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“Say, umm… Sakura? Have you ever thought about… starting a family?”
Sakura glances up from her embroidery, peering over to where her girlfriend is seated on the other end of the couch, her legs tucked beneath her. Chihiro’s face is partially obscured by her laptop, but Sakura can just barely make out the green of her eyes, illuminated a pale grey by the blue light. They’ve been dating for long enough that Sakura can tell after only a brief moment that Chihiro is anxious, though as to why… Sakura can’t yet say.
Still, she gives the question the weight and thought it deserves, pausing before she responds. “Yes, I have. Often, in fact.” She does another stitch. “I have always imagined myself becoming a mother in time. Why do you ask?”
“Well…” Chihiro shifts her weight, extending her socked feet out in front of herself and stretching out her legs. “I was just thinking about it, is all. M-My father took really good care of me, but it was always just the two of us when I was growing up.” She twirls a lock of hair around her fingers. “I always really wanted to have a super big family that was full of laughter and joy.” Her face flushes. “Umm… sorry. I didn’t mean to overshare.”
Sakura offers a gentle smile, turning to face Chihiro properly. “I do not feel that you overshared. In truth, I am surprised that this topic has not come up sooner… we have been together for quite a while to have overlooked such things.”
With a slight, bubbly laugh, Chihiro nods. “Yeah… that’s why I was thinking about it, I guess. I was just thinking about how…” She trails off, looking up at Sakura’s face. “You’re such a kind and caring person, you know…? You’re super strong and impressive, but you’re also so tender and gentle, e-especially with me… I just thought you’d be such a good mom, who I’d really want to—” The heat in Chihiro’s cheeks fills her full face. “B-But I didn’t want to pressure you or anything if that wasn’t something you were already thinking about, so—”
“So you asked me first,” Sakura finishes, voice steady but soft. “I understand. You needn’t be so on edge about this, Chihiro. I will not use your words against you.” She waits for Chihiro to relax before she continues, another, more warm smile coming onto her face. “In truth… I have worried from time to time that I would be the opposite of the things you described. My desire has always been to be a nurturing mother, and to raise children who feel that they can rely on me for support as well as comfort, but…” Sakura runs her fingers over one of the raised scars on her forearm. She isn’t ashamed of her bulk, but she’s aware of how people perceive it. “Well, it was a worry that I had, is all.”
Keen as always to Sakura’s insecurity, Chihiro pushes away her laptop and scoots across the couch until their thighs touch. She wraps two small but strong arms around Sakura’s side and leans heavily into her, peering up with sincere grey-green eyes.
“You don’t need to worry about that all,” she asserts. “You’re the kindest, most approachable person that I know. When—if we have kids, I know they’ll trust you more than anyone else in the world.” She nods, looking more sure of herself than she has over the course of the entire conversation. “Any family would be lucky to have you, ‘Kura.”
Warmth in her chest, and with another tender smile, Sakura lifts a hand and gently threads her fingers through Chihiro’s soft hair. Butterfly wings unfold in her stomach as Chihiro leans into the touch, her eyelids fluttering. Sakura can’t help but dip her head and kiss Chihiro on the forehead.
When she pulls back, she murmurs, “I will not worry about my capacity to be maternal. In return, you should not worry about making me uncomfortable, or pressuring me. I have always valued your honesty despite your misgivings. Please continue to tell me exactly how you feel, and exactly what you want. It is with that knowledge that the two of us can make a plan for the future.”
“R-Right,” Chihiro says. Despite her stutter, she nods, the red in her face fading into more of a pink. “Well… like I said, I want to have a big family. Not so many kids that it gets overwhelming, but enough so that the house is always full of laughter, you know? I want to be an attentive parent who teaches my kids who to stick up for themselves, and to be extremely available, just like my dad.” Chihiro smiles bashfully. “And I really want… for them to see the both of us, too, and to have the both of us, and to know that we’ll both always love them and always be there for them, no matter what.”
Continuing to run her fingers through Chihiro’s hair, Sakura murmurs, “I think that is well within the realm of possibility. You have always made me feel loved and supported, my dear girl. I see no reason why our children would not feel the same.”
A dopey smile comes onto Chihiro’s face. “You, too,” she reaffirms. Her eyes close and she leans into Sakura’s arm, sighing, the tension bleeding from her shoulders. “I don’t know why I got so worried about it… sorry for making such a big thing about it, a-and, um, for making you comfort me. I was just…” She hesitates, then says more quietly, “It’s less that I worried you wouldn’t want kids, and more that… I wasn’t sure if you wanted them with me, specifically, you know…?”
“Theoretically, I know,” Sakura says, a touch dryly, “but practically… I cannot think of a single reason why I wouldn’t want children with you. Unless you imagined that I do not see our relationship lasting in the long term, which I should hasten to assure you is not the case.” She bends forward again and kisses Chihiro, this time on the crown of the head. “I have every intention of starting a family with you if that is what you desire as well.”
Chihiro hums happily, her eyes falling open as a broader smile comes onto her face. She still looks a bit nervous, but she always does; Sakura knows her well enough to know that it’s nothing personal.
“Okay,” Chihiro says. She nods. “I believe you. Let’s talk more about it sometime, and going forward.” She leans her cheek into Sakura’s arm. “I really want it, so… let’s definitely talk like it’s going to happen.”
“It will,” Sakura agrees. She removes her hand from Chihiro’s hair and carefully winds her arm around the other woman’s shoulders, allowing her to rest her head against Sakura’s side. Once she has, Sakura relaxes back into the couch cushion, lifting her embroidery once again. “I am quite certain of it.”
Really, she doesn’t blame Chihiro for worrying. It’s in her nature to, after all. But Sakura had known from their first kiss onwards that Chihiro is the person she wants to be with for the rest of her life, to wake up to every morning, to take care of be and be taken care of by, to buy a house and raise a family with. Perhaps there are other priorities right now, but in time… Sakura truly has no doubt at all that she and Chihiro will make it to the finish line. Their children will have a good life. She knows it in her heart.