Chapter Text
“Honey, I’m so sorry,” Meng Yao said, stroking his arm soothingly. His eyes were glistening and his shoulders seemed to be shaking with suppressed laughter. “I’m sure Ping-ping didn’t mean it.”
Lan Xichen glared at the cat as he pressed a clean cloth to the deep gashes on his right thigh. Nanping lay sprawled in a sunny spot on the floor, purring contentedly and looking like she didn’t give a care about anything in the world.
“I’ve told you, this cat hates me,” he said hoarsely.
“Don’t be silly,” Meng Yao reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind his ear with a fond smile. “Ping-ping is such a sweet and affectionate girl.”
Lan Xichen stared straight at him.
“To you,” he said with emphasis, “and Jingyi, and Su She. And, A-Yao, listen to me: it’s not even the first time something like this happened! Remember last week when you came home from work and I offered to give you a massage? I still have scratches on my hands from that time!”
Meng Yao hummed thoughtfully.
“Maybe you’re right,” he conceded. “Still, you can’t blame Minshan for that. Cats aren’t dogs, they can’t be trained to attack people. You might have done something to spook her—something you don’t even remember. Or maybe she was traumatized when living with her previous owners—there’s a reason she ended up in the shelter, after all.”
“Right,” Lan Xichen said bitterly. “Except for some reason she never attacks Su She when he’s getting down to business with you.”
At that, Meng Yao finally couldn’t hold himself together anymore and burst into hysterical giggles. Lan Xichen gave him the most judgmental look he was capable of.
“I’ll talk to Minshan,” Meng Yao said, wheezing. “In the meantime, do you—do you want to continue where we left off? We’ll make sure the door is locked this time.”
Lan Xichen took the cloth away and surveyed the extent of his injuries. Thankfully, the bleeding had stopped, and the cuts, even though they were long and deep, didn’t look like they needed stitching. His dick, miraculously, also remained half-hard.
“Let’s do that,” he agreed, raising to his feet and giving the cat one last suspicious look before Meng Yao pulled him into the bedroom.
Nanping stared back at him in disdain.
If looks could kill, Su She would have long ago choked on a piece of chicken. Instead, he kept eating dinner happily, stopping only to praise Meng Yao on his cooking skills. He was positively glowing, looking like a cat who’d got the cream.
When he’d come home and heard what had happened, he nearly keeled over with laughter. Then, sobering up, he solemnly promised to give Nanping a stern talking to. When Lan Xichen passed their shared bedroom on his way to wash up before dinner, he saw the man giving the cat an ungodly amount of treats and forehead kisses.
When Jingyi had first approached him, looking up at him with big pleading eyes, and asked if they could get a cat, he had refused. Pets were a big responsibility, and Jingyi was still too young to take it on. He couldn’t even remember to lace his shoes before going out half of the time. Meng Yao, being as sensible as he was, sided with him and put a stop to Jingyi’s pestering with one stern look.
But, of course, they had forgotten to take Su She into account. He didn’t consult with either of them before one day taking the boy out "to the park” and returning three hours later with not only Jingyi in tow, but also with a miserable-looking cat that he proudly introduced as Nanping.
Lan Xichen nearly broke a spoon in half when he saw them. Meng Yao was highly disappointed but relented after Su She went on a long lecture about how caring for a pet was an important part of teaching a child responsibility and promised to make sure that Lan Jingyi wouldn’t skip out on his new duties. Lan Jingyi, for his part, was absolutely enamored with the creature.
Lan Xichen had no choice but to cave in. Internally, he was seething. Lan Jingyi was legally his son, and even though he was more than happy to share his parental duties with Meng Yao, Su She had no right to intervene like that. Yet his indulgence immediately promoted him in Jingyi’s eyes from his father’s boyfriend’s boyfriend to the status of most favorite uncle ever—moving down Wangji, who was strict and never allowed him to play with his bunnies without supervision.
Ping-ping, as Jingyi took to calling her immediately, was taken from a shelter that a friend of Su She’s ran. No one knew who her previous owners had been but, judging by the fact that she’d ended up in the streets, her life hadn’t been an easy one. She was skittish at first, prone to hoarding food and getting aggressive at unwanted touches. Soon enough, though, she cozied up first to Su She, and then to Meng Yao and Lan Jingyi.
But not to Lan Xichen.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Su She said when Lan Xichen backed him into a corner after dinner. He didn’t even try to wipe the smug expression off of his face. “Nanping is a very good girl, and she doesn’t act that way around anyone else in the house. Maybe there’s something wrong with you.”
“It’s all your doing,” Lan Xichen hissed, careful not to draw the attention of Meng Yao and Jingyi, who were busy with cleaning the table and loading the dishwasher. “I don’t know how, but you put her up to it. I will prove it.”
Su She only shrugged nonchalantly.
“Whatever. Just don’t get too weird about it, okay? Meng Yao will be sad if he thinks you’ve gone off the rails.”
With that, he peeled himself off the wall and went to sit on the sofa, patting his lap for Nanping to jump onto. Lan Xichen had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself, unclenching his fists.
There’s no way a cat would get between him and the love of his life.