Work Text:
“I like you! Will you go out with me?” she blurts out, holding out hand picked flowers.
Her cheeks are tinted pink, and her green eyes sparkle. A nervous smile adorns her face- she is a girl he knows very well.
And all though he doesn’t feel the same… Cheol Kim can’t find it in himself to say no. He does not wanna be the reason the light leaves her eyes- as she’s a friend he treasures. And so..he can’t help it when he forces himself to say-
“Okay.”
He would deal with it later.
.
A year and a half later.
“Yeah, cause you have all that room to talk don’t you peanut— Cheol started dating you out of pity!”
It is quiet.
From the horrified look on Jungwooks face and the instant regret in Honggyu’s eyes, Mi-ae slowly processes that what he’s saying has at least some truth behind it.
The air feels poisonous, and her stomach churns in a way that makes her wanna cry and throw up. She licks her lips to speak…
Yet nothing comes out.
.
Cheol looks for Mi-ae among the crowd of the people at this relatively large get together. It’s rather easy for him to spot her, but he can’t find her among the unfamiliar heads.
Finally, he sees her sitting on the stairs leading up to Johan’s house. Carefully, he settles next to her- placing the drinks down.
“Here you are, did you get bored? You should’ve come find me.” He comments, bumping her knee with his own playfully. Oddly, she doesn’t answer- her gaze focused on the fireworks going off in the street.
“Hey.” Cheol’s brows knit together, he scoots closer to her- rubbing her back in the way he knows brings her comfort.
“Do you wanna go home-“
“Did you start dating me out of pity?” Her voice rings clear into the night.
Cheol feels like all the air has vanished from his lungs. His mind is racing, and it feels like the world is crashing down on him.
“What..Huh? Where..”
“Just be honest with me, please.” Mi-ae’s voice cracks, thick with emotion.
He is afraid. Afraid of losing her, afraid of her eyes no longer sparkling when she looks at him. But he always wants to be honest with her, and so..
“..Yes.“
He hears Mi-ae take a sharp intake, as if getting cut. Cheol quickly moved to kneel in front of her, his pleading eyes staring into hers. He grabs her hands in his, but she feels so cold.
“But..That was before all of this. Before us.” Cheol speaks quietly, he prepares himself for her to yell or rip her hand away but instead-
Crystal tears run down her flushed cheeks, and he feels like he’s been stabbed repeatedly in the chest. He hates himself so much. If he could go back and change this- he would take her on a proper date. Not this, he never wanted this.
“ No, please don’t cry. Mi-ae, I'm so sorry. Don’t cry.” He wipes the tears off her face, hands cupping her cheeks. When she doesn’t pull away, he surges forward- pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head.
“I love you. I promise that it’s different now. I meant everything I’ve ever said. I do. I swear.” Cheol speaks hurriedly, her lack of response makes fear settle deep in his bones. He’s desperate for something, but Mi-ae continues to stare blankly ahead, tears streaming down her face and a foggy look in her eyes.
“..Say something, anything. Please.” He pleads.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity she pulls away from him.
Rubbing her eyes and collecting herself in silence, Mi-ae takes a deep breath and smiles.
“It’s okay, let’s go inside and dance. Don’t wanna make a scene!” she laughs emptily, and it all feels so wrong. The smile is distorted against her dull eyes.
“Mi-ae…”
“Cheol,” The lack of the playful - ah at the end hurts him.
“I just wanna forget okay? Please.” and once again, he can’t bring himself to say no. So he agrees, and they return back inside.
And so the night carries on as intended, they chat- hold hands- sit on the couch together and dance.
With all the love he can possibly muster, he kisses her. Attempting to piece back the broken shards of the heart he treasure the most. He can only hope she understands and remembers the promises they made in the grass when staring at the stars and in the rain that one sad day. He hopes she knows he meant every touch, kiss, hug. Maybe it wasn’t real for the first 3 months- but he grew to love her. In a way he would never love anyone else, he was all of hers more than she was his. And he was okay with that.
Which is why he tried to ignore the bad feeling creeping up his spine of what would happen the next day.
And unfortunately, he was right. The words she uttered to him the following morning in the street between their apartments would haunt him forever.
“I was selfish. I realized the first month that you were uncomfortable, but..I just pushed it off saying you were shy.”
“So, let’s break up.” Mi-ae stared at the ground, her hands fisting the side of her shirt painfully. Her knuckles had turned white.
Cheol felt his heart drop to his stomach, and that new sense of fear gripped him.
“Do..you mean..A break? I could..we could do that. And start again- The right way.” There was an edge of hope in his voice, and he stood stall to meet her eyes.
Mi-ae looked away from him, shaking her head.
“No, we’re finished. Okay? Let’s make this easy.”
His lip quivered, and his breaths were uneven. He fidgeted with his hands. Finally- his hand flew to cover his eyes then buried themselves in his hair.
“I don’t wanna break up.” He stepped closer, itching to reach out and hug her. To pull her close and kiss her to make her know he was sorry. And that he was undeniably in love with her, but he was scared of rejection. Of the possibility this was real.
“I know the way that this started was..But I promise you. I love you so fucking much Mi-ae. So please, don’t break my heart. Please.”
“I'm sorry..I just..I can’t look at you the same. I think we’re doomed-“
“ No, Don’t say that. We’re not.”
“For months, you lied to me, Cheol kim.” She spoke tiredly.
“..Cheol. I’m Cheol to you.” He whispered.
“Not anymore.”
Those words struck him deeply, and tears began to fall from his face. He looked beautiful to her, just like the first day she saw him.
As if to correct it, he messily wiped the tears from his face and attempted to compose himself.
“I love you.” Cheol spoke, his voice wavering slightly.
“Yeah, me too.” Mi-ae smiled politely, dipping her head before turning around and walking away. She ignored the breathy desperate calls of her name, forcing herself to keep moving. But as much as she tried, the tears did not stop coming.