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This was not Annabeth’s day, but these days when did she actually catch a break. Storming into her dorm room she slammed the door behind her and tried not to cry as she collapsed on her twin sized bed. Crying would just make it worse. But she was miserable and wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed and cry.
Three months since the war against Gaea ended and she still was still suffering the physical effects of her time in the pit. That made sense – escaping the inescapable pit of hell made for punishing immortals and where no mortal should survive was bound to leave a mark. But some (admittedly illogical) part of her really thought that returning to camp and New York would wash away those wounds as easy as nectar. Of course that didn’t happen. True, her color was mostly back and she no longer looked like she could audition for an extra in a zombie movie, but her ankle ached and her lungs still rattled and all of her muscles were sore from constantly being primed for a fight. She refused to let Chiron or Will write a doctor’s note to excuse her from gym because godsdammit she was not weak. This was life. This was her life. She had to find a way through it as normally as possible.
It didn’t help that she could rarely get a full night of sleep. She was supposed to have a roommate but that lasted about two weeks. Turns out people don’t like rooming with someone who wakes up screaming or crying most nights. Go figure. For the most part she liked her solitude. She would never be able to explain to any regular mortal exactly why her nightmares were so bad, or the fact that she had severe PTSD from fighting in two wars before she even turned 18. No, solitude was better even if some nights when she woke up drenched in sweat she was so lonely that it reminded her of the arai’s curse down in Tartarus which set off another panic attack.
Oh, the panic attacks. There were days she wanted to rip her brain out of her skull and put it in a corner for a timeout. She was a daughter of Athena, her mind was her greatest asset where logic and reason prevailed. Except several times a week her mind elected to nope out of that agreement, sometimes just giving her an anxiety attack over absolutely nothing or when it really wanted to be a bitch, sending her spiraling into an abyss where she was certain that she was dying, Percy was dying, Kronos was returning, Gaea wasn’t really defeated… take your pick. She quickly learned no amount of reasoning would slap those thoughts down. The first one happened her first week of school and luckily she managed to IM Will even while hyperventilating. A quick trip via Mrs. O’Leary where Will confirmed that she was in fact not having a heart attack, just a really bad panic attack. Will calmly explained that it wasn’t unexpected and completely normal but that didn’t take away her embarrassment. He tried putting her on a mortal anti-anxiety medication but her reaction to it was so bad she was wary of trying another. For now she kept a water bottle filled with unicorn draught, courtesy of their new friendship with Camp Jupiter, and along with the breathing exercises that Will taught her at least prevented the worst of it when she felt one coming on. But the attacks were another unwanted reminder that this might just be the new normal of her life.
She took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before releasing it. She couldn’t breathe as deeply as she could before the pit but it was getting better. She was getting better. Annabeth mentally nodded to herself. She needed to focus on the positive.
Today was Friday which meant date night with Percy. Despite wanting nothing more than to cancel and curl up in bed, she knew she would feel better after seeing him. He was the only thing that could really lift her spirits these days. Like her, Percy was going through his fair share of problems after the war but still seemed to be doing better than she managed. Part of that might be because he was actually in therapy. Percy laid the groundwork with Reyna before the Romans returned to California, and within a couple of weeks a psychologist legacy of Aceso who specialized in PTSD and trauma agreed to spend a year in New York to work with campers of the Titan and Giant wars. She currently lived in the Big House with Chiron and used IM for sessions with campers who returned home for the school year. Once a week she spent the day in the city for those campers who live there. Percy took to therapy quite easily but Annabeth was another story. Valencia was kind and professional, well versed with the realities of demigod life, but no matter how hard she tried, Annabeth just couldn’t bring herself to open up to her, not just about Tartarus or the wars but about anything. The three sessions they had were mainly spent talking about differences in Roman and Greek architecture. No matter how many time Valencia tried to steer the discussion to something more productive, Annabeth found a way to steer it back into something mundane. Finally Valencia admitted that she might not be ready for therapy, or perhaps wasn’t the best fit for Annabeth’s needs. She was so nice about the entire thing and assured her she would be there if Annabeth wanted to try again in the future, but it still made Annabeth feel like a failure. Valencia left her with a list of other potential therapists in New Rome and personal exercises she could try on her own to work through her issues. Both lists were thrown in an unopened folder sitting under a pile of papers on her desk.
She looked longingly at her bed before forcing herself to get up and walk to her closet to find something to wear. Percy needed her as much as she needed him. Cancelling their date wasn’t an option, no matter how crappy she felt. Plus she knew Percy planned a surprise for her and was really excited. Above all, she didn’t want to disappoint him.
After making herself look somewhat presentable, she signed out of campus and took the school shuttle to the train station for the hour long trip into the city. Her boarding school was located farther away than she would like, but options were limited by the time they got back from the Ancient Lands. She liked the wide open spaces her school offered and knew that city life might be a bit too much for her to take on a daily basis right now. But it limited the amount of time she could spend with Percy which Annabeth hated with a passion.
An hour later she got off at Grand Central Station and made her way to Sweet on America, their designated meeting spot. She checked her watch and was thankful she was only about 15 minutes late. Percy lit up when he saw her, making half of her worries disappear. After engulfing him in a minutes long hug where she greedily took in his sea breeze scent, another 30 percent of her anxiety melted. Percy didn’t say anything, just held her with his cheek resting on the top of her head. Finally, she broke away enough to kiss him.
“Hey there Wise Girl,” he grinned.
“My Seaweed Brain,” she murmured, hugging him again.
She regretfully left the comfort of his arms so he could take her hand and lead them to their date. Her anxiety spiked as they wove through the never ending crowd of New Yorkers, but he squeezed her hand and kept up a constant chatter about gossip at camp and what Tyson was up to at Camp Jupiter. She let his voice wash over her as she took him in with a critical eye. Percy still hadn’t come close to gaining back all the weight he lost on the quest but was getting there, and there was certainly more life in his step. His eyes didn’t have the same vibrancy they once had but there was a bit more of the old sparkle back. It was clear he was doing better. Not great, but better.
She gave him a confused look when they stopped at a luxury apartment building on Park Avenue but he just smiled and held open the door. The security guard obviously knew him and waved him by. The elevator came quickly and as they stepped in, she heard Percy’s breath hitch a bit. It was time for her to squeeze his hand in reassurance. Ever since Tartarus, elevators were one of Percy’s triggers even though Annabeth herself had no problem with them. Living in Manhattan, that was one thing Percy had to confront regularly. He didn’t lift his eyes from the ground as the elevator took them to the 52nd floor. When they stepped off, he gave an audible sigh of relief.
Percy led her to one of two doors on the floor. The door led to a very dark, and very empty, apartment. As in no furniture, no decorations, nothing. If it was anyone but Percy with her, she would be running by now. She’s seen enough horror films to know better. But she followed him in as he flipped on the lights and led her through the massive unit.
“I called in a favor from Rachel,” he told her. “Her dad generally does commercial real estate but does have a few residential properties. This one has been on the market for months and he sometimes rents it out for parties. Trust me, you do not want to know what it is listed for.”
A luxury unit this big on Park Avenue? Oh, she could guess and he was right, it was better not to think about.
“But I saw pictures and thought you would love it. Might make a nice change of view for a picnic. We just have to clean up our mess afterwards.”
She gasped as he led her to their destination, a glass wall conservatory that opened out to a deck. Percy had arranged the sectional outdoor furniture so it resembled a square sofa complete with big pillows and blankets, while fairy lights and lanterns hung from the ceiling. But the best part was the view; amid the Manhattan skyline, it gave a straight view of the Chrysler Building, her favorite building in New York. The fading sunset bounced its light off the stainless steel façade, adding to the glow of the skyline.
Percy wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. “I did good, right?”
She leaned back to kiss his cheek, a genuine smile on her face. “You did great,” she told him sincerely.
“Then let’s eat.”
He pulled a picnic basket out with tupperware containers of his mom’s lasagna, one of Annabeth’s favorite meals, along with salad, breadsticks, and the required dessert of blue cookies. As they ate and talked about what they each were doing in school, Annabeth felt the last dregs of tension leave her shoulders. If she could just stay in this moment forever, she would.
After finishing their meal, they cuddled in silence for a while. Normally she would spend the night at Percy’s and head back to school the next afternoon, but she had fallen behind in her school work and really needed to use the weekend to catch up. Percy would be headed to camp in the morning to do some stuff for Chiron. With Olympus still closed (thanks, Zeus), Percy was increasingly spending his weekends there to help Chiron with the general running of the camp in exchange for tutoring as he tried to catch up from Hera’s forced exchange program. Annabeth would join him, but being at camp put her on edge these days. Most of the campers were from after the Second Titan War and didn’t really know her. She could feel their whispers about Tartarus follow her whenever she was there.
“You know,” Percy suddenly said into the silence, “one of the things Valencia told me that really stuck is it’s okay to be not okay. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You just need to go step by step for yourself and accept that there will be good days and bad days.”
Annabeth felt the telling sensation of tingling behind her eyes but willed herself not to cry. “I don’t think I can do that,” she said quietly.
“Why not?”
She had a million reasons why she couldn’t accept not being okay. She was a daughter of Athena, she should be stronger than this. She was a Senior Counselor, she had siblings looking up to her. She was a leader at camp, a veteran of two wars. She couldn’t afford to be weak. Even in front of Percy she was afraid of admitting how hard of a time she was having, especially when he seemed to be doing so much better.
But she didn’t say any of those things. Instead she stared at the Chrysler Building and started cataloging the facts she knew about it.
Designed by William Van Alen. Started in 1928. Finished in 1930. It was 1,046 feet tall with 77 floors. First manmade structure to surpass 1000 feet.
Percy kissed the top of her head. “I have responsibilities too, and for years I was worried about looking weak in front of other people because they needed me to be strong. But it’s okay to step back now. It’s okay to focus on yourself and admit that not everything is fine. Somedays are okay, and some really aren’t. We have to learn to deal with both of them. For ourselves and each other.”
Held title of tallest building in the world for just under 11 months until the Empire State Building took the title. First building in the US to use Nirosta steel in its construction. Named a national landmark in 1976.
Annabeth let the cadence of his voice drift over her, as calming as the waves. She tightened her grip on his hand but didn’t stop mentally reciting her facts or turn her eyes away from the skyline.
Still the tallest brick building in the world. A paragon of Art Deco design. The sunburst crown has seven levels and is one of the most recognizable in the world today.
“Annabeth?”
“I can’t,” she finally whispered. “I don’t know how.”
“That’s okay,” he said easily. “You can learn. Someone once told me that even strength has to bow to wisdom sometimes. This is one of those times.”
She let out a shaky laugh. Percy could be such a dork sometimes but she knew he was right. The problem was she didn’t know how to bow in this case. As always her pride kept getting in the way.
After another few moments of silence, Percy sighed and gave her another kiss. “Fine, just keep it in mind. You are allowed to be a hot mess Annabeth Chase.” She flipped him off which caused him to laugh. “Wait there, I have one more thing for you before we head back to the station.”
He disappeared back into the massive apartment. Annabeth took solace for a moment in the skyline before moving to clean up their picnic.
“Ta da!”
She looked up to see Percy holding out a massive blue plushie, which on closer examination was a whale. It was big enough to almost be a body pillow.
“Umm, thanks?” she said hesitantly.
“Don’t be like that. This is Splashy. He’s your new roommate.” He held out the plushie with pride and she took it, still not sure what he wanted her to do with it. “Smell it,” he told her.
She did and suddenly understood. It smelled like sea salt and hot sand, jasmine tea and sandalwood incense. It smelled like Percy. “I slept with him for the past week, so he’s probably covered in my drool and everything. But I figured if we have to be so far apart, he could keep you company.”
Annabeth smiled at his thoughtfulness and kissed him on the cheek. “I love it. Splashy, eh? Catchy name.”
They finished cleaning up and made their way back down to Grand Central Station. Annabeth felt a little stupid carrying around a giant whale plushie but being New York, no one seemed to care. She couldn’t help but notice how much lighter she felt then she had just a few hours earlier. Being with Percy always made her feel better.
He waited with her until the Metro-North train came and they kissed goodbye. He promised to IM her once he got back from camp. She took her seat and hugged the whale tightly as the train set off. Every once in a while she buried her nose in the plushie and smiled. She knew she wasn’t okay, not yet, but things were getting better. Maybe she should take another look at the list of exercises Valencia gave her. Step by step, that is what Percy told her. And with Splashy by her side to help, maybe she could she learn to bow her pride to wisdom, for both her sake and Percy’s. At least now they had time, and she knew he would be with her every step of the way.