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“Dude can you stop sucking Tolkien’s dick for one second and actually talk to your real friends?” Cartman leered, his head popping up from behind the seat Stan and Tolkien were sitting at.
“Dude fuck off!” Stan sighed, looking back at his tubby “friend”.
Kenny laughed, and Stan glared at him sharply.
“C’mon guys, Stan’s allowed to have other friends,” Kyle chimed in, trying to stick up for his super best friend.
“That’s not another friend though Kahl, that’s his boyfriend.”
Stan just sighed and leaned back in their seat. The guys had been like this for a while as he and Tolkien grew closer. It wasn’t his fault that Tolkien was the only kid living in close proximity to him now! So, they had naturally grown closer, even hanging out at school
Cartman and Kyle’s bickering continued until they pulled up to Cartman’s stop, then Kyle and Kenny’s, then finally, the farms on the outside of town.
Stan and Tolkien hopped off the bus, the former thankful that the quarrel had ceased. Sometimes he didn’t know why he hung out with these guys.
“So Tolkien…” Stan began as they walked, trying to steer the conversation away from the subject matter Cartman had brought up. “You wanna come over? My mom’s making hot dogs. I know you like those.”
After a couple months of being weed farm neighbors, Stan had learned a lot about the kid next to him. Their favorite food, favorite songs, favorite color (it’s obviously purple), Stan knew it all. What were they supposed to do when Tolkien was the only kid around for miles and their friends refused to step foot on the farm?
Tolkien smiled and went to reply, but a loud yell interrupted their short conversation.
“Stanley Marsh you get over here this instant!!”
Oh god dammit.
Randy grabbed his son by the collar of his jacket and started to drag him back to their own farm, huffing and stomping.
“Hey!!”
“I told you to stop hanging out with that traitor! He could be a spy trying to steal our precious information for his dad’s stupid company!”
Of course, it was about the farm. It was always about the farm, not his own happiness. Stan had one friend at home and his dad didn’t even want him to see them. Randy had yelled at them before for hanging out with the “son of the enemy”, but it had never gotten this physical. Seems like he was really starting to crack down.
Tolkien’s face looked saddened as Stan was dragged all the way back to their own farm, Randy closing the door behind him.
“That lying son of a bitch Steve Black just struck up a new deal with some big wig company to get his weed sold nationwide!” his father complained.
“Yeah and dad, I don’t care.”
“You should! This is our livelihoods at stake, Stan! We could end up losing the farm if we can’t keep up!”
Oh how Stan wished that would happen.
“So I won’t allow you to see that Tolkien kid anymore, you got that??”
And with that Randy stomped off, slamming the door to his office behind him.
Stan laid on their bed, groaning as they took off their hat and threw it across the room somewhere. Welp, nothing to do but play video games alone right? Well, that’s what he thought, until he felt his phone in his jacket pocket. Uh, duh, they’re not in the Stone Age anymore. Texting still exists. They pulled out their phone and found Tolkien’s contact.
‘hey sorry about my dad being a dick’
Thankfully, Stan didn’t have to wait too long for a reply.
‘It’s okay.’
‘It sucks that he won’t let us hang out, but I guess I understand.’
‘We are rivals after all 😂’
Stan huffed, but he felt a slight flush come to his face. This whole situation was annoying as hell, but he couldn’t help but think Tolkien’s use of outdated emojis was cute.
‘i dont wanna be ur rival’
‘i wanna be ur friend’
Shit that sounded fucking stupid, of course they were friends! I mean, they were each other’s only company outside of school for a good couple months. When Stan was bored, they’d walk on over to Tolkien’s to play a board game or watch a movie. When his mom made a nice dinner, he’d always make sure Tolkien could come too, much to his dad’s dismay. While he couldn’t read Tolkien’s mind, he hoped they saw him as a friend. But shit, he sounded gay as fuck.
‘That’s sweet Stan, I want to be your friend too.’
‘It’s hard not having anyone else around. But out of everyone, I’m glad it’s you that’s right next door.’
Stan could scream, and he almost did, right into his pillow. Thankfully, they were able to stop themselves. He needed to text them back, he’d look like an asshole if he didn’t.
‘yeah. everyone else is kinda an asshole’
‘You’re interesting, Stan. I have to do homework, talk to you later?’
He wanted to say no, ask them what they meant by “interesting”. Ask them to stay just a bit longer. The world didn’t feel as shitty when he got a message from them.
‘ttyl’
And that was that. Well, back to sulking and thinking about everything he could have done to prevent all the shitty things that had happened to him recently. Fun.
Stan had just finished brushing his teeth when he heard a soft dink against his window. God dammit, were they going insane now too? He knew everyone else in the house was asleep, it was like 1AM after all. Stan had always been a night owl.
Dink!
The sound came again, louder this time. Yeah, no way he was hearing things. He may have been diagnosed with depression, but he was pretty sure auditory hallucinations were not on the list of symptoms. He padded over to the window and looked down. It was dark, so he could barely see, but there was the unmistakable outline of a person. Without even thinking, probably thanks to their grogginess, they opened the window and peered down into the blackness below.
“Hey Stan,” Tolkien whisper-yelled up, seemingly holding onto some sort of sheet.
“T-Tolkien??” Stan stammered, suddenly very aware that he was only wearing his pajama bottoms and Terrance and Phillip shirt.
“I know I’m not usually the type to break rules, but I wanted to see you.”
They held up the long white sheet.
“Tie this to your bedpost and use it to climb down. Don’t worry, I’ll catch you if you fall.”
Maybe Stan was too tired to even think straight, or maybe it was the possibility of a warm pair of arms around him, but he nodded and caught the sheet as Tolkien threw it up to him. He did as he was instructed, tying it to the bedpost and throwing it back down to the kid below.
Thankfully, his window wasn’t too high up. A fall directly down would only lead to maybe one broken arm, and that gave him the confidence to swing his leg over the windowsill and get to climbing down.
He got almost all the way down when his sock slipped on the sleek wood of the house. He struggled a bit before he lost his grip. He would have hit the cold earth below if it wasn’t for the firm grip around his body that greeted him instead.
“Didn’t I say I would catch you?” Tolkien laughed, and all the air left Stan’s lungs, as if he hadn’t even been caught at all.
Tolkien set Stan down and looked at him sheepishly.
“Sorry, I guess that was kind of dangerous.”
“It’s okay dude, I’ve dealt with much worse.”
Tolkien nodded, but they frowned as they scanned Stan’s choice of attire. Fuck, of course he didn’t grab his jacket! It wasn’t winter, but Colorado could be pretty relentless all year round. All they were wearing was their pajamas and that stupid hat.
“You know, most kids grab their jacket before their hat, but I can appreciate the dedication to the look,” Tolkien joked, pulling their purple sweater over their head until it was off.
“You’ll freeze out here!” Stan tried to argue as they held out the sweater for him to take. I mean, Tolkien also only had a t-shirt on under the sweater.
“Don’t worry, I have a pretty high body temperature. Worst I’ll get is a sniffly nose. You on the other hand…”
They eyed Stan’s already shaking knees and pretty boney figure.
“I think you need it more than me.”
Stan wasn’t going to complain or say no, so they accepted the gift, easily slipping on the surprisingly soft garment. The thing looked itchy at a glance, but it was actually super plush and insulating. It also smelled like Tolkien, birch, cologne, and a good whiff of air freshener. So, he couldn’t really complain.
“C’mon, I wanted to show you something cool,” Tolkien said, after Stan finished putting on the article of clothing.
They led the boy to a field, Stan following behind like a lost puppy. He scanned his surroundings, not totally recognizing the expanse of land before them.
“I discovered this field while exploring after I had just moved in,” Tolkien explained. “It’s quiet, barely anyone comes over here. Best part is, I looked it up, and it doesn’t belong to your or my dad. It’s not owned by anyone. So, neither of us are trespassing, right? It’s like… our own space.”
Stan can’t do anything but nod and sit down as Tolkien did, both of them laying their heads against the scrappy grass under them. They sat there for a while, not uttering a word. It wasn’t bad though, Stan could still hear Tolkien’s soft breathing. It was almost therapeutic. The moment didn’t last forever though, as Tolkien went to pull something out of their pocket.
A joint.
“I know you don’t really like to smoke because of your dad but…” Tolkien hesitated. “It could really help calm you down. People use it as actual medicine. The CBD in it relaxes your body and can calm anxiety. I just feel bad that your dad won’t let you go on antidepressants or anything like that...”
Oh yeah. That had been a talking point Stan had brought up once, and never again. He didn’t need antidepressants, well, that’s what his dad said. He was a perfectly healthy and normal boy. Besides, he could just smoke a bit of Tegridy kush and feel better in an instant. Yeah, no thanks. They were not putting anything Randy had grown into their body
But this was different, this was Credigree weed, and Stan trusted Tolkien a lot more than his own father. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt just to try. The fear of becoming like his dad lingered, but he pushed it back.
“I’ll try it out,” Stan said, plucking the slightly squashed joint from Tolkien’s soft fingers. A shiver went up his spine, and it wasn’t from the cold.
“Here, I’ll show you,” Tolkien mused softly, pulling a lighter from their back pocket and flicking it open. The small flame burst to life, and they held it towards the end of the joint in Stan’s fingers.
“Just inhale through the filter,” they explained. “Then, hold it for a bit and exhale. It’s simple.”
Once again, Stan did as they were told, inhaling as the light was held to the end. He felt a tickling in his throat, but he ignored it, holding for a good couple seconds before exhaling. The exhale didn’t come without some coughing though.
“Nice! That was good, Stan!” Tolkien praised, and there was no way that warmth spreading through his chest was just from the weed.
They coughed a couple more times before the tickle subsided, leaving only a dull ache in their throat.
“I-I don’t feel anything.”
“Just give it a bit,” Tolkien chuckled. “It takes some time to kick in. You’re a lightweight though, so it shouldn’t take too long.”
They took the joint back and took a hit as it was still lit, exhaling with the ease and grace Stan wished he could have.
They looked beautiful like that.
Stan almost turned away, but Tolkien handed back the joint before he could. He took another puff, and thankfully, he was able to hold in his coughs a bit more. With no water, all Stan could do was breath in the chilly night air for a bit of relief.
They laid like that a while longer, the silence overtaking them once again. That’s until Stan let out a soft snort, and then a giggle bubbled out from his chest. Tolkien smiled.
“Duuuude… we live on weed farms! How fucking crazy is that!”
“Yeah it’s pretty crazy I’d say.”
Stan let out a louder laugh this time, and Tolkien didn’t go to shush them. This was their space. No hiding.
Stan turned towards the kid next to him, a smile plastered on his face. Wow, this is awesome. Really awesome. He felt like he was looking and hearing through some sort of filter. Was it just this filter that was making Tolkien’s face look that much more radiant? That much more desirable. That much more ki–
“You look happy, man,” Tolkien chuckled, now turned to face their stoned companion.
Stan didn’t stop themselves from interlocking their hand with Tolkien’s, and Tolkien didn't pull away.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he blurted out.
It’s true, Tolkien is the one Stan fully trusted in a moment like this. They would never judge or say he was acting too crazy. They’d never make fun of him for smiling like a goofy idiot. And they would definitely never say doing this made him just like his father.
And in that moment, Stan knew he could never be like his father, never in a million years. Because Randy Marsh could never love anyone, and right now, Stan Marsh knew that he was in love.
“Is it crazy to say I want to kiss you right now?” Stan whispered, and Tolkien’s eyes widened. They may have been blushing too, but it was hard for Stan to tell in the dark.
Then Tolkien let out another laugh and faced the sky again, hand still in Stan’s.
“You’re really interesting, Stan,” they began. “I know I've said that before, but it’s true. You know, Craig always said you were an asshole. That you and your friends aren’t trustworthy. That you drive him crazy.”
They just turned their head to look at Stan once again.
“But ironically enough, you’re the only one keeping me sane here. It sounds stupid, I know. I do love my parents, but now they’re always working on the farm. I can call my friends or walk like an hour to hang out with them in person, but it just isn’t the same. You being here… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Tolkien squeezed his hand, and Stan squeezed back.
“I feel like I’ve learned so much about you that I didn’t know before. And I like learning about you. You’re so different from how you portray yourself at school. I wish I had known you like this sooner. And… no, it’s not.”
Stan snapped a bit out of their daze when they heard that last sentence.
“H-Huh?”
“It’s not crazy at all, because I think I want to kiss you too.”
They finally turn their full body back around, and Stan already felt that familiar bile in his throat. Thankfully, he choked it down and brought his hands up to Tolkien’s cheeks. That hesitation was still there, but it was now or never. Who knew when Stan would have this cannabis induced confidence again.
Before he could think too hard about it, Tolkien’s lips were on his. It wasn’t too forceful or anything like that, it was actually the opposite. Their lips were soft and a bit meek, as if this was something they had never done before. But Stan couldn’t get himself to mind. He kissed back, maybe a bit too eagerly
The kiss only lasted a second, but the fireworks in Stan’s head lingered even after Tolkien pulled away.
Tolkien resumed their position of lying on their back, looking at the stars.
“Was it everything you expected, Stan Marsh?”
There was no hesitation.
“Yeah, and more.”
Stan then took off his hat and gingerly placed it on Tolkien’s head.
“So you don’t freeze you know?”
“Thanks.”
Tolkien laughed, then Stan laughed, and soon they were giggling together like little school girls in the veil of the dark night. Only the stars twinkled above as their hands stayed interlocked. And that’s how they’d stay, a fraction of a moment of bliss before the reality of the world came back. But for now, it was just them and the stars.