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“Please don’t touch me,” Steve had whispered the moment Eddie flung his arm around his shoulders. The reaction was immediate, Eddie jolted away as if he had been burned while Steve simultaneously curled in on himself, head turned away. His heart thundered in his chest as he cursed himself out internally.
Eddie had known touching Steve was a bad idea. He knew full well that Steve avoided his touch, specifically his touch, but he couldn’t seem to help himself sometimes, drawn to him like a ship to a lighthouse. He practically had to stop himself from reaching out whenever they were close to each other.
Eddie tried not to take offence at it, but it was hard not to feel singled out when Steve refused to touch him but would happily throw himself at Robin, or press his hand into Nancy’s shoulder or ruffle the kids up and throw them around. No, Steve had a problem with Eddie. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Steve Harrington wasn’t comfortable with touching Hawkins’ resident queer freak, but he sort of was anyway. Perhaps surprised wasn’t the right word, the feeling was somewhat more miserable than that.
“Sorry,” he coughed as he regained his composure,
“No, don’t apologise. It’s my fault, I’m the one who’s fucked up, not you,” Steve muttered,
“I find that hard to believe, Harrington, when I’m the only one who can’t lay a finger on you,” Eddie scoffed, picking at the already chipping nail polish he had applied that morning,
“I mean, yeah, technically it’s about you, but it’s not- I’m the one who’s weird about touch,” he sighed and turned so he was facing Eddie directly, legs crossed underneath him, “Robin says that it’s called being touch starved? It causes a lot of issues for me,” Steve laughed humourlessly and Eddie frowned, wondering what reason Steve Harrington, the guy who could get anyone, would have to be touch starved,
“Doesn’t that mean you should want to be touched though?” the knowledge almost made it worse, that Steve wanted to human contact so bad but still wouldn’t touch Eddie,
“Yeah, yeah I do but- it’s more complicated than that. Look, I don’t really know you very well yet, not really and touch is like a big thing for me cause my brain releases all these hormones and shit,” Steve rambled, Eddie felt his eyes lift upwards as he watched Steve desperately try and explain himself, all while staring at Eddie’s feet, “which is normally fine because I usually know how I feel about someone before hand. Robin is my friend so those are happy friend chemicals, right? But when I don’t know someone very well it’s like all the wires in my brain get crossed and suddenly a touch becomes something else and somehow my brain convinces me that I’m… that I’m falling in love with them,” he finished quietly,
“Huh?” Eddie felt like he was on some sort of roller coaster, Steve’s sudden speech taking him on twists and turns that he couldn’t predict, all the while feeling sick to his stomach,
“And it never lasts! I mean all it took was a couple of brushes with Robin while we worked at Scoops and then I was confessing my love for her on the bathroom floor. Now the idea of dating her makes me gag. It’s- It’s why I had that reputation in school. I thought I was broken, cause I genuinely thought I liked all those girls and then it would just… stop. I couldn’t figure out why it kept happening,” he ground to a stop, peeking up at Eddie through his lashes. Eddie opened his mouth to speak as if he had in any way processed what he’d just heard,
“But- I’m not a girl,” he heard himself say, Steve barked out a startled laugh,
“Yeah, no shit, Munson. I’m bisexual, couldn’t exactly ask Tommy H on a date after he put me in a headlock though could I?”
“You’re what?” Eddie whispered, mouth gaping like a fish, he wished he had more control over himself because the grin on Steve’s face disappeared as quickly as it had arrived and Eddie found himself missing it.
“Sorry, I know it’s a lot, and it’s weird. That’s why I was trying so hard to avoid it without telling you but then I was worried about upsetting you by icing you out so I just… I really want to be your friend Eddie. I don’t want my weird shit to mess it up,” he offered Eddie a soft smile which he tried to return as silence descended upon the pair.
Eddie didn’t really want to make Steve anxious, but his head was still reeling with all the new information that had been placed on him in the last five minutes. Steve was bisexual? And he didn’t see Eddie as a freak, in fact, he was so worried about upsetting Eddie with his own emotions that he’d exposed what appeared to be one of his deepest insecurities to someone he had freely admitted that he didn’t know very well. Before that moment Eddie had still been trying to wrap his head around the fact that Steve wasn’t the same guy he remembered from high school and now…
“Well then,” Eddie slapped his knees, making Steve jump,”I guess I’d better start charming my way into being your friend so I can get my fair share of Harrington snuggle time,” he grinned. Steve grinned back, relief practically radiating off him. It made all of Eddie’s mental gymnastics seem worthwhile.
***
True to his word, Eddie quickly began to work his charm with an enthusiasm that baffled Steve. He had honestly thought he would have to explain himself more but Eddie hadn’t pushed it at all. As if Steve’s whole deal was normal. As if the sentence,
“Hey! Don’t touch me or I’ll fall in love with you,” was normal. Steve pretty much chalked it up to the fact that he couldn’t even remember the last time his parents had touched him, let alone hugged him. It was unfortunate, sure, but he had never really realised what he was missing out on until he’d stumbled into a group of people who all needed to touch each other just as a reminder that they were alive.
He was pretty sure that Eddie knew about the stuff with his parents, he hadn’t told him directly but he was sure Robin must have mentioned it. If the look Eddie had given him the last time he’d walked out of the back room was anything to go off at least. He’d looked up at him with those stupidly big puppy dog eyes and smiled sadly and it felt like he knew. Steve didn’t mind it though, it never felt like pity with Eddie, not when he was so determined for them to be friends.
The speed at which that happened was actually ridiculous. It was always bound to go fast, because there was already a bond there based on mutual trust and experience but it definitely helped that Eddie was around all the time. He came into the shop almost every day, each time asking Steve to do something with him after work. They spent time at Eddie’s, arguing over music, they had movie nights at Steve’s, religiously sitting on opposite ends of the sofa to avoid any accidents, or temptations on Steve’s end. On occasion Steve had even been persuaded to sit in on a session of D&D.
Sometimes they hung out with the others, sometimes it was just them, which was more than ok with Steve. Eddie was ridiculously easy to be friends with, he was just so open and warm. They didn’t have anything in common but it didn’t seem to matter, especially as it only created more material for them to tease each other with. That was the thing Steve liked most about Eddie, he never judged Steve for what he was. Sure he teased him about it but it was playful and Steve could give just as good as he got, but deep down he could feel that Eddie saw him as an equal, which felt… well, amazing.
All in all it only took a month for Steve to get where he needed to be. Truthfully, it only took two weeks to feel like Eddie was his friend, the second two weeks had been reserved for Steve to agonise over whether or not his brain would mess the whole thing up or not.
He eventually caved during one of their movie nights. Had looked over at Eddie, grinning in the light of the TV and realised that despite his fears he didn’t really want to wait any longer.
“Eddie?” he called softly, Eddie responded with a soft hum, not turning his head until Steve shuffled along the couch into the seat next to him. Sucking in a breath Steve held out his hand, palm up towards Eddie. He prayed that the other understood what he was trying to say because Steve wasn’t entirely sure he could speak. Eddie looked down at the hand and looked back up at Steve,
“Really?” he asked softly, Steve nodded and Eddie’s face split into a grin as he threaded his fingers with Steve’s, “Fuck yeah. Didn’t think you’d be so easy to win over Stevie,” he laughed, turning back to the movie without a second thought. Steve turned back to the screen as well, any attempt to focus on the movie gone as he tried not to choke on the butterflies that had appeared in his stomach and were in the process of trying to crawl up his throat.
Oh fuck.
***
“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Steve groaned into the counter, Robin rubbing a soothing hand against his back. He had a long history of getting himself into trouble with no clue how he had managed it but this one really took the biscuit. Holding Eddie’s hand had opened the floodgate in more ways than one. It had granted him access to the full range of Eddie’s affection; hugs, hand holding, laying on his lap and playing with his hair. But it had also released an unfortunate tidal wave of emotions on Steve’s side that left a deep heat low in Steve’s stomach the moment Eddie so much as brushed their hands together.
“Maybe…” Robin said slowly, “you actually like him?”
“How am I supposed to know?” he smushed his cheek against the counter as he turned to look at her, she shrugged helpfully,
“I don’t know what’s going on inside your head dingus,” she tapped his forehead for emphasis, “you could always just tell him, he’d be fine with it I’m sure,” Steve shook his head vehemently,
“I don’t want to make things awkward. He’ll want to stop hanging out until I get over it. And if I don’t get over it we can never hang out again,” he groaned, it was selfish, he knew that but he really liked spending time with Eddie, with or without the real/not real crush thing he had going on,
“What if he likes you back?”
“That’s even worse! Because if it’s not real I could end up hurting him and then he’ll never speak to me again,” Robin returned to patting his back and Steve sighed at the comfortable weight of her hand pressing between his shoulder blades. Why couldn’t it be like that with Eddie?
“I guess you’ll just have to wait it out then,” she said, it was a reasonable suggestion, but it certainly didn’t feel like it.
“Wait what out?” the two of them jumped at the familiar voice, Steve’s head slammed against the counter,
“Ow,”
“Oof, sorry Stevie, didn’t mean to make you jump,” Eddie cooed, Steve felt familiar fingers slide into his hair. Steve let out an involuntary hum as his eyes slid closed, “what are we waiting out?”
“Steve’s parents are back on the college train again,” Robin answered with the speed of someone who had spent their whole life hiding who they were attracted to, Steve was eternally grateful for her experience and wisdom,
“Well that sucks,” Eddie’s fingers pressed deeper, massaging Steve’s scalp, “you just tell them you’re too busy hanging out with previous murder suspect Eddie Munson to go to college, that’ll shut them up,” he teased,
“They’d start a riot,” Steve grumbled, the words sounding more mournful than he had intended, like he actually wished his parents would accept this part of his life. It made Eddie laugh at least, he could feel the shaking against his scalp.
“To be fair,” Robin chimed in jovially, “they’d probably start a riot over most of the things in your life right now,”
“Yeah, well that’s what I get for having rich asshole parents. It’s probably divine punishment for also being a rich asshole for so many years,” he sighed, rolling his shoulders and finally peeling his face from the desk to stand up. Eddie’s hand fell from his hair and he had to grip the underside of the counter to stop himself from reaching up to place his fingers where Eddie’s had been.
“God must be a dick then because I’d argue that you’ve more than made up for being a shitty teenager by, oh I dunno, saving the world?” Eddie huffed, leaning over the counter to poke at Steve’s arm, he swatted back at him with a grin,
“If saving the world makes up for previous sins that must make the rest of you saints,”
“Oh I’ve done more than my fair share of sinning, sweetheart,” Eddie winked and Steve was honestly impressed when he managed to stay standing,
“And I’m gay,” Robin added, “pretty sure that’s a sin,”
“We’re all gay Robin, it cancels out,” Steve said before all three of them burst into laughter.
***
The following days of anxiety turned into weeks of confusion that eventually melted into acceptance. Yes, Steve Harrington is falling for Eddie Munson. No, it wasn’t because touching him felt amazing. It was everything. His eyes, his hair, high laugh, his ability to be unabashedly himself, something Steve had never quite managed even in his reformed state. Their matching scars, their all night conversations when neither of them could sleep. Honestly Steve could go on forever.
The revelation was bittersweet, of course, he had no reason to think that Eddie liked him back, but it was a hell of a lot easier to hide a secret when it wasn’t throwing you into a panic at every given opportunity. At least, he had thought he was doing a good job at hiding it. That illusion flew out the window the night he collapsed onto the sofa, swinging his arm around Eddie’s shoulders.
It was the first time Eddie had ever pulled away from him, he hunched forward and then abruptly stood up,
“Are you ok?” Steve asked even as he felt the colour draining from his face. There were any number of reasons why Eddie wouldn’t want to be touched in that moment, but only one echoed around Steve’s head.
He knows.
Eddie shook his head, hands rubbing against his sides where Steve knew the scars were. The words in his head grew louder.
“No, uh, not really man,” he half laughed, “oh shit,” Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and Steve stole the opportunity to gaze at him for what felt like it would be the last time. Even in his panicked state Eddie was beautiful. He was only wearing a simple band t and jeans but his rings caught in the light of the TV and his hair bounced softly as he rose up and down on his toes with signature Munson energy. It made Steve feel calm in the face of everything. If this was it, he was glad that he’d had so much time with Eddie before now.
“It’s ok,” he said, a little sadness creeping into his voice, “say what you need to say,” Eddie’s eyes fluttered open at he stared back at Steve,
“Shit Steve, I don’t want to say anything but I- you were so honest and open at the start of this shit and it’s not fair for me to carry on without saying something. It’s not right for me to keep touching you and letting you touch me when I-” Steve braced himself, hand gripped hard on his knee, “when I’m falling in love with you,” Eddie whispered, the sound pouring out into the empty space.
Relief hit Steve like a wave, filled him up to overflowing, if the tears dripping from the corners of his eyes were anything to go by,
“Jesus H Christ, you’re crying,” Eddie’s face flashed with a mortified look of panic, his hands twitching up. Steve knew the gesture well, had gotten familiar with it in those four weeks at the start of their friendship. It meant that Eddie wanted to touch him, his hand always moved before his brain could catch up to hold it back. Steve didn’t want him to hold back, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and backed off, what have I-” Steve wanted to cut him off so badly but he couldn’t find his voice over the lump in his throat and Eddie looked just about ready to bolt. He gave up on his dignity and whined, shaking his head and reaching out with grabby hands. Hoping, praying that Eddie understood what he was trying to say. There was a pause as Eddie’s eyes snapped onto Steve at the sound he made, eyes dragging from his face, to his hands and back to his face again, wide but with brows furrowed above them. He took a step forward as if testing the waters, moving even closer once Steve had nodded frantically. Gently, he placed his hands in Steve’s, who sighed at the touch. More tears slipped down his face as he remembered the mere seconds before when he had believed he’d never be able to do that again. Shakily, he brought the hands to his lips, pressing little fluttering kisses to Eddie’s knuckles, his rings bumping against his nose.
“ Oh, ” Eddie breathed above him and Steve looked up with hopeful eyes, lips still pressed against his skin, “oh,” he repeated again, a little stronger this time as he careened forwards to bump his forehead against Steve’s, “shit Stevie, don’t scare me like that,”
“Sorry,” he managed, breathing deeper now that the worst of the emotional whiplash was over, his thumb pushing one of Eddie’s rings back and forth across his knuckle. He didn’t know which one, he was too busy staring at Eddie, “can you…” he tugged Eddie more, glancing down at his lap, Eddie grinned,
“Yeah, of course sweetheart,” he climbed forward and settled his weight against Steve. He let out a shuddering sigh as he tucked his chin over Eddie’s shoulder,
“I’ve been falling for you since the first time we held hands,” he admitted hoarsley, “thought you’d figured it out and never wanted to see me again. That’s why I- That’s why I reacted the way that I did,” he felt Eddie swallow against his shoulder,
“Since the first time we held hands? Are you sure it’s not-”
“It’s not,” Steve reassured quickly, clutching Eddie tighter as if he were about to disappear, “It’s been weeks Eds, I wasn’t sure at first either but then I kept liking you more and more and it felt different, more tangible somehow. I like everything about you, but I like you because you’re Eddie, not because I can touch you,” it didn’t feel like it covered half of what was in his head but he hoped it was enough anyway,
“Good. I don’t think I could stand losing this,” he squeezed Steve’s shoulders for emphasis,
“You can’t get rid of me now Munson,” Steve laughed giddily,
“Prove it,” Eddie said, pulling back to look Steve in the eye with a mischievous glint. So Steve did.
And out of all the ways he had been able to touch Eddie in those past few weeks, kissing him was by far his favourite.