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Shaw lay awake in the hazy blue light of early morning and focused on her breathing, trying to calm her racing heart. She'd been dreaming of Afghanistan again.
It was her own fault, she figured. She'd once again fallen asleep staring at the bruises Greer's restraints had left on her arms, the edges of which had started turning that yellow-brown that made her think of the sand. So it was no surprise she'd once again dreamed of being caught in the middle of nowhere, alone and surrounded by hostile forces.
It wasn't that she was scared - then or because of the dream; fear wasn't something she experienced. But even if she did, Shaw knew she wouldn't have been scared in that desert because she'd known her fellow Marines were coming for her. She wasn't special - just another in a long line of jarheads - but she'd held out and fought on because Marines didn't leave their own behind. She knew they were coming and they'd level half the mountain to get to her; their code of honor compelled them.
That was the thing about the Corps - it was something to connect with, somewhere to belong - and not even Shaw, who'd never connected with anything, had been immune to its call. She'd felt it the moment she'd earned her Eagle, Globe, and Anchor - that she was a part of something special, something that needed to be protected... something worth dying for. It had seemed like everything to her.
She hadn't looked for something different, hadn't looked for something more. It found her when a large dog woke her in the back of an ambulance and ushered her into a new life as opposite the Corps as she could imagine. There was no structure or rules in Team Machine and as Root had proved again and again, there wasn't even unified purpose.
But there was a code; an unstated belief that they would do the right thing, whatever it was and however it needed to be done and Shaw had connected with that as closely as she had anything in the Corps. It had compelled her to stay with the Team in those early days and even made her think it might be something worth dying for.
But the funny thing was, it wasn't the Team she'd been thinking of when the shit hit the fan at the Stock Exchange; it was Root and a part of her even wondered then if it had ever been the Team she'd connected with or if it had only ever been Root, the one she'd been certain she would die for, willingly, happily, and without hesitation.
Her love for C4 aside, Root was not the Corps. She wasn't a brotherhood or a calling. She wasn't something to be a part of. She was just one woman - a crazy, ridiculous, unpredictable woman - and yet when Shaw had been in trouble, she'd known that if she just held out and fought on, Root would come for her just as surely as the Corps. She'd level half of Samaritan's operation to get her out, too, not because she was compelled by a code, but because Shaw meant something to her and that was enough for Root.
And so help her, Root meant something to Shaw as well, even if she couldn't define what it was. It was something she'd felt in the elevator and that had sustained her while Martine put her through Hell. It was an unshakeable belief that in Root, she'd found something not only worth dying for, but for which she desperately wanted to live.
Shaw let out a deep breath and rolled onto her side to study how the early dawn's light fell across Root's back and highlighted the bruises and scars that marred her skin as well. She leaned in to kiss them gently, one by one, and smiled when a contented sigh escaped Root's lips.
"I was just dreaming of you," Root said through a sleepy smile.
"A good dream?"
"Mm-hmm..."
Shaw kissed a final scar and pulled Root to her, enjoying the way her skin tingled when Root found and kissed one of her scars. "Funny, I think I was just dreaming of you, too."
"Oh yeah? A good dream?"
"Mm-hmm..." Shaw mimicked. Then she found Root's lips and kissed them, certain in that moment she finally understood why she'd dreamed of the Corps every night since she'd been back - not to torment her with memories of the desert, but to show her what everything actually was.