Chapter Text
Tommy thought he would never have a soulmate. Strong start, but keep with it. Tommy was almost positive because he was the only one in his family to not have one. Ok sure, that's a bit of a leap in logic but it made sense to Tommy. He gets that not everyone has a soulmate or a person soul bonded to them, but so many people everywhere have at least 1 person they are soul bonded to, either family or a friend. Being soul bonded with someone is the closest thing you could possibly be either romantically or platonically. It shows how much love and dedication you feel--or will feel--for each other and how it will only continue to grow in the future. And don’t get him wrong, he loves his family but there is just something that happened on his 8th birthday that changed the way they acted towards him.
On his 8th birthday he was supposed to get a soul mark, or multiple, once he met people who his life would be tangled with and their bonds would never break or separate. When a soulmark appears, it appears when both people are above the age of 8 and have met. Sometimes it takes time for it to develop after meeting, maybe once they finally mean something to one another or right as they meet. But when it appears it is something that shows the strength and closeness of the relationship and bond they share, or how they will eventually, together. How you will impact each other's lives for the better.
When Tommy was small, all he could think of was how his mark would look and how theirs would look on him. Every mark varies in little ways depending on the person. Phil’s marks are intricate with dark and vibrant colors giving them more depth. Techno’s were sharp deep outlines with the smallest details showing with muted colors that made it seem like you were looking at it in the deep ocean. And Wilbur’s had soft thin outlines that were more simplified yet much more vibrant of colors, they looked almost like professional paintings on his skin than a soul mark but still vibrant and colorful enough to be a tad cartoony, it was a strange mixture that kinda just worked.
His dad and siblings all connected with one another. His dad’s soul marks were an intricate image of a crow skull surrounded by overgrowth on his left shoulder of someone who when Tommy always asked about Phil’s eyes would get distant and his face would grow wistful saying they were someone special. On his ribs he had a detailed sword draped in golden chains and beautiful jewels, planted through the ground with a golden crown next to it. That one was Tommy’s brother, Techno. And the last one his dad had was on his lower back, it was a beautiful colorful quill that was writing through spilled ink lyrical symbols that when actually played on an instrument was a peaceful and infinitely repeating song that never got old. That one was of his brother, Wilbur.
Wilbur had a mark for Phil and Techno. Phil’s was a crow perched on a tree branch, the colors made it look like it was facing the sunset making shine, it was on Wilbur’s right shoulder. Techno’s was of a sword in its sheath half pulled out and a bright red cloak hanging off of the handle of the sword, the colors were less blended making it look kind of like a sketch but it was still beautiful, the colors had a tint of dark blue and bright white like the moon was shining down on it. Techno’s was on his left outer thigh.
Techno had one of Phil and Wilbur. Phil’s mark was a crow soaring in the sky, wind in its feathers as it held a human bone in its beak. The colors were dark and gray with hints of muted red making it look dangerous and bloody. It was located on Techno middle back. And Wilbur’s was a pen that had burst with ink from it’s tip on a piece of paper, covering portions of a written sheet of music with ink puddles. When the music notes that were visible were played it sounded incomplete and choppy deep and brooding. The location was on Technoblade’s right calf.
Tommy didn’t get one from them, and they didn’t get one from him. He remembers his 8th birthday vividly. He woke up, so excited. He bounced on his dad’s bed waking him up and his brothers yelled fondly at him. They all were excited for Tommy to get their marks. It’s not uncommon for family members to get marks from one another. So while it was typically normal, it still meant a lot. So Tommy waited for the exact second he hit 8, jumping up and down like he was on a trampoline. But when that second happened, Tommy felt nothing. Every time someone gets their marks it makes one feel a sensation, it depends on the person but it always feels like something is happening. But nothing happened. Tommy can remember the heartbreak he felt, and he could see the heartbreak on his family's faces too. That day he promised that even with no mark he would love them like no other and that nothing would break them apart. And he meant it. They all agreed with him, he was 8, but as time moved along it became clearer and clearer they didn’t mean their part of their promise.
Tommy still loved his family like no other, he loved them, he wanted to spend time with them, laugh with them, make them laugh, be stupid and crazy and nuts with each other. But day by day, week by week, year by year, there became a present wall between Tommy and his family. It started off little, they would end up being a bit too busy to go to Tommy’s after school activities that allowed parents to watch other than to pick him up after. It was fine at first, Tommy gets that Phil can’t control how much work he needs to do, and Wilbur and Techno were always complaining about how they have mountains of homework, plus their own after school activities. They could always spend time together during the weekends and the summer!
And then a few years later it became that over the weekends they were busy with other things like spending time with other friends, or that the 3 of them would go out somewhere and accidentally forget about Tommy because he was busy doing other things and didn’t want to bother him. Did it bother Tommy? Yeah but he gets it, he loves spending time with his friend Tubbo, and he was always doing something or other, so he gets it. (Even if all he was doing was mindlessly playing games because he wanted to spend time with his family and he didn't want to think about the loneliness that was settling in his gut.)
Then a year after meeting Tubbo, Techno moved off to college and Wilbur started a band. So it became even more understandable that they weren’t hanging out. Tommy was also doing more after school activities like Theatre, and music club, and the creative writing club! So of course they were all busy doing their own lives! (But Tommy was doing all those clubs because he wanted them to finally come see him do something at school, see him perform and act and blurt out lyrical poems and do dramatic theatrical scenes because he wanted to impress his family so they could finally look at him and pay attention and spend time with him for once because he knew they all hung out on specific days together at a set schedule every week because Phil left looking a bit down but always came back looking happier than before with a fondness and warmth in his eyes.)
And then there is now, now he’s in his junior year of highschool. Wilbur already made his band and is off doing small gigs and shows around town and in neighboring cities. Techno is out of college, and has a mysterious job that Tommy is pretty sure it’s something illegal but he doesn’t know for sure. And Phil is doing Phil stuff. Tommy knows they still make time every week for each other, he knows because they stopped trying to hide it. They come home together, Phil carrying leftover take out or something they bought out, they are laughing and yelling at each other, vibrant and loud. And by now Tommy had learned to hole himself in his room and plug in his headphones to music long before they arrived. Because all he does is make things awkward. They stop talking and stare at him like a stranger, Phil awkwardly talks to him and tries to have him join them, offering the leftovers as an apology. Techno and Wilbur have a silent conversation behind their dad with their eyes and Tommy feels like he’s on the verge of crying as his heart cries out. So he then leaves with a few funny words or comments to lighten their mood and retreats to his room refusing the take out. And when he finally shuts the door to his room he shoves his face into his pillow and sobs silently as his heart aches for his family. He loved them just as much as he had when he was 8 years old, he always had hoped they would love him just as much too but that hope was dying every day.
So Tommy learnt to just give them their space and keep to his room for their sake, but mostly his own. And he ignored the time and ignored the day and ignored the striking loneliness he felt.