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Essek is shocked his brother made it this far into their current residence in Rexxentrum without bloodshed, and even more shocked Verin would make the effort, given the residual tensions between the Empire and the Dynasty.
He is unsure whether it is good or bad luck that Verin managed to plan his brother-napping attempt during Caleb’s housewarming, when all of the Mighty Nein were present. He is pretty sure Verin would perceive it to be bad luck. Verin’s attempt to spirit Essek away in the dead of night would have gone much better without an entire battle-hardened party protecting him.
Essek is thankful for Verin’s quick decision to throw down his weapons and dispel his echo. His brother apparently knew when to make a tactical retreat when faced with impossible odds. It was a wise decision and likely the only reason blood was not already flowing on both sides.
Regardless, the Nein do not seem to trust Verin’s intentions. They stand in the front room of Caleb’s small rented house, poised to defend Essek against his own brother.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone. Just let Essek talk with me and we can all walk away in peace.” Verin says, hands outstretched in a calming gesture.
“Forgive us for not trusting you, but we’d like to be sure where you stand. A spell is the best way for us to be sure you don’t mean any harm.” Caduceus gives an apologetic smile to Verin.
Standing between and slightly behind Caleb and Yasha, Essek watches his brother with a wary eye, realizing Verin is a veritable stranger to him after so long apart. He does not know why Verin is here, but it complicates matters significantly. These are the most important people in his life and they are a hair's breadth away from killing each other. The tension rises and Essek is pulled taut between the family he was given and the friends who chose him.
Verin is evaluating the Mighty Nein with a tactician’s eye. They surround him, confining him in place by sheer physical presence. Only Veth remains outside their barricade, and Essek knows that is because it gives her a better vantage point as she trains her crossbow on Verin, undeterred by the bodies between them. Tension crackles between them all, but it remains unbroken by violence. For now.
Beau appears willing to change that. “I could also smack him in the face. That would also work. Really well, actually. I could totally just do that.”
Verin’s posture shifts minutely, bracing for a physical altercation. Essek has no doubt Verin would fight if he needed to, and the fight would be brutal. It would not be a fair fight. Verin cannot take on the entire group and stand a chance at winning.
“Beau, we’ve talked about this. I think the spell might be more beneficial, given the circumstances.”
Thank the Luxon for Fjord’s voice of reason. Beau simply shrugs and folds her arms against her chest.
Caduceus again addresses Verin pleasantly, but with an undercurrent of steel in his voice. “Would you prefer the spell, as well?”
Verin’s eyes land on Essek calculatingly, searching his face for something. Essek cannot fathom what he is looking for, but whatever Verin sees in him must be enough to make a concession.
“Carry on, then.” Verin waves his hand with a resigned air.
Jester begins casting the spell, weaving her hands in elaborate and dramatic patterns, mumbling what sounds like nonsense until she finishes with a final “please and thank you, Traveler”, and they all brace. Essek tries to resist, briefly, instinctually, but he fails almost immediately and the magic washes over and through him.
It is an uncomfortable feeling for him; he remains uneasy at the prospect of baring his soul. But he holds no true secrets from the Mighty Nein anymore, all of his flaws long since displayed and accepted, if not forgiven. Perhaps it is fitting that he is laid bare in their midst once more: a former Shadowhand enshrouded in the blinding light of truth.
“He failed!” Jester announces with a bit of pride in her voice. “I cast it really good this time, you guys! I got most of you all, too!”
Essek sees her toss a wink at Fjord, but she does not make any further comments. Fjord likely remains free of the spell then. Perhaps Jester believes that it will be useful to have at least one of them retain the ability to lie.
“Now, remember, you can’t lie at all in this area and it will last for ten minutes, so everybody talk fast, okay?”
“Get on with it, please.” Verin says. “I would like to catch up with my dearest brother sooner rather than later.”
“I am your only brother.” Essek responds automatically, sinking back into years of rote bickering, despite the situation.
“That you know of.” Verin shoots back.
“That does not make any sense.”
“You don’t make any sense.”
Essek opens his mouth to retort, but he catches Caleb looking between them with palpable amusement and the Umavi’s chidings ring in Essek’s ears. They are making a spectacle of themselves. Essek closes his mouth again with an audible snap.
“It’s really quite simple, Verin. It was Verin, yes?” Fjord takes charge. A good choice if he could indeed resist the spell’s effects, Essek muses. It would give him power over the target. He remembers belatedly that his brother is the target in this case and a twinge of guilt niggles at him. It seems he has already picked a side, albeit subconsciously, and it was not the side of his family. The Umavi would be horrified.
“Yes, I am Verin of Den Thelyss. Essek is my idiot brother. He belongs at home where we can watch out for him.”
Even now, in this strange set of circumstances, Verin’s words rankle him, the unique and boundless power his sibling holds. Essek instinctually casts his floating cantrip, gaining a few inches of height in his indignation. Verin does not acknowledge the action, which frustrates Essek further.
“Why are you here?” Fjord questions.
“I am here because I am loyal to my brother. We are Den Thelyss and will always remain so, despite any false rumors or perceived mistakes.” Verin casts a piercing gaze in Essek’s direction. “I am here to ensure my brother’s safety. I plan to retrieve him so we can set his reputation straight.”
A pang shoots through Essek. Verin. Always so trusting and steadfast. Give him a problem and he comes up with a straightforward solution, no extraneous artifice involved, no thought for his own wellbeing. He is a good man. A sharp contrast to his cowardly, conniving bastard of a brother.
“You’re not going to hurt him or do anything that will get him hurt or give him to anyone that wants to hurt him?” Jester asks.
“I mean him no harm. I am simply here to take him home and set things straight.”
Essek sees most of the Nein relax their ready stances. Veth even lowers her crossbow. It is a good answer, verified by the truth spell. It is, however, an impossible mission.
“That’s very kind of you to do, but I don’t think he wants to do that, Verin.” Fjord is apologetic now, a tinge of remorse evident in his tone. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“Complicated.” It is not a question, but an acknowledgement. Verin sounds tired, long-suffering. It is not a new tone for him. Somehow Verin has always acted responsible for Essek’s wellbeing, despite no one ever assigning him that task.
Essek wants to explain, but he has no excuses left to give and the frustration builds. Why is Verin here? This can only end with Verin disgusted with him. Essek has committed many wrongs in his life and now reaps the consequences of his actions. Certainly, he regrets that Verin had to be pulled into Essek’s mess, but he never asked for Verin to risk his life on foreign soil for him. Still, forming those sentiments into words and releasing them into the space between them all seems impossible. The sounds catch in his throat, and nothing escapes his half-open lips.
“Essek can’t go with you, Verin. I’m sorry, but some pretty bad people want to hurt him. He is going to stay with us for a while until everyone forgets why they want him.” Jester keeps her tone light, carefully free of judgment, offering Essek a kind of absolution in the words she omits from her explanation.
Essek breathes slowly, thanking her internally for saying things he could not, and for not saying what he so desperately wishes he could keep secret.
“I don’t think it’s quite that simple,” Verin says carefully. “The Bright Queen has questions she needs answered. She’s putting significant pressure on the Umavi for those answers. The political pressure is such that, well, if Essek doesn’t want to be left without a den, he needs to return. He belongs at home.”
Essek avoids Verin’s gaze. It is nothing he did not expect, but the verbal acknowledgment that he will soon become Denless hurts nonetheless. Yet, Verin still maintains hope. It will be Essek’s job to dash that hope. There is no alternative. Essek will be disowned and Verin will be left without a brother and there is no one to blame but himself.
“He belongs with us.” The quiet contradiction comes from Yasha, her statement as firm as the grip she places on his shoulder. The weight of it startles Essek enough for him to lose an inch of height. He adjusts the power of his cantrip to compensate and gives her a grateful glance for the support.
“Really? And what do you think, Essek? Do you feel you belong with this group over your family?” Verin turns to him now, the question a clear challenge.
No.
The truth tries to wiggle free from his mouth and he shoves the word back down his throat. He does not reply. He cannot. Expectant looks surround him. It is a simple answer. Yes or no. Neither are options he can say.
Essek stammers, “I.. They have been kind enough to… I have…”
“He belongs.” Caleb says firmly, resting a hand on the small of his back, a claiming gesture that Essek longs to find more meaningful than it likely is.
Regardless, the words offer a lifeline to Essek. He gives a grateful twitch of his lips to his human companion. He finds a kind of strength in Caleb’s presence, feels their arms brush against each other. Essek wishes, not for the first time, that he could physically nestle into the bolstering support at his side.
“Of course he belongs.” Jester agrees, as if it is the most obvious statement in the world. “Essek,” she says with an encouraging tone, “say you belong.”
Verin questions him with sharp eyes. Certainly, he also noticed Essek’s lack of affirmation. The suspicion is rising visibly in Verin’s face.
The words stick in his throat. He cannot fully speak them even as he struggles to bring them up to his lips. To say them would be blatant falsehood.
His thoughts spiral. He knows he does not belong here, does not belong with Verin, does not truly belong anywhere. He is alone, now more than ever, even surrounded by the people closest to him. There remains an insurmountable distance between them and him. The world looms around him, seeming so vast, isolating him. He will never be able to cross the distance and really connect with anyone. Something must be wrong with him to warrant this isolation. He has corrupted himself too much with his actions. There is no hope. He is alone, so alone. He will never belong.
“Essek?”
Essek focuses on Caleb’s kind eyes. The human’s face radiates concern. There are hands on both of his arms now, Caleb's hands, seeping warmth into shoulders so accustomed to the cold metal of a mantle.
“You belong with us.” Caleb tells him again, quietly, with fervor.
“We love you, Essek.” Jester agrees. So simple a declaration. So unbelievable. So kind despite everything he has put them through.
“Yes, that’s very sweet, but it’s not enough,” Verin says, frustration evident. “Essek, you know where you belong. The Umavi – your own mother– will have no choice but to publicly disown you if you do not return to set matters straight. She has already set plans into motion to save our Den from the humiliation of having your alleged actions associated with Den Thelyss. This is a lifeline, Essek. I wasn’t even supposed to come here.”
“Yes, and what were you thinking?” The fury finally bursts up inside Essek with a force he isn’t expecting, guilt and frustration and pain coalescing into a more palatable anger. “You think dragging me back to face trial will fix everything? You really think our mother would do anything to protect me, if it would even hint at tarnishing our family name? No, Verin, it looks like you got what you wanted all along. You don’t have to compete with me anymore. You’re the pride and joy of Den Thelyss now. That is, unless you get yourself captured or killed on a fruitless mission to drag your brother back to be publicly executed. Are you stupid or just naive? You come to the capital of the Empire, alone, undisguised, skulking in the shadows like every drow stereotype this nation has? Do you want to be the second Thelyss to start a war?”
The words are out before he can stop them and he sees Verin absorb them like he would a blow to the jaw. His brother visibly deflates and Essek regrets levitating now, the added height feeling like an additional slight to an already wounded man.
“I see.” Verin clips the words short. “So the accusations are true.”
“I have made many mistakes.” Essek hedges.
The only sound is the quiet friction of fabric on fabric as members of the Nein shift uncomfortably and make a collective move to disperse. It gives the two of them some space, albeit not much, as the room is small for the size of the group. Caleb squeezes his arm once and then takes a small step away. Essek wishes he had thought to stop him. He is so alone now, facing the betrayal etched into Verin’s face.
“Essek, those are big accusations.”
“I know.”
“You started a war? You’re a traitor to our country?
“I did those things, yes. I gave the Empire the beacons. I was wrong, but I did it.”
Essek sees Verin process his statement, and the fact that Jester’s spell is still active. He watches his little brother’s admiration of him shatter into tiny pieces.
“Why? So many people died in that war. So many of my friends. Because of you? How could you? Verin’s voice is shaky in a way Essek hasn’t heard since they were children.
“I was misguided and selfish. I was wrong. I did it without thinking through the consequences. I thought what I gained would be worth it. I’m sorry, Verin.” He has rehearsed what he would say a million times. He means the words, but they aren’t enough. Nothing could be enough. The knowledge that people died because of his actions is nothing compared to seeing his brother grieve for friends because of Essek’s selfishness.
“What did you gain? Was it worth it?”
Essek swallows hard. “I’m afraid I did not gain much in the end. I made some significant tactical errors in the process. Let’s just say that neither the Empire nor the Dynasty want me to live much longer.”
Verin closes his eyes for a long moment. Essek wants Verin to open them again and look at him the way he used to. He knows that Verin will never see him with the same eyes again.
Finally, Verin sighs and there is pain in his voice. “I can’t stop the Umavi then.”
“I know you can’t.”
“We won’t be brothers anymore.” Verin’s voice breaks and Essek feels like he’s been stabbed.
“Not officially.”
Verin nods twice, his head jerking like a marionette on a string, uncoordinated. His face is stoic.
“Verin, I’m a traitor. You don’t want to be my brother.”
“I do. You’ll always be my brother, like it or not.”
Essek’s throat constricts and he finds it impossible to respond.
Jester clears her throat and the sound is loud in the small room, reminding Essek that the Nein are spectators for this whole interchange. It is simultaneously embarrassing and comforting.
“This is the part where you hug.” Jester stage-whispers.
Verin chokes out a strained laugh and draws Essek in for a hug.
It is a strange feeling. The last time they hugged, Essek was bigger than Verin, and they were both children. His little brother is far stronger now, and Essek buries his face in Verin’s broad shoulder. He knows this very well could be the last time they see each other. It is certainly the last time they will embrace as members of Den Thelyss. At least he gets one last hug from his brother. He had not been expecting one ever again.
“I really am sorry.” Essek murmurs into Verin’s shoulder.
“I know you are.” Verin replies and the sound is loud in Essek’s ear. It feels like forgiveness. It cannot be. His sins are too great. But it is a start.
“You’ve never done things halfway, Essek.” Verin pulls back and shakes his head, “You always have to be the center of attention.”
Essek forces a laugh. “How else will I live up to my potential?”
It is a hollow joke. Verin chuckles regardless and it sounds vaguely like a sob, but Verin’s eyes remain dry.
“Listen, Essek.” Verin lowers his voice and murmurs in Undercommon, glancing furtively at the rest of the Nein still standing around them. “Are you going to be okay here? I know you can’t come back with me and things are complicated, but we can still leave. I can help you find somewhere else to go. Somewhere away from them.”
Essek shakes his head, responding in Undercommon as well. “I am surprisingly happy here with them. They are, well, I know they are a lot sometimes. But my chances of survival are a lot higher with them than without them, believe it or not.”
“I would not believe you if it were not for the truth spell. You were acting so out of character and then you left your post twice with this strange group.” Verin pauses and his ears twitch with awkwardness. “I thought you were in a cult.”
“A cult?” Essek says in surprise.
“You didn’t seem yourself. And honestly, when I got here, that whole talk about belonging seemed weird, and they were all talking for you and making you say you belong. It seemed very suspicious. It still does.” Verin takes a breath, and then speaks delicately, choosing his words carefully. “You know, most people who are in a cult don’t really know they’re in a cult. I know you’re smart, Essek, but even smart people join cults. Are you sure you don’t want to take a little time away to think?”
It would be funny if his brother wasn’t visibly concerned.
Before he has a chance to speak, Beau cuts in, speaking in Common. “Dude, we’re not a cult,” she says. “Essek isn’t here because he has to be. He can leave whenever he wants.”
Chagrin blooms on Verin’s face as he realizes she understood their interchange.
Jester agrees, adding helpfully, “We really are not a cult. We may have started a little bitty cult but that was like weeks ago and it was for a really good reason and Essek never joined it, so don’t worry.”
“Ah. That’s good then.” Verin responds eloquently in Common.
“I’m not sure that was any more convincing, but I promise I am not in danger from any of them.” Essek offers.
“You can get to know us and you’ll see! Oh! The spell is gone now, so I know we could be lying, but I promise I’m not lying. We’re really, really nice and we want to get to know you too, Verin. You can even stay with us for a while. Don’t worry. Caleb’s new house is tiny, but it’s fine because he has a tower and he can fit all of us in it. You can take Essek’s room! Essek can probably share with Caleb.”
“Caleb?” Verin inquires.
“Introductions would probably be a good idea all around.” Fjord suggests.
“Oh, yes! You don’t even know Caleb. Caleb is Essek’s… friend.” There is extremely loud subtext in Jester’s statement. To make matters worse, she grabs Caleb by the hand and pulls him closer to Essek.
Essek winces. She is not subtle.
Verin throws an arm around Essek’s shoulder, nodding at Caleb. “Hello, Essek’s friend.”
“Ja, hello.” Caleb says. He looks pained.
Jester looks between them all, seeming to realize they are uncomfortable. “And I am also Essek’s friend. We’re all friends. Anyway, Caduceus is also here. He’s a cleric, like me, but he has a different god. He also has tea but it’s made of dead people. Not actually, but kind of.”
Verin looks suitably alarmed, but nods politely.
Essek tunes Jester out as she continues her colorful introductions. He is too distracted to pay full attention. This could have gone so much worse, and perhaps it should have. He is lucky. He does not deserve this acceptance.
His brother knows what he has done and is still here with him, has even opted to hug him despite everything. Verin is still here for him. There is hurt there, undoubtedly, and it will take time to rebuild trust. But Essek is hopeful for the future. Verin has not shut him out.
And Caleb stands at his other side, quiet and soothing. There is something undefinable but promising between them. It will take time to explore and define it, he is sure. It scares him, but the idea of growing closer with Caleb also thrills him. He feels like he could fit into Caleb’s life, if given the opportunity.
Somehow, the Nein have wormed their way into his life and accepted him into their midst. It is more than he deserves, more than he could have ever hoped for, but he clings to it. It is overwhelming to know he has an entire room full of friends. They are loud and somewhat abrasive, an eclectic bunch to say the least, but they are his friends. Despite everything, they stand with him, ready to defend him with their lives, if necessary.
With a rush, he realizes he might soon be disowned by Den Thelyss, but he still has a family, both blood and chosen.
For the first time in a very long while, Essek thinks he might belong.