy during the day, and certainly not while he slept.
They were awoken to a loud banging sound some hours later, Buck groaning as he rolled over and dug his head further under his pillow. He’d never been a morning person, Maddie often having to drag him out of bed before their parents could notice his absence; that only seemed to happen when they needed him to do something like household chores or shopping.
“Rise and shine. I want everyone in The Pit. Two minutes.”
At the sound of Four’s voice echoing through the room, Buck lifted his head up, just catching as the other boy headed back up the stairs. What was that saying? You hated to see them go, but loved to watch them leave? Yea, Four was a little something like that.
Stretching his long limbs as he stood, Buck dressed back in his leather jacket and matching pants, strapping on his boots after. He stood tall in them, not just for his long ass legs, but the outfit made him feel taller, brave.
He followed the others up and into The Pit, all of them looking around curiously. They all gathered around, Four front and center.
“There are two stages of training. The first is physical. The second, is mental. You’ll be pushed to your breaking point with each.”
Buck knew he could pass the mental part; he’d been playing that game for years. It was the physical part that worried him.
“You’ll face your worst fears and conquer them—unless they get you first.”
There were a few gulping sounds at that, Buck trying to keep his composure. He didn’t want anyone to see him as week, especially Four. Thankfully they were going to be trained separately from the Dauntless-born, though they were both going to be ranked together. It didn’t quite seem fair, those having been in Dauntless their whole life having the upper hand, but Buck tried not to let the thought weigh him down; he had enough of those floating around as it was.
Four walked in front of them with such an authority and confidence, Buck only able to dream of being half the man he portrayed.
“After initiations, ranking will determine what jobs you move to.”
There was leadership, which was what his father did with their government. Then there was guarding the fence—making sure no one went out of bounds where they weren’t supposed to be; danger lurked on the other side. And finally, keeping the Factionless from killing each other; when you had nothing to lose, things tended to get a little more cut and dry.
“The rankings will also determine who gets cut.”
At Jonah’s voice, their other leader, they all turned to him, a little wide-eyed.
“Cut?” Hen asked, all of them silently asking the same.
Jonah stood then, moving toward them with emphasis, his arms bare of clothing, covered with tattoos; he didn’t look like someone you wanted to fuck with.
Maybe that’s what Four had mean when he’d said: careful.
“At the end of each stage, the lowest-ranking initiates will be leaving us.”
“To do what?” Lena questioned.
“Well,” Jonah started, looking around to all of them. “There’s no going home to your families. You’d be factionless.”
That was never a rule. Once you joined a faction, you were a part of it.
Everyone began to chatter then, questioning why they weren’t made aware of this, and why this new rule had been instated.
“If you’re really one of us, it won’t matter if you fail. You chose us. Now we get to choose you.”
Jonah all but snarled his words out, Buck trying not to recoil from them. It wasn’t even as if Jonah wanted them to become members of Dauntless, but rather that he wanted to weed out the weak in general. If Four had anything to say about that, he didn’t show it, his focus ahead, not looking to anything in particular.
It didn’t seem as though any of them had a choice. They were stuck here now. Either they made it or they didn’t.
Buck wasn’t looking to become Factionless anytime soon. He was ready to put in the work, no matter what it took.
~
The next days were filled with all sorts of training, all of it new and exciting for Buck. He’d never really gotten to let loose like this, always confined by his several garments, not allowed to make a spectacle of himself. They were given weapons to carry around, a knife always tucked near the bottom of their pants, guns held securely in their hands or at their sides.
Because of the way he was brought up, Buck often felt himself falling behind, having to work twice as hard as anyone else. This was probably why people didn’t make the jump from Abnegation to Dauntless, but Buck had never backed down from a challenge. Well, not unless Maddie pulled him away at least.
Four showed them how to run, shoot, and spar, each one seeming more challenging than the next. Watching Four in the makeshift ring was entrancing. He moved so effortlessly across the mat, always anticipating each and every move. The guy was so focused, Buck wanting nothing more than to break it and get in his line of sight. Buck didn’t want to just be the best. He wanted people to notice it too, wanted Four to see him, the real him.
As he aimed his gun at the target, missing for the millionth time in the row, Chimney eyed him from where he stood next to him. “You know kid, statistically speaking, you should’ve at least hit the target by now, even if only by accident.”
Yea Buck knew; statistics and random facts were probably his favorite thing to research in his downtime, Buck having kept his face in books most of his life to ignore everything happening around him.
They continued on with their running after that, Four stopping next to one of their leaders, all of them looking down to the crowd of people—the Factionless. Doug’s elbow harshly knocked into him, a snarky grin spreading across his face. “Better get a good look Stiff, that’s gonna be your new family.” Buck glowered at him, about to say something back when Hen gave him a shake of her head, moving a little closer to his side. It reminded him of Maddie, how his big sister always took care of him. He missed her so much, and Hen was right—making a scene with this jackass wasn’t going to get him anywhere.
Following Four back around, they made their way inside and to the different mats, sparing off with partners, Buck trying to learn all the mechanics of moving your arms back and forth in a fighting manner. Chim was across from him, giving him tips and pointers as they went, Buck soaking it all in just as he did the words from his books. He tried to stay focused, not getting lost on the fact that Four was watching them, no doubt keeping track of who was the weakest.
“First jumper. In the ring.”
Everyone stopped what they were doing, Buck turning to see Jonah stood there next to Four, waiting. Chim lightly tapped his fist into Buck’s “You got this Buckaroo. Knock em’ dead.”
He wasn’t sure when that nickname of his already shortened name had started, but Buck accepted it, smiling a little giddily anytime it was said.
As he made his way over to the larger matts, Jonah called out the person he’d be sparing with, Buck stopping dead in his tracks.
Doug.
The guy was shorter than him sure, but it was obvious from his upbringing in Dauntless that he’d grown much muscle, the guy flexing as he made his way toward the mat. Doug walked with a sure confidence that Buck highly lacked, his arrogance still protruding.
He stepped onto the mat, Doug doing the same, Buck trying to gage what his first move would be. Doug looked over to Jonah then, asking, “how long do we fight for?”
“Until one of you can’t continue,” Jonah answered, Four quickly following it up with, “or one of you concedes.”
See, Buck knew he liked Four better, for several reasons.
“According to the old rules,” Jonah said. “New rules, no one concedes.”
Buck listened intently as Four and Jonah shared a little banter back and forth, Four saying something to Jonah about how he should be lucky those weren’t the rules when they fought.
Huh. Buck was definitely going to have to store that tid-bit of information for later.
Jonah didn’t back down, simply telling them they’d be scored on this before telling them to get on with it.
Raising his elbow out in front, Buck formed his other hand into a fist, mirroring Doug’s stance. As Doug moved toward him, Buck kept his arms in position while moving his body back. Unfortunately, he kept going, Buck’s feet hitting the cool concrete as he stepped from the mat.
Gathering himself, Buck got back onto the mat, Doug swinging at him in an instant. Buck was able to dodge it, ducking down low, spinning around the guy. When Buck took his turn at a swing next, he missed, Doug’s fist connecting with the side of his head instead. Much to his parent’s dismay, it wasn’t the first time he’d been hit, Buck quickly righting himself. He grabbed for Doug at the middle, getting in a few good hits before Doug was taking him down with another punch to the face, knocking Buck to the mat. As Buck went to get back up, Doug was right there, a sinister smile on his face before his fist wound up, slugging Buck right below his eye, sending him sailing back down. Buck really didn’t like whatever these new rules were that Jonah was implementing.
Next thing he knew, his friends were helping pick him up off the ground, an icepack placed to his face. Yea, he was definitely going to be sore for the next little while.
A board on wheels was suddenly being rolled out, one that displayed all their names, Buck squinting at it with his good eye. The top read: Initiate Ranks, each of their names listed below in numerical order. The board was divided into two sections, the top names in white, the ones below in red.
Jonah looked to all of them with an unimpressed stare.
“You’re graded every day here. If you’re still in the red by the end of the first stage, you’re out.”
The top half went up until the number twenty-one, Buck’s name listed at thirty-two; he was never going to make it.
He told Hen as much later when they were back in their quarters, Buck sitting on his bed, feeling a little defeated.
“I’m the weakest one here.”
It wasn’t true, they both knew it—there were several names under him—Hen sympathizing with him anyway.
“Well, then you’ll be most improved.”
He wasn’t sure about it, giving her a half smile, Hen reaching out to squeeze his shoulder.
“I think my parents would take me back, if I didn’t make it, I mean,” Ravi said, the kid not faring much above Buck on the list.
Lena shook her head. “That’s not how it works. Even if they wanted to, their faction wouldn’t allow it.”
It was a painful truth, one they were all facing, especially Buck.
“Even if my parents would take me back, I wouldn’t belong there anymore.”
Everyone turned their eyes on him, Buck sighing out heavily. His parents would never take him back, that much he was sure of, but even if they did, Buck knew it wouldn’t feel right. He didn’t belong there; never had.
Chim stood from his cot, looking around to all of them as he rubbed his hands together. “Well, this is getting depressing. Let’s go get tattoos.”
Tattoos?
Everyone nodded in agreement, standing from their bunks, Buck moving to do the same. Getting himself permanently inked had never crossed his radar, though he’d always been fascinated every time he saw one of the Dauntless, the artwork curving around their bodies just so.
As they entered the shop, Buck first noted the dark atmosphere, followed by the loud dance music, different artist littered all around. There were pieces of glass hung about, each one holding a different design. What really caught his eye though? Toward the back, at one of the stations, Buck spotted the woman who had single handedly upended his life, only weeks ago.
He casually made his way from the others, none of them really noticing for how engrossed they were in picking a design, Buck slipping toward the back. When he was close enough, he called out to her.
“Athena?”
The woman turned to greet him, her smile quickly turning to dread.
“You-you remember me, right?”
It was obvious she did, Buck not knowing what else to say.
‘Hey remember when you told me my results were inconclusive and that I’m Divergent and I’ve been totally freaking out ever since?’
Yea, that seemed a little strong, even for him.
“I was just-just wondering if you could—”
“No. I just do tattoos.”
She cut him off with finality, Buck stood there not knowing what to do for a minute.
He started to step away, moving back when something caught his eye. He reached for the glass, letting his fingers run over the design. Well, he was Dauntless now, and they had come here to get tattoos.
As he began to step toward Athena again, he spotted another one, grabbing it up as well.
“I’d like to get these ones, please.”
He handed out the designs, Athena looking him over a few moments before finally taking them and ushering him to sit in the chair, Buck removing his shirt before doing so.
One patch was placed over the left side of his chest, the other around his right arm, just below his elbow. As Athena got to work, Buck took his chance, hoping she wouldn’t shut him down again.
“Can I just ask—”
“You made a mistake choosing Dauntless.”
Well, at least they were getting somewhere.
“They’ll find out about you here.”
“Who will?”
Why did anyone care whether he was Divergent or not?
“Society. You don’t fit into a category, son, they can’t control you.”
Oh.
Buck had always known he didn’t fit in; he’d just never known true that was.
“Whatever. I’m Dauntless. I’m going to be Dauntless.”
No one was going to take that away from him, no matter how much work he had to put in.
“For your sake kid, I sure hope so.”
Athena pulled back the patch from his chest, removing the one from his arm next. She ushered him to the mirror, Buck looking his frame over. It was still weird to look at himself without any restrictions, but even weirder to see his body filled out, little muscles lining his once flat chest. Looking up, Buck found the first design across his chest, two birds looking like they were flying off of him. Around him arms were two bands, the space in the middle unfilled.
They looked good, made him feel strong, brave.
Athena nodded to him before ushering another customer over, closing off their conversation. He hadn’t gotten all the answers he desired, but he was starting to feel a little more like he belonged, and not just because of the tattoos.
~
Instead of letting himself give up, or be weak like everyone expected, Buck began putting in the work, training before everyone else got up, and long into the night once everyone else had gone to bed. He saw Four pass him a few times on his solo spars, the other boy not saying anything, just giving that intense stare of his, Buck trying not to shiver under the heat of it.
He did everything he could to help strengthen himself, hitting the punching bag over and over, running to keep up with his endurance. He practiced shooting the gun and aiming at the target, cheering like a maniac when one of the bullets finally connected. It was even better when his efforts began to show, Buck quickly moving up the ranks. He still wasn’t quite above the red line, but he was improving himself every day. He was becoming Dauntless.
They were all together this morning, Buck’s hands punching against the bag rhythmically. Punch, punch, guard, punch, punch, guard. He said it like a mantra, never letting himself waver no matter how tired he became. His knuckles were battered and bruised, Buck taking it as a sing he was becoming a true warrior.
He could feel that heated stare on him, Buck letting himself lose focus for one swift second, turning to see those dark browns boring right into him, Four closer than he ever remembered. With a quick clear of his throat, Buck got back to work. Punch, punch, guard, punch, punch, guard.
“You’re weak. You have no muscle.”
It was a harsh truth, one Buck had been denying for weeks. While he’d been gaining both mass and muscle, he was still just starting out. All of the other initiates had come here already having stronger bodies, Buck having to work twice as hard as all of them. So, while Four’s words stung, he wasn’t wrong.
Buck kept up his movements, not letting his weakness show. Four circled around him, Buck suddenly feeling naked under his stare.
“You’re never gonna win. Not like that.”
Gee, thanks for pointing out all the obvious. The words weren’t anything Buck hadn’t already told himself.
“Well, that’s good to know,” Buck said a little mockingly.
Four stayed neutral as ever. “You’re gonna have to use your whole body.”
Without warning, Four’s hands came around his waist, Buck immediately turning into the touch. “You need to keep tension here.”
Well, there was certainly a lot of tension, just not in his abs per say.
“Ah, ok.”
“You need to go on offense,” Four said, not removing his hands from Buck’s waist.
Buck could hardly breathe, tightening his stomach where Four’s hands rested. Well, at least he was doing what the guy asked.
“You’re fast, so you could win if you attack first.”
“You been watching me?”
The words were out before Buck could stop them, those rich browns now looking directly into his hazy blues. Four’s grip around him tightened, Buck flexing impulsively, only pushing them closer together.
Someone called out to Four, the other boy finally breaking their trance to look back over his shoulder. Buck stood there frozen in place, his eyes glued to the back of Fours neck. There were two lines of a tattoo sticking out from it, Buck’s fingers itching to reach out and brush across the them. He silently wondered what the rest of the tattoo was, the lines seeming to stretch down his back. Four eventually turned back to him, fixing him with that burning stare once more.
“Keep working.”
There was an intentional squeeze to his sides before Four pulled away, Buck releasing a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. As he continued his movements, his limbs now feeling a little jello-like, Buck couldn’t help but to feel the phantom touch of Four’s hands, reaching his own down at one point to rub over his sides. It was nothing, he told himself. Four gave all of his initiates purposeful touches and insider tips, right?
As Four headed down the Cordier, Buck got back to work, only stopping again when he heard two of his teammates going at it. He turned to see Ravi and Doug in the middle of the mat, Doug overpowering Ravi in a minute, his punches sending the younger boys right to the ground.
As Ravi hit the ground again, he lifted his bloodied knuckles to help shield his face, his voice all but breathless. “Stop. Stop. I’m done.” Ravi coughed a few times, Buck wanting to go over and help him up, thinking better of it when Jonah stepped in.
They all stopped what they were doing to watch, Jonah reaching out a hand to help Ravi up. It seemed like an innocent enough gesture, Buck making to get back to work when Jonah called out to them. “Alright, everyone take a break!”
Buck looked to the other initiates, all of them seeming just as confused as he was. Maybe Jonah was turning a new leaf.
Jonah led them toward the chasm and to the bridge that sat above it, no one saying a word. Just as Jonah stepped foot onto it, he grabbed Ravi and hauled him over the edge. While one of Ravi’s hands grabbed onto the railing, Jonah held onto the other, the boy’s body hanging freely in the air. Everyone gasped, Buck ready to run full speed ahead.
Jonah told Ravi to grab onto the rail, or not, before letting go, Ravi thankfully grabbing on tightly to the metal with his other hand.
While everyone else stood back, Jonah stood in the center of the bridge, his tone condescending.
“You’ve got three options. Hang there, and I’ll forget your cowardice. Fall and die. Or, give up.”
They all knew what the latter meant. Ravi would be Factionless, on his own; at least he would still be alive with that option.
Ravi grunted as his body became heavy beneath him, Buck desperately wanting to run to him, Hen and Chims grip on either side of him the only thing keeping him back. So much for Jonah having turned a new leaf.
“C’mon Ravi!”
At his callout, Jonah gave him a stern look, Buck not caring in the least. The metal creaked as Ravi grunted and fought for his life, the water speeding along beneath him. Buck had no idea how many minutes or seconds passed, only that when Jonah called time, Buck was the first to reach Ravi, the rest of his teammates helping to pull him up. They checked him over, pulling him in close, making sure he was secure.
Jonah didn’t seem to care in the least. “Dauntless never give up.” He left them alone after that, Buck realizing who’d been missing, the person he always seemed to be keeping an eye out for these days.
Something told Buck that if Four was here, things would’ve never gotten to this point. Those words of his echoed in Buck’s mind once more.
Careful.
~