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Since the moment Zoro figured out how to use Sanji's phone, his favorite pastime has been to mess with it.
The main requirement for Zoro's game was that it had to be childish. Ugly pictures taken whenever he wasn't looking, talking with the crew behind his back via his phone —yes, the dumbass didn't even own a phone—, alarms that rang in the middle of the day and stupid ringtones... The most Sanji could say was that it was getting really fucking old.
But, well, as a good boyfriend, sometimes he had to let his pet Moss have some fun, and if his measly and cheap phone did the trick to get him to behave, then it was the only thing he could ever be asking for.
Lately, however, Zoro had taken a strange interest in randomly changing his wallpapers. It was always something dumb, or that was picked with the express intent to rile him up —because Zoro was nice like that, and very much not a hindrance to his poor and exhausted boyfriend. Sometimes, he took pictures of his swords with his dirty boxers in the background and chose them as his lock screen. Other times, Sanji discovered an ugly expression that had crossed his face for only a millisecond, 2 months ago, as his new main screen.
It was exhausting, to say the least.
The cocky smirks and infuriating laughs at his disgruntled face every time he opened his phone after were exhausting too.
But he had no way to send the courtesy back, or at least not in the form of latching onto the Moss's own phone —because he didn’t have one, the fucking caveman, remember? So he sadly had to settle for kicks whenever he was getting a little too fed up with the guy's nonsense.
He wouldn't have stooped as low as his level, anyway. He was mature, had to be to keep such an unhinged man in check, and was civilized, meaning that he knew not to mess with someone else's literal life.
This, unfortunately, Zoro did not understand. He always bragged, like it made him interesting and quirky, that he had no need for a phone, was too independent to need one. But well, Sanji had to disagree on that part, because for its GPS option at least, Zoro could easily have found some use in one.
His infuriated scowl was always funny to see whenever he pointed it out, and even if he went to sulk somewhere and pretend to avoid him for a while, Sanji always knew that he had won, because his boyfriend just liked him too much to truly be able to ever avoid him.
It was cute to see him coming back with a pout and a drag to his feet and to immediately ask for cuddles or a kiss, like the softie that he actually was under the scary look and the thick layers of muscles. It also made Sanji feel immensely smug and victorious, both feelings that he absolutely adored.
The idea crosses his mind as he brushes his teeth one morning, barely awake and bangs all mussed from the Mosshead's strange fixation on his hair. It instantly wakes him up, energy bursting through him with a vibrating and oh-so-satisfying mischief that almost makes him chuckle like a freak in front of the bathroom's mirror. He snatches his phone from his jeans back pocket, and with one hand still diligently brushing his teeth scrolls on his phone, looking for one specific picture among the plethora of snapshots that clutter his camera roll.
Finding the one prized picture he has been looking for, he lets this time a soft and gargled chuckle freely erupt from his throat, and with a few clicks in his parameters sets it as his new background.
Oh, what a lovely day to start on such brilliant plotting, he rejoices with a cunning smile around his toothbrush. Zoro's reaction was bound to be absolutely priceless.
The following evening, they are both sitting on the couch of the living room, each minding their own respective business. Zoro with Sanji's legs draped over his lap, absentmindedly playing with a loose thread of his pants, looking bored to all hell but too lazy to find anything better to do; Sanji, with his phone partially buried under his thigh and a book in hand, reading glasses set on his nose.
He checks his phone for an email he was supposed to receive in the evening, and the sight of the fresh wallpaper hits him like a freight car. His idea of the morning surges back in waves in his mind, and he forces down a traitorous smile, instead feigning nonchalance and closing his phone to set it on the coffee table.
It's all an act. Everything he wants with this action is for Zoro to play right into his hands, reach out for the phone and come face to face with his little surprise.
He tucks his feet under Zoro's thighs and buries his nose in his book, trying to be discreet with the looks he sends his boyfriend and the buzzing anticipation that shakes him in that instant. He waits for him to take the bait, waits...
And he does! He does, with a quick look at his side that was probably meant to be sneaky —Sanji pretends to be deeply unraptured in his story—, Zoro snatches the thing from the table and starts to type his passcode with a grin.
Sanji braces himself for his boyfriend's face to satisfyingly fall, for a look of utmost frustration to cross his face. But weirdly, it never comes.
Sanji is peeved.
He doesn't understand. The Mosshead would have reacted if he had taken notice of it, so the only plausible answer to that mystery is that his boyfriend's shitty hair might actually have well and truly damaged his eyesight for good.
Zoro swipes and scrolls and fucking cackles in anticipated delight, and Sanji internally spits his best insults, all metaphors and analogies full of indignation and desperation, fearing that his plan will be all for nothing. But then, miraculously, the shithead stops, and stares, dumbfounded. Sanji feels like he’s able to finally breathe again, feels like he was granted a second chance by the almighty heavens, another prospect to reach his ultimate happiness.
He's a little dramatic, maybe. Wallpapers had fucking traumatized him at this point.
Zoro brings the screen closer to his eyes like a fucking grampa —and maybe he actually is one, behind the youthful looks— and tries to take in all the little details of the background. He scowls, suddenly picking up on Sanji's little scheme —who's internally rejoicing at his late success—, and turns to him with a glare that slowly and inevitably melts into a look of pure irritated fondness.
He displays the phone right in Sanji's face, the background unmistakable on the screen. It's a picture of them, the only decent and actually nice that they have together. They're in bed snuggled against one another, a mess of disheveled hair, tangled sheets and limbs surrounding their peaceful and sleepy faces. Ace took it on one of their hiking trip to the sea, and since then it has been Zoro's favorite picture on Sanji's phone, along with one of their dog, a toy sword in his mouth —which is, according to the resident Moss, "cool as fuck".
Sanji had been sure that Zoro would have been absolutely weak to that shot of them as his wallpaper. Every time he went on his little phone messing agenda, he would just take a minute to stare at it with a dopey grin plastered on his face, and Sanji valiantly refused to admit that it warmed his heart just a little every time he saw his Marimo softly smiling at their picture.
"You planned this, didn't you," the green-haired man sighs in defeat, unable to change the wallpaper to a goofy one. Sanji giggles in elation, and Zoro pouts harder.
"What if I did?"
Zoro discards the phone between the cushions of the couch and lunges forward to harass him with a rain of tickles. Sanji yelps at the clear hostility, and can't stop laughing, even slightly tearing up at the unrelenting aggression. It goes on like this for a little while, until they're both breathless and simply lying on each other.
"Did it work?" Sanji cradles Zoro's face in his hands and whispers, coming to lightly brush his rosy cheeks. Zoro grumbles, clearly embarrassed to admit how badly he played into Sanji's game.
"Whatever. Stupid phone thing, I was getting sick of it anyways."
Sanji chuckles again, an airy and light sound that can't help but snatch a shy smile at his boyfriend's sullen expression.
"Sure, love. Sure," he purrs. He brushes their noses together, soft and quiet, and kisses him tenderly, wiping the slight sour look on Zoro's face at his defeat in their little game.